Lying and porn addiction

by A
(WA)

Porn addiction and the associated lying and secrecy were the main reason for our divorce.

There was also passive aggressive behavior, including withholding sex and affection when I didn't do what he wanted.

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Have hope (from an addict)
by: Anonymous

Have hope. Unfortunately, men are stubborn. I denied the absurd idea that I could be addicted to porn. I got my degree in molecular biology and have learned to do research. My fiancé was the first to find the issue in our relationship. I couldn't fathom the idea that watching something on my phone could separate us. I am now feeling ignorant and ashamed.

Porn fires of various pathways in the brain and begins to use the part of your brain involved in instant gratification. It's the same process as drugs. It is an addiction. Not only that, it will make a man lose his affection and even his happiness... because it is an addiction.

For the men out there reading this, take the time to just Google what a porn addiction does to the brain. If you want to be happy and you truly want to be with the love of your life, do this or you will lose everything.

For the women, try to help them understand and be prepared for stubbornness. It is the same process as a drug addiction, no matter if they do it once a week or once a year it still causes the same response. But have hope. Coming from a man who doesn't want to lose the love of his life. That man you love is still there but he has to learn on his own what he is truly doing to his brain.

Something has to change!!
by: Michael

Reading all of these posts about confrontation, disgust about these men, and everyone running away. Ugh... Where is the empathy, compassion, and the desire to help these sick men get the help that they desperately need?? I was addicted to masturbation and porn and lied about it for 30 years. I was never abused or exposed to sex at a young age. I never learned or figured out how to deal with feelings or emotions and was so afraid of being rejected self-gratification became what gave me my release starting at age 12, before I even had a clue except it felt good. Years of this acting out warped my reality of what I was doing and it all became normal in my mind. A year and a half ago I was finally able to admit who I really am, the freedom is amazing. After admitting, researching, therapy, and reconnecting with God I am able to recognize the truth of what I was doing. Unfortunately, because of how much my wife of 15 years was deceived she was unable to stay with me. I now really struggle daily learning to deal with actual rejection luckily I have God, support by caring men, and tools to help me recognize my emotions and rejection and respond in a healthy way in order to stay away from porn and masturbating. Porn jacks with our brains before we know it. It takes a minimum of 90 days of staying away from any sexual stimuli before the brain begins to heal. IT CAN BE DONE!! We really need support. Most of us men do not realize the pain we are causing our significant others or ourselves. It is not because we don't care it is the fact that we are sooo lost. Please find a way to get us help, WHATEVER it takes. I hope that I can save at least one marriage, because I am tired of seeing so many destroyed. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE STOP leaving us when we need you the most and find a way to lead us to freedom. We must stop leaving our wounded to die and start rushing to their aid if we want to be able to beat the porn industry and stop divorce.

Liars and Weak
by: Anonymous

Men who indulge in internet porn on a regular and obsessive basis are weak and selfish excuses for human beings. They pretend to be helpless to control themselves, then claim it's turned into an addiction. Bull! They made a choice, and that choice was not for their wife or girlfriend. As if their significant other never had an opportunity to cheat on them yet resisted the impulse! Lies, that's all these losers know. They swear they won't do it again, as they bide their time, hoping you'll trust them and never check up on them again. When the obvious presents itself yet again, the clues you recognize from their past use and deceptive cover-ups, you try to convince yourself you are being paranoid. It simply could not be! These self-centered, hedonistic men are only too happy to validate your seeming paranoia by telling you it is all in your imagination. "Gaslighting" is their specialty. Ladies, if you are not already married to this lying loser, run now while you have the chance. If you are unfortunate enough to be married to them, disregard their litany of lies and promises. Run like hell! That's what divorce lawyers are for.

Similar story
by: Anonymous

I am 28 year old and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I never really cared either way for porn and have even watched it myself in the past, I felt neutral about it before this relationship. Then I slowly started seeing websites open on his phone and still didn't care or think much of it. Then one day I was on our computer (shared) and in the browser history there were ads for Craigslist "connections and personals" section. Turns out he had been responding to personal ads, sending body pictures and I found out he was a member of multiple dating sties and would message girls. Well he told me he didn't need that crap and was "just looking ". I didn't see anything else like that as far as personals and Craigslist ads for a long time so I thought that was just nonsense in the beginning of the relationship.

Well it turns out he has continued to view porn this entire time. We have had countless fights, broken promises time and time again of quitting, discussions of addiction and everything under the sun. I developed severe anxiety, never wanting to leave the house because of this, and when I do leave for school (I’m a college student) I feel anxious the whole time I'm gone. I rush to get home and never go out with friends or do anything really because I feel like I always have to be at home. We just moved into a home together and had it all remodeled. I stupidly wanted a fresh start here but I should have known that these behaviors continue no matter where we are at. Last night I came home early from class and go into our bedroom. He was in the bathroom but his phone was lying on the bed. I turn it on and right away an open tab with porn on it, right there.

He has a 7 year old boy, as well that I am a stepmother to full time, so I have a full plate. I have a hard time concentrating on my studies and was just accepted into university to begin my bachelor's program. I should be excited and focused on that but all I can think about is if my boyfriend is watching porn behind my back every time I leave the house. I feel gross and unattractive and my self Esteem has hit an all-time low. We were actually doing really good for a few months, I didn’t feel like he was watching porn (I don't actually know that but everything just felt so normal and different in a good way) I was finally gaining self-confidence and feeling genuinely happy which had been a long time since I have felt truly at peace. Then last night happened and it's like the rug has been pulled out from under me and I'm back to this cycle of self-hatred and anxiety. I struggle to sleep at night as well and have bad dreams about infidelity. I'm too young to be this stressed out 24-7. I can't don't this anymore.

