Lying and porn addiction

by A
(WA)

Porn addiction and the associated lying and secrecy were the main reason for our divorce.

There was also passive aggressive behavior, including withholding sex and affection when I didn't do what he wanted.

Comments for Lying and porn addiction

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Lying
by: Robin

The worst is all the lying made me feel crazy and he still lies. Over little dumb stuff. Over and over I had no idea I had married a big ole liar.


After the last dday, I was so done.

Passesive Agressive behavior
by: Robin

Yes, Passive-aggressive behavior here too and all the manipulation around sex.


Gail thank you! We still want Romance and a true loving connection.

Agree with Robin
by: Gail

Totally right Robin...this is not how it is supposed to be...the internet has re-wired men's and women's brains who are addicted to this crap...

Emotional maturity has gone out the door. People have no idea how to communicate with their significant other anymore. Sad state of affairs...

Using Porn- different perspective
by: Robin

Most of us deny sex is because we do not want porn sex, or don’t want to deal with ED or PIED. Are you offering her lovemaking, foreplay, taking baths together? Washing her hair or any other type of intimacy? Are your eyes open during sex with kissing? Many of us deal with sex that is not normal loving sex or no sex at all. There are 2 sides to turning down your partner. My husband threatened to go back to porn, I told him to go ahead. I am so over all of it.

Another point of view!
by: Anonymous

I am a man and I use porn. I stopped looking at porn for about the first year me and my wife dated. After that, I only looked at it when my wife denied me sex. As sex denial increased so did porn usage. I never hid it or denied it I explicitly told her if you deny me sex I'm going to use porn. I haven't looked at p*** in 6 months and we're still having sex less and less. She would rather divorce than seek council. We have children. I will not accept divorce until after it is way too late. There are things I have asked her to stop doing but she flat-out lied. She said she would stop but didn't. The things that she's done upset me. I wouldn't consider cheating, but she would if I did it.

To Celeste
by: gail

To the last post... I am sorry for your heartache...all of us on this page know what you are going through...

If I was your age and could do this all over I would have left ASAP....the lies and manipulation never stop.

All the wishing and dreaming and crying do not change his addicted brain, unfortunately. Get out and live for you! Please look after yourself...

xoxox

Reply to Cara
by: Anonymous

I’m 64 years old. My husband has been addicted to porn all his adult life. My first encounter was when there was a nude scene in a movie and he said, "Oh baby." 23 years later, I caught him on the computer. I’m not a rag, I take care of myself. He has no excuse. I recently caught him again. I had a breakdown. I was begging my daddy who has passed away to come get me. Every day now and probably for the rest of my life will just be going through the motions of life. I have fought the fight, lost the war and the battle rages on in my heart. I’m Catholic and seeing him bald-faced lie to God and take communion is sickening.

Lying and porn addiction
by: Anonymous

Well hello all, I am so excited to find this site. Thank you all for being so open, honest, and kind.

I’m frustrated and alone, with the man of my dreams. My husband says he loves me, says he is so attracted to me, says, says, says. He talks but doesn't have any walk to actually show me his love.

I know I am not alone as I have spoken with other women who say their husbands are the same way. This has been a problem for us for many years. Porn has caused so much disunity and dissension in my family that I am sick to my stomach to think about having sex with him.

My husband is adorable, brilliant, sexy, caring, kind, loving and very gifted not only in real life but also in the bedroom. He has been the only man to ever get me off! If you know what I'm saying. For so long my self-esteem was shattered. At 25 I had to leave him and the largest part of that separation was due to the lack of interest and desire he showed towards me and the constant hiding, deceitful actions, and insane crazy out of your mind accusations he would insist I was doing.

At that time I had just had my second baby and my body was in shambles. I already hated the way I looked and felt, and the behaviors only increased my issues tenfold. Often times hindering my ability to truly live life.

So please remember, this is my high school sweetheart, the man of my dreams, the only man that has ever provided me with orgasm, but only when he is making love to me without the use of inanimate objects.

I'm concerned about his health and well-being. He hates what he is doing so much that he turns it around in me looking grabbing and grasping for any and everything he can to get on me. He wants to prove something to himself or me, I'm not sure. He lies about what he is doing and why. He accuses me of cheating. He denies me in the bedroom, unless like many of you stated, it’s on his terms and time.

I love him and want to support him. At the same time, this is killing me. I am young, brilliant, sexy, kind, good and loving. In the best shape of my life going on 40.

What do I do, I want him to get help. He is going to end up killing either himself or me over this. I will not divorce, but possibly get my own apartment? I am so lost and longing for the true affection of my husband, I have started to think about seeing someone else, just on a level of intimacy that is no longer found at home. He has started to become physically abusive towards me saying that I make him do those things to me. Even though I have worked so hard to be kind and gentle, tip-toeing around the obvious. He hounds me for hours upon hours about things we have already dealt with, trying to get me to slip up. He makes up things about what I am thinking in my head, and then physically man-handles me when he has gotten me into a rage but refuses to leave me alone or allow me to leave.

He uses things that are too big and I am terrified he is going to seriously injure or kill himself in his escapades alone or in the constant barrage of questions/bullying/threats and deceits. What do I do?

Thank you and may God Bless all of us trying to get through hell to get to heaven. Celeste

reply to Cara
by: Anonymous

Please Cara, PLEASE, understand that you just cannot fix him--no matter what, he will NOT love you the way you want him to, or the way you love him-- his brain just doesn't work the way your brain does. It is like you are talking English and he is talking Spanish, it just does not compute--- But let me say this--you have 2 little ones. They live in the house and see how you and hubby's relationship is, THAT to them is normal!!! You need to show them that is NOT the way mature adults act. Men are NOT allowed to treat women that way- Far easier said than done---so where do you go tomorrow when you need milk and soup? Where are you supposed to take your kids and yourself to sleep tonight? Do you start all over in a shelter of some sort? I hung on myself more out of pride--I was a professional businesswoman, how did I sink so low? Not a single person from my professional life would even recognize me--and NO ONE would understand--so I sit here, taking abuse, my confidence is long gone, and my soul literally sucked away--and why? Because I am now 63 and have nowhere to go--- So my advice to you is, 1st, set the example to your kids as to how it SHOULD be between couples---that should set your soul on fire to move on to the next step--then hit every abuse shelter/center you can-- because you ARE being abused! Those people will help and direct you---keep at it-- do not despair---you have thousands of us behind you and supporting you! I would die right now if I knew none of us ever got out of this mess---while I can't, YOU can, and I am rooting for you!!!

Denise R
by: Robin

I have no idea what to think, mine is so weird and a dirty bird. Who knows what is going on in their minds. I found a shirt covered in his stuff, it is so gross.

All the lies and getting worse!
by: Denise R.

My husband and I have been married for 34 years and I can't take it anymore. He's addicted to alcohol and porn. I'm leaving him soon. I do not love him anymore. One day I looked under his mattress and he had my kid’s photo when they were young and some more of my family pictures in a sandwich bag in a Playboy magazine. He even cut a picture out from a dead person’s obituary. The scary part was that he had their heads cut off their pictures and put in a sandwich bag. He goes into rages, screaming, and about to lose it. I told him he has to get his own place. But I'm moving soon myself, by myself; I don't need him with me at all. He’s weird. What do you think of this?

I am in your shoes
by: Robin

Same here at 49 and it is awful. Here is my email if anyone would like someone to reach out to or talk to.
bondsflowers (at) outlook.com

Reply to Cara
by: Anonymous

Cara, I hope you are okay. You have been through a lot. All I can say is, try to be kind to yourself – you deserve it.

I feel the same – when you have been lied to on so many occasions, it becomes hard to ever trust. But also, the loneliness from not having the support from family and friends adds to the heartache. My sister told me to keep my thoughts to myself because talking about porn is personal. I have since found out that her husband looks at it. She doesn’t like him doing it but doesn’t want anyone to know because that would make her marriage look like a failure.

It would be great if your husband would seek help, but I doubt you could get him to see what this is doing to you and your boys. You shouldn’t be feeling weighed down by everyday living, but I know how you feel. You are in survival mode. Looking after children is not an easy task and even harder when you have a toxic environment around you.

I do feel sorry for these men seeking these avenues like porn. They’re all suffering from some form of mental health issues. But in saying that, I make no excuses for their behaviors. They are grown men and know the difference between what is right and what is wrong. No doubt, his behaviors relate to his upbringing and from seeing porn at such a young age. His mother sounds like my ex-mother-in-law; she said the same thing to me – ‘boys will be boys’. She was protecting herself from the knowledge that she has brought up a disrespectful man. And she was a cold-hearted woman – never anything nice to say, it was all about her.

My husband lied to me constantly for 18 years. Unfortunately, I too am not in the financial position to leave. The decision not to leave comes down to wanting to ensure that my children are financially set up for the future. If I had the money, I would ask him to leave. Oh, the energy I would feel from not having his presence around me would be very satisfying.

I have found it hard to reconcile why he would use other women for his desires. He looked at teenage girls, lesbians, dwarfs, etc, thousands of images. I would often see him perving on women – he couldn’t see them as humans, only as something to desire and get off on. And his behaviors all round are just hideous. He has done too many things over the years to list. I just wish luck would come my way and I could, for the first time in my life, feel peace. I hate it. I never feel at peace.

I have three children and I now see myself telling them to be careful of the partners they choose, especially my girls. I have told them not to bring children into the world unless you are 150% sure that they can trust in the other person. I am not interested in being a grandparent, I am only interested if their parents are treating each other with pure respect. I am sick of hearing of the increasing amounts of divorce due to porn – it is not something that I thought would become common.

I agree with you, this all sucks – it sucks for us, it sucks for the kids, it just sucks! Like you, all I ever wanted was a beautiful family based on love and trust. There needs to be more education out there for people entering marriages and an awareness of pornography. I am amazed at how many of my friends have no clue as to how disgusting and disrespectful the porn of today is.

Cara, I hope you can start to feel better knowing that there are people on this blog who care about your situation. I just wish we could all get together and share in our stories face-to-face.

Looking for a reply
by: Cara

Well, I’m finally brave enough to include my name in the comment description. Can I just say how much this f***ing sucks? I am a Roman Catholic and spiritual person but a situation like this deserves a curse word thrown in here or there. I am 31 years old. I have a 2-year-old, a 1-year-old, and recently gave birth to a 12 week/3 day old baby in my own home. He was breathing in front of me and I held him as he passed. We buried him 2 days later. To say the past 2 months have been hell is an understatement. By the way, I wrote ‘The Sink’ a few months ago.

My husband still rejects me and sex is only on his terms. I feel pathetic- like a prostitute. I am ready and willing when he will finally accept me. He says he doesn’t watch porn, but given his history, I have a hard time believing this. I feel like nothing. Like absolutely nothing. Undesirable. Unworthy. Ugly. Pathetic. You name it. I practically begged him to have sex tonight and he walked upstairs. Is life supposed to be like this?

I come from a family with an alcoholic father (2.5 years sober, Thank you Jesus) and an enabling mother and what I've learned through their relationship is you cannot control the addict. I read in previous posts to take away his phone and internet and get a flip phone. Well, good luck. If he’s anything like mine, he’ll just start going to adult boutiques and watching porn at work. You can’t control people. I constantly think about how I could possibly maybe under the right circumstance be enough for someone. But for right now, that’s impossible. I have 2 babies to take care of and no means of financially leaving.

So do I suffer for life? I watched my parents (who genuinely love each other) fight together against my father's alcoholism? I’ve tried that. But now all I can seriously handle (and I mean to the lowest extent of keeping my head above water) is feeding my kids and taking them somewhere each day to get them out of the house.

The post-traumatic stress is what no one talks about. You think you’re alright and then you’re watching some stupid show like Impractical Jokers and they’re filming in a mall in front of a Victoria’s Secret shop and it hits all over again. It never goes away. All I want is to be loved for who I am and desired. When I first caught my husband years ago, my mother in law told me the whole ‘boys with be boys’ speech and then I knew the whole thing was damned. He saw porn around age 12- his brain is fried.

My plan now includes protecting my precious innocent boys and possibly making a plan to leave him. The worst part is I do love him, but he doesn’t love me the same. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have done this. Marrying a porn addict is like handing your life over to one of constant unrest and paranoia- and trust me, this plays to their gaslighting. I don’t know what to do at this point. I’m lost. Alone. I have friends but they can’t relate. They can hardly keep their husbands off them. Porn is pure evil and even though I sympathize with my husband as a young kid being exposed to it, I am still infuriated by his inability to stop. I don’t know what he watches/if he watches. He tells me nothing. He is a mastermind of deception. I don’t deserve this and find daily life to be depressing and monotonous and lonely. Thank God I have my 2 little boys but they’ll grow up and I'll be alone/ Do I want to be 60 and comparing myself to a 19-year-old porn star?!! I need out, but right now I can’t do it.

Its not worth our life
by: Robin

Please do not consider suicide... Porn does cause us to go crazy, lose our sanity, our self-respect, and our self-worth. They are horrible in bed and feel porny.

I am with you ladies!
by: Robin

Mine has relapsed and keeps lying despite the evidence I have. I am sick of ED and dealing with porn. Even when he does not use sex is same ole same ole. Next month will be 24 years of porn hell.

Can anyone relate?
by: Anonymous

My husband is addicted to porn, uses drugs and booze to enhance the drive. Once he is all wound up from hours of porn, booze, drugs, he wants me to satisfy him. There is no 'we'-- just him. And through all of this, his hands never once touch me. He never EVER tries to entice anything from me, try to excite me. He has said many times- 'aren't you happy to have a husband that you can please?' Last night he asked in a mellow moment if I was happy, but then went on to say 'of course you are, you have a happy husband'. And he was dead serious. If he were to use porn to satisfy his desires, that would be one thing--but it seems to wind him up, and now demands ME to make it even better--- he tells me our 'best/most exciting days' are all behind us, that was only before we got married. I don't seem to be able to tell him that his addiction and selfish treatment of me has turned me off and disgusted me to the point I recoil when he touches me. His treatment of me has destroyed me. I was a professional who made decent money. He conned me into signing everything over into his name alone--long stupid story--So now I sit--no car, no property, no income besides SS, as he ended up getting me fired. He demands I pay for all living expenses-- demands as in screaming yelling matches, and he NEVER EVER stops!---and right-- I should say screw you, but what if he changes the locks? I have nowhere to go, no one to go to, as he has isolated me from all friends and family through the past 6 years we have been together. Walk out?-- you need money for a deposit, for an apartment-- now 63 years old--no car, no home, no self-respect--- I seriously see why seniors suicide-- what is left for me?

Our sanity is the cost
by: B

The cost is our sanity! I think I have PTSD. I hate leaving my house because I feel like its porn fest for him when I’m gone. I hide the lotions, body soap, Vaseline anything that can be used to jack off. I've even caught him using hair grease, smh I've taken pictures of my products just to make sure when I get back they are placed the way I left them.

I'll call while I'm out and hear the echo of him being in the bathroom I'm sure doing the deed. Drives me crazy and I want to stop doing whatever it is I'm doing and rush home. I can't have fun and enjoy myself when I'm out.

It's an addiction that's worse than drugs because you can tell a drug addict, but you can't see the stain of a porn addict. He's done it at work and god knows where else, it kills me.

Let's not start with religion. Mine is "MUSLIM" by mouth ... but his actions are Jesus take the wheel. The only thing he doesn't do is eat pork (in that case, I guess I'm Muslim too). Lower your gaze and protect your parts, not mine he wants to have them greased up. God forbid someone says hello sweetheart and bam, I have a whole new boyfriend according to him. And then I face a whole attitude of all-day sarcasm and trash talking to me, degrading me because a stranger in the store said hello sweetheart and how can I help you from behind the counter.

Sex is basically like consensual rape. He is getting his hit and I'm providing the hole. It doesn't matter if I want it or not. I'm his hole and in my head, I'm making a list of things that need to be done quietly. While he moans and groans drilling his way to the finish line. I'm so miserable. He waves his phone at me... as if I don't give him some he has his phone. But he says he loves me. It’s such a joke. Love is not supposed to hurt!!

Get out and self-heal
by: gail

Heart-wrenching reading these posts. I have had to leave my 25-year marriage as the lies, gas lighting, anger and sarcasm have eaten me up.

I want to find 'me' again. I am building up my network of support and moving on. My husband can lie to the church pastor, therapist, friends, and family... I am beyond caring anymore.

At one time he wanted help and I was there for him. Now he has become defiant, arrogant and heartless. A manipulator who can throw me under the bus anytime he feels like it. He needs help but IF HIS HEART IS NOT IN IT… nothing will change.

The lawyer told me this is the number one reason for divorce now. Women want to nurture and make relationships work, BUT AT WHAT COST?

Most of us are suffering from PTSD...It hurts like hell but I have to face reality. Please find the strength to take care of your mental and emotional health.

