No remorse for his infidelity

by Rose
(California)

A "fling" and its destructive powers that I thought we were working on (I was wrong) was what started unraveling out marriage. While we were separated to "work things out" he had a full-fledged affair and lied right to my face so many times. He showed no remorse for his infidelity, was disrespectful, and his emotional abuse was unbelievable. It’s like I’m just not as important as he is, so I don’t count for anything. There has been too much damage done and he thinks I'm the only one who should be working on things.

He still remains secretive and won't talk without blowing up at me. It's never the right time to talk with him. He will always find a good excuse to shut me up and he always puts me down…hard. I was the only one trying to communicate in the marriage in an attempt to resolve our differences. He doesn't like to talk about anything, anytime.

His game is to ignore me. If he ignores me long enough he can continue to blame me by saying "That happened 3 years ago. When are you going to let that go and move on?" He has put me off for three years now not answering my questions or answering a question with a question, always getting angry if I want to discuss the affair in any way shape or form. He blows up and I back down, but the questions never leave my mind and they resurface at a later date. But it's my problem not his.

He's content just sweeping all his lies and betrayals under the rug and leaving it all there. We've been married for 38 years. I have no children (he can't be a father). All I ever wanted to be was a Mom, but since it didn't matter to him, we never adopted either. I'm so depressed. My entire adult life was just a waste. He thinks I should be content with devoting my life to him as he deserves it. Clearly I don't deserve anything and he should get an award for putting up with me.

Now he’s a few months away from retirement and tells me it's too late. If I filed for a divorce he wouldn't have to pay spousal support if he's retired. What a thoughtful man he is. Thoughtful of himself alone! I told him once I bet you sing Lionel Richie's song “I'm Stuck on You" to yourself!

I was a virgin when we married too. He's all I've ever known. I'm all alone. I have no one.

Comments for No remorse for his infidelity

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It's so hurtful
by: Ckay

I could have written that story, still growing through it. I'm having a hard time time trying to understand that these men were/ are supposed to be our husbands. It is so hurtful.
My heart goes out to you
by: DJ

I have 3 boys all under 11 and my wife of 15 years just had an affair. Got caught, filed for divorce, left the kids and I, and moved in with the guy. 80 days later she tells me to leave our house. I said no, so now she is trying to take the kids for money and says I'm brainwashing them.

It's been 9 months and one court hearing and I haven't been able to say a word yet. She gave me no time to grieve, has no remorse and we’re in a no-fault state that could care less. It's utter bull. Unless it's happened to you, no one will understand. I'll pray for you and you pray for me and what I learned is I had to have more self-respect. I hope you escape and travel to places you've dreamed and I bet you'll met someone along the way. Your ex be waiting for your return, but it won’t happen. And it will hit your ex what he lost. And he will die alone.
I pray for everyone who is suffering through this hurt. Remember someone💕 loves you and you are not alone💕
by: I'M BACK AGAIN ROUND #2

Thank you to anyone for reading this. I am getting more desperate in every way! I am beyond worn out, very tired and locked in my bedroom. It is safer here without him attacking me. This is getting worse than I could ever imagine! Life isn't supposed to be this bad..... This is scary!

I am trapped, but am trying to get away. No one wants to believe what's going on behind closed doors. The bruises are brutal. He is turning into more of a 'faceless monster'... I don't recognize him. He continues to play an award winning role to others still. I have asked my one friend for advice on what to do, but no one wants to really get involved. No one knows what is really going on here truly. My son and I are living in fear with the sober guy and the drunk evil guy who runs around for everyone else but me. Mr. Nice guy is not around anymore. He’s only here for show.

He is what we call "Mr. Playboy" or Mr. Available for all or any woman that he can impress, right? I will say this to any younger woman out there...

Run, run far away when you deal with guys like this because **real** men do not hurt the woman or wife in their life like this! These men are obviously very insecure and still don't change. Even when we try everything in our power to help them, or try to do everything for them in our lives, they do not ever really change! They pretend after the wicked fights to be sorry.

I never get a "sorry" anymore. I get nothing for any occasion. Just more lies and he plays me if he buys me some flowers. I threw them out this year! I felt good for myself for doing it because it is for show. So he can lie to the work men and woman. Look one way...do another. It never lasts. He blames me for all his issues and problems.

These types of men… They play a role and they can be sweet, nice, loving, and you think you’re in love? Well it’s true, love can be so blind or we put blinders on because we want love right? We look for a best friend, I did this and thought that to. I ignored some of the not so perfect qualities (I thought well, he is awesome right?). He was not like a bad guy, he was and still can charm anyone with his sweet personality along with his good looks. He always worked a lot and made good money, but the tradeoff was not that good for me.

Many woman he flirted around with and hit on him. Of course a secret friendship developed at work. He never told me she even existed back then... I found out and it was too much to bear, for he keep his emotional long-time affair secret from me. It killed the marriage after that. He lied about her for 25ish years? I knew when he started acting weird on me; he did weird stuff like shaving his man part. But I never knew this till he was showering one day after work and I was shocked because he said oh he did it for me. Not! Well that was a lie because I never had known him to do this before... yet he said "What do you think? Remember I did it for you before remember?" Nope.... I do not.

I am supposed to be crazy, insane and I need help? Wrong! He needs the help! Red flag to me! Since I found out to now, I still have not forgotten it and everything else I finally called it out. He denied it! I knew he was in that deep. He still lies about his secret friend, as she is now on a leave from work. Poor her, I wonder why?! There were more woman he flirted with in our neighborhood or out of town at other workshops he went to. Just friends? You do not compliment the ladies on their hair and compliment them, when your loyal wife gets nothing. I blow any of them all away in looks as they were all opposites of his type he goes for. Sorry I do not mean to sound rude or disrespectful. I’m am just so tired, and sickened, and hurt by the disrespect from these woman pigs. He still does this with other woman like realtors or any woman that will talk with him. Again, Mr. nice guy (role player/playboy player)

However, fast forward 35 years later??? Life has never been easy for me. I will not lie and say it was always hard 24/7, but it has been a challenge with someone like him. He hides his problems well, he drinks beer or now mixed hard cans of expensive liquor every day! I was blown away by the secrets he hides from me when I went to the bank to get my own card. He blows money on his drink more than I could have imagined!

I could maybe have tried to save money to leave. But there is nothing for me. I am in the worst place I have ever been in my entire life as I type this out. Please think about these types of men. They never ever change. This one tried to, but he is a stranger to me now. I do not know him like I thought! He has only hurt me more in my life more and worse. It is getting so bad I am struggling terribly, no one would believe it.

He is a master at pretending and lies to all people. He still is running around, checking out any woman that will talk to him. He is a pathetic loser. Not a man, just a wanna-be. He is into himself and I am in my room still 16 hours and nothing. He was so drunk last night, I had to hide and go to bed. He has not checked me nor will he. He lives for others. My son reads him well. We have no choice. I do not know how long I can keep up just getting up every morning. I have a son I look after. I can't barely do it for him anymore.

I have begun to not ever leave the house as Covid hit my health very hard. I am still trying to recover, but have long-term covid effects in the body as lungs are still battling the severe after effects. I almost died. I pray I get better because my husband’s very bad behaviors over the years have made me a different woman. I was strong, but am weakening slowly. I feel like I am dying slowly from his toxic carnival show. It is hard to be happy in life when having too much to put up with from these types of men disrespecting us women, wives, partner ex's.

I just cannot 'do this' much longer living with a phony. He could not love me due to his violent outbursts and rage along with the drinking and with him acting crazy. He blames me for everything, but this is not true. It is him and his insecure man child sick brain! I can't stand his ways nor do I put up with his constant lies. I call him out, but he only lies denies and lies more! Right to my face, when I know he is full of it! Why does he continue his BS life style? He is a sick person and a very bad who will try to make you believe he's an angel (a good guy like he has played this role for a long time).

One day I pray I get out and I pray I can find someone who can help me get away, to move to be in some place of happy peace & positive energy in the country again. That is all I want and deserve in my life. I want peace and someone one day to be a truthful friend to me. Someone that will respect me and not to make fun of me. He really makes fun of me now, along with taunting me to leave. He told me he wants a divorce now. But I have dropped this d word time and time again to no avail, as he plays me like a dumb woman... I am not this! Also when I have anxiety from the PTSD, it is hard to keep calm.

I am numb now. I lost my groove. Don’t lose yours! Stay true to who you are. You can do anything. I have bad health issues and I look after our son whom is at home with me and he's a wonderful young man. Mr. Phony, on the other hand, has been treating us terrible with his outbursts and screaming matches. He is still ogling any woman. I have not been able to do anything or go anywhere. My anxiety got worse as my health from all the stress also has worn me right out. I wish I had gotten out early on! Instead now I am very afraid of what he will do. He tends to drunk-talk to anyone.

I wish I left him years ago. But he has me like a prisoner. I do not know how I will get away from him or move out. I have no money, no credit (he has made sure of everything) I do not have anything but my sanity, but how much longer can I keep going? How much longer before something happens? This has been my peace & my safe haven. I wrote back again because I was desperate! I’m sorry.

I pray if anyone is thinking about getting away or can leave... please leave. I know I’m one to talk, but I am trying to find a way. I am in tears and desperate. If he found out I wrote this, I do not want to know what he might do. He might hopefully laugh at me and tell me no one would or will believe me. Thank you for letting me express my grief my pain my emotions. I promised myself I would try, but I keep dreaming of another life as praying something will be a positive somehow someway. God bless each & every one of you. Know you are loved!
🌼🌷
I feel your pain
by: Mary

I read your post and the entire time I’m saying yep, yep and yep that too. We’ve been married 43 years and I too have been cheated on, lied too, berated, made to feel I’m stupid for bringing up the past. We haven’t been intimate for at least 18 years. No hand holding. No sweet nothings. No gifts for holidays. No compliments. No sweet kisses. Nothing. I’ve told him on several occasions I feel more like his sister than his wife. He either doesn’t get it or doesn’t care. We haven’t shared a bed for at least 15 years. The night my mother died I spent the night alone in my bed crying myself to sleep. No he didn’t care. I’m tired. So tired but I don’t know why we stay together. Don’t feel like you’re alone. I’m sure there are lots more out there just like us. I’ll pray for you just like I pray that one day it will turn around. I guess it’s possible
He cheated and continues to torment me
by: Lanee

I’m not going through a divorce. I’m young. I’m only 16. But I have nowhere to talk and I need to share this. I got cheated on and this a-hole is acting like it's nothing. It’s BS. He’ll randomly send me texts that are entirely ridiculous. I don't know how he can cheat on me and then act like he's a good guy trolling someone who is bad. I’m not perfect, I’m more than aware of that, but I cannot understand how he can literally cheat on me and then out of the blue just text me something like "like my recent".

It sounds like a joke, but I feel like I’m going insane. It hurts and he isn't apologizing. He’s just pouring salt into the wound and I do not get how he can feel no remorse for doing that to me after all of the sacrifices I made for him. About a year ago we started dating and halfway through the relationship he cut off all contact with me. Then, he reached out again and claimed he would never do it again. This time he cheats and decides to just mess with me in hopes that I’ll let him get away with it. I feel so weak. I feel like I’m a pushover for letting him back into my life the first time and a stupid for letting myself think for a second that he had changed. I don't know, it just sucks.
I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE...HE LIES ABOUT EVERYTHING!
by: FOOLED

I have read all your comments and can relate to so many of you. I am glad I am not alone! I have been with this lair for my whole life… what a waste of 35 years. I was manipulated by this player. He was good looking and seemed to care about me. We met while we were in a very small gym. I think back now to all the bs, like he didn't want anyone to know we were seeing each other? Because he said he was private? No, this was the red flag from day 1! We had everything in common. But again... he stated he did not drink... liar, he was only going to have a beer because he was wanting to be in great health.

Fast forward. We went to Mexico and he took off on me and gave excuses why he was gone? He was playing with the people from the country? Gone a lot, working out? Yet he told me a few years ago a woman from that country wanted him to go to her house and she was hitting on him but he turned her down. Well, I doubt that. He met some weird couple that were sharing each other and I met these wack jobs; I was young and very stupid. He had another secret female friend when we were seeing each other for months. So my boyfriend’s sister-in-law told me he was getting 10 calls a day from some girl. Well I was shocked, he said he just was going through a bad time and she was just a hook up. Someone to take home to mom? So again, I put up with him even going to a hotel with her, as all these friends of his (which I never got ever to meet) were there.

Yup, I stayed home because I was sick with our baby. I got pregnant and he still went out. I was always watching him hit on all other woman while drinking or not drinking. I was never a drinker. He hung out with the boys out of town and ran around on me for years. I heard stories. I saw the behaviors. I thought I could make him stop if I was a good mother, as well as being a good wife.

It never stopped. He got sneakier and always blamed me for his issues. 35 years later, I am still catching him with this type of behavior. Always drinking and hanging around with another woman, or talking with his secret female co-worker for like 27 years!!! Yup, I found out he was having an emotional affair... Yeah, he denies it. I catch him talking with her even after I found out. He tried to lie and tell me I was the liar. He said I told him he could talk to her because he admitted she was a friend and he was nothing more than her friend? He down played his behaviors. He chased her along with her being such a sc@nk. She did not want to meet me. Well, I wonder why? He gave her compliments on her hair and her weight loss is going well (with him back then also on a major diet). It is so upsetting because I lost 33 pounds at the time I figured they were carrying on. He never complimented me one time! He was her rock.

You see, someone called me 2 x to tell me and ask me if I knew what my husband was up to at work. I was called again a week later to ask me if I knew who my husband talked to when he was away from the house. What? He denied everything. They wanted to meet me one day because I told him a friend of yours for 27 year is a friend of mine. So when I said I will meet her, she pulled the pin. Never got the chance! Liars they are, pure liars.

I have never wanted to be with him like from the start. I died inside those long days and nights! It was the worst experience of my life. Again, he has done this with being at Garth Brooks concerts/etc. taking off drinking with a woman in the corner. I was waiting for him while our wedding song played 45 mins later...nothing? I looked for him and found him with a blonde woman close up to her. Yup, I flipped and told him let's go. He never came right away. He lied to me about some long lie that his cousin worked at the place she did? Again, bs!

He has acted like this with so many woman, even on our wedding day! Yup, a friend of ours was all over him. His friends was from work and she was all in his body space. He did not do anything about it and blamed it on booze. Again, it was all him with boundaries always off! It was my drunk husband allowing this, period! What a waste of my life!

I am having a hard time as I had to quit my jobs so he could work (he was out of town and gone a lot). I am at home and for years I’ve been looking after our special needs son. I have been here for our daughter when she was ill as a baby. He is now acting out with the woman at the liquor store! I found him after he took off one night, and found him with some plain Jane woman (sorry I do not mean to be mean or negative), but he blamed her for flirting as she was, he said, overly friendly with him because she complimented him on his Irish bracelet. Anyhow I watched him for 5 minutes. I flipped out on him and told her he is a drunk and never let him talk you in to giving him beers for free (because I took his wallet home).

Again, I am done! I also know he has been a playboy with our daughter’s younger roommate. He is going over there several times a day, on weekends, anytime he is off work, days off, holidays as he is taking out the garbage for them. Our daughter is overlooking this issue. He drives our adult daughter to work or picks her up anytime and drives her everywhere. She is in denial 100% on her daddy. Our son sees him for what he is. He calls him a playboy and being Mr. Friendly, the guy who will do anything and everything for any other woman but myself. He will do stuff for me, but it is always for a price.

I feel sick from how stupid I have been. I want to leave. I do not have money, no job, no one to help me as he is the controlling one. Yet no one knows what I go through inside at home. I have terrible health and need someone to get the groceries. I have had cancer and I am in terrible pain daily. My son has a very rare syndrome and has chronic terrible pain to. I do not know what to do. I would never qualify for a place. I tried, he runs the money and I have nothing. He made sure he ruined my credit.

He has everyone fooled. No one believes me what he is like. Work people worship Mr. Good guy! I am stressed daily because the worst is yet to come now!!! He has dementia now... now what do I do? He is faking well at work. He has gotten so mean and cruel, putting me down and attacking me with everything else you can imagine. He hits me, but blames it on me and lies to the police when he called on me bc I locked him out when he is calling me every name in the book. He is so vile and cruel.

I have not been intimate with him for 4 1/2 years now as I live in my room and he is now on the couch. He has tried to touch me in inappropriate places where I have screamed for him to not ever touch me. I have went through hell and back bc in my 30 year marriage. He is sick in the head and a real insecure man I believe. He is a lot like all the others...no different and he will not let me go. He is evil with this dementia now. So bad he is acting out and drinking every day.

I do not know what I can do. No one seems to believe me, but I told my only friend due to him being such a fake phony. I am scared everyday with his increased drinking with his depression medication he takes, as it seems to make him crazy. He will not get help for the dementia. He is a young guy for this, 55 years old, and I know one day he will not work (one day soon), or drive...then what?

I just do not care anymore. I do not love him. I only wish he would leave and go back to the woman he chased at work or wanted to chased at bars, grocery stores, car shows, anywhere he was or is, any woman seems to be a need for him to help or impress. I want to be free from him and move on, to just get away and be broke with nothing (rather than live like I am). It is so fake. I hate pretending this is a great marriage. He is not a good husband like he has put out there at his work. He lives a lie daily and ruined my life! I have heart issues and I do not want to die since I look after our son and he needs me, as our daughter is wrapped around his finger along with her having him wrapped.

I feel hopeless. I am needing advice since no one would believe me. His family are just as evil as him. They wrote me off after they stole his money when his mom died. So I have no one I can go to. No family and I do not care about myself anymore. I have nothing but my son, my cats and God. But where do I go from here?
May love and light surround and protect you until you break free
by: Trina

Idk how old this is, but it sounds so similar to my life, minus I spent my entire adult life raising his children and taking care of our entire life by myself because he made more money than me. I stayed home to raise the children while he made a career for himself. 15 years into what I thought was a good solid marriage, after a year straight of begging him to notice me at all, while I was balling my eyes out in next room, he was flirting and having a full online affair making "plans" to be together. He got full-on busted, and refused to ever let me bring it up or talk about it.

Eventually I tried to leave his abuse and had him move out. I literally hung out with the opposite sex ONE TIME and he comes running back full force to ruin my life, my job, manipulate me back home, to make me suffer for going on 4 years now (like I'm the tramp or something simply because I tried to move on and enjoy my life). It's not so easy to get up and leave, but people wonder why do you stay, haven’t you had enough of the abuse....

It's a total destruction of your mind, everything you thought you knew about yourself, the fear of your entire life being wasted if you just walk away, no self-esteem, just a complete destruction of you as your own person. It’s like you no longer exist on any level and so aren't important enough and damn sure aren't strong enough mentally, physically or anything else to just get up and leave :(

Hearing someone else describing wtf my life is like is heartbreaking. May love and light surround and keep you safe until you can be free ❤️
Anytime!
by: Shari

Having said all that, is this abuse enough for you yet? Are you making a plan to leave him...anytime soon?

You know he doesn't care about you, so what are you waiting for? Until you care more about yourself then you do him?

What are you waiting for?
I don’t want this anymore
by: Same situation :(

It’s like me reading my story! All that they put us through breaks us in a way and it’s so hard to contemplate how a person (especially someone that tells you they love you) can do it. As I’m writing this, someone texted me two days ago of pictures of an fb account that my husband has and the other woman. I knew of their online affair (she’s from my country and is still there) last year and it broke me hard. When he said he was just bored that’s why he talked to her I was foolish enough to take him back.

This is on top of a nearly marital affair with the daughter of the landlord downstairs where we live who made our lives miserable. She scratched our car and we have a video of her but police didn’t bother, said they don’t know if it’s a man or a woman when clearly you can see it’s a woman with her dog in plain sight scratching the whole car. She made our daily lives hard, playing music early in the morning, turning our heat, water and lights off, crazy woman!

Now the other woman I am talking earlier about, someone sent me a message that he gave her a ring and they are engaged? While married to me?!! I am planning a way out, and it’s hard because we are in the middle of an immigration process for my youngest to be here (he’s the petitioner). I’m at my wit’s end. I can’t stay with him any longer. Seeing all of stories here breaks my heart even more. God bless all you beautiful and strong women.
Feeling subpar ruined my life
by: Adam

I am so sorry that happened to you. I am a man who (just like so many others have stated in these replies) is in a very similar situation which has unfortunately turned my life upside down. I question every past moment, every memory. At times I feel like I am a complete fool. My joy in the things I lived for, the things I believed in, what kept me going every day, down to my morals and even what I considered my life, the only thing that mattered to me.