We are one of many
by: Catherine

I spent an unfortunate three hours looking at porn the other night to cement what I know of pornography. I cried, I gagged and I felt for all who have been hurt by this dehumanizing behavior.

I have had two broken marriages, both ending because of porn addiction.

Each time our porn-addicted husband's click on this they are fueling the industry, which is bad enough, but they are also fueling child pornography. They are fueling violence against women and children. They are fueling sex-trafficking. And the list goes on.

And it sucks that the person on the receiving end wants more than anything to have a great marriage based on love, respect and intimacy. All of which is lost in the world of porn.

I hope our world changes and our men can once again be good men, the men that we need and the men that our children need.

Punch your fist in the air to know that you are part of a group of women who care and who realize that porn destroys.

All the best. Take care of yourself. We are one of many! xo

Dishonesty
by: Anonymous

I knew that my husband had struggled with porn in his past, but was naive and really wanted to believe it was kicked for good. I even asked him multiple times before getting married. Fast forward post-partum with our only kid. He started acting like he would die of no sex. Mind you, even if I did want to, I couldn't because I was still healing from the birth. I started feeling objectified and was going through major post-partum depression. He started not wanting to come home and started ignoring some of my calls (this guy usually always answers his phone). He started getting vague about work and was being scolded at work for not doing his work. Well found out months later why. He was masturbating to porn at work for who knows how many hours. I wouldn't have even found out. But I was going to counseling and brought up past trust issues and that he did have a past struggle with it. So, my counselor suggested asking him about it. She was thinking more like, he would reassure me and then our marriage could be stronger. Ha, that would have been really nice. But nope, he did say no, but I got this sinking feeling and when he didn't even look me in the eyes. I kept asking and he kept lying until barely more than a whisper he admitted it. I felt so hurt and betrayed. No wonder something felt so off and he was objectifying me...now we don't have sex nearly as much and when we do, it's usually me making the effort and I can't help but wonder if his mind is on those girls the whole time. The thing is, I have a higher libido for a woman and I desire the closeness. But it feels empty. It's been 2 years since I found out. I have an accountability app on his phone and told him that he needs to go to an accountable group. He sometimes goes and I want to believe that he's not just making up excuses for when he doesn't go. When things pop up, he claims it's an accident... and I can't believe him. But I want to because we use to be so happy together. Other than this addiction, he's a pretty good guy. But can I live like this, wondering when the next relapse will happen? If he will ever overcome this? If he will even be honest with me if he's tempted? Will there ever be healing? Will the pain ever go away?

Been Gaslighted Too Long
by: Anonymous

Get out if you can. If your man is addicted to porn, he likely has emotional problems and your relationship will continue to get more toxic then you'll both be sick. I could have written many of these posts myself - I've been through so many of these scenarios and felt all the same feelings that have been expressed here. Do not let his selfish, narcissistic and dirty habit rob you of your youth, beauty, sanity, self-respect and self-esteem for one more day. And don't, for one minute, believe that it is you that has the problem or that you're imagining things. That's called being gas-lighted. Your heart won't lie to you - if you sense it and having a knowing, you need no more "proof". Stop looking for it and trust your God-given intuition. Oh, and run. Run far.

I don't know if he's even telling the truth anymore
by: Anonymous

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I told him how I felt about porn a few months shortly after dating. He then made a promise to me he would never look at it again. I don't like porn for personal past reasons. I've been sexually abused and I’m very self-conscious. Anyways, I recently found out he lied to me that entire year. Not because he told me, but because I found out on my own. He's lied to me about everything about it. I have ptsd, and when I found out last year my heart was absolutely shattered. Since then he has told me he has stopped, I have checked website history and his cookies and can't find anything. He said he didn't know how to delete the cookies. But I don't believe him. My problem is he has lied to me and hurt me for so long that I don't know if he's even telling the truth anymore.

Faked illness to watch porn
by: Anonymous

My husband is addicted to porn and I'm stuck in the marriage. We've been married 12 years, and have not had sex in 11 years. The last time we had sex was when our 10 year old twins were conceived. I had a rough pregnancy and was on pelvic rest nearly the entire duration. After the kids were born I made passes at my husband several times/ week for at least 3 years. He turned me down every time. Some excuses were that he didn't want me to get pregnant again, so I tried 2 different IUDs with terrible side effects, oral birth control, and I bought him an extra-large box of confines for Christmas one year. They were never used.

Over the last 6 months or so, my husband started claiming near-daily migraine headaches. He would come home from work, lie down in bed, and I would let him rest in privacy. I walked in on him masturbating to porn on his phone approximately 1 month ago. I didn’t say anything, because I was so hurt. The next day when he came home from work with a migraine I realized he was doing it again. I then decided to enable parental controls on his phone, but since I do not know his phones password I had to wait until he left his phone unattended and unlocked. I was able to enable parental controls about 3 weeks ago. Miraculously, his daily migraines stopped after 2 "false alarm" headaches, where he claimed a migraine was setting in, but as soon as he laid down with his phone and was unable to watch porn his headaches magically went away. He hasn't had a single migraine since then. I'm devastated. I don't understand why he prefers this fake world to real me, who is desperate for some affection.

I've been a homemaker since I became pregnant, and I have no money of my own. I can't afford to leave him. I'm trying to get back into the workforce so I can eventually leave, but it is very difficult. And how can I stand to live with him in the meantime?