I am getting off the crazy train…

Divorce and porn
by: gail

Get out sooner rather than later ladies. I supported a so-called Christian man who has turned into a nightmare. Decades of lying, sarcasm, gas lighting and screaming. Now he is an arrogant narcissist through and through.

The longer you stay, the longer you enable the behavior. I have many regrets now that I did not look after myself. Shut down your emotions and really evaluate your life. Do you want to live like this until your last day on this earth?

So many broken promises. There is no respect or love left. He killed what was 'us'...

Good thing he attends church regularly and leads Men's Bible studies...apparently he does not practice what he preaches....sad.

Deviant porn has led to abuse
by: Anonymous

I am 49 years old, married 28 years, and we have a daughter who is 10. I have known about his porn addiction for 20 yrs. When I first confronted him about it, he pledged to quit, change his behavior, went to a therapist, and I managed to heal myself. I felt betrayed, less than, not attractive enough, even though in fact I was beautiful. Years later, his consistent pursuit of deviant sex has manifested itself in our sexual relationship. One night I was pretty hammered and we were having sex. I trusted he would not do anything I did not want to be done to me, but I was wrong. The next day I felt like I had been raped. Although it really wasn’t quite like that, I made a comment to him but did not really address it. I felt ashamed, disrespected and quite frankly sad that I could not trust my own husband. I shared with him that I felt fear, could never really let myself go in intimacy and felt as if I had to always say no and ruin the moment. I think I know I can’t fix it. I love him truly and he loves me, but I don’t see a way forward. I don’t believe he can stop. I have stated it will cost our marriage if he does not. And I truly think our marriage is over, if not now, then in the near future. I am sad beyond words and want our marriage to work. The thing is - I can’t give him what he wants without trust and assurance I will not get hurt. I don’t trust him because he’s given me no reason to trust him and I am sure that his obsessive behavior in watching this deviant porn (because it’s really disturbing and not your average) won’t stop. I don’t see us coming together on this - only because this has been going on for years. It’s now to the point where I fear for myself, I am apprehensive, not sexually free to explore because I feel fear of what he would do to me if I am again in a compromising position. If he can really quit watching this disturbing crap, perhaps there is hope. And there lies the real problem, he just won’t quit.

I thought I was crazy!
by: Blue

I've been going thru this hell for a few years now. Someone here said silent hell and that's exactly what it feels like. Who can I tell about what I’ve been going thru and what's been happening, because it's so embarrassing and disturbing! I read my story thru all of yours. I have the kids, I’ve heard the "I’m sorry" 100 times, I looked thru the Internet history, I've found him with his private all lubed up. I've cried, I've pleaded, I've asked to please explain why so that I can understand and nothing. I'm to the point where all I feel is so much anger I’m walking on that thin line of love and hate. At this point, on most days, I would love to kick him right in his product infested privates! Lol, sad lol because if not I would just cry which I haven't done in a long time. If he doesn't say something soon I'm just giving up. I want to be happy and I wanted him to look at me and really see me, but he spends more time looking thru the list of online sluts. Lol (not really), but I get it. I watched them when I first found them to see what it was all about and the pictures stayed in my head like a lit-up Times Square billboard. I feel disgusted and ugly and betrayed and disrespected and he possibly can't care if I told him all this and wrote and texted and emailed. It feels good to vent.

His addiction ruined our marriage
by: Anonymous

All of these comments sound so familiar. I have been married for 10 years and I have 2 young children. My husband and I have had a rocky relationship for a while, but we haven’t had sex in a year or two. He neglects me emotionally and physically and chooses porn and masturbation over me. He’s so addicted to porn that he can’t physically perform with a human anymore. I’m so disgusted by him and how he has treated me for the past few years. I am fed up but don’t know what to do. I would leave but my son has a chronic illness and I need my husband’s help to take care of him. I can’t imagine ever having sex with him again- I feel like he has all these images in his mind and would be only thinking of that while in the act with me. So what’s the point of staying in a marriage if there’s no intimacy, emotional love or anything?

I left & you can too..
by: Anonymously GONE

I’m so glad I found this site. I’m 26 & recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years after finding out he is addicted to porn.

I am writing this to tell anyone who needs to hear this… You are NOT obligated to fix your spouse, husband, boyfriend, man, whatever he is to you regardless of what your family, church, and friends tell you. Most of these men developed these horrible, disgusting habits way before they even knew you existed. So why is it supposed to be your life duty to fix them?

I’m sorry, but I believe your life has way more meaning than that. Even if you guys have a family together, maybe you two were only brought together to have these beautiful children & that's it. Maybe you two are supposed to go your separate ways. And yes, I totally understand why & how that can be hard to do. But can you imagine raising your children in that type of household? To have their dad to only look at their mother as an object & slave to their demands. Honestly, that sounds way worse than leaving & raising those beautiful children by yourself, in a loving home.

My heart breaks after reading some of these stories. Please get out & soon as possible. Focus on you! I believe in you!

Sick and tired of the lies and addiction
by: Anonymous

Hi everyone,

I am sorry to hear so many unfortunate stories about porn and its adverse effect on people and their families. It wears everyone down and brings nothing to those individuals who partake in it. The main problem is the lies associated with porn as ultimately the lies that break trust. It's not easy to get excited by a partner who lies, spends time masturbating to a fake world, and only thinks of themselves. Porn is getting worse - people are now viewing horrible acts that shouldn’t be considered normal...how could this have happened. I feel so sorry for the generations to follow.

I wish I had an answer for everyone's situation. It is not easy, especially when children are involved. And it's not easy if you don't have the right support. A lot of people still do not understand porn and where it has evolved to. And it's not easy when you are lied to constantly. I think it's a day-by-day situation. Just try to take care of your health!

If I had known what I know now - I would never have married the prick! Not to mention, I would never have treated him the way he has treated me - like an object. Porn objectifies women and this is where many of the behaviors are drawn from.

How do you ever trust again, and how do you trust someone who says, after they have lied thousands of times, - "oh, I promise I will never do it again"?

I wish I had the time to be addicted to something, but I have three kids to look after, a job and a household to run. Although, I would love to be addicted to a kind, warm and gentle man...maybe in my next life!

For the mom of 3
by: Patty

For the mom of three. We all are going through what you are! You can get child support. PLEASE DONT WASTE YOUR LIFE on him it doesn't get better. Read all these posts. I know you will be able to find love. I wish I would have known about this site 15 yrs. ago. I was so naive about porn addiction and now I am 54 yrs. old. Don't let your kids live a life like this!

Hits too close to home for me
by: Anonymous

Wow! Hate to say it, but I feel a sense of relief that I am NOT going crazy. I too am experiencing many of these same issues you all are. He has an alcohol problem that just makes it all that much worse. We have now been married for 16 years. For the first 12, I just had a gut instinct that something was not right. The lies, the manipulation, the excuses on and on. I finally did the math. Something just didn't add up with what he was saying. Spent 4 years researching the internet with all that was happening and discovered that he had a personality disorder.

About a year ago I discovered that he had placed a passcode on his cell phone. I questioned him on this only to have him lie to me that it was because his coworkers were getting into his phone. I fell for it. Then one day the ding goes off on his phone and I read the name of his coworker. A young girl 30 years his junior and the boss's daughter. I questioned him again and he held his phone so I could not read what he was writing to her. I warned him that his behavior was very inappropriate and that it could cause him to lose his job.

I thought he stopped but it only continued after the passcode came off for a week or two to appease me. A week ago I accidentally saw his phone he forget to take with him. If you want to get past that passcode ladies, just keep a watchful eye when they least expect it. You rattle their cage and they get careless. He did and I saw his passcode. Never said a thing. Now I am taking pictures of all his texts EVERY single evening as proof while he is sleeping. Maybe a bit of an invasion of privacy but that SOB will see what KARMA is all about when I get done with him. No respect, lost all my trust and this is what I live with? I deserve so much better. His porn addiction, explicit sexual language to a 20-year old whose name is always getting changed in the contact list to throw me off is disgusting. When he gets upset with me his recent phone call list is filled with women's names.

Ladies, learn more about how to access his phone. They leave a trail. His way or the highway as he says. Wrong buddy, now it's MY turn. BYE-BYE! Stay strong you can do this and nail that SOB for lack of respect and trust.

Hard to believe...
by: MomOf3_Agh

So here I sit in my bathroom at almost 2 am. Finally got all 3 of our children to sleep two girls and one boy ages 2, 4, and 7. I have been married for almost 10 years and I am 29 years old. So I have been neglected mentally and emotionally now for years. My husband (since that's what he's called) doesn't feel like he's anything more than a roommate. He literally lays in his bed all day and night on his phone. I would be laying in what was our bed and could just feel that disgusting feeling and as weird as it sounds feel in my heart him watching porn even though he is always too tired to do anything at all around our home or with our children. I got the courage to look on his chrome past search history etc. and found all kinds of porn use.

Now I haven't had intimacy in months and it just makes me mad and hurts horribly. I worked so hard to get my body to where it is now. I am 145 lbs. and 5"11. I always have people tell me, oh you’re so beautiful or have men flirting with me but my own husband doesn't even touch me.

I happened to see the same porn video repeatedly and as soon as I clicked to see what it was I was beyond disgusted. A few months prior to this he had shown me a small clip and was basically asking me if I would try what the woman in the video was doing. No one can tell me that men don't fantasize that they are performing those acts on these women while they are masturbating with their wife and children in the other room. I guarantee had I tried the act in his mind, he would be trying to imagine me as her.

He is now so disrespectful to me to the point I don't want to continue in this marriage. But considering I'm a stay at home mom to 3 young children, I don't have any money or anywhere to even go. I feel so disgusted just looking at him because I keep seeing the videos that he obsessively watched and the things he searched for.

I'm mad that I wasted so much of my life on him only to be just unloved and uncared for and tossed away. I don't know what to do anymore, but emotionally and mentally I feel like I'm breaking down. :-( He acts like it’s not a big deal when he knows the issues from our past. And I even wholeheartedly crying told him that it made me feel like I wasn't good enough, yet he still continued watching and thought he was hiding it better. I'm not trying to brag myself up but I'm not an ugly woman and to know he would rather masturbate than have sex with me has broken my heart and changed who I am inside.

Oh, he promises to stop looking at it but it’s Deja vu because we have been here before. I wish I had some women going through the same things to talk to. I need some encouragement because I want to be happy and to someday find a man who accepts me for who I am and chooses me over porn. Men have no clue how bad they are damaging their family by being selfish and neglectful. I'm not a cheater but I'm almost to the point of finding someone who actually wants to have sex with me. My love language is physical touch and he never touches me and is hardly even in the same room. If I had the money I'd leave and start a new life for my children and because we all deserve better than this.

Not Alone
by: Anonymous

I am 64 years old and my partner is 58. (I am a youthful 64!)

We have lived together for 6 1/2 years. Within a month or two of living together, I discovered he was looking at porn on my laptop. I confronted him and he promised not to do it again. Ha-ha. Of course, he did and that is when I should have kicked him out.

After only a few months of being together, he lost interest in sex with me and used excuses of getting older, etc. I am 6 years older than him and I did not want to give up sex.

Of course, he was still using porn for his sexual satisfaction. After 3 years together, and no sex at all for 2 of those years, we moved to another city so that he could start a business. Right after we moved, I discovered he was soliciting sex on Craig's List. He cried and begged and I said he needed to go to counseling or I was gone. He went to counselling but nothing changed. I do believe he had women in our home and bed from Craig's List. I confronted him but of course, he denied it. When the bedspread was on the bed backward, it was because the cat had vomited on it and he had to take it off the bed to clean it. Yeah right!

So here I sit, 6 and a half years in, with no sex for 5 and a half years. He is very kind and thoughtful in other ways and we do not speak of his activities/addiction.

I plan to leave; there is no changing these men no matter what they or anyone else tells you.

I have gained 40 lbs. as he has made me feel ugly due to his rejection. I am very happy to have found this site. We all deserve better!

Am I crazy?
by: Anonymous

After 18 years of marriage, I discovered that my husband is addicted to porno, masturbation, and in general sex. Although he says he has never cheated on me and uses these other things to release stress, I feel very uncomfortable with the whole thing. He says he does not have sexual complaints about me, there is a difference in how he feels with pornography as compared to making love to me. When I confront him he tells me that it has always been like that, I just didn't discover it before, so "what does it matter, we have been happy right?"

He has been a great husband. I thought I knew him, but he has a dark side, like every human being I guess. I am no one to criticize and yet, it is so painful. All of this got discovered when I realized he was having issues with Alcohol and chatting with a woman over WhatsApp. He got so scared when I caught him that he paralyzed in fear and instead of clarifying what was happening (alcoholism), he deleted all the conversations and protected her by not wanting to make a call in front of me to tell her their friendship was over.

I gave him/us a Chance, we worked on rebuilding trust very hard. Just 2 months afterward I find out he’s watched pornography and masturbated almost daily for years, because simply "he likes it". I feel my world has gone upside down. I have looked for help, read articles to learn, to open my mind but it still hurts so much...I can't get over it...I feel contaminated...all I have in my head are these pornography images (although I asked him several times to watch it with me, he also said no because it was embarrassing to him), lies, secrecy...

Am I crazy? Am I exaggerating? Am I going to break my family and marriage because of this? In my eyes, he lost my respect, and when respect is gone, love fades slowly...He says that he loves me.

It's hard
by: Anonymous

I’ve read all the comments and their stories are so much like mine. Like the last comment in which the lady said the church said to forgive her husband. My church used to tell me to treat my husband like Jesus would and that I am here to save him. All that did was make me feel like I had to stay with him. And I also gave up everything for him and I don’t have a career either. So I feel stuck. I play the lottery all the time and pray that I hit it just to get me out of this mess. That’s the only reason I am here! If any of you can get out, don’t stay for love. Because it doesn’t get better. They don't change. It's a sick disease.

Leave now
by: Anonymous

It doesn't get better. I married him at 18. Found out about his addiction at 30. He'd had it since he was about 12. I always knew something was wrong, but I thought it was me. I stayed and had kids with him because I was in church, and they seem to put so much pressure to forgive, stay married, help him, etc. But he never changed. He cried, he went to counseling, he went through programs, but always went back to it. It destroyed me. I finally quit sleeping with him 3 years ago because it had been making me physically sick for years. Now I'm 58, no career because I raised the kids, but I have one adult child who's suicidal and moved back home, so I had to quit school and can't chance putting him through a divorce right now. The others have things like OCD, anxiety, learning disabilities, I believe from the stress I had while pregnant. He was never a molester, but living with an addict drove me crazy, and it affected the kids. Leave while you're young, you can work to support yourself, and you're not destroyed. He needs to fix himself, and you are not called (or able) to save him. Your kids having a healthy mom is way more important than having a dad just to have one. I still hope to leave someday. I want to have a few years of happiness before I die.

Sad
by: Anonymous

I live in a silent hell. I’ve been married for 14 years and always knew something was wrong but just couldn't put my finger on it. He was in the military and was gone a lot, so I didn't catch it right away. After he retired we had already been married 10yrs. That's when I kept catching him on the internet and sneaking laptops I had no idea he had bought!! Or if I leave and forget something and have to come home quick, I’ll catch him. Then I found he was using a different address and had a credit card and was buying porn on the internet, buying DVDs… it just goes on and on. We are still married. We have gone to counseling but it never helped. We haven't slept together for 10yrs now. We are basically roommates. We don't have kids together. He is my second marriage. He makes all the money is the house and carries the insurance. At this point I am numb. I pray to God every day to take me out of this pain because I’m not happy. I don't know what to do. I try to talk to him but he just gets mad and says he is not looking at it. I know he is. They view women so poorly looking at this crap. I ask him why he didn't just tell me he was addicted to porn! I left my first husband because he was an addict to pot. Now another addiction and it's hard to talk about this one!

Leanna, I love your story - thank you
by: Anonymous

Go, Leanna!! I love that you're in a place of getting to know you. And I am glad that you no longer feel guilt, as this was never your fault.

Your children are so lucky to have you - you teach them to respect themselves and you teach them to respect others. That's what this all boils down to.

How can a human teach others to respect when they don't respect themselves?

I hope things keep getting better. Take care. xo



Taking back your life. Bury the past and change what you can
by: Leanna

This is my 3rd post and now I’m ready to say my name is Leanna. I’ve been married for 35 years. I have finally come to terms with the fact that the first 30 yrs. we’re just a lie. The only thing that was pure and true were the 2 births and raising of our two beautiful children who are both successful.

I’ve learned to stop blaming myself, being ashamed and quiet.

