Losing My Husband to a Bottle

by Helen
(Stockbridge, GA)

I can ask my husband 7 days a week why he is so adamant about divorcing me and he will give me 7 different answers. They are never the same, they never make sense. His main one is that I was mean to him.

I am and have always been an old fashioned, June Cleaver type wife. I love making meals and bringing them to him on a tray, even when I was sick. I love to iron his uniforms and have him look good and starched, make his lunch, make sure he has the snacks he likes, keep his home spotless, dote on him where ever we go, get him ready for church or other events.

I was disabled when we met and am a bit worse now, but I have always contributed to the upkeep of the home. He has always only made just enough to pay bills, always robbing Peter to pay Paul, but I always bailed us out no matter what. He bounces checks, will write a check even if he knows the account is already overdrawn and blames me.

He blames me for everything. He says he wants a divorce but does not want me to leave. Most of my illnesses are emotionally related; even his doctor has told me that I need to see about myself.

But he just can’t stand for me to complain about his drinking. He is a mean drunk. He is drunk 98% of the time (the other 2% he goes to work). He drinks vodka on an empty stomach, and then he gets arrogant, hateful, smart-alecky and annoying. He does not remember anything good that I do and only tries to say I fuss too much. I only fuss when he is drunk. I try to ignore him but he is obnoxious.

I want the divorce now and I want to move out before it is final, but I am disabled and trying to get back on Social Security Disability. I need his insurance, I need his financial help, and I need him to help me until I get married again, but he says he will not help me. I blame myself most of the time. I am his 5th wife, go figure.

Comments for Losing My Husband to a Bottle

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Always drunk and verbally abusive
by: Karen

I have been with my husband for 28 years and we went through lot of things together. I have changed my life completely and he refuses to do the same. He spends money with no direction and has bad decision-making abilities. He continues to remind me of my mistakes when I was his drinking buddy and how I would be better off drinking. During all the abuse I have still managed to change my life. I am now in a Legal administration course and changing. As his drinking progress he is unbearable and refuses change so I must leave.

Feel like I'm in the same boat
by: Tami

Good for you!! I am so glad you left... That's the point I'm getting to now. My boyfriend has been to rehab and only listens to the parts that benefit him. He's back to drinking and thinks there is nothing wrong with it. He was out at a crack hotel till 4 in the morning and tried to tell me that's not where he was. I'm just so disgusted with it all. I need my strength back so I can begin my healing again to be happy.

Misty in Michigan
by: Alcohol and drugs were more important

I am a simple lady with different views than my husband. He loves to party with others and drink and smoke crack. My husband loves his Alcohol and Crack more than his own wife. This is the 2nd time I left and my final time. I am not going back to him at all.

He has a split personality; he can be sweet as pie one minute and the next he is ripping things apart and breaking them. Then he’ll say "oh honey that will never happen again." You believe him until the next time it happens.

Then there are the constant put downs in public, calling you ugly. He puts his own family before me, but makes me choose him over my family. I’m not allowed to have friends. He loves to have control and I’m not allowed to do much of anything.

He is a brain washer but I cannot fall for his act anymore. I had to get away because I need to be on my own to let myself heal all over again.

He has been using Crack since before we got married. He promised to get help, but always had an excuse. The 1st time I left him it was because he lost his job because he wanted to get high instead of working. All I asked of him is to quit getting high and his reply was "There is no way I can quit". I replied back "There is no way I can stay". So I left. That was 4 years ago.

Two years later, I got really sick and he decided to come take care of me. I had a stroke and now I am disabled. The whole control cycle started all over again this last spring and lasted until December 3rd, when I packed up and left again.

Now I am doing that cool down period and let me tell you, if he knew where I was I would not be here. I would be 6 feet under. He has already told that to several people that I know.

I CAN NOT LIVE OR LOVE A MAN WHO CONTINUES TO DRINK, DO DRUGS, AND ABUSE HIS OWN WIFE....SORRY IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN ANYMORE...
I am getting there, slowly but surely...

No one knows what I go through behind closed
by: Ann S

I'm so torn up right now. My soon-to-be ex and I have 4 kids ranging from 10 to 1yr old. He's been spiraling out of control with cocaine and alcohol addiction; mostly alcohol and occasional drugs. So I finally blew a fuse when he did his regular disappearing act and left while I was putting the baby to bed. He pretty much said he hates me. By me yelling at him over the situation I'm just "bringing him down".

Absolutely no one knows what I go through behind closed doors with his addictions, and you can't even tell once morning comes and he's off to work. I feel so alone and now more than ever with him leaving. He is a good father to his kids, and I've always tried to hide his drinking by putting them to bed, and cleaning up the bottles in the morning. I feel horrible for my kids, and I don't even know what to tell them. I want to keep the house to keep some kind of stability for them, but I don't even think that I can afford it on my own. Can anyone relate to me???

Battle begins when you learn to fight.
by: Dave

As I read your life story, I feel the misery that you are currently facing. I know it would have been better if at least your husband was not an alcoholic. As you have said, he is always drunk 98% of the time, which is terrible to think on. I think you should tell your family about your situation, at least they could rescue you. You have not stated your disability parts which might be helpful to imagine how terrible your situation is now.

The first thing I suggest to you again is let someone know your situation and talk to a lawyer. It would be better if you both have space so that your husband will learn your value again in his life.

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