God
by: Amy

I now believe that only God can save my husband. I have gone to therapy, I have recorded him, I have videotaped him, and I have looked at his underwear. He is terribly shameful and carries that around with him everywhere. He believes he is less of a person because of his shame. I saw an amazing film called The Heart of a Man. It is my belief these men have been abused in some way and until they hit rock bottom, nothing will change except for a deeper concentration on hiding the shame. My husband is dark and he is needy and he is looking for validation through other woman, through building an ego so big others will see a strong powerful man instead of the weak, insecure, and shameful 6 year old he never developed properly. His parents abused him.....he was given no praise...and I suffer because of his parents lack of responsibility. I say pray, get in the word, and give it over to God. If you have no faith.....divorce.

Three strikes he is out.
by: Anonymous

My soon to be ex-husband is a porn addict. He will not change even after countless times of telling me that he would. It destroyed his business, our marriage and my ability to trust. Each time he got caught he just got better at hiding it and seeking it out. We were together nearly 25 years and married for almost 23 years when the final straw came. Four years ago he allowed me to put a parental control on his work computer and we agreed on no internet at home, but he was so sick he went and sourced it in his brother’s office on the general work computer. He is so sick and so caught up in his lies and deceit, that he does not see his own problem or care. He blames me and then uses this poor excuse in his head to give him a reason as to why he does it. I will never get the sick images out of my memory, the only good thing is he too suffers ED. Ladies these men will never change, don't let them take what little you have left. S

He doesn't realize the problem
by: Anonymous

I am in the "looking for lawyer" divorce phase. My spouse has always had some involvement with porn, but I did not realize until about the past 5 of 16 years how bad it had gotten. He only wants porn-style sex, which began as a "happy anniversary" thing and now is demanded every single time we enter the bedroom. Then, nothing I would do sexually was good enough anymore, it didn't look like the computer that's why! Forget intimacy or sexual acts that the woman might enjoy. Now he's at phase that he won't have regular v-j sex unless he gets his porn fix first. If I refuse, no sex period. I'm too young to live like this and I stayed for years due to the children. And ladies, whatever you do, don't try to "fix" this by becoming more like porn girls. That is like bringing home dope for an addict. It only gets worse and worse and the next thing you know he has ED anyway, and your health is permanently damaged.
The worst thing is, he feels the porn is not a problem, and that I am boring and repressed and am that way because of my "bible beating" family. Funny how none of my exs ever complained. Just him. IT DOESN'T GET BETTER WHEN THEY ARE UNWILLING TO CHANGE.

Porn Destroyed My Marriage!
by: Anonymous

I was married for 35 years before I finally had enough of my husband’s porn, young female friends, and lies! We had 2 children; a son who died 4 years ago to a very rare cancer at 37. My ex was not there for his son while he was dying! And when my son passed away, his own father was not even at the funeral home while our son was cremated. It just kills me inside the way my ex treated his own flesh and blood. We have a daughter, she’s 38 and has 3 beautiful kids. She is addicted to meth, pain pills, and Xanax! I hate addiction; it’s a beast from hell! Porn destroyed my marriage, our intimacy, and any affection that we use to have. We were high school sweethearts and he was my first love. We’ve been divorced for 8 years now and his addiction to porn only got worse after the death of our son.

Porn addiction needs to have a voice for the public to hear loud and clear! It’s a disease of the brain and definitely changes a loved one’s behavior and thinking process in a destructive path of cheating, lying, and detachment from the human race ....God bless you all for having the courage and strength to do the right thing… I still love my man but, not enough to continue in a toxic relationship with a broken heart!

I agree... but
by: Anonymous

I know that these men have done you wrong so many times. You feel betrayed, humiliated and guilty for not preventing such catastrophic behavior. However, with all due respect, these men, whom you call pigs, are also victims of an alarming addiction that is being caused by porn. Especially in the "information age" we live in! Most of us (because I also used to be addicted) are using this free and accessible escape from our realities, where we think we are wanted or safe away from the ghosts of our past- our childhood traumas. Like any other drug it changes you (psychologically and also alters the biochemistry of the brain). The addictive behavior does not end at porn, gradually it extends to any form of escapism as a coping mechanism. In conclusion, we need your help. We need to confess to our addiction. The only way to make that possible is for people to get properly informed and for everyone to show understanding and seeking help, judgement from peers only works to strengthen the addiction because a side effect of heavy porn use is deep shame! Instead of lashing out in ignorance, inform yourself and understand that you're not the only victim.

63 year old porn addict
by: Anonymous

I discovered my 63 year old husband was obsessed with porn accidently. He spent any time he had on my computer supposedly searching for jobs, getting up early in morning and going to bed all hours of the night. I was having a problem with my computer. My 28 year old daughter had a look at it and found an endless amount of horrific porn sights involving young people many under age. Guys with guys. Girls with girls and men constantly raping the same woman. My husband blamed my grandson but he wasn’t even here at the time. So my husband had to admit to it. Then he blamed me. Said he didn’t think I wanted sex, which was so untrue. He must have been like it all his life. Our wedding night was the most disappointing of my life and we go months at a time without any and then it’s only a couple of minutes. Even at my age, l long to have a normal sex life with someone I love. I have children in my care and they could have seen all the filth he didn’t bother deleting off my computer.

lies lies and more lies
by: Anonymous

Our relationship was great the first 6months. Then I found all his porn stash. I tried to be supportive and understanding and told him I didn't have an issue with the material, but what I did have an issue with was what it was doing to our relationship.

He promised me faithfully he would stop but my gut instinct would tell me different. I started to have an unhealthy obsession looking at his phone, hiding places where he thought was safe to keep his secret away from me. I always found it.

Tonight was the last straw after 6 years together and nearly 2 years of no intimacy at all I found his dad's sticky magazine collection and told him I want him out of my life. He is 52yrs and I am 47. I told him he is sick in the head and a pervert I just got so angry. I am sick of feeling used, ugly, undesirable. I am at rock bottom and the way I look at it now is, as a woman I need to try and get my meaningless life back together and try and be happy again (I haven't been happy for a long time )

While I get myself sorted he will have his secret porn stash to keep him company. Men like that will never change no matter how much you beg, plead, cry, shout and talk. It's all about them and getting off to porn that matters, not you.