I have come clean with all 7 of my siblings, which has been the best thing ever because I have my support system back. "AWESOME!" One of the worst things we do is not confide in our family. For me, I didn’t want to lie, so instead, I stopped communicating with them. It was a bad decision, but at the time I was so full of shame which is complete BS! I finally realized I need to put myself first. Why not? He’s been selfish the whole time and continues to be. So I’m hiking, eating real food, and sticking up for myself. Gone are the days of being threatened about leaving because I’m not scared to be alone. When there’s no intimacy, you’re pretty much living alone already.

Every chance I get I tell both my kids to remember one another, respect your relationships, be truthful, loving and build intimacy every day. I still have crappy moments but they are getting less and less.

I also have come to terms with the fact that my husband is a liar and he will never change. Of course, he’s always bragging about how he’s changed, but the truth is I cut access to all porn sites on his phone, iPad, iPod, and TV. But you know there is always the daily pathetic w****s who think their value is in their looks walking among us. So I pretty much don’t go anywhere with him because frankly, it’s embarrassing the way he acts like he’s in heat. I’m sure you all know what I mean.

I finally took off my wedding ring because it was a constant reminder of my failed marriage. So its baby steps for me. I’m choosing to stay, but not choosing verbal abuse. He still tries to pull his BS, but I shut it down. Yeah, I still have crappy days (not going to lie), but all I have to do is get my butt up on a mountain for a hike. It’s amazing what exercise does for you; all the happy feel-good hormones (that you get got to say sometimes it better than sex).

I mean really you all know how cruddy sex is with a person who views women as T&A only. There’s no foreplay, no orgasm for you, it’s all about that 3 min lack of self-control. And after a while it a no brainer; do I really want to spend another day frustrated or get out and hike? Well, that where I’m at this moment, pretty much learning to get to know this person I am all over again. And yes, there have been many thoughts of what did I ever see in him?

I’m praying every day for my heart to heal 😩

I still don't know what to do...
by: Anonymous

For 17 years, I have been lied to, and I look back and wonder and reflect on a life that I wasn't living because it was not real. I am in a situation that I never thought I would be in - I had not thought that the man I married would lie to me but also gaslight me. He lied about his use of pornography, saying that he never looked at porn. He lied to me about our finances; he put us in debt over half a million AUD (sharemarket). I knew nothing about the share trading. It was all done behind my back. And he lied to me about masturbating next to his daughter. My daughter came to me and told me what she had seen daddy doing - he denied it and made something up. It took a lie detector test for all to be revealed. He had masturbated next to his daughter close to 30 times.

On top of all this, there are so many other things that go with his story of lies and betrayal.

I feel weighed down. I feel let down. And I feel sorry for my beautiful children because they do not get the chance to explore a wonderful sense of family life - why? Because their mother cannot stand to be with this lying human.

At the end of the day, it's the children who suffer most from this, and it's the children that we need to protect.

Children are sex-trafficked because of the pornography industry; every click is generating more and more abuse. Please if you have an addiction, fight hard to overcome it because you are better than that. And if you are in a relationship, please think of the children and what's best for them. I know it's not easy. The objectification of women, men and children is dehumanizing.

Please keep writing on this forum and share your stories. I wrote here over a year ago and have read every post since. I would love to hear how everyone is going and where their stories are at.

Porn is Evil
by: Anonymous

Men have to want to quit. I have been trying to quit this since March, go a few days without and then relapse. It's been the same battle over and over again. It's like I become mindless and unable to control myself. I also suffer from severe depression and anxiety, and on bad mental days, the urges are much worse. Brain scans show a change in the brains of porn addicts, similar to brains of drug addicts. I am not going to give up trying to quit though. I never thought I would be an addict or thought I could lose control of myself like this. I always wondered why alcoholics couldn't just stop and now I know. It's pretty much the same thing.

The brains of porn addicts have been rewired. Depending on how long they've been watching, it may not be as simple as just turning it off. I have experiences physical withdrawal symptoms when going off of it for a week. My brain has become used to the chemicals, dopamine, and hormones produced by this addiction. But I will keep fighting until I win. I cry in bed many nights thinking about how I can't stop. But I DO WANT to stop and am working towards it. I have joined some support groups and talking to other addicts has helped. This is also caused by depression issues and hatred I have always had for myself and how I have been treated by others. If your husbands are watching porn and addicted, they HAVE TO work towards quitting. There is no other solution. Porn sucks the life out of people, relationships, everything. They need to admit they have a problem and that porn is evil. Denial is not going to help the family.

13 months
by: Anonymous

If you have only been married 13 months I know it’s going to hurt but. Do you want your whole life ruined? Cause read all these posts. It doesn’t get better! There no cure for this. They hide it, they get sneakier. We all have computers or phones, and even if you got rid of internet access, they would find ways of getting photos or DVDs. It's a sick disease.

Like banging my head on concrete daily.
by: A damn fool

I have only been married for 13 months. I just recently discovered my husband's internet obsession. The worst part is the lies. He says his buddy used his account, but it's his info and his mysterious email address I just discovered. He watches porn but he also signs up for numerous cheating and dating sites. I thought it began during our separation 5 months ago but I just found a profile he created 3 months after our marriage. If I question him he gets furious and just lies and then brings other people in, like his so-called allies who will say it was them. If it was me doing this he would definitely kill me. He expects loyalty and respect yet gives none. This is hands down the most painful experience of my life I have no one to turn too nowhere to go.

I lied and now I truly regret it
by: Anonymous

I have read through the posts and I’m heartbroken. I’m in the same situation, I have been using porn since puberty. My girlfriend and I have been together for three years now. She found out in my cellphone and in my browser history that I’ve been looking for porn images. She explained to me that she felt betrayed by this and I apologized every single time it happened. I’ve promised to never do it again, but I fail. I really love her and it makes me feel so bad when it happens. I didn’t have the will-power to stop once I’m on it. That was when I realized that I could have some porn addiction. Now I feel that I can’t regain her trust. I don’t want her to leave me, but I won’t blame her if she did. I accept my mistake and I’m fully committed to finding help to quit it. I just hope that is not too late, that she doesn’t leave me, and that we could go through this together. I truly desire to stop it and I’m open to doing everything possible such as accountability software, counseling, and everything that takes to stop this and help me to be a better person for her.

I just don't understand it
by: Anonymous

I read these comments and it just makes me mad and sad. My husband goes to work, comes home, goes to his room cause we don't sleep together anymore, and he on his phone the rest of the night. He acts like he can't stand me. I pray to God every day for help and nothing has changed. Does he really like this kind of life? I just don't understand it. Women on the internet he will never meet. He is willing to give up his family for this? He should be ashamed of it.

If I start digging and show him that I know he is still looking at porn, he will say he stopped or he will until I get the energy to prove him wrong again. This been going on for 14 years. I just give up now. I just want to know why, if you men know you're addicted, would you even get married and ruin someone else’s life?

Addiction
by: Anonymous

Porn use can be a horrible addiction just like drugs or alcohol can be. I am a man who has suffered from this addiction for so many years, even before getting married. I have tried and tried to stop but have relapsed. I am currently on a new journey of healing. When I watch porn I get no enjoyment out of it. I hate it, but it can become an addiction and compulsion that cannot be stopped. While I'm watching I cry out to God to please help me stop, but I lose all control of my mind. I also have a lot of shame. But like with any addiction, one must be willing to admit they have a problem and put in the effort to quit. I'm in a porn addiction support group now and have found it helpful. If your husbands are continuously using porn, odds are they are addicted, even if they don't admit it to themselves - like an alcoholic! They need therapy and to really figure out why they are doing this and a commitment to stop.

He doesn’t need me so why not just go
by: Patty

I am married to a porn addict. I had no idea he was addicted to internet porn when we got married 14yrs ago. The sex was only about once a week back then and I was 40. I am 54 now and haven’t had sex in 8 yrs. He doesn't do it in front of me (he still in denial). He tells me he’s not looking at it, but I caught him time and time again. What does a person do when you have your whole life with someone and they chose to do this? I feel so alone. I can’t talk to my family about this. We’ve gone to counselors. He is the breadwinner of the family. I feel like, why did he even marry me if he knew he was addicted to porn. He doesn’t even have sex with me, so why am I here? I tell him he doesn’t need me so why not just go!

Run
by: Patty

All I can say is my story is just like all yours. If you can, run as fast as you can! It only gets worse! And start your life over!

She left because of my addiction
by: Anonymous

Yes, the tittle says everything. We were married and I was lucky to meet her as she helped me leave the third world country where I was stuck. We got married and lived happily for the first months, but then her mother gave me a computer as a gift. I was planning to have a YouTube channel and start working from home. I started again calling girls over skype and having that hidden pleasure and not telling her anything about it. I was passive aggressive whenever there was a problem. Even small arguments meant I would the house and I leave her alone. I was stuck in my misery and I am stuck now again. Sometimes I feel like the only way to feel free from that is to end my life. I live now with my religious parents back in a third world country. All my dreams of finding a good job and having a family and a lovely wife have disappeared in front of my eyes and I’m not able to change it.

I am a virtual sex addict. When I was dating my ex-wife long distance, she loved the way I was interested in her and wanting to see her. But she was over my screen and once I was with her in real life, I could only handle it a few months before but I went back to my old ways again. I deserve to live lonely until I die lonely in my grave. I hope God will take me and forgive me for what I have done. But I want to die without pain because I have lived with too much of it.

Porn and lack of respect
by: pmw

So ladies, how do we deal with this? How do we go on? Our self-respect is shot, we are SO humiliated-- I re-read my posts and read everyone's responses-- I feel so much better knowing I am not alone, so SO sad that others are going thru it---but still I ask, now what? I actually did tell my sister during a super bad period of time, and she was shocked and now avoids me as she doesn't know what to do to help--telling her that just her knowing and listening helps, turns out to be just too much for her--so going to anyone else would be the same or worse-- My problems ARE my problems---I can't fault my sis for not wanting to deal with such a mess---so, do we just continue to wallow in our misery? Does anyone have any realistic answers?

It can be conquered...
by: You can....

Keep reading all the posts... Look at all the common denominators. What gives? Same story over and over. The porn they have today has subliminal messages for them to keep coming back, that’s just the beginning. I have a whole lot to say about it. One thing I want to say is that it can be conquered!!!! Ladies, you’re going to need to put on thick skin and be ready to battle the devil himself. You don’t have time to waste.

How do I know this!? Because we conquered it!!! I was just like all the other wife’s on here except I didn’t back down. I took the bull by the horns and went charging in... You’ll never get that time back, but you can make your future completely different. You are all strong lovable woman with value. Mine was addicted for years!! He’s free of all of it! Porn is the gateway for much more deviant behavior. When it gets old, they need more and much more disgusting until they start living it. Hence, the hookers, massage parlors, random hookups, you name it.

Let me say it again it can be conquered, but get ready for the battle. I’ll post more if anyone is interested. To start I’ll say this, take away the source. That means unplug your TV, get him a flip phone and absolutely no internet (not even to look at normal news). Get him out of electronics and back into real life. Explain this is the start and if you want to have a future, it starts now... and don’t break for 60 days... no electronics...

I will say if he’s not willing to do this or if he is physically abusive... you need to leave. Get out and don’t look back...

Same lame lies... same excuses...
by: Anonymous

I’m shocked by all these stories... I’m in a similar situation. We got together 20 years ago. I was young and naive I guess... When I first found the porn I felt sick to my stomach, angry, crying and upset. I lived many miles from family and was very homesick. Then the promises started; "I’ll never do it again, I’m sorry, bla bla bla."

It was around this time I started overeating and drinking too much. I put on a few pounds very quickly and lived in a cycle of catching him or afraid to leave the house knowing he would be at it. I would search everywhere, find stuff, argue, cry, and not speak for weeks... Then more overeating and more wine to numb all the nonsense around me... All the while never being able to tell anyone out of embarrassment & some stupid sense of loyalty. That said, where is his loyalty?? So I could never open up about it...

In order to get head peace, I stopped looking. It’s easy sometimes to turn the other way and pretend. Then something else happened... it’s been a long time and I kind of hoped it was all done. But this is something else he is taking to another level that could affect his job. I’m done having sex with this man. His cheap thrills and always chasing the next Big O means more to him than me. How can you carry on loving someone who repeatedly lies and has no respect for himself or his wife? The sex industry, internet, and magazines have a lot to answer for... Sometimes I joke in the next life I’m definitely coming back as a man as it’s an easier time for them... But actually NO thanks... I couldn’t think of anything worse! Marriages & relationships in the future I think the majority will have issues and many will be doomed before they even get started. It’s sad... Really sad.

Hate the secrets
by: Anonymous

I have so many concerns, my husband watching porn for at least an hour a day in the bathroom that I know of. Every device he uses has a password on it. I have found evidence in the past of him contacting escorts and looking up women on Craigslist. I confronted him with these things in the past and he told me he was just curious. He told me he thought he did have an addiction to porn and was going to work on it. I have no idea if it’s better or if he’s just better at hiding it but I definitely know that every day he looks at least an hour in the bathroom right outside the kitchen. I just don’t know if this is normal behavior. I hate knowing we been married for so many years and this is still going on.

Bizarre Behavior
by: AnonymDenise Howardous

I am 60 years old my husband is 67 and he’s been addicted to porn for years. If I had known, I would never have married him (we’ve been married 32 years). We do not have sex anymore since I was in my late 40's. He told me he did not want to have sex with me and it really hurt me. He buys hundreds of nude books. But lately he’s been acting strange. I went under his mattress and looked in one of his nude books and a sandwich bag felled out of it. I was so shocked to see in the sandwich bag were photos of my family, pictures with the head only. He had pictures of my two daughters when they were young in there, my sister and 2 cousins, a friend of the family. It is so bizarre that it’s only pictures of their heads. I almost had a nervous breakdown. I told him I am done with him. Praying he found him a place soon. I can't trust him anymore and I do not love him anymore. Don’t put my family or kids in your books with only their heads in a plastic bag. What is he doing with the photos of my family? He's so mean now. I can't even talk to him at all.

Living a life with a porn addict
by: Anonymous

I have no answer!! Porn has been part of my husband's life my entire marriage!! I am stuck, I am just the depository!! He fantasizes with me and only uses me as the depository!!!!!!!! I feel empty and lonely! No gifts and fake affection can fulfill me anymore.

26 weeks pregnant
by: Anonymous

I've had problems before in our relationship... With porn. Never thought it was this bad. I actually track it back almost every day since I've. Pregnant. This pregnancy has been super hard, overwhelming and I've been so sick... I work 40 hours and we have 2 young boys... Today I caught him after I had walked out the door for work because I forgot my key's. I'm mostly upset because time after time I ask him not to watch it... He deletes history all the time. Only watches one type of porn, makes me feel very insecure. We've had problems before in our relationship... With porn. Never thought it was this bad. I actually tracked it back and it’s almost every day since I've gotten pregnant. This pregnancy has been super hard, overwhelming and I've been so sick... I work 40 hours and we have 2 young boys... Today I caught him after I had walked out the door for work because I forgot my keys. I'm mostly upset because time after time I ask him not to watch it... He deletes history all the time. He only watches one type of porn and it makes me feel very insecure. I just found all the porn on his phone. I just worked an 8 hour day, everything hurts and of course, the house is a disaster... But he still had time to watch porn twice today. And he watches it before every shower... I'm so done. It’s not ok. I just found all the porn on his phone. Just work an 8 hour day, my everything hurts and of course, the house is a disaster... But he still had time to watch porn twice today. And watches it before every shower... I'm so done. It isn't ok

RE: Husband won't discuss it and says I'm emotionally abusive
by: Anonymous in MN

Deborah, so sorry to read what you are/were going through. I could have written this post. I’ve given up trying to communicate with someone who yells and slams doors and walks away when I bring up ANYTHING. He was downloading "free" porn (a lot) but I know he is also sending money to some of these sites. He’s in debt and never has money for home repairs, etc. We do have separate bank accounts and credit cards but I’m worried I’ll be sucked into his debt. I found out years ago he spent a ton of money at strip clubs getting lap dances. I was shocked, to say the least. God knows what else he has done. Nothing but lies. There is no trust, no intimacy, and no communication. Just trying to be calm and not engage in the yelling and screaming, knowing at some point I will leave. Difficult right now with no steady income. You are not alone. Stay strong.

Lies and abuse
by: Anonymous

It’s not even the porn that bothers me so much it is the type he watches; incest, molested, teen this teen that. We have grown daughters and now granddaughters (one that we raise). I have no one to turn to, nowhere to go… He’s told me for 30 years I’m crazy and even had me put in the hospital and the doctors told me I’m not crazy, but I have PTSD because of his abuse! I’m to blame because I have allowed it to happen. He lies about everything and says his search history wasn’t due to his searches! I’m fed up and can’t take anymore.