Over the last 11 years and 3 children there have been many ups and downs. Even with things coming to light as this most recent reveal of betrayal, medical issues, surgeries, mental health issues, strings of bad luck. Financial hardships, getting screwed over time after time, which felt like would never end. I came home from working two jobs. Exhausted, sometimes didn't eat or drink the whole day at both jobs besides maybe some water from save more for the things her and my children preferred or needed. Dealing with migraines and suicide headaches. Periods of time knowing she was overwhelmed and between everything I had to accomplish in a day. Also everything she was responsible for at home, all of our other issues and stress and worry's.

Basically watching our relationship become nonexistant besides a texting, and usually a kiss goodbye while the other is sleeping. We always reassured the other. Somehow we always told the other how much we still love each other, and we are so lucky, how everything is so hard and draining right now, but eventually we will get somewhere, one day get to just enjoy the day. Enjoy each other, enjoy our amazing family together.

The end of each long bad day working two to three jobs seven days a week for 2 and a half years. Knowing we keep taking hits and loses. Knowing it feels never-ending. And not seeing an end in sight. I had every reason to give up. Every reason to lose hope. I walked into our bedroom, admired my beautiful amazing partner, who is human and has made mistakes as I have done just like everyone and I thought it built us stronger.

Always aware anything could happen behind my back. It could happen and I would be totally unaware. I knew she understood us and we could and should talk about all those type things. And in turn bond us closer together. More importantly help each other grow, learn lessons, basically fulfill the commitment between us by being each other’s best friend while assisting to become best parents we could be for our 7 year old boy- 5 Year Old princess- and 2 and a half year old boy.

I thought we both agreed, we're aware, and fully committed to do anything to become not only smarter and morally grown people individually, but become (the goal) the best possible parents and influence to the three of them by having our rare (I guess you can say) disagreements. Our agreement of our communication and no holds-barred honesty which every day was a lesson, everything was us learning to be the best person while never doubting (no matter what) we would be shown compassion and understanding from our partner.

Thank you if you’ve ended up reading the whole thing. Helping me to get off chest. Basically my world could be uncontrollably crumbling and crashing, engulfed in flames with radioactive air and failures. Didn't matter.

Adored them taking in what mattered. They were all were sleeping, comfortably warm, fed, and clean. I had them, they had me, we all had each other and alive. Amazing moment in life. It meant the world. Finally with the ones I loved and worked so hard for. I kissed each of them. Tucked them in. Laid down next to the woman who made me the luckiest unlucky guy in world. My best friend, the one who made my children.

The one who gives them and me every bit of her. My backbone. The family’s backbone. The engine in the airplane. Without her and her commitment and non-stop hard work, we would go down. I long for that sense of peace now.

Then things changed. The disrespect which I never experienced before. The blatant not caring to remember things I said, that I broke down saying time and time again. The blaming me every which way. When putting things together and bringing something up that putting her words and different experiences and memories and excuses. And even with having my heart ripped out of my chest. I am saying look, I understand this is hard for you to admit.

And truly when I put things together and sat you down and explained this must mean all those times you said this and this about me and how you’re not that type of person, and all this was not true. And when I look as see from accounts I knew about to conversations with guys I didn't know about. Evert single one you were bringing up stuff. You where the one really flirting. You where the one trying to meet up. You were the one bringing up sexual stuff. Pushing for it. Going deeper and talking and down for whatever. But with me, it was always idk what I like.

And when we had things planned and talked about trying to spruce stuff up after three kids. It was like "Hey you know I don't even think of stuff like this". I swear it kills me to feel like I was already counted out in her book. Like maybe whoever I'm up against, she can't even grasp the possibility of intimacy with me could even come close to the desire she has with him or others. I have never been insecure in any sexual relationship.

I had a break down, and I'm saying I love you and loved you so much that I told you everything and no matter what you did I am here for you. And come to find out, most of our past was a lie and lots of new things have come out. But the worst was the disrespect. The complete wow... she has never admitted to having physical relationships with anyone else... I want to believe her

I really don’t care either way. I just want to feel like our family is more important than those people, who she communicated with obviously for a reason. And it's done and we live and learn. But being told, after promising constantly over the last 10 years or I will tell you, to how completely how dumb are you. I was told, how I could blame her or what would I expect her to do. Anyone with me would have done the same. She said I am lucky she didn't do worst.

Now it's been better and she has shown remorse. And we are just all working on life. I just felt like everything I learned in life was wrong. Everything I ever thought I understood. Anything I stood for and loved, and what kept me going daily. I was wrong. I was a fool. I am a fool.

I truly felt like besides my death insurance being more than I was worth. I truly can't help but feel like the longer I am alive to influence my children, the more damage I am doing to them to make them become fools like me. And I am standing in the way of her being satisfied by what she desires and I truly feel she deserves it. But I am in the way. I am preventing my children from seeing the amazing woman she is. If I turn her into someone who has to hide things and get angry while also wasting time hiding things and having separate emotional affairs instead of focusing on our kids…

I failed life already. I failed her. I was subpar to anyone in those lies. I failed them all. Thanks for listening, but that feeling ruined my life.
Married to same person
by: Laurie

I read this and thought I must have written this in my sleep or something. Your plight with this B.S. is exactly what I’m going through. The only reason he has given for his behavior is "I must not be good enough. Anytime we go anywhere you are playing games on your phone or listening to a book (while traveling)". I just told him that I started that cuz he talked on the phone with work or friends the entire trips for years before I started listening to books or doing digital puzzles. I’m still waiting for the response to that.
Addiction and /or bipolar
by: Chanel

If you have no kids, just leave and know you are not the problem. My husband and I lived together for 9 years and have been married now for 26 years. I knew I was making a mistake, but punished myself because we had a child together. He screams, he is not supportive and I was the primary caregiver for our 2 children. Well I told myself 6 years ago when our son graduates high school I will live for myself without him.

They are bipolar and usually an addict in some nature. To live with them, you have to be aware of the tall tell signs of their additions which range from chemical, sex, gambling or spending. He does not respect himself the way you respect yourself, so just move on and look at the last 20 years as long term psychology Ed degree. I know all men do not act this way and I am sure I will meet someone knew and I am pretty certain my degree will pay off.
I feel your pain EXACTLY!
by: Kaia

I feel your pain almost exactly. The only differences are he brought his girl to our home and hid her in our box spring mattress (really). She found a way to co-exist without me ever seeing her. He would say I'm crazy and hearing things when I heard them whispering to each other. I don't understand how a man can do that to a woman he's supposed to love. My life too has been wasted. But I'm determined I'm going to get through it. I'm going to be a stronger woman because of this.
I feel like I wasn't enough
by: Gabbe

I was 16 and pregnant with his baby and he was 23; I had to return to my mom so that he wouldn't be put in jail because of my age.

I had just returned to my mom after visiting him when I was around six months pregnant. We had an amazing time, being so happy picking out our baby’s name and him telling me he was going to work hard to get us a house so we could be a real family. And so I called him every day from a payphone at a store 8 blocks from my house and he always sounded so happy.

Well, he cheated with a girl with the same first name as me (and almost the same middle name, almost the same birthday and the same interests as me). The only difference was she was a year older than me and blonde. Anyway, I almost died having his baby. I returned to him not knowing anything about what had happened while I was gone. He proposed and of course I said yes. I right away got pregnant with our second child.

When I was about six months pregnant with the second one, he got a letter from court. Supposedly, his one night stand led to her getting pregnant. So in between our daughters, he has another child. And I was so in love then that I couldn’t leave him and I let it go for a long time (almost sixteen years). But recently he has gotten behind on his child support to her, so it’s all coming back to me. And now that I want to start asking questions, he can’t remember anything about it. But he can remember stuff I did almost 20 years ago (basically when we started dating), and if I say it’s because she was prettier than me, he says nothing back. So I assume she was and that makes me feel like I’m not good enough. He also always calls me other girls names while his sleeping and calls me by a name (which I hate because she has the same name). How can I ever know that he is truly thinking about me and not her?
Let's take control
by: Mindy

All these stories are so hard to hear and every day you hear it many countless times. For women who have gone through this, I say it's time to take back what is rightfully ours… Independence and happiness. If we stay, we're letting them do it to us. Continuously walk away, that's how we fix this problem and stand on our own two feet. I know it’s easier said than done, but the reality is we're letting them do this to us and we are allowing it.
Leave
by: Shari

Sweetie....leave. Just make the decision to leave him for good. Be committed and disciplined to your decision. Make a plan and take your life back and go forward. Find happiness deep inside yourself, and work on self-love.

If you loved yourself, you would not stay with him. Why would you want to love him more than you love yourself?

Find one person as an anchor, tell them your plan and ask that they help you through this...and leave.

Hugs n kisses!
Same
by: Rilee

I am currently going through this. I found it my fiancé had been cheating on me for over a year (possibly longer). He was cheating when he proposed! Now it’s been 3 weeks since I found out and he mocks me for crying and tells me to get over it. I begged him for his time and to have a conversation with me for months before finding out. I feel so worthless. Having someone I cared for and supported for 4 years treating me with such distain is heart breaking. On top of that he's been stealing from me, now we're getting evicted. He doesn't want me although he says he does, he doesn't show it, but he won't leave either. I'm at a loss in my life.
Same Old News
by: Gayle

I hate hearing about so much pain that these selfish narcissistic men cause their partners. My situation is probably like many others where the man looks like a saint to the public. How could I divorce a great guy who would help out any person who asked, give lots of money to charity and gifts to friends and other family members? I knew the ex-husband as a cheater, liar, thoughtless man, and unmotivated worker, who had secrets like p*rn, womanizing and secret island bank accounts. He lost promotions at several jobs and got fired all the while giving our money to charity and religious organizations to look like a wonderful man. Hurtfully, I didn’t exist on his social media account and he had reconnected with former women classmates and with a much younger co-worker and had emotional and physical affairs.

During the divorce, I found out he had opened overseas accounts (not sure about all) and hid money from me for years by becoming the treasurer of several charities. He wrote our checks in exchange for the cash collected at charity events. He did not place that cash into our checking account. He used it for his secret accounts, gambling and womanizing. He always suggested use of our credit card to pay for dinner with groups of friends and collect cash to cover their part of the bill. That cash became part of his personal piggy bank. I was stupidly clueless since I trusted him and he had always paid our bills so I didn't know about these financial shenanigans. I was a homemaker with a special needs son. While we were married, he generously showed women a great time, all the while asking me to budget.

Long before the divorce, he told me we didn't have enough money to pay bills (lies) and forced me to take out loans. He did not support me when I had breast cancer. But I found out he sent flowers, cards and kind words to other women if they had an illness. He either met another fool or she’s too smart to fool but he is remarried. He is still admired by charities. Even many years after the divorce, I feel so betrayed since his true character is ignored because he is still beloved for his generosity.
The best book to read
by: A

Unfortunately, I know what you are going through.

Please read the book "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. It has all the answers you have been looking for. This book is about us.
No remorse for his infidelity
by: Olivia

I understand what you are going through. You do not have to stay in that kind of situation. My husband started having an affair with a crack addict. Then I found out that he was on it too. So I put my faith in God and God told me what to do. I left and was glad, we stayed married but apart until 3 years ago. Now he's trying to take the money from me that I get from him, but God is in the miss. So I am saying to you, don't stay and be unhappy.
Wow you nailed it.
by: Sienna

I felt as if you were speaking on my behalf about my husband and me. It was almost to the word the situation I am also in, for 22 years now. I feel your pain and would like to tell you you’re a devoted wife and deserve to be free of this self-absorbed man, as I do as well. I hope you get the courage to walk away and know it will get better. I tell myself this every day in hopes I will take my own advice. Although I may end up alone possibly and homeless, at least I will be free of the hurt I carry with me every day. It is so scary for the simple fact we don't even know who we are, or how to live. We have been living their life, what they need, and what they want. It's pretty scary to learn how to be our own person and take care of ourselves, not someone else. I hope you find happiness and peace. God bless you.
Details
by: Shari

I'm sorry for the pain you've put yourself through and the red flags you missed or refused to see along the way. We all did it.

Please don't get bogged down in the details of his cheating. You won't ever know it all and at what point will knowing it all ever be enough for you to make a change, trust him, be happy?

Don't buy into...I just don't have the strength to leave him. It's not strength. It's making a decision to leave and being disciplined and convicted to that decision. On the other side of life within this marriage...is peace of mind and happiness. All of us who have been disciplined and convicted to changing our lives and leaving these idiots are beyond happy. Life is wonderful when you only allow honesty into your life at all costs!
Secret Life & Denial
by: Naomi

I’m thankful to read everyone’s similar stories on here. I wish I had the strength to divorce my husband right now. We have been married thirty years and I’m in total shock to have just found out that he’s been seeing escorts & going to massage parlors for over 10 years now. Also found out that he has a p*rn addiction. I only found this all out last summer because while we were on vacation with me & his kids, he was texting his 25 year old coworker & telling her that he saved her a seat at the pool for her. Mind you, my husband is 52!

So because of these text messages I started looking at the history on his phone & on all the electronic devices & just kept finding more & more shocking evidence of many secret hobbies. He has joined a 12 step program to work on himself & he constantly says he loves me but the trust is totally gone. As with a lot of women on here… it’s the same story. We met when we were 19, have kids, and I’m a stay at home mom haven’t worked in years.

I’m so confused and suffering from PTSD. Same story as everyone says he won’t tell me anything & acts like nothing is wrong in our marriage. He says he’s so happy now while every day I cry in secret & can’t decide if I should divorce or stick it out. It has been about 8 months since the discovery & it only gets worse because I just keep thinking what else could he have done that I haven’t found out about yet?!! I hope someday I can find the strength to leave him like so many have some on this thread. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories & it gives me hope that there’s light at the end of this painful journey.
Research
by: Shari

I respectfully disagree. It depends on the state you live in as to whether the cost of hiring a PI is a wise choice. You really need to do your research and discuss this with an attorney before shelling out the cost of a PI.

I agree with squirreling away money so you can go forward in leaving the idiot. Make a plan and be silent about it. Position yourself.
Once you feel like your spouse is cheating
by: MiShelle

Get a private detective! Get a private detective! Did I mention, get a private detective?

It’s the best money you’ll ever spend. Their job is to find irrefutable evidence that you can take to court in the event of a divorce. You’ll have pictures, times, dates, locations, and who they’re with, texts, phone records, and possibly emails. These guys do this every day; they’re pros. You could spend a lot of time chasing your tail trying to catch them. These folks can do it in a matter of days.

Even if you catch them and want to reconcile, rent a safety deposit box of your own (never a bad idea) and keep what they gave you in there. Chances are, you’ll need it later, I’m sad to say. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

You can’t go wrong with a detective. Tell them what you need to know, and ask their opinion on what else you should try to get. There are even agencies who specialize in cheating spouses. You’ll get definitive answers, and proof to back it, in case you have to lawyer up and go to divorce court. It definitely increases the chance of you walking out with a nice settlement.
Don't hurt alone
by: Lindsay

I am so deeply sorry. The pain you are going through is real; just reading your story, moved me. That is a pain in its own category and when I felt what you wrote. I've gone through and am going through something similar as well, except for I've had the experience of a couple of best friends lovers, stabbed you in the back and left you with nothing. But nothing felt better than hoping they'd come back. You have to get up on your feet, find an out and start dong for you. You are stronger than you think you are, even if you don’t think you are, I know you are. I've been through all the same and it hurts and is not easy.
Take care-
LINDSAY
Venting
by: sister in pain

To all you beautiful strong women, I feel your pain and all the recurring themes. Why are we putting up with this? After 28 years, ups and downs, caring for him through his cancer, I stumbled across the truth. Thought it was just the one woman sending inappropriate messages. Discovered presents whilst on holiday hidden in his suitcase. I was not staying on in his homeland, thought he needed time to be with his friends after his ordeal. Knew something was wrong. Came home and translated yet more messages and then realized there was another woman friend. He had confessed to planning an affair but let me assume it was just the one.

Now I have found out by snooping that he has had these flirtations going back at least 15 years and probably longer. What a fool. I don’t know what the truth is. He asks when I am going to get over it and draw the line. So much shouting and screaming. Every time I try to express my feelings or ask a question he either gets mad, says do I want him to go or takes himself off to bed and makes me feel bad for causing him physical pain. I just want him to understand how devastated I am and how I need to know the truth. If it was the other way round I know I would feel pain if he was suffering like this.

How can I have been living with this stranger for so long? We have a son of 24. I feel like all my memories are lies. Some days I feel ok, then the next my rage and fury take over. It is over 18 months ago that he 'confessed' when I caught on to what he was doing. I feel fake going about my business with a smile on my face, when inside I am dying.

Too much to say. We tried a counselor but he didn't like being confronted. Said I was after his blood. I just wanted him to tell the truth. So many lies. How do you ever forgive that? This is pure hell. I know that I am not responsible for his choices but it feels like it. So good to know that others share this pain. That sounds wrong but I hope you understand. Much love to you all. XXX
Man child
by: Kim

That’s a selfish narcissistic man! Leave if you can and do it quickly . Don’t feed his ego one more second .
Years and years
by: Stuck

I’ve been with him 17 years and married almost 9. He has a child that came out of his running around on me! I forgave him and stayed with him. He is 43 and recently cheated with a prostitute that is 23 years old who dates my son’s bf. He continues to see her at hotels, and then comes home and acts like nothing happened. I found videos of him recording himself with multiple women, one which is a mutual friend of his and mine who is older! I don’t know how I stay with him, but I do! I can’t trust him and want out! He took that prostitute to a work trip and spoiled her and what not. He is physically abusive and verbally! I have 3 kids from a prior marriage, and our 2 together! He cheats daily and stays in hotels all the time!! Financially I can’t manage!
Need urgent help on something
by: Vanessa

I've been with my kid’s father going on 12 years and I feel like it’s been 50 or 60. We started to rekindle our relationship once again when we found out I was prego with our now 3rd baby. I’ve had 5 miscarriages within the last 2 years; also now last Friday. Well last Friday we were going to leave to go on a family trip that I have been planning for over a month. Everything was fine that morning. I started calling around 8 and said the cameras were messing up and that I need you to turn them back on. But I had not messed with anything ever since he has been accusing me of cheating and using every excuse in the book to call me names and tell me to move out. And he has been mentally and emotionally abusing me every day, all day long.

Also, I want to remind you that I have been packing the whole week that we were supposed to be leaving for the beach trip. As well as not getting to bed before 4:30 that morning from packing and waking up at 8:30 that morning to finish packing. And he came in looking like a paranoid schizophrenic person and started screaming like never before and accusing me of cheating on him. (Remind you, with his ex-wife, he came home and found her in the bed with another man when he was married to her) But he is always accuse me of cheating and I have never cheated on him.

He's always accused me of sleeping with all his family members, which I have never did. And for the past 12 years, all three times that I've conceived and gave birth to his children (well as of right now I'm 6 months pregnant with the third baby) his family continually tells him these are not his children and that I cheated on him (which I have never done). Yet he always makes up an excuse to start an argument and cuss me out. He downgrades me in front of my children and in front of other people in public to the point where I can't even eat cuz I get so upset. What should I do? Please give me an opinion.
I understand you
by: Rebecca

I am in the same boat! I have been married for almost 30 years. I was a virgin also. He has had multiple affairs and a couple long term affairs. He responds the same way and is also content sweeping everything under the rug. He too will retire soon and I’m sure that’s when he will want a divorce because it will cost him less. He has also spoke about changing everything to his name, stating that it’s to protect these things from debts that I have only because of giving into him and his wants. I have children but no one to talk to about any of it.

My bitterness has grown so bad that I say the most embarrassing and inappropriate comments in front of anyone. I am so tired of people thinking he’s so nice and funny and great when he has done such horrible things for 90% of our marriage. My adult children forgive him so easily, but are so critical when it comes to me and won’t forgive my smart aleck comments. It has got to the point where I have little to no relationship with one of my kids.

I feel like a punching bag where my feelings don’t matter, my life doesn’t matter, I don’t matter. Everyone just wants me to suck it up, keep my mouth shut and drop everything for them and just be at their beck and call. I am so sorry for what you’re going through, this depression, loneliness and anxiety is overwhelming. I hope you have someone to speak to. This isn’t something to handle alone.
The exact same scenario
by: Nicola

I have only just come across this and for the first time in a long time, I was able to catch my breath as I felt I was reading my own story. No we have not been together or married as long as you have, but I still think 14 years is a lifetime when I look back. The way you described your ex-partner (I hope) is the same as mine but my situation is very fresh and I am struggling, big time. I can’t breathe, sleep eat and overflowing in guilt, trying to put on the fakest smile for my son as I feel I'm not reaching the high standards of mom role that I always have. If it's not a problem I would love to be able to email u for advice as I’m really struggling to keep my head up. nicoladennehy1 (at) gmail.com
1 choice
by: Shari

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You have only 1 choice, considering he's not remorseful and isn't helping you with the kids and a new baby. He cares about himself and you can't change that.

