Irreconcilable differences drove us apart

by JayAnn
(Ohio)

My partner started out very free spirited and open minded about planning our future. We liked being together under whatever circumstances, rough or good. Bad situations always had a glimpse of hope as long as we were together.

One thing I could not get around was his controlling mother. She started off being this self-righteous biddy. She could not rest until she was in charge of every aspect of her son's life. She treated me very disrespectfully and very degrading. My husband never defended me...ever. The not defending me part is just the beginning of the voyage of destruction.

Upon the decision to have kids, everything was great. We moved in together and things couldn’t have been better.

When I lost my job, we had no choice but to move in with my in-laws. Things went down-hill from there.

He became a homebody, which I am not even close to being. He would become upset it I made plans and he did not want to attend any social functions. His attitude became sour. I could not handle him trying to keep me and the kids home with him. It just became too much for me.

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He changed when I got older
by: MJ

He doesn’t help with the expenses in the home. I end up having to pay for everything. He doesn’t take me out or spend any time with me. I am very lonely. I try to find things to do to not feel so alone. I am thinking about getting a divorce. We have been married for 43 years. I never thought my husband would treat me this way!

He acted as though I didn't exist
by: Kathy

My husband just withdrew into himself and ignored me completely. Our conversations were five minutes max. Then it was off to watch TV. Any attempts to get a connection between us was all on me and it didn't work. I begged and pleaded to no avail. Finally I stopped. Why should I fight for a marriage that he didn't care about? So I left and he's hurt but says he understands.

He says he knows what he was doing to me and knows my bad behavior was brought on by his. My husband is a good man, didn't do anything "bad" to me, nor I to him, but I went from feeling unloved to resenting him.

Let Me Count The Ways...
by: Kimberley

The list of our irreconcilable differences is as follows, in no particular order of importance: Verbal psychological abuse, financial management differences, parenting ideological differences, intellectual differences, unrealistic expectations in the bedroom, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, absolute unwillingness to compromise, communication differences, and it could go on. We were just not compatible at all.

The verbal/mental abuse was the worst; it wove its way through all the other aspects of our problems. I was led to believe that we had many ideologies in common, but as time went on, I found he wasn't that person. But then I changed a lot during the 25 year marriage, I felt and thought very differently after having much counseling during the marriage. We are apart, our children are grown, and I no longer hate him. I’m still working on not hating myself.

Mismatch from the start!
by: Happiness

We were always fighting and could never see eye to eye on anything. First of all, he refused to work, so I was the one who had to pay all the bills and the loans. He also made me take care of all the household chores, which resulted in a slipped disk. There was no intimacy in our relationship because he claimed that he didn’t have any experience. On top of that, he was possessive and emotionally abusive. I finally packed up and left after he picked a fight with my sibling on my 32nd birthday.

Two years later, divorced and happy, I found out he had was having an affair and he had been cheating along.

Happy at Last
by: Sue

I've been married for 20 years and he has been laid off for the last 2 years. He gripes about the house not being clean, but yet he can tell you about every court or talk show that is on TV. If bills are going be late (like the house payment), it is always me dealing with this stuff. I work all day, come home, cook, and get things cleaned up while he just sits there.

We have 2 kids and our daughter cries just about every morning because he yells at her to hurry up, get her brother up and get ready. He left for 3 weeks and the kids and I great time. We all worked together and it was great. I felt bad that he didn’t have a place to go, so I took him back. It was a dumb move and VERY bad on my part. He gets mad at me and takes it out on the kids. He doesn’t want the divorce, but I do.

For once in my life, I'm doing what I need to do. I can’t stand to be around him or even look at him anymore. I guess I just fell out of love. Or was it really Love in the first place? 20 years ago I just didn’t want to be alone. But now I want to be happy (he doesn’t do that for me anymore). This is one of the best decisions I have ever made and I’m very happy; so are the kids. Thank you for letting me vent.

My marriage was the same way
by: Jeanette

We could not agree on anything!!! Basically it came down to we did not have a lot in common. We couldn't communicate. We disagreed on how money should be spent. We didn't have a lot of the same hobbies or interests. We had different religious views. We couldn't agree on parenting issues. We had different goals in life. We had different views on intimacy.

Irreconcilable differences broke up my marriage
by: St (California)

Irreconcilable differences drove us apart as well. His side was Catholic and my mother's side is Buddhist. We had a non-denominational wedding, but his mother was not always accepting of my religion or me. She never treated me like a daughter-in-law and always treated me like nothing. I married a Mama's Boy… she adored him and did everything for him. He's 37 and it drove me nuts.

He never really grew up. Also, money management and his debt and money-borrowing got out of control. To top it off, our communication was very poor due to his work hours (Graveyard shift).

We slept in different beds and it was getting lonely. We only slept in the same bed on the weekends and were intimate during that time.

Does anyone else have the same stories as I?

I understand
by: Betrayed

My marriage ended because both of us weren't mature enough for solving our problems together (or not letting others interfere in our life). Unfortunately, he told to his family everything I had done and his family encouraged him to do this. Therefore, I couldn't trust my husband. I thought everything that my husband had done was because his family told him to. It wasn't good for me and everything that he suggested; I had to disagree with him.

Also, we fought with each other and I hadn't seen him for 2 months. After we saw each other again, I realized my husband had an affair. He said "you hadn't been here and I couldn't control myself and I found a girlfriend to for the release". Unfortunately, I accepted his excuse and after 2 months we fought again and he left me and filed divorce paper and we got divorced.

He refused to change
by: Grace

I have two children and 4 grandchildren. My husband does not have any children. We have been married for 25 years. We do not have a will or living trust because he is not interesting in doing one. God forbid if I die without a will, my children will not get anything because there is no will or living trust. If I die before him, I would like to leave the house for my daughter after my husband dies, but he does not want that.

But we have had this conversation. He would like to leave a percentage of the money for his two nieces. I would honor that if he dies before me. But If I die before him, he will not honor my wish because he doesn't want my daughter to get the house.

This is the reason I’m filing for a divorce, because this is the only way I can get some assets. We live in a two story house both of us live on separate floors. Since we can't buy out each other, the house will have to sell. When the house is sold, it will be divided 50/50 but this won't happen anytime soon because of the real estate market. But the other assets like retirement plan, credit union and bank saving will divided up 50/50 soon.

We had nothing left in common
by: Vicki

Irreconcilable differences would be an understatement for what broke up my marriage. Let’s see, there were life changes, midlife changes, and spent time apart. We slept in separate bedrooms, were constantly fighting, there was no chemistry between us, and we could not get along. Over time, we grew apart in different directions and had nothing in common, other than the constant put downs, emotional abuse, and lack of mutual respect. The only regret I have is that I took five years to make my decision to divorce when I knew in my gut for 10 years I was married to the wrong man for me.

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