Just found out
by: Anonymous

I had a gut feeling to check what my husband of 24 years had been spending all his time on in the office. I checked his browser history and found that he was looking at porn. Ok. I get it. It is not something new to us. We honestly used to watch it together sometimes to spice up our sex life. I am chronically ill and our sex life has been put on the back burner. I understand his needs and desires for sex, but I come to find out that he has been paying for an online service. Not only that but for the last 3 years. I confronted him and he shamefully admitted He has been addicted since age 14. He promises me that this is the only thing he has kept from me. He has been my rock through my illness and is a good person. I love him more than anything and I know truly he loves me. He says it’s not about me and wanting me. He says he’s addicted. He deleted the site and subscription. I pray that he will change but I am terrified he can’t get past this. We are planning on going to counseling. I love him. I don’t want to see our marriage end because of this but how can I believe him?

Lying for 10 years
by: Tired of worrying

My husband and I are a fairly young couple and when I first found out about his addiction I was too young to understand the depths of porn addiction. We are both in our early 30’s. We have four kids and been together for almost 10 years (married for nearly 5). He still desires me, tells me I’m beautiful and wants sex frequently. I just can’t deal with the fact that he spends hours watching porn. It has also led him to cheat on me physically a couple of times. He knows it’s an issue and says he wants to stop but doesn’t know how. I really love him and want to stay married but not at the expense of only having my husband’s affection part-time. I can tell when he actively looking at porn because he is not the same thing towards me emotionally. The lies and broken promises to quit has just become more than I can bear. I want out! I just hope I have the strength to walk away...

RE: Too old to deal with it
by: Anonymous

It hurts so bad, doesn't it? While we have spent our entire life investing in this life/relationship, now what? All of our dreams and hope have been destroyed. Right when we should be at the stage of saying 'ahhhh'--and sitting on the deck with a glass of wine while the sun sets---and here we are, too scared to even get out of bed and face the next betrayal. My heart breaks for you. I can offer no advice, as I am where you are. All I can say is YOU are not alone. I wonder how many of us are out there.

Too old to deal with it!
by: Anonymous in MN

It’s truly heartbreaking reading all of these posts. I will be 61 years old next month. I’ve been married for 38 years. Husband is 63. He has been addicted to porn probably since the beginning, but things have become unbearable these last few years. He can’t "perform" anymore (blames it on his age) yet he downloads porn and has stacks of porn DVDs and thousands of images. He was on a dating site several years ago. He’s bald, overweight and broke, but spends money on porn while I pay all the bills. And constantly lies about it. I’m having trouble finding work as a graphic artist so I can’t afford to leave. Will probably retire next year. I really don’t want to give up my home but I have no choice. He’s mentally unstable and I fear what he might do if I leave. I feel miserable and stuck. I have no desire to be in another relationship but I am terribly lonely.

This is no way to live. There is no trust. No love. No hope. I’m so tired of this. How you did deal with it? I have nobody to talk to.

Husband won't discuss it and says I'm emotionally abusive
by: Deborah

I had found three videos on the Fire that he uses daily. At first, it looks like nothing but after I click on Page 2 it's all free porn. When I stated something about it to my husband, he started telling me that I lie and that I am emotionally abusing him. He yells and screams emotional abuse every time now. Today I told him to sit down and that we needed to discuss our marriage of 26 years and decide what we are going to do. I told him that under the circumstances, I felt that we should divorce as he was never going to stop with the porn, sexless marriage, and how his personality had changed. He would not sit down and yelled that I was emotionally abusing him. So, as of today, I can't even discuss divorce. I don't tell lies and don't make things up so I don't know what he is talking about. He then proceeds to find a project outside. Nothing ever gets resolved and I am tired, lonely and feel that I am by myself on everything. When we went to the soccer game, he ogled and gawked at this one young woman for a good 30 mins. Yes, I had timed it. It was a constant looking at this woman and every time she had moved. I was told that I was making this up but guess what, I won't be going to any more soccer games with him acting that way.

Too old to deal with it!
by: Anonymous

I'm 65 and husband is 68 and we’ve been married for 47 and a half years. Both of us are retired and I WAS hoping for a wonderful retirement. Nope, I guess this has been going on for many years. About 3 months ago, somehow our computers got synced and I was getting popups from the notification screen with nude girls asking my hubby to text them. So like any normal wife, I started investigating things. Well, the husband has been very busy, embedding and zipping pictures and videos and of course DENYING EVERYTHING. He then got angry and called me a c*nt. He told me he was sick of me and I was the reason our marriage is going to end. He has had a heart condition so for many and I mean many years (which means no erection). He told me no more, reset the phone, reformatted computer. He also purchased a new computer and has apps on his phone that hides special stuff. He has pushed me and his kids and grandkids away and doesn't want anything to do with us. Valentine’s Day he placed a card, flowers, and candy on the counter and said happy Valentine’s Day. I had to ask him to hug or kiss me and he instantly got mad. I have no trust in him. Had put on 2 tv's YouTube so he can stream the sites he goes to. The list goes on and on I need some help and advice.

The Sink
by: Anonymous

You know that feeling when you first discover your husband’s addiction. Your stomach literally drops, you shake, and you are consumed by a rage so deep you practically black out. Discovering my husband’s porn addiction devastated me and shattered my heart. But, if we are all honest with ourselves, there were probably obvious warning signs along the way. The most accurate way to describe the betrayal, for me at least, is a hurt so deep that it is all-consuming. It is literal Hell on Earth.

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and together for about 9. We have 2 sons- a toddler and a 7th-month-old. We were friends first (although I had the biggest crush on him 😂) He was funny, smart, handsome, instantly likable, and charming. The first experience with his hidden life happened around Christmas 4 years ago. I turned on my laptop and discovered he had been watching videos of the Victoria Secret Fashion Show models run around backstage in lingerie. I truly believed my husband was unique and didn’t watch porn. Because he told me he didn’t and I believed him.

The great unleashing of truth via his browser history was probably the worst day of my life. I knew something was up. I kept finding strange cookie and cache files on his computer. I became the ultimate detective, wondering where he was going when he left angry and claimed he sat in a parking lot to think. I would sneak on the computer when he went to the bathroom but everything was always deleted. 3 years ago - I saw everything. I took screenshots. My heart broke. When he came back I confronted him and he acted like I was the craziest person in the world. That I was insane. Thank God I had experience with gas lighting from my mom who always chose me as her target. If you’re not careful you start to believe their garbage. He denied, denied, denied. When he finally confessed that ‘some’ of the files were his, he immediately blamed me for stressing him out.

That night became one of the first times I saw him as an abuser. Normally he was happy-go-lucky; well as long as things were on his terms and he was reaping the most benefits. He screamed, punched walls, cried. I left for a day or 2 but went right back to him. I wanted him to show he loved me and not some porn star. I wondered how I measured up in his eyes. If I was physically desirable to him then he wouldn’t be watching porn nonstop. I wanted to die and I tortured myself with continued detective work- I wanted to know what he watched. What sorts of girls he was attracted to. This was not curiosity. It was self-sabotage.

A year later and I was still playing detective, except now I am engulfed in my own addictions for alcohol/drug use, staying up all night searching his phone and computer for anything and everything. A few months later, we are engaged. I remember it feeling bittersweet. Every time I looked at him, all I saw was a lying porn addict. Our wedding day appeared happy to others I’m sure but we basically couldn’t stand each other. We danced to the song that reminded us of ‘us’ and I felt nothing.

That year still makes me sick- I truly thought I would die. I wanted to. He agreed to let me see his phone when I wanted and I never found anything obvious there. However, I had become so skilled at computers that I had uncovered deleted internet history.

One night after going alone to a bar, he confesses. I am somewhat relieved but he does not fully disclose. He says he’s stopped all porn since the previous year. To receive bits of the true story is a living nightmare. Each time he shares he feels relief, a burden lifted. For the wife, it is like reliving the initial discovery all over again.

We’re still together but often times we barely speak. Things will trigger me and he will say with annoyance ‘you need to stop bringing up the past and focus on the present.’ But what if his past is my present? He was well aware of his addiction but it was still news to me. The icing on the cake was when I found out he was frequenting adult boutiques and watching porn in the viewing booths. I used to think of those places as comical- like who actually goes there? I read some reviews of the place he went and the mental images infuriated while saddening me. I hate that he went there. I hate that he lost the WEDDING RING I gave him there. He admitted to taking it off before going in. I always wonder if he meant to look like a single man for a reason. I always wonder if he physically cheated.

I wrote a lot but needed to get things off my chest. It’s rare to find a friend who really gets it. The anxiety. The PTSD. The inability to believe that ‘boys will be boys’ and that porn is ‘normal’.

Right now I’m really struggling with my self-esteem. I had a baby in August and I’m still completely out of shape. He rarely initiates sex and only when and we will go long periods without having it. He doesn’t tell me I’m beautiful or catch my glance across the room at a party like he used to. Porn has become his idol and he is selfish, accusatory, and distant from me. He says he’s stopped but I don’t believe him. It’s said that porn addiction is processed the same as cheating but often more damaging. Instead of meeting real women, your husband has basically brought hundreds, even thousands, into your bed and his thoughts. I obsess over what he thinks about when we are intimate. I don’t know what will happen with us but I think I’ll always wonder if he thinks I’m enough. Despite the fact that research says that it is never the wife’s fault, I can’t help but feel less than and wish my husband chose me. We have both agreed that if it wasn’t for our kids we wouldn’t have stayed together.

I wrote a novel and it hasn’t even skimmed the surface of pain. The Sink might never go away.

Lack of respect
by: Anonymous

I don't seem to find anyone who shares my hell---my husband is also addicted to porn, however, it only makes him want to have sex all the time, and then he belittles me that I don't do it like the porn shows---While in the middle of sex--- there is absolutely no lovemaking or equal satisfaction. It is just me servicing him-- and he constantly criticizes how he would prefer this or that, that I am too weak of a woman because I let him get away with this or that. Once I was so sweaty from cleaning all day, and then I discovered he had been watching porn all day, he announced he wanted sex and now--then proceeded to criticize the look on my face--which I am sure showed absolute horror and disgust--yet he still turned it around that I should feel honored that my husband wanted me to service him----how the hell do I get out of this??? I seriously NEVER want to have sex again--but I am also 63, retired, and everything that we own is in his name--married only 6 years, and he has everything changed to his name only, and hides all financial stuff--- dude totally screwed me

Can't get an answer in Therapy?
by: Anonymous

Where to begin? The question is, does the content of porn matter? I found my 63 yr. old husband watching teenage girls and incest seemed to be a big interest for him. He's very introverted and I had no idea he was addicted to porn or even liked it? I found it on his computer. We have been together for 10 years. Sex never was good with him, but I just thought he was shy and very Christian and inexperienced. I thought I scared him as I am not shy and very comfortable sexually. There was no sex after the 1st 6 months. I felt he just had a physical problem. He is 8 years older than me. The rest of our life was pretty good. I'm very social, worked had my women group great friends, huge family. 7 years in I had breast cancer. It left me disabled to work from chemo and radiation. He received a promotion so I moved with him.

He was emotionally abusive and as soon as we moved it started. I discovered his Extreme porn addiction and that he had been this way for over 50 years! I only know that as it came out in therapy. He is also a compulsive liar, not just about porn, but about everything and told the therapist this in front of me. Said he had been all his life. WOW was I in shock? We went to therapy the day after porn discovery as he begged me to stay. She said I had PTSD. I soon found out he was masturbating to women he worked with, his friend’s wives, and my friends.

My security and self-esteem went right to hell. It was already rough after breast cancer. I used to feel very confident in the way I looked. The Therapist had him get a new computer when we started and told him to make sure the old 1 was wiped. I have another old one hidden. Why do they do that? What if he has child porn on it? I'm more upset a year later that he masturbates to the innocent woman at his office. The young girls would be so disgusted to know after they have had a meeting with him at work. Also, the men who view him as a friend. Their wives and daughters. I feel he may have targeted me in the beginning because I had young girls? I know he is too afraid of real women to act. Maybe? It does escalate and did make it into his workplace.

He doesn't enjoy sex except with a picture and masturbation. But when to keep silent? To my friends, his friend his work? I was really worried he was grooming a very young woman he worked with. He did have an emotional crush on her and admitted in therapy he would masturbate after she left his office. This to me is abuse of power. I caught him masturbating to 1 of my best friends. HIS best friend’s wife. I asked why he would disrespect his best friend. He said he did this to all his friend’s wives and daughters (he looks them up on FB.) They are not even sexual pictures of these people. He said his friend’s wife was because he was really mad at her. I knew he didn’t like her. That was way scarier than if he'd have said because I think she's hot!

He is weird about his mother in a hateful way. He hates women and obviously wants to punish them by pretending to abuse them sexually! He talks down to his mother. I hate it. He was single for 19 years when I met him. He was great to my family and to me except sex. But the rest was enough until we moved away from all my family and friends. I could tell soon that he resented me not bringing home money. Our therapist told him he was an emotional bully. I'm done with the relationship and we are just wrapping up final paperwork. Since he brought me here we bought a home. A cohabitation agreement was suggested by Therapist for my protection, IT is he will keep paying for my living expenses and when we sell I will receive 70% percent of profit. He did empty my savings account without me knowing. He will do this because he doesn’t want anyone to know about his porn work issue and that he took advantage of a woman with cancer.

Our counselor told me after a few sessions that he more than likely would not be able to ever stop. So I could accept it or move on. Then later, as I found out more, was worried and told me to plan. She felt he could kill me in a rage. He has never hit me. But he hates me because I now know what he does at work. He has an extra phone now for his porn. I feel obligated to protect the people at his work and I do have proof. But if I did that he will lose his job and who will take care of me?

After I caught him looking at his friends’ wife he quit calling his friend out of shame. His friend kept calling me, asking why he hadn't heard from my husband. I made up excuses for 6 months. I knew his friend’s feelings were hurt. We were supposed to retire in Texas with them. I finally decided I didn't do this. They are still MY friends. I told her the truth. It was hard as I love them both. He just doesn't value anything except himself and job.

I went through fear and deep suicidal depression, not over him, but allowing this into my family and fear of nowhere to live or job. I have it figured out now. I thought how is someone so cruel to one that has cancer? I learned he wanted to look normal with a family and have someone cook and clean and wait on him. This he will say now is partly true. He just didn't want to be alone anymore after 19 years. I talked to his ex-wife after I found out about the porn. She said yes, that is also why they are divorced. I asked her if she felt her daughter could have been molested by him, as I found that his choice of porn was a lot of incest and VERY young girls. She said no, that their daughter had been questioned before. She is a 38 year old woman now who has all the behaviors of a molested child. He has no relationship with her. He hasn't spoken to her in over 3 years now. He never tries to see her when we go there 2 times a year.

I feel like I will never trust again. I had a great dating life before I settled down for this disaster. I hope I'll find who I used to be, because she was beautiful and fun. It's going to take a while. I wish I would just go on a date to feel attractive again. I just can't. Breast cancer and a partner that's porn-addicted are real self-esteem killers! Boy my life has changed in 3 years. I fought so hard to live. But do not know how anymore. I know no one here where I live. I haven't a job. I did join the YMCA and bought a lamb and 2 goats! Lol. I do have a little Weiner dog that has been with me all the way! I love and miss people. This was a great way to tell my story. Please give thoughts on things I asked. I would appreciate it. Especially does what kind of content they prefer matter? Like incest? Like teen girls. He is 63.
w

I didn't beat Porn
by: Love>Money

I don't think I ever want to get married again. Doesn't seem like there are any men who actually care about their wife's heart. It sounds like lying is the "highest" effort they go to protect it. I can't even imagine a man holding my hand without it just being to cover up his interest in other women. Respectful women seem like they get the cold treatment the most. I don't want to lock myself for life with someone who is just seeing how many other women he can have.

It doesn't ever get better.
by: Anonymous

I've been dealing with this porn issue for 28 years and it has never gotten better. We had counseling and it looked like it was my fault and in my head. Now that he has retired, it has gotten worse. Yesterday, I notice an email address from a woman that I had seen a couple of years ago (I had deleted it back then). Now this email address had a G Pay button at the bottom, so I guess he has been paying for chats and video chats for some time now. Every time I find something, he blames it on someone else. There is no one else here. Then, he goes into the yelling, blaming me and telling me how good he's been to me as if that is going to make a difference.

I am retired now and hate to give up my beautiful home. We had just purchased it a couple of years ago. But, do I want to live in a nice home with someone I hate or leave and have nothing? I've got to get the courage to leave. I came from an abusive first marriage with broken bones. He had the porn problem too. After my disastrous first marriage, I had waited 10 years to remarry.

And now I've got to leave for how my current husband makes me feel. Early on in our marriage, he put a sheet over my head and choked me. He got into a lot of porn when I had gone on a business trip in my new job. Needless to say, I've had to quit many jobs because I could not deal with my husband's porn problems and continue to do my job. This stuff destroys a woman and I don't care what your confidence level was.

