Texting another woman

by Tammy
(Illinois)

My husband and I have only been married for three months, but I just left him last night because he’s such an idiot. First of all, he drinks way too much, like a 12-pack or more after work. And it’s a lot more than that on the weekends.

After the first month, he became unsatisfied at his job and started texting one of the girls he worked with. He would start texting her at 8 or 9pm and text until almost midnight. When I asked him who he was texting, he would tell me but refused to let me read the messages. He said it was "personal" and he couldn’t talk to me about it. After a few weeks of this, I told him it had to stop. He had quit his job and needed to let it go.

He told me it would stop. I just found a text message on his phone that was from her saying "I am free any time. Good night for now". He had erased all of the other messages so I wouldn't see them. She sent that one after he had went to bed.

When I looked up our cell phone account online, I saw where he texted her almost non-stop on his birthday while I was at work. There was a brief pause in the texts while I was home and then started back up again when I went to bed. I have been going to bed without him every night for almost 2 months.

I left my husband because he is a liar. He is obsessive. He is an alcoholic. I'm just glad I found out 3 months in rather than several years in. But, I am still heartbroken.

Comments for Texting another woman

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Remember who you are
by: Anonymous

Reading all these comments just breaking my heart. I’m going through a similar situation and let me tell you something: You need to leave him! There is no other choice. You need to choose yourself and love yourself. Respect yourself. It’s not going to be easy to leave; it’s going to hurt and it’s going to break your heart in a million pieces, but you need to leave! They won’t change, this is a personality type. Either you are a faithful person or you are not, simple as that. Remember, you are a WOMAN and you deserve to be treated like a lady. It doesn’t matter your physical appearance, you are a Woman and you are unique on your own way. There are plenty of beautiful women out there, but you have to know you have a Beautiful soul and heart which not many people have nowadays. Beauty can’t ever replace a good soul. Remember that. If he is caught up by appearances, let him run with a beautiful woman he will regret his decision. You are not worth less because of anyone else’s appearance! Find your uniqueness inside you and be proud of it! Value yourself and find happiness because life is short, and you like everyone else deserves to be happy. You need to leave NOW if you are depending on him. Start to make your plan to get out of the relationship/ marriage. You might think giving him chances over and over again is the best thing to do. But it just makes him disrespect you even more as you don’t even respect your own boundaries. Don’t go down that road, instead keep your head up and walk away my Lady! ❤️

Almost 3 years in and already the Skeleton Burst out of the Closet
by: Anonymous

I literally saw a text in his phone "stating I want to **** you sooo bad." I woke him up out his sleep. When I confronted him, he asks what I was doing in his phone. I said maybe if you don't sleep with it or be up under the cover so much, I wouldn't have any suspicions. He then tells me I didn't see nothing on his phone, like my eyes just lied about what I've seen.

I feel like this… if you’re putting another woman before your wife and this chick clearly knows you’re married, then maybe we not for each other. I’m willing to give what's left of a meal to a stray dog, but I’m not willing to share my man.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and believed it was real. But seeing something like this not only once, is making me have thoughts of filing a divorce.

I'm hurt and it hurts even more when hurtful emotional/verbal things are said to me. But he speaks to others kindly.

They say marriages goes through things but who wants to stay filled with inflicted emotional pain.

Same Boat
by: Anonymous

Do you have a hidden camera in my home??? You just described exactly what is going on in my house, except we have been married 20 years. I’m tired of being made to think I’m crazy or that I’m making a big deal out of nothing. I think it’s time to cut my losses.

All Deception
by: Wiser

What is it about "forsaking all others" that men do not understand. One woman commented that they are all deceivers/cheaters. Sadly, she is correct, and if you look, you will find that they are cheating on you in some way, usually many ways.

For Simon
by: Wiser

Yes Simon, you are cheating....try to justify it all you want...you are cheating and hurting your wife and you are permanently weakening if not destroying your wife and your marriage. You want the truth, that is it.

So angry
by: Anonymous

Hi. I am in the same situation but we have been married for 5 years. I found out he was texting another woman a few months ago, but he said it was nothing and he was just friends with her. He’s such a chatty person, I believed him that it was harmless and nothing to worry about, but asked him to stop as I didn’t agree with it.

He promised it wouldn’t happen again, but I noticed the last few days he is always on his phone. I asked him who he was messaging and he said his friends and family. But when I looked I could see it was a phone number and no name, so straight away I knew it was another woman.

