Married me for a green card

by D

I met the man who became my husband in another country and eventually brought him back to the United States. He had a temporary green card and interviewed for a permanent green card on 10/7. Just two weeks later he left me. He complained that I messed up his credit by putting his name on my credit cards so he could get his permanent green card.

He refuses to help me in any financial situations and spent my tax return behind my back. He said if I did not file for him, I would not be getting a return. I went ahead and filed last year’s income tax return for him and a grandson who is not living in this country.

He will not let me know where he is living. He still comes by and asks me to lend him money, but he never repays me. He even pawned my jewelry that I gave to him.

Comments for Married me for a green card

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I feel your pain
by: UsedByMamaBoy

My husband has left me for his mother. I will be cancelling his greencard application

Being Used for Green Card
by: Anonymous

I moved with my boyfriend 5 years ago. His children were awful and the ex-wife was bothersome too. I got stuck since my income was really low at the time. I didn’t feel I could go back to my family as they didn’t think much of my boyfriend. I dreaded coming home and would stay out late and make up excuses. I cried every night in the bathroom as he started to belittle me. A few years later he pressured me to marry him. As we were saying our vows, I was dying inside. I want to scream noooo!! I was stuck with no income to get on my own. It’s not that I lived a bad lifestyle, I was a professional but the economy was horrendous. I just had no way out and he knew it. His children lied and stole from me. They were awful. I excused myself to the bathroom after we exchanged vows just asking "how did I get myself into this situation". My dream was to be with the man of my dreams and have a beautiful wedding with friends and family. Instead, I had a piranha take advantage of the fact that I was in a horrible income and employment situation. Fast forward months later he pushed to go to an attorney to get started with his filing for legal status. I was barely getting on feet and just hoped to start saving to hit the road. Now, I’m stuck again. I wish I had never met this person. I have been used and abused by him, his children, and ex-wife. His son scares me as he’s a very angry individual and was put in jail for assaulting someone. I’m afraid to do anything because I’m scared his son will hurt me. Stupid me, I wish I could have seen this back when I first met him.

I am man but I feel my wife married me for green card
by: Anonymous

I am US citizen who lives outside the USA. My wife is a non US citizen with a b2 visa. Yes my wife originally lived in the USA practically with her b2 visa since she would get 6 months permission to stay in the USA. Here is where I enter the picture. While she was outside the USA because her B2 visa 6 month stay was up, we met online. One of the first questions she asked me when we met was whether I was a US citizen. Anyways we dated for some time outside the USA, until the time when her B2 visa allowed her back in the USA. She went back to the USA on a B2 visa and after some time I followed her and we lived in the USA for some months. She would work as a housemaid for 6 days a week and I would see her on Sundays. She was very interested in money at that time and we would have frequent disputes because of it. Anyways she told me that during sex that the condom bothered her and I thought nothing of it (hint to the clueless when a woman says that the condom bothers her and you don't want children use a different contraceptive or stop having sex). Anyways, she gets pregnant and I wonder if her getting pregnant was part of bigger plan or just a coincidence.

With a baby on the way we got married and have been in a very tumultuous marriage for about 1 year and 11 months so far. We decided to have the baby where the principal caretaker of the baby, my mother lives, outside the USA. My spouse however has during the 1 year 11 month period of marriage always had like a fixation on the USA. Almost every day when she woke up outside the USA she would fixate on the USA and money. My wife refuses to work outside the USA because she says truthfully that the salaries where we live now are low compared to the USA. Since she is focused on the financial aspect, this makes her leave for the USA at least twice a year. She would be extremely unhappy and irritated because of not having money and was not content living with me and my parents, even though having a decent shelter, food and clothes for her and she would also constantly insist that I give her the green card.

My wife is not so nice when raising children, so therefore my mother raises our children and if I give my wife the green card that would mean she would probably immigrate to the USA and being a mother of 2 children, she has another from a previous marriage which now lives with us, probably try or even right out take the children with to the USA, which is what I fear the most because they would suffer under her care in the USA. I refuse to sponsor her green card because I would like to raise our children with my mother who cares for them very well. So I don't know what to do. Sometimes I wonder if the only reason she has stayed in the marriage is because of the green card and or the fact that her other child from another relationship is very problematic and she knows how hard it would be for her to find another partner with 2 little children in tow, especially the problematic one.