It will be hard for you but sit tight. Form a plan and start an exit fund. It make take you a year but do it. Be disciplined, have integrity, and be courageous. There is a way out for you and YOUR children YOU care about.

Start building the valuable life you want and stick with it. Don't plan a future with this person. Go forward on your own.

All my love to you and your kids.💖
My husband had and might have a baby with his mistress
by: Bretni

My husband and I have been married 11 years. When I was 38 weeks pregnant 5 weeks ago, I found out he had an affair while working in another state. This woman claims that she has a child of his. This child is 1 year old. This affair happen 2 years ago. I had to hold it together because I was pregnant and I have 4 other little kids that couldn’t see me broken.

Reality is that this News was so big for me, I couldn’t process it... I wanted to scream and cry but I just couldn’t. I never would have thought of my husband having sex with another woman, I was so naive to think the he was mine and I was his.

I feel like a bond has been broken, the thought of him touching me again makes me sick. I can’t even look at him without imaging her on him. We have been together since I was 21 and him 23. I married him twice, civil wedding and then church wedding, I thought I did it right.

I am not sure what to do. I just had a baby (she is 3 weeks old), and I am an emotional mess now! How do I walk away? I have 5 kids all under the age of 6.

His mistress was an employee of ours. We had a roofing company at the time, and we were working in Florida and in Charleston and Arkansas. He travel a lot. This woman was in charge of quality control. I knew of her but never met her, and the first time I arrived to Florida the first person my husband wanted me to meet was her. All he wanted to was for us to hang out. He has no respect for me, he wanted his mistress and wife together.

He seems relieved that I finally know because this woman was blackmailing him. He gave her so much money so she wouldn’t tell me about the baby and affair. I still don’t know if that his kid.

I am not in a good place, I am postpartum and I am not dealing with this right. We work together in our own business, and I don’t know how to walk away. I am not financially independent right now. We are also listing our house in 4 days to sell because we financially are not doing well. It’s either sell the house or lose our Business.

I kicked him out of the house but he begged me to let him stay. Now he goes as he pleases and won’t call to say when his coming home. Goes to eat late at night with employees, when he knows I need help with kids and newborn. If I ask him questions about why he’s calling certain people, he gets upset and offended.

He is just not remorseful or honest. I know I have to leave him but I just can’t right now. He has hurt me so deep that forgiving this is unlikely.
Battling the same nightmare
by: Melody

I can’t believe just how much of all this is exactly what I am going thru and feeling. I am so sick of it. I have 5 boys (children) is my difference. If I didn't have any babies I would have been gone by now faster than he could blink. Anyways I wish so badly I could talk to you. Be able to support one another and hear each other. It sure would be nice to talk with someone who’s going thru the same thing I am and that actually cares what I am saying. Know that you are worth so much more and I never met you but I have so much love, care and respect for you and what you have gone thru and shared. God bless and never hang your head.
I am learning about gas lighting and emotionally abusive behavior
by: Nicole

I agree with several posts I've read on this subject... Hey at least you didn't love this person for all! PAST eight years, put up with on and off fighting and arguing for a while...

Then he almost brutally murders me on three different occasions, thankfully not being successful at this endeavor. Sad thing is, he continues to cheat around on me, after I about get murdered and beat to death on the side of a highway three years ago. What does he do to prove that he loves me? He intentionally goes out and f***s everything I think that has a heartbeat and is a living organism in the regional area in the United States of America.

Why would he do me this way, knowing he should at least mutually care about me as a human being????

I know I need psychiatric help at times, and I’ll guarantee you that he also needs some professional psychiatric help before I end up legit murdering him and putting him Six feet under. He thinks I'm playing... When I've had enough of people intentionally causing me undue problems, I start getting beyond irate.
I'm in the almost same boat...
by: Hailey

My story reads almost like yours except I met him later in life when I was 39 already and had my kids. It’s now 6 years later. I fell so hard for him and he changed so drastically. But I feel like I'm chained now. It was easier when I was younger to get up and move on. It’s what’s running through my mind and I’m just so scared. It’s not physically what he does, only mental. Plus my son is only 9 and lost his biological father only 1/2 years ago to suicide. But other than that, lol our stories are the same.
You're not alone
by: BLC

I'm really glad you're sharing your story. Some of the things you're going through are particular to your situation and other feelings ......lost, your adult life was a waste and scared of your of the future. Keep sharing please. I know it's helping other women. It will get better.
To the other woman
by: Midge

I know the main fault of an affair is the married man.

However, I would just like to say to all the women who cheat with married men… I hope you will meet Queen Karma one day.

You too are responsible for providing these male jerks an opportunity to cause pain to other women and their children.

Good luck, one day you surely will pay for what you have done.
I was an idiot for staying with him for so long…
by: Shari

I have been through exactly what you've stated, for 40 years. The details change a bit, but that is all. You don't respect yourself and you need to stop blaming the idiot you live with. He treats you like he does because you allow it. He doesn't love you because men like this don't love...they use.

The question is, when will you start loving yourself? You can start any day. Today, tomorrow, in a year. Is it worth it to you to reclaim your life after giving it away?

Do it... please just do it. You'll find out how valuable you are when you love yourself.

I left the idiot I lived with. Then I found out I was the idiot...that stayed with him.

Love you!
Shari
I was neglected throughout our marriage and then I caught him cheating
by: Tasha

I know exactly how you feel, my father cheated on my mother throughout their marriage (which was really hard on my sister and I). When I was born my dad shipped me off to my grandparents’ house to live for seven years. So I never got to bond with my sister growing up. When I moved home, my father would put me down on a daily basis. He would call me stupid, you’re good for nothing and you'll never amount to anything. Those were some of the kinder things he'd say.

Then I met the man who was the father of my first daughter. We were together for two years and he just couldn't help himself not to lie and cheat. I left him when I was pregnant and he said he would make my life hell if I had the baby. Well that's exactly what he did for 21 years of her life.

Now that you understand my history on why I don't trust anyone and I'm very against cheating. We will get to the point of this lie I have been living for 20 years of being married and 5 years of trying to trust my husband. I met my husband when my oldest was a year and few months old. He seemed nice but I was very unsure about him. We started dating and I slowly started to trust him. I thought wow, I finally found the perfect man and if I knew now back then what I know now, I would have told him to hit the road and don't let the door hit you on the way out.

We got married and in the first year of our marriage I was pregnant with my second daughter. I didn't notice the changes in him because I was so busy with both girls and I had went back to work after my maternity leave. We both worked shift work but I was the one who ran the household, took care of the kids, made sure all bills were paid and large items I would save money and pay them off right away. And I also worked full time. If he wanted big boy toys, I always made sure we had the money and never said no to him. But it was not that way when I wanted something, so I accepted it. I never went on weekend shopping sprees with the girls at work. Or ever spent any extra money on myself, it always went to the kids or him.

Once a year I would finally get the nerve to ask him why he doesn't give any affection sexually or otherwise. He would get extremely upset so I would let it go for another year. This went on for years and I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. My self-esteem and self-worth was slowly disappearing. After 20 years I was diagnosed with a rare condition and I'm not able to do the job I worked so hard at and love. I went back to school and graduated in a different area of what I was doing before but less physically demanding. This is the time I noticed everything, he was rude to me, always on his phone and leaving for long periods of time. He would never come around me or hug me and if I was really lucky I got a peck the lips at the front door.

Then my worst nightmare happened, not only did her husband catch them but I caught him twice cheating on me with a married coworker. Throughout our marriage he promised me he would never do such a cruel thing to me and I told him, "I can handle a lot but to cheat on me would completely break me" and it did. It's been two years since it happened and he still lies about everything, saying it was a fantasy, he didn't touch her, and then he said they only kissed. We went to see a marriage counselor and he told him the same lies. Funny thing is I'm a very smart woman and I downloaded his text, pictures and all deleted text and pics. But the idiot still denies everything even when it's right in front of his face.

So it's been two years and he still hasn't touched me in any way. In the time he was with her he told her she was sexy, gorgeous, and beautiful and he can’t get enough of her and not once has he even uttered those words to me. I am now 50 years old and I'm always complemented on how beautiful I am and that most people mistake me for being 30 years old. The sad part is when I look in the mirror I don't see what others see because throughout my life I have been put down and the one person that should have been making me feel beautiful never did. I've told him I'm leaving and he tells me he's going to change but he doesn't. I told him he's worried about losing his toys and his coworkers finding out his dirty little secret. It's funny because he would put down everyone who cheated on their spouse and he's the biggest cheater of them all! That's why I never thought in my wildest dreams he would do that to me. He so fixated on his body image and what people or coworkers think of him, when it should be what our daughter's and I think of him but it's not. Then last summer I asked him where he wanted to go in in our relationship. He said he wanted a happy life and a happy marriage and he doesn't want me to leave. He also said that he knows he's a narcissist, selfish and a pathological liar.

He has bought himself a brand new truck every ten years besides his antique muscle cars and special edition Harley Davidson motorcycle. We've built a house which he chose too and everything is immaculate. He bought me a used SUV 17 years ago and it finally died two weeks ago so now I have nothing to drive. Funny thing is he just bought himself a brand new truck this summer when it should have been me getting a new vehicle. But he put himself first yet again in our marriage. I've tried so hard to make our marriage work and it's always been one-sided. I know I should leave him and both my girls tell me I deserve happiness and love. They are both adults so they understand what's going on. Especially when all through their lives he would tell them to never lie and always tell the truth because a lie will get you in deeper trouble. He should have listened to his own advice.

One of my daughters is married with her own child and the other has been with her boyfriend for 5 years. They all have zero respect for my husband but I'm scared to open up to someone because of everything that has happened to me throughout my life. I actually don't know who I am anymore because I've been rejected for so long in so many ways, that I have nothing left to give anyone and I don't know what to do.
Affair reply
by: Cheryl

Please do not take any more abuse and lying from your husband. I left my husband due to his cheating and he showed no remorse and was proud of the fact he was cheating. I am also nearing retirement and I left with only a few hundred pounds to my name. It was the best decision I have ever made. I feel so much freer and happier. Take care and remember you can leave if you want to.
Call it for what it really is, ladies.
by: Valerie

As I'm sitting here reading all these heart-wrenching posts, which I can relate to, I have to state the obvious for all of us. These men are narcissists and what they're engaged in is manipulation and gas-lighting.

This is not a holier-than-thou post. I completely understand, because my husband is a repeat online cheater who hasn't shown remorse. He engages or has engaged in the same patterns of denial and blame. But, that was in the past.

Since learning what he really is and that there is a name for this behavior, I've educated myself with how to deal with him. There are a plethora of videos on how to keep from falling victim to these abusive patterns. I gave my husband an ultimatum and a promise. We will put these indiscretions in the past but, if I catch him again, I'm gone. Meanwhile, anytime he attempts to manipulate, gas-light or deflect truth, I employ some of these recommendations in the videos. Some of my favorite Youtube therapists include Valorie Burton, Dr. Tracey Marks, and Lisa A. Romano. Be blessed, Ladies. xo
I am so sorry
by: Portia

I am so sorry this happened to you. My husband did this to me with my sister and after 12 years told the truth and now expects me to put it behind us and move on. It’s not going to happen. I can't work it out. Your letter broke my heart because you seem like such a lovely person. I pray you find some peace in your life and maybe get rid of him and find someone who will love and appreciate you.
In love with a selfish man
by: Pathetic

So many stories but such a similar pattern. Going through separation but its killing me inside that there is no remorse. I still cry at nights, thinking "why this is happening". He says he is sorry but keeps on hurting me. Our 13yrs doesn’t mean a thing to him.

I found about the affair in Jan and it has been hell since then. Every 2 to 3 weeks he came back saying he wants to try but gave up in a week - shutting me out, not talking properly or staying irritated most of the time. All of this while still in contact with the other woman behind my back. There were days when he was gone for most of the day without any accountability. If I asked him where he was or why didn’t he pick up, he would get irritated. I asked him to call me if he went out. He did it twice in 6 months and that too in a way as if it was a favor.

We are separating and he is fighting for every penny. The day he got caught he wanted to give me everything so that I didn’t leave. But now he is giving me 2 weeks to move out. He is keeping the car, the house and I have to start from scratch. I don’t want money, but it hurts that he would cheat financially too. It hurts so much. I feel like a fool for believing him. I protected him from being humiliated, protected his reputation from friends and family. And he doesn’t care where and how I live. The worst part is, I can’t seem to stop my feelings for him and he now knows that.

How can someone be so cruel or heartless? I started having anxiety attacks due to the stress… I read it takes 18 months to move on. How to I carry this pain for 18months… I am never at peace even for a single moment. We are separating, but I still can’t believe that he would do this and not feel any guilt. My emotions are all over the place. It takes a second for me to burst into tears... I hate talking about this to anyone although my family is super helpful. I just don’t like it when they say bad things about him. I feel exhausted and for a weird reason, sleepy all day... Sorry about the rant or if it doesn’t make sense. I just needed to get it out.
Happiness is the goal
by: Shari

Good morning Joy!

I'm sorry you're going through this, but I'm so incredibly happy you're ending this right now. It now his problem...it's not your problem. He won't do this to you again because you won't allow it.

Life is wonderful the further away you get from a cheating husband, even if you're destroyed financially.

Don't buy into his BS and keep heading forward...always forward!

Hugs n kisses...Shari
Liar & Cheater
by: Joy

I read all the posts & I have the same problem. My husband has been having an online affair for one year now. I’ve been married for 44 years & this is the 1st year I didn’t get anything for Valentine’s Day, my birthday or our anniversary. Gee, wonder who got my presents this year. We have had a few blow ups this year & he always denies everything. He said I was old, had bags under my eyes (I have allergies), and he said a couple of weeks ago he didn’t feel comfortable around me. He said it’s my fault I didn’t work & help out with bills. He’s the one who wanted me to quit my job & stay home and raise the kids. He said he could afford to pay everything without me working. He ignores me & walks off on me when I’m talking to him. I married him @ 19 years old. I have never cheated in any way & he’s done this 2 other times years ago. I suspect he’s been cheating inside the house & out throughout our marriage. I’m done, cutting ties, parting ways & divorcing him ASAP
To the Original Poster and all Others
by: Finally Free

Hello to All,

I read several of your stories in amazement. Many of you told my story!

I met my ex-husband while I was still in high-school at 16. We began to date when I was 18. We were together for around 15 years and eventually were married for around another 15 years. He cheated when we were dating and I almost did not take him back but... I really loved him and this was my mistake.

Over the years my ex-husband became alcoholic and abusive. He was always manipulative. But, I am a very strong woman and felt that I could handle that. I would simply call him on that behavior (we even joked about it) and he would stop.

The emotional/psychological abuse began very gradually. Sadly, I did not even realize that I was being abused in this way until the abuse was blatant and daily.

It took me a long time to leave. By this time I had been isolated from my family and friends. I was laid-off from work and could not find a job doing what I used to do. I was helping with my husband's business. (This was more like forced labor as I was terrible at what he was having me help with).

He was having emotional affairs on Facebook and with 1 woman it went to texting. He may have visited her in person as well. This was my last straw.

Seven years ago I left my husband with little belongings or money. I arranged to stay with a friend for a couple of weeks. I had to go back for one night. No one knew of what I was going through and I had no idea of what I was going to do. Luckily my mom had recently been in contact and she figured it out. I was able to stay with family.

I was still vested in my marriage at this time and ignorant of the abuse. I spoke to my husband. I suggested that we separate, work on ourselves and then come back together and work on our marriage. He agreed.

Exactly one month after I left him, he ran into someone that he had a crush on in high school, at a high school reunion and began an affair with her. Yet, he denied that fact to me. He even had me come over to watch the house while he was out of town "visiting her", saying that it would probably be nice for me to come home and see my dogs. I immediately filed for divorce right under his nose. This was the perfect opportunity for me to gather the paperwork... I took my dogs with me to where I was living as well.

It has taken me a long time to rebuild my life. It took me way too long to get a divorce because my ex-husband played games during the entire divorce. He is still drinking and has been to detox a few times. From what I understand he refuses to go to treatment. I broke all ties with him in 3 years ago and he is not able to contact me as he is still abusive. I have been financially abused and devastated, my credit was ruined and I had to file bankruptcy. He was court order to pay spousal maintenance, which he did sometimes at first. I was court ordered to get a job, which I did. However, at first all I could find was a low-wage production position. My ex paid the support late, so many of my bills were late. Then suddenly he stopped paying the support all-together. I lost my housing.

I have moved 6 times in 7 years. I have down-sized 3 times. I am now a full-time college student. I will graduate next year and look forward to a career in healthcare.

I have had angels in my life, both family and friends have helped me. I did not qualify for many government programs because either I made too much money (at $12.00 to $15.00 per hour) or the main reason was because I am childless. I finally received a college grant.

I was criticized so badly by my ex-husband about EVERYTHING, that I had ZERO self-worth by the time that I left him. He did give me a gift though. Do you know what that was? I didn't realize what it was until I went to the doctor to figure out why I was so jumpy, anxious, had nightmares and trembled so much. He gave me PTSD. I finally received help for that as well.

I want you all to know that you can do anything, you are all worth it! I want you all to know how strong you all are. We have all gone through hell, or are going through hell. People who have not lived it, do not understand. Bless you all. I wish you all the best. - "Finally Free" -
Make a plan...
by: Shari

I'm sorry you're going through this sweetie. It's a common thread that runs through our society as well as lying. It has all become acceptable. I hope you take the time to sit down and write out a plan for yourself before going forward and before confronting him. You owe your child that and your child is the most valuable thing in your life.

The constant deception by your husband means he has no guilt or remorse. He's found it easy to play you. He's not a good man and will never be. He's lost, confused or just rotten and do any of these make you want to stay with him?

Pick up your heart and find your way out of this. You will hurt and it will be hard, but not as hard as staying with him. If he had remorse it would be an open door to work on the marriage. There is no open door so don't bang your head on the door trying to open it. It weakens you and your child can't wait for you to find your strength.

Lies gut all we hold true and the fog and haze blow in,
Til the memories fade and the special decays and nothing else remains.
You can't fix it, you can't paint it, you can't pray it into view...
now nothing else remains but the lies left by you.

Leave him, and my prayers are with you. 💜
My heart is broken
by: SCARED

My husband and I have one child who is 2 years old. Earlier in the year he expressed his unhappiness in the marriage and even suggested going our separate ways. He stopped talking to me, coming home late and zero intimacy. We tried counseling, but due to Covid-19 we stopped.

I later discovered he was having an affair and it broke my heart. He promised to stop talking to the other woman and we decided to try work on our marriage.

It has not been easy, as I think since he found out I am desperate to keep my marriage he doesn't seem to care. I am left alone trying to mend things, yet I am the one who is hurting.

After 2 months of trying, I found a conversation between him and the same woman telling her he would never leave her. My heart is broken. I am scared of confronting him, what if he chooses her over me, what if he tells me he wants to be with her and not me. I don’t know what to do and how to do it. I am scared, hurt, confused. I found this message a day ago and I have still not confronted him about it.
Cheating spouse
by: Feeling Lost

January of this year, I found out my husband cheated on me with someone on his job. They had a 2 year relationship. We have been married for 23 years and have 2 adult children. In the midst of this my Mom past away 3 months ago, so my emotions are all over the place.
Wasted years
by: Terri

I also have been cheated on for many years throughout my marriage. He's even cheated with a friend of mine in my house. I have been married for about 24 years and he has only been faithful a year out of that. I devoted my life to him and have taken him back time after time, but seems to have just got worse over the years. I blame myself for everything and it hurts like crazy.
He cheated and got someone pregnant
by: Aimee

I’m 36 years old and we were together for 4 years. I got diagnosed with cancer, with him promising he would stay by my side. 3 months into my treatment he cheated on me and got someone else pregnant. Mind you, the cancer is how I found out I couldn’t have kids.... it broke my heart. I stayed single for 3 years.

I’ve never been so betrayed in my life. With no emotions he said "I don’t love you no more and you need to find somewhere else to live". Then he came back after leaving me for two weeks and wanted me back. I packed a U-Haul and said I’m going back to Florida with my family, good riddance and I hope you get what you deserve and that’s "karma"… Now I met a man that worships the ground I walk on and would do anything for me. So I know God answered my prayers because that’s all I ever wanted.
A woman who cares
by: Tami

I read your story and I can relate in some ways. But I won’t say I can fully relate because I never experienced saving myself for marriage, just to being married to a man for a long time, only to be betrayed. I was so stirred up with emotion when I read your story it made me feel a sense of compassion and a need to respond. I wanted to save myself for marriage, but he said we were going to wait to get married. I never got the wedding! We had kids, he had affairs, and I stayed till I couldn’t take it no more. This was followed by another bad relationship with the same type of guy. Then when I did finally get a wedding, it was not special. We fought up till it was time to get married (it was at a court house) and he had an affair just 2 weeks later.

