He had another family

by Anon57
(Toronto)

Fasten your seat belt ladies, here comes my story. I was married for 27 1/2 years and have one son who is 25 and married, and a 22 year old daughter who is in college and lives with me. I found out my husband has had a Romanian mistress for 10 years. They have a daughter who is 8 years old and they only live 5 minutes away from where we live.



I went crazy when I found out and I asked him to make a decision; either stay with us or move out. Sure enough, he moved out with them… I forgot to mention his family knew all along and they used to socialize with them on every occasion.


We both hired lawyers to dissolve our marriage and get the financial assets divided fairly, because he was giving me a hard time for my financial share. After being separated for a year and 3 months, the court date was supposed to be in August.


But my husband wanted to reconcile. He wanted to move back with me and make things work the way we planned it long time ago… We have worked so hard to get where we are now, meaning we started to build our assets from -0 to a very comfortable life style.


I agreed to let him to move back in after talking to him on the phone every day. When he moved back, we used to stay up late talking, laughing, and watching movies. We discussed so many different issues and we promised each other we will make our marriage work. Not only we will try, but he said to kill him if he moves out again or does anything stupid.


We agreed on everything, even no physical contact. I told him I needed lots of time to get over this and he said to take as much time as you want, as long I am with you it is all that matters. He also assured me he will do a DNA paternity test on the girl just to make me happy (because I always tell him she doesn't look like him at all and she is probably not his).


Sure enough, I trusted him again with everything he does or says. Not because I am stupid or being forced to or being weak, but because I have a big heart for forgiveness. He told me everything about her and how they met (she was an exotic dancer and was married too, at the same time as having an affair with a married man).


I know ladies. You’re asking why did he even go to a men’s club in the first place? Well, he was with
his so-called best friend repairing his car in that area. The car wasn't ready at the time, so the friend insisted they go to the strip club to kill some time, and the rest is history.


Now after 3 months, he moved back with me and cut all the physical relationship with her, except he still pays her mortgage and child support. One day she called me up and told me that he is still having intercourse with her. He denied it completely and convinced me again that she is lying to me. I believed him until a week ago when she called me again, telling me he is going to sleep at her place for the night (he was already there to see the girl).


I freaked out and I asked him if it was true, if he was still fooling around with her. His answer was yes. I asked him to come home as soon as possible, but he refused to come home until the girl fell asleep. When he came home that night, I asked him if he still had feeling for her, and his answer was yes. I said that is not what you tell me every time I ask you. He said I think I was trying to hide my feelings for her, although you are more beautiful than her and you are a more respected woman than her, but I have no more physical feeling for you. I was SO crushed when he said that to me, and I answered him “You bast*rd, I should be the one saying that to you”.


So, after a very long night, we went to sleep as usual in the same room. The next morning I asked him to move out completely and never look back. He said he loves me, and can he do 3 nights with them and 4 nights with me? I laughed so hard and I asked what kind of man are you?


So, I helped him pack his belongings and off he goes to her place. Now his mother wants him to move out from the mistress’ house and live with her until he works things out with me. Until now, he didn't decide what he wants. I still talk to him on the phone, but my 2 kids are not talking to him at all. They wrote him a letter telling him how they feel about him, and as far as they know he is dead to them.


I contacted my lawyer to proceed with the divorce papers. I miss him very much, now I am not sure if I miss him from loneliness or love, soon I will find out and figure it out.

Comments for He had another family

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Betrayal
by: Mackenzie

My husband worked in another country on a regular basis until Covid prevented him from traveling there. He just told me he has another family and is bringing his teenage daughter to this country to go to high school. We have been married for over 25 years and have four grown daughters. I do not recognize the man I married. He has lied for 14 years, half our marriage. My girls are devastated as am I. I am not sure how to proceed, since the man I thought I love is fiction.
So sorry about your story
by: Just Found Out

I just found out my partner (we’ve been together for 8 years and have a 7 years old daughter) has been in another relationship for 14 years and they have 2 kids.

Wow. Still processing it.

He just got Covid and was staying in an Airbnb. I made a surprise visit and brought him things to leave by the door and at the same time his other woman came to drop things off.

