His cyber affair and online addiction

by Anon 39 year old woman

We have been married for 20 years. I found out after the first year of marriage about his massive p*rn collection (hundreds of magazines and video tapes). We discussed it at that time and he said he'd cool it. That never happened. But he did get a lot better at lying and hiding it though.

Then, along comes the internet and he moved his addiction online.

Our once great love life dwindled to almost nothing (maybe 1x per quarter or so). After discussion, he revealed that he'd been staying late at work for over 5 years watching smut. On top of that, he stayed up until 5 am most nights watching it and wouldn't come to bed. He admitted to "cleaning" our computer so I wouldn't find out about his surfing habits at home.

He also admitted to going to an Asian massage parlor (this was a week after the death of my mother!).

There was also the texting, Facebook chat, and secret phone calls with an old high school crush that eventually led to real life meet-ups (yes, she knew he was married). When I found out, he blamed it all on his "hatred" of me.

A few months later, I found risque photos of his employee that he had stolen; in that group of pictures was a photo of them kissing.

He is:
Emotionally cold and distant,
Physically absent from our sexual relationship,
Constant lying about even trivial things, and
Lying by omission (which has become very common)

After tracking his computer habits, I discovered his p*rn usage was 20 - 30 hours per week, most of that was of the "forced" or abusive type, or featured a cheating spouse.

He became more isolated, never wanted to go out, and questioned me every time that I went somewhere for a few hours. Eventually he accused me of cheating on him for years (while I had a 3 and 5 year old underfoot no less!).

I have never had any problems with adult movies or sexuality in general. Now I don't want a it anywhere near me.

Comments for His cyber affair and online addiction

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Ignored the warning signs for too long
by: Nicki

I am in the process of divorcing a man who has an addiction to online smut and sex. Although I caught him browsing personal ads on Adult Friend Finder and sending messages to people, I still forgave him when he said he had stopped. You know where this is going, right? It progressed to affairs with co-workers, draining our savings account within a month to pay for prostitutes, and blaming me because my drive wasn't as high as his. We reconciled when he went to Sex Addicts Anonymous and claimed that he was in recovery.

Fast forward to a few years later, he's stopped going to his meetings. He started blaming me again for everything wrong in our marriage and criticizing and belittling me constantly. Over the past month, I've dealt with the secretive clicking on his laptop, and his "working late", and his need to "work on the weekends", and his lying about inconsequential things; and all of his stress from leading a double life finally drove me to file. An addict is likely to relapse. A narcissist addict will find a way to lay the blame at your feet.

I am facing a future that is uncertain by divorcing him, but the only thing I am certain about is that finally leaving this abusive situation will make me less stressed, less fearful, and less sad over the long run. Stay strong and believe in yourself.

Infidelity & Cyber Addiction
by: Rebecca

My husband entered into our marriage with an undisclosed addiction to explicit online videos. He had a month-long affair with a co-worker about 3 years into our marriage, which he confessed to about a year later, along with his cyber addiction. I forgave him and put parental controls on our computer.

I was diagnosed with a serious chronic genetic condition, which led to reduced ability to exercise, and medications that made me gain weight. My husband became increasingly verbally/emotionally abusive, telling me I was fat and unattractive.

11 years into our marriage, he started an affair with a different co-worker. He told me he didn't love me anymore and moved in with his mistress, but tried to hide the affair from me. I found out about the affair and his mistress from mutual friends. While we were still legally married, he got his mistress pregnant.

His secret addiction
by: Kay

After over 20 years of marriage, I found out husband was secretly viewing this garbage almost from day one. Over the years it escalated into paying for prostitutes. I’m waiting for my child to graduate high school next year as I am unemployed and feel trapped. I am counting the days until we can file and get the process started. Desperately trying to go back to school to improve my job prospects.

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