I feel for you all
by: Mikey

I never had the urge or need to look at porn. That’s why I have a wife; she's all I need!

Ladies who have children quit beating yourselves up. Your children will understand why you are wanting a divorce. If you’re not happy your children are not happy! This is a woman's world; you will get full custody of your children!

Never believe or trust a porn user. They'll say and make up anything they can to get you to believe them! If he has to use porn for pleasure, then he doesn't need you in his life! If he's hiding in the bedroom or bathroom to use porn, kick him out because he doesn't deserve you! If he tells you he's watching porn to get more ideas in the bedroom, HES LYING! If he’s saying he looks at it once in a while HES LYING!

Not all men are pigs, but many are! PORN IS CHEATING, IT IS ADULTERY. Don’t fall for a cheater ladies!

Too many aliases
by: Anonymous

My porn addict hubby has only grown worse in the last 10 years. He literally has three computer, each with in excess of 400,000 images on each of them. And not just women, but other horrible images, and it goes on. He has numerous fake Facebook and twitter accounts, all loaded with porn stars and sites. He is horrible in bed. I'm horrible in bed now too. I have zero self-esteem. And he's cheated...numerous times.

It's all become too much and I'm literally on day five of leaving him. No contact, nothing. Please, I hope I can stay gone. :-(

Awful Situation
by: Anonymous

I, too, am married to a porn addict. I caught him while we were dating and made it perfectly clear that I would not accept that behavior. He confesses to using porn since high school, and asked if I'd support him if he got counseling to help him overcome the "need" for this mess. I agreed, and with much effort the issue lessened to the point of disappearing, or so I thought.

We are now three years into our marriage, and I just found that he struggled constantly for a year, then gave in. Only now, he has begun looking at photos of an ex-girlfriend, who likes to post inappropriate photos of herself online. He says he likes the "power" he had when they were together, but I can't figure out what that means. I'm sure some of it is physical attraction, though the only real difference in her body and mine is that I'm quite a bit taller (she is a couple inches under 5'), and my breasts are bigger. He says he likes that she's "public" with her body...wow.

I am certain he hasn't contacted her...but I have. She's actually quite nice and told me they broke up all those years ago because of...get this...his porn use. She was genuinely disturbed to learn why I was asking these questions. The true shock on her face let me know she had no idea what was going on, and she swore she hasn't seen him since the day they broke up 8 years ago. She is also engaged to a fantastic man. I believe her. Also, while checking husband's phone, I learned that Google Maps has been tracking his movements every day for the last year or so. I literally looked at every single map entry and he has never been anywhere near her home or job, and I didn't find any unexplained locations or addresses.

I'm at a loss as to why he need this ridiculousness. It's adolescent, and I feel like I'm married to a 14 year old disguised in a 35 year old man's body. I've consulted a divorce attorney and am debating on going forward with the process. I WANT him to grow up so we can rebuild and get past this, but I don't know if he's willing. He says he wants to, but words don’t matter anymore.

On porn addiction
by: Anonymous

Hello,

I have experienced the other end of what many of your posts describe. I have had a strong propensity for pornography since I was a young teenager.

As time has gone by pornography has changed dramatically, and I'll say, dramatically for the better. I have no idea where it will all lead to, but ultimately I think people watch it to feel something, make a connection, or to escape something. It is a lot like a drug in that way. I think part of it is adrenaline. I think physiologically for men it satisfies something deep in our brains.

Please realize most of your partners probably use porn once in a while. I'm an exception. I (now trying to quit) would do it at least twice a day and sometimes 5 times a day. It's out of control, and I'm trying to get a handle on my behavior and better understand why.

I hate that I do something so obsessively and I can't talk to my partner about it. That is my problem and I'm trying to decipher my behavior. I never was sexually abused or anything like that. I was not encouraged to be this way and I never was particularly traumatized or anything like that. I honestly can only think it's somehow wired in me. I don't think any of my friends or family members have the kind of addiction problem I have. I know I'm not normal. I'm an extreme case, but there are a lot of cases like me out there and your partner may be just as bad.

Your husband or partner is probably abnormal if he does not self-pleasure himself. So first accept it is extremely normal. And I can attest that at times in my life when I was most sexually active with very attractive women I did it as much or more. It has no bearing on how much I've loved my partners over the years.

So please don't take it as a reflection on your sexiness or beauty or attractiveness. If your partner does it, it means he likes and perhaps abuses the feeling of the sexual pursuit in the same way some people over eat or over drink or smoke too much. And you should not take it as a reflection on you at all.

I love my partner dearly, and pornography does not affect how much love her at all.

That being said, I cannot bring myself to admit to her how badly addicted I am. When we first dated I told her I had a lot of trouble resisting sex and porn, so she knows, but I hate talking about it or showing her anything related to it. I'm hoping explaining my side might be of some use. I know this is terrible. This is one of the main reasons I feel I need to quit. Not because I think pornography is bad, but because if I do something this much I should be able to be public about it. If I can't tell the most important person in my life about my behavior, then that's creepy and bad and something needs to change.

I need help
by: Anonymous

I caught my husband watching porn. I don't know what to do, I don't know if I should leave. I confronted him about it he promises not to do it again I don't know if I should believe him because in the beginning of our relationship he cheated. And he said he wouldn't do it again and he hasn't, but he ran to porn. I don't know what I should do?