So perhaps the only reason she hasn't left me is the green card and the fact that it would probably be very hard for her to find another partner who would put up with her problem child. My wife lies a lot. Family and maids that work with my family have told me that my wife is way too rude. My wife claims to love me but doesn’t treat me as nicely as she does sometimes to her friends.

To the commenter who blasted women and told them to act their age and stop the mommy syndrome
by: Anonymous

Woman....you are about as insensitive as the rats that used these unsuspecting women. You have no idea what it is like....you are the most bitter woman I have ever seen in a forum....

So what is your problem?? That you have to pour salt in the wounds of unsuspecting women? Are you so perfect that it could not happen to you?

Oh you are smart ...right? But you too could have been in a situation like this. These are not uneducated motherly women who want to be Mother Teresa..,... These are WOMEN.....who deserved better that what they got. They were LIED to. USED....then discarded like trash.

These men are very crafty and desperate. And they are the wrong ones....not the victims you have blasted.

These women came here from the pain they have suffered and I can guarantee you that they did not buy into all this suffering. This is not what they were led to believe they were getting.

I read your stories ladies and I validate your feelings. I am the one who tries to catch these users and have caught quite a few. And I have seen and heard it all. It is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with the human emotion of love. But there is nothing more criminal and demonic as using the heart of a woman for their personal gain.

And to Miss Perfect who blasted you women who had the courage to come forth to share to help stop this.....woman....you are an uncompassionate sorry piece of an excuse for a woman that is supposed to be supportive to your gender companions.

Rock on ladies. Karma is a you know what!!!
Love to you all. Stay strong ... life is good.

The Signs are There " just look closely".
by: Life Coach

When I married the signs were there. I choose to ignore them because I was wishing and hoping this man was the one. The speaking in one’s language, secret phone calls, the begging and I love you all the time. Getting you ready for the big meeting, making sure your remember everything. I ignored the signs. If you need person to speak at any upcoming engagement on this topic please contact me. I am in the process writing a book on this topic and maybe be feature on TED Talk. It’s a story you won’t forget. It's powerful, God revealed.

Above commenter is inexperienced
by: Anonymous

These men are the most charming, wonderful, believable people. They give life meaning and sunshine and then BOOM, they get their green card, and its wham bam goodbye. It is devastating and happens right before you could catch it. These men who want the green card, to them their life depended on it, and so they will hurt anyone just to get what they want.

The women involved aren't dumb, but these men are the best and most charming liars. They really know how to pull the rug from under your feet.

I'm only 24 and my husband of 5 years just left me two weeks after we petitioned for his green card. He told me he loved me every 10 min. He hugged me and kissed me, told me we're soul mates, talked about our future children... I found out after he left he was cheating the whole time, hitting on girls (all the ones on the street) where he worked. He went to nightclubs without me... Told me he was staying at his friends who covered up for him. I was in shock. I was not stupid, he was just lying through his rat teeth.

Please take time before marrying a foreigner and even longer to file for their green card petition.
by: Anonymous

I have read and heard too many stories from American citizens who marry foreign nationals, file green card petitions for them, then the foreigner dumps them after they get their green card or citizenship.

Wisdom prompts me to tell Americans marrying foreigners please to consider:

1. Don't rush to marry a foreigner. Know the person at least for a year or more. Rushing and marrying a foreigner is simply stupid. They are dying to come to America, so they will marry you real quick even when they don't love you.
2. Delay filling for green card at least for 2 years while the foreign spouse works in their country
3. Offer or tell your foreign lover you plan on moving to live with them in their country or your own original country of origin (if say you’re originally from Africa, or wherever). This proposal will make a fake love dump you if they are simply marrying you for green card to come to America.
4. You can choose not to file for green card at all. You are not required to. This too will weed those who just want to come to America.
5. Get to know your finance's family and friends, and ask them what type of person your fiancé is. You might learn she or he is not for you to marry.
5. Seek and listen to advice before you marry.

People who get dumped are usually in mad rush and make stupid uninformed decisions.

The whole family is Currupt
by: Anonymous

Marriage should be beautiful meeting of the heart. A commitment to see every life challenges together and to grow just not old together, but grow a future together. My best friend believes in all of that even after being betrayed by her first husband. 9 years later she met a Pakistani who promised her so much. He found her in a venerable time when the grandfather her two kids knew and loved passed away. He married her for a green card but she said no he's coming from Mexico he said he had everything he lied. She paid for all his paperwork, she paid for him to get a job and license as a CNA. He took advantage of her in every way and even had his kids come here for 2 years. When his kids went back he decided he didn't need her no more. The only thing he paid for during this whole marriage was the divorce and my friend went along with it because she says "If he doesn't want to live with me why should I fight it".

