Losing My Husband to a Bottle

by Helen
(Stockbridge, GA)

I can ask my husband 7 days a week why he is so adamant about divorcing me and he will give me 7 different answers. They are never the same, they never make sense. His main one is that I was mean to him.

I am and have always been an old fashioned, June Cleaver type wife. I love making meals and bringing them to him on a tray, even when I was sick. I love to iron his uniforms and have him look good and starched, make his lunch, make sure he has the snacks he likes, keep his home spotless, dote on him where ever we go, get him ready for church or other events.

I was disabled when we met and am a bit worse now, but I have always contributed to the upkeep of the home. He has always only made just enough to pay bills, always robbing Peter to pay Paul, but I always bailed us out no matter what. He bounces checks, will write a check even if he knows the account is already overdrawn and blames me.

He blames me for everything, he says he wants a divorce but does not want me to leave. Most of my illnesses are emotionally related; even his doctor has told me that I need to see about myself.

But he just can’t stand for me to complain about his drinking. He is a mean drunk. He is drunk 98% of the time the other 2% he goes to work. He drinks vodka on an empty stomach, and then he gets arrogant, hateful, smart-alecky and annoying. He does not remember anything good that I do and only tries to say I fuss too much. I only fuss when he is drunk. I try to ignore him but he is obnoxious.

I want the divorce now and I want to move out before it is final, but I am disabled and trying to get back on Social Security Disability. I need his insurance, I need his financial help, and I need him to help me until I get married again, but he says he will not help me. I blame myself most of the time. I am his 5th wife, go figure.

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No one knows what I go through behind closed
by: Anonymous

I'm so torn up right now. My soon to be ex and I have 4 kids ranging from 10 to 1yr old. He's been spiraling out of control with cocaine and alcohol addiction; mostly alcohol and occasional drugs. So I finally blew a fuse when he did his regular disappearing act and left while I was putting the baby to bed. He pretty much said he hates me. By me yelling at him over the situation I'm just "bringing him down". Absolutely no one knows what I go through behind closed doors with his addictions, and you can't even tell once morning comes and he's off to work. I feel so alone and now more than ever with him leaving. He is a good father to his kids, and I've always tried to hide his drinking by putting them to bed, and cleaning up the bottles in the morning. I feel horrible for my kids, and I don't even know what to tell them. I want to keep the house to keep some kind of stability for them, but I don't even think that I can afford it on my own. Can anyone relate to me???

Battle begins when you learn to fight.
by: Dave

As I read your life story I feel the misery that you are currently facing. I know it would have been better if at least your husband is not an alcoholic as you have said that he is always drunk 98% that means most of his time which is terrible to think on. I think you should tell your family about your situation at least they could rescue you. You have not stated your disability parts which might be helpful to imagine how terrible your situation is now.

The first thing I suggest to you is again let someone know your situation and talk to a lawyer. It would be better if you both have space so that your husband will learn your value again in his life.

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