He wanted a separation

by Jennifer
(Modesto)

He had started working in another city and he went out one night with his sister. She and her husband have an open marriage, but he always said he didn't agree with that.

Well, he called me and told me that he wanted a separation because we had grown apart. He had been up the weekend before and showed no sign of feeling this way, and so he sprang this on me a few days ago.

He brought up that we had been married for 3 years with no kids. And that he wanted to lose weight and since I hadn't lost weight (which killed me), he felt I was holding him back!

I never told him he couldn't go to the bar or anything. I even told him I could forgive him and work on a drunken mistake, but he said that he made up his mind. He wanted to separate because he wanted to be able to go out without attachments and he didn't even give me a chance!

So I have nothing. I lost my job and we thought with him getting a new one that we would be ok. I stopped my unemployment, so I have no money and no assets. This is good on one hand because then he can’t say it’s his. But I’m so heart-broken and he won’t talk to me and I don't know what to do from here!

I wish I could have someone’s advice maybe that's been through this...

Comments for He wanted a separation

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I feel your pain
by: He Walked Away

I'm so, so, so sorry! I know completely how you feel. I recently took my husband back yet AGAIN to find him GONE the very next morning! My daughter continually cries and asks questions that I can't answer. I have since then learned that he had actually gotten the female who is "a methadone patient" of SIX years pregnant!!! I'm devastated but I know that with God, I can overcome this, I'm praying for you too!
We separated many times before we divorced
by: Joy

My ex-husband and I were married 10 years. We separated (initially it was just supposed to be briefly) because our marriage was so terrible. There was a series of events that altered our underlying love, respect and trust in each other, and it snowballed into a lot of anger and resentment. He became possessive, violent, and suicidal at times. He made me believe it was because he loved me so much. But I had to file a TPO so we could safely take some space to reevaluate everything in our marriage. But instead of helping, he up and moved 6 hours away.

I felt abandoned with the issues, with all the bills and with my daughter. He humiliated me by telling his family every lie he could to twist things in his favor. It was shocking how easily he was able to pick up life where he left off, all along, assuring me that we could work it out. I found out about his 1st emotional affair when visiting him before reconciling. It was a perfect evening complete with making love until we fell asleep, but then woke up by being called another woman's name as he talked and caressed me in his sleep.

After waking up, he seemed all too eager to come clean with no remorse. In fact, he seemed to enjoy the control he had over my emotions. He relished in my sobbing as he schooled me on how it was all my fault that it happened because I was ignoring his needs and by pointing out all my short comings as a wife. Not a whole day passed before he was apologetic and promised to "fix" everything, if only I'd give him the chance.

I made the choice to stay married but I would not live with him until I felt secure in his changes. We went on to repeat this 3 more times with other women. Each time, it was a little worse than the last. 3 years went by and it was a take one step forward, two steps back kind of relationship. One night he just quit talking to me and took a week to contact me.

I was confused and hurt when he finally said he was done. He blamed me and hung up in my face and had my phone turned off. He’s had no contact with me or our child for 3 months. I was humiliated that Facebook broke the news of yet another woman and that his family knew about it and supported him. I didn't have the energy anymore and I filed for divorce.

But just before the divorce hearing, he sent me an email saying that he loved me and begged me not to do it. I did anyways but we continued to "talk" because I still had hope. He pursued me every day and we seemed happy. I started to believe that the divorce had helped us.

But just last night, I accidentally received a sexual text that was not meant for me. So, once again I am heart broken and humiliated. I feel stupid for wasting my love and life on this man. I can finally say (and mean) that I'm done! I feel so supported knowing that there are others who share my pain...
He’s been sleeping on the couch
by: Emily

We've only been married a year and all of the sudden he wants to file for divorce. Not only does he want me to pay for the divorce, but he’s trying to keep me from touching my bank account that I worked for. He has a home he already had when we go married. I took care of his children and look how he treats me.
To: He Walked Away
by: Josie

Wow! I was so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope things will get better for you and your children. It must be difficult to stay strong, but a good support system is essential. People on this site have helped me tremendously. I hope you will stay in touch with other women who have also struggled through the divorce process.
He walked away and left us broke
by: Nicole

My husband and I had been separated for 3 months when he called and wanted to "reconcile". We reconciled and the next day after having a great evening and enjoying our children, he left. And he called to tell me he didn't love me nor did he want me.

He wanted "her". He took my money. I was stranded at home with no food or furniture with a 4 year old and a 20 month old. If it weren't for his grandparents I don't know what I would have done!
God knows all
by: Jennifer

Not sure if you believe in God and have faith, but that is what you need right now. Pray for peace and let the love of God encompass you. You deserve to be treated better, and realize that we teach people how to treat us. Let go of the idea of compensation and focus on taking care of yourself, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Things seen are temporary, things unseen and eternally. Let him have the house its material, but taking care your emotional, mental and spiritual well-being is critical right now. Do not give him any more control; turn your will and life over to God. I’m praying for your strength.
We have been living apart
by: Cyndi

We separated 2 years after the marriage and have been living in separate states. We have never slept in the same house since the separation.
Heart Broken too
by: Amy from Kentucky

My husband of 10 years told me in October that he wanted a separation. A week later he said he wanted divorce. In May we wrote each other letters saying what our issues were in the marriage. I told him that I did not like him being aggravated all the time. I understood him working all day, having school work, and trying to start a business was stressful. But I needed some of his time and I did not want to be yelled at for a messy house or anything else. I was working too and we have 3 kids.

He said he wanted a more organized house, someone who would push him in the right directions trying to start up the business. Hel also wanted to try to find new things we like to do together since a lot of the old things we use to do he did not like anymore. He told me in the same letter that he loved me and would never leave.

His reasons for divorce kept changing. One minute it was me, that I was the one who made him the angry person he was. The other minute it was because he cannot show emotion for me anymore. But he kept saying he did not leave me for another woman.

But I’m finding out now that the day he left he started dating a woman who had moved to the area in July. This woman is 10 years older than him and is married in an open marriage. I never thought our marriage was one that could not be fixed. I was heartbroken and cried for several months.

I still have bad days and still can't put my finger on exactly what the real reason for him leaving is. He had a lot of failures in starting up business in the last year before the separation and had never met his professional goals in life. I always believed he was just stressed and depressed because of those issues and he tried to make himself believe that by changing everything, including leaving me, it would fix everything. He barely sees the girls and never filed one piece of paperwork for the divorce. I have to do that now. It still hurts to think about everything and I feel so alone.
I'm in the same boat
by: Jamie

My husband never touched me, was always criticizing me, and drank too much. I loved him with all my life and after three years of painful separation, things now are turning nasty.

My marriage was my life and he never deeply fulfilled the role as a husband. He works hard. but I never knew why he let me go so easily. He said he tried with us, but I believe that if you truly love someone you would do anything to keep that person. He has taken my life from me and I want to hurt him for having to rebuild it all.

He still has the house and our friends and replaced me with another woman. Please help. I want at least one of the two houses he has. I want the house because I feel he has wasted my life, did not give me children or stability. He keeps hurting me and he does not care or doesn’t have any respect for me. I am 42 and having to start again. Please help please I’m desperate, alone, and lonely.

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