Married but all alone

by Jennifer
(New York)

My story is a little unique...I’m not looking for judgment please. I am still currently married; I have been with my husband for 10 years and married almost one year. He got in trouble around 12 years ago for being with a girl that was a few years younger than him and he is now considered a registered sex offender.

We have a child together who is turning 8 and he has yet to see her...he has never met her, never held her, never watched her be brought into this world… not because he didn't want to, but because he couldn't. We are only allowed to see each other certain days out of the week and they have to be approved.

Don't get me wrong, I love this man so much but the loneliness that I endure is hard to take. His family treats me horribly and he doesn't want to rock the boat so he allows it, and if I stand up for myself I am causing the drama. I have invested a lot of time, tears, and heartache into this relationship. It's not easy being a single mother yet so lonely and being married.

There is so much more that I can list, but it would take forever to get everything covered. In order for all of this to be done and for us to become a family he will have to serve some time in prison… he got a fairly lengthy sentence (for which he's already been on probation for 12 years and having to do another ten is out of the question). So here is another worry on my mind.

I want to clear this up that he is not a child molester nor is his crime regarding a child - I wouldn't be with him if it was. I feel detached from him out of my own bitterness towards him. I cry at the thought of leaving him, but cry at the thought of being left alone and missing him.

What can I do to make my marriage work? I am so tired of being so lonely and having to do all of this alone without any help. Thanks everyone for any advice you can give me!

Comments for Married but all alone

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Are you sure?
by: Beth

I will try to be kind, but I suspect your entire knowledge of this incident is what he has told you and you can't imagine not believing him. If you want to walk in the real world in which you have a chance of making the correct decisions for yourself and your child you are responsible for, you MUST seek out and speak with the victim herself and others who knew him, you must review every thing he has said to you and then do your level best to verify whether or not it is true, or has been fashioned for your ears. I strongly suspect the latter. It is extremely difficult to let go of a dream and stand on your own two feet and we will fight to the death to defend our dreams and hope when there is nothing really to support what we want to be true. I hope for you and your child you seek hearing the incident from others who can tell you another version than the one he's telling you. Good luck.
He has to be responsible for his actions
by: Heartbroken

Honey... do your Homework and find out the truth about the situation before you stand next to him. You can’t just go off of what he says because I’m sure that he knew what he was getting into. And men don’t like to tell the truth (especially about another woman).

And think about it… is he worth waiting for? What has he done for you to make you want to stand by him? Love is not a reason too. Unless it is shown in actions…saying "baby I love you" doesn’t prove anything.

Even his family doesn’t want to deal with you, and you get blamed for trying to be supportive? That’s a red flag in my book. I say let it go. You can’t waste your time waiting on a man. You still have to live your life... because there is no guarantee that he is the man for you. Or the man you want him to be. You haven’t even had the time to really get to know him. And guess what, I suggest that you don’t.... Pay attention to the signs.
Response
by: Jennifer

He's not a monster...she was a vengeful girl that wanted to be with him and he didn't want to be with her, etc. I know since you were a victim and I'm not minimizing it because it wasn't right what you went through and your brother should have been punished; but my husband did something that more than 90% of all teenage guys do...she was 15 and he was 18...so it’s not like the girl was a child. But any how...I just don't want to be lonely but I also don't want to be in the dating scene. I guess when I mentioned what he was charged with, monster comes to everyone’s mind no matter what it is...so yeah.
Not judging
by: Gale

Hi, not sure this is the answer your looking for, but if he's doing time for being a sex offender, then he is. Bottom line is, I was a victim and my offender is out there and never got punished. Why? Because he was my brother!! My advice to you is stay as far away from him as you can. Love your children or yourself more than a man like that. There are too many fish in the sea to worry about one bad seed. Find someone worthy of your love. I hate men who bring women to love them and pull this this BS… I'm sorry, but I would get out.

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