Things never changed

by Jennifer C.

He committed adultery 6 months after we were married. Probably, my inability to forgive his infidelity led to some of our problems. He would never introduce me to his friends or acquaintances when we saw them in the store or other places. He was not attracted to me physically, to the point that we had marital relations about 3 times a year.

He would not let me go with him to see his doctor. He said I embarrassed him in front of other people. He would never wear his hearing aids at home; I had to repeat what I said, having to get louder every time I had to retell what I said.

I have bipolar disease and fibromyalgia, and eventually emphysema; this he couldn't deal with or understand. We both used nicotine; he didn't like my habit of smoking, yet he dipped Skoal and thought that was okay. When we would visit my doctors, he had no input, questions or even seemed interested in talking to the doctor at all.

He would almost never take up for me, in any way. He was irritated when I was happy and talking, yet he didn't mind if I stayed in bed for weeks at a time (so as not to bother him). We didn't agree on giving to charity, our church, or giving money to help my mother (although we could afford it). I would have to ask him to get work done on my car (i.e. oil change, buy new tires) and then I would end up doing it myself. He scared me when he was driving.

He thought my two grown children were more able to advise us on decisions, instead of us working on it together. In almost every major decision, he would want us to talk to my daughter about the situation (she is a lawyer).

We were not quite married 12 years, yet I told him in the last five years before the divorce last year, I had been planning on leaving. I kept telling him I couldn't live like this anymore unless things changed. Things didn't change. I am happy to be living alone now, though my family and my two children won't hardly talk to me, and my children use my grandchildren (his step-grandchildren) as pawns to punish me-- not letting me see them. I'm trying to work through it. Thank you.

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Sleeping with the devil
by: Mary Jo

I am in a situation where the resentment starts to hurt more than the emotional, violent, and verbal abuse. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years. I spent all of my 20s with him. I've lost jobs, friends, and I feel like I don't even know my family anymore.

Lying to everyone about my happiness and wellbeing is something that I've just grown so used to that I have forgotten about the person I was before I met him. I'm now 31, I've had two abortions and I've met his parents maybe twice. All I have ever heard was, "Maybe I would bring you around my friends and family if you weren't such a psycho."

We decided to make things serious by moving in together last year. I was promised he would make this relationship real by including me into his life that is so secretive. None of this has happened. The violence, the ignoring, and the constant name calling is the only thing that has changed- for the worse. Last night he did not come home, he didn't even come home in the morning. He strolled in at 2 pm, looked at me and said "You are a baby for crying, and to talk to him when I turn 31".

I can't stop the crying; it hurts so, so bad. I am well aware that by now, this is self-torture. I know that he is a full-fledged narcissist and that he will never have feelings or empathy. I know that if I want to regain my life back, I have to leave him for good. I know that there will never be a right answer or reason that will ever take the pain of neglect, cheating, and emotional/violent abuse away.

I just need to know that I will be happy again, and that one day, this brutal man will not haunt my thoughts and will move out from the back of my head.

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