Losing My Husband to a Bottle

by Helen
(Stockbridge, GA)

I can ask my husband 7 days a week why he is so adamant about divorcing me and he will give me 7 different answers. They are never the same, they never make sense. His main one is that I was mean to him.

I am and have always been an old fashioned, June Cleaver type wife. I love making meals and bringing them to him on a tray, even when I was sick. I love to iron his uniforms and have him look good and starched, make his lunch, make sure he has the snacks he likes, keep his home spotless, dote on him where ever we go, get him ready for church or other events.

I was disabled when we met and am a bit worse now, but I have always contributed to the upkeep of the home. He has always only made just enough to pay bills, always robbing Peter to pay Paul, but I always bailed us out no matter what. He bounces checks, will write a check even if he knows the account is already overdrawn and blames me.

He blames me for everything. He says he wants a divorce but does not want me to leave. Most of my illnesses are emotionally related; even his doctor has told me that I need to see about myself.

But he just can’t stand for me to complain about his drinking. He is a mean drunk. He is drunk 98% of the time (the other 2% he goes to work). He drinks vodka on an empty stomach, and then he gets arrogant, hateful, smart-alecky and annoying. He does not remember anything good that I do and only tries to say I fuss too much. I only fuss when he is drunk. I try to ignore him but he is obnoxious.

I want the divorce now and I want to move out before it is final, but I am disabled and trying to get back on Social Security Disability. I need his insurance, I need his financial help, and I need him to help me until I get married again, but he says he will not help me. I blame myself most of the time. I am his 5th wife, go figure.