I am so angry right now. I tried to get him to show me his phone but he wouldn’t and went into the bathroom to get away, probably to delete messages. Feel like such a fool for trusting him. I will never trust a living soul again, I’m so angry.

Don’t know what I can do, I want him out of the flat but not sure if I can afford it myself. I need him gone, but not sure what I will do.

Sick and Tired
by: Anonymous

I've been with my husband for 13 years and been married for 2 years. I honestly should have followed my first instinct and never turned in our marriage license. I almost didn't because I found out on the day he went to get his wedding suit, he had coffee with an ex that kissed him. He lied about it at first but then came clean. When I called his ex, she told me that they had been sleeping together for months. Of course he denied it, but here I am 2 years later thinking that she might have been telling the truth. I've never caught him cheating but I have seen messages from different woman throughout the relationship. The flirtatious messages break hurts my feelings. How can someone love you but is ok with flirting with another woman? He says that they are just friends but I don't like it. Why can't a husband respect his wife enough to stop doing something that she feels is disrespectful? If anyone is reading this, you deserve better. There are men out there who will treat you like the beautiful woman you are. Please do not settle. I'm only 30 and I've been with this man since I was 13. Do not let a man waste your perfectly good years.

I’m not that guy
by: Unsure Simon

Man’s perspective. I’ve been married for 10 years to a loving woman, and I love my wife. At my gym (my wife doesn’t go), a woman ten years younger, let’s call her Mimi, exchanged numbers with me so we could meet there occasionally as I began helping her with a fitness program. For two months it was all about gym times, but I didn’t tell my wife as I didn’t want her to become unnecessarily concerned. Then one day, Mimi broke the unwritten code and sent me a picture of her under the hair dryer at her beautician…nothing to do with fitness. I made the error of telling her she has nice hair. Slippery slope! I’ve since gotten pics of her doing everything from petting her cat to washing her car! Here’s the funny thing, at the gym we are still to this day pretty much all business, spotting weights for one another.

But somehow she’s managed to get into my head! I think about her if even a day goes by when I haven’t heard from her (rare)… she texts me several times a day (but not hundreds of times like some of these stories). She knows I’m married but never mentions my wife, nor do I tbh. I wrestle with the fact that, after 5 months total, we’ve never exchanged sexy photos or talked about sex…just little compliments like "Nice biceps" and I’ll tell her I miss her when she’s got the flu and can’t work out for a couple days.

Is this sexting? Doesn’t feel like it. Would I show these texts to my wife? No, because she’d get unnecessarily hurt and I love her too much to hurt her. So I guess this is a fitness friendship, which is motivating but not tawdry. So I’m thinking that all texting relationships are not by definition "emotional affairs", some can be simple friendships or mutual hobby friends. It hasn’t taken anything away from what I have with my wife as I don’t steal away to the basement to text for hours like those having real affairs. Mimi and I have a platonic bond, nothing more. Is anything one spouse doesn’t tell the other mean an emotional affair? I cut corners on my taxes with my accountant and don’t tell my wife, yet I’m not having an emotional affair with my accountant lol. This whole texting society can be a "sticky wicket", but keeping it platonic is the key. Just another perspective. Thanks, Simon

Broken Hearted
by: Anonymous

Same with me. My boyfriend whom I dated a year and 2 months, also had this problem. I saw some texts. Talking dirty to one woman. Flirting with others. Calling them beautiful, sexy etc. He said he did nothing wrong. But I've told him to stop or I'm gone. He would message them every time we fight. Caught him on 5 different times. The last time we got in an argument was over him wanting to go to a friend's house, whom he did cocaine with, which he stopped using. I got mad and left. He went back and unblocked the girl and was talking to her not minutes after I left. And now he is wanting me back. I'm not going back to him. Because he made it a habit, a pattern to run to them girls. I'm so done.

Same here, kinda
by: Anonymous

My boyfriend of just a couple months fooled around with someone else and to be honest that part if it was fine, as we are still in the beginning stages of dating. But when I said to him (for the second time) that I want us to be honest about everything, especially if we are going to be intimate with other people. I told him to just say "ok" and be done with it, because if he lied more about it, it was going to end it. He said ok, but I haven't been with anyone else. So that sealed it for me. you can mess around with whoever you want until we decide to be exclusive and/or serious, but don't tell me you're going to bed early when you're really going to go sleep with someone. It’s the dishonesty, not the act itself.