She said they have a house 2 blocks away and told me all about their life and how fed up she is with his lies.
Please don't judge
by: Anosha

I have been reading your situation. I don't know when it happened. I got here trying to figure out if my husband has another family.

I am from another country and I met him through a dear friend who had been friends with him like for 20 years or so. He told me that he is a good man and he thought we would make a great couple. We began to communicate through letters. After that we talked on the phone every day and then he came to my country to meet me.

Let me tell you something about me, I am a working girl. I had a good job and I was taking care of my family, I just wanted a man to love and who truly loved me. And I found him. After coming here to visit him and him going there for a year, we got married. I went back and stayed there for a year while I could come legal. I was not looking to come here for any residence or money. I was struggling but somehow I was able to live well.

When I came here, I thought that I was going to live with him at his house and he told me that he wanted to buy me a house to start a new life. He did and I thought he was going to live with me, but after three years he hasn't and I have discovered some things but I haven't been able to find anything clear. Things are always confusing and he is good at giving me a good answer. The truth is that at this point, I don't want to look for anything or find anything. Although he doesn't sleep here, he is here every day most of the day. He takes care of me and he says that he has some things to fix, but soon he will be with me the way I want. I was married before and my marriage ended because he cheated on me and he confessed that he loved her.

I know how you feel. I don't excuse the women who know what they are doing, but I am not like them. I don't know what to do… as I said, there is nothing clear. I left my country, my family, everything to come here and I have found the man of my dreams because he is. He is a better husband than most husbands, he takes care of me, and he spends almost all day with me. I work with him, people from his office know me, some friends of him too. Although I don't have a social life with him, we go to restaurants and stuff but never with his friends. He tells me that his ex is a woman from the society with money, and he is too. I am humble and with not much education, although I had gotten far at my job in a very important company.

The first two years I did try to find something and I found that there is a woman. He told me that is his ex-wife, but I am not sure if he still lives with her... I don't know... In general I live a good life, but there is always something telling me that something is wrong. He has been so good to me, to my family, I can't see a reason to end our marriage. But once in a while something brings me to this point, asking myself what to do and what if...

I am sorry for all of you, I hope that you get a better life. I really hope that he doesn't have another wife or another family, I mean he has told me that he has children, but they are in their 40s. I don't know anyone from his family because he told me that his brothers are dead and his kids don’t talk to him... He is a really good man, I don't see how he could do something like that.

Our mutual friend never knew anything, he knew some girlfriends coming and going, but he never mentioned anything about a wife... As I said, at this point I don't want to dig in anything...I really hope that I am not hurting anyone. I really hope that his problems to fix are something different than another wife. He is 74 now and I am 30 years younger, but I am not a gold-digger as some would think. I do think I was lucky to find him and it is not my fault that he has money.

I just live every day, giving him my love and taking care of him as much as I can. And I really pray God that my case is not like the one you mention. Anyway, I guess that time will tell. I hope that God will have Mercy on me if I am being part of something like that.
Same situation
by: Isabel

I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I am in the same situation as you. Today I found out that my husband has another family and a 3 year old boy. And the worst part is that my 13 year old son knew about because my husband told him. My son even met the kid and my husband told my son not to tell me because he is going to do it at the right time. I feel devastated. This month we will have been married for 15 years. I don't know what to do, I never imagined that it would happen to me. I would have put my hands on the fire for him. My kids are devastated too.
My husband never really left his ex girl friend
by: Jayme

Just one month ago me and my husband of almost 20 were getting ready to go out of town to see our first live NBA game together. We were planning an overnight stay out of town away from our four kids ages 15, 13, 6 and 3 years old.

A few days before our wonderful trip together I checked the mail which is something my husband usually does. While flipping through the mail I noticed a child support letter addressed to my husband. I ripped the letter open and I see where he was being issued child support as the non-custodial parent of a child whose mother name was one I've known from his past. The mother was his ex-girlfriend who I met over 20 years ago after they supposedly broke up. I dropped from devastation to my knees and cried as if something died inside of me.

