Thrown Away Like Yesterdays Trash

by Sherry
(Black Diamond, AB)

After 34 years of marriage, he just threw me away like yesterday’s trash!


You need to know that this "IS" my true story and what I have to deal with each and every day. What I’m about to say sounds completely unbelievable and I truly wish this was all my imagination but it isn’t.

My husband threw me away after 3 children and 34 years of marriage. He is an accountant and specializes in both tax and matrimonial property agreements. He convinced me to move out of my home and he then immediately moved his old High School girlfriend and her deadbeat family in. He hit me below the belt at my most vulnerable time. We as women usually have a gut feeling that something is wrong, which I did have for months before this happened. I kept asking him if everything was OK to which he assured me everything was fine. I’ve been fighting him for the past 5 years to get a fair settlement but he said he will never pay spousal support and I didn’t deserve anything else since he was the one working.

My mother died and six weeks later my daughter got married. Only 9 days after her marriage he informed me he didn't want to be married anymore at which time we separated. 5 months after that, my dad died and 2 1/2 months after that my mother's live-in boyfriend of 45 years also died. That is 3 close family member’s deaths and 1 marriage in an 8 month period. As I mentioned earlier he convinced me it would be in my best interest to move which happened 2 month later. Within 6 months of the move my sweet little dog also died, she couldn’t take the stress of moving and me crying all the time.

I’ve been in therapy for the past 3 years just trying to cope with this nightmare as best I can and am so overwhelmed I don’t know which way to
turn. My soon-to-be ex is trying to get his hands on the personal and private notes written by my therapist at each of my therapy sessions. It will cause irreparable damage to me and my children if this occurs. I am standing my ground as long as I can but they are relentless in their quest. Neither my ex nor his lawyer are experts in psychology and have no business trying to make interpretations of my very personal and private thoughts. They are being very voyeuristic in asking for this. Here’s the crazy thing, it all has to do with spousal support he does not want to pay. I was married 34 years, had 3 children and was out of the work force for over 30 years looking after my family. He is now wondering why I can’t just go out and get a job. I have no job skills other than caring for my family and live in a rural area where there are no prospects.

My lawyers are not helping me at all, they have prepared a consent form for me to sign which will turn these notes over to my ex and his lawyer. I guess that’s because it is the path of least resistance for them. Needless to say, I am not prepared to do that. I believe it’s important for all women who have been in an abusive (be it verbal or physical) marriage to be able to seek help and assistance without the ever present threat of their ex being able to highjack their personal conversations with their therapists. I now find myself in the position of not wanting to seek help at all because it can and might be used against me... how crazy is that ??????

This is only 1/10th of what I live with every day. Thank you in advance for listening to me, I’m hoping there is someone out there who can give me some advice on where to turn and what to do.

Comments for Thrown Away Like Yesterdays Trash

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Narcissist
by: Pamela

Very sorry and that is awful.❤️✝️🙏
Thrown Away by a Committee of His Golf Buddies
by: Rose

My ex walked out of our marriage after 32 years. He told me he had an emotional breakdown on a golf course. He said his golf friends helped him to see that I was the cause of his emotional problems, and his only recourse was to "rip off the bandage" and leave me. He pressed for a 90-day divorce. He tried to dictate all the financial terms. He would not answer my financial questions. I am now stuck with not enough income to move and hard to find work at my age. How can people be so cruel? So selfish? So lacking in empathy? People ask why we didn't try a legal separation. The answer is, I was given no choice. He simply filed for divorce, told me everything that was wrong in is life was because of me.
I care
by: Elizabeth

I care about all of you ladies. Although each story is different, they are also the same. What happened to me is quite bizarre, as I married a good and kind man in my 50’s… we had many great years together and loved each other. We were planning a wonderful retirement together. It all changed in a moment! One night my husband saw me playing a word game on my phone and accused me of texting another man. That was crazy! I never did that, but he kept insisting I was lying and continued to believe I was communicating with men. This was during the lockdown of Covid, so we were always home together.

We saw two therapists virtually, who both told him I was not doing anything wrong and was being truthful. He didn’t accept this, becoming more delusional every day. He even accused me of trying to poison him and called the police! (They told me something was very wrong with him). My husband had truly become delusional, and also contacted my grown son to tell him how ‘evil’ his mother was… of course my son tried to reason with him to no avail. This man threatened me and there was nothing I could do.

I was forced to leave our home and he filed for divorce. That was two years ago and I am still working on recovering from this devastating event. It is a nightmare I live with each day. I lost my marriage, my ‘safe place’ and my home. I really don’t belong anywhere, so I take it one day at a time. I’m 65 now and still have to work, barely getting by. But we can all do it and take it day by day. Let’s all support each other in prayer and keep our faith in God to bless and keep us!
Me too...it's sad
by: Brent

After 32 years of hard work and two kids, my wife did it to me as well. These actions are not gender specific. Rather sad.
God Never stops loving you
by: Angel

I as well have the same sense of feeling as you, but not as harsh as yours and so hurtful. I can only imagine how it feels; 34 years of wasted time you had spent with him and all those goals you wanted achieved, by till death do us part. All wasted on someone who wasted all those years when you could have gave your heart to someone who wanted it. And instead of fighting for love, he disposed of it as there was no care at all.

But don't worry child, his life on earth is short-lived compared to his days after end. He whom throws another human being, a soul of God, to the trash just to replace it by another will be judged on the reasons of the disposal. And if the bad outweighs the good, then he will then be deposed to the pits of hell, as you were on earth (you may be in hell on earth). But you can be in heaven and be forever with no pain, no hurt, where no one will ever throw you away.

