Separate beds and emotionally unavailable
We were rarely intimate and I’m tired of being lonely. How many times did I feel like he wants to make love all the time, or he won’t leave me alone? How about never! I waited to marry and waited to have children until we could be financially ready for those responsibilities. He was highly educated, handsome in lots of ways, could do almost anything... except share intimacy with me.
At first, I did all the self-improvement to try and get him to come around. Nothing! So does this mean he is having an affair, or is he gay? Nope! Okay, let's do counseling? He'd make a plan or two, but there was always some reason he was too tired. Okay, health issue? Who knows?
Now, after 20 years and intimacy absent for years, I search to reconnect my life and my needs for intimacy. I know that all of the emotional support thru my divorce will be on my shoulders for the children, as he will remain clueless as to their pain. His sudden need to spend a lot of time with church friends is excessive, and this will be his tidy reason for being emotionally absent with me. He can say we did not have the same beliefs, and he can go on being unaccountable due to ideology.
So, to all those women like myself that have lived years in separate beds, or who are experiencing few or no romantic evenings with laughter and anticipation of intimacy, I have been there. I am a creative, bright 48 year old that will begin again, wanting to look forward, convinced that life is too brief to be alone and lonely while married. He was emotionally unavailable.
I know there are some ladies who will ask why I stayed for so long. I believed we could work it out, enjoy date nights, or reawaken to deeper connection once the kids were out of diapers. It looked from the outside all was working. But all my interventions and ideas would never lead him to need me, want me.
The process of wanting a divorce has been long. Now I seek to reenter the workforce, build a life with friends of similar interest, and find what it is like to have a caring companion. I have missed that part of a relationship for too many years.