I Got Tired of Being Controlled
by Anne Marie
After thirty years of marriage and two children (now in college), I finally found the courage to snap the chains that have controlled me for all of my married life.
My husband controlled the money. He opened accounts I didn't know about; he took my entire paycheck every month and gave me sixty dollars a month. (I make $65,000 a year). My husband controlled the heat and the electricity. If I turned up the heat, he turned it off. If I turned on a light, I returned to a room to find it had been shut off. My husband controlled the dishwasher; it wasn't to be used. My husband controlled the garbage. If I put potato peelings in the garbage, he took them out and threw them outside.
One might ask how or why I tolerated this behavior. I do, too. However, it was just "easier" to let him have his way so I didn't have to endure the angry outbursts, the yelling, and the belittling comments. I have learned that this is a "walking on eggshells" environment.
He kept me working while he took two sabbaticals and then retired. Finally, I began to realize that my life and circumstances were never going to change...unless I cut him loose. So, I took control of my money by canceling his "direct deposit," I opened up my own credit card account, as well as my own checking account. The first check I wrote was to my lawyer. I filed in July. I have a long way to go in this divorce process, but I gain strength by knowing that someday I will be in control of my money, as well as my life.