Keep your head up and keep fighting and pulling yourself up every day. At the end of the day, just to repeat the same day again until judgment day. Keep moving towards the straight and narrow path to God and your blessings will be greatly rewarded and peace will come. Just pray to God every day and he will, in due time, take all the hurt and pain away. And who knows, maybe you still have a chance to continue (those 34 years are not wasted at all), just paused for a brief period of time, just to be played at the right time with the right one in the right and actual right way. Never lose hope, for hope has never been lost. Hope is the capital H for happiness. For the word nope - take away the "n" in nope replace it with the letter H and you have hope.
Me too after 32 years
by: Sheri

I married my high school sweetheart. Fast forward 32 years and I find out he has been carrying on an affair with a woman that used to live next door to us. Now that I look back, he rubbed my nose in it every chance he got. We would go to dinner and she had to go too. We went out for New Year’s Eve and he got his business partner to pretend to be her date so he could have her close by. I feel so bad for all you ladies. The circumstances may be a little different but it is basically the same story. We were all married to narcissistic men who played with our emotions and treated us like dirt. It has been almost six years and I am still processing all of the deceit and lies. God bless you all.
Get a divorce attorney
by: CC

I’m so sorry this is happening to you, but I promise you’ll be happier in the long run. Do you really want someone like that as your husband? You deserve better. My advice is to get a divorce attorney now… and do not tell your husband or let him convince you he’ll take care of everything and for you not to worry….he clearly does not have your best interest at heart. You need to protect yourself and your child first and foremost.
Complete devastation
by: Lexy

I just found out my husband was engaged to another woman while married to me. She reached out to me. I almost had a heart attack. I’m so devastated. He told her he was divorced and even fabricated papers and bought her a ring. She’s younger with 4 children. We’ve been married 27 years with one child. Every second I want to cry. Everything reminds me of him/us.

It’s so hard. I too haven’t worked in years. I’m 57 and I don’t know what I should do. He said he wants to keep supporting me. How’s he going to do that when his new girl has 4 children (2 that are very young)? Should I just wait for him to file? Should I get a job? I don’t know what to do. I’m sad, depressed, and most of all scared for my future. I pray that everything worked out for you.
Thrown away and replaced me
by: Margot

I have been reading everyone’s comments, and I felt as though I needed to comment because I need support and also want to be a support to others. I feel I am having a "poor me pity party" all the time lately. I was 19 when I met my ex and I left when I was 38. I am 46 now and still struggle with the decision I made. Even though I am educated, for the first few years, I found it difficult to keep a job.

I left my ex because he was not a partner, started being mean, acting like a father and not a husband. He has a big family and when I left I had to distance myself from everyone. I moved once and moved back, and during that year I moved back, he was with his Assistant Manager. They had 3 children in 4 years’ time and are still together 9 years later. We moved to Florida 15 years ago and I lived in the same house for 12 years. I only left it because it was negative to me and I wanted a fresh start. The house was in his grandmother’s name at first and then she put it in his name only. Last week he sold it for $260,000. I am by no means money hungry, but was not offered anything. The new wife benefits. Last year he bought a new house with a pool and a new car. Now this year he sold our home and bought a car.

I have never put him on child support… my twisted thinking that he and I would reconcile someday. But I have had my children for a year and he has seen his daughter 3 times in that year and my son, never. My son is 14 and had a falling out with his dad’s wife last March. Since that time their dad has made no effort to see his son. Over the last couple of months I thought we were more civil with each other, but I am trying to move and needed help. I have been paying where I currently stay and trying to put together $2400 to move. My last 2 pay checks have been less and hurt my situation a lot. Knowing that he sold our house, I was hoping he wouldn’t be mean and help so I could keep a roof over mine and his first 2 kids. Well, he put me down left and right, said he would help on his terms and pay where I was moving, not give me the money.

He also showed up where I am staying temporarily, without any warning today. I wouldn’t let him in, so he left. We argued more on the phone. He said the 18 years with me was a waste. He also said he never wants to speak to me again. Basically hates me. Oh, and to top it off he called his mom to get her involved. His mom and I were always very close until her son and I split. I broke down a bit and told her I missed her. She said she missed me. I don’t know why he got his mom involved when we haven’t had a relationship in years.

I feel like I am always struggling and after today and how he treated me, I feel like I finally need to make him pay child support.
That’s illegal
by: Carol

What about hippa laws and patient doctor privacy. The only way a therapist physiatrist can mention what you say is if you are going to hurt someone!
Let go and let God
by: Dawn

I agree with the former response. Let go and let God.

Fighting the system is a waste of energy and money if you have no money to help you fight; let god fight for you. Most lawyers don’t care at all. The time wasted on those people is a waste of your time healing. I have learned the system stinks... I have also learned the hard way, but I do have to say I did learn it quickly and let go… around the 2 month mark on the court/legal system.

I choose just to walk away, give the ex his evil money and possessions and let God work my life. I just started looking at his money and possessions as evil and I wanted no part of it. I could not get to our liquid assets, therefore could not afford an attorney. Tried legal aid, no help there, contacted several attorneys to go on a flat fee, no help there. And this was all through covid. God is a just god, you may not see justice on earth but you will when Jesus returns. That is what keeps me going. Pray and give your life to the lord.
Everyone’s trash
by: Lisa

I have been abandoned by everyone I have ever loved. So if anyone feels your pain, it’s me. I’m a single mother and have been thrown out like trash by everyone, including my own mother at a young age. I will say a prayer for you.
You are not alone
by: survivingbythegraceofgod

If you want my story I will have to tell you in private. Just know you are loved. I can be emailed at survivingbythegraceofgod (@) protonmail.com
Bless you
by: Jasmine

God bless you honey,
I’m about to be thrown out like the trash because of a horrible mother in law.
I wish we could speak but I’ll pray for all of us under-appreciated women.
Scarred
by: Alysa

My ex-husband, who I knew since childhood, told me after ten years of marriage he is not in love with me anymore. He asked me for a trial separation and agreed not to date anybody else and moved in with his mother. He had an audience... the woman he is married to today.