Their whole family is like that. His younger brother came to America from Mexico through his sister who sponsored him. They live in San Jose in Section 8 housing with the mother and she makes a six-figure income. Where is the justice?

His older brother has fled to Canada and is using their immigration process to better himself. These people know how to use the system. People should be made aware of this family. He never loved my friend and she paid for everything. At the end he used the fact that she was older than her; that never stopped him before from using her money and ruining her life.

If YOU question your marriage....
by: Anonymous

The day after my husband got his 10yr green card he looked right at me and told me he faked the whole marriage. He said, he doesn't love me and hates Americans. Not much I can do to prove it. Now he is going to get married overseas and bring his soon to be new wife here.

If you are reading this and feel he is using you but not sure, think about it why are you questioning it? Something in your gut is telling you the truth. Ask a friend from the outside what they think and LISTEN to them and don't just brush it off.

If you're questioning if he loves and MIGHT be with you only for his green card...chances are that God is telling you something but you don't want to face the truth because it hurts. But what hurts more, leaving a marriage where someone probably doesn't love you OR staying in it and waiting to find out till he gets his green card and then he divorces you to be with another woman??? Which is worse? Which would hurt more?

ASK a friend from the outside how they see it...LISTEN to them because their heart isn't in it the same as you. They can see it clearly! Friends love each other and only want the best so why would they try and hurt you.

Trust God...Trust friends...Trust your gut and go with it! Good luck!

Someone's bitter
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry that happened to you ladies. As for the woman who felt the need to lecture everyone, you haven't proven anything other than you seem to have some issues. My ex-husband has his green card. He was always abusive, but INS doesn't look for abusive spouses, just spouses. I didn't realize I was being abused until a therapist explained it to me. I am educated, but abuse was what I knew. I went home to figure out what to do, and my ex-husband filed for divorce about a month after his green card came in the mail. To me, the marriage was not a sham, but I think it probably was to him. The timing was just too perfect.

Don't judge
by: Anonymous

Be careful not to judge. You have no idea what women are going through emotionally, financially or physically. The men who do this are charmers who shed their snake skin once they are married. The fact that it happens to men and women alike shows that it can happen to anyone.

He abandoned me after he received his green card
by: Anonymous

My husband abandoned me after he received his green card last year. He has been lying to me saying we will get a divorce so I can move on with my life. I don't understand why he won't divorce me and I just don't understand what the problem is. :(

Shame
by: Anonymous

How did you get the birth certificate?

He had a kid with an ex-wife in his homeland
by: Anonymous

I am a US citizen and was married to an undocumented foreigner 7 years ago. He divorced his wife in his homeland and we got married after his divorce. He has 1 daughter with his ex-wife, age 19. The entire 7 years of being married, we did not live together. His reasons were because of his religion. Then when he finally received his green card, he went home to his homeland to visit his daughter. After he came back here to the US he started acting cold and distant. Then after more than a year, I saw his ex-wife in Facebook with a small child. After some investigating, I was able to get a hold of that child's birth certificate. And guess who the father was?
MY HUSBAND!

if you divorce,
by: lucy

I believe that (ask a real lawyer – I’m not one) if you divorce before 2 years of marriage he will not become a citizen and could have his green card revoked.

he married me for a green card
by: Anonymous

Well, I will start by saying some women need to stop being stupid. Second, you also need to take your fair share of the blame. I say this because I know 2 couples right now as we speak, who are divorcing and one got a green card and the other one didn’t. This happens when people just start to live together before they even know what the other person is like. And third, no one can make you get anyone a green card. If you did it was for your own reasons. And to keep a man that I am sure you knew didn’t want to be with you, but at the time being with him made you look and feel good in front of the world. But now that you got him a green card, you want to say it was his entire fault and all the other stuff that you now want the world to believe. You already knew that he took your money. Didn’t take care of you and yes that even now per your own words, he comes around some time and he puts a gun to your head to give him money. Oops, did I forget that this is the same man that you still give sex and money too. And you are complaining about now.

It’s time women everywhere start to first be responsible, second, act your age, and third stop blaming the world for your lack of good decisions.
If you’re not educated, get an education. If you are educated, help some of these stupid women who have mommy syndrome and don’t want to grow up.

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