So me saying that this was just bad choices on my part, and so reading your story humbled me. He was your first, you married him, and you have stayed by his side trying to save your marriage. You are strong. It may be hard because he’s all you’ve known of being with a man. But I guarantee when you start getting ready and get out and distance yourself by finding ways to try new things, meeting new people (even if its online) or volunteering, getting out for you, he will see what he’s losing and realize he doesn’t want to let his marriage go. Maybe he needs to see that you are someone he is capable of losing if he cannot cherish you. Sincerely Tami
You deserve more
by: JH

Never forget your actual worth.

Having nothing financially is worth having your pride.

You are stronger than you know.
Thinks he deserves it
by: Mary Ann

I have been married for 45 years (since age 18). There were times I was suspicious about his infidelity but it was the 70’s and just didn’t make it a big deal. We had three children and he had successful business, plus we had lots of fun vacations and friends. As his drinking got worse I became unhappy and went back to school to get my RN license so I could leave.

Thankfully I have a career that I love but I ended up staying married. My husband went to rehab several times, but the longest he was sober was 11/2 years. We faced trials and troubles in our family and stuck it out together. Finally a year ago we found out he has cirrhosis of the liver. I did all I possibly could to help him with this and his other various medical problems including diabetes. Three months ago he went to rehab, but a week before he went I discovered he had been seeing another woman. His last night out with him she got $2000.00 out of his bank account.

I realize he’s been cheating all along and he refuses to show any remorse. I see clearly I’m married to a sociopath with very little capacity to care for me or others. I feel stuck though because of his poor health. Seems likely he won’t last more than a couple years and he doesn’t want to leave. So many times in the past when he lied to me and was sneaking around I suggested he’d be happier single, but he never wanted a divorce and now I’m stuck. Praying for God to give me strength and to forgive even a husband that believes he’s done no wrong.
Narcissistic a _ _ holes
by: Cassie L.

This sounds so like my situation except it's only been 7 years and I divorced him because of the constant lying about the stuff he was doing. It's sad… they hold you hostage by your love and being a good person. I regretfully got back with mine.

He took the choice away from me to decide whether to get back with him or stay apart by lying about talking to his ex and starting a whole other relationship in a different state. By the way, he still lies about talking to his ex. I would not have gotten back with him had I known.

He is not remorseful and has zero sympathy or empathy for what I am going through. And he had the nerve to say it was my problem, like your guy said. It's cowardly and pathetic and I have no respect for him at all. He only talks about God when he thinks it'll get him out of a crack or I'll see him as a good Christian man.

I typed in how he was acting one day and narcissism kept popping up... I hate dealing and being around someone like this. It's time consuming, plus energy and time wasted. I have quit going to church, reading my bible, I lost my job, not to mention other downing happenings since we "got back together". I am completely done this time. I can empathize with your situation and am so sorry this has happened. MM is right, you are never alone. Jesus sticks closer than a brother. The love that Our Father has for us is indescribable and He will heal your hurts.
To those feeling all alone
by: MM

You are never alone if you believe in Jesus. Sometimes we learn lessons from the experiences in life. The hard lesson learned here is that not everyone put here is as kind as you are. Remember that and don't let people like that lose to your heart.
Still feel betrayed
by: Anonymous

I did not know my ex-husband was on Facebook for years, contacting old girlfriends or having emotional and sexual affairs. I was clueless for 37 years, which makes me a total idiot. I did not like how he treated me in the marriage but still felt or (unrealistically dreamed) he could be trusted with fidelity and pursued the best interests of his family. I was so wrong about his self-centered personality. I still feel betrayed 5 years after the divorce.

He liked to show off how kind and caring he could be to others, but I knew it was for public adoration only. At home he ignored his wife and child. It caused great harm to our marriage but I was a homemaker with no place to go. I quit work to take care of my special needs child.

One time I discussed divorce and he said he would make sure I did not get a penny. Being a lawyer and CPA, I was scared he knew how to do that. I considered the divorce one sided since he had lots of cohorts in legal crime. His employer helped him divert salary to deferred income after the divorce. His siblings hid money for him. His father sheltered money for him. And the courts gave leniency to the "leader" of lies, con artistry and financial mayhem. My choices of lawyers were fair at best and caused me great anguish along with my ex. My different legal teams (switched twice) would have excuses for him if he didn’t follow subpoenas, send documents and spent lots of our joint cash on his girlfriend and her family. He gave so much money to charity during the divorce, he looked like a saint to all that knew him. His white collar devious activities went unnoticed in the courts and with my lawyers. The courts need to wake up and protect vulnerable women from narcissist men with powerful backgrounds.
So sorry
by: Brenda L

Hi there Friend,

I read your story and my heart goes out to you. I too have been betrayed by a man I gave my life to - 28 years of it, and we have two kids 14 and 11. He cheated on me when I was pregnant - never told me and our marriage died at that point. I am sure he had many affairs, but I just caught him this last time. I truly believe he is a monster.

My saving grace, is that even though I didn’t love this monster, I did truly love the mask that the monster wore. I, and you as well, have something that these monsters will never have - we have loved, truly and wholehearted loved. We will not look back in time and think geez I wish I had loved. Their lives have been empty. Try to remember that mask that you loved and get rid of the monster - it will always hide under the bed.
Hang on!! Trust in the lord with all your heart, not your own thinking
by: Grace

My prayers are with you! I can't get started typing because I am so upset with myself for wasting time and there’s no one left in my life, but I’m grateful for someone sharing that I'm not alone and to hang on. My situation is bit different and when I’m hurting, or others do not understand, sometimes advice can seem worse. Now you have rest of time to enjoy what the good Lord has better for you!!! Trust the Lord; he is with you through this. Someone else who will deserve you, and you’ll look back and thank God. Good riddance his loss and your gain for one deserving of you… For a better future. Thank you for sharing. I’ve been feeling so alone and hurting for too long.
I posted You are not alone
by: Shari

There is a gift in everything if we look for it. I took my idiot husband's best qualities, which I didn't have and learned them well. On this 43 year journey with the idiot, I am the winner. I became a better person and perhaps this is what it took for me. I love being done with the idiot and I love me and my life.

I'm so glad I'm not bitter and gathered good qualities along this journey. I will die with a smile on my face and loving friends and family in my heart.

He is old, angry and bitter. Gee, how unfortunate.

I am glad you're on your way to a more peaceful loving life! Good for you!
You are not alone!
by: Shari

Don't you dare do that to yourself. You are not alone, you have yourself. You have everything you need to go forward and leave this jerk. We are the ones at fault, not them. We allowed them to treat us this way and we are 100% responsible for wasting all our years with them.

Do your research, you get half his retirement. Make the decision you are willing to lose everything to get your life back. If you lose everything you still have yourself which is priceless.

Pick yourself up and get your life back. Start today. Do not wait. It can be a wonderful life for you without a man.

Big hug n kiss...take a deep breath and go for it!
Not so easy to break free as some suggest - ‘Stockholm syndrome'
by: Lora

It’s not that easy to just walk out ... there is the grief dynamic of shock, denial, anger, sadness, and so on and those stages each take time.... It’s a process

And we don’t discard people, we have relationships with people and it’s so much more than sex... Maybe not to everybody, especially if he is a narcissistic personality or actual narcissist. Normal people get attached and it’s very hard to go through.

I knew he was cheating, but was gas-lighted and couldn’t prove it. Well, I have my proof now and it has changed everything for me. It’s the lies and disrespect and all the facts other than him having sex because this woman is totally disgusting... It was very easy after putting a tracker on his phone to find where he had gone. And then my intuition told me to look on a hook up site in that area, and bingo, her address was even on the map on her site. I had caught them talking together and when I had kicked him out, he made out he didn’t know her and she did the same. But I knew then; the being driven crazy with my gut instincts, his lies and declaring his innocence and playing the victim, was torture and… He is dead to me. He was cruel and abusive. And needless to say, now He is dead to me. I will never acknowledge him ever again. Except in court if he tries to contact me.
Accountability for YOUR life
by: Jeanette

I’m curious as to why all of you are blaming your lives (or the shell of your lives) on other people. Most of you knew what was happening and decided to continue living like this. Out of fear of what? Losing your family? You would rather live in a dysfunctional house and subject your children to your & your husband’s misery? For the sake of them? If you can state everything this spouse is doing/has done, you can make a decision to get out of it. What are you teaching your children, your daughters? I’m the child of one of these "I didn’t want to break up my family" excuses. Take it from me and my therapist, you’re not doing your children any favors. What made you think you weren’t worth being treated better? Some of you are still in these relationships! You’re already feeling alone so how can "I don’t want to be alone" be an excuse? I hate my mom and dad so to you women who think you’re martyrs for your children; STOP IT RIGHT NOW. Your children will either pity you or hate you or both.
Leave now
by: Shari

I'm right in there with all of you. I spent 43 years with this idiot, kicked his b*tt out 3 times, divorced then remarried him to get him in a clinical trial to save his life. Done, done, done. Time to go and breathe in all that life has to offer even if I'm living on the street!! You younger women, get out ASAP. Do not stay and waste your good years on these idiots. You will regret loving them more than yourself in the end.

THEY DO NOT CHANGE. Leave and do not look back.
Stop Trying to Figure out Narcissistic Motivations
by: Barb

These men are narcs; there’s no ‘figuring out their behavior.’

There’s only ‘figuring out why you’re still with them, and why you fell for a narc in the first place.’

Covert or overt, there’s no motivation other than attention seeking.

My ex slept with pizza cashiers, men he met online, his sister in law, his coworkers. He even told people we were poly!!

As soon as I realized that the real thing I needed to focus on was understanding why I had such poor boundaries, the pain started dissipating.

Stop making excuses, stop seeking accountability, stop ‘explaining’ things to your narc. They know what they’re doing, and you’re just along for the ride.

Get yourself together, move on, and make better choices.
Never changes
by: Diana

I have written several times to this column on the ex-husband’s cheating and my painful divorce. Why do certain personalities like mine keep attracting cheaters? He was one of 3 long term relationships that have cheated on me. I keep thinking "what is wrong with me if this keeps happening". Am I a bad person? I consider myself loyal, fun, and hardworking, a caregiver who worried and waited on the ex and my son. I wanted to be treated as "the only partner", not one of many.

My college boyfriend cheated with my good friend and married her. My ex had many affairs and a p*rn habit that I was not aware of until I had to check his home computer for financial transactions. I completely trusted him for 33 years and never checked where he was going or what he said he was doing. He felt entitled to betray me. I finally found out he used our money to buy his girlfriend’s presents.

He told me we had to take loans out to pay bills but donated thousands of dollars to organizations to win their allegiance. He hid money. I will never know how much. Sadly my son followed the money since I was a homemaker. I met a man after the divorce and he too had little respect for me by massaging a so-called friend one foot away from me at a gathering and both thought it was funny. Am I the loser or why do I keep attracting them and include them in my life until they decide to humiliate me?
I feel for you all, as I know the feeling of heart break all too well
by: Corrine

I had to share my story too, briefly, as I ended up staying up all night reading all of your stories. I feel blessed to know I am not alone in this situation. Ladies, if you know Jesus (or if you don't), it's by his mercy and grace that I am able to go on every day and live life, even enjoy it, in the midst of extreme betrayal, lies, and deceit from the one person I gave my everything to - my other half, my husband...

He has cheated with I don't know how many women, has spent most of our money on prostitutes, strip clubs, drinking, and any other selfish desire, without thinking twice... He's a sex addict and a p*rn addict (yet we haven't had sex in months). He has a drinking and smoking problem, and behaves like a teenage boy. He puts himself first and everyone in his life is there for his convenience. He justifies his behavior and has the nerve to not want a divorce. All this stuff sounds disgusting and crazy to me. And how I've made it through standing and actually a better person for it, is because of God. He has led me every step of the way... And it was God who gave me the courage to get out of this toxic situation, and file for divorce ASAP.

I forgave my husband many times, but somehow he manages to screw me over again and again, so it’s hard not to get mad and just be truly forgiving. I pray for my Lord Jesus Christ to cleanse me of any resentment so that I can fully forgive my soon to be ex-husband, as the Lord has forgiven me all if my sins. We are called to forgive if we want to be forgiven for our sins. It doesn't mean we need to stay in toxic marriages, but we must forgive fully, for our sake. Seek the Lord ladies and gentlemen, he is the one who can give you the joy and peace that you deserve and desperately need. God bless you all!
Researching narcissism on you tube was my saving grace.
by: Gay

20 years and I wasted my whole youth on this idiot. Been away a few years but have teenagers together. I swear, I wonder if I will ever be normal and happy again. He ruined my whole world. So much anger. 😪 But research on the cause was very enlightening. I binged narcissism for 4 months. It helped at the time to realize I wasn’t crazy after all. Good luck!
No remorse for the constant disrespect and manipulation
by: Intuitivelyin2it

First of all, I'd like to thank all of you women who have courageously shared your experiences, inspiring and empowering others (myself included) to share and trust in knowing, we have a support system. Secondly, WOW! ALL of you Goddesses are bad*ss and amazingly strong! I've only chosen to endure his abuse, lies, infidelity, manipulation, and craziness for 10 years. I apparently am ridiculous for craving respect. Behind closed doors, I am the coolest thing since sliced bread, right? However the moment that literally the door is open or a window is cracked or any possibility of any outside source being able to know how we are interacting, it's like "J" immediately becomes a one-hour wonder. Depending on who is the audience is, determines the "harsh level" of his instant-need-for-approval insults, stories, and fake chatter. If there is a male who he looks up to or can use for ONLY his OWN PERSONAL GAIN that is mature and respectful, then he becomes the "perfect doting husband". If his audience happens to be a male that doesn't impress my husband or my husband is unable to benefit from ALLOWING said male into his life, then he will be annoyed and take his frustrations out on me, but silently.

NOW... WHEN A FEMALE (DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE IS A NEWBORN BABY OR A 100 YEARS OLD GRANNY, THE FACT THAT SHE IS A FEMALE, AUTOMATICALLY QUALIFIES HER TO TAKE PRECEDENCE OVER ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME!!!) is his audience, I instantly become either his mom, burden, joke, cousin, stalker, mentally ill wife (that he is just an absolute saint, for "putting up" with me) and every comment I make or action I take, I am degraded, mocked, abandoned, and PUNKED for REPEATEDLY! If I dare question him or remind him of my boundaries, he loudly and snobbishly smirks and lets me know along with every female present, I don't deserve respect. I am not even worthy enough to lick the dirt off his boots. If I comment in any way that can be interpreted as unfavorable in regards to any female present or not present, my husband will become SO ANGERED AND DEFENSIVE IN THEIR HONOR! AND IS IMMEDIATELY REPULSED AND EMBARRASSED TO PROTECT AND DEFEND ME!!
Same Here...
by: Ms. Tree

Everything you said fits my situation to a T except we have children. 42 years together and it's like I am nothing to him. He said it was practical to stay married. I said "what about love" and he just gets mad. AND he's still f--- this woman. Of course, he lies about it but I know he is. AND, he acts indignant that I want a divorce. He turns everything back on me. "Well, since you don't want me here" WTH? I wanted his love and honesty. I think he's lost his mind.
Same s**t different day
by: MeToo

Mine was the same as the first one on here. But my post is about the best friend that he cheated with and I forgave him, even though there was and is so many wide open holes in his stories. After that, I found he had been sexting 2 other women (who are known to be easy) and he’s calling me crazy! He says he has no remorse or guilt or compassion.

So how "Does he feel love" is what I asked him. I don’t think he’s even ever been in love before, including me. And how do I believe him when he tells me he’s not messing around? Especially when I know what was said on the emails, texts, and FB messages from the other women. My BBF’s husband did a screenshot of the messages and let me read them. Still, he won’t come clean.
Married for 17 years and have been together 22
by: Paula

I just found out 3 years ago my husband was having an emotional affair... so he says that was all it was... He had been working with her at one job for about two years, then followed him to another job where he worked for five years. And on the fourth year, I found out what was going on. I mistakenly clicked on the wrong text and saw something I didn’t like, which I questioned. After that, he started deleting texts and phone calls. Then I pulled phone records and asked about him talking to her and texting in which he denied, so I showed him the proof. I was devastated... several months later it continued.

He finally got a new job after a year but lied about saying anything to her when he left. Come to find out, he told her personally just how much he appreciated her friendship and God knows what. Then I find out she and her family are moving to the same town he has his new job in ... and he will have contact with her AGAIN. But he sees no problem with it at all... because he is done with it.

He sees how bad I hurt now, but he continues to get defensive every time he is questioned about anything. He shows no remorse or empathy... He is so nice over text, but it is a different story at home ... When questioned, then it’s all my fault. I won’t let it go... he says I like the feeling and I am addicted to it.

I really don’t know what to do... I found out during the last 3 years that he’d cheated on me while we dated. I had a feeling but had buried it. I did ask over and over, but I chose to trust. He has ogled over women right in front of me and denied it and I brushed that under the table... He has always (before now) treated me like a queen at home... I am so lost I have truly lost my best friend and never in a million years would I have ever thought this would be my life!
MY LIFE WRITTEN BY SOMEONE ELSE
by: Roxie

I could not have written this story better myself. It's a replica of my life right now! What is with men? Are they all sociopaths and psychopaths as a given? I need to heal myself, stop trying to UNDERSTAND because I will never get the answers I'm looking for and he has done enough to my self-esteem as it is. How is it we can find the capacity to forgive them but we have committed a SIN for breathing?
Husband felt no remorse
by: LeAnn

Thank you all for sharing. Your stories are all so heartbreaking. The thing I realize from your stories is that these men are selfish and don't change. I have been in love with my husband for 5 years. One day, he came home to ask for permission to date this lady whom he met 3 times. He said that he could open up to her. Then, he blamed it on me, saying that we were not a good match.

I was poor, jobless and homeless. He left me some money to stay afloat. He said that I should meet his girlfriend because she is the best person in the world. He moved in with her, her son and our daughter without telling me a word. I cried on the street that day. People passed by and gave me a tissue. 6 months later, he said that his girlfriend is toxic. She made him into a horrible person. He wanted to come back to me. He was stupid back then. This week, he got annoyed again and said that he was still curious about others. He asked me why I felt so wronged. Finally today, after that, I knew that he would not change. I would only get hurt again. He had no idea why he has to apologize. I am sorry for what you are going through. I am sorry for the cheaters and liars that you have to deal with. I cannot take it anymore. I cannot waste time anymore. I have made my decision.
Always bet on yourself
by: Cathy

Ladies, I am single and have never been married. It breaks my heart that so many of you have experienced years of psychological abuse from the person closest to you, or who committed to be the closest person to you at first. Stonewalling is abusive! Deception is abusive!! The abuses you all have described are traumatic and you can’t survive a healing process alone.

You need a strong support team that is on your side and all about YOU and YOUR emotional health!!! Therapists, pastors, counselors...reach out to them for help!!! Do not fight the battle with a narcissist - or any other abusive husband - alone. You are NOT alone. Don’t bet on your husband or your marriage. Bet on yourself and your ability to thrive because of your own internal strength, resilience, and grit. Get a team together that will help you see that!!!!
You're NOT alone sister!
by: Darla

Sis, I couldn’t have written it better than that! That’s my story to a tee, but mine is the Mac daddy of Narcissism. He has absolutely no concern for me, what he’s done to me, or my feelings because "he’s never done anything" and I’ve caused it all! I’m so sick of being pounded with "what I’ve done to him" and how "I lie" and he is convinced I have cheated & do drugs!! I too feel sad, hurt and all alone, wasted & disrespected that God gave us each other. I’m sick of being sick of this BS! I’m about ready to start looking on a Christian dating site! I get accused of cheating anyway..... Not to mention the yelling name calling & cussing at me!
Narcissism
by: A.N.

Look up narcissism. Sounds like you're dealing with one. See if you identify with the description then get ready to take care of yourself.
Feel so stupid for believing him!
by: Crystal

I’m so sorry that you all have gone through this and my prayers are with you! I’ve been married 12 years to my high school sweetheart and thought I’d never go through something like this ever!

About 2 years ago my step-dad was diagnosed with cancer and I had to help my mom with driving back and forth to his treatments every two weeks, because she too is not well! Well a year ago this past September he passed away and when the time was near, I asked my husband to come be with me because we were in another city over 200 miles away. He constantly had an excuse for not being able to go!