Amazing to find this site
by: Anonymous

I am so grateful to find this site because I have just kicked out my husband of 23 years for his, get this, she-male porn addiction, and of course I feel so hurt and alone. And the clincher? I have been so faithful to him that I have been celibate for 22 of those years, the one year difference being the time I was pregnant with our only child. I always questioned his rejection of me and he always told me it was a medical issue, his psoriasis, or whatever, and I believed him. My vows stated in sickness and in health, and therefore I was faithful. Then a little over a year ago, I happened upon an Apple tablet we shared, though I never used it, and when I noticed the battery was low I plugged it in and porn site icon came up. I thought that was odd and when I clicked it, it was full of gay she-male porn. As I checked the history and saw all this she male porn history going back months and months and months, my hands trembled. I was devastated. I couldn't believe it. I confronted him on it and he wanted to pull me into it. What? Never...such a repulsive thing.

And stupid me, I thought I could 'cure' him, that I could help him. So I worked with him on this, daily, talking, snuggling, seducing (to no avail). That lasted nine months, then I just said, whatever. But the anger in me has been multiplying. The anger today became explosive and I hit him. And I don't want to ever feel that way again. I don't know where I stand now, but this is my story.

But, the bigger question begs to be asked: what of our youth? Once virtual holographic pornography is a reality, say goodbye to our species as we know it. If people don't see this as a real problem they really should wake up and fast. I am all for freedom of expression but when it comes to this sort of thing, some measures need to be taken. I'm sure that's not possible. But it is very, very sad.

The opposite of love is indifference
by: Anonymous

Porn addicts are indifferent to their spouses. You cannot fix them, they don't want to fix themselves. Hire an IT firm, get evidence for litigation to get your kids, threaten to expose them and get out of your marriage. Fast. The secret and lies are half the thrill for them. Porn addiction cannot be fixed. Don't believe anything they say. Get out and heal.

30 Years I have been Married to a Liar.
by: Anonymous

I realize that 30 years is a long time to believe the lies; boy am I beating myself up for it now.

Who am I really? I am a very happy person. I love life and jump in with enthusiasm. Each day is a new experience! I thought I had a great marriage...But I let him take my happiness.

I started finding porn websites, and inconsistencies in his stories about where and what he was doing. My husband would deny all the issues and problems. After I would accused him, he would change his ways long enough to subside my suspicions.

As his addiction progressed, he used verbal abuse to make me believe his lies. He would emotionally abuse me until I had complete self-doubt. I actually believed "I" was delusional. What caused the change in me...Let’s just say going to bed with my husband became awful. Each encounter worse than the one before. After another bad attempt at intimacy, I told him "I would rather be dead than be in this bed with you". So after that night I listened to my gut and starting searching the web browser history, and was not surprised by what I found. If you are reading this YOU KNOW the images all too well.

I found more evidence of his betrayal and told him not to come home. After several hours, he arrived home and admitted to his addiction. He has started counseling but I am ready to cut this liar from my life. I pretending to try... but it is over for me.

I need guidance.
by: Anonymous

I don't know what to do anymore, I am at my wits end and need advice. We have been married for 8 months and I am currently pregnant. We have only been together for 2 years and at first we were constantly having sex, taking showers together and he would light candles to set the mood. When we got married, it dwindled. On our honeymoon we had sex once and now maybe once every month or two. I decided to look on his phone, thinking I would find another girl or something, but it was just porn...I told him how it made me feel and how ugly and disgusting I was starting to feel about myself because he never tries to pursue me anymore and all he does is look at these girls on the internet. He told me he would work on us and it was because of stress or me not trying. So I started to come on to him and I got nothing. After that he did start to come on to me and I felt stupid for feeling the way I was, but then I noticed he looked at porn before each intimate time. It's gone back to not having sex and I just found more porn on his phone...I don't know what to do. I am only 26 years old and when I tell people why I'm upset they laugh...I feel like I need to leave. I feel ugly and unwanted now over this and I do not want a sex-less and unhappy marriage. I feel so degraded over these women, wishing I had what they did because of the attention he gives them and the want he has for them. Please, I need advice.

Anxiety stricken full of fear
by: Anonymous

It never gets better or easier, the lying, the cheating, the hidden messages, the porn addiction. It all sucks! Been married for 25 years to this porn driven selfish man! He never ever put me first, despite his broken promises. I so hate him but I know I have love for him too. I'm so confused and deeply fearful of leaving him, because I feel like I can't breathe if he's not around😕 It's just so bad, I don't go anywhere without him because I'm so freaking fearful. But I know for a fact that he's never going to change. I feel stuck in a loveless relationship. I thought he was faithful because we were going to a sound Christian church years back. He was involved in bible studies and men's retreat where he would hear from great pastors like John MacArthur. We went to Christian counseling; that didn't help either. 25 years and three grown kids later, he's still at it. I ask him why he has ED, he says it's his age! Yeah sure, it's his freaking self-centered ways! Aaah I feel so alone. Stuck!

The reality is its best to leave
by: 6 yrs in

I have never been a prude kind of person. I never thought porn was bad. I have always loved had a healthy sex drive and was comfortable with my sexuality and my body.

After discovering my partner was always watching porn and turning me down I figured it was me. I spent years learning to slowly hate myself. At my worst I was ashamed to leave the house because I felt so ugly. I didn't tell anyone for a long time because I was ashamed.

Well... it had nothing to do with me. For 6 years he has lied to me pretty much every day. He has stolen my phones to look for images, I have found secret devices, he has messaged trashy women, stalked normal women’s Facebook profiles for bikini shorts, and he has promised it will stop. On the anniversary of my brother’s death he was too busy to comfort me because he was online masturbating over webcam girls.

The cheeky messages he could never send me he sent them. The flirting with them. The intimacy with them. He used our toddler’s iPad to watch porn when his phone had an accountantability app. I know because he forgot to delete it and she very nearly found it.