I'm done and will make arrangements to see an attorney soon. All I want now is to be free from porn. I don't care if I ever marry again. I have always loved sex and for the last 15 years --nothing. I'm done. But I want to state that this problem only gets worse as time goes on.

Need to talk
by: Anonymous

Would love to speak with someone in regards to this . I really need to talk to someone who has gotten through this!!

Give him the boot!
by: WasteNoTime

Hmm… I too was going to be the one that had to leave. Then, after his latest string of BS antics, any respect or trust I had for my now ex-fiancé was quietly snuffed out of existence.

A huge rift was caused by the discovery of his lies and appalling behavior a year ago. This was followed by his downward spiral of outrageous behavior. I finally forced myself to view my ridiculous situation objectively, as an observer. What I saw was laughably insane!!

What would I tell a beloved friend if she were me? I’d say, "He must be making massive bank to make that BS you put up with remotely worth it". My very recent ex is not making massive bank.

Don’t waste time on someone who makes you feel like crap as often as possible! He won’t change and YOU WON’T LIVE FOREVER!!!

Taking the emotional, ‘"But I love him" aspect out of the equation really helps level the ground. You don’t love him, you love the facade he presented. He couldn’t help but show his colors eventually. You can’t love something that doesn’t exist. He doesn’t love you. If he did, he wouldn’t lie to you, especially about something he knows affects you deeply. He would not hurt you over and over and over. He would share intimate behavior only with you and you would be his fire. He would share, not sneak and hide. He would build you up, he would show affection all the time.

Make him move out, then clean and redecorate your home, get a Roomie if needed.

Be with someone who makes you feel good 99.9% of the time. Get rid of the guy whose methods of dealing with pain are selfish and hurtful and offensive. Instead find a guy who is emotionally mature and confident enough to share his pain with you, or at least deal with it in a way you find acceptable.

YOU ARE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER. DONT WASTE TIME.

It’s a constant battle between should I stay or should I go?
by: Anonymous

After living with a mother who was addicted to Heroin then going through foster home after foster home, addiction isn’t new to me, but the porn addiction is when it comes to my significant other. He convinced me to move to another state. This where his support system is (family) is and he told me if we moved, I could get the job I want and play sports. He told me that it’ll all stop (the porn) because his being happier will help him fix this problem...

So I took that leap of faith, giving him everything he wanted to get better. And now here I sit crying and constantly thinking about what he’s doing throughout the day and knowing not a thing has changed. I feel so stupid and all I can think about is leaving because I don’t want his problem to become my problem and start affecting my everyday routine. It’s hard not to become angry, not to want to leave because not only have I been lied to once, twice, three but four times. I’ve become numb and everything that comes out of his mouth I could honestly care less about. We no longer have a relationship but instead are just two people who have learned to just exist around one another. When is enough support enough until it’s time to leave?

Lost him after 15+ years together
by: Anonymous

I’m in tears as I read these posts from all the ones going through the pain of losing their relationship or who have lost a marriage. I just first want to say, ladies, you are not alone! Please find a support group or confide in someone who can be there for you. I know that's going to be my only way out of this. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 20 years. I know he loves & cares for me and I feel the same way about him.

I also am able to see that it's not just him being a perverted-no-good-man because I know in his heart he is a good man. But as problems arise (which they always do because no relationship can be real without issues), a man may feel pain like we’re feeling right now. It’s like his manhood takes a hit and makes him feel like less of a man in front of the woman he loves. And hurts him to his very soul, where he seems to understand and finds his manhood; like his solid ground has suddenly been knocked out from under him.

He may be unable to regain his sense of self and then seeks to find it in the only way most men have been shown and taught to be a man, by "winning over a woman". I have seen this change happen before my eyes as I'm going through it. I know what is going on, but I don't believe for one minute that my boyfriend is a sick, bad, or disgusting man. He's basically a good person. I cannot make him out to be something he's not, just because he needed something to take away his pain.

It also doesn't mean I have to accept what he has been doing or stay with him because I feel he’s a good man. That's not what I AM saying. I believe I AM at the point of no return for our relationship. I love him more than anything and I don't have anyone else (no kids or family). But I do have a tiny bit of God and enough of my heart left to bring me out of this. And I will always have that to get me out of anything. It's going to be so hard, but I do understand I have to forgive and accept what's done is done.

Don't hate… it will get you nowhere. Forgive and show the person you loved that they do matter to you. You never know, it may just change their whole life around. And that's something to feel good about, whether they deserve your forgiveness or not. In God's eyes that what we are here to do. I hope every one of you ladies can believe you are not alone; just look up and ask for help and strength… you are not alone
💖

My friend checked her husband's credit report...secret credit cards
by: Anonymous

I don't think this is even legal to do, but my friend noticed their savings balance decreasing and eventually ran a credit check on both of them to try to understand their finances. She was shocked to find credit cards on his report that she was unaware of. She confronted him and threatened divorce if he didn't allow her to view the online statements. It took months to get him to allow her access, she even consulted a divorce attorney.

You see what's coming. Thousands of dollars spent on webcam porn and thousands in cash advances were on these cards. She never did discover where he spent the cash, but had a gut feeling he'd used it seeing other women or even on prostitutes or strippers.

They'd been married 23 years at this point with 3 teenaged kids. There;s more to the story but it'd take hours to type. She divorced him 2 years ago and seems to be doing really well now. I never knew how lonely she was in that marriage until she opened up during the divorce. I thank God she discovered it and was able to get off a sinking ship and start a new life.




It only gets worse...I hate to say it
by: Anonymous

I'm reading posts from people who suffered 30 years & those who suffered 2 years. You are the lucky one if you haven't spent almost half your life committed to a porn addict.

Read up on it & the chances of recovery. I hated to read it myself. Chances aren't good that he'll recover even with help. As he spirals out of control, he will disregard you more and more. He will lie as that's what addicts do. They are in pain & ashamed, so they lie. Next, he won't be able to perform in the bedroom. Men are terribly embarrassed when this happens, so he'll resort to more porn and avoid failure to get an erection with you more and more. When you're heartbroken and want to know why he avoids sex with you, he'll do the only thing he can do to protect himself and shift the blame...he'll tell you it's you.

It's heartbreaking. The loving, doting man you committed your life to becomes a stranger. He probably convinces you that you're too fat, busy, demanding in bed, not exciting, selfish, crazy, insecure, unfeminine, a bad housekeeper ... You get it. It's now mental abuse called gaslighting. If you stay, you start to believe it and your self-esteem sinks lower & lower. Now you've lost the strength to leave.

You tell yourself it's only porn. He eventually loses the ability to get an erection with porn, then resorts to spending thousands on live web-cam girls. When this stops working, you're "lucky" if he just has affairs. Many times they resort to prostitutes and unsafe sex.

At what point do you save yourself and leave? At 2 years? 5? 30? What you are finding is only the tip of the iceberg. These guys become master manipulators & spend a lot of time securing their activities. READ the stories above. Hear what happens to every one of these ladies. I didn't hear one of them say it's been 10 years and there's no sign of relapse.

Every one of us only has one life. Is this how you want to live it? Don't be in denial, don't be hopeful, and don’t lose years you'll never get back. You will once again love, laugh, enjoy your body and be bff's with someone else who will value your commitment and bond. Sounds impossible I know, but after you grieve the loss and look back in hindsight, you'll be SO HAPPY to be far away from it.

If you have children together, they need protection from this behavior. Being in a sick household with a dad obsessed with porn is destructive. Most of all, run far away from this for yourself. You matter!

26 years of marriage and husband is still addicted
by: Debbie

I am going through the same thing. After 26 years of marriage, I feel like I am worthless and have no value. My husband might as well be a zombie. No communication, affection, or sex. Everything about a man eventually goes out the window and their penis turns to a weenie! I am very disappointed in the lying as though I am stupid. This is my second marriage. I don't want to hear anyone state that porn is innocent. It destroys marriages and the people in the marriage! There is nothing left to appreciate when you get older. I’m looking to sell my beautiful home and divorce my husband later in the year. There is nothing left of my marriage and I'm not going to live this way. The S.O.B that I'm married to has been playing with himself the whole 26 years --Sexless marriage. It was not right! I used to have sex five times a day until the first husband got addicted. I no longer feel like a woman.

We are enough
by: Anonymous

We need to remember that we were always enough and there is absolutely nothing wrong with us; we just happened to marry liars.

30 years and done
by: Anonymous

I met him when I was 17 and married him at 18. His addiction was discovered when I was 19. Now, 30 years later and countless attempts to be enough for him I have filed for divorce. My heart aches...because I love him so much. I went with him down his addiction for a few times to get the affection he would shower out on me. He couldn't just have his porn and fantasies, he wanted to try to live them out in real life.

I lost myself trying to make him happy. Finally, he admitted he will never quit and I will never be enough for him. I hired a detective only to find out that my husband was an expert liar... right to my face without even batting an eye. Currently, I am devastated and every time I look in the mirror I hear his voice on how I am not good enough.

He doesn't even consider his addiction as a problem...fitting since sex sells in America. As long as nobody sees bruises on my face and no signs of drugs, nobody really cares. My pain has been 30 years of mental and sexual abuse from the man I loved the most. Perhaps that makes me sick as well. I cannot take this anymore and I now know he will never change and I will never be enough.

I can’t fix him
by: Anonymous

We have been together for five years and married for two years. I found out about his porn addiction about three years ago when he stopped having sex with me. I thought he was cheating on me and so I started going through his phone. I was almost relieved at that point to find it was just porn until I started being rejected all the time. He would rather get off on that than have sex with his wife. I have never felt so ugly and disgusting in all my life. I finally confronted him three months ago and he gave me the silent treatment for two weeks straight. I confronted him again a week ago and he actually tried to accuse me of cheating on him because I started going back to church!

I am getting my ducks in a row and will be leaving him in the next couple of months. I hate the thought because I do love him but I know I’ll never be able to fix him. He doesn’t want help. I begged him to go to counseling and he won’t go. I sold everything to move in with this man and we have a beautiful blended family. The thought of that being broken just destroys me but I know I have to be strong for my kids.

This addiction is soul crushing.

They never stop
by: Anonymous

I have known him for 40 years. We got married 15 years ago. He went from watching porn to texting and interacting with the women who pimp themselves out online, some with the help of their husbands. He posted gushing compliments to them about their beauty and bodies. He posted vulgar comments about what he wanted to do with them. He would hide these sites on his computer. I would find them and he would initially lie, tell me he wasn't watching, then eventually admit a little bit at a time. He was paying for on line porn sites. He would usually find one woman that he would become attached/infatuated/in love with and check her site several times a day, tell her she was the most beautiful woman in the world with the most beautiful body.

He started to get PIED. We went to counseling and within one month he was back at it again. This time I am leaving...he says he is "serious" about quitting THIS TIME. I hope he is, but it will be without me. I'm 64, he is 68. Tough to move out on your own at my age, with little money and bad health. But I cannot live with a man who wants to have sex with other women. He is back in therapy. Hope it works for him, but I seriously doubt it will. I am placing myself and my mental health first. I no longer love him and find him disgusting. Never thought I would find myself in this situation at this age. I thought about staying with him and living my own life...not interacting with him, but I would read the comments he made to women and just could not stand the thought of seeing him another day. If your man is watching porn, get out as soon as you can. Get out while you are young and healthy because if you don't, you will find yourself old and it only makes it harder to make the move. Get out. Run as far away from him as you can. Never look back. You will be OK. You will be better than OK.

Help me understand the latest act of covert sexual aggression
by: Anonymous

I have been married for 12 years and with him exclusively for 23 years. We were both single parents and waited until the kids were grown to get married and invest in a home. We are both 58 years old now. Several of our adult kids have struggled in adulthood and caused stress. He lost a brother to an accident and his mother in the past few years and has been depressed.

We both still work full time and I have had more success in my career than him, which I have detected signs of professional jealousy in him but didn’t think it was a deal-breaker. So, two years ago he started sneaking on the computer. Set the history to private, changed passwords, etc. I didn’t intrude and just noted it. Well, he left his email open once and I saw the tale tell "spam" that indicated porn sites were being accessed.

I also found a prescription for Viagra, which he hid from me. I wrote it off as insecurity and possibly ED, maybe age and depression over family deaths. Then he bought a movie camera. Then sex aids. And more! Like he went crazy on this crap. Bigger and bigger. Sex became miserable for me. He first said the camera wasn’t "on" it was just for him. Later, he said the filming was just for him to watch "later". He began to care more about filming than satisfying me and sex became a miserable experience and I finally exploded and destroyed the camera and all the props.

Well, he bought another camera. It started again. I look up and there is that sinister look and that camera rolling. I am completely revealed— but never HIS face. MY face, my crotch, and all. So I said "No! Why do you keep doing this?" We argued and HE went limp! Made me feel like a real prude! So I got on his computer, which I never did out of respect. My husband has been making video "stories" where he picks up "sluts" and has used OUR marriage to illustrate the stories! What the hell is this?????

To make matters worse, he evidently downloaded some sex videos from my married daughter's phone (his stepdaughter) that she sent to her deployed spouse. He must have stolen her phone while she was asleep. He deleted a bunch of stuff but has a collection of thumb drives that he took when we split up over this shit 3 months ago.

We are separated and I am trying to figure out what to do about this. We have joint property and finances so I can’t just leave. I feel violated and don’t see how I can ever trust him again. I’m thinking he was jealous because I was more successful and made more money so he was "punishing" me. We are not speaking at all. I sent him an email explaining how this hurt me and he simply made up a big lie as an accusation to shift the blame onto me. So he is in no way coming clean or being honest.

I don’t even know what to make of this insanity! Has anyone ever seen anything like this? It’s like marital sabotage or something. He has always been very passive aggressive but this seems pathological! I am furious and sad at the same time.

Always arguing about it
by: Anonymous

My husband has been watching porn since we started dating. We have been together for 20 years and I love him dearly, but this is something we always fight over. It even got so bad he could not get it up without it. He always says he'll stop, but then he relapses. I had thought things were good but I found out that he started back since my surgery. We were advised no sex for 8 weeks after. It is now a little over 3 months and have been active, but not like before surgery. Well anyway I found out and confronted him. He said it's because I’m never in the mood and never seem interested anymore. He does still seem attracted to me but our computer history shows he's spending a lot of time line, so I know where this is heading. It's always the same and I just feel I cannot do this anymore. I had hoped I could pretend he doesn’t watch but I know I can't. I don't want to leave him but at the same time I feel like this is about all I can take. Soon I will probably grow to hate him. I hope so, then it'll be easier because I hate the way I feel. I have tried everything over the years from talking, watching it together, trying to act more like the girls on the screen do but it always ends up the same. He goes back to porn. I actually thought about killing myself just to end all the hurt but then 24 hours later I'm pissed that I should feel that way when I have done nothing wrong. Porn defiantly damages a person and everyone around them.

Needing advice
by: Anonymous

I recently caught my husband watching porn late one night while I was sick. He said he is addicted and has been for years. I told him that he needed to stay with family members for the time. He’s been hiding this for years! I am devastated, and having been raped and cheated on in the past, I don’t know what to do. He claims he wants to get help and he blames it on his addiction, like being addicted to drugs or alcohol. It is going to take years to rebuild any relationship we used to have and to get this awful picture of what he was doing out of my head if I do stay.... and a lot of counseling. But who is to say he won’t do it again like he has done before? Does anyone have any good advice as to handling this situation?

34 Years and devastated
by: Anonymous

There is really nothing I can add accept to say thank you to all who have commented. Every post has helped me to gain insight and to not feel so alone or stupid. For those of you who have left or who will leave soon, be strong. You deserve the best and you will have it because you are taking the steps to give it to yourself. And for those of you who have decided to stay and support your spouse or partner while they get help for their addiction, I wish you all the best. I have met many spouses in support groups that have stayed and their addicted spouses are sincerely doing the work to stay on the road to recovery. As for me, my husband wasn't ready to get help so I had to leave. I can't fix or control anyone. Only myself.

Thank you so much to everyone for being open enough to share a part of your story here with me.
Peace!

Worst nightmare comes true
by: Anonymous

After a 36 year marriage to a liar ended I never truly thought I'd remarry. 1.5 years later I met what I thought was a wonderful man. I did a background check, I scoured his computer, found nothing. He wanted to get married and I said give it at least 3 years. We married and 4 months later I went to use his computer and it was logged into a porn website. I spent the day going through the history, his payments and online chats with these dirty, disgusting Filipino women went back 8 years +. He tried to lie but I had copied everything and changed his password so he could not delete anything. He has had relapses, he’s confessed to now he fears divorce so he just lies. I believe I will get divorced. This addiction accompanies masturbation addiction & maybe sex addiction etc.

