From love to abuse
He went from loving me to abusing me. I have only been married 6 months but it is a marriage that should have never happened.
My husband and I have been together, on and off for 5 years and have a 3 year old little girl. We got back together in June 2 years ago after a year-long split. The split was because I was suffering from PPD after having my daughter and he supported me through the entire episode.
Throughout that year neither one of us dated another person and before long, knew we wanted to be together. So after 2 months of being back together, he found out he was leaving for a 7 month deployment to Afghanistan. He left in August for 8 months. At this time our daughter and I still lived with my parents, so it was going to be okay.
I was so excited for him to return in April, I practically ran to his arms. Before long, we bought a house, furnished it and I was able to quit my teaching job to stay with our daughter, since his job kept us financially secure. But not long after he returned, his kind and loving attitude towards me (that has always been that way, even when I called off the marriage one time prior) changed into childlike behavior.
He started yelling at me when I would ask simple questions. Then he progressed by giving me the middle finger during these arguments until, before long, I was being called horrible names on a weekly bases. Our wedding was approaching in September and I wanted this to work so badly, I brushed it off as nerves for him and kept planning. I was getting 'used' to the name calling and figured this was the way for him to blow off steam.
A month ago, I asked a question about the bathroom we were remodeling and he freaked. Saying every swear word to me and then stunning me by calling me a really derogatory name. After he did that, I went upstairs to really see his issue and as the argument progressed, he slapped me across the face with the sweatshirt in his hand. I went downstairs to where I was finishing wiping the floors on my hands and knees and he came by and put all his weight in the middle
of my back. (I am 29 and have 4 tears in my back and had a back surgery in July which failed to where it is hard to function without medication). That, to me, was the ultimate physical abuse.
Anyhow, at that moment I knew this was getting worse and worse. As this started to progress in the summer months, I asked him at least 20 times if he needed therapy from being overseas. He denied it, denied it, and denied it. I didn’t care what the problem was, I knew that I did not feel safe anymore and I was tired of being treated this way. So, I asked him to leave. I told him that he could move out or I would call the cops and they would move him out.
That was a month ago. Once he was gone, so many things in my life changed for the better. I was being more active, working harder towards my Masters, smiling and laughing more, just everything was better. He has started to get help and he said that he was making progress, but that doesn’t work on the feelings, or lack thereof, that I have for him.
He has slowly chipped at my love for him to the point that I truly am not in love with him any longer. He keeps throwing in my face that he has stuck by me when I went through rough times, and he is right, but that was HIS choice, I didn’t make him feel bad to do that. Also, I just found out from my very best friend, he called her yesterday to verify that I was with her when I told him I was (he has convinced himself I am seeing other men, which I would never do because I am simply not like that AT ALL)...
I am truly done after I heard that. I can’t do this drama anymore. There are so many predictors of violent behavior that it scares me (I am currently working on my Masters/Ph.D. in Education, so behavior is one of my specialties). I don’t feel like I am over-reacting. He was not in a combat zone overseas so that doesn’t make sense. Also, I am the ONLY one that this anger effects… not his family, not his friends, not his workplace.
When is enough, enough?
I need advice...please