He was a mommas boy

by Z. lugo
(NJ)

My ex was a momma’s boy who never cut the apron strings. His mom criticized me all the time because she thought I was too young for him. And he never stood up for me. After 18 years of marriage, I couldn’t take it anymore and filed papers for a divorce.


During our divorce he got engaged to be remarried. He did not want parental custody of the three kids, but fought with me about his pension and refused to pay alimony. I could not afford a really good attorney, and was not advised that he could have to pay for my attorney’s service. During the settlement of my divorce, my attorney told me that he could not continue to come to court unless I was willing to pay more money. I was in such duress that I walked away from the alimony and the pension, and settled on child support only.

Well, now I am losing my house. My kids are college students, not full time but unemployed and he stopped paying child support. When I filed for a motion --I could not afford to send it certified so it was hand delivered, he did not show up. In the meanwhile I have had no income for the past two months and had to apply for food stamps, seek help from the local churches to help pay my utilities, and received food from the food pantry.

My ex is a homicide detective earning about 105K with all the overtime he wants, yet he refuses to help out. He feels that he’s done enough and I should take any job and figure it out myself. I lost it and told him to take all three kids. I am not going to be homeless and then have him take the kids, so just take them now.

Can I modify the decree to get the pension I gave away for the custody of the kids? He has money and I am not able to provide for myself. I should not be put on the street after 18 year of marriage. He drove me insane, turning all my kids against me and making them promises of a new car and my 20 year daughter her own apartment which he is willing to pay for. My youngest child is special needs. He is taking my kid away from me to give to the woman who hates me for marrying her son.

How can I survive this nightmare? How can one person be so hateful and want to hurt the mother of his kids?

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He never cut the apron strings
by: Chrissie

Hi, by the way I married my childhood friend from back in the days. We went to church together and his mom never wanted him to marry me. She was losing him to an awesome family and she could not stand it. But you see, he never cut his strings from her and left our home and family for his mommy. But he will never be happy again and you can count on that.
Pure mamas boy
by: Suzanne

I married a man that always chose older women, he always talked about how he always wanted to make his "mama" proud. I found out his mother was very selfish and didn't give her boys much love. My luck, she moved near us. That was the beginning of the end, he was already cheating with another older woman. His mother paid 100% of his divorce fees from me. But thank God, I got out early. Their entire family is dysfunctional with the mother running everyone's lives. He's a law enforcement officer and I see why he entered that field. He NEEDS reassurance that he's important, especially from women. I must say I was fooled, I married a loser!!!
Mama's Boy
by: Stella

Since the day we got engaged, it became more about him than us. I come from a well-known rich family, so it seems it was more about marrying into the family than marrying me. It hit me once we got married, he ran away from his responsibilities and I ended up paying almost all the bills.

Meanwhile he and his mama would talk behind my back 24/7, and she would try and control my house. When I refused to give into their deceitful ways, he would give me a silent treatment for days or threaten me. As if that was not enough he started cheating 4 months after our wedding, so I just packed my bags and divorced his whole family.

He was and forever will be a deadbeat mama's boy, thank GOD I left him early. We invest so much in these useless men and forget that we deserve to be loved and respected. Men are selfish beings, and in order to have balance in any relationship, women need to learn to be selfish as well.
Mommas boy
by: Cindy

It hasn't happened yet, but my decision is coming! We (my four kids and I) are not his priority, only his mother and father! He comes home from his mother’s at around 10:00 pm every night, when the kids are already in bed or asleep! I recently went part-time and not making any money, so I can't help him pay half the bills like he is used too! He doesn't want to pay them at all. His excuse is he doesn't have any money! His pay check goes straight to his mother. She controls his money, and spends it making her house look like a "mansion" like people have called it! I'm done!
Same Thing here
by: Madelyn