Breast cancer survivor
by: Anonymous

I had my suspicions about my husband. So one day when he pretended to go to the store the same time I pretended to leave early. I went up the road a little way and turned around. By then he called saying he had made it home cause the make-believe store was closed. I didn't tell him I was coming home. When I finally made it back I was shaking. I knew what he was doing. I could sense him lying. Well, I walk in and he's watching porn. I got back too early for him to actually do anything. But he knew I was aware of what he did. We argued, he lied and then finally confessed. He stopped for over 2 months, but on the first day back to work I check his phone and he did it again. He knew how much it hurt and did it anyway. I’m so close to a divorce. I told him if he keeps it up I’m gone.

It will always be your fault
by: Anonymous

No matter what you do it will always be your fault. 34 years of marriage and I was made to feel like I was crazy. These guys are not real men; a real man is supposed to build up his wife and respect her, not lie and disrespect her. It’s the typical thing, they are thinking with their little head instead of their big head and we all know that when you chose to do that it makes you stupid. Men will never really truly know what it is to give unconditional love. But what they will do to you is wreck you emotionally, mess with your self-esteem, they will jack with you till your emotionally a f’d up mess so that they can manipulate everything. So for someone who has lived with a liar, remember once a liar always a liar. So instead of focusing on this piece of trash, I started focusing on myself (since all he knew was how to be selfish). I decided to be a little selfish and I started to walk, which has now turned into hiking. I have lost a whole other person and I’m now feeling so much better about myself. But one of the best things, I see him for who he is now… a pathetic storyteller (who by the way can’t even get it up, which by the way was always my fault just like every other excuse). Karma is a bitch!

porn and lies
by: Anonymous

I need advice. My husband is constantly telling me how beautiful I am and how much he is in love with me, but there has not been much action in the bedroom. He claims it’s a testosterone problem so I believed him. It turns out he watches porn everyday even at work. I went to visit my daughter for a few weeks and his addiction is getting worse. He has no problem masturbating to porn but he can’t make love to me. I think he has a Facebook account and another email. He lies and yells at me and tells me I am making stuff up in my head. I found on his feed how to watch porn without a trace but I see his feed anyways as he has google and it tracks all he says. I even heard it masturbating and watching porn. I guess he didn’t know the phone was recording him and it wasn’t me, it’s a feature he has on his phone. He sets his alarm to a certain time while I am asleep and he has become more aggressive and has a short fuse. He was never like that. He denies everything. If I bring it up he yells at me and tells me I am making things up in my head. I don’t know what to do but I am not happy. I don’t like secrets. Everything has different passwords and he lies a lot. I had him listen to it and he tore me apart calling me all kinds of names.

It never goes
by: Heart Broken M

After 6 years with a man that I truly loved, I am now tired of it all. I found out 4 years ago that he had a porn addiction. He said he would stop, but instead he become smarter about hiding it. When I went to work, he would do porn all day, yes that’s right from 6am to 4 pm every day. It has been the worst experience of my life and has destroyed me. When I suspected he was doing it again, I put on spy ware to see what was going on and that was the biggest shock ever. He was this man I loved looking at teenagers and younger, and I had no idea what to do. After much talking and seeing a therapist, I knew I had to walk away because it never gets better. My advice is leave the moment you find out. If you’re not sure put spy ware on the computer or phone and see the true picture before it’s too late.

I think you either missed the point or are in denial.
by: Anonymous

No, not every man looks at porn. Not every man who looks at porn is an addict. That is akin to saying everyone who enjoys the occasional cocktail is an alcoholic. The basis for addiction is deceptive practices. Emotional abandonment. Withholding intimacy. Less time spent with family friends and doing things you used to do simply to carve out time to act out. If you have difficulty understanding this perhaps you should educate yourself. I will only speak for myself. I now have a very broad understanding of this widespread problem because I felt the need to understand this issue. I can also tell you my ex thought he could handle "it" on his own. He was forced to seek help by the court. I wish you the best. Educate yourself and heal.

One of them
by: one of them

Try combating the source. The sex industry, not your husband. I'm this day and age. Every man looks at porn. Sorry. Its a real struggle for men. Every man.

Doesn’t get that it’s a selfish act
by: Anonymous

He says he has stopped but it’s very hard to believe anything he says now since he’s been lying about it for over 30 years. He still doesn’t think he did anything wrong in our marriage; talk about being selfish stubborn and hardheaded. It feels like I’ve had an arrangement, not a commitment. I’m struggling emotionally. I’ve been faithful throughout the years as our sex life diminished and intimacy vanished. I’m starved for affection and love.

Engaged... well we were
by: Anonymous

I was engaged with a loving, affectionate man who did everything to show me love and support.

But, I discovered that he is a porn addict. Since he was old enough for the nightlife, he spent many years going to strippers, hiring prostitutes, and going to isolated places for orgies. Pretending that he is an introvert, alone and working at hours that didn't allow to build a social network.

When we met he stopped, saying that he doesn't see these women while in a relationship. But he never stopped porn. He said many times that a self-confident woman would be able to live with it, and even to enjoy it with him. I was horrified. He is an addict, and despite he sees the disaster it created in our relationship, he doesn't believe he will get rid of it soon. "Matter of years" he said.

I made the decision to leave him, knowing that the trust is broken and that I don't want to catch him again on this in the future.

34 years and he still lies about it
by: Anonymous

I my life and marriage has all been a big lie. How does one recover from something so traumatic? It really sucks living in a world where most woman will do anything for a dollar. What happened to having self-respect and knowing that we are all different and special and that our bodies are for the eyes of only your spouse? But that doesn’t go both ways because we’re living in a world where men think they’re entitled to see every woman naked, which is BS. You say your vows to forsake all others. What a joke. There are too many woman out there with low self-esteem, no morals and no values. All they’re doing is fueling the flame. Women will never be treated with respect while there are those type of women walking amongst us. We women, mothers and daughters need to stop watching all the media sluts, turn off the TV and stop following them. We also need to get back to empowering each other and stop trying to outdo each other and never forget men are dogs stop feeding them.

Have hope (from an addict)
by: Anonymous

Have hope. Unfortunately, men are stubborn. I denied the absurd idea that I could be addicted to porn. I got my degree in molecular biology and have learned to do research. My fiancé was the first to find the issue in our relationship. I couldn't fathom the idea that watching something on my phone could separate us. I am now feeling ignorant and ashamed.

Porn fires of various pathways in the brain and begins to use the part of your brain involved in instant gratification. It's the same process as drugs. It is an addiction. Not only that, it will make a man lose his affection and even his happiness... because it is an addiction.

For the men out there reading this, take the time to just Google what a porn addiction does to the brain. If you want to be happy and you truly want to be with the love of your life, do this or you will lose everything.

For the women, try to help them understand and be prepared for stubbornness. It is the same process as a drug addiction, no matter if they do it once a week or once a year it still causes the same response. But have hope. Coming from a man who doesn't want to lose the love of his life. That man you love is still there but he has to learn on his own what he is truly doing to his brain.

Something has to change!!
by: Michael

Reading all of these posts about confrontation, disgust about these men, and everyone running away. Ugh... Where is the empathy, compassion, and the desire to help these sick men get the help that they desperately need?? I was addicted to masturbation and porn and lied about it for 30 years. I was never abused or exposed to sex at a young age. I never learned or figured out how to deal with feelings or emotions and was so afraid of being rejected self-gratification became what gave me my release starting at age 12, before I even had a clue except it felt good. Years of this acting out warped my reality of what I was doing and it all became normal in my mind. A year and a half ago I was finally able to admit who I really am, the freedom is amazing. After admitting, researching, therapy, and reconnecting with God I am able to recognize the truth of what I was doing. Unfortunately, because of how much my wife of 15 years was deceived she was unable to stay with me. I now really struggle daily learning to deal with actual rejection luckily I have God, support by caring men, and tools to help me recognize my emotions and rejection and respond in a healthy way in order to stay away from porn and masturbating. Porn jacks with our brains before we know it. It takes a minimum of 90 days of staying away from any sexual stimuli before the brain begins to heal. IT CAN BE DONE!! We really need support. Most of us men do not realize the pain we are causing our significant others or ourselves. It is not because we don't care it is the fact that we are sooo lost. Please find a way to get us help, WHATEVER it takes. I hope that I can save at least one marriage, because I am tired of seeing so many destroyed. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE STOP leaving us when we need you the most and find a way to lead us to freedom. We must stop leaving our wounded to die and start rushing to their aid if we want to be able to beat the porn industry and stop divorce.

Liars and Weak
by: Anonymous

Men who indulge in internet porn on a regular and obsessive basis are weak and selfish excuses for human beings. They pretend to be helpless to control themselves, then claim it's turned into an addiction. Bull! They made a choice, and that choice was not for their wife or girlfriend. As if their significant other never had an opportunity to cheat on them yet resisted the impulse! Lies, that's all these losers know. They swear they won't do it again, as they bide their time, hoping you'll trust them and never check up on them again. When the obvious presents itself yet again, the clues you recognize from their past use and deceptive cover-ups, you try to convince yourself you are being paranoid. It simply could not be! These self-centered, hedonistic men are only too happy to validate your seeming paranoia by telling you it is all in your imagination. "Gaslighting" is their specialty. Ladies, if you are not already married to this lying loser, run now while you have the chance. If you are unfortunate enough to be married to them, disregard their litany of lies and promises. Run like hell! That's what divorce lawyers are for.

Similar story
by: Anonymous

I am 28 year old and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I never really cared either way for porn and have even watched it myself in the past, I felt neutral about it before this relationship. Then I slowly started seeing websites open on his phone and still didn't care or think much of it. Then one day I was on our computer (shared) and in the browser history there were ads for Craigslist "connections and personals" section. Turns out he had been responding to personal ads, sending body pictures and I found out he was a member of multiple dating sties and would message girls. Well he told me he didn't need that crap and was "just looking ". I didn't see anything else like that as far as personals and Craigslist ads for a long time so I thought that was just nonsense in the beginning of the relationship.

Well it turns out he has continued to view porn this entire time. We have had countless fights, broken promises time and time again of quitting, discussions of addiction and everything under the sun. I developed severe anxiety, never wanting to leave the house because of this, and when I do leave for school (I’m a college student) I feel anxious the whole time I'm gone. I rush to get home and never go out with friends or do anything really because I feel like I always have to be at home. We just moved into a home together and had it all remodeled. I stupidly wanted a fresh start here but I should have known that these behaviors continue no matter where we are at. Last night I came home early from class and go into our bedroom. He was in the bathroom but his phone was lying on the bed. I turn it on and right away an open tab with porn on it, right there.

He has a 7 year old boy, as well that I am a stepmother to full time, so I have a full plate. I have a hard time concentrating on my studies and was just accepted into university to begin my bachelor's program. I should be excited and focused on that but all I can think about is if my boyfriend is watching porn behind my back every time I leave the house. I feel gross and unattractive and my self Esteem has hit an all-time low. We were actually doing really good for a few months, I didn’t feel like he was watching porn (I don't actually know that but everything just felt so normal and different in a good way) I was finally gaining self-confidence and feeling genuinely happy which had been a long time since I have felt truly at peace. Then last night happened and it's like the rug has been pulled out from under me and I'm back to this cycle of self-hatred and anxiety. I struggle to sleep at night as well and have bad dreams about infidelity. I'm too young to be this stressed out 24-7. I can't don't this anymore.

We are one of many
by: Catherine

I spent an unfortunate three hours looking at porn the other night to cement what I know of pornography. I cried, I gagged and I felt for all who have been hurt by this dehumanizing behavior.

I have had two broken marriages, both ending because of porn addiction.

Each time our porn-addicted husband's click on this they are fueling the industry, which is bad enough, but they are also fueling child pornography. They are fueling violence against women and children. They are fueling sex-trafficking. And the list goes on.

And it sucks that the person on the receiving end wants more than anything to have a great marriage based on love, respect and intimacy. All of which is lost in the world of porn.

I hope our world changes and our men can once again be good men, the men that we need and the men that our children need.

Punch your fist in the air to know that you are part of a group of women who care and who realize that porn destroys.

All the best. Take care of yourself. We are one of many! xo

Dishonesty
by: Anonymous

I knew that my husband had struggled with porn in his past, but was naive and really wanted to believe it was kicked for good. I even asked him multiple times before getting married. Fast forward post-partum with our only kid. He started acting like he would die of no sex. Mind you, even if I did want to, I couldn't because I was still healing from the birth. I started feeling objectified and was going through major post-partum depression. He started not wanting to come home and started ignoring some of my calls (this guy usually always answers his phone). He started getting vague about work and was being scolded at work for not doing his work. Well found out months later why. He was masturbating to porn at work for who knows how many hours. I wouldn't have even found out. But I was going to counseling and brought up past trust issues and that he did have a past struggle with it. So, my counselor suggested asking him about it. She was thinking more like, he would reassure me and then our marriage could be stronger. Ha, that would have been really nice. But nope, he did say no, but I got this sinking feeling and when he didn't even look me in the eyes. I kept asking and he kept lying until barely more than a whisper he admitted it. I felt so hurt and betrayed. No wonder something felt so off and he was objectifying me...now we don't have sex nearly as much and when we do, it's usually me making the effort and I can't help but wonder if his mind is on those girls the whole time. The thing is, I have a higher libido for a woman and I desire the closeness. But it feels empty. It's been 2 years since I found out. I have an accountability app on his phone and told him that he needs to go to an accountable group. He sometimes goes and I want to believe that he's not just making up excuses for when he doesn't go. When things pop up, he claims it's an accident... and I can't believe him. But I want to because we use to be so happy together. Other than this addiction, he's a pretty good guy. But can I live like this, wondering when the next relapse will happen? If he will ever overcome this? If he will even be honest with me if he's tempted? Will there ever be healing? Will the pain ever go away?

Been Gaslighted Too Long
by: Anonymous

Get out if you can. If your man is addicted to porn, he likely has emotional problems and your relationship will continue to get more toxic then you'll both be sick. I could have written many of these posts myself - I've been through so many of these scenarios and felt all the same feelings that have been expressed here. Do not let his selfish, narcissistic and dirty habit rob you of your youth, beauty, sanity, self-respect and self-esteem for one more day. And don't, for one minute, believe that it is you that has the problem or that you're imagining things. That's called being gas-lighted. Your heart won't lie to you - if you sense it and having a knowing, you need no more "proof". Stop looking for it and trust your God-given intuition. Oh, and run. Run far.

I don't know if he's even telling the truth anymore
by: Anonymous

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I told him how I felt about porn a few months shortly after dating. He then made a promise to me he would never look at it again. I don't like porn for personal past reasons. I've been sexually abused and I’m very self-conscious. Anyways, I recently found out he lied to me that entire year. Not because he told me, but because I found out on my own. He's lied to me about everything about it. I have ptsd, and when I found out last year my heart was absolutely shattered. Since then he has told me he has stopped, I have checked website history and his cookies and can't find anything. He said he didn't know how to delete the cookies. But I don't believe him. My problem is he has lied to me and hurt me for so long that I don't know if he's even telling the truth anymore.

Faked illness to watch porn
by: Anonymous

My husband is addicted to porn and I'm stuck in the marriage. We've been married 12 years, and have not had sex in 11 years. The last time we had sex was when our 10 year old twins were conceived. I had a rough pregnancy and was on pelvic rest nearly the entire duration. After the kids were born I made passes at my husband several times/ week for at least 3 years. He turned me down every time. Some excuses were that he didn't want me to get pregnant again, so I tried 2 different IUDs with terrible side effects, oral birth control, and I bought him an extra-large box of confines for Christmas one year. They were never used.

Over the last 6 months or so, my husband started claiming near-daily migraine headaches. He would come home from work, lie down in bed, and I would let him rest in privacy. I walked in on him masturbating to porn on his phone approximately 1 month ago. I didn’t say anything, because I was so hurt. The next day when he came home from work with a migraine I realized he was doing it again. I then decided to enable parental controls on his phone, but since I do not know his phones password I had to wait until he left his phone unattended and unlocked. I was able to enable parental controls about 3 weeks ago. Miraculously, his daily migraines stopped after 2 "false alarm" headaches, where he claimed a migraine was setting in, but as soon as he laid down with his phone and was unable to watch porn his headaches magically went away. He hasn't had a single migraine since then. I'm devastated. I don't understand why he prefers this fake world to real me, who is desperate for some affection.

I've been a homemaker since I became pregnant, and I have no money of my own. I can't afford to leave him. I'm trying to get back into the workforce so I can eventually leave, but it is very difficult. And how can I stand to live with him in the meantime?

