No remorse for his infidelity
A "fling" and its destructive powers that I thought we were working on (I was wrong) was what started unraveling out marriage. While we were separated to "work things out" he had a full-fledged affair and lied right to my face so many times. He showed no remorse for his infidelity, was disrespectful, and his emotional abuse was unbelievable. It’s like I’m just not as important as he is, so I don’t count for anything. There has been too much damage done and he thinks I'm the only one who should be working on things.
He still remains secretive and won't talk without blowing up at me. It's never the right time to talk with him. He will always find a good excuse to shut me up and he always puts me down…hard. I was the only one trying to communicate in the marriage in an attempt to resolve our differences. He doesn't like to talk about anything, anytime.
His game is to ignore me. If he ignores me long enough he can continue to blame me by saying "That happened 3 years ago. When are you going to let that go and move on?" He has put me off for three years now not answering my questions or answering a question with a question, always getting angry if I want to discuss the affair in any way shape or form. He blows up and I back down, but the questions never leave my mind and they resurface at a later date. But it's my problem not his.
He's content just sweeping all his lies and betrayals under the rug and leaving it all there. We've been married for 38 years. I have no children (he can't be a father). All I ever wanted to be was a Mom, but since it didn't matter to him, we never adopted either. I'm so depressed. My entire adult life was just a waste. He thinks I should be content with devoting my life to him as he deserves it. Clearly I don't deserve anything and he should get an award for putting up with me.
Now he’s a few months away from retirement and tells me it's too late. If I filed for a divorce he wouldn't have to pay spousal support if he's retired. What a thoughtful man he is. Thoughtful of himself alone! I told him once I bet you sing Lionel Richie's song “I'm Stuck on You" to yourself!
I was a virgin when we married too. He's all I've ever known. I'm all alone. I have no one.