In denial about his addictions

by Blue
(California )

We have been married for two years and his drinking has worsened. He doesn't try to hide the vodka anymore. Instead he finds reasons to fight with me. He likes to fight so that I will leave him alone so he can enjoy his filthy videos. He never wants to make love with me. He tells me he doesn't feel like it or is too tired, but when I go look in the computer I can see that he was watching this garbage. I go drop off the kids to school and by the time I get home he is already on the computer and drinking.

I feel alone, unwanted and unappreciated. I keep myself in shape and am not bad looking, yet he doesn't seem interested in me. I tried dressing up, I tried talking to him about it but he denies there is a problem. I tried going to counselor but he told me that his watching this stuff was normal, even though he neglected me. About the alcohol, he said he couldn't help me because he denies he has a problem. I even tried banning all electronics from the house and it helped, but eventually he went right back to ignoring me.

The last straw was last month when he was off for three days and I worked. Every day when I got home he was passed out drunk on couch. The first day I was off, I took my daughter to school and then went to gym. I got home and he is on couch drinking. I took a shower and then called him to the room. He walked in with rage, yelling at me for demanding his presence. I asked him to please calm down. I simply called him, not demanding. He escalated arguing, asking why I had to call him because he was fixing the car. I said honey that is no reason for you to get mad but he wouldn't stop.

The fight continued to escalate and I ended up having to get a restraining order on him. He has been out of the house for a month and I have enjoyed the peace and quiet. I met with him today and he confessed to me that the reason he started that fight was to avoid being intimate with me. It was painful hearing that but it reinforced what I already knew. I asked him to get counseling for his drinking and he refused. I told him the only way he could come back home is if he gave up drinking and p*rn.

He asked me "what I will have then?" I told him ME and our marriage. Isn't that important? He said it’s not enough, that he needs more freedom. I said you are already living like a single guy, what do you mean by more freedom? He never answered but we agreed to file for divorce. I can't live like this anymore.