God
by: Amy

I now believe that only God can save my husband. I have gone to therapy, I have recorded him, I have videotaped him, and I have looked at his underwear. He is terribly shameful and carries that around with him everywhere. He believes he is less of a person because of his shame. I saw an amazing film called The Heart of a Man. It is my belief these men have been abused in some way and until they hit rock bottom, nothing will change except for a deeper concentration on hiding the shame. My husband is dark and he is needy and he is looking for validation through other woman, through building an ego so big others will see a strong powerful man instead of the weak, insecure, and shameful 6 year old he never developed properly. His parents abused him.....he was given no praise...and I suffer because of his parents lack of responsibility. I say pray, get in the word, and give it over to God. If you have no faith.....divorce.

Three strikes he is out.
by: Anonymous

My soon to be ex-husband is a porn addict. He will not change even after countless times of telling me that he would. It destroyed his business, our marriage and my ability to trust. Each time he got caught he just got better at hiding it and seeking it out. We were together nearly 25 years and married for almost 23 years when the final straw came. Four years ago he allowed me to put a parental control on his work computer and we agreed on no internet at home, but he was so sick he went and sourced it in his brother’s office on the general work computer. He is so sick and so caught up in his lies and deceit, that he does not see his own problem or care. He blames me and then uses this poor excuse in his head to give him a reason as to why he does it. I will never get the sick images out of my memory, the only good thing is he too suffers ED. Ladies these men will never change, don't let them take what little you have left. S

He doesn't realize the problem
by: Anonymous

I am in the "looking for lawyer" divorce phase. My spouse has always had some involvement with porn, but I did not realize until about the past 5 of 16 years how bad it had gotten. He only wants porn-style sex, which began as a "happy anniversary" thing and now is demanded every single time we enter the bedroom. Then, nothing I would do sexually was good enough anymore, it didn't look like the computer that's why! Forget intimacy or sexual acts that the woman might enjoy. Now he's at phase that he won't have regular v-j sex unless he gets his porn fix first. If I refuse, no sex period. I'm too young to live like this and I stayed for years due to the children. And ladies, whatever you do, don't try to "fix" this by becoming more like porn girls. That is like bringing home dope for an addict. It only gets worse and worse and the next thing you know he has ED anyway, and your health is permanently damaged.
The worst thing is, he feels the porn is not a problem, and that I am boring and repressed and am that way because of my "bible beating" family. Funny how none of my exs ever complained. Just him. IT DOESN'T GET BETTER WHEN THEY ARE UNWILLING TO CHANGE.

Porn Destroyed My Marriage!
by: Anonymous

I was married for 35 years before I finally had enough of my husband’s porn, young female friends, and lies! We had 2 children; a son who died 4 years ago to a very rare cancer at 37. My ex was not there for his son while he was dying! And when my son passed away, his own father was not even at the funeral home while our son was cremated. It just kills me inside the way my ex treated his own flesh and blood. We have a daughter, she’s 38 and has 3 beautiful kids. She is addicted to meth, pain pills, and Xanax! I hate addiction; it’s a beast from hell! Porn destroyed my marriage, our intimacy, and any affection that we use to have. We were high school sweethearts and he was my first love. We’ve been divorced for 8 years now and his addiction to porn only got worse after the death of our son.

Porn addiction needs to have a voice for the public to hear loud and clear! It’s a disease of the brain and definitely changes a loved one’s behavior and thinking process in a destructive path of cheating, lying, and detachment from the human race ....God bless you all for having the courage and strength to do the right thing… I still love my man but, not enough to continue in a toxic relationship with a broken heart!

I agree... but
by: Anonymous

I know that these men have done you wrong so many times. You feel betrayed, humiliated and guilty for not preventing such catastrophic behavior. However, with all due respect, these men, whom you call pigs, are also victims of an alarming addiction that is being caused by porn. Especially in the "information age" we live in! Most of us (because I also used to be addicted) are using this free and accessible escape from our realities, where we think we are wanted or safe away from the ghosts of our past- our childhood traumas. Like any other drug it changes you (psychologically and also alters the biochemistry of the brain). The addictive behavior does not end at porn, gradually it extends to any form of escapism as a coping mechanism. In conclusion, we need your help. We need to confess to our addiction. The only way to make that possible is for people to get properly informed and for everyone to show understanding and seeking help, judgement from peers only works to strengthen the addiction because a side effect of heavy porn use is deep shame! Instead of lashing out in ignorance, inform yourself and understand that you're not the only victim.

63 year old porn addict
by: Anonymous

I discovered my 63 year old husband was obsessed with porn accidently. He spent any time he had on my computer supposedly searching for jobs, getting up early in morning and going to bed all hours of the night. I was having a problem with my computer. My 28 year old daughter had a look at it and found an endless amount of horrific porn sights involving young people many under age. Guys with guys. Girls with girls and men constantly raping the same woman. My husband blamed my grandson but he wasn’t even here at the time. So my husband had to admit to it. Then he blamed me. Said he didn’t think I wanted sex, which was so untrue. He must have been like it all his life. Our wedding night was the most disappointing of my life and we go months at a time without any and then it’s only a couple of minutes. Even at my age, l long to have a normal sex life with someone I love. I have children in my care and they could have seen all the filth he didn’t bother deleting off my computer.

lies lies and more lies
by: Anonymous

Our relationship was great the first 6months. Then I found all his porn stash. I tried to be supportive and understanding and told him I didn't have an issue with the material, but what I did have an issue with was what it was doing to our relationship.

He promised me faithfully he would stop but my gut instinct would tell me different. I started to have an unhealthy obsession looking at his phone, hiding places where he thought was safe to keep his secret away from me. I always found it.

Tonight was the last straw after 6 years together and nearly 2 years of no intimacy at all I found his dad's sticky magazine collection and told him I want him out of my life. He is 52yrs and I am 47. I told him he is sick in the head and a pervert I just got so angry. I am sick of feeling used, ugly, undesirable. I am at rock bottom and the way I look at it now is, as a woman I need to try and get my meaningless life back together and try and be happy again (I haven't been happy for a long time )

While I get myself sorted he will have his secret porn stash to keep him company. Men like that will never change no matter how much you beg, plead, cry, shout and talk. It's all about them and getting off to porn that matters, not you.

I feel for you all
by: Mikey

I never had the urge or need to look at porn. That’s why I have a wife; she's all I need!

Ladies who have children quit beating yourselves up. Your children will understand why you are wanting a divorce. If you’re not happy your children are not happy! This is a woman's world; you will get full custody of your children!

Never believe or trust a porn user. They'll say and make up anything they can to get you to believe them! If he has to use porn for pleasure, then he doesn't need you in his life! If he's hiding in the bedroom or bathroom to use porn, kick him out because he doesn't deserve you! If he tells you he's watching porn to get more ideas in the bedroom, HES LYING! If he’s saying he looks at it once in a while HES LYING!

Not all men are pigs, but many are! PORN IS CHEATING, IT IS ADULTERY. Don’t fall for a cheater ladies!

Too many aliases
by: Anonymous

My porn addict hubby has only grown worse in the last 10 years. He literally has three computer, each with in excess of 400,000 images on each of them. And not just women, but other horrible images, and it goes on. He has numerous fake Facebook and twitter accounts, all loaded with porn stars and sites. He is horrible in bed. I'm horrible in bed now too. I have zero self-esteem. And he's cheated...numerous times.

It's all become too much and I'm literally on day five of leaving him. No contact, nothing. Please, I hope I can stay gone. :-(

Awful Situation
by: Anonymous

I, too, am married to a porn addict. I caught him while we were dating and made it perfectly clear that I would not accept that behavior. He confesses to using porn since high school, and asked if I'd support him if he got counseling to help him overcome the "need" for this mess. I agreed, and with much effort the issue lessened to the point of disappearing, or so I thought.

We are now three years into our marriage, and I just found that he struggled constantly for a year, then gave in. Only now, he has begun looking at photos of an ex-girlfriend, who likes to post inappropriate photos of herself online. He says he likes the "power" he had when they were together, but I can't figure out what that means. I'm sure some of it is physical attraction, though the only real difference in her body and mine is that I'm quite a bit taller (she is a couple inches under 5'), and my breasts are bigger. He says he likes that she's "public" with her body...wow.

I am certain he hasn't contacted her...but I have. She's actually quite nice and told me they broke up all those years ago because of...get this...his porn use. She was genuinely disturbed to learn why I was asking these questions. The true shock on her face let me know she had no idea what was going on, and she swore she hasn't seen him since the day they broke up 8 years ago. She is also engaged to a fantastic man. I believe her. Also, while checking husband's phone, I learned that Google Maps has been tracking his movements every day for the last year or so. I literally looked at every single map entry and he has never been anywhere near her home or job, and I didn't find any unexplained locations or addresses.

I'm at a loss as to why he need this ridiculousness. It's adolescent, and I feel like I'm married to a 14 year old disguised in a 35 year old man's body. I've consulted a divorce attorney and am debating on going forward with the process. I WANT him to grow up so we can rebuild and get past this, but I don't know if he's willing. He says he wants to, but words don’t matter anymore.

On porn addiction
by: Anonymous

Hello,

I have experienced the other end of what many of your posts describe. I have had a strong propensity for pornography since I was a young teenager.

As time has gone by pornography has changed dramatically, and I'll say, dramatically for the better. I have no idea where it will all lead to, but ultimately I think people watch it to feel something, make a connection, or to escape something. It is a lot like a drug in that way. I think part of it is adrenaline. I think physiologically for men it satisfies something deep in our brains.

Please realize most of your partners probably use porn once in a while. I'm an exception. I (now trying to quit) would do it at least twice a day and sometimes 5 times a day. It's out of control, and I'm trying to get a handle on my behavior and better understand why.

I hate that I do something so obsessively and I can't talk to my partner about it. That is my problem and I'm trying to decipher my behavior. I never was sexually abused or anything like that. I was not encouraged to be this way and I never was particularly traumatized or anything like that. I honestly can only think it's somehow wired in me. I don't think any of my friends or family members have the kind of addiction problem I have. I know I'm not normal. I'm an extreme case, but there are a lot of cases like me out there and your partner may be just as bad.

Your husband or partner is probably abnormal if he does not self-pleasure himself. So first accept it is extremely normal. And I can attest that at times in my life when I was most sexually active with very attractive women I did it as much or more. It has no bearing on how much I've loved my partners over the years.

So please don't take it as a reflection on your sexiness or beauty or attractiveness. If your partner does it, it means he likes and perhaps abuses the feeling of the sexual pursuit in the same way some people over eat or over drink or smoke too much. And you should not take it as a reflection on you at all.

I love my partner dearly, and pornography does not affect how much love her at all.

That being said, I cannot bring myself to admit to her how badly addicted I am. When we first dated I told her I had a lot of trouble resisting sex and porn, so she knows, but I hate talking about it or showing her anything related to it. I'm hoping explaining my side might be of some use. I know this is terrible. This is one of the main reasons I feel I need to quit. Not because I think pornography is bad, but because if I do something this much I should be able to be public about it. If I can't tell the most important person in my life about my behavior, then that's creepy and bad and something needs to change.

I need help
by: Anonymous

I caught my husband watching porn. I don't know what to do, I don't know if I should leave. I confronted him about it he promises not to do it again I don't know if I should believe him because in the beginning of our relationship he cheated. And he said he wouldn't do it again and he hasn't, but he ran to porn. I don't know what I should do?

Amazing to find this site
by: Anonymous

I am so grateful to find this site because I have just kicked out my husband of 23 years for his, get this, she-male porn addiction, and of course I feel so hurt and alone. And the clincher? I have been so faithful to him that I have been celibate for 22 of those years, the one year difference being the time I was pregnant with our only child. I always questioned his rejection of me and he always told me it was a medical issue, his psoriasis, or whatever, and I believed him. My vows stated in sickness and in health, and therefore I was faithful. Then a little over a year ago, I happened upon an Apple tablet we shared, though I never used it, and when I noticed the battery was low I plugged it in and porn site icon came up. I thought that was odd and when I clicked it, it was full of gay she-male porn. As I checked the history and saw all this she male porn history going back months and months and months, my hands trembled. I was devastated. I couldn't believe it. I confronted him on it and he wanted to pull me into it. What? Never...such a repulsive thing.

And stupid me, I thought I could 'cure' him, that I could help him. So I worked with him on this, daily, talking, snuggling, seducing (to no avail). That lasted nine months, then I just said, whatever. But the anger in me has been multiplying. The anger today became explosive and I hit him. And I don't want to ever feel that way again. I don't know where I stand now, but this is my story.

But, the bigger question begs to be asked: what of our youth? Once virtual holographic pornography is a reality, say goodbye to our species as we know it. If people don't see this as a real problem they really should wake up and fast. I am all for freedom of expression but when it comes to this sort of thing, some measures need to be taken. I'm sure that's not possible. But it is very, very sad.

The opposite of love is indifference
by: Anonymous

Porn addicts are indifferent to their spouses. You cannot fix them, they don't want to fix themselves. Hire an IT firm, get evidence for litigation to get your kids, threaten to expose them and get out of your marriage. Fast. The secret and lies are half the thrill for them. Porn addiction cannot be fixed. Don't believe anything they say. Get out and heal.

30 Years I have been Married to a Liar.
by: Anonymous

I realize that 30 years is a long time to believe the lies; boy am I beating myself up for it now.

Who am I really? I am a very happy person. I love life and jump in with enthusiasm. Each day is a new experience! I thought I had a great marriage...But I let him take my happiness.

I started finding porn websites, and inconsistencies in his stories about where and what he was doing. My husband would deny all the issues and problems. After I would accused him, he would change his ways long enough to subside my suspicions.

As his addiction progressed, he used verbal abuse to make me believe his lies. He would emotionally abuse me until I had complete self-doubt. I actually believed "I" was delusional. What caused the change in me...Let’s just say going to bed with my husband became awful. Each encounter worse than the one before. After another bad attempt at intimacy, I told him "I would rather be dead than be in this bed with you". So after that night I listened to my gut and starting searching the web browser history, and was not surprised by what I found. If you are reading this YOU KNOW the images all too well.

I found more evidence of his betrayal and told him not to come home. After several hours, he arrived home and admitted to his addiction. He has started counseling but I am ready to cut this liar from my life. I pretending to try... but it is over for me.

I need guidance.
by: Anonymous

I don't know what to do anymore, I am at my wits end and need advice. We have been married for 8 months and I am currently pregnant. We have only been together for 2 years and at first we were constantly having sex, taking showers together and he would light candles to set the mood. When we got married, it dwindled. On our honeymoon we had sex once and now maybe once every month or two. I decided to look on his phone, thinking I would find another girl or something, but it was just porn...I told him how it made me feel and how ugly and disgusting I was starting to feel about myself because he never tries to pursue me anymore and all he does is look at these girls on the internet. He told me he would work on us and it was because of stress or me not trying. So I started to come on to him and I got nothing. After that he did start to come on to me and I felt stupid for feeling the way I was, but then I noticed he looked at porn before each intimate time. It's gone back to not having sex and I just found more porn on his phone...I don't know what to do. I am only 26 years old and when I tell people why I'm upset they laugh...I feel like I need to leave. I feel ugly and unwanted now over this and I do not want a sex-less and unhappy marriage. I feel so degraded over these women, wishing I had what they did because of the attention he gives them and the want he has for them. Please, I need advice.

Anxiety stricken full of fear
by: Anonymous

It never gets better or easier, the lying, the cheating, the hidden messages, the porn addiction. It all sucks! Been married for 25 years to this porn driven selfish man! He never ever put me first, despite his broken promises. I so hate him but I know I have love for him too. I'm so confused and deeply fearful of leaving him, because I feel like I can't breathe if he's not around😕 It's just so bad, I don't go anywhere without him because I'm so freaking fearful. But I know for a fact that he's never going to change. I feel stuck in a loveless relationship. I thought he was faithful because we were going to a sound Christian church years back. He was involved in bible studies and men's retreat where he would hear from great pastors like John MacArthur. We went to Christian counseling; that didn't help either. 25 years and three grown kids later, he's still at it. I ask him why he has ED, he says it's his age! Yeah sure, it's his freaking self-centered ways! Aaah I feel so alone. Stuck!

The reality is its best to leave
by: 6 yrs in

I have never been a prude kind of person. I never thought porn was bad. I have always loved had a healthy sex drive and was comfortable with my sexuality and my body.

After discovering my partner was always watching porn and turning me down I figured it was me. I spent years learning to slowly hate myself. At my worst I was ashamed to leave the house because I felt so ugly. I didn't tell anyone for a long time because I was ashamed.

Well... it had nothing to do with me. For 6 years he has lied to me pretty much every day. He has stolen my phones to look for images, I have found secret devices, he has messaged trashy women, stalked normal women’s Facebook profiles for bikini shorts, and he has promised it will stop. On the anniversary of my brother’s death he was too busy to comfort me because he was online masturbating over webcam girls.