When I was pregnant I'm pretty sure he cheated on me, when I visited family he messaged prostitutes, when I cried to him for hours (pregnant with the second one) he swore he was getting help (this has happened 100 times before) it was 4 days before he was waiting for me to fall asleep so he could watch porn again.

It. Does. Not. Get. Better....

Please don't try to help him. Leave him. And if he helps himself great. But all this will do is leave you a shell of who you were and teach your kids that women are objects to be masturbated over or lied to.

Lies, lies, lies...sociopath
by: Amy

I have been married for little over a year. He is a narcissistic and pathological liar who would rather look at porn than touch his wife. We have not been sexual since we got married. He tried 1x in Belize. He stopped and I cried. He made up an excuse but we all know he can’t continue because excessive masturbation creates ED. He now blames the lack of sex on me. I think I’m going to leave him. It's never going to change.

Less than one year in...NEED ADVICE!
by: Moosriel

I caught him watching porn when we were dating, I explained to him very thoroughly that I will not accept it, I think it’s cheating, and if he wants to watch we should end things right now. He convinced me he didn't need it and wouldn't do it again after realizing how it affect me. 9 months after our wedding I caught him again. I went on the computer to look at our photos and there it was! Turns out he never really stopped. He just got better at hiding it because he knew if I found out I would leave. I feel like now that we are married it's not so easy to just walk away. It's been 7 months since I found it and things in our marriage have gotten so bad. He has yet to take accountability for the hurt he caused, yet to try to rebuild my trust, or to prove to me that our marriage can get through this. I didn't get married to get divorced, but I'm so unhappy and I'm losing sight of what I'm even fighting for. Please help me!

Divorce is a beautiful word.
by: Anonymous

I'm divorcing my porn addicted husband after 16 years of marriage. The last 6 years of the marriage he refused to have sex at all because he preferred porn. The last time we had sex he just lay there like a wet fish. He made no noises and didn't move his body. It was a horrific sexual experience and I cried silently into the pillow afterwards. Porn addicts are really bad in bed. The best lovers are enthusiastic. Enthusiasm is something these types of addicts can never show a real life woman. I'm off to new pastures and looking forward to the future. The only regret is I should have given up on him much sooner.

Porn detaches them from seeking human connection
by: Carol from Mich.

My heart goes out to all you ladies. All these destroyed relationships, so sad and disturbing. I will not discuss my story@ this time. There is so much more us women loose in life if we stay with these type of men. Women are emotional creatures who like to feel loved, respected & adored once in a while. What about some romance once in a while? Do our porn addicts have to be nice to these women they are having sex with? Do they have to get them in the mood with some romance? Do they have to have a good conversation? Wine & dine them? Hell no, and they get to satisfy their sexual needs. No work at all. They just loose their drive to pursue you. Too much work. They just do not have to be nice to you. Little do they realize they are not getting that human connection that we need in life. If you ever want to feel special, respected loved or desired you will never get it from your porn addict. You will never be happy without that. 😔

Take a Stand
by: Anonymous

I am just currently divorced. I was married for 12 years and caught him multiple times. But just can't take the pain of catching him anymore. I have a 2yr, 5yr, and 8yr old.

Hey, They Get So Good at Lying
by: Anonymous

I'm the world's slowest procrastinator, because I've stayed in this pitiful marriage for 43 years! He has blamed me, and has ruined our marriage by using porn, abusing pain pills, and drinking. But his lies and passive aggression have made it impossible to be intimate in any manner. He won't even give me quality time together, which is my main Love Language! No, he'll never, ever change!

But guess who will? Me! Yes, at age 62 I'm walking away from a sicko with whom I had 2 kids! They're not able to launch and don't see how his addictions have affected me and them. My adult son sees nothing wrong with porn, and like dad, like son! I'm excited about my life now! I will be fine, I just lost so much precious time with that man! He is sick, but now I'm free of his lies!!!! I feel like a human being again, in just a few weeks after I left! Do not wait, ladies! You are worth much more!

Separated Because of Porn
by: Anonymous

I was married to my husband for 5 years, and with him for 10. I really have no problem with porn in general, but shortly after I got married I realized my husband's porn use was a little different than your average guy’s. For one, he was paying for it when there are a million free sites out there. I caught these charges several times throughout our marriage and found out what he was actually paying for was to video chat with someone. I felt betrayed, even a little cheated on, because our sex life was lack luster and he must have been more intimate with these women than he was capable of being with me. The last time I caught him before I chose to separate, he went through extra measures to deceive me and purchased a gift card at the store to cover what he was paying for. When I asked what the charge was, he lied about it. Finally, after two months of trying to figure out the secret, he came clean and I left. I'm heartbroken at the loss of my marriage and my husband and the life that could have been, but it wasn't fair to me to be with someone who was willing to lie to me, deceive me, and never put me first.

Why me
by: Anonymous

I’ve been married for 28 years. The very first time I caught my husband masturbating to porn ...it felt like the female was right there in our home having sex with him....I never confronted him. As the years passed, he would get up in the middle of the night just to be on these sorry sites online. Well I can go on and on, but over the years he watches porn every day and night until he goes to bed. I caught him so many times with his little medicine cups full of KY jelly so he can be unfaithful to some bit*h online. He’s a good provider and a good person and grandpa, but his porn addiction is taking away my husband and broken our vows. I feel so alone as if I don’t even exist. There is no affection (I have to make him hug me) and almost no sex (every 6 months). I know he’s not going to stop using porn.