Just over it
by: Anonymous

Just finished reading all the posts. There are so many that relate to me so much! I've been with my husband for 20yrs. Once again I caught him texting another woman (who is married herself) and even giving her gifts, paying for her nails to get done. I spoke with her on the phone finally after he denied and denied and I finally found the truth. She told me they were just friends, but she did admit he would try to hit on her and call her beautiful and whatnot. Stuff he doesn't ever say to me. This is the 6th time I’ve caught him doing something throughout the years. This just feels like it’s my last. Although I've never caught him being physical with anyone, it doesn't matter. I literally cannot stand the heartache and betrayal, the lies anymore! I just turned 39 a few weeks ago and he’s 43. He is getting older and very overweight, just being honest. I've always tried to keep myself looking good. I can't believe he would have the nerve to continuously cheat on me. Now he's calling around trying to set up counseling. Trying hard to get me back. We've never tried counseling, he’s such a serial liar that I honestly think all he will do is lie. I honestly don't know what to do, but part of me wants to leave and find someone who won't break my heart.

Same issue
by: Anonymous

Hey I have the same thing. My husband and I have been married for 8 months. But it never felt like a marriage. He is constantly texting an ex of his and flirting with her and lies to me about not talking to her. He won't let me see his phone. Tells me we need boundaries. He also constantly yells at me and swears at me and abuses me verbally and emotionally. He blames me for his behavior, saying he isn't this person without me. He doesn't drink or smoke or take drugs. Told me it's boring to be with one person your whole life. He always Googles other pretty women from TV and tells me I'm boring so he has to do that. I am stuck with him because my whole status to be in his country is dependent on him. I feel broken and have no money of my own as I couldn't work till I got my status here.

What does this mean?
by: Anonymous

I have been married for over 7 years but I have a problem. I am always texting girls online, but I never meet them or anything. Its only texting and my wife catches me once in a while just texting. Is that a disease that men have? I have never been with another woman beside my wife since we got married, but am always chatting online with different people.

Cheating partner
by: Anonymous

Hi I’m sorry to hear that you also are going through hell with infidelity.

I have been with my partner for 10 years plus, but got a gut feeling he was messaging other women. How right I was, like 5 of them including topless pictures.

I have told the one woman’s husband what she was up to. She DM'S me saying thanks for ruining my marriage. Lol. I said your welcome, but it is you who ruined your marriage you silly cow.

What to do?
by: Anonymous

I've been looking on the Internet for help. Two days ago I asked my husband about a message I saw ping up on his phone. The message said I'm going to bed now, hope u had a good evening with a kiss and pink heart emoji. It transpires that he and a women he knows from his online gym classes have been using Facebook DMs to chat to each other for about 4 months.

I have asked to see his phone to review the messages but he refuses and states that he has deleted them. He maintained they are friends and nothing more, however helps said that there is an emotional connection from when she helped him in November last year at the gym when he broke his leg.

We have been together for almost 30 years since teenagers. I know I am now middle aged, overweight and going through the menopause, so it’s no wonder he's looking for something new and exciting. I have seen a picture of her, she's gorgeous.

So what do I do?

Narcissist husband
by: SouthCarolinaMomma0621

I have been married to my husband for two years, together for three. I’m 26 and he took me from my ex-husband. Sometimes I think back to it and feel like it was almost literal. My husband is 43 and very, very handsome and very successful. At first I used to think damn, I’m the sexy younger wife he brought in to run his businesses and be next to him. And now I realize he had me by his side to control me. I don’t look beautiful, I don’t feel beautiful and I’m really unhappy with myself. He’s constantly cheating on me with women who work for us, who say he is giving money to them. I’m constantly told I am doing something wrong, whether it is the way I do the dishes or care for our son that we planned because we thought we were falling out of love. He only hit me two separate times and of course "both were my fault". But I’m realizing now my son will be better without his parents together and that doesn’t make it bad. If he’s 43 and single, he’s not picking you because you're the hot wife. He is picking you because no-one his age wants him.

Dont wait too long
by: Anonymous

Reading all of these stories broke my heart. My message for anyone reading this is to be cautious when thinking that things will change for the better. My husband has been texting women for years (my gut had told me there was something going on and I finally checked his phone). But it never crossed a certain line as the women were not interested and either ignored him or asked "where is your wife". (He only goes for stunning women).

Then the usual situation happens when you confront them. They change the topic to how it was an invasion of their privacy to check their phone, which you cannot argue with. I never left as I felt that it had not gone past a certain point, so maybe it was not that bad? Fast forward and after 13 years of being together, now a woman is finally interested and he wants a divorce. At 40 I need to start over and I couldn't even say the past years have been that happy. So I would say to you that if there are multiple instances of texting and ANY hint of them shifting the blame or getting aggressive, then it is best to leave. I don't like the person that I became while I was around him. I hope I can at least find some happiness now, even though I made some silly decisions. They say it’s never too late.