He scratched his face and took pictures and lied to everybody saying he was the victim of abuse. His mistress, who was also married, moved into his mother's house too. We just bought a house after living with his mother to save after 3 years. I was so happy we had our own place, but he was not happy because he wanted to live with his mother. I found out his mistress was pregnant with my ex-husband's child. Nine months after our separation, they had a 12 pound 6 oz. baby. I suspected they were having an affair because she was calling my ex at inappropriate hours to look for sympathy because of her fights with her husband.

I had just finished college because I went back to school and had a bright future ahead of me. We had our new house and I wanted to have children with my husband because we loved each other so much. I thought we had the perfect marriage. To find out after 10 years of marriage it was all a lie was more than I could handle.

I went into major depression the day after my separation and tried to take my life. He did not come to see me at the hospital and instead of offering me support, he drained our bank accounts and took me off his credit cards. He went as far as having me served with a restraining order while in the hospital. I was not working because I just finished college, and he tried to leave me homeless. I stayed with family until my court date, then the judge allowed me back in the house, and I put a restraining order on him, which he violated the same day. I lost a lot of mutual friends because people believed his lies. To this day when they see me, there have been people who looked horrified.

I had found out shortly after I had cancer. Again, he was not there for me and even accused me of faking being sick. He and his attorney harassed me so badly, I had to move out before getting a job and healthy and back on my feet. I managed and got a great job and am an independent woman now.

Fourteen years have passed, and although I stopped loving him years ago, I am unable to trust any man because I am scared of how sadistic he was with the breakup. It was like my entire marriage was a lie. I wished him a happy birthday and was the bigger person a few weeks ago, and he said nothing back to my email. I felt the painful rejection all over again. I guess I should not have done that. I was just looking for peace. I am trying to heal, and years of therapy has not helped. I cannot trust again.
Unstoppable you!!!!
by: Jackie

I'm not sure when you wrote this or if you will ever read this. I too have been thrown away like a piece of trash. I was married for 26 years and have twins who are now 22 years old. When our children were born I stopped working. My husband got a promotion so I took care of the home, yard, laundry, etc. I made sure I did my part and I truly felt we were blessed. I did summersaults in my life to support my husband... I liked his family and hosted family gatherings (and clean it up all by myself). I tried to look pretty for him all the time and I just loved to see him smile. There were times that I felt like I was invisible to him, just a door mat I guess. I am 58 years old. I have given up my career and raised our children. He told me he no longer loves me. He says I'm not sexy enough and I don't act a certain way. Ok, I have young men 25 years old hitting on me, but whatever...

Here is my take for you. The person that seeks help is really the stronger of the two. It is the person that is accepting responsibility for their actions on their marriage. You getting help is not being weak or crazy. It is you trying to wrap your mind around all of this, because that happens as we're trying to make sense of it all. But there isn't any sense to it, there isn't God there to guide you. This is a bad situation that even though it's over, it's never really over not for the one who wanted their marriage to work.

I wish you and I could become friends and tour this crazy world and help put people back together. My heart truly breaks for you (I too am almost where you are). It's been a little over a year since he left me. But today I decided that even though I can't control him, I can control myself, so take this!! You will be unstoppable when you are finished with your divorce. Why? Because I can tell from your letter you’re a good woman. Don't stop being who you are. Mental abuse is an act that hurts people. I would ask myself what kind of judge could even hear that BS. Pray sister pray. And believe me when I say God has got this!!!!!
I am so sorry
by: Teresa

I literally feel your pain. Mine walked out without warning on my birthday. My family supported him and has never heard my side. We are all in business together and guess who got forced out of the company and the board after 22 years of helping build and guide the business?

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I hope you have at least one person who has supported you. (Or was this not a recent article? If so I hope things have improved for you.)
Helpful Ted Talk ...
by: MM

Guy Winch: How to fix a broken heart
38 years and kicked to the curb at 68 years old
by: MM

My husband started walking on his breaks with a woman he worked with. I saw texts but he insisted they were work buddies. I told him I was afraid they would become emotionally involved, and that is exactly what happened.

She put him first, unlike his Mother never did. And I guess he thinks I never put him first. I showed my love by making his favorite foods and putting homemade snacks in his lunch. He told me he loves me, but not as a wife. He said he couldn't live without her.

I begged him to go to a counselor. The counselor talked to him separately, and he went to work the next day per the counselor’s instruction and told her he couldn't walk with her anymore, and he was going to try to save us.

She cried all day at work, and he told me it was the worst day of his life. The next day she did not speak to him and he caved. She made him tell his wife first, get an apartment, and sign a lease himself. I actually helped him load the truck thru my tears.

This was early January and she still has not moved in with him. She is married and said she wants to divorce her husband and get half of the house before she moves in.

Our son will not speak to us. He is 37 and lives out of state. I am in the house doing everything. As soon as our beloved dog dies, he will divorce me, I'm sure.

I believe they have long term plans and it is very difficult. I am still in shock. My counselor said it takes one year for every 10 years of marriage to heal. 4 years of pain; Lord help me. He is a liar, an adulterer, and is mean. But all those years, we laughed and were best buds.

I am strong and will make it thru, but I am old - 68. The shock is the worst. I feel best when I have no contact with him. There is a good Ted Talk called "How to mend a broken heart". It helped me a lot.

I feel the pain of all of you. Let's take this journey together.
My therapy notes are my husband's worst nightmare
by: Cyndi

I've been married to a narcissist for 13 years. He has been unfaithful, emotionally abusive, cold, and uncaring. He guilted me into giving up my career and robbed me of my self-confidence and ability to trust. I begged him to go to therapy for years, he finally agreed to go a couple of years ago. (I have been in and out for nearly 8 years to address my issues from his treatment.) After 3 sessions and the therapist asking him very specific questions, he decided it wasn't helping him. But he told me I could keep going if I thought I needed it, implying I was a head case.