This is not my life...I love life to the fullest...always putting God first and have prayed on it...I know in my heart and soul he’s not going to stop. I want out, but I do love him and really feel sorry for him because this is a sickness....but I’m exhausted and getting older and I have needs as a mature women of 51 years old. I am really nervous about starting over...should I discuss this with his mom before I leave him? I feel she really needs to know about her son. Why are there so many women going through this...what’s really going on?

Divorce is imminent
by: Anonymous

All the comments I've read give me zero hope of "fixing" his addiction. I've amped up the romance, the foreplay, the sexting, and for what? He's now using Pinterest and celebrity leaked photos. I even found about 30 pics of yoga pants butt shots! Is this his attempt at trying not to watch porn? I'm currently with him because I could not bear the thought of my nearly 14 year old daughter being destroyed by her father's porn addiction. I'm not sure I can do it though. For being a strong person... I sure feel weak.

Addicted from a young age
by: Anonymous

He started porn use at 15 when the internet was still dial up.

Within 3 months of marriage he started watching it whenever I was out of the house. And he wouldn't go on weekend hiking or canoe trips with me just so he could stay home and use.

He used to make me earn sex by giving him a bj every single time and it didn't bother him if we didn't have sex. So we just didn't very often because it was always all about him.

One evening he was drinking with his cousin and said he gets off better to porn. I should have left him right then and saved myself 4 more years of misery. Not only did I do all the work during sex, but he prefers porn anyway.

We separated twice over the next 7 years, and I found out he'd slept with over 18 women during our separations.

When our second daughter was born he didn't hold her. He was in the hospital for 10 minutes after she was born and told me he had to get ready for work. Later his computer was unlocked and I found out he left the hospital to go home and was Googling "live naked chat"

I also found out he'd been flirting with random friends on Facebook and going for coffee with women he'd been with in the past... while I was 7 months pregnant with our second child.

Porn is the reason I lost a husband, my husband lost a family, and my children lost a dad. He became addicted young and it destroyed everything he could have had.

I'm sick of reading people say, well, surely porn was just a symptom and it can't really be the cause of hundreds of thousands of divorces every year. If the woman says it caused her divorce because it made the relationship unsatisfying, then that's what caused the divorce.

I think she can decide for herself what is making the relationship unbearable.

The Rabbit Hole
by: Lisa S

My husband was never honest with me about his porn addiction. The subject came up when we were dating. Simply put, it was something he said he had been exposed to when he was younger. Wrong. He had been heavily involved for 25 years. He was very good at keeping his secret until escalation took him to places that will change his life forever. I begged him to get help. Threatened divorce. He lost a job he loved. He refused to get help until the day he was released for jail. He has plead guilty to two counts of child porn possession. He will be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life. The moral of this story, if your partner is unwilling to get help, this problem only escalates. Take care of yourself. We are now divorced. He is getting help. Wishes he could take everything back. This problem left unattended does not have a happy ending.

He relapsed AGAIN
by: Anonymous

Because of his porn addiction I felt I lost myself, I lost hope and belief in good in the world.

Don't know what to do.
by: G

My husband of 12 years always watches porn. He has made so many promises and even swore on our Child’s life that he would never do it again. Then I found his phone and saw he had deleted his internet history and I knew he had been watching it again. He had the nerve to call me a lie and deny it until the next morning when he admitted it to me. I've really had enough this time and don't think I can ever forgive him again. I am nearly 12 weeks pregnant and feel vulnerable already. My last pregnancy was so stressful and I'm so scared I might have problems again with this pregnancy. I feel sick that he could do this to me again and especially while I'm pregnant. I feel so unattractive and have lost all my confidence because of him. I do love him but I don't know whether I could ever let him touch me again or whether I could ever forgive him. I don't know what to do.

He prefers porn over me.
by: Victoria

Hi. I strongly believe my husband of seven months is addicted to porn. I knew he watched before we met and while we were dating. He says he ONLY watches it like twice a week. I recently grabbed his phone to google something (while he was sitting next to me), and when I opened up his browser there was like 6 porn sites open. I said I thought he was obsessed with porn but he vehemently denies it and turns it back on me calling me a weirdo and saying I'm paranoid. The only reason it really bothers me is because he does it, then lies about it or tries to cover it up, and because he never seems to want to be intimate with me. He does have sex with me but I believe it's only because he feels obligated to because he knows how physical touch and intimacy are my number one love language. I believe he would just rather watch the porn. There are many precipitating factors that lead me to believe he's addicted- just too many to spell out here. Am I just paranoid? Any advice/help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

Divorcing a porn addict
by: Anonymous

I am currently separated from my husband who I married only on July 25 of this year. Stupid me; I had left him before because of his addiction, but he did not keep his word about not viewing it. Never, ever think someone will change because they never do! You cannot live a life of watching them and checking all the time.

Help!! What do I do.
by: Anonymous

We have 2 kids and married for 9 years now. We rarely have sex and sometimes he turns me down… If I turn him down he would get angry and leave the room. Generally speaking in front of the kids he is fine and loving. We were in counselling for the lack of intimacy and for his seasonal depression he goes though each year which left me feeling alone in my marriage… I went to personal therapy as well in which the man told me based on his behavior it wouldn't surprise him if he had an addiction to porn…. so I added a program to see what he is looking on line and found that almost every DAY/Night he will spend about 5 minutes looking at porn. How do I approach him on this without him finding out how I know???? Is there any hope for this marriage? I want to be wanted, I want intimacy and love…. worst thing about this is that I found an attraction to someone else and an affair has happened… Please give me some advice!!!!