When my husband returned home that afternoon and was confronted of this allegation these exact words still haunts me to this very day, '' me and (xxxxxx) have a 7 old daughter together''. I just burst into tears wondering how, why, and etc. He said that five years after we got married he ran into his ex in a store and exchanged numbers. He also admitted giving her money to help her with her bills only as a concerned friend. Eight years later of paying her bills, the last $30 dollars ended up with a child. They raised a child secretly for eight years together in a neighborhood ten minutes away from our home.

For weeks I had nightmares and still cry today. He claims they only fooled around once. He said he's older now and doesn't want to be with her. He's promised to be honest and faithful to me and that I'm the only woman for him. But I don't understand why she just now filed for child support after eight years. He has admitted to seeing the child every other week. The ex will not return my calls seeing that we know each other. I want to hear her side of the story.

I started my divorce papers, but I still somehow want to cling on to my 20 year marriage. I don't want to feel as if these last 20 years were a waste, but these last eight years have been a lie to me. Even his side of the family knew of this child and never mentioned this to me or my kids. I feel betrayed, not only by my husband but my so called extended family.

My self-esteem is at an all-time low and knowing that I'm getting ready to let my marriage go really hurts. A marriage that I've spent the last twenty years building. The part that hurts the most is that I'm losing my husband, the father of my children, and my friend to this woman. This a woman with seven kids by different fathers, no job, living off of section eight. And I have to admit not only is she ugly on the inside, but also very unattractive on the outside. I'm a professional that works in a respectable career field and always put my family needs ahead of mine. I try to live by Gods words.

Just looking for some encouraging advice before making my next move or any other perspective of this situation. Any clues to help me fill in the blanks. I would not wish this situation to occur to my worst enemy but from what I'm reading I'm not alone. In a way it's great to get advice from someone who’s experienced what I'm going through.
You're Strong so Never give up
by: Kevin

I want to start off by saying I'm a man. I'm not even that old, just 20 years old to be exact. Your story actually touched me, it touched a place in me that has always fought for women to be treated with respect. You deserve so much better, you are a gem and you deserve to be treated like one. Men these days are hormone fueled and sexist and disrespectful, there are many of us who have a certain level of decency but they are rare and are hard to find. I cannot say that I am very decent but I try. And you WILL find a man who loves you for you and loves every part of you, both the physical and non-physical. He will love how strong you are and he will love your very soul and the beautiful heart I see you have. Never ever give up. I'm young but when I find the right woman I hope to treat her with respect so she will never have to feel the way you did when your Husband did those despicable things. Stories like this need to be told, but I hope you feel supported because you will always be strong and you WILL make it.
Stick to your guns
by: Emilee

Wow!!! I won't say I feel sorry for you because I sense you are a very strong woman. I will say I hope you kick him to the curb for good and let his family deal with him and his mess and take him for all he is worth. They are all complicit in him hurting you.

Find a lot of new things to do to establish your own identity. If you don't want to be alone anymore then you can find a man who will love you and respect you. You are a quality woman who would be a prize for any man. If you want to be alone forever, you can still have a fabulous and full life with the family you raised and the friends you love and respect.

Stop talking to him!!!! He has said he doesn't want you physically... that is called rejecting a part of you. If he loved you, he would love all of you...not just dwell in his indecision to have his cake and eat it too.

You are the winner--whether you have him or (please God) not. Consider him yesterday's news and start writing new chapters with the life you have left. He does not deserve one more moment of your time and consideration. Good luck to you.
Moving forward
by: BeingFree

Oh my God, it’s unbelievable. You made a good comment that stuck out in my mind... What kind of man are you? You are so right. This is not a man. A real man wouldn't have gone to that club, even if his friend was pushing him to go. A real man would stick by his wife and kids.
I am going through a big mess too. I know for me, my heart just stops when I think about my ex with the other woman, or she thinks she is getting to me when she texts me nasty messages. I hope this feeling dwindles away sometime soon. As far as I am concerned, she has won nothing. They are 2 peas in a pod.

All I know is that my kids see me as a strong person and moving forward and taking care of myself... that is the most important thing. It’s time to take care of you. My one good friend gave me some advice after she went through a huge mess too... she said don't think of being alone, think of yourself as being free.

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