Guess what? The therapist saw what I had been relaying about him, got him to fess up to infidelity, and she also saw him be quick to anger over something very trivial. Remember, all this is in the notes! She also has notes where I have given specific factual examples of his emotional abuse. He presents a very different public persona, so her documentation of our discussions are helpful to prove my case. I haven't filed for divorce....yet. I am getting ready for my consult in a few weeks, a fact which is unknown to my husband (who is off on an extended business trip with his current conquest.) I WANT to use my notes if he tries to fight anything I ask for or if he tries to spin the story as this is my doing. I am over being a victim for him.
I get it.
by: Mike

Okay, I am probably not the one that people want to read a comment from. I am a man, but I can sympathize with everyone on here. After 15 plus years of marriage, my wife and I are getting a divorce. We had our ups and downs but I always thought that we would be able to work things out. A divorce was something I did not think would be an option for us. My wife cheated on me, she said that it was the only way out of our marriage. We have three sons; two teenagers and one adolescence. What am I supposed to do now? I bent over backwards for my family even while she was in nursing school. I took care of my kids and took care of her. Now I am left with nothing, I don't get it. Divorce is not a gender issue, it is a broken issue. I know what it feels like also to be thrown out like yesterday's trash.
THE Answer
by: Kathy

I’m so very sorry to hear your tragic story. Mine is very much the same, but my healing has come from having the Lord Jesus as my savior, my healer, and my deliverer. The chastisement of our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed. I choose to read only the King James Version of the Bible, God’s Love written to us. He alone is well able to give each of us who choose Him whatever we need. He is awesome!!!
37 year old trash
by: Anna

After 37 years of marriage, he left for a younger woman. She left him as soon as he left me. He has done nothing but cry over a 9 month affair and has felt nothing over our long marriage. I am so heartbroken that I do not think I can do this.
Poverty in exchange for my freedom from 31 years of abuse!
by: Petra

I left with nothing after 31 years of marriage, as my younger ex-spouse forced me to agree to the divorce with threats to my safety and security. When I fled from him one time, we were living in Mexico and this I reported it to the police and it even came out in the city newspaper!

It has taken 5 years after this divorce just to understand all he had done to me. He has the houses in the US and land in Mexico, and a good income (most unreported - he only reported one job but has two). I am alone, living for a few months with one son and then with another or with a daughter. I don't receive financial help other than from our children.

Just now am preparing, at 59 years old, to go back to college to get a good job and earn enough for my future security and old age.

I want to someday find a lawyer that will help me fight this but where can I start searching? I have heard that after 5 years nothing can be done but also have heard, "It is never too late to fight for what is yours!"
We ALL MARRIED THE SAME JERK
by: Marcie

I’m about to be in the same situation. I also have not had a regular job in forever, been married 30 years, had four children who are all grown, and it looks as if I am in the cold, for no reason at all. My husband started trucking, and he makes more money than he ever has, about $7 to $8 thousand a month and has become a money Nazi along with a raging alcoholic egomaniac. I don’t know what to do, I can’t even begin to know how to fix my life from this. He spends thousands a month on himself, has a dating account I found, has constant hotel stays he lies about, the list is endless, and when I tried a part time job he just fought with me nonstop. I think we all married the same narcissistic a hole. My family is no longer alive to turn to for support. I need a miracle.
Stick To Your Guns
by: Shannon

"My lawyers are not helping me at all, they have prepared a consent form for me to sign which will turn these notes over to my ex and his lawyer. I guess that’s because it is the path of least resistance for them."

DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, SIGN A CONSENT FORM TO TURN THOSE NOTES OVER!!! FIRE YOUR LAWYERS IMMEDIATELY AND GET LAWYERS WHO ARE SERVING YOUR BEST INTERESTS, NOT YOUR EX-HUSBAND'S!!!

I am so sorry to hear of what you are going through. I am going through a similar situation and feel your pain. Whatever you do, stick to your guns. Your ex-husband has put you through hell and he needs to pay you spousal support and he needs his rear kicked as well!!! Your lawyers aren't doing their job and I believe that they are working for your ex-husband and that is not right and definitely not legal. DO NOT LET HIM BREAK YOU!!! You deserve to be loved, to be cherished and treated with respect.

The stupid self-centered jerk thinks he can break you...DO NOT LET HIM HAVE POWER OVER YOU!!! STAND YOUR GROUND!!! GET A NEW LAWYER WHO WILL FIGHT FOR YOU!!! STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!!

Know that you deserve love and respect. Know your worth. Know that you are an amazing woman and he is a complete loser for doing this to you when you gave him children and a large part of your life. You have gone through so much loss and I am so sorry for your pain you must be in. Hang tough, sister. Stick to your guns. Do not let him break you.
40 years gone
by: Mary Jo

I feel for all of you. I've been there with a bit of it ALL. After I got out of college (thank goodness I carried two degrees) and became a teacher, I was unmarried and had no boyfriends. I met him and a year later we married. At the time I didn't feel I was desperate, but now I look back and maybe that feeling was creeping in. I was attractive and some say beautiful but I was always told not to feel vain. I had dated a guy for four years and halfway through college we couldn't keep up with the five hour distance.

Anyway, I got married to a person who I loved; maybe not in the same way as my first love. I was faithful but he had anger issues and would say about once a year "I have to get it out". Then after four years he picked up a chair one night and almost hurled it at me. I stood at the door forever and he told me if I left he'd call the police and tell them I stole the car. I stayed

He had a federal job where we moved often. At different locations he would look out the apt windows and peek at girls undressing (he thought I didn't see him at the top of the steps, but I was quiet). At another location he said what he'd do to a girl walking down the street. Then he got into heavy adult videos. Sick.