Married for almost a year
by: Anonymous

My husband and I have only been married for 9 months. And until 3 months ago I thought we had a really good marriage and relationship. I thought I married my best friend and soulmate. However 3 months ago, I started to notice how clingy he was to his phone and his behavior changed. He would leave the house randomly and claim it was business related. But my extinct knew otherwise. I decided to check his phone one day he slept in, and low in behold, found texts back from before we got married up until now. He texted so many women on Facebook and even exchanged numbers with some, flirting and sexting. I can’t prove he slept with anyone, but I wouldn’t be surprised. By the way we’re having a baby, I’m 5 months pregnant and he’s been entertaining other women the entire time. After confronting him, he denied it (of course) and I showed him proof. He finally admitted and I decided to put him out, he begged to come back and after a month I took him back. Fast forward to today, I found him messaging another random woman on fb. And it’s safe to say, I’m leaving him and never looking back.

Same here!
by: Anonymous

It’s so interesting and saddening to read everyone’s comments. I only stumbled across this page after googling "my husband won’t stop texting other women". I’ve been married 20 years and I honestly thought my husband really loved me and what we had was special. I never ever thought he’d cheat on me. But, here goes-

After about 2/3 yrs. of marriage he used to go swimming once or twice a week. No big deal he was trying to keep fit. Turns out he used to "chat" and made friends with several different women. He admitted once some time later that he never told one that I existed - didn’t lie about me but I just never happened to come up in conversation. She even asked him to go on holiday with her. Now back then I was young and stupid and didn’t really think too much of it.

Fast forward to being married 10 yrs. He used to come home and talk about a women at work a lot. Again I trusted him. No reason not to. One Sunday morning I found a text on his phone from "Mark" that said "I miss you". My heart was racing. I ran out the front door with the phone and rang the number and you’ve guessed it, a woman answered. He swore nothing went on. That he was flattered by the attention blah, blah, blah. At one point he even tried to say it was my fault. It’s never his.

I left him and went to stay with my mom. But stupidly I went back. Biggest mistake of my life. If I hadn’t gone back I’d be happy by now. By going back I’ve suffered for another 10 yrs.

What he does now is finds all sorts of women on any kind of social media. He knows exactly what he’s doing as always manages to befriend ladies who are middle aged, a bit over weight and ugly. Sorry but it’s true. He does it as he knows they are more likely to fall for his BS. He says some nice things and makes them feel good. But WHY? Why does he do it?

He never stops. He’s just goes from one to the next. When it gets a bit hot he’ll block them and move onto the next. He always deletes the messages but sometimes I manage to get to his phone before he does. Why if as he claims it’s all innocent and no problem does he delete them then?

I hate him. I hate how he makes me feel. I feel as though I’m not good enough and always feel so sad. What he doesn’t realize it I don’t love him like I used to. I resent him for what he’s put me through but I mostly suffer in silence.

He’s not a very nice husband, he’s been abusive to me and gets nasty if I try to tell him how he makes me feel. He works hard at his job but does nothing round the home. Tonight for example he was winding our 14yr old daughter up at the dinner table. All unnecessary. I got a bit annoyed asked him to stop and he got up from the table shouted at me and chucked his tea in the kitchen sink.

That’s my life. I spend the whole time either trying to not make him angry or paranoid he’s talking to other women.

Why don’t I leave? He’s made it quite clear if the marriage ends I’ve got to leave as it’s his house - it’s actually ours! Our kids are 14 & 20. I’ve got a nice house. If I walk, I walk with nothing. I know you’ll say I’m entitled to half but he won’t go for it. I’d have to go through the courts. So what do I do in the mean time?

I’ve just accepted that I have to either wait for him to leave me, wait for the kids to have left home so I’m on my own or wait for him to die.

It started so innocently
by: Anonymous

Leave that creep. He sounds dishonest and he sounds like a liar, like all of them are. I am not a swimsuit model, but I can hold my own and I have also wasted an enormous percentage of my life trying to hold my marriage together for my children's sake. I would leave him immediately and start a new life with someone honest. I am so grateful for what you wrote, as it sounds just like what I am living through and until I read your note I too, was afraid to leave my husband. Reading your story made me realize what a horrendous situation I am living in. I imagine your friends and family are telling you to leave him. He sounds like a jerk and you deserve so much more!

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