Things never changed

by Jennifer C.

He committed adultery 6 months after we were married. Probably, my inability to forgive his infidelity led to some of our problems. He would never introduce me to his friends or acquaintances when we saw them in the store or other places. He was not attracted to me physically, to the point that we had marital relations about 3 times a year.

He would not let me go with him to see his doctor. He said I embarrassed him in front of other people. He would never wear his hearing aids at home; I had to repeat what I said, having to get louder every time I had to retell what I said.

I have bipolar disease and fibromyalgia, and eventually emphysema; this he couldn't deal with or understand. We both used nicotine; he didn't like my habit of smoking, yet he dipped Skoal and thought that was okay. When we would visit my doctors, he had no input, questions or even seemed interested in talking to the doctor at all.

He would almost never take up for me, in any way. He was irritated when I was happy and talking, yet he didn't mind if I stayed in bed for weeks at a time (so as not to bother him). We didn't agree on giving to charity, our church, or giving money to help my mother (although we could afford it). I would have to ask him to get work done on my car (i.e. oil change, buy new tires) and then I would end up doing it myself. He scared me when he was driving.

He thought my two grown children were more able to advise us on decisions, instead of us working on it together. In almost every major decision, he would want us to talk to my daughter about the situation (she is a lawyer).

We were not quite married 12 years, yet I told him in the last five years before the divorce last year, I had been planning on leaving. I kept telling him I couldn't live like this anymore unless things changed. Things didn't change. I am happy to be living alone now, though my family and my two children won't hardly talk to me, and my children use my grandchildren (his step-grandchildren) as pawns to punish me-- not letting me see them. I'm trying to work through it. Thank you.

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