I had a great job, we had a beautiful baby, and life got so busy. I got awards and grants for work. Our son was gifted and finished with a CPA degree and met a wonderful girl. My ex started taking lots of necessary medicines and drinking daily. On weekends he would have several bottles of wine.

One day after his mom died, we got into a fight over the check book. Each month it had to be to the penny and I'm trying to grieve, and then he said he'd take over my farm account. He had already asked my mother for three hundred thousand dollars; I was worried now. When we got into it he threatened divorce. He said well sell your farm and split it down the middle. I tried to talk to him, but he said the same thing so I left and never went back. After my mom died I began to have all these guilty feelings. Wish I knew why, but I got a divorce after 40 years and stayed at my beautiful farm to heal!
I thought I was the only one...
by: JOHN

My brother died and six months later my dad. Five months after that my mother and five after that I intercepted a package for my wife of a personal "toy" from her boyfriend from 40 years ago. When confronted her, "yep" they were having an emotional affair which she hurried off to "consummate" after I found out. We had been married 37 years, have two sons and even lost a baby girl together. Two weeks after she moved out, my beautiful dog, "Bradi" died. Your story resonates this evening as I felt like ending it all. This happened a year ago and my heart still aches. She wants spousal support as she lives with this guy. Almost unbelievable… Worst thing is my attorney is worthless and I'm having to hire another. I thought I had a good life, not easy but good. Now it is a challenge just to get up in the morning.
I had a similar problem
by: Angelica C

My ex-husband is narcissistic and treated me like I meant nothing to him and not even having his child was important. He loves our son as much as a sociopath can, but he hates me and makes sure I know it with every interaction. I have tried over and over to just move on, but he puts our son in the middle and it really isn't fair. My son wants to live with me but his dad insists on having all the control. Then he tries to alienate me from him constantly. He throws out anything my son makes for me at school and prevents me from being able to talk to him on the phone.

When we were married he constantly cheated on me, then became physically abusive. I feel like his hatred towards me was always there and has never changed. I really don't want to be nice to him but when I react to his issues...it's even worse. So I just figure being nice is the best thing to do. I feel like its torture talking to him and he's always putting a negative spin on everything I say and do for our son. I don't even know who this man is. He has remarried and acts all happy and I feel so jealous and hurt that he can seem happier with her than me. I don't know how she is happy with him honestly. But maybe he found the right one for him. He was never happy with me. I wish I had chosen more wisely.
I understand
by: Gia

I was married 15 years, no children but a stepson from an affair he had during our marriage. He then met another woman and a couple weeks before Christmas, threw me out of the house and moved her and her daughter in. I wasn't married as long as all of you and and we had no children together, so wasn't as hard as what you all went through. I can tell you that it does get better. The scar will always be there and I'll never be with anyone again but I can honestly say I'm happy...and you will be too! : )
Therapy notes.
by: Janie

In my state no one can get mental health records without an order from a judge. Not a subpoena, but an order from the judge. HIPPA laws protect your privacy. HIPPA is federal law. Do not sign the release. Tell your therapist you won't sign. Tell the lawyer, no way will you sign. What you say or work on in therapy is irrelevant to all of this. He/they have no right to your private therapy sessions. Stand strong and don't sign.

Check with AARP for job assistance.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Clearly your ex-husband is an a**hole. Bless you for putting up with him as long as you did.

Again, I'm sorry for all the pain you're going through. I pray you get what you need. I hope you get a settlement from your x, but also look for work. It will keep you busy, which is therapeutic. It will help your self-esteem.
Men Are Pigs
by: Kelsey

All I’ve got to say to all of us is what my lawyer told me... document, document, and document everything. Sit down and write down everything that you can possibly remember and never sign anything. Good luck to all us forgotten women.
Hurting here now
by: KM in IL

I went through almost the same, except we were married for 28 years. I have never cheated on him and only loved him. He told me to leave so he can finish fixing up our little farm house. We are NOT rich. He supported me, and in turn for the last 16 years I have helped and raised and loved his brother who is mentally handicapped with the brain of a 2 to 8 year old.

It started when he came back from working in Montana / North Dakota. He started being very abusive verbally and physically with pushing me and throwing things at me. Neighbors have called the police on him even. When I came back (with him saying he could get more remodeled if I went to visit family), I found out he told our neighbors he kicked me out. Talk about being shocked and hurt.

I went to stay at a friend’s home from church. I had to go back every day to our little farm to feed and I just want to be around my animals. He kept my dogs in the house where I brought them home and raised them for the 6 years of their life.

Then one morning he came out yelling at me and he took a brick to the truck I was driving. That scared me bad. The neighbors and I called the police then and they told me it was time to get an order of protection, so I listened. I thought it was time and I did get him removed from our farm and I felt relaxed for the first month. Then I dropped the order of protection from being scared and broken.

I let him move back into the farm with his brother, but he would not let me see my brother-in-law. And he dragged both of our dogs out of my truck. I still have not seen them to this day and it has been 3 months now. I miss my brother-in-law and animals so much it hurts.

Now I am back staying with a family member, but I’m broke and having a hard time finding work. And I lost my auto insurance to my truck but paid ahead on it. I am lost. I do not have money to hire a lawyer. My phone will be turned off tomorrow and I could not stay in the same state he was living in, for I had no family there.

Does anyone know if another state will help me try to get support from him? He does make money and he will not even talk to me. I have no clue why but he only calls me by wh***; I have not CHEATED on him but he has on me. And now I found out he has moved in a couple into a RV on our property. Of course he is saying he is not seeing anyone (the last time I was able to get 2 words out of him).

He is in Idaho and I am now back in IL and so worried. The jobs here are horrible. I am scared.
Happened to me
by: June

I really sympathize with you as I was married 38 years and had one grown son. He left me for an older woman... go figure! Then three years later, he tried to get me in bed while still living with her. My life has been upside down for 6.5 years and the pain never leaves me, though I give it a good try.....I’ve had five family members pass away during this time and my dog also... I have PTSD from all this.
Stand Your Ground
by: Katy

I have been where you are. Sounds like your lawyer is just looking for getting paid anything, instead of concentrating on what is best for you. Find another lawyer.