My step-dad passed away and a month later my mom became very sick and almost died twice! She was in for a long haul and I needed to stay with her, and he still made excuses for not going and staying with me during this time but promised me that he wasn’t doing anything wrong (because rumors had already been going around)! I STILL believed him and continued to be with my mom during her time of need.

Make a long story short, he had been seeing 3 different women and taking them back to OUR home to sleep with them and let them take from me (jewelry, clothes, etc.) while he was at work! The last one he was with actually moved into my house with him! When I finally found out what was going on, I came back to my house to find it trashed from where she had taken all that she wanted and they had taken furniture, dishes, and items that were of sentimental value! I went back to my Mom’s to continue taking care of her and started working on my divorce; and after 3 months he contacted me and wanted me back saying he was sorry and that he didn’t want to be without me!

Being that my mother was finally doing better, I was stupid enough to fall for it! My children don’t want anything to do with him because they are so angry (he’s not their biological father), and they don’t let me see my grandchildren which has been the hardest part for me since I would get to see them every day! Now after only 3 months of being together he has gone back to being mean, very hurtful, and I’m almost positive doing drugs! Tonight he went as far as hitting me, I feel like the biggest fool around, and don’t have anybody or anywhere to go!
Just leave!
by: Kay

Gosh, these stories are so heart breaking. I was married for 25 years. I fell in love with the man that I first had sex with when I was 18 years old. He was almost 25 years old. He had a son and had married at 17 years old, went into the service and he told me she wrote him a Dear John Letter and divorced him. I felt sorry for him. I married him when I was 24. I had a great job and so did he. He quit his job within 2 years and was having an affair with his ex-wife. I walked into my home on my lunch hour and his ex-wife was there. She walked naked from my bedroom to the bathroom. I left for a week to get my thoughts together.

While I was gone that week, I determined I was pregnant. I went back to him. I was a good girl, I felt no need to go through pregnancy alone when I was married. I raised his son on a daily basis and love him dearly to this day. When my son was 4 years old, he had another affair with a totally different woman and told me he was leaving. I said, Ok, but you are not taking our son, and you should just leave your son from you first marriage with me because he loves me and my family. He was like really? You would do that? Raise my son that is not your biological son? And I said yes, just go. He did not leave.

I stayed until my son was 19 and going into college. My husband decided he would try to talk me into the swinging lifestyle. You know, like wife swapping. Well guess what, I was so tired of his BS that I said OK. So here is what he did, he hooked me up with a guy and then told the world I cheated on him and took me for every dime I ever earned in a divorce settlement. He took my life savings and lied to my children and anyone else who would listen to his lies. There is so much more to this story. I am glad I left him. I hate him for what he did to me. Just leave a person that cheats, it will never get better.
Money Talks
by: Mighty Mary

I am divorced for 3 years now but still feel the sting of the ex-husband’s cheating and financial secrets. During the divorce he took me to court almost every week to reduce my maintenance because he was "broke". I am older with natural obstacles to finding a fulltime job. The courts allowed him to entertain and take vacations with his girlfriend and her family, a $4,000 a month apartment, $500 a month furniture rental, donate tens of thousands of dollars, have parties, reduce his income in a scheme to divert his salary until after the divorce, and pay new cash for my son's college tuition when we already saved for it in educational funds.

He still donates money to places I ONLY volunteer at, and they act more appreciative with him than me. He uses his large work and inherited assets to impress girlfriends, family and organizations. I have been pushed out of one organization because he encouraged his girlfriend to join the same women's group as me and they like his donations.

During the divorce, I was a victim one week and then refused further service the next week from an organization for abused women I sought help from. A week later I noticed a thank you letter on his desk for his large donation to them. People love his money. Greed takes over compassion and volunteer time. I still receive voicemail messages thanking him for his large donations to various charities.

During the divorce he refused to pay me for court ordered bills because he said he didn't have the money. I trusted him the whole 36 year marriage to invest our money and pay our bills. He bounced many of my checks by pulling all our money out of our joint checking during the divorce. He diverted cash to himself during the marriage to island accounts. I would never to be able to find them all. He gave many presents to girlfriends but told me we had to take loans out to pay monthly bills or remodel the home. I found out he used our joint checking account to pay back charities where he was treasurer in exchange for cash he collected at the events. That money probably went to gambling and island accounts. I believed in him but it was all lies and dishonesty throughout the whole marriage.
They’re always the same.
by: Joan

I may not have dealt with the pain as long as you all did, but my experience and heartbreak was all the same. My boyfriend and I of 2 years started out amazing, he was the kindest, most loving guy I could ever ask for until he met this one girl at a sports event. She had similar interests as him and they took off. At first they became extremely close to one another (which was a little suspicious because he would talk to her almost all day, every day and they’d hang out a lot too) but I soon found out that she was in love with him and he acted loving to her too. He invited her over to his place and they began to be intimate.

He hated being wrong and knowing he messed up, so instead of blaming himself he took it out on me. Told me I was the one who caused him to do this in the first place. I eventually forgave him, but that was because he kept telling me to "move on" and never mention it again. Things just got worse from there. He promised not to see her or do anything again but after looking through his phone one day I found out he was still seeing her. This broke my heart especially after he yelled at me. It’s been going on still and I'm too scared to break it off, so I sit here taking in the abuse. I suffer everyday knowing this is happening behind my back but I don’t do anything because of being physically and mentally abused to the point of fear.
The hurt is never worth it
by: carrie cody

When you look back on your relationship and feel more pain than joy it’s time to let go. They never stop. You eventually become numb and lose sight of what you are actually fighting for. Is a lie really worth it?
I Get It
by: Beverly C

I'm so sorry that happened to you, but you have to let go if you want any happiness. I’ve been in a long relationship, 14 years and your account of what you have been going through mirrors the way we are now. He used to be good to me and seemed to care about my feelings and needs. Now he turns a blind eye to my pain after he was caught cheating and he didn't own up to it, despite being caught by me. So I never got an apology or even any concern that he had broken my heart. I was totally faithful but about the last two years of our relationship and he strayed.

He has not looked back; he has no guilt and I even begged for an apology, but he says he did nothing to apologize for. I am accepting that as time passes that I'm not going to get any acknowledgement let alone an apology. I have to do what I can to move on and be healthy. I'm struggling while he does what he wants without a care. He is a person I don't know anymore and he even told me I saw what I wanted to see in him. The disrespect was so bad that I had to let go before I did something I would regret or have a breakdown.
He still won't admit it
by: Heather

Hi,
My husband left me when I was 6 months pregnant with our 4th child. He claimed that it was because we were incompatible, that he couldn't see a future with me anymore and that he hadn't loved me in years. We were together 15 and married 10.

I had a feeling there was someone else but he wouldn't admit that they were anything more than friends. She is a 25 year old who still lives with her parents and apparently is a "good person", even though she started dating him when we were still living together and she knew we were married and expecting. I have found love notes, pictures of the 2 of them, even receipts for weekends away and flowers and jewelry. He still won't acknowledge that he left me for her. Some days he makes me feel like I'm going crazy and all the items I have found are just a figment of my imagination. He's always been a good liar and manipulator.

The stupidest thing is that I still love him and would take him back. Other than my hurt, he is hurting his children. My kids are 8, 6, 20 months, and 6 months old. They cry for him occasionally. We try to call him so they can say goodnight and he won't answer his phone. My 2 older kids are acting out, as they don't understand why daddy has to work all the time now. He said he isn't ready to tell them that we are separated yet. I have begged him to sit down with me and talk to them but he won't.

Most days I feel like a complete failure as a wife, a mother and a human in general. I wish I had the strength to say that I know you left me for her, you're an ass and move on with my life. Some days are good and I don't think about him or what could have been once. Other days I find myself crying uncontrollably in the shower or tearing up while walking down the street. The worst is when I can feel the tears start and I'm on the bus with my youngest kids. I'm sure I will get to the other side eventually, I just wish it was a quicker process. My heart goes out to all the other women who have felt the sting of betrayal, no one deserves this kind of pain.
My ex also has no remorse
by: Angered Ex Wife

I'm so sorry this happened to you. He's very selfish.

I was with my ex for 15 years, married 10. We had one child, as soon as she was born he pretty much disappeared. Always "working". When he was home he spent very little time with our daughter or me. I knew he was cheating but couldn't prove it. He's a cop and covered his tracks well.

I'd accuse and he'd lie - sometimes coming up with very elaborate lies, never any remorse either. Completely making eye contact and lying.

The end came when I found his visa statement and charges for a hotel around Valentine's Day. He didn't take me. I called the hotel and they confirmed he was there with a guest. I was heartbroken but knew it was true. I confronted him again but didn't tell him I had the visa statement, just told him someone saw him and he lied to me. Said it wasn't him, then the hotel must have made a mistake, then there were lots of men out there with his name. Ultimately, the last lie was that he forgot and was there for work. I flat out laughed to his face and plotted to get out of the marriage. The man still had the nerve to tell me he loved me and I was "crazy".

I was making myself sick in that marriage - put on weight, started smoking, etc... So I pulled myself together, lost the 20lbs I put on and told him I wanted a divorce. I started my own new relationship with a great guy at that point who I am very happy with still to this day.

Life got better. He still denied cheating on me. Funny- I don't want him at all but the sting of betrayal is still hurtful even 2 years later.

After I left and moved out, he admitted to having an affair. Turns out at that point it was going on and off for 3 years. Now he's marrying her. He tried to lie to me about that too. The disrespect this man showed for me knows no bounds. The heartless, cowardly nature of this man proves to me that he was never good. He deceived everyone, had an alternate life and expects everyone to lie for him so she doesn't get her feelings hurt. He's the bigger wh*** as I can't blame her too much. After all, she wasn't married to me, although I don't have much respect for the woman because of it.

I've decided to let go a long time ago but his marriage to this woman brought up the betrayal again. I left him and I'm sure if she ever heard the things he said to me, or how he tried to keep her a secret, it would not be good for their relationship. I have a child, and she is what matters. I'm nice to him because of that but I absolutely hate him. I'm biding my time as I know their relationship is built on a foundation of lies and when it crumbles, I'll laugh so very hard.

I'm the one who won in the end - I was the one who left, I have my own home, a wonderful little girl, and an amazing man by my side who wouldn't cheat on me and loves me very much. I am so very lucky to have the true love of my life and I don't think that would have happened if I didn't go through what I did the first time around. So believe it or not, kicking the cheater to the curb really is the best thing you can do. Letting them stay in your life will only punish you in the long run. Don't let guilt or society tell you to stay - you deserve better!
Sorry I took him back in
by: Diana

I posted earlier about a 38 year marriage that I thought was good. But I was a fool because he cheated many times and the last was found out by our 14 year old granddaughter. We separated. The other girl was younger than my own children and I was devastated. I was on my own for 18 months and received a call that he was in the hospital. He’d had a heart attack and it was not looking good. Of course I went there and he was weak and apologetic and after his stay he went to a nursing home. I visited and cared for him and nursed him back to health.

Again my stupidity. He was being released from the home and could not be alone. I did not want this burden to fall on my kids, so I moved him in with me and cared and continued to care for him. But I am so, so miserable, I wish I never took him in. He still believes he is more important than anyone else and still shows no remorse. So for anyone out there who think taking him back is a good idea, DON'T!
Lies and Secrets
by: Mighty Mary

The lies and secrets were the most hurtful. He secretly initiated and contacted over 120 women on Facebook over a 6 year period. There was flirting and sexual conversations. When I found out, I was devastated. He said he loved me and wanted to save the marriage but he refused to stop because he felt entitled.

Then I witnessed him twice romantically kissing one of his more sexual contacts at his high school reunion. I filed for divorce shortly after. He was surprised by my action and couldn't understand why I was upset. They were just "friends". A married man does not write he is thinking of this woman "stripping" and she will always be his sweetie on Valentine’s Day. She replied she would always love him. This incident and others were meant to hurt me on purpose. I am glad he is gone.
He's a narcissist and will never be remorseful.
by: Hillary

I'm sorry you've went thru this. Sounds a lot like my marriage. We've been married 38 years. Most all of them of which he has cheated. I've known for years he's been unfaithful. I never could prove it like I can with this last known road wh***.

My situation has pieces and parts like all of the stories of an unfaithful male. Lol

When they won't admit guilt and show any remorse it's a sign of being narcissist. They are selfish, all about them, inconsiderate, good liars, they believe their lies kind of person. They are the victim. It's all our fault. In reality they are weak and very insecure people.

Narcissist's would rather lie and deceive than be truthful. It's a kind of high for them.

Anyway I'm sorry you're going thru this. But you will survive. He's not the only fish and now you can free from all that bad stuff. The kind of woman he will be with is never like you. They can't compare. Remember it's him that is insecure not you. You're strong and you can get thru this and come out better off than you were before. No one needs this kind of betrayal.
to Gigi
by: Becca

Hi Gigi,
Very sorry to hear of your ex-husband not giving you any answers. Mine just said "Move On" whenever I asked him questions. After 6 years I finally confronted him at his work and he said he will get me the answers. Still waiting. I wondered after the "Move On" comments if it was actually him answering my emails with "Move On" and not his new soul mate. He used to talk things out with me until he started seeing her. I left the family home as our kids were all grown and had left. He immediately moved in with his new soul mate. His family disowned me, probably because he lied to them. I had never cheated, not once. He said everyone told him I was sweet and nice. Well not anymore, I HATE him for what he did to me and his kids.

I hope you can move on in peace and forgiveness Gigi. I am, however, never going to forgive.

I am happy now but it took a lot of time. I am not young anymore, 67 years old. The new soul mate is 10 years younger. I wish her well, ha-ha, with the a-hole he turned out to be.

Becca
Thank you for my new life
by: Karen

My husband asked for divorce. I asked if there was other women. It turns out there was another woman, a married harlot. He told me he took care of me 28 yrs. and now he was going to take care of her and her two children. After listening him blame his choices on me, I told him he could not carry on his affair from where I lay my heart and I asked him to leave. The divorce is going to be finalized soon. Please look up chump lady; she saved my life. GOD wants you to forgive, give all your life to him and he is calling us to peace. Big hugs to all suffering from narcissistic men and entitled ones. Peace and wish you all healthy healing. Remember to take care of you. Xo
35 Years of not knowing
by: Gigi

I found out a year ago my husband cheated on me with a woman who reported to him at his work. This happened 34 years before he confessed it. She is 11 years younger than me. All he has said is it lasted for a year, he doesn’t think it was two. He won’t answer any questions and if I even come close to the subject, he just says "let it go". For me it has only been a year, but I can't seem to make him understand I need a few answers. He says I'll just use them against him. How can I if I don't have any? I have had no one to talk to and if I did, no one would believe he would do anything like that. I feel like I have existed for no real reason.
Divorce
by: Ruth

Exact thing happened to me. We had been married almost 27 years and our child was on his own but I had to sign EVERYTHING over to him because I didn't work throughout the marriage. He gave me a small settlement but not enough to live on my own. I am in school now and hope to have a job soon. The other thing that made me the maddest was LYING to my face about it. I had a gut feeling he was doing it but he would never admit it. True, we were separated at the time and he was just waiting for the 60 days so it would be official, but we had not stopped being husband and wife. We have NOW.
You are important, take care of yourself
by: Mighty Mary

You must start to think of yourself. Life is too short to feel used every day. I was my ex-husband’s and son's doormat. I thought my family responsibilities were to cook, clean, nurse, plan travel and activities, work, decorate, plant, laundry, and entertain. I was last in their thoughts.

My ex's original family came first, then his high school friends, his work, donating money to impress, and buying gifts for women on social media. I was my son's scapegoat for all mishaps in his life and he felt my husband "could never do wrong." I heard my son say "you can't make me" when I asked for help in the house or to do his homework. He attached himself to my ex with no rules, endless money and no responsibilities.

The divorce process was very hard. Please only proceed with legal guidance to get all your ducks in a row before filing to protect yourself. You are special. Slam his heinous behavior behind him after you kick him out. Sadly, my son followed in the footsteps of a man with cruel intentions. But I do not regret making me first. I now feel I have personal value.
Just go!
by: CJ

Hi. I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I'm not sure how old this post is, but just leave or throw him out. Enjoy the rest of your life and meet new people. You have had a jerk of a husband for so many years. What are you waiting for? Why live the balance of your life tormented by a narcissist. Don't wait another second. He had the affair and didn't care about you at the time. You are just a convenience in his life. Alternatively, do all of the above but stay there if you have financial issues. You can go once you can work out how to be financially stable. You don't need the heart ache. I know how much this hurts and consumes you. My motto is "if you don't want me or love and respect me etc... then I don't want you at all ever". You will make new friends and you will laugh out loud again with joy and happiness. Just ask yourself 'What am I gaining by staying with him'. Lots of luck.
Tired
by: BeckyM

I’ve been with my husband for 7 yrs. but only married for 3. I left him plenty of times but always go back, or he just has a way of getting me to come back. Every time I leave, it gets worse. He cheats on me. He embarrass me in front if people. I jump every time he needs me. He tells me I never did anything for him. He buys me things, then boasts about it to his friends. But the stuff he buys me is things that people sell off the streets.

He doesn’t give me money. Currently he has his own apartment but I don’t live there. We got evicted from our house because of him not helping me pay the bills. I finally had my last straw. I left him because of his disrespect towards me now that he has a new girlfriend.

I told him more than once let’s just get a divorce, but he always backs out. Now he tells me he wants a divorce after I texted him how I felt and why I left him. I have no problem paying for divorce because all he did was use me. Also he hates it when I go out, but he never wanted to take me out. So after leaving him, I finally went out for the first time in 2 years. I’m tired and there’s more, but it’s too much to type.
For the original poster and anyone else feeling alone and with out options :)
by: Kelli G.

You all are incredible women who've made the choice to listen to and wish to believe lies over the truth in your own heart and intuition. I made those voices too. And it's ok. It was part of my journey or learning to trust myself. Learning to put myself first. Learning to love myself. These people we chose to stick with....really did not deserve for us to even grace them with our presence, let alone marry them. Maybe some of us thought we could show these people love. Change them. Teach them etc. Well, in my personal experience, I was used, betrayed, severely disrespected, abused both physically and emotionally, told I WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH, didn't do enough for him (?!) and even told by his garbage family that I deserved everything I got because I wasn't there for him.

No one in the history of relationships has supported, cared for, loved, waited at home ALONE with 2 small children for the lowlife "husband and father" to come home from "working" late. Every single night. Sickening what these creepy men (and women) do to other human beings. Here's why they kept us in the back burner while they played the field...we let them. We accepted their lies even when we felt and saw the red flags. We wanted to believe the lies. And so they continued to feed the lies.

THERE IS ALWAYS A CHOICE. To stay or go. To commit to yourself first and foremost or to unwisely commit to someone else first and foremost. Don't let anyone break you down anymore. Dust yourself off. I don't care if you are 17 or 90. Love yourself enough to know you (and I!) deserve so much better and sweeter a life!

Drop those idiots to the curb and let them be someone else's nightmare. Cheaters and liars don't change easily and some never will. Don't waste your life waiting and hoping. Move on to YOU. And make a space for someone fantastic to join you! Because someone fantastic will. We aren't broken either. We've learned SO, SO MUCH. Forgive yourself. Forgive the cheating, lying, manipulator, and then leave. Save yourself.

Also I suggest watching the Netflix show "Grace and Frankie". It is the funniest, more loveable and relatable show on TV. IT SAVED ME.

If you are going through hard times, don't know what to do, and are afraid of dating because you feel too old, or alone...you aren't alone. Lots of incredible people just like you are waiting for other people in horrible relationships to realize their worth and value and leave to find more of a match. The older we get the wiser we get. The more we know ourselves. The more we trust ourselves. So by my calculation...the older we get the better the dating pool is ;)

I wish you all the very best because I know, after all you and I have been through, we truly deserve it. And if we let go of what doesn't serve us... we will open ourselves up for what does. Choices. I'd rather be alone in the presence of my own excellent company and my friends and family then with a disrespectful, disloyal, dishonorable, manipulating and therefore emotionally abusive individual ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!

Freedom!
Love and light to you all. You're all incredible beautiful women.
Still in the situation - I'm not sure what to do
by: Belle

I just found out that my husband has been cheating on me. I'm 8 months pregnant and have a 2 year old. He checked out on us a while ago, but I didn't realize the extent of his lies until he finally came clean. I think it was because he was caught lying to his new girlfriend about our situation. I'm so stupid for helping him make himself not seem like a liar to his girl too. I'm feeling like a horrible person. I do love him but I'm losing faith that he cares about anyone but himself. He sees the pain this is causing me and I know he says lots of things to try and get me to stay because he wants a family, but I feel like I'm losing my self-respect in the process. I’m so emotional and confused, I helped him get back together with her.

