His cyber affair and online addiction

by Anon 39 year old woman
(NC)

We have been married for 20 years. I found out after the first year of marriage about his massive p*rn collection (hundreds of magazines and video tapes). We discussed it at that time and he said he'd cool it. That never happened. But he did get a lot better at lying and hiding it though.

Then, along comes the internet and he moved his addiction online.

Our once great love life dwindled to almost nothing (maybe 1x per quarter or so). After discussion, he revealed that he'd been staying late at work for over 5 years watching smut. On top of that, he stayed up until 5 am most nights watching it and wouldn't come to bed. He admitted to "cleaning" our computer so I wouldn't find out about his surfing habits at home.

He also admitted to going to an Asian massage parlor (this was a week after the death of my mother!).

There was also the texting, Facebook chat, and secret phone calls with an old high school crush that eventually led to real life meet-ups (yes, she knew he was married). When I found out, he blamed it all on his "hatred" of me.

A few months later, I found risque photos of his employee that he had stolen; in that group of pictures was a photo of them kissing.

He is:
Emotionally cold and distant,
Physically absent from our sexual relationship,
Constant lying about even trivial things, and
Lying by omission (which has become very common)

After tracking his computer habits, I discovered his p*rn usage was 20 - 30 hours per week, most of that was of the "forced" or abusive type, or featured a cheating spouse.

He became more isolated, never wanted to go out, and questioned me every time that I went somewhere for a few hours. Eventually he accused me of cheating on him for years (while I had a 3 and 5 year old underfoot no less!).

I have never had any problems with adult movies or sexuality in general. Now I don't want a it anywhere near me.