It never ends
by: Anonymous

I was married for almost 15 years. After infidelity and a decade plus of being told his porn addiction was my fault I gave the ultimatum. He chose porn over me and his 4 kids.
I was always faithful to him, but now he is spreading lies that I cheated. He lied to the cops and got me arrested. He lied to my bosses and tried to get me fired and attempted to make me lose my accreditations.
I still have to share my kids with him since the court won't let me talk about the marriage prior the original divorce 5 years ago. I was too scared and ashamed then. The last year of our marriage became physically abusive, but I lied for him so he could keep his job. I was on crutches for a year. I never called the cops and I never told the medical people the truth because he worked at that hospital.
I'm stuck. I can't date because he lies to the court and my family about every guy who sticks around more than 6 months. I can't leave town, and have my kids too, because he put it in the divorce that the kids have to attend the local schools.
I'm screwed for the next 12 years. Ladies tell the truth and get all you can the first time. Don't leave him any ties to you, if you can!!!

Lied to and Deceived
by: Anonymous

I have just separated from my husband of three years and we will be divorcing. He was the love of my life but after being married 1 1/2 years, I discovered he was addicted to porn. We never had a normal sex life...he was always rough and distant. Now I realize why.

I have stayed with him for over a year after the discovery, hoping that he would get help. Three weeks ago I discovered him watching perverted violent videos and I decided at that moment that I could not stay in the house one more moment. I sold everything when I married him and moved into his house, so I am starting over again at 58 years of age. I cannot financially afford to be here at this stage of my life but I refuse to live with someone who disrespects me and refuses to get help. He is in complete denial.

He is going to end up a very sad, lonely old man and it is painful as we had a very good marriage otherwise.

SEVEN MONTHS LATER
by: Anonymous

Seven (7) months ago I posted my comments and let me tell you I had forgotten how miserable I was! Seeing in print makes me feel FANTASTIC because I made the right decision. I was able to move out and get my own place. Furniture and financial stress is NOTHING to the HORRIBLE existence of being without a porn-addicted, passive/aggressive jerk!

Thank you for posting my comment! Hindsight is 20/20

Mine was addicted!
by: Anonymous

I am still married. We have 2 kids and I’m currently pregnant. He is on the internet constantly… downloading pornographic/sexy images of animation girls. Watches anime movies constantly, some are pretty risqué. I asked him to stop right away. He said no, I found out I was pregnant and he doesn’t care if I stay or go. He won’t stop. He lies about the smallest things and won’t go to counseling to help. He purchased a 6' tall anime girl figures, one comes with 4 sets of interchangeable boob sizes. ... It’s sickening. We have been married 6 years and together for 7. I’ve had to deal with his internet obsession or "other women" for all this time. It’s like a slap in the face. He finds nothing wrong with it. I come from a strong Christian background. To me it’s unacceptable. We are separated now, but it’s only been a few days. It kills me inside to know I mean nothing to him… He chose this crap over me and my 2 soon to be 3 kiddos. My heart bleeds…

Lies, porn addiction and in laws from hell
by: Anonymous

One month after our honeymoon, I discovered he had a severe addiction to porn. In addition, I discovered he was a paying member of adult swingers’ site! He'd prefer to masturbate to porn than make love to his real life wife!! I was devastated, betrayed and humiliated. He was doing God knows what cybersex whilst I drifted off to sleep. His mother and twin sister were a nightmare. They were bossy, controlling, and demanding. He would always take their side and not make me a priority. I put him up in the home I had prior to marriage and he lived there rent free and mortgage free whilst he continued to support his mother’s mortgage. They had a joint property, business relationship he said. Queen mother in law did not work, but lived off her husband, son and me! I got pregnant and lost the baby. His twin sister was pregnant at the same time. She shoved her pregnant belly in her brother’s face and exclaimed look the baby kicking! Husband said I was jealous of his sister! Outrageous or what!!!

Ditto
by: Anonymous

Do you think the men we have been involved with are confused and yet have a more male side and were raised in environments that didn't allow their female side (say decorating) to live? I wonder since the person I am divorcing spent excessive amounts of money to make sure he had the biggest and “best” toys, yet freaked when I wanted a new dining room set.

I share the same story as the rest of you and could kick it up a few notches.

Get a good therapist and don't look back no matter your age or IQ :)

No way You Can Beat My Story
by: Anonymous

I lost any desire to spend my life with the man I thought was the dream of my life. Less than a month after we married, I accidently found the CD where the woman was giving him "head" for about 15 minutes. All the feelings and hopes were ruined in a matter of seconds. Later he told it was his ex-girlfriend (who was also his first love). But does it really matter when the picture of my husband and some B-TCH blowing him froze in my memory for 6 years? In all together, he is porno-addict and loves to masturbate while I am sleeping, pretending not to see what he does. I wish I could save a video of him in action to show in front of the court when he calls me unfit mother for the child I love more than anything in life.

Addiction/Abuse
by: Anonymous

This is so common now that I believe it is some sort of disorder that needs a name. These men are a combination of: manic/depressive, bi-polar and often bi-sexual. I thought I was 1 in a million until I started searching the web and found so many similar stories on various support group sites. I wish you the best with your decision.

Passive/Aggressive
by: Anonymous

WOW! After 2 weeks of being married I brought up his porn addiction. We were having no sex because he'd rather get off on porn. After several disagreements or concerns I brought to his attention he would put up the wall, sleep on couch, and not eat the food I served. Finally, he would get over his tantrum and blame everything on me. Talk about being Passive/Aggressive! Makes me crazy! This went on for four months and several of these sulking tantrums and being blamed for everything in the relationship.

Last night he went way below the belt and was verbally abusive. I am in a financial bind and it is going to be very difficult to get on my feet. I wish I could stay until I could save some money to get on my feet. However, if I went home I would be condoning his behavior! I sold all my furniture and moved into his place. He also told me that his health was failing and that he wasn't going to be able to have sex. I don't believe this! He would rather masturbate and watch porn then be in reality.

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