I think somewhere I just want this to be over and I think that my waiting to figure things out may be a mistake. I just want to do it with a clear head. I feel that now that I do know everything.... There are no secrets and he gave me his word (which doesn't mean much anymore) that he would stop once I can have sex again and the baby is born and I do my Kegels etc. But I just feel that putting conditions on me like this shows he doesn't support me.

He wasn't always like this, but he doesn't want to be tied down. During our problems, I supported him financially etc. and did all of what he asked while basically raising my two year old by myself and working full time. I want to know what I should do. I'm too embarrassed to talk to my friends and family about this.
You are not all alone; you have yourself...
by: Bonnie

I am divorcing a man I have been married to for 32 years. He is a narcissist with what appears to me some sociopath tendencies as well. I have been trying to get a property settlement with him for over a year. We both have lawyers and still live under the same roof together (my lawyer advised this). He has had a girlfriend half his age for over a year and has gotten pretty bold with it. Although he denies it to my face, which is the most infuriating thing a man can do to a woman.

He is 60 years old, terrified of getting older and losing his appeal to women. He has cheated throughout the marriage but always managed to talk his way out of it. This last time I hired a PI and bought trackers to go on his vehicles. So when I asked him different questions (already knowing the answers) he would lie every single time.

Both of my parents are deceased but really weren't good parents to me anyway. I was raised in and out of foster care for 13 years due to their dysfunction. My husband and I have one son together who is married now. He has nothing to do with his father since this last woman’s involvement. I am scared some days to think of being alone and taking life on with just me to depend on. But the thoughts of living with him as his wife is much more terrifying to me. I have already lost so much of myself in this marriage and I am looking forward to being on my own and working on my life again and what I like and enjoy doing.

I work but I don't make a lot of money. I need the property settlement in order to really move on with my life and have some financial security. He has discarded me so coldly that it baffles me. He wants me to drop the divorce proceedings but only because he doesn't want to split everything we have with me. Sometimes I am hesitant to even tell people the things he does in our marriage because I think they probably wouldn't believe it.

Narcissist are a different animal altogether. Not like the rest of us. They just don't have anything inside. Everything they do is if they are an actor on a stage. I know you are discouraged. Living with men like this as long as we have can make you feel scared, insecure, lonely, unable to make decisions (because they always want to be in control of the decisions), and just plain tired and beat down.

When I started this process I felt so overwhelmed with all of the decisions I had to make and all of the changes I would have to undergo. Then one day my daughter in law said to me don't think of it all at once, take one thing at a time. That was such a wise thing for her young years, but she was right. So I when I begin to feel overwhelmed (and I still do) I think about what she said and think about the main thing at hand that I need to do.

I hope this has helped you in some way. I am a social worker by profession and try to help others when I can. We all need people to lean on sometimes and just to listen to us. Take care and I hope the best for you whatever you decide to do.
Could it be ADHD?
by: 10 Years In

A lot of people suffer from ADHD. A lot of the symptoms I see here go hand in hand with it. Just thought I would put my two cents in.

They seem like sociopaths, narcissists, they have no remorse when they hurt you. Even blame you for their problems & what they're doing. They need to cheat because they need the excitement in their lives. It's sick, I know. But it's true. Just read about it. You'll be very surprised. A few might survive living with them & loving them. But a lot can't.

I'm in between deciding right now. It’s very hard. It's a horrible thing for both the adhd'r & the partner that's with them. Trust me, it is.

You want to love them & you do. But the times their ADHD comes out you will have major doubts that you can. It's the truth. It happens to both sexes too. Not just men. They hate themselves so badly, they don't believe that anyone can love them. They believe they should be alone all through their lives & not marry. That might be a good solution. But most don't take it. They go on to ruin others’ lives by starting to try to love them. Then when they tire of the boredom & the ADHD sets in..... Disaster comes.
Not even married to this one....
by: 10 Years In

I've lived with him for a good decade, but we found out that he has ADHD a couple of years ago and it has been HELL. He feels that all of his lies & cheating have been warranted because he can't control himself from the ADHD. Baloney. Recently he started sexting with a co-worker and after he promised he'd stop, cause I caught him dead on, I caught him calling her a lot (but listed her number as a "male" so I wouldn't know). But guess what? I asked to look closer at this "male" friend and it was HER number, so I knew right away. I totally freaked out on him. Then she sends him birthday flowers to MY house where I live with him. He acts angry & says he's going to cut her out of his life for doing that? I wonder.

I saw him block her number, but he knows it by heart & so do I. When the flowers came, I took my cleaver & chopped the flower heads off, in front of him. And even though he threw them & the box out right away, I saved them because maybe I'll send the dead stems to her one day? That is.....if he doesn't stop calling her like he says he is. This time will be the "breaking point". If I catch him again, and especially with her, he will be kicked out on for sure.

He's been trying to go back to his "old self" with me, but it doesn't always work. He definitely has ADHD. And I've got to say that it's horrible. He's getting therapy but won't accept that I go to the therapist with him to work on "us". That hurts me a lot. But he doesn't seem to care. Part of his ADHD, I suppose?

But this "affair" of sorts has got to stop now. I know there are other ways he can keep it going, and I just have to keep my eyes open. Very open. I hate it that it ever existed or is existing. I should be able to trust him. When we were first together, he promised so well that he would NEVER, EVER cheat. LIES. All Lies. It seems that ADHD people cheat because they always need something new & exciting in their lives. It comes around about every 7 years or so. Like a mid-life crisis thing. It looks like it is, but it’s worse.

IF he would agree to work on US more, I could forgive more easily. But this is so hard. I'm trying, but the Trust isn't there. I wish it were so badly. I Love him, but it stinks not knowing whether or not he loves me?

I have nothing but the deepest sympathy for everyone who’s written on this site. Though my problems are different, they are still problems. I wish so badly, that I could fix him. But I know he has to do it himself.

If anyone has MY problem, please tell me how you get through it somehow. I really don't want to start over again. When he's in his right mind (so to speak) he treats me very well. So it makes it tough to throw him out. But this is pure torture in my life and may kill me for real. I have heart problems & breathing problems. I'm afraid to be alone. But please all of you, do not let yourselves stay stuck with a bad partner. Life is worth more than that. It may be a struggle for a while, but believe in yourselves and that you’re worth it. I pray for you all.
FREE OF HIM! HOORAY!
by: Lizbeth

My ex was an abusive, exploitive, jerk of a man! He never took accountability for anything. Nothing! Nada! Zippo! But, I had a choice; to either stay miserable stewing every day over how he pathologically lied without a care in the world, stole tons of $ from everyone and yet would get ticked off if anyone so much as borrowed one cent from him. He always caused chaos, drama, headaches, heartaches, misfortune for anyone or everyone that crossed his malignant narcissistic path - or get the heck out of that mess of a relationship and move on and finally be free and happy. I chose the latter.

He did nothing but cause pain to everyone. I got so sick and tired of hearing about how hard his life was, how broken he was, how life was totally unfair and wronged him. Yet he never 1x ever saw all the garbage he caused everyone else, because that would require him taking a step back and looking at things from different angles instead of just his own self-serving parasitic needs. The constantly having to have blood tests done to make sure he wasn't out sleeping around and passing a disease on to me, his buddies and him always sleeping around with other women, playing two or three women against each other to make him feel like a real man. In essence he was just an old dried up has-been that never was (other than hurting others). I'm glad to be free of him! Hip, hip, hooray!
Confused
by: Kelsea

My husband had an affair a year ago and blamed me for his actions. He even had the audacity to introduce this co-worker (who is only 23 years old) saying she is like a daughter to him (he 46). He was seeing her secretively and after speaking to some friends they were also suspicious of his actions. I hired a PI and confirmed he was sleeping with her. I have never imagined my husband to be a cheater.

He did come clean but it took him a couple of months to decide if he wanted to divorce. That was the most painful experience emotionally that I think I will ever have. When he decided to stay with me, he still continued to work with her and that really bothered me... Finally, supposedly the girl changed shifts, agreeing they could not work together on a professional level.

I still wonder when he has these abusive moods that maybe an affair is being re-kindled at this point. He was super sweet the first six months after the affair and now he appears more distant, angry, bitter, and constantly complaining about me to no end. He acted this way when he had his affair... Am I overreacting? I swore to myself that if he cheats again I will not allow myself to be treated poorly like this.

We have 2 adopted children together but had a house full of 6 kids; 2 were his, 2 were mine, and then the 2 adopted children. I would hate for the children to have a broken family. My youngest daughter, along with all the children, were exposed to his infidelity and my youngest and my own children are very protective over me. What worries and bothers me still is how he has no remorse, blames me, and when he is angered (usually when he drinks too mulch) will comment that he should have chosen her, why did he pick me.... It resonates in my mind like a drum! Any thoughts, suggestions, or advice?
RE: Serial Adulterer
by: Enough is Enough!

23 years of your life. I understand completely. I have spent over 32 years of mine. I feel like a fool, like a victim, like I should have been stronger and walked away sooner. Like maybe I messed up staying because I had a child and thought he needed us to stay together, but in reality he didn't need that at all. I feel like a coward for staying with a man who blatantly disrespected our marriage, like a desperate woman who felt she couldn't do any better, like a woman who was afraid to face the world without him.

I have filed for a separation and the papers have been drawn up and I have Ok’d them but he will not sign them. He keeps asking me if this is what I really want even though he is 60 and has a girlfriend 33 on the side. He knows I know this because I finally got wise and tracked him. I also hired a PI because this man will lie to Jesus himself (I don't mean this in a blasphemous way) but to make a point as to how far he will go to in order to protect himself and keep his lies going.

I continue the fight and believe you me... it is a fight to the end. These kinds of men either discard you overnight or want to hang onto you forever while they do what they want to do on the side. Either way it is hurtful, humiliating, and shameful (not for them of course) because I honestly don't think they have the ability to feel shame.
Serial Adulterer
by: Aubrey S

After 23 years of living with infidelity I am calling it quits. A year after we got married I found out that my husband had a habit of going to massage parlor,s which carried on right after we got married and has continued till now. This was coupled with p*rnography and dating websites. He says that it is not cheating because it is not an actual affair!! He says it is just a physical thing!! The pain of the betrayal is no less painful than if he had had actual affairs.

It has devastated me and I wonder why I have stayed all these years. But I realize that I took my marriage vows seriously and with a young son involved I tried to forgive and move on each time I found out. But it is not going to stop, because a leopard does not change its spots. And unfortunately for my wellbeing (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) I have to walk away from this destructive and selfish behavior. The emotional roller coaster has begun.
Hiding behind his badge
by: Emilee

I was not married to this man, but I am heartbroken and left with nothing. After falling head over heels for him he talked me into moving in with him. I was in love so I did. On one of our earlier dates he told me he did cheat on his ex-wife, but it was because the marriage was broken and she wouldn't be intimate with him. I was understanding because I’d never dealt with this type of thing. He was 15 years older, but I didn't care. I loved him anyways.

So we were happy for about 10 months and he talked about marriage and children with me. About 10 months in he started changing. We would go on dates all the time and then I couldn't get him to commit to anything. He was a state trooper and would stay out all day and come home late, ignore me, and yell at me until one day I asked him to talk. He then blamed me for how he was testing me. Then he asked me to move out and that we were done. Another week passes and he is wonderful again.

But then I get a weird message on Facebook from a lady who needs to talk to me. I ask him if he knows her, but he denies it. Then at his Christmas party (which he did not want me to attend), I walk in and he is sitting next to her at the bar. He makes a scene and says I'm checking up on him. I put it together later that it was her and it did happen to be my family’s Christmas gathering that he refused to go to. So I messaged the other woman only to find that they had been seeing each other for 4 months.

I was devastated. I talked to him about it and how that woman truly is evil. She was harassing me and making threats to me. He did nothing BTW. So then I decided to forgive him and move on. I saw much more positive than negative in our relationship. I told him I'm not doing this again though. So we are back to being happy like we were in the beginning, but the other woman is still posting stuff about me on there. I questioned him but he denied it.

So months roll by and I'm noticing he is back to being mean, ignoring me, won’t look at me, yelling. Not coming home right away. He forces me to go to rehab for alcohol and I did, but when I was gone I got a weird feeling. When I came home he was 20 times as mean towards me and her Facebook is loaded with stuff about him. I question him again and he denies it. Then I drove past her house because I wanted to know when she lived. Sure enough he’s at her house, but he said he's at his friends. I called him out on it.

We talked later and he said they were just talking, but then at this point I'm angry because this is the same nasty woman. Then when I was there 2 nights in a row he takes her out and kisses her. Then kicks me out! Everything I owned I had I put into his house. So I ask him kindly to not to bring her there until I get my stuff out. He says not a problem. Couple days roll by and I talk to him and I want to make this better but he still won't look at me. He then tells me he was sleeping with her too. I drive by the next day and her car is at the house. I was very mad and I went to the door to talk to him. He won't let me in and says come back at three.

Now yesterday I was served a Protection from Abuse Order and everything he promised me was a lie. I am now homeless, I can't get my belongings, I lost my job because I went to rehab and when I came back they let me go.

I'm so hurt and I have never had a man do this to me. I'm so hurt that I'm finding it hard to do anything. Oh and I found out that he cheated on his ex-wife their entire marriage and on all his ex-girlfriends too. What a jerk and now I might have a Protection from Abuse Order against me and I'm not violent whatsoever! But no, I couldn't file anything against the other woman. How could I get so wrapped up in this? It’s just a web of lies, deceit, and no respect for me.
Life after Death of a Marriage
by: Mighty Mary

This is to all women of valor who have put up with devious men at one time. I too have been scorned by a man who cheated all through our marriage, financially devastated me and poisoned my son against me with secretive money and no rules. I held on to marriage because I thought I had no place to go.

I finally got divorced after 35 years and have not looked back. I am not financially sound but my social life is great due to divorce support groups and "meet up" groups. Look up "meet up" on the internet. It is a wonderful website with groups around the world. I do not date for trust reasons, but I have found single and married women and men friends who have common interests. You don't have to be lonely.
Definitely NOT all alone
by: CB

Hi,
I completely understand where you are coming from, it feels that way; but it's never too late to leave. Start fresh, start a new you....just think how exciting it would be...a new you. Meet a "real man", one that thinks the world of you, one that you deserve.

When you leave...say this to him, 'I've done my jail sentence living with you for so long, and cheated myself out of a real man. You know...something you'll never be!'

Anyone who says or believes that they need a medal to put up with you...is a person who doesn't deserve you!! And they know it...that's why they say what they say, and treat you with no respect so that you won't leave.

See just like you, I’ve dated bums, jerks, etc... And I’m 39 yrs old and would love to have kids....it's never too late. Let me tell you one thing I’ve learned...you're never alone, and your Mr. Right is waiting for you to leave this jerk...Trust me! :)
I became a master at pretending
by: Angela

My husband of almost 32 years has cheated (from the best I can tell) from year one. I got the first phone call about him cheating within two years of the marriage. Of course he smoothed it over and talked his way out of it. I was a happy newlywed and thought he was too. So I let it go. There were no names mentioned in the phone call.

As time went on there were more and more clues, indications, and out-right in your face evidence (but by now we had a son that meant more to me than life itself). So once again I would tell myself he wasn't really doing anything, maybe I was being overly jealous, being suspicious and so cautiously sat back and continued to live life doing all of the things married people do. I became a master at pretending.

Long story short... it is 32 years later and I am divorcing this piece of work once and for all. I am fed up...done...completely over his lies...his deceit... This man is a loser! Why has it taken me so long to muster up the strength to go through with this? Like most women… the fear of being alone, wanting to keep the family together for the children, afraid of not being able to make it financially on my own. But now, come hell or high water, I am out of this nightmare. Thanks to all of the others who have shared here on this site. It so helps to know others have experienced this type of man and marriage and that I am not alone.
Narcissistic Bast*rd
by: Denise L

I was married 29 years. I put my dreams and career on hold to put him thru school. I raised 4 children. He cheated on me after our second child was born. I forgave him because he claimed it wasn’t a sexual affair but emotional. Also our son was born with Hemophilia, a life threatening very expensive condition to manage.

The next 20 plus years were OK but never great. He was always emotionally unavailable, distant, cranky and thoughtless. I was so busy catering to him and raising the kids that I allowed myself to be abused. He lies, he cheats, and he rants and raves. Everything is always my fault. He devalues me.

Until one day 7 months ago, I found a dating app on his phone. That was the tip of the iceberg. He's been soliciting on Craigslist for 3 ways, etc... everything and anything. He refuses to apologize. Blames me for this. Claims he has every right to do this because he wants what he wants. Claims he never actually had sex with anyone else. However there were 7 different email accounts including an Ashley Madison account for cheating married people and he sent out solicitations daily on each account. He had replies and was actively corresponding with these people.

I have moved out with my 2 youngest and had to rebuild my life. We haven't seen a lawyer yet but he is actively introducing his new girlfriend to my kids. Posting about his dates on Facebook and so is his girlfriend. The girlfriend doesn't know about his Craigslist habit, but posts about how lucky she is to have him. Btw… she is 8 years older than me.

I am sick of his behavior. I hate what he has done. It has broken up my family and turned my life upside down. He has spent his life looking like the good guy, but at home he was anything but a good guy. I don’t get why anyone thinks this is acceptable.

I am taking care of myself for the first time in my life and although scary, it feels right. At first, I couldn't hardly function but now I am actively pursuing a career and making a life for myself. I am glad I left the SOB. I wish I would have stopped making excuses for his behavior years ago and just left. Just because he doesn't hit you, doesn't mean it's not abuse.
I feel bad for you
by: Linda

Hi Rose, I feel very sad for you upon reading your story. I hope you are getting counseling for this. Try looking up old friends. Facebook is one way of doing this; it had helped me immensely after separating from my husband. I have several questions that will never be answered as well. My ex also was very uncommunicative with me. Not sure if all men are like that or not. I am happier now that I am not with him but do get lonely at times. Linda
Cheaters never change
by: Mighty Mary

My ex, who is a CPA and lawyer, still owes me thousands of dollars even though our divorce has been over for more than a year. He has defied the courts and violated the divorce decree. I do not have the money to take him to court and he knows it.

I had not heard from my ex for several months when on my birthday (I'm sure on purpose) he contacts me and demands to pick up something of my adult son's that he and my son left behind more than a year after our divorce. As far as I was concerned, my ex had a lot of nerve to contact me about this since it was not on the list of things he or my son wanted at the time of the divorce.

My son has not spoken to me for years since I filed for divorce. I told him I felt the items were abandoned when he did not take them (they were in full view) when he had the movers here a year ago and anything left behind became my property to dispose of. He expects me to drop everything on my birthday and do what he says. I'm done being controlled by a narcissist. I'm sure he will tell his mistress and family that I am unreasonable, but they probably don't know of his secret life of lies, financial shenanigans and cheating during the whole marriage.
It still hurts
by: Kristina

My ex-husband abandoned me 10 years ago for someone 15 years younger. He was in Recovery, as was she, and she developed an attachment to him as a sponsor/mentor. We actually hosted her at our home for dinner more than once. Over the course of a year or so, he began spending more and more time with her - but when I became concerned, he repeatedly assured me there was nothing going on. He made me feel guilty for not trusting him and said that he was only helping her work through her problems (which included having had previous affairs with older married men- among other things). He even would cry to me how sorry he was that I was worried and begged ME not to leave HIM over this.

Then one day he said he had been lying all the time, and was leaving me for her. He walked out and moved in with her that night, told me all bills related to the house were now my responsibility. We were almost flat broke at the time that he left, so I was left living hand to mouth which I'm still doing to this day. From the day he left, he cut off all communication with me, and wouldn’t talk to me except thru lawyers. Nothing has ever, or will ever be the same.
Taking responsibility?
by: Candi

My husband can say the words "I take full responsibility for my actions", but that's all he's doing-mouthing the words. The way he acts towards me - he's not sorry for anything he's ever done and it wasn't his fault anyway.

There seems to be a pattern or two I see in these men... One is all the unanswered questions we get left with to answer for ourselves.... I can fill in the blanks with some pretty colorful words myself most likely worse than reality but he never corrects me. He lets me think whatever I want.

I've asked him if he had ever thought about how what he was doing would affect me. He answered "I would think about how things would affect you all the time. I thought about that a lot." Then when I ask him to elaborate on that and tell me what was it that you thought about me? How did you think I would react? I get the silent treatment. So I claim if he thought about how I would react once I heard about his sick, low-life, back stabbing ways he KNEW how much it would hurt me and you know what?...he did it because he WANTED to hurt me as much as he could.