The cheeky messages he could never send me he sent them. The flirting with them. The intimacy with them. He used our toddler’s iPad to watch porn when his phone had an accountantability app. I know because he forgot to delete it and she very nearly found it.

When I was pregnant I'm pretty sure he cheated on me, when I visited family he messaged prostitutes, when I cried to him for hours (pregnant with the second one) he swore he was getting help (this has happened 100 times before) it was 4 days before he was waiting for me to fall asleep so he could watch porn again.

It. Does. Not. Get. Better....

Please don't try to help him. Leave him. And if he helps himself great. But all this will do is leave you a shell of who you were and teach your kids that women are objects to be masturbated over or lied to.

Lies, lies, lies...sociopath
by: Amy

I have been married for little over a year. He is a narcissistic and pathological liar who would rather look at porn than touch his wife. We have not been sexual since we got married. He tried 1x in Belize. He stopped and I cried. He made up an excuse but we all know he can’t continue because excessive masturbation creates ED. He now blames the lack of sex on me. I think I’m going to leave him. It's never going to change.

Less than one year in...NEED ADVICE!
by: Moosriel

I caught him watching porn when we were dating, I explained to him very thoroughly that I will not accept it, I think it’s cheating, and if he wants to watch we should end things right now. He convinced me he didn't need it and wouldn't do it again after realizing how it affect me. 9 months after our wedding I caught him again. I went on the computer to look at our photos and there it was! Turns out he never really stopped. He just got better at hiding it because he knew if I found out I would leave. I feel like now that we are married it's not so easy to just walk away. It's been 7 months since I found it and things in our marriage have gotten so bad. He has yet to take accountability for the hurt he caused, yet to try to rebuild my trust, or to prove to me that our marriage can get through this. I didn't get married to get divorced, but I'm so unhappy and I'm losing sight of what I'm even fighting for. Please help me!

Divorce is a beautiful word.
by: Anonymous

I'm divorcing my porn addicted husband after 16 years of marriage. The last 6 years of the marriage he refused to have sex at all because he preferred porn. The last time we had sex he just lay there like a wet fish. He made no noises and didn't move his body. It was a horrific sexual experience and I cried silently into the pillow afterwards. Porn addicts are really bad in bed. The best lovers are enthusiastic. Enthusiasm is something these types of addicts can never show a real life woman. I'm off to new pastures and looking forward to the future. The only regret is I should have given up on him much sooner.

Porn detaches them from seeking human connection
by: Carol from Mich.

My heart goes out to all you ladies. All these destroyed relationships, so sad and disturbing. I will not discuss my story@ this time. There is so much more us women loose in life if we stay with these type of men. Women are emotional creatures who like to feel loved, respected & adored once in a while. What about some romance once in a while? Do our porn addicts have to be nice to these women they are having sex with? Do they have to get them in the mood with some romance? Do they have to have a good conversation? Wine & dine them? Hell no, and they get to satisfy their sexual needs. No work at all. They just loose their drive to pursue you. Too much work. They just do not have to be nice to you. Little do they realize they are not getting that human connection that we need in life. If you ever want to feel special, respected loved or desired you will never get it from your porn addict. You will never be happy without that. 😔

Take a Stand
by: Anonymous

I am just currently divorced. I was married for 12 years and caught him multiple times. But just can't take the pain of catching him anymore. I have a 2yr, 5yr, and 8yr old.

Hey, They Get So Good at Lying
by: Anonymous

I'm the world's slowest procrastinator, because I've stayed in this pitiful marriage for 43 years! He has blamed me, and has ruined our marriage by using porn, abusing pain pills, and drinking. But his lies and passive aggression have made it impossible to be intimate in any manner. He won't even give me quality time together, which is my main Love Language! No, he'll never, ever change!

But guess who will? Me! Yes, at age 62 I'm walking away from a sicko with whom I had 2 kids! They're not able to launch and don't see how his addictions have affected me and them. My adult son sees nothing wrong with porn, and like dad, like son! I'm excited about my life now! I will be fine, I just lost so much precious time with that man! He is sick, but now I'm free of his lies!!!! I feel like a human being again, in just a few weeks after I left! Do not wait, ladies! You are worth much more!

Separated Because of Porn
by: Anonymous

I was married to my husband for 5 years, and with him for 10. I really have no problem with porn in general, but shortly after I got married I realized my husband's porn use was a little different than your average guy’s. For one, he was paying for it when there are a million free sites out there. I caught these charges several times throughout our marriage and found out what he was actually paying for was to video chat with someone. I felt betrayed, even a little cheated on, because our sex life was lack luster and he must have been more intimate with these women than he was capable of being with me. The last time I caught him before I chose to separate, he went through extra measures to deceive me and purchased a gift card at the store to cover what he was paying for. When I asked what the charge was, he lied about it. Finally, after two months of trying to figure out the secret, he came clean and I left. I'm heartbroken at the loss of my marriage and my husband and the life that could have been, but it wasn't fair to me to be with someone who was willing to lie to me, deceive me, and never put me first.

Why me
by: Anonymous

I’ve been married for 28 years. The very first time I caught my husband masturbating to porn ...it felt like the female was right there in our home having sex with him....I never confronted him. As the years passed, he would get up in the middle of the night just to be on these sorry sites online. Well I can go on and on, but over the years he watches porn every day and night until he goes to bed. I caught him so many times with his little medicine cups full of KY jelly so he can be unfaithful to some bit*h online. He’s a good provider and a good person and grandpa, but his porn addiction is taking away my husband and broken our vows. I feel so alone as if I don’t even exist. There is no affection (I have to make him hug me) and almost no sex (every 6 months). I know he’s not going to stop using porn.

This is not my life...I love life to the fullest...always putting God first and have prayed on it...I know in my heart and soul he’s not going to stop. I want out, but I do love him and really feel sorry for him because this is a sickness....but I’m exhausted and getting older and I have needs as a mature women of 51 years old. I am really nervous about starting over...should I discuss this with his mom before I leave him? I feel she really needs to know about her son. Why are there so many women going through this...what’s really going on?

Divorce is imminent
by: Anonymous

All the comments I've read give me zero hope of "fixing" his addiction. I've amped up the romance, the foreplay, the sexting, and for what? He's now using Pinterest and celebrity leaked photos. I even found about 30 pics of yoga pants butt shots! Is this his attempt at trying not to watch porn? I'm currently with him because I could not bear the thought of my nearly 14 year old daughter being destroyed by her father's porn addiction. I'm not sure I can do it though. For being a strong person... I sure feel weak.

Addicted from a young age
by: Anonymous

He started porn use at 15 when the internet was still dial up.

Within 3 months of marriage he started watching it whenever I was out of the house. And he wouldn't go on weekend hiking or canoe trips with me just so he could stay home and use.

He used to make me earn sex by giving him a bj every single time and it didn't bother him if we didn't have sex. So we just didn't very often because it was always all about him.

One evening he was drinking with his cousin and said he gets off better to porn. I should have left him right then and saved myself 4 more years of misery. Not only did I do all the work during sex, but he prefers porn anyway.

We separated twice over the next 7 years, and I found out he'd slept with over 18 women during our separations.

When our second daughter was born he didn't hold her. He was in the hospital for 10 minutes after she was born and told me he had to get ready for work. Later his computer was unlocked and I found out he left the hospital to go home and was Googling "live naked chat"

I also found out he'd been flirting with random friends on Facebook and going for coffee with women he'd been with in the past... while I was 7 months pregnant with our second child.

Porn is the reason I lost a husband, my husband lost a family, and my children lost a dad. He became addicted young and it destroyed everything he could have had.

I'm sick of reading people say, well, surely porn was just a symptom and it can't really be the cause of hundreds of thousands of divorces every year. If the woman says it caused her divorce because it made the relationship unsatisfying, then that's what caused the divorce.

I think she can decide for herself what is making the relationship unbearable.

The Rabbit Hole
by: Lisa S

My husband was never honest with me about his porn addiction. The subject came up when we were dating. Simply put, it was something he said he had been exposed to when he was younger. Wrong. He had been heavily involved for 25 years. He was very good at keeping his secret until escalation took him to places that will change his life forever. I begged him to get help. Threatened divorce. He lost a job he loved. He refused to get help until the day he was released for jail. He has plead guilty to two counts of child porn possession. He will be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life. The moral of this story, if your partner is unwilling to get help, this problem only escalates. Take care of yourself. We are now divorced. He is getting help. Wishes he could take everything back. This problem left unattended does not have a happy ending.

He relapsed AGAIN
by: Anonymous

Because of his porn addiction I felt I lost myself, I lost hope and belief in good in the world.

Don't know what to do.
by: G

My husband of 12 years always watches porn. He has made so many promises and even swore on our Child’s life that he would never do it again. Then I found his phone and saw he had deleted his internet history and I knew he had been watching it again. He had the nerve to call me a lie and deny it until the next morning when he admitted it to me. I've really had enough this time and don't think I can ever forgive him again. I am nearly 12 weeks pregnant and feel vulnerable already. My last pregnancy was so stressful and I'm so scared I might have problems again with this pregnancy. I feel sick that he could do this to me again and especially while I'm pregnant. I feel so unattractive and have lost all my confidence because of him. I do love him but I don't know whether I could ever let him touch me again or whether I could ever forgive him. I don't know what to do.

He prefers porn over me.
by: Victoria

Hi. I strongly believe my husband of seven months is addicted to porn. I knew he watched before we met and while we were dating. He says he ONLY watches it like twice a week. I recently grabbed his phone to google something (while he was sitting next to me), and when I opened up his browser there was like 6 porn sites open. I said I thought he was obsessed with porn but he vehemently denies it and turns it back on me calling me a weirdo and saying I'm paranoid. The only reason it really bothers me is because he does it, then lies about it or tries to cover it up, and because he never seems to want to be intimate with me. He does have sex with me but I believe it's only because he feels obligated to because he knows how physical touch and intimacy are my number one love language. I believe he would just rather watch the porn. There are many precipitating factors that lead me to believe he's addicted- just too many to spell out here. Am I just paranoid? Any advice/help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

Divorcing a porn addict
by: Anonymous

I am currently separated from my husband who I married only on July 25 of this year. Stupid me; I had left him before because of his addiction, but he did not keep his word about not viewing it. Never, ever think someone will change because they never do! You cannot live a life of watching them and checking all the time.

Help!! What do I do.
by: Anonymous

We have 2 kids and married for 9 years now. We rarely have sex and sometimes he turns me down… If I turn him down he would get angry and leave the room. Generally speaking in front of the kids he is fine and loving. We were in counselling for the lack of intimacy and for his seasonal depression he goes though each year which left me feeling alone in my marriage… I went to personal therapy as well in which the man told me based on his behavior it wouldn't surprise him if he had an addiction to porn…. so I added a program to see what he is looking on line and found that almost every DAY/Night he will spend about 5 minutes looking at porn. How do I approach him on this without him finding out how I know???? Is there any hope for this marriage? I want to be wanted, I want intimacy and love…. worst thing about this is that I found an attraction to someone else and an affair has happened… Please give me some advice!!!!

It never ends
by: Anonymous

I was married for almost 15 years. After infidelity and a decade plus of being told his porn addiction was my fault I gave the ultimatum. He chose porn over me and his 4 kids.
I was always faithful to him, but now he is spreading lies that I cheated. He lied to the cops and got me arrested. He lied to my bosses and tried to get me fired and attempted to make me lose my accreditations.
I still have to share my kids with him since the court won't let me talk about the marriage prior the original divorce 5 years ago. I was too scared and ashamed then. The last year of our marriage became physically abusive, but I lied for him so he could keep his job. I was on crutches for a year. I never called the cops and I never told the medical people the truth because he worked at that hospital.
I'm stuck. I can't date because he lies to the court and my family about every guy who sticks around more than 6 months. I can't leave town, and have my kids too, because he put it in the divorce that the kids have to attend the local schools.
I'm screwed for the next 12 years. Ladies tell the truth and get all you can the first time. Don't leave him any ties to you, if you can!!!

Lied to and Deceived
by: Anonymous

I have just separated from my husband of three years and we will be divorcing. He was the love of my life but after being married 1 1/2 years, I discovered he was addicted to porn. We never had a normal sex life...he was always rough and distant. Now I realize why.

I have stayed with him for over a year after the discovery, hoping that he would get help. Three weeks ago I discovered him watching perverted violent videos and I decided at that moment that I could not stay in the house one more moment. I sold everything when I married him and moved into his house, so I am starting over again at 58 years of age. I cannot financially afford to be here at this stage of my life but I refuse to live with someone who disrespects me and refuses to get help. He is in complete denial.

He is going to end up a very sad, lonely old man and it is painful as we had a very good marriage otherwise.

SEVEN MONTHS LATER
by: Anonymous

Seven (7) months ago I posted my comments and let me tell you I had forgotten how miserable I was! Seeing in print makes me feel FANTASTIC because I made the right decision. I was able to move out and get my own place. Furniture and financial stress is NOTHING to the HORRIBLE existence of being without a porn-addicted, passive/aggressive jerk!

Thank you for posting my comment! Hindsight is 20/20

Mine was addicted!
by: Anonymous

I am still married. We have 2 kids and I’m currently pregnant. He is on the internet constantly… downloading pornographic/sexy images of animation girls. Watches anime movies constantly, some are pretty risqué. I asked him to stop right away. He said no, I found out I was pregnant and he doesn’t care if I stay or go. He won’t stop. He lies about the smallest things and won’t go to counseling to help. He purchased a 6' tall anime girl figures, one comes with 4 sets of interchangeable boob sizes. ... It’s sickening. We have been married 6 years and together for 7. I’ve had to deal with his internet obsession or "other women" for all this time. It’s like a slap in the face. He finds nothing wrong with it. I come from a strong Christian background. To me it’s unacceptable. We are separated now, but it’s only been a few days. It kills me inside to know I mean nothing to him… He chose this crap over me and my 2 soon to be 3 kiddos. My heart bleeds…

Lies, porn addiction and in laws from hell
by: Anonymous

One month after our honeymoon, I discovered he had a severe addiction to porn. In addition, I discovered he was a paying member of adult swingers’ site! He'd prefer to masturbate to porn than make love to his real life wife!! I was devastated, betrayed and humiliated. He was doing God knows what cybersex whilst I drifted off to sleep. His mother and twin sister were a nightmare. They were bossy, controlling, and demanding. He would always take their side and not make me a priority. I put him up in the home I had prior to marriage and he lived there rent free and mortgage free whilst he continued to support his mother’s mortgage. They had a joint property, business relationship he said. Queen mother in law did not work, but lived off her husband, son and me! I got pregnant and lost the baby. His twin sister was pregnant at the same time. She shoved her pregnant belly in her brother’s face and exclaimed look the baby kicking! Husband said I was jealous of his sister! Outrageous or what!!!

Ditto
by: Anonymous

Do you think the men we have been involved with are confused and yet have a more male side and were raised in environments that didn't allow their female side (say decorating) to live? I wonder since the person I am divorcing spent excessive amounts of money to make sure he had the biggest and “best” toys, yet freaked when I wanted a new dining room set.

I share the same story as the rest of you and could kick it up a few notches.

Get a good therapist and don't look back no matter your age or IQ :)

No way You Can Beat My Story
by: Anonymous

I lost any desire to spend my life with the man I thought was the dream of my life. Less than a month after we married, I accidently found the CD where the woman was giving him "head" for about 15 minutes. All the feelings and hopes were ruined in a matter of seconds. Later he told it was his ex-girlfriend (who was also his first love). But does it really matter when the picture of my husband and some B-TCH blowing him froze in my memory for 6 years? In all together, he is porno-addict and loves to masturbate while I am sleeping, pretending not to see what he does. I wish I could save a video of him in action to show in front of the court when he calls me unfit mother for the child I love more than anything in life.

Addiction/Abuse
by: Anonymous

This is so common now that I believe it is some sort of disorder that needs a name. These men are a combination of: manic/depressive, bi-polar and often bi-sexual. I thought I was 1 in a million until I started searching the web and found so many similar stories on various support group sites. I wish you the best with your decision.

Passive/Aggressive
by: Anonymous

WOW! After 2 weeks of being married I brought up his porn addiction. We were having no sex because he'd rather get off on porn. After several disagreements or concerns I brought to his attention he would put up the wall, sleep on couch, and not eat the food I served. Finally, he would get over his tantrum and blame everything on me. Talk about being Passive/Aggressive! Makes me crazy! This went on for four months and several of these sulking tantrums and being blamed for everything in the relationship.

Last night he went way below the belt and was verbally abusive. I am in a financial bind and it is going to be very difficult to get on my feet. I wish I could stay until I could save some money to get on my feet. However, if I went home I would be condoning his behavior! I sold all my furniture and moved into his place. He also told me that his health was failing and that he wasn't going to be able to have sex. I don't believe this! He would rather masturbate and watch porn then be in reality.

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