Infidelity Was The Final Straw

by cathy
(ny)

I resented the fact he never was home. I had many conversations with my husband on my feelings and it didn't change. I got angry and communication broke down and he had an affair and claimed he didn't think I loved him.

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Adultery was the Deal Breaker
by: Kathy

The day I had his adultery confirmed by a PI, I called an attorney and told them to get the papers ready. I met with my attorney at the court house 5 days later - filed and had him served. He was served at work 3 days later. In the short span of a week and a day, I set a new course for myself.

I was done - I would not tolerate adultery. The divorce was acrimonious and expensive. Not sure why he was so vindictive - except in my state I filed and was granted a divorce on grounds of adultery. He told me he would be generous if I changed it to irreconcilable differences. I refused and he vowed to leave me penniless and without a roof over my head after 38 years of marriage as a stay at home mom to our 4 kids. That didn't happen.

Again, no logic in his concern for having his adultery exposed because the day the divorce was final -- he moved one of his adultery partners into his corporate apartment with him and is now engaged to be married.

He is 63 and she is 35. He notified his adult kids that he was getting married via texts as he can't be bothered to face them or apologize for his behavior -

Why did my marriage break up? - On the surface – Adultery. I'm not a mental health expert but I can't help but wonder how a person can live a certain way for many decades and then change so drastically. That’s the hardest part for my kids. I hate to see them hurting.
He had a girlfriend
by: Lady RB

I was married to the same man for 25 years. He has been verbally and mentally abusive to me and our kids. I was not allowed to ask where he was going or when he would come back. He had his life and I had my life with our kids. I had to be home when he was home, and if I went out I had to be sure to be home when he got home.

I was told we were getting a divorce but to not tell anyone, that it was nobody's business but ours. I had done exactly what he had told me for so many years that I did not tell anyone; not our kids, my friends, or my family. When we started divorce proceeding I would ask for time to get my life in order, but he would belittle me, call me names and make me feel like the worst person on earth. I finally gave in to the divorce.

About 2 weeks later I found out the reason he divorced me was because he had been having an affair for a year and a half. He moved 2 blocks away from my house and of course made my life a living hell. He still comes to my house to pick-up our 7 year old son, and he doesn't miss a chance to belittle me in front of him or our 18 year old daughter. I have seen how his life has changed for the worse in 6 months; cyber girlfriends have come from out of the blue, and of course I am to blame. Then I finally decided to just ignore him. When he started telling me things, I would just close my door so he stopped causing problems with me.

Now he feels like he has to give me explanations of where and when he is going and taking our son. I have told him several times that "as long as he takes care of our son that I really don't care what he does". I really don't ask question and could care less for what he does, but now he seems to want to keep me informed. I am really confused. I know this man better than I know myself and when he does give explanations, it’s because things in his life are not going his way.

The only thing I know is that I see my life better now without him in it. I see the person I have become and I see that I can actually have a life without him. I have told him the woman he used to know no longer exists. I no longer spend my time in bed away from our kids. I no longer take all those medications that I used to take when he was here. I know it is a very short time to see a big change in my life. I see the woman I have become and I like her. I get up every morning, get dressed up to go out, and put on make-up. Something I never did.

When it comes to our kids, my ex has fought me every step of the way. He used to be here to pick him up at the designated time and bring him home exactly at the time he was supposed to. All of a sudden he picks him up late and brings him home late, but will call to give explanation on why he is late.

When it comes to our 18 year old daughter, he has no relationship with her at all. He has told me that since she cannot accept his girlfriend, he cannot have a relationship with her. Our daughter is a great kid and I feel sorry for him, for not having a relationship with her. I believe his loss is my gain. Our kid is a great kid. I just hope, when he realizes he wants to be in her life, it is not too late.

I just hope my life gets better and better with time. I just hope he sees that he did me a favor by leaving and that I soon can move to a better place in life.
Until he got sick
by: Kassi

One day he came home sicker than usual. I was just called back to work and he started having more seizures, panic, and anxiety attacks than usual. So, we needed a chore provider to step in. Well, come to find out he hired someone that he has known for some time (years). He got know her when he stayed out some nights and abandoned us (4 children) and not come home.

Over the years we argued a lot about him not coming home and usually finding him with her and always over her house. So, he hired her to care for him while I was at work. It later turned out that he wanted to start spending more time over there until he stopped coming home some nights.

So my husband left me for the chore provider basically and wanted to have me too. I wasn't having it and I finally decided to leave him after 19 years of marriage. It is very hard. I just left him but I'm being strong. Prior to this episode I have endured battered women syndrome with this same man. I'm a survivor.
It's the disrespect
by: KaLynn

How can someone neglect you for years and watch you cry, beg and nag for time and attention? When they put up a shield, you stop obsessing over them not spending time with you. But then they top it off with a disrespectful affair.

Having an affair with someone way out of town was too hard for my husband. He had to do it right in my face. I'm so angry at him and her both. I loved her like a real sister. I didn’t know people did this in real life.
Same here
by: Taylor

I too was angry for his being gone all the time. So after begging and nagging for time and attention, I learned to live in the home without him. I no longer required or wanted anything from him. Sex made me sick to my stomach, but I would still do it.

One day I noticed a look between him and my brother’s wife, so I stated paying attention and sure enough they were having an affair. I left when it was confirmed. Now he's begging me to come back and he wants to be everything he refused to be before. I wish he would have just left me alone. I listened to what he had to say because I needed to know why he was never present in the marriage. He wants to try again but, I can’t. The abandonment and cheating is way too much.
Justification for affair
by: Angie

He sounds exactly like my husband. He told me that he had (and is still having) an affair because he didn't feel like I loved him. I told him that he had an affair due to his own selfishness. If he felt like I didn't love him and needed to be with someone else, why not file for a divorce? He is now living with her and still saying that he doesn't want to divorce.

There is no excuse for an affair and it's not your fault. He has admitted the affair to our children and it's devastating because the other woman is my son's friend’s mother. Men always try to blame the women for the affair when it just seems like it would be easier for them to leave than to walk around lying to everybody and trying to cover up their tracks.

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