I told him I wanted to give his knife back to him, but first I had to pull it out of my back. They are soooo immature, like little 9 year olds who are impressed with themselves when they pretend they're grown men. Then there's the poor-me game and saying "it wasn't my fault". I have to go. I'm sick now.
Once a cheater always a cheater
by: Caroline

I have been with my husband for 15 years. We have two sons that are 12 and 11 years old. When I was in the hospital having our first son he didn’t come to the hospital with me. Instead he cheated on me with his ex. He came to the hospital the next night like he hadn't done anything, but I knew because I had my friend to go check things out. I had him thrown out of the hospital. I did not want to see him at the time. I got out of the hospital and it took him 3 weeks to even come and see his son. I asked him about the cheating (he lied), but I thought since we had a baby it would be best to get back together.

Well it took him 10 years to admit what he did and I still haven't gotten the whole truth and it’s been almost 13 years ago. Now he ignores me. We argue all the time because I found p-rn on his phone and he is lying about it, but no one else uses his phone. We have no sex life at all. I know he is hooked on this p-rn so I feel he has found a different way to cheat on me. I try to talk to him and he goes off big time and even leaves the house for 5 hours at a time. We live in a small town but he doesn't know anybody here. There isn't even a store here so I don't know where he goes. He says he is just walking. You can't walk that long in the cold and snow or rain. I think he has already found a woman to cheat on me with here too.
Same here
by: Callie

My husband cheated on me too. He was the only man I had ever been with. I gave him whatever he wanted. I forgave him, but now he is doing same thing just like her husband.
Mine has no remorse
by: Tanya

I found out quickly my husband was sleeping around. He has never said sorry or that he did anything wrong...it kills me inside. All those unanswered questions, and yet he blames me. It's been 12 months and it doesn't get any easier. He keeps lying about how he found her. It pains me. I keep crying, trying to figure it all out and why he won't say sorry. He says to let it go or let him go. I just want an apology. Is that so bad? How do you trust someone who has no problem with hurting you?
Divorce is a good option
by: Mighty Mary

When I first met my ex-husband, he was fun and thoughtful. We dated several years before announcing our engagement. Although nice to me while dating, his mother hung up on us when we announced our engagement and his behavior towards me changed. He ran to her every time she called to say she was lonely. He backed her in every crazy thing she did to break us up. The signs were there but I ignored them and we married anyway.

When you have a queasy feeling that things are not right, it is a sign to reevaluate the relationship. We were not always happy and after 33 years together, I found out he had a secret life of lies and cheating since we were married. I felt betrayed and stupid not to know. I realized he was a narcissist who felt compelled to show a kind generous public side but at home he displayed an uncaring and thoughtless side. I accepted this behavior as a homemaker since I had no place to go.

Also hurtful was the fact that those enjoyable dating years were a farce. During the divorce, I found old letters while checking his office for our financial statements that he was secretly seeing his old girlfriend for several years into our dating relationship. When I had a miscarriage it was more important for him to attend this high school reunion party that day than comfort me. On another occasion he was too tired to drive me to the hospital for my surgery. He said we had to open a home equity loan to pay bills the same month I caught him donating lots of cash to impress some friends, gambling and found out he was buying his girlfriends presents.

He continues to have thoughtless behavior even after the divorce. I am still waiting for assets a year after the official divorce. He poisoned our son to ignore me at home with his no rules and here's cash for anything behavior. It shocked everyone when I filed for divorce but I have never been happier without both of them. It's like an awakening. Time does heal. Divorce was the hardest thing I ever went through but I can respect myself again.
Truly Pathetic!
by: Colleen

Ladies, don't ever feel ashamed for being duped by these narcissistic sociopaths. Some of them are so smooth and cunning they could probably dupe the most highly trained FBI agents. They make a habit out of lying, that's their claim to fame. Lying is how they make their livings, how they get women, how they abuse their wives finances or vice versa (women that do this to some men).

My ex made it a HABIT of LYING, he LIED all the time! All the time! P-rn subscriptions, fake accounts, countless e-mail accounts, and credit card accounts. He even tried taking out equity loans without letting anyone know. Oh the games...he loved playing games. Games with other people’s lives, $$$, emotionally, financially. He loved playing the poor woe is me, feel sorry for me game too. It was always his parents fault, his bosses fault, my fault, his ex-wife’s fault, someone else mentioned that too.

They always want to blame everyone else!!!! It's true. How can a grown a** man not understand the concept that credit cards have to be paid back? Loans aren't FREE? Messing around with SINGLE gals while still married is WRONG! Touching women on their rear or brushing up against their buns is WRONG! He had to be told these things again and again. How can a grown man not know that lying under oath is against the law? Trying to open credit card accounts with his ex-wives name is against the law? He did it all over and over again and then played dumb about it all.

Having kids and not wanting to pay a dime. Wanting everyone else to raise his children while he went and sat at bars playing around like he was still 18. What a complete and utter joke some of these so-called men are. Growing up and getting a real adult life is just too damn hard for them, so the best advice is to never date, get involved with, or especially tied down or married to one of these fools. If they act too grandiose, loud, cocky, full of themselves run for the hills. Take a ride to the other side of the state, stay away from them! They are only destructive, nothing positive comes of it!
I Thank God for Women Like You
by: Steff

I am not being coy. Your story reminds me of my mother-in-law. She lived with my family for about a year and a half. My husband reminded her of her husband so much that she sat me down to share some things. See, in my husband’s mind his dad could do no wrong and every time he missed an important event it was because he was working. But she let me know that most of the time he was not working but cheating on her. He gave STDs (one of which caused a still birth) and showed no remorse, affection, or empathy towards her. He treated her like a child -- and that I saw with my own eyes. Even on the day he died, he asked for his mistress instead of her. She was bitter and mean, but she said it was because she stayed for 50 years. She should have left. Then she said she hoped it wouldn't turn out like that, but if it did she hoped I was strong enough to leave.

Fast forward two years and my husband of 17 years is caught cheating. He denies it, although I actually found his mistress' number and she was livid because she thought he was divorced, and just goes along. We go away for a weekend and I find the phone bill that shows him talking to her while I was asleep. He even planned to take her to a hotel after he slept with me the day before. I told him I knew and he proceeded to shut me down.... he was tired and he would talk to me later. But he begged her for hours (on text messages I could read) to take him back. That was on Monday. I filed for a divorce on Tuesday. I am still incredibly hurt because he sent a single 5 line text message apologizing and his mistress keeps texting me saying that he is begging for her to come back and that we really are divorced this time.

Some men are just sociopaths. And it doesn't matter when you leave, you deserve every day of happiness you can get. And guess what, you have every right to half of his retirement AND pension AND social security. Get a good lawyer!!!!!

And again, thank you to the older women. His mother saved me from being bitter and resentful. Yeah I lost my youth, but at only 39 starting over is possible so I can move on and be cordial for the kids’ sake. And the 17 years I spent with him taught me to trust my instincts and be strong enough to let your ACTIONS tell people when their behavior is not acceptable.
You're no fool
by: Been There

The fact of the matter is, if he succeeded in cheating on you it does not mean you are a fool. It means he didn't deserve you in the first. When a man cheats it says far more about him than it does about you. It tell us he is a liar, a back-stabber, he has no moral compass, no conscience. It means he is willing to deceive you and he's not worthy of your trust. I says nothing about you, other than you are a trusting woman who loved someone who wasn’t deserving of her. Move on. Find a man who shares the same morals as you do. Don't be afraid to be alone if that's what it takes to be who you really are. Have faith in yourself and trust yourself. You deserve that!
Feeling used and hurt
by: BettyB

I've just found out that my husband of 25 years cheated on me with our son's girlfriend. My gut instinct told me something was wrong, so I pushed for answers. My daughter in law told me they had sex once 2 years ago. My husband won't talk to me about it and if I try to talk about it he blows up at me. I've told him he has 3 weeks to talk or he's out the door. I can't believe the deceit and lies they hid for 2 years! I trusted them both and would have them together for parties, dinner, etc. I feel so stupid and foolish.
Tired of it all!
by: LJ

Glad to say I'm not the only one! Sad what some of these men do to others without 1 oz. of remorse or care in the world. My ex Spawn of Satan got off on ruining everyone financially, emotionally, and otherwise. He wasn't happy or feeling "alive" or having some sort of "purpose" in life unless he was causing pain, chaos, and destruction

It was pathetic. He cheated on his first wife, got bored with her, cheated on all his other wives. Expected women to cater to him sun up until sun down. Blamed everyone in society for his position in life. Was Mr. Big Business spender, that is until a bill was due, then he wasn't such a BIG SHOT. Womanizer, liar, drug addict, alcoholic, sex addict, financial addict.

Don't get me wrong I personally blame myself 50% for not waking up sooner, for being so co-dependent, for allowing it to go on and not getting serious and putting my foot down sooner. He did not respect authority, thought he knew it all, busted up marriages, screwed up other people’s businesses, went through countless business partners, and still thought the world and everyone in it revolved around him.

Truly pathetic, now since he is in his mid-40s and life is getting him by the balls now for all his wrong deeds he can't handle it. Again, it's everyone else fault. Poetic justice for narcissists... once they start aging, life gets harder, they lose their looks, charm, and $$$ starts to be harder and harder to come by, life has a way of biting them in the a**. Karma is for real. Not to wish it on anyone, but what goes around comes around!
Not the only one
by: Diane

I understand your pain! My (wonderful) husband of 35 years, with whom I have the most wonderful daughter and grand-daughter now, began an affair with a tart. I had the fullest, happiest life and thought I was the luckiest woman on earth. Now he treats me with total disrespect and contempt. I am so angry with him, possible angrier with myself, and am finding it really difficult to move on as he has (and, I suppose I have) been dragging this on for 8 years.
Infidelity
by: Cassie

Hi, I'm not married, but I have been in a relationship with the same man for 14 years. All he has ever done was cheat on me. He had 2 kids when I met him and now he has six (I’ve never met any of the kids). The most recent is 5 months old. Now that I'm fed up hurt and have had enough, he makes it seem like everything is my fault. I tried to deal with it like he wants me to, but I really think this is it. I'm no longer emotionally attached to him. He continuously talks down to me and makes me feel like I'm nothing. Lord knows I'm tired. Am I wrong for feeling like this?
Financial support for us older folks
by: Annie

In case you don't all know this- if you were married 10 or more years, you are entitled to receive SS benefits from your ex-husband based on his income. Don't confuse this with support, which can be affected if you remarry.
TK
by: Anonymous

Why do they even get married?
All these stories are like reading about my life.
Men's selfishness is incredible.
Unfortunate Indiscretion
by: Phoenix

I can't help but wonder like so many others about the complete and utter lack of remorse.
I was married 38+ years - saw problems for several years but not the deal breaker of infidelity. Ex had episodic ED beginning in his late 40's - bummer for us both but he refused to talk about it - saying it was stress. Fast forward to when he was 60 - me/57. Started wondering if he might be cheating, but because he was such a devout Christian – I pushed it aside. I even confronted him saying if he was caught cheating it was over (18 months before he was caught). He professed commitment to me, our marriage, God and Family right up until the day I hired a PI and caught his 61 year old self with a MOW of 38 in a hotel (she has kids our grand kid’s ages).

During discovery I learned that he was putting it out there for any and all comers as he traveled extensively in his CEO Job. Pleaded the 5th even when watching the PI video of himself with MOW in hotel. We have 4 adult kids and 5 grandkids. One of which has inoperable cancer and is just 5 years old. He can't be bothered to visit her or help with son's mounting medical bills.
Ex demanded a jury trial, refused to offer settlement and vowed to leave me penniless without a roof over my head. I was a SAHM &W.

His Company intervened and insisted he not drag them into his marital misconduct because his officers and employees were being subpoenaed to refute his lies that we had not been married during the past 5 years of his employment. Easy enough to refute. I got a good settlement.
Moved in one of his OW the week the divorce was final. They are engaged and will marry 1 year to the day of the divorce being final. She is 35 - He is 63.

Lots of ashes for me to rise from, but by God's grace, I'm doing fine - my adult kids range from no contact with him - because he disappeared and resurfaced to invite them to his wedding, to one son who says he will not forsake his father even though his willingness to overlook his dad's antics has created stress between he and I as well as other siblings.

I just don't get how a man can walk away from a great life, grown kids, grandkids and not only never look back but when confronted by his adult son about his lies and affairs, his reply was "My indiscretion was unfortunate". Son quipped back, which one? And received no response. I filed for divorce - I was done. I've accepted the apology I will never receive. I've not seen him since then. He spent in excess of $700K for his attorney - I spent $300K in attorney fees and forensic accounting costs to find everything. No remorse, No guilt - About anything; but all set to begin his new happy life with a woman the age of our oldest child - without a prenup. Sounds like a lot of poo to fertilize his roses.
Men and Lies
by: Diana

I am thankful my divorce is now finalized. My ex lied to my son, the lawyers and the courts. He treated me like I didn't exist because he had his other girlfriends to soothe his rotten soul. He is devious, despicable and calculated. I am more upset with myself because I did see the devil in this man. I was charmed like all his other women. His secret life almost destroyed me when I found it out. All my friends say he will find his way to hell. I disagree.

I have learned that the person with the free flowing money, better education and influence will win in the court system. Courts are not fair to the underdog. Money talks and that will never change. He was allowed to treat me like I was a nothing in the marriage. His claim of being "broke" as a CPA/lawyer were unfounded. He was able to keep from paying me maintenance. Since I had filed for a divorce 3 years ago he was able to convince his employer to reduce his salary by tens of thousands of dollars and they stopped paying him commissions, bonuses and raises.
I understand your pain
by: jim

I found this site by accident while looking for help getting past my wife's infidelity. I am and have been 100% faithful, but was not the communicator she was looking for. As a result, she found a man to start an emotional affair with.

It saddens me that so many of you have been hurt by unfaithful men. Being unfaithful is such a foreign concept to me and I too am looking for support. I am sorry for your pain, I feel it too.
Emotional infidelity
by: Living in h*ll in Pa.

I am 63 years old and in my 3rd. and last marriage. I no longer believe it is possible for a man to be faithful in marriage. I thought this time I had finally got it right, that I married a good guy, someone I could spend the "golden years" of my life with... boy was I ever wrong! My husband went on line, looked up a girlfriend FROM FIFTY YEARS AGO and they have rekindled their teenage love! Texts, phone calls, a new cell phone so I can't see how often they talk, letters, gifts, and now she is coming here to Pa from CA for a rendezvous this week! My husband has denied this is anything more than 2 old friends from the past reconnecting, but given all the clandestine measures he took to hide the relationship I am certain it is not so.

I have made it clear to him that I am in pain and cannot accept this situation; that it is killing me, but it has no impact on him at all. All he does is lie and lie, so I no longer believe anything he says. When I try to talk about it, he becomes angry and turns it back on me.

After several months of him telling me that she is just someone from his past, I gave him the ultimatum, her or me, and he still refuses to give up his long distance fantasy! But no, he says he doesn't want a divorce...that "she is just a fantasy". Fantasy or not, when my husband tells another woman that he loves her, and then tells me that they are "just words" I have to ask myself what else were "just words"? I have been married 15 years and I know I won't be spending the next 15 years with this cruel and thoughtless man.
Going through the same thing
by: MovingOn

I just turned 40. I met my current fiancé 2 years ago. Your scenario is literally the same emotional abuse I’ve endured to a T. For example, his ignoring what I say and disrespecting me. I have concrete evidence of affairs and still he denied it and avoids the situation and communication. He also cannot have children. I am fine and was considering adopting myself. He blames me for his misery and indulges in other relationships to hide his pain. I just ended it. Found a place and am moving out. He now has begun threatening me about leaving him. Thanks for your story I made me realize he won't ever change.
You are all beautiful and amazing women!!!
by: Brandi

In short, my husband of 10 years has 3 kids with his ex-wife, 1 child before we married and 3 kids (that I know of) to different women during our marriage. I didn't find out until the last one. I tried so hard to make things work, even opened up my heart to all his kids so that he can have a relationship with them. In my fight to save our marriage I also struggled with not being able to have a child of my own.

But 8 years later, my beautiful little miracle graced her way into my life and I wouldn’t change what I went through if it means missing out on this blessing. She was my light to bring me out of the dark pit I was in. It’s so easy for us to get sucked in because each and every one of the women in here have beautiful souls. We are forgiving and loving and have so much hope that things will be alright. Men cannot change if they don't want to, and most of the time they don't because they are content with temporary pleasures that don't last, which is why they cling on to women like us for security. My advice is you have a great gift, use that power (Love). If you are strong enough to love someone that can hurt you, then you can love you and your children much more. You are beautiful you are loved and you are not alone.
Men feel entitled
by: Diana

My divorce has been going on for 3 years. My husband would text his girlfriend while he was talking to me, and say he loved her loud enough for me to hear in the next room of our home. He is living with and spending lots of money on her, gambling, an apartment, parties, secret accounts.... and says he has no money to pay my maintenance which he withholds. The courts have wiped out his past dissipation of our joint funds so he doesn't have to repay me. I am so discouraged by his brazen lies to the court system and his ability to get away with it. Am I the only one experiencing this? I was a homemaker and married over 30 years with no career now. I feel lifeless and nonexistent. I don't believe I will ever know what it is like to feel appreciated and valued especially when I need to be protected by the courts from his corrupt antics.
It's a combination of many things
by: Rose

If my husband took responsibility for anything he did of a negative nature it would be bigger than Columbus discovering America! He just can't do it. In his mind, (which is extremely small), he is perfect. He has no errors, flaws, imperfections, etc. so if anything goes wrong it HAS to be my fault. His mother still tells him how perfect he is!


Your comment reminded me of my birthday one year when he was with his sweetie but still in denial to me about it. I was going to spend my first birthday without him in over 40 years. I went to a hotel with my girlfriend and I went out to my car to call him, (like a jerk). Anyway I was crying on the phone to him. He told me to go to my room and cry there so nobody sees me and think's something's wrong! The man is filled with compassion; I'm telling you he is a piece of work. At our house if I cried in the bedroom alone, he would be in the family room and he'd get up and shut the slider door so he didn't have to listen to me. What a guy! I'm telling you God did NOT use the mold again, but Satan found it and glued it back together and used it himself!


Point is, we are worth so much more than they want us to know. I am convinced my husband feels as bad as he made me feel! I told him all the time people who put others down do it because they feel so bad about themselves; if they make you look bad, they feel better because they compare themselves to you and they feel superior. Not sure if I got my point across there, but their self-esteem is non-existent. They are empty inside. There's nothing there. They don't know who they are, what they think about anything, nor do they know how they feel about anything! Their answers will always be whatever the current or most popular view is. I kid you not! Try to pin your husband down with how he feels about anything serious in life. He will avoid answering by changing the subject or answering the question with a question. There is nothing inside I'm telling you! He's empty! He knows nothing about himself because he is nothing. That's how scared he is all the time-fearing you will discover his secret. He's scared to death he will be exposed as the fraud he truly is!!!!


I wish you the best! Remember it is always darkest before the dawn! Reach out to woman everywhere. You need their love and understanding. Keep putting just one foot in front of the other until you get where you’re going, your destination. Don't let him fool you anymore. Believe in yourself and listen to your gut feelings! Those feelings are there for a reason-to protect you from harm!! The same as your gut telling you to avoid contact with a pack of lions!! Listen to yourself and believe yourself!!
Lonely
by: Elizabeth L

I am at my last straw with my 22 year marriage. My husband had an emotional affair and blames me. I wasn't the one deleting texts and calling her. She was my friend, but not now. I'm lonely and want to be happy. I've finally gotten mad and am showing it, but every time I end up being hurt physically. Now he won’t say anything to me. It's like we are roommates.

Our children are now my first priority. He has always come first, but now he doesn't and you can tell he doesn't like it. I'm waiting on his next blow up. He never stood up for me when the woman he was texting and calling sent an email saying what a bit**. I was. Then he got mad, left and went to his parents, got drunk and broke his leg. No one let me know, not even his family (he wouldn't do anything about that either).