I was married for 18 years when my husband threw me out for another women. I had no idea. I was so in the dark. He worked out of the house and felt like he needed to rent an apartment to get work done. We even adopted my sisters little 5 year old girl per his idea. (That was to keep me busy). I do not regret the adoption. This apartment was a place for him to meet and you know the rest.

He had been married before and had two daughters, which during the first five years of our marriage we got custody of. He had a son and then 15 years later adopted my sister’s daughter. His next to oldest daughter at the age of 13 was tested with Bi Polar. The adopted daughter was diagnosed with ADHD. You can imagine having to keep on top of this. He took business vacations / cruises, all the while taking his mistress and introducing her as his wife.

The only thing I got out of that marriage was a son, two step daughters and an adopted daughter all of which still call me mom and have absolutely NOTHING to do with him. He was physically and mentally abusive.

Be thankful he set you free. You deserve better. You are worth it. There are support groups all around to help. Family is good, if not look for a group. Look for a new attorney.

I will be praying for you.
44 year's and he is gone
by: Alice

I was with my husband for 44 years, and married for 34 of them. He is getting ready to retire and I know he has not saved enough money for us to live on. He said we need to move back home and I could live with my step mother and he could live with his mother. I’m just a mess. I cry, can’t eat, and even my dogs know I’m so upset.

I have tied a knot at the end of the rope and I am hanging on. After what he has done to me I would never take him back. He wears a yellow stripe down his back and I have no respect for a man that’s a coward. But I’m so alone and won’t share with anyone. I live in this big house with all the memories and its killing me. I need to pull myself together but have no idea how I’m going to do this. Thank God I found all of you! I feel like I have some angels on my side now! Hugs
As Casual As Flushing a Goldfish
by: D.

Understand the thrown away. I lost my faith in humanity.
Get another lawyer
by: Terry

You have every right to spousal support. Do not sign anything to the contrary. He has no right to your medical/psychological records ever. Don't hand them over.

You need a better lawyer. After 34 years and you not working, you are probably entitled to about 40% of what he makes - forever until you re-marry. Don't let anybody treat you like that. Borrow if you have to, but get a great lawyer and GO! It will cost you up front, but in the end you will win because you are completely entitled.
Terry
Married the man of my dreams, so I thought!
by: Donna

I have known my ex-to-be since we were about 15 years old. He was my best friend. I knew everything about him, all his girlfriends, we would always talk to each other about everything. We always told each other how much we loved each other but we were both afraid of losing our friendship. We went our separate ways and both married other people, but we never lost touch.

He divorced his wife 25 years ago and I divorced mine a year later. We started talking and realized that we really loved each other and had never stopped. Two years later we married. We had the best marriage that anyone could have. He had a young son from his previous marriage who was about one year old.

We had a great marriage for 20 years and then he started acting strange. He started pulling away from me, but I continued to ask him what was the matter and he would say nothing. We got into a fight about three weeks ago and he threw me out of the house and said that he wanted a divorce. He said he loved me and would love me forever, but was in love with another woman. I was so shocked; he hasn't acted like he has ever known me since.

Since then I have filed for a divorce and our marriage is over. But I just don't understand what happened to the man I knew. He changed so much and I just don't understand it. The man I knew was kind and caring and the man he is now is mean and cold. I'm so confused by the whole thing. Anyone have a good reason he would treat me this way?
Thrown away, twice.
by: Patty

Those were my thoughts exactly, thrown away like yesterdays trash. I feel your pain. My first ex threw me away after 12 years of marriage and 3 kids for a woman he had been having an affair with for the last 4 years of our marriage, unbeknownst to me. A very hurtful time for me.

Then, I thought I met my white knight in shining armor, who swooped into my life being oh so helpful and sympathetic. Shortly after we wed, he turned on me, became highly controlling and abusive. After 2 children and trying so hard to make it work for 7 years, he left me when he realized that I would not let him control and abuse me anymore. I feel like one of King Henry's wives, so disposable.

I will have to read the book the other woman recommended, and am working on being happy with what I have, but it still sucks to have been so rejected.

I did get a good attorney (paid by my mom and sister), who has made sure in both cases that I receive the correct amount of child support and maintenance (alimony) along with 1/2 of their retirement earned during the marriages, and other details, being sure that I got every thing that the law allows. I truly hope that by now you've dropped that terrible attorney and are able to obtain from your ex what you deserve.

I was an at home mom too, and it is difficult to get back into the working world. I am leaning on government aid until I can get back on my feet.

I am very sorry that this happened to you. No one should be treated like that, and to have all those losses at once! I personally believe that our rewards will be in our afterlife, when the first shall be last, and the last shall be first. I believe your ex will get what he deserves in the end, and he will be sorry for having treated you so horribly. This life may have many pains and sorrows, but it is short compared to eternity, where you will be forever comforted in God's loving arms. (I hope you don't mind me sharing my spiritual beliefs) I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors!
You can overcome this. I know it!
by: A Woman like you who went through the same thing

I am not at all religious. But I will say this, what saved me was a website/blog called "baggage reclaim" The writer of the blogs is wonderful. She's British. Check her blog.

I also read a book called "Women Who Love Too Much" and I highly HIGHLY recommend this book. This is a book written in the 80s I think by a psychologist and it gets to the root of the problem. It is such an important book

In my case and in a lot of women's case it's a question of self-worth and self-value (I had so little and when he was done with me I had none left. I had no hope and living without hope is terrible)

When I was thrown away, it made me wonder why I had allowed this man to treat me so badly for so long. I had NO boundaries with him. And after researching, reading, studying a lot on self-worth I realized that if I loved myself I would never allow anyone to treat me so badly

I also highly recommend you check the YouTube videos by Bishop T.D. Jakes especially "women thou art loose" and "girl talk 1" and "girl talk 2" these are by his wife and many other women. Bishop T.D Jakes does many sermons just for women. And they are incredible! I said I am not at all religious but these videos/sermons are simply incredible and it doesn't matter if you are religious or not.

