My Prince Charming Changed

by Gale
(Ca. Usa)

He treated me and my two girls like queens when we started dating. He made me feel special, and we feel in love after three or four months. It was so wonderful to be with someone like him. All my previous relationships were love-less. I hated sex and thought it was dirty. The smell made me sick because as a child from 4 to 11 years of age, I was molested by my brother. So my whole life I had problems with intimacy. Well this man taught me that sex between two people in love is beautiful, not dirty. And the more we talked about it, the walls that I've had up for forty years came down.


I loved that he did this…changed my world…and soon he asked me to marry him! I was so happy. But here's the hardest part. The minute we said I do, he changed. You know like when you give a baby a pacifier and you take it away, he cries right? All I wanted was the intimacy, I craved it and he took it away! Who does this?
We would go to work; leaving at the same time and getting off work at the same time. Yet I was home in fifteen minutes while he took four hours. So for the first three years he did this. Then his dad got cancer and asked if we would buy his house. I was glad because I never had a home of my own, so I thought it would get better. Instead it got worse.

Now I find out he's looking at online smut, not pictures of women but men that
looked like women!!! I about died. He denied and denied it. And now he says he's an alcoholic too. His dad passed away and it got worse.

He’s gone for weeks at a time and when he gets home, I go off because he won't say were he's been. So the fights turn physical on my part, I'm hitting to make him accountable for whatever. When I just yell he leaves. He just never wants to be here because he can't drink his self to death. 36 beers a day… not in our home!
To top it off, his Mom won't send him home. It says in the bible that mom is supposed to be 2nd and the wife is # 1. She has never raised her voice to her kids. I had tough love in more ways than one. He'll say he’s sorry and will come home for a day or two, but then he’ll be gone for three weeks at a time. Overall, he’s spent 70% at his moms, 20% in rehab, and only 10% with me.

When I said my vows in front of God, I meant them and live by them, but he has not done anything. I'm not working, he's retired and the house is in limbo. I don't know what or where to go. I have my fifteen year old daughter still at home and he's got his mommy. I can't take this. I'm going crazy not knowing when he’ll kick us out and where this house stands. He hides, lies about money and his drinking, and the only one that believes him is him. There's more but I'm tired...

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Interesting take.
by: E. J.

I know the feeling on changing after marriage. Mine went for 10 years. However, I am the husband and would like to say that it isn't always the man who changes. Now I am pretty sure that this won't be posted, but it needs to be said.

I met my wife through an online dating site and we hit it off immediately. She was (and is) active duty military. She has many emotional issues that were not revealed to me until she first mentioned divorce just over six months ago. I was not aware of her past - of her abuse that started at age three up until her young adult years. As a child, she (and her sister) suffered every form of abuse that a child could be put through, which shaped her adulthood. She is in her early 40s now and these issues still exist. As her husband, I was not aware of them until too late. Now, she is suffering from anxiety attacks, depression, and suicidal tendencies - and is seeing therapists for all three.

It just breaks my heart to know all of this. In our marriage counseling sessions, she told the counselor that because of "walls" and such, she would run at the first sign of trouble. The only reason she hasn't as of yet, is due to our two young children.

I love her with all of my heart and just don't know what to do. This past January she told me of how her sister is going through a divorce - and how nasty things are for the sister. Throughout our marriage, the sister and I didn't quite get along... During the time in January, my wife told me "no matter how bad things get, we will never get a divorce."

I know - and have seen - the messages from her sister, who has been bad mouthing me at every turn and how the grass is greener on the other side. Long story short, yes we had a few problems every now and then as all marriages do. But, this past March she asked for divorce and said "I never knew I was so sad." Interesting coming from someone who said they would never divorce.
She has gone through a gauntlet of emotions and excuses - from holes in past to lack of intimacy (the last time we made love was just after Valentine's Day, and that certainly didn't show any lack of intimacy...)

So, here I am looking in from your side. She asked for divorce, but couldn't give a logical reason as to why. Lack of love/intimacy - if that was the case, then the letters/notes/love making, etc the month before was imagined??? My bet is that her emotional issues, tied with the closeness and suggestions of her sister, led to this.

My heart is broken. But I still love her so very much and want this to survive.
Be strong
by: Iris

When I met my ex-husband he was wonderful. He would buy me expensive gifts all the time. We would spend a lot of time together, but as soon as we got married everything changed. He got very jealous and possessive. He wouldn't buy me anything, not even the most basic things a woman needs. Instead, he started taking my money away from me.

His parents and his divorced sister lived with us. I wasn't allowed to go visit my family without his mother's permission. He wouldn't go with me to any of my family gatherings. I couldn't hang out with my friends. And when he would get mad, he wouldn't talk to me for days. I was so stressed and started getting migraines. I was depressed all the time. I wanted to get out of there but I loved him too much and didn't know how to escape it.

My mother was very supportive and helped me get out of there. It’s been over three years now and I am back to my old self. I went back to school to finish my degree. I understand how difficult it can be to leave. But you need to pull yourself together for the sake of your kids. They look up to you so you have to be a role model for them. Leave this man. He is not worth it. Try to find a job or go back to school. Help is available if you look for it.
THE UNDER DOG WON THIS ONE.. ME
by: Gale

I'm so lost. He has now been gone for two months!! Oh my God, then he wonders why I go off. Trust me I'm so not putting up with this. He turns off his phone so I can't GPS him. Who need GPS? I don't even want to find him and if I did, I could just go to the nearest liquor store… What a joke.

With men like him I'm glad there's women like me who will make it, and all your stories help me so much. You women have giving me so much desire, will, and courage to take my power back. He's so not worth my time. I'm finished and he will keep paying my bills the minute he stops, I'm all over that at the court house. Stay strong and never put up or settle we as women deserve better... GOOD LUCK. My soon to be ex will need it...
True
by: eDesirs

It is funny how men always change... My man did not even wait till the marriage before changing... Though I am too in love and am still taking it!
My 1st husband changed too
by: My First Three Husbands

My first husband changed after our marriage. He went from a fun-loving guy to a controlling jealous husband who wanted to know where I was every second of the day. I was punished for a crime I didn't commit. We divorced after two years. Jennifer Monahan, author of My First Three Husbands (https://jennifermonahan.com/)
Do not feel alone!
by: Shanna

I married my husband when we were young. I had 2 children from a teenage marriage. I won’t go into how it broke up; suffice it to say it was a terrible betrayal of trust.

Then I met my brother’s friend and we fell in love at 17 & 18. He moved in with me and my 2 children. He started calling phone sex in his 20s and has continued doing so till this day. I left him 10 years ago because of his p*rn addiction, alcoholism, and abuse both verbal and physical. I bought my own home and had a good job in the hospital.

He promised me he would quit drinking if I let him back in my life so I did, just like a fool. He ended up kicking me in my lower back, which lead to a herniated disc. Through 5 spinal surgeries, 2 back stimulators, and one morphine pump I stayed, because I had nowhere to go and since I was now disabled with no way to make money. We got into another altercation and he got in my face screaming about some clothes in the middle of the floor that I was giving to good will. He burnt my middle finger with the curling iron that was plugged in.

I am now living with my mother, cry every night and he will be served soon. When I speak with him he still finds ways to devastate me emotionally. I am seeing a counselor and am back in university studying for my degree in psychology. But divorce is HELL! HANG IN THERE... I was with this man for 26 years!!!

FOR OTHERS IN THIS SITUATION - BE BRAVE & BEWARE!
Unwanted surprises
by: Online Divorce

Marriage often reveals more of your partner's personality. And there are times when the traits that are kept hidden from you all along can become the reason for marriage not working.

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