I’ve cried so much with not even a hug. I slept in my car to avoid confrontation and when I came home the next morning I got cussed at again. Why does he hate me so much when he is the one that hurt us? He accused me our entire marriage of fooling around on him. Not true. Also a friend of his bit my butt one night and he told me it was my fault. What kind of man can't stand up to anyone but his wife? I'm confused and I need to know what to do. I have no friends because of him, plus I am embarrassed.
Lies
by: NewlyDivorced

I recently got divorced because he was physically and emotionally abusive. A couple of days ago I found out that he was cheating on me while I was pregnant and maybe while I was going through a miscarriage. I always had an inkling about it but never questioned him as I was scared of him.
Why the blame game?
by: Julia

My husband of 20 years (who had never cheated on me) started an affair with our 23 year old step-niece that his brother raised as a child. My husband is 44 and yes has become narcissistic, self-centered and takes all his anger out on me. I have always worked, contributed to our marriage, and our home was immaculate. He spent over 45000 in cash and 70000 in credit card debt to support her drug habit. Ironically she and her boyfriend have scammed him for this money and electronics for 8 months now. She even threw him in jail and robbed him while he was in jail, but he still wants her back and loves her. After talking to her for 2 months and still living with me he bought her a 7000.00 engagement ring that her boyfriend keeps in his pocket. What the Heck happens to MEN?
Punishment for being a wife and mother
by: Diana

I just found out the judge wiped out my husband's dissipation of our joint assets. This money was used for his girlfriend, gambling, and not paying me my full maintenance for a year in our final settlement. I am in disbelief. Why do good things happen to bad people? He has a good paying job as a CPA and good health. One the other hand, I have no career (being a stay at home mom for many years), am older in age and in bad health with many medical bills. The judge gave him twice the assets than me and lowered my maintenance since he claims he's "broke" now. I am being punished all over again since I found out about his cheating and financial abuse. The laws need to change to protect us.
Glad to find this site
by: Anna

I have been married for 22 years, with 3 amazing kids and a good life. My husband was always somewhat self-centered, but I recently found out from him that over the last year and a half he was "seeing" an escort (that he thought was his girlfriend). He hid money in a separate bank account for her bills and himself, leaving me more than once with my rent not paid and my kids without money, all the while coming home EVERY night as if nothing were amiss. I don't know who he has become or if he can change. I do know that since he told me, he has done nothing but tell half-truths and lies, and I have found out what I need on my own. His relationship with our kids has been destroyed. He has no empathy for me, only anger if I talk about it. I am heartbroken and lost.
Same old lies over and over again
by: Carolyn B.

My husband of 5 years cheated on me many times and abused me in every way possible. He left me 2 months and 10 days ago. I gave my husband everything and he just kept taking and coming back when he was bored with each affair. He has only said he doesn't know why he cheated. And he always blamed me for cheating, which I have never done. He always tried to make me believe it was my fault. He was always mad about something but always took it out on me.

When I took my vows, I took them so serious and I just found out that he has been a serial cheater. I'm hurt, embarrassed, confused and I'm trying my best to stay strong to finally end my nightmare. I just can't believe how little he thought of me. He has no respect for me or himself. I will learn how to move on but he will never change. I wish he could feel my pain for just one day, and then maybe he would think twice. I have been reading a lot and it seems that he is narcissistic. No remorse at all. When he left he took everything. When we met he had nothing but the clothes he had.

He will realize what he lost when He wakes up and he can't find me to lie to my face like he has since day one. I am finally going to divorce him and start to love myself again. It's my only choice. I can't wait for the day that I don't cry over something I never really had. I just found out tonight that he has been this way all of his life. I had no idea. But it helped me to realize it was not me that made him act this way. He was always this way.
Divorce is hard
by: Diana

I wrote earlier in this column about my cheating husband who has no remorse or apologies. He feels entitled to fool around with other women. He not only abused me emotionally but financially too by secretly withdrawing his paychecks from our joint checking account. This account paid all my bills since I am a homemaker and left me penniless. It took months to get some money from the courts and he didn't care if I was on the streets after 39 years together.

I was stupid and didn't know he was lying and cheating our whole marriage. He dissipates money on expensive vacations with his girlfriend, gifts, and a fancy apartment, has two cars now and gives my adult son anything he wants. He is a CPA and lawyer and he "made" a decent living before the divorce. Conveniently his salary has gone down tens of thousands of dollars and he petitioned the courts saying he is now broke and can't pay my temporary maintenance while "entertaining" his current girlfriend and her kids beautifully.

He is always giving cash donations so he looks like a great guy in public, but refuses to pay my court ordered house bills. People bow to him so he'll give cash for their causes, but the same man wouldn't give me money to remodel our house for the last 20 years. He gave tens of thousands of dollars to charity to look good, all the while complaining to the courts we don't have enough money for college expenses.

Financially I am not doing well but he is so nasty that I am happy to get rid of him soon. We are complete opposites. He has found someone who shares his same "moral values". She struts around with him in our same social circle and we are not divorced yet. This girlfriend is not his first nor will be his last. The joke is on her.
I feel your pain
by: Brandy

I understand because I'm in the same mess!!!. My husband and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary together and even went to Disney World to celebrate. When we get home, I found out not only has he been texting a woman since August, but the woman was his ex-wife. The only children we have are our dogs. When I asked him if he felt any remorse about what he has done with her, all he could do was ask, "What does that have to do with anything?" Really? How about Everything.
Shattered heart
by: Tina

Wow I can't believe how many of these stories sound like my life. My husband cheated on me with a married woman that was his partner in his cousin’s wedding. Like 20 years ago he flirted with her. Back then we fought about it that day... Now almost two years ago I found out he had an affair with her, texting her under my nose after we had made promises to each other to start fresh. This was before I knew the extent of his infidelity.

I soon found out he was with her the night he told me he was going to some reunion with his brother-in-law and would be staying in a hotel that night. But I find out he met up with her there and expects me to believe him that he didn't screw her ... Yeah right!!! He expects me to move forward and get over it and not talk about it, because it ticks him off and I have to believe him nothing happened. But I soon found out a lot happened because that jerk left his Facebook open on the computer and his email and I saw it all. I'm still devastated and shattered. I'm lost and feel so alone...

We have 4 children; 2 are grown and the other two are 11 and 16. I tried to make it work, but he never truly wholeheartedly ever apologized for it. He says he will never get on his knees to apologize and I need to get over it. Now I find out I have some medical issues and he never wants to help me. He says "I'm not helping; you just need to cut back 50 percent." He works 4 days a week for 10 hour shifts, but comes home and does nothing except sleep. I’ve loved him since I was 20. I'm 54 now and stopped working when our son was born with a heart defect. Now I feel I'm stuck because I haven't worked in 17 years.

I'm scared of dying alone. Thank God for my wonderful children the Lord has given me. My faith is deep and that's what keeps me going, plus my kids and grandkids. Why do men that cheat blame us women and expect us to be quiet and get over it. I can't and he won't let me talk about it. I have no friends because he drove them all away. He moved me away from my family. And his family hates me because he talked crap to them about me to make himself look good... :(
Divorce
by: Natalya

I’ve been married for 23 years two and have two children who are 21 and 17. His mom lives in a different Country and will not fly alone, so she comes here for 6 months and is then is home for 7 months. And my husband takes her and picks her back up ... I just found out that he has a child with his first cousin (the child is four years old). I’m feeling sick.
38 years and I also left a cheater/ SO SAD
by: Diana

I also have the same story after being married 38 years. Although I caught him cheating several time before throughout my marriage, I forgave him and moved on, never bringing it up. Why I accepted it is beyond me. I loved my family, 3 kids, and 6 grandkids. I loved hearing from people, "what a wonderful family."

Well, this most recent time being caught was not by me, but by my 12 year old granddaughter. This time I could not stay, I could not let my granddaughter know it is okay to be disrespected. I had to leave.

I am devastated, I was married at 18, and I never lived alone. I hate the quiet evenings, I cry every night.....WHY.....I miss my life, not him. But the HURT is still there and I want it to go away....Oh yes by the way, the other woman is younger than my children, he is 60 she is 31, how adorable...
Very there right now.
by: Debbie

I feel your pain and have an abundant amount of empathy. I have been married for 34 years and oh yea my husband cheated on me and shows no remorse. He blames me and yells at me if I bring it up. I could have written your note word for word.
I feel your pain
by: Kaia

My partner and I had a son together. 6 months ago he cheated on me, and their communications stopped 2 months ago (I did all the effort). When I found out about his affair, the woman was already pregnant. Then after a month, I found out that I’m expecting our second child. He was happy about it but continued lying to me by still seeing that woman. He always tells me it’s in the past and I should move forward and just forget about it. But it’s not that easy, especially when I accepted him back many times and he didn’t make any effort to change.
My own story
by: Anonymous and sad

I need some answers please. I’ve been with my partner for 20 years. I’m 42 and he’s 46, and we have 4 kids together. He’s always worked away but right up until about 5 weeks ago, he started to act very distant towards me and our children. I knew something was really wrong when he couldn’t look at me when speaking to me. I confronted him and asked if he was with another woman because my gut was telling me he was. He said no. Then he told me things would never be the same between us. I asked why you are saying this and he said I don’t know.

So I told him if you don’t want to be with me I can’t force you to stay, then just go but he didn’t. He said we can work this out, so that lasted for 3 days until I went into his phone and found messages from a woman. He went mental and left, but there was another number belonging to another woman on his phone also. I do believe the affair with the first woman is over. But has he fallen in love with the other woman and is this why he tells me he is never coming back to me. I’m in shock as I never thought this would happen to me I haven’t seen him in 2 months and he hasn’t contacted me. Please reply back. I JUST CANT FIGURE THIS OUT
Going through this now... cont'd
by: Merlot

It is now the Holiday Season. I filed for "D" June 1, but it is not finalized. Anytime his attorney asks for papers, he procrastinates??? He is still with the skank that is now entering into our Business affairs...
Be on your toes ladies... It took me three months into his hid affair before I realized what was going on. Within those three months I slept with him not knowing about his affair... Then in October I had an outbreak... Can you guess what it is? …The Herpes virus. Thank you skank and thank you ex-husband-to-be. Now my child won't kiss me good night (shows up on my chin). He says it wasn't him! It must have been my imaginary lover... but he won't get tested, I did blast him... The attorney knows about him being added to the infidelity. Doesn't help the outbreaks and the moving on without further scorn… I never received an apology...
TRUST your intuition lady's and be aware of what they can bring home to you. I am livid and told my attorney to go for the juggler. I'm a sweet, kind, caring person who has been taken through the mill. Please don't let this happen to you. Trust your gut early on and get out. A narcissist will never change.
Not Just Males
by: Man

Ladies, selfishness is not tied to gender. Yes, some males are selfish jerks. I say males rather than MEN. Real MEN do not cheat on their wives. Real MEN take responsibility for their actions.

Some females are selfish b...... My wife is the poster child for the group. I picked her and I had children with her. At times I feel like my life has been wasted. At times I want to get away and start over. The only real peace I have is when I am not around my wife. My best times are when I am with friends or family and my wife is not around. Our children are now adults. Maybe it is time to kick her to the curb. What do I do about that vow I took 4 decades ago?

Again, selfishness knows no gender!!!
Thanks
by: Alysa

Men are men and very few are good at heart. I have experienced what some of you have in a 4 year long-distance relationship with a man who won't stop seeing and hanging out with his exes. He thinks he is normal and says he has no attachment to them. One minute he wishes to marry me, and the other minute he wants me to move on without him so he can maintain these bonds.

Today we have the feminine chauvinistic men who act all sweet and caring to women, but really wish to have women hang on them. These men have a narcissistic personality and they will hang around women who do not care if they are in a committed relationship or not, as long as they (as women) get attention and what they want from him. We also have to blame women that do this to other women.

I remember a close guy friend of mine who used to hang out with women friends and his girlfriend felt jealous. He said it was her insecurity and kept doing this to her anyway. I then stopped seeing him alone and said that if I cannot spend time with him and his girlfriend together, then I should not be spending time with him alone because it hurts her - so that is what I did. I did not keep the friendship going to be selfish but let the friendship transpire because a partnership of 2 is special and that bond is worth considering for their sake.

Both my friend and my partner are very feminine guys and act caring, etc... But they are still abusive. They have many friends too, but say things behind their partner's back to make themselves feel better and so that people believe that they are all good!
Husband cheated during whole 36 year relationship
by: Paige

I have been married for 32 years and found out a few months ago that my husband has cheated on me throughout our entire marriage. He has maintained a secret life and I am so upset and humiliated by this. He blames the affairs on me and continued his charade even after he told me he wanted to work on the marriage and stay together. I found old love letters to a college sweetheart and realized he was still seeing her and contacting her years into our 4 year dating relationship. I found letters from many other women telling me he was writing and calling them during our marriage. They commonly said I miss you and you were great to be with.

I recently found out for the past four years he has initiated contact on Facebook with many old high school girlfriends and women classmates and chased a women at work that is 25 years younger than him. I can only image the other affairs I haven't caught. It was so hurtful to see his romantic remarks on Facebook, a public forum. I also feel like a fool, and like the rest of you, don't know who I married. Women are crazy for him. He has such a good guy facade at work and with his friends, but has emotionally abused me our whole marriage.

I have been conflicted since I still love him, but it is so painful. He does not think there is anything wrong with his behavior. He thinks he's charming. He has no remorse. He wants a dutiful wife to take care of the home so he can continue his relationships. He won't stop. I believe it is time for me to leave even if it hurts to do so. We both need to be set free.
Sounds like a - "Sociopath"
by: Gina S

I was only married for less than a year and he cheated on me. Your story sounds like mine.

I have been going through counseling and he has displayed all classic Sociopath signs. Please google it and see.

He looked good on paper.
Going through this now
by: Merlot

Finally heard my husband tell me he is having an affair with a married woman. I obviously guessed the affair. We have a 15 year old son that has for the most part lacked a father because of his traveling. I'm alone a lot with the business, school, sports, while my husband enjoys his work and travel.

Well for the past 5 months he has been cold, no intimacy, a real Jekyll and Hyde. I have been extra, extra kind and considerate to his moodiness. I finally blew yesterday and found out about the other woman and told him that they were both home wreckers and he was scum-ball. He called in the evening to tell me he couldn't come home after what I said and that he would see me at work on Tuesday... He had to sort things out! Again, here I sit waiting again. For the summer I am moving to the city with my son so he can continue lessons and we could be closer to school and have a little fun. I think this ticked my husband off, since he wanted to leave.

I am totally shattered, scared of my future since we own a business together and work it together. This has been my job for 15 years... When he got back from his last trip he told me he didn't want to be home around me. Is it me or is he wanting to be with the married woman? My self-esteem is so low now, even though I know I am a great lady. I am so shattered and my heart hurts so badly.

But how can two married people do this and not care about their families. I'm shocked by who I am married to now. I thought he had scruples and class... How could I have been so stupidly blind! I can't stop thinking of all the aspects of this. Him not thinking of our son, him hating me, touching her, messing up the business to get me out if it... Am I paranoid or what!
Agree with Stacie
by: Queenie

Yes it is disgusting. Men are pigs. It is selfish and wrong.
Just disgusting
by: Stacie

You are all suffering from emotional abuse at the hands of these narcissistic mid-life crisis abusers. NEVER put up with this behavior. Get some self-esteem and self-worth and dump these A HOLES NOW! I'm so sick of men doing this to women. It's disgusting.

My husband went through a mid-life crisis and did the same thing. He shopped for someone else for a year while using me for my love and companionship until he got a bite on the line. Now my heart is torn to pieces and stomped on and I don't know if I can ever trust another man for the rest of my life.

I'm just now going through a divorce and I put a restraining order on the jerk too. I'm cozy in our house that’s going into foreclosure and I'm moving on with my life. He stabbed me in the heart and then tried to blame me for it. He's insane, he's a boozer, and he’s an abuser. This is abuse; there's no other word for it. I'm never going to put up with it again. The idea of what diseases these type of women (including the husbands) are spreading is absolutely disgusting. Luckily, I never slept with him after he stepped out on me so I have no diseases. It's just disgusting. Men are pigs, disgusting pigs.
Infidelities and Lies
by: Jessica

Infidelities and lies go hand in hand. I have spent decades married to a cheater. Each time he got caught he said it didn't mean anything. Each time he pointed out that I was the one that with the problem by making a mountain out of a mole hill. Let’s just move on and forget about it, he would tell me.

My therapist suggested that I look up "Sociopath" on the internet. What an eye opener! I found an exact description of my husband's personality. Sociopaths have no sense of remorse, shame or guilt. Here are just a few of their characteristics:
- problems sustaining lasting relationships,
- manipulates others to achieve selfish goals,
- air of self-importance,
- unconvincing displays of human emotions,
- quick to blame others for their mistakes,
- quick to lose their tempers,
- easily bored,
- charm is superficial, etc..

A sociopath cannot change because there is no conscience and no remorse.
Ditto
by: Beth R.

All I can say is ditto......same story. He left and supposedly it was my fault. He won't talk and lives in a fantasy world.
My Story Written by Others
by: Lori

In reading all the comments I feel that someone wrote out MY life to a T. My husband of 30 years is an attorney, has had multiple affairs, and continues to put me down more times than I can remember. I have a strong will to move on, whether with him or without. I am literally forcing myself to think about "me" now.

We are still under the same roof, but he is turned off because at 54 years old, he wants his 25 year old wife back... Amazing because he had his first affair when I was 25. Yes, he has aged and no he is not the young guy anymore either. These men are great at making excuses for everything and they don't want to talk to us. They prefer that we leave them alone. Mine is more concerned about the finances and what it will cost him.

I accidentally left this website open, he saw it and literally seemed shocked and surprised and went so far as to ask me "Are we getting divorced?" Tell me what is going on... Hello??? I cannot tell you how many times in the past 6 months he has told me he wants a divorce and there was another woman he was involved with. Once she dumped him for someone else; he decided he wanted to work on our marriage. He claims that it has nothing to do with being dumped.

Since I do NOT trust him, I don’t believe anything he says. I have been in my car just driving around, in such a fog and in so pain. I rely on my friends, something he doesn't have because he is mean and very sarcastic. He talks to our sons who are 27 and 23 and I have begged him so many times not to talk to our sons. It’s wrong and it is what is nailing the coffin shut. None of us are alone, in looking back, there were so many times that I was "alone" during our marriage. Did any of you feel alone during your marriage? The verbal abuse is up there with talking to our sons.

Life is too short and if we can't work on being happy together, I need to move on. I hear divorce is worse than death and I think I have been putting it off for that reason and that reason alone. I wish ALL of you the very best and I have to believe that our pain and loneliness will pass with time.
Not alone, I am in same boat
by: Queenie

Mine exhibits narcissism and self-importance, selfishness, he likes secrecy and doesn't want to be questioned. He feels he is right. The coward won’t even talk to the husband of the woman he is cheating with. Their daughter even called my husband crying and begging him to leave her mother alone, that he was destroying her family. This didn't even deter my husband. My husband changed his phone number. He even went so far as to have a friend of mine pretend to be me to talk to the husband. She is no longer a friend to me.

However, the husband, being distraught, continued to contact her (served her right for getting involved) anyway. She told my husband to make it stop. So the upstanding jerk that he is.... emails the husband from one of his fake email accounts to tell him to stop contacting his wife. That it was just upsetting her and he couldn't deal with the stress of that and his Mom's cancer.

I must say... this all happened a year before I even knew anything was wrong... and his mom does not and never has had cancer. Somehow my soon to be ex-husband feels he was justified. He has no remorse for his actions or the many lives he has destroyed. I'm sick of feeling betrayed and made a fool of.
Infidelity stinks
by: Darlene

My husband of 27 years also was having an affair and wouldn't talk about it. I'm pretty sure the lack of remorse and unwillingness to talk are caused by 2 things - 1) His mid-life crisis and 2) narcissism. Those two together are a bad combination.

I am like a penguin - he has filed for divorce and I'm still lamenting and wanting him back - I really meant my vows. He's happily moved on (or so he thinks until the newness wears off) and wants us all (my 3 kids, his parents, and me) to be happy for him and to someday understand. Meanwhile our 16 year old son is left fatherless at a really important time in his life.

I am trying to be strong, but I feel so weakened and sickened by it all. I have marched on and kept busy, but I can totally understand the women who don't get out of bed for days/weeks/months. It was like we went from happily married to being amputated from his life overnight. He is starting to text our kids with really fake messages, as of late. "Your mom tells me you are being her strength, I'm so proud of you, my friend," he texted our 16 year old. I never said anything like that - he was trying to sound connected to entrap our son in his sick new life. Our son is going to write a letter stating that he wants to live with me and see his dad on his own terms only.

No, you're not alone. Unfortunately there are millions of us out there.
You are never alone
by: Jeannette

I know it feels like you are alone, but you are not.

I was married for 27 years only to find out he had been with other women for years. Like you I am older. I am 64, too young for Medicare and I am no longer on his insurance. Our divorce was final so now I must get insurance for myself. It is not easy and I do not want to talk to my friends. Some things are personal. Like you I have never had the privilege of having children. At first I sometimes I do feel alone, but there are so many women just like us.

My husband (like yours) is not willing to talk about anything he has done. That is the part that is hard for me. He says it is in the past, so get over it. Yet he gave her thousands of dollars that I thought we were going to use for our retirement. Now I have to go and find a job at this time in my life.

Hang in there and you need to start a life of your own. I know it is hard but I also know we can do it.

They do not deserve us for one more moment.

Jeannette

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