He never grew up

by Tracy
(IL)

We have been married for over twelve years and he never grew up. We aren’t divorced yet, but I’m working on figuring everything out so I can do this. My husband lies about everything and is very immature. He doesn't know how to manage our money so I took over that chore. He supposedly forgets almost everything I ask him to do, so I do it. Now I handle almost all the responsibilities and it's getting harder now because we have sons and they are not seeing a "man" as their father. My therapist thinks he may have ADD but at this point I don't care too much. He lies about the smallest things yet he does not trust me.

Comments for He never grew up

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Peter Pan
by: VA

I am so tired. I have been married for 35 years and had 3 children with this man. He has never grown up. This is not from my lack of addressing this problem. He never helped with the house or the children while they were growing up. He has always had a temper from hell. I just don't give a damn anymore. I have nothing left for me. When I confronted him recently about him taking advantage of me, the response I got was, "you're tough". I have cried, bargained, begged for help. He will help right up to the time I am not addressing the problem anymore. He even tells me he would not have stayed.
He's not worth it
by: Mona

My husband is in continual training to be an adult. He's stuck in his mid-teens and he's 64 years old. I can't say I love him anymore. I transitioned into a parent figure not a wife and I resent it. He cries and says he is trying, but I am sick of his stupid babbling. Being responsible all my life and holding two jobs has taken its toll on my health. I’ve come to realize that if I become ill, he will most likely not be able to manage life. I could kick myself for marrying him years ago. Stupid me. Yeah I fell in love with an impostor.
Video Game Addiction
by: Lacy

When we dated and were not living together, I had no idea that he had a video game addiction and a total lack of inclination to help with chores. These are just the reasons on his side. There are MANY reasons why I was at fault but that's a story for another occasion.
13 and counting
by: PracticallyHomeless

So, we’ve been married for 13 years and have four kids. Every other day he tells me he loves me. Then he tells me that there are other women out there that will treat him better. He no longer tells me that he is sorry or that he will quit his costly drug habits. We have been broke the whole time even though I have supported him in his Prison sentences. He promises to change and tries only when it is convenient. We have nothing left to fight for. I have started to emotionally abuse my kids. I hate it. What steps can we take if he is willing? Where do we go for help to save the marriage? Is this marriage? I have no family or friends that can help me and we are practically homeless staying in our RV.
How much is enough?
by: A Man in the same boat

I have serious trust issues, I must. I had my wife's phone and she received a text from one of her girlfriends. Her text to her girlfriend was, "I am just playing along until I have enough to leave"

For her, enough is 100,000.00 dollars. She has a set dollar amount and to be honest, if I had 100,000.00 dollars, I would give it to her to leave. Why? Because I don't think any woman should be in a relationship they feel trapped in.

Here's where I'm clueless (by the way that is what she said as well) "He is clueless, I can't wait to be free". She's tells me she's glad she has me, how much she loves me and even want me to take her to Hawaii to renew our vows (Really! renew our vows). If you are planning on leaving why would you renew your vows? If being with me leaves you miserable, by all means break free. She can have the house or whatever.

But for those of you that are saying you want to be free but are scared to be on your own, you weren't born into the marriage. So ask yourself if I am on my own, is that going to be harder than this marriage? If your answer is yes, by all means leave. Everyone has growing to do in life and the ones that don't grow or the ones that refuse to grow.

I don't advocate divorce. But everyone's accountable for what they give or take in a relationship, Stop blaming... make your decision.
He's a child
by: Sivvy

I’ve been married for 19 years and tried to divorce him 12 years ago but he cried, begged, and stopped going to work. I stupidly gave in and agreed to stay. Now we hate each other, have had physical confrontations, and there is constant emotional abuse, etc. The biggest problem is we now have NO MONEY. He stopped working for 3 years, we are about to lose our house, and our credit is terrible. We are barely surviving on his minimum wage job and my $1500 SSDII, as I am disabled. I cannot live like this, but am stuck in this hell because I will not have enough money to live after divorce. I feel trapped. ANY advice would help.
He never understood the value of married life
by: Still Alive

Girls, my husband is going to file divorce in this month… I hate divorce but he needs his family more than he needs me. He refused to save our marriage as his parents don't like me. He thinks he can get a another wife but not a new set of parents. This is the man I was married to. I have a very hard time now but still I am not dead yet :(
ugh
by: Mel (KY)

After 8 years I saw the light. And now in the midst of this divorce, he is making it out like our children are a big part of his life. The kids even explain that he is asleep most of the time they visit him. Asleep or watching TV. And he is making me out to be the bad guy because when he calls and asks the kids to pack their clothes (doesn't notify me he is taking them over night) then complains to his attorney that the clothes are wadded up in their backpacks, to where he can't use them.
Hidden Depression
by: Tracy (IL)

I started seeing a therapist for myself to better understand what I was going through, my emotions are everywhere and I feel like an eggshell or a jigsaw puzzle most of the time. I am reading Undoing Depression by Richard O'Connor and this book is reading exactly like the past 13 years of my marriage. I think I am ready to make the move and start the divorce process now.
Should I leave him???
by: Dana

Omg... I can't believe there are women who are going through the same things I am. I have been married to my husband for 15 years… He has never been able to provide and I suspect has had a girlfriend for years. I just can't catch him…

He says he loves me, but won't help around the house. I think all he wants is for me to have his children. We have 4 now and he wants to have more. I don't know if I should leave him... or if we have another child maybe that will bring him around. I love him, but I’m just not sure if he is the man for me.
Childish
by: Angel

We all have different problems in our life, obstacles in our way, but when it comes to our family, it's very difficult to tackle and confront the problem.
Very similar issues here.
by: KL

We were married almost 17 years before I told him to leave and wanted a divorce. I, too, have done everything regarding finances, children, etc.
It took two months before he actually left and now says that he did so because "you told me to leave." His television is his god and his mother is more important than me.
He sounds like my husband
by: Kim

There has been a lack of communication and trust in our marriage. He doesn’t respect me, walks over me, and doesn’t help with the kids or their homework. There’s a lot of stuff that he doesn’t do and I am getting tired of doing everything by myself. So I know how you feel.

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