We lost our trust

by Jesse Jane
(CA)

He was controlling and lacked self-esteem, but we had the best passion ever. We had a blended family and both tried hard to be the best parents possible.

Money was an issue. We did everything separate. He had everything in his name, wouldn’t share, and was not supportive of my education. I was a dancer at a Las Vegas nightclub when we met and he has been an owner of a club so we both knew the business. He went to work out of the business and I stayed in.

He became very insecure and I became very irritated with him. We grew angry at each other and went through a very messy divorce. Although we both seem to never be able to get each other off our minds.

Our children have settled into their lives and we seem to have a hard time saying goodbye even at Kindergarten roundup. He has had about 4 live-in relationships in the last 18 months and I have had one non committed one.

We both just can’t seem to get each other to give up.

Comments for We lost our trust

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Mine always had affairs
by: Mary

My husband has always had other women. He finds women who are married and breaks up the marriage with empty promises, telling them he is going to leave me and marry them. I believe he probably has always cheated on me. I found out about 14 years ago. Since then he has had 2 affairs I know of.

I am financially dependent on him and he uses that fact. Over the past years he also became addicted to prescription drugs. He is now drug free but still involved with other women. He's not much of a father either. He never spends any time with them. He thinks if he pays the bills he's doing his job. As I'm writing this I realize what a total jerk he is, but I how do I go out on my own with no money or skills? Now he has left the home but continues to pay for everything and acts like he still lives here.
He could not be trusted
by: Debra in Cincinnati

There was infidelity from day one of the marriage with many women. But yet he denied me emotional and physical intimacies. He literary worked me to death physically and beyond my physical capabilities for his better benefits only. He mistreated the children and me, and he never wanted to do anything together like a family if it cost any money. He made the children and I live at poverty level while he was living the good life.

He took me around some of the females he had affairs with. There were severe communication issues due to the fact he was working to keep his other life a secret. And he was working to keep his bad intentions for me and the children off the table. So any question I had, he would turn into a fight to avoid the question.

He was very passive aggressive toward me. If I would push for an answer or would not accept his excuse, he would do very hurtful vindictive acts to me. As a result of way too much and so much more - I no longer love or respect him, nor do I like him at all.

I feel he has no integrity, lacks empathy, and he does not have what I considered honorable ethics. I can’t be with a man that I cannot hold pride in. And having a man who is good and decent with morals and honorable ethics is very important to me. I can catch my husband’s hand in the cookie jar, and he would sit there and make up all kinds of lies about what I just witnessed, and twist it all around to make me look stupid.
RE: We Lost Our Trust
by: Angelica

Thank you for your kind reply. You are stronger than you think. You are better than he makes you feel. You deserve more than you receive.

I attend a counseling center at the Women's Resource Center, which is free of charge. These advocates are trained in dealing with many abuse issues and offer legal services, individual counseling, and group therapy. They (all the women) are helping me so much. So, please check your telephone book to check for a center near you. I think their expertise will help you to recognize and cope with your problems. Most importantly, they will help you to move on.

I hope you are well. Please ask for help. There are so many people who have been in your situation, and there are so many people who can help...if only you ask.
Thank you for the much needed advice.
by: jessejane

Thanks for the advice. I will get the book. I have started reading Mathew Kelly books and they have helped me tremendously. Hope you are doing well now. 30 years is like habit. U go girl.....
To - We Lost Our Trust
by: Angelica

Well, I do understand your situation, but I cannot tell you what to do. Only you can decide that. However, I can say that controlling men never change. Oh, they say they will. They promise you the moon, the stars, and the sun... if only you will stay. But I have learned that men like these will never "give"; they will only take. They will never care...about your goals, your dreams, your hurts, or your problems. There is room in their world for only one person... themselves.

Passion is wonderful, but is that enough for you? Only you can answer that question. What more do you want? How much of that can he give you?

I would suggest that your read Lundy Bancroft's book WHY DOES HE DO THAT? It has been a valuable resource to me, and I think it would help you to assess your situation.

I wish you courage, strength, and wisdom.

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