My husband is purely a mama boy. I have to say he is not just a mama’s boy, though. It’s his whole family; it’s like their childhood days. It didn’t change because of marriage. I am an outsider to them. I do not know anything about what they do. My sister-in-law knows everything about my husband’s finances (as she used to know before our marriage). Even after 15 years of marriage I do not know anything about my husband. They bribe relatives from my father's side and mothers side with gifts (so that they would not stand on our side). It’s almost like I’m married, but all alone. Physically, my husband is with me. But mentally, he is with his parents and sis.
I want to divorce the Mama's boy
by: At the End of My Rope

I've been married to a momma’s boy for 3 years now. I keep fooling myself thinking that he will change, but he never will. He has become abusive and cursed me and dragged me out and choked and slapped me already, all because of his mom mostly. I live in their house because he refuses to leave. We have a baby and it's harder for me to leave now because I won't be able to work and give her a comfortable life. Now he would leave me alone and take my baby and go spend time with his parents. He doesn't care about me and my feelings. I hate him and I don't know how much longer I can stay here. Sometimes I feel suicidal because I am all alone and they have money, so they would be able to bribe and turn my child against me. I feel so helpless.
He always thought his parents were right
by: Sharia

I married my college sweetheart after a lot of problems. Initially, his family didn't want it and then after a year they agreed and he said they seemed happy with the marriage. My problems started exactly one week after when we started living with my in-laws.

My mother-in-law would be cold most of the time towards me. But, I thought she will get better. I wanted to learn cooking buy my mother in law said I needed to practice it on my own and there is no need for classes.

My ex-husband would try everything so that he doesn’t have to spend time in the house. Go out with his friends, talk to his friends on phone, watch TV. We would always sleep at different times. Later, four weeks into the marriage, he started trashing me that I didn't hang up his clothes. He abused me verbally and told me to get out of the house because I am not respectable. I tried to leave, till my mother-in-law forced me back in.

I cried for a week but still stayed there. Things started getting rough. For him, it wasn’t bad because he would be at work and then hang out with his friends every day. We spend almost two to three hours together watching TV or being intimate, nothing else. My mother-in-law would then judge me for everything I did and poison him as soon as he came back from work.

I left him once and he never asked me to come back When I talked to him he listened. But no one in the house would talk to me because I left the damn house. The final day his mother again forced him to say bad stuff about me...like how I do not want to make my place in this house. He scolded me so much and abused me that I left and waited for him to make a move. He never did.

My parents tried to talk to his parents to sort matters out, but they instead sent me divorce papers.
My ex was a mama's boy too
by: Karla

"My ex was a momma’s boy who never cut the apron strings. His mom criticized me all the time because she thought I was too young for him. And he never stood up for me. After 18 years of marriage, I couldn’t take it anymore and filed papers for a divorce."

That's pretty much the same situation for me. I divorced him and it was finalized this month. Not only did he not stand up for me, he wanted his parents to live with us forever. They had stayed with us for 6 months. When they are around, no one else exists. Whatever mommy says, that's law in her son's eyes. I was tossed aside like a 3rd class citizen. I couldn't stand it and it was the longest 6 months of my life. I feel like I am better off now. At times I still get really frustrated thinking about because he honestly made me believe and think I was a bad human being. I know how you feel.
You can do it yourself!
by: A

You don't need a lawyer to file motions. All the information and forms are on the internet for your discovery to get back what you lost. Depending on the amount of time that has passed since General Judgment is what will determine the direction you will need to go first.

All the forms are also available at the courthouse. You may feel that you need an attorney to protect you, but you don't. You just need to know who you are. "Fire when fired upon". You are the one who knows everything. This automatically gives you upper-hand in a win-win situation for yourself and your grown children.

You can do it. I am not an attorney and so far since August I have won everything in my divorce.
Ex's Attorney is at this very moment is attempting to modify the temporary child and spousal support award. The psycho husband hasn't given his 4 children or me a penny and is now 3 months in arrears. I also won exclusive possession of the house and Ex is ordered to get the house out of arrears and pay all the Dental surgery cost for his 7 & 5 yr. old.