Also, Iyanla Vanzant Youtube videos (with Oprah) and books have REALLY helped me. She helps SO many women with relationship problems and self-worth issues

I can tell you this, as soon as you realize what YOU are worth and give yourself the gift of letting that terrible man go, he will want you back but you won't want him because by then you'll know your worth and you'll start spending time only with people who know your worth too

This I know for sure

And you will start laughing and enjoying life. You will look in the mirror and love what you see exactly as you see yourself. You will become creative and start planning things and doing things

And you will say "Thank you for leaving me. It was because you left me that I found myself!"

And when you radiate with that strength, energy and self-value he will try and come back into your life but I promise you, you won't want him

Please, do take a look at baggage reclaim, Bishop T.D. Jakes videos on YouTube (he also comes on Oprah) and see his sermons for women. Check out Iyanla Vanzant and also get a copy of "Women Who Love Too Much" written by a psychologist

There are many more but these are a great place to start

I know you can overcome this

In my case, because every single day I read and watched all videos on the subject of self-worth (every single day), within a year (less actually) I have healed. I don't love the man who threw me away. He means nothing to me at all. And the fact that he means nothing to me, I don’t love him, I don't hate him (hating him would only boost his ego), is what gets him the most

The best 'revenge' has been to love myself. To live life. To laugh. To enjoy myself. To let him go

Beloved, this is how Iyanla Vanzant calls everybody going through a hard time, I know you can not only do this, but you can live a wonderful life. If your 30 something years of abuse held you back, the next 30 something years will be outstanding....let it be so because you deserve it.
Feel the pain
by: Keisha

Wow this could almost be my story!!!! My husband was determined to marry after dating 4 months. We have been married for nearly 3 years. I have done EVERYTHING to show how much I love him. But he wants a divorce. He says I'm a great person but he doesn't love me. And he doesn't want to be married. I am so confused, angry, and hurt! I feel as if all he ever saw me as was a toy to entertain him for a bit. He isn't working so I've been supporting him and this feels like he plunged a knife through my heart! How much more ungrateful and selfish can a man get? I feel used and dirty because the only time he ever talked to me was when he needed something. And he's calling me selfish!!!??????
You have every right to feel sorry for yourself
by: Kim

To Anon, the person who posted the second comment… I despise individuals who think it is so easy just to get over stuff. You must not have a good heart if you are telling this poor woman to stop feeling what she feels. She has every right. I think YOU just come on these sites to push the knife even deeper- you should be ashamed of yourself. I hope nothing ever devastating happens to you because you have no heart!
I don't know what to say
by: Kim

I am so sorry. I really do not know what to say and you have every right to feel angry. I was also thrown out like garbage and possibly on my way out for the second time and I am going mad. Until I walk in your personal shoes, I do not know what living hell you are going through. I’m so sorry. Nobody can really help unless they are willing to help you financially because women suffer not only emotionally but financially.

How in the world can a woman keep her head on straight for a job when everything around her is falling apart and basic needs are not being met? This really stinks!

It’s so easy for these men to just get rid of us. I am partly to blame because my counselor said I was a bad chooser. Never again will I ever get involved with a man. I am going to concentrate on me and my daughter- getting better and slowly healing. These men damage, destroy and devastate. They have no idea, plus they do not care how they ruin our lives.
Me for 28 years
by: katie

My husband and I have been married 28 years, and the past five months I have been wondering why God is punishing me. My husband lost his job due to stealing copper tubing. So he says he was unable to get another job. Thanksgiving he told me he wasn't coming back. He is so angry at himself for getting us in trouble with the law he can’t look at himself in the mirror. I am devastated, actually diagnosed with major depression disorder. I’m not me. I have not worked in 15 years and I have been taking care of my mother who passed Jan.23rd (which he never came to her funeral).

I know I should have been gone years ago due to the mental abuse. For example, my son was killed by a drunk driver and he told me to get over it. Well it’s over because he says it is. He is my whole life. I waited all these years to rekindle an old flame with no one around and I guess I’ll be spending the best part of our lives with myself. Who wants another man? I can’t even fight any more. He tells lies, lies, and more lies. He says he will think about getting back together, but he is lying to get me to shut up and leave him alone. His wish is my command. I’m hoping for him a long life in prison because he deserves it.
Makes 2 Of Us
by: Stacy

Amen and well delivered! I too was thrown out like trash, after 10 years, 8 of them we were best friends. All I can say is I'm the one who will never be the same and had nothing to do with how my life will ride out now. I have nowhere to turn and I will not burden my children. Question is "Did he really ever love me?" I'm convinced men R pigs. Good luck to you.
Ignorant comment by Anon
by: Kat

The person who said "quit feeling sorry for yourself". First of all, don't judge if you have never been in that situation. Second, that is what this web blog is for. Its a way for women to hear other people who have or are, have gone through the same thing.

IF YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING NICE, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL. Your rude comments only makes it worse and makes a woman question they might be over reacting or at fault for the abuse. Which most of them have been struggling with for years already.

We don't look for pity. We just let other women know that they aren't alone.

