He abandoned me

by Laila
(Middle East)

He abandoned me without warning and for NO REASON! I just want to know why he could move on so easily.

He was nine years older than me when we met and fell in love, so I felt that he was more mature than all the other men or more like boys I have dated. He showered me with attention, flowers, gifts, and love.
We spent 7 years together. To be honest, they weren’t amazing. He had a lot of issues. He would hit, punch, publicly humiliate me, and God knows what he would tell his family about me.

Our honeymoon was something out of a tragic movie. He threw me out of the hotel and beat me in front of the hotel staff. I called the embassy and they put me up in a different room (I refused to change hotels because I still wanted to see him even if it was just in passing). We made up and he flew back home with me. When I got home, I had lost 2/3rds of my body weight; I was covered in bruises which are still on record in Thailand as well as the hospital report of the beating and stitches.

I went back to him... Things got better then worse. When I was un-employed, he could never let the fact that I was broke go. When I finally found a job (I accepted anything to shut him up) he made fun of my low pay...

After I moved up the ladder and then switched companies, I ended up making about 1000 dollars more than him which killed his pride and really upset him. To the point where he asked me to start paying a % of the rent and other things he should have been taking care of as a well-off man.

I’m going to skip to this past year...
I was hospitalized for depression, and he seemed supportive and decided we would move to Los Angeles and that it would be good to have
a fresh start. I thought he was thinking of me.

Foolish of me…
He promised that our rent would be paid for until I left the hospital, that he would give me money monthly. When I was discharged I found out my home was gone. The only things I had were my clothes and accessories that my mom's maid picked up and nothing else. The money he claimed to have left with his mom he took back and he was actually in Amsterdam not California.
I was abandoned...

Of course, I heard so many times “we told you so” that if I had a penny for each one I would be able to live in Beverly Hills and be set for life.

I eventually got his number from a mutual friend who was very hesitant to give it to me. He told me that when I was ready and he was ready we would still be together... all lies. He then cut off all contact with me until he called me out of the blue because he wanted my help. GO FIGURE RIGHT! I helped… and haven’t heard from him since.

Now we were married in the Middle East, and I don’t know about the divorce laws in the United States. My parents want me out ASAP. I can’t afford a decent divorce lawyer and I want to take him to the cleaners and start up my own business.

I need to get his attention and don’t know how. I have told him that I will divorce him. I told him I bought a ticket and have his address and to expect me to pop up at any time... to be honest I just want to know why he cut me out of his life so easily. I know another woman has something to do with it; I would be a fool if I didn’t, because if he was lonely he would definitely contact me at least.

I need help but have no clue where to start.

Comments for He abandoned me

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Do you realize he had a disorder!?
by: Audrey

I wanted to point out the fact that no matter what, eventually he was going to abandon you. No matter how perfectly you loved him, it wouldn't have helped for very long. Because he does not bond the way the average person does. He does not feel emotions the way you do. He has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Just know that he will do the exact same thing to whomever he is with now, and every person afterward. His mind cannot be fixed, there is no cure to make him feel the pain he has caused you. Nor the guilt any normal man would be feeling after treating someone so cruel! He does not feel love as deeply as you do either. His form of love is more like an obsession with someone he believes to be perfect. But as soon as he sees any sign that you are not perfect, he slowly starts removing the pedestal he had you on. Until one day, he rips it out from underneath you and disappears.

Just know that because the relationship lasted so long...he will most likely never find a love that will measure up to yours. Because he taught you how to love him... which you did so perfectly. I can guarantee no other person will ever measure up because he won't care to teach it all again. So they will fail. And he will search for you forever. But don't ever give it to him. Because he will make you pay for causing him to feel. And he will never let you win again. It's a game to him. Don't let him win.

It is Unbelievably Sad and VERY Shameful for him to do like that!
by: Sam

I literally don't know where to start… What to say and what not to. It is very sad and Shameful for him to do anything like that with anybody (and not just with his spouse).

I mean, at least everyone should have a little bit of humanity in them. I don't know why people don't realize and take into consideration the other person's feelings, emotions and happiness etc.

I'd just say honestly, "don't care about him anymore". You're surprisingly very caring. But if someone doesn't recognize your emotions and feelings (and how much you do for them) at all, and as he keeps showering his cruelty on you then you, should definitely teach him a lesson now.

Take Care of yourself please!

Abandoned too
by: Kerry

I'm shattered the same way after over 20 years of marriage. I maintain my career, education, and no matter whom I dated or who I had my kids by, I could not marry them unless I was in love. Well recently he said he loved me, next to God, I filled his void. We were not a game, he would buy my rings, bring me the keys to the house, and I am his wife. And then all hell broke loose, her and then the both of them, caused a lot of problems for me. But God is in control. I know I have the victory and both of them will reap what they sow… but what about us, the love and the compassion? I talk to God every day, every minute every second, it has been 9 months now. I'm still praying God's working behind the scene.

Nothing is impossible with God
by: Zanele

The Lord God is good, He specializes in things that are difficult for human beings....put your trust in God and pray in Jesus' Name. A clean break through is on your way; God's blessings to you.

You need to have faith sister.
by: jasmin

Dear sister....I have been in your shoes. My ex-husband abandoned my three year old daughter and me last year. I was unemployed. Had no idea what to do. Cried for him... cried over his cruelty... and guess what? I just realized my life is much better off without him. Without been beaten to blue and emotionally tortured...

Please my friend… you are not alone. There are many who have stood in the same spot you are. The question is, which road are you going to take? You are a good person if you can love someone even when they have only hurt you. But don’t you think he does not deserve you... Why even think about him.... you are responsible for yourself. High time you stand for yourself. You owe it to you and your parents and friends who love you. Take care

May God give you all the strength … And don’t worry you will be fine...


Men should be punished and convicted
by: Mikaela

OMG, I was abandoned also and I understand what it feels like. I was served with divorce papers without any sign. I have moved on and will not consider this person ever again after 21 years of marriage. Then to find out he remarried after 5 months into our divorce. He now wants to keep in touch with me and states that he still cares and loves me. This person is confused, sick, or something. How can you treat women like this with no shame? We need to get back!

by: JJ

And why would you want this man back in your life? Run girl, run fast and don't look back.

To He Abandoned ME
by: Jenny

Yes. He did.

He did much more, though. He stole your confidence, your courage, and your financial stability. "Until death do we part" is a vow we make at marriage. However, we also promise to cherish and honor, in sickness and in health.

It doesn't appear to me that your husband has fulfilled any part of his vows. Did I mention "forsaking all others"?

I am with your parents on this one. They want the best for you because they know you deserve more. However, you have to believe that, too.

I can’t tell you what you need to do. Only you can decide that. But I would ask you to consider three questions. (1) What do I want? (2) How can I get it? (3) What is the cost (financial and emotional)?

I am divorcing a man I have been married to for 31 years. He has taken every material possession I have, but I am damned if I will let him have my soul. THAT cost is just too high a price for me.

I wish you well.

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