Like I said, "You Can Do It" - "Get it all Back & more" - GO FOR IT AND LEARN WHO YOU ARE!
P.U.S.H
by: Marcus A.

First I want to say that I am sorry to hear your unfortunate story. I think that your ex is wrong for not assisting you with your needs and turning your kids who you gave BIRTH to against you. I don't have any legal advice for you but I can tell you what works for me and what I recommend for you is to P.U.S.H.

P.U.S.H stands for Pray until Something Happens. I will pray that everything works out for you and that you get the answer that you are looking for. You deserve much better than what he is giving you and I am pretty sure you will find it.
Divorce problem
by: Angie S

I got divorced because my ex-husband didn't love me. He left me and now I am better off, but I am wondering what my problem is. What could I have done differently? Wasn’t I good enough? And I’m confused about my emotions. Sometimes I hate him and sometimes I miss him. I blame myself about my mistakes and I can't forgive myself or others. I also have another problem too. It makes me annoyed when I think about the intimacy that I used to have with him.
Leave that man
by: Me

It's good that you left that guy. He is worthless. As for you, I hope that you can make through this awful experience. I wish you the best.
You're not alone
by: Jayde

I empathize with you - my "husband" is the same way. I was empowered by my therapist to realize that I was acting like the victim. And I was. Instead of being depressed about his actions towards me, I was given ideas of how to take his control away. He didn't like that at all.

I don't know you're entire situation, but hold your head up, look for help (the YWCA has legal advisors), and do not let him know that you are in his control, which will only give him more power over you. Research online and call lawyers (some will give you info pro bono). Take back control of your life. You will feel so much better. You can do it, stop thinking that you "can't" do this or that because you CAN!

There is a domestic violence group on Face Book called H.O.P.E., where they will help you. But you have to do the work yourself. They will supply you with information and support. God bless you and know that you WILL get through this.

I'm not yet through it yet, only beginning with the first few steps. I will have been married 31 years next month. I wish I had seen the emotional abuse much earlier. Like his supporting his mother instead of me, wondering if I am imagining it or if it’s all in my head, etc. Remember that you are NOT the only one going through this and there are people out there that do care.
Move on
by: Traci M.

I agree with Ramona. That guy is a real wiener! I feel sorry for you Z :(

Hope that you can make it through.
He's a real "wiener"
by: Ramona

My story is similar where I had my own house before we married. He did as well. The profits from selling my house were put into another house and we finally had a house over our heads, but he was bound and determined to keep it. Turns out, using my money from the house I had before.

He acts like it’s a 50/50 split but lies about car parts sold that were his which were stored in an attic at his grandmother’s (I lived there too, and there is no attic.) All parts were acquired during our marriage. How they can ruthlessly lie to their child’s mother. But my stepson's mother visited her son in MY house and spent the night. It was weird. I think my ex has never gotten over the cheating snake. I asked him who she slept with - him or his son (that's another saga to this nightmare).

My new saying is, "You don’t really know them until after a divorce." It's scary. I trust only myself to get through this life, thanks to the betrayal from the last person I would suspect turning on me. The small bit of property he tricked me into trading for a million dollar house is being tax defaulted, as I had no clue he never paid the property taxes on it.

He sold the classic cars we had and now says he had them before we married. He’s lying to someone who found the cars as we were partners. I'm beginning to think his son is a cover up for his real obsession - his ex. He dropped off some of my stuff and in the pile of pictures there were some of his son, his son’s school work from grade school and ceramic pottery his son made, as well as a picture of his first son, who passed at 27 months old. He is too gung ho to even see his priceless photos being tossed out. I even had an envelope with his son’s first haircut. I’m giving them to him with a note, mind you.

Anyway, there is a court form called, "Motion to enforce judgment of decree". I finally found some form that suits my situation; it may be of interest to you as well. It requests a judge make a court date to order him to pay up his depts. It also gives you the opportunity to include anything he purposely left off the assets list. I won’t give up as it is a lot of money he’s trying to steal. Good luck to you and don’t let the slime ball get away with it.

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