How about you spend a month with my ex husband and see if you still think we are feeling sorry for ourselves.
Silly Wife
by: RW

We were married in 1980 and in debt, so I decided to get us out of debt with money. Anyways 2 daughter’s later and 33 years of marriage, we are now retired with many millions of dollars in the bank and lots of property. She retired at 49 and me at 56, which was a little bit too early. Anyways while in the USA on holidays my father passes away so I came back instantly. My wife was helping our oldest daughter in her new business. As I am dealing with my father’s death, she files for divorce stating I was not a good husband. I never had affairs, but did work too hard to attain our lifestyle and now this. I wonder; how many other women would love a guy that used his head and body to become successful? Our daughter’s don’t understand but they are backing up old Dad. Any comments on this screwed up situation?
Forgive, Trust God, Move Forward
by: Moving on in Georgia

This is the reason why women work today. I know you think after many years of marriage you know a person, but that obviously is not true. Hang in there ladies, people reap what they sow. It takes time to get back on your feet after a divorce. You are not too old, just think of the new experiences you can have now. Forgive, trust God and move forward.
My husband left me
by: Janice

My husband and I had been married for almost 17 years. I was married before for 22 years to a drunk who was gay. My son is now 34. My mother died and left me a trust, which I told my husband about before we were married, but that it was for my son. He gets railroad retirement and 100% veteran’s disability. He received $175m in August for getting 100% disability. He told me to retire because we didn’t need the insurance anymore; that I could get it through the veterans. 2 weeks after I retired he asked me for a divorce. He told me he would make sure I didn’t get any money from him. He has taken 2 months of money I get from his railroad retirement. I did buy a foreclosed home for my son with my inheritance. Thank god it was big enough for me too.

He has had 3-4 girlfriends and is living with some women out of state right now. It has been 5 months and he hasn’t given me a dime. My lawyer keeps telling me I will turn out ok on the divorce. It seems like we give our lawyers blind faith with the rest of our lives. I soon will be 64. I could get many jobs (I think) but I can’t stand for long periods or walk any distance. His reason for the divorce is he hates my son (he doesn’t want me to see him). He is my only child. He also said I don’t give him enough sex. He feels that it has to include a "BJ" and I have had some health issue but he never cared about that.

When he has been ill, I took care of him. One time I sat for 34 consecutive days in the hospital with him. His ex-wife, son, and daughter all hate me now. I have never cheated on him. With my inheritance from an aunt for 25M I used it on our bills since he was sick from one of his surgeries. With my mom's inheritance, I bought new furniture. I took that with me. I left a new fridge and some special made chairs for the eating counter. Most of the things I took were from my aunt, grandparents, and my mom. He tells everyone I took everything. He fails to mention that a restored muscle car is in the garage, 2 trucks that run, 2 trailers, a Harley trike, a nice regular motorcycle he just had repainted. He also has LOTS of tools.

Has anyone had to deal with the veterans pay or railroad retirement? I am scared and hurt. He has become hateful, but I look at pictures when we got together and it hurts terribly. I wish the divorce was over so I can think about where my life can go. I feel like I am in limbo and can’t plan a future.
Don't Sign those papers!
by: Cindy

In your state of Alabama you have rights. If your husband was the main source of income, he will be obligated to provide spousal support in the manner you were accustomed to. He is being a jerk and is trying to leave you in the cold. Your lawyer seems to just want to get paid without taking you into consideration. If your husband was the sole provider, believe me he will have to pay and depending on your length of marriage he will be obligated to provide for you for a while. Check out your statutes regarding property rights. Do not sign anything that will leave you in the cold.

After 27 years of marriage, I am in a similar situation myself. My husband had a baby on me, he cheats on me with other women and I am stuck for the time being. I am working on my Masters so I can be self-sufficient after we get a divorce. We barely talk to each other and I try to stay focused on me....which is so hard to do. I ask myself why did he do this to me....but as we get older we change. Life just isn't fair...

Like you... I sought counseling. Still do. Talk to people... it might seem embarrassing and hurtful but talking does help. You are going to have to learn how to think differently and that is so hard to do because right now in this instant you can only think about how sad this situation is. You need to surround yourself with others. I joined a group a women who have life-crisis situations. They are not the same issues, but a crisis is a crisis.

You feel bad for yourself and you cry all the time.... I know because I have done it also. I still have times when I cry... allow yourself these feeling and then do something else. I know it is hard to do but you have to so you don’t stay depressed. I know how you feel. You are still looking at how your life should have been and it is so disappointing that it is tearing you apart. I know....I am there. But, as I am finding out... time will allow you to heal. I am now looking forward to my freedom...to be able to live and do as I want to do.

If you have a chance, look on the internet under divorce in Alabama and see what you should be entitled to. In California a standard calculation is 40% of what he makes minus 50% of what I make. The time of paying spousal support is 50% of the time we were married.
Thrown Away Like Yesterdays Trash
by: Anon

Stop feeling sorry for yourself!
Don't give him anything...
by: Gale H.

I would stand my ground! He can't make you give up information between you and your doctor. It's a law... Unless you committed a crime. No way, no way, no way. Don't let anyone tell you different.

I'm about to lose my house and he could care less. He has mommy, but I have no one. But somehow I'll come up on top. Even in death, he has to answer to all of his bad deeds. I'm not even trying to get him to help me, and get his ego fed. Nope, I'm going to do this on my own cause when his mom passes he'll have nothing and no one who will put up with his drunken ass.

God is good and he's the only one I'm going to please. If I need anything I'm going to my father in heaven, since my earthly father has abused me, and my earthly family has turned their backs on me. Me and my fifteen year old will get a spiritual family.. I'll probably be happier than I am here at this moment. No matter how many people I complain to, no one can do it for me but me.

So I surrender my past and can't see the future, so I'm living in the present. I not getting mad at things I have no control of, it’s a waste of good energy. For every one minute I'm mad I’m losing one minute of happiness. And trust me, if you sit around crying, he won't see. He's going out to dinner, laughing, and not giving you a thought. They will be wasted tears. I loved wrong. The next time around, and there will be a next time, I'm finding someone who loves god first. Then I know he'll be able to love me. If you don't know how to love like God, you you'll never know how to love someone unconditionally.

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