A life of mind games...and being ignored
The reason for my failing marriage was that I was the scapegoat for so many things...
Several times over the years, he would mess up on his job. For example, the alarm going off at work and the alarm company would call the house. I would give him message and he would refuse to return their call. He was the manager, and he had very important medical products in the freezers.
Then on the next day, or the following Monday... he would say that I never gave him the message. Since the alarm company never talked to him, and only me on those occasions, it looked as though I was at fault. This has happened several times over the years… different situations, however somehow I would be blamed.
Back a year ago, a business associate of mine was trying to get in touch with him to do some repair work. I kept asking him to please call this man, but he just kept not doing it. Then at our Christmas party, this man asked him why he had not called. He told him that I never gave him the message. Now every time this man asks me to do something at work... he asks me several times if I will make sure that it gets done, or if I will make sure I tell someone about something. His lie has affected a business relationship of mine.
He had an affair several years ago. He was ready to leave me and our three sons. During the whole time, he did not know what he was going to do. He blamed me for his affair... I was too involved with boys and had no time for him. During his affair, he was only concerned about the other woman… not me or our boys. Finally she broke it off with him. He stayed, and then after three weeks he forbade me from talking about it. He said it happened and I just needed to get over it and he was done talking about it. At the time I did not have a job, so I did not know what to do.
He has lied to me over the years... then laughed when I found out about his lies. He has confided with my oldest son (who is now 22) about these lies... and has also involved him in these lies. Like his admitting to getting a speeding ticket, and telling me that someone had not paid him for a side job, so I would pay for the speeding ticket.
He has always had me second guessing myself… about almost everything...
For years he has not made time for me. He does not talk to me, does not
go places with me, does not take me out to dinner. I have begged him to spend time with me... but he just ignores my cries and says he's too busy. He jokes that our annual date is my office Christmas party. Over the years I have asked him to make time for me and for one reason or another he just has not done it. I remember one time his saying that he could not change and that I needed to change my thinking.
But, let someone else ask him to do something and he is all willing to do it…
He does this thing when I try to talk to him about how he makes me feel... it is like he mocking me or something. If the boys are around he says stuff like... "What can I do to make you happy... all I have ever tried to do is make you happy". But he only does that if he has an audience. Then he over talks me and confuses me when I try to talk to him.
Recently I have started standing up for myself... and just tonight he told me that no one in the house likes to be around me because I am so vocal. A couple weeks ago my oldest son told me that I needed to keep my mouth shut so that his dad and I would not argue. I am just tired of being treated like a nothing. Basically if I would just take whatever is dished out to me, there would not be a problem.
The only good thing that has come out of my marriage is my sons. I have stuck it out for 27 years. I am 50 and I just think that if I am going to be alone... I might as well be alone by myself.
It has just been years of not measuring up…being talked down to… being disrespected, ignored, and made fun of. He plays head games and sometimes he gets me so confused. He will embarrass me in front of people and makes me the butt of his humor.
He lost his high paying job about 3 years ago. He took a job working at a home repair store and was supposed to start a side home repair business. Like most of his pipe dreams that lasted maybe two years... When he lost his job his annual salary went down $45,000. And I was thrown into being the main bread winner. To this day I feel that he purposely set himself up to lose the job...
I could go on and on... but I can't. I have been really foolish to believe that someday all this would get better.