Escalating Abuse Was The Final Straw

by Katie
(New York)

Should have listened to my gut... I actually broke off our engagement because of his verbal abuse and let myself get suckered into going through with it. We’ve been married for nearly 6 years now.

On top of everyday verbal abuse over dog hair, pasta sauce, cheerios on the floor, baby making a mess when she eats, etc. he also went out of his way to ruin many special occasions such as our wedding day, baby's first day home and my first Mother's Day. 2 weeks before I gave birth I was on my hands and knees assembling furniture while he was on the couch suffering from an acute case of March Madness. He asked me to find other women for him to have sex with.

He quit his job behind my back and when he couldn't get another job he moved us from North Carolina to Michigan this summer so he could go back to school. While he was unemployed he would kick me and baby out of the apartment every day so he could watch online smut. He got rid of baby's crib, insisted I continue to nurse overnight even though pediatrician said not to... of course she fell off the bed he put her in and has developed sleep problems. He has been very controlling (physical, emotional, financial).

Physical abuse has escalated since July. Last straw was Oct. 6, when he put our daughter in the middle of it. He started yelling about toothbrushes, ripped up one of our daughter's books, and then slammed a door into my torso and held it shut so I was pinned in the doorway.... he had her in his arms the entire time and she was crying "Mommy" and he refused to let me hold her. Then he called me "crazy" and "f@#ked in the head". He taunted me saying "Are you going to the police again to tell them I battered you?"

Then he demanded I withdraw $500 out of my $3200 account so he could get his car repaired. This guy is sitting on $70,000! I withdrew the $$$, but took it back when he wasn't looking. I left with my daughter and the dog the next morning, and ended up going out of state to my parents' house and have been awarded temporary physical custody until a further hearing is held.

Ongoing custody and visitation will be a challenge, finding work in this economy is tough, living with my parents is embarrassing... but I REFUSE to expose my daughter to his craziness anymore.

As difficult as this has been, it is easy in one important way... I dropped 185 lbs. of nastiness and it feels GREAT!!! I am optimistic about mine and my daughter's futures and have many reasons to smile. :-)

Comments for Escalating Abuse Was The Final Straw

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Don't Go Back!!!
by: Amelia129

I finally took my life back after years of emotional and physical abuse from my husband. We were married for almost 8 years and I never knew when he would get angry at me. He isolated me from my mom, family, and friends so I couldn’t get any support.

Trust me; the physical abuse doesn't happen suddenly. It starts from words and emotional control, then the physical abuse comes next. Wake up, Ladies! Life goes on and is too precious to waste on a bad man. Get out while you still can!!!
Violence and mental illness
by: Kendra622

I have been married for thirteen years. My husband was 21 when I married him. He was straight out of prison. When I met him he was very charming. He talked about being released from prison after serving three years for something he didn't do. He spent a lot of time with me when I had no one.

The cheating and the abuse started early but I took on the blame. I said the wrong things or I said the right things the wrong way. He has cheated on me, burned me with hot water, kicked, bit and punched me, poked me with knives, but I stayed. He couldn't help it after all, he was mentally ill.

After all these years of physical and mental abuse, I’m out. But I am so scared.
He was a bully
by: Samantha652

You wouldn’t believe what a jerk my husband can be. He bullies everyone, including our own children. When they were toddlers and learning to walk, he would purposely make them trip or knock them down because he thought it was funny. He would tell me I was stupid and never had anything worthwhile to say. He would even tell other people "don't listen to her, she's stupid". He demanded I have dinner ready for him, and that I bring it to him on the couch instead of coming to the table. IF he had a bad day, it was taken out on me. He spent food and diaper money on cigarettes and refused to let me drive the car. I had to beg for simple privileges like going to the library or to doctor's appointments.

And he was charming, so charming. We'd fight, he would scream and yell and throw things, and then he would turn it off, instantly, and somehow convince me that I was being unreasonable. And I would buy it.

One day, after a fight where he threw my laptop across the room. I quietly texted my mother, and while he was a work, I moved myself and the children out. He was shocked, blindsided, and to this day expects me to come back. I can't talk to him for more than five minutes at a time because he turns on that famous charm and starts to make me think I was wrong, but I know if I go back there will be hell to pay for the embarrassment I caused him.
Domestic Violence
by: VanessaM

My husband is an abuser, both physically and emotionally. He beat me up in front of my kids and calls me names. He does not allow me to talk to anyone. I know what you've went through.
I thought he was serious when he would beg me not to leave
by: Sonya122

I got married at the age of 22 in an arranged marriage. Right from the beginning he was suspicious, controlling and insecure. I always felt that I am in a prison and that there is always a strict surveillance 24/7 there is no room to breathe.

Finally a savior came into my life in the form a counselor, my spiritual advisor and made me aware of my suffering. I did not even know how I was being abused. I thought unless I was beaten up, I was alright. I was abused spiritually, emotionally, financially, sexually, socially, psychologically, and verbally. Until I sought help, I was like a puppet to him.

When I raised my voice against that oppression and abuse he started to fight with me, finding faults with me, and accusing me of all kinds of things. I did not have any affair with the counselor, but since he was helping me, my husband made it appear like it was an affair. Every time I would or we would decide on divorce he would beg me not to leave and that he would behave and would mend his ways. I thought he was serious and worked hard on fixing myself and improving myself in the relationship.

But that was a big lie, a fraud, a huge betrayal. He was just buying time to line up his kids, his finances, society and his job. When he got ready, he made my life hell living in that house. I was so devastated and even lost my job because he collaborated with my boss and got me fired.
I left my house in order to protect my life and sanity. I fled to a monastery and lived there for three years.

My children got me out of the monastery and now I am back in the society and have filed for divorce. Now the lawyers are telling me that I do not have enough evidence against him and cannot allege he abused me. My lawyer, despite my telling him about all the abuses I went through, filed a no fault case. I am frustrated as I have no job, no money, no maintenance give to me so far, and no societal support.
His verbal abuse escalated into physical violence
by: Jeri623

My marriage of 15 years ended 2 years ago. Looking back I can see how his violent temper and abuse escalated. It took a long time so it was difficult to see. When it cumulated in leaving marks on me, I knew it was time to leave.

Three years ago, I started some businesses because I knew I would eventually be alone, raising my kids by myself. I knew that when I finally ended the marriage he would balk at paying anything for his kids.

Everything I thought has proved to be wrong. There is so much that I wish I had done differently when filing for divorce; I am happy to share what I know with anyone who doesn't. While I realize that divorce is different for everyone, the things that I have been through have totally blown me away.

I am appalled that after everything he put me and my kids through I still have to answer to him. Had I been educated more on what would happen, I wouldn't be here or doing this.
Like Boiling a Frog
by: Sue

I've had to put up with the controlling behavior, verbal and physical abuse, infidelity, insanity, and more. My ex changed over the years. Not just a little. He went a little bit nuts. He was diagnosed with a personality disorder, but not until after years of verbal abuse and controlling behavior.

But it was like boiling a frog. It took me a while to realize the water was getting hot, and that I needed to hop out. Then I found out he wasn't exactly faithful, either. Still, I tried to get him professional help. But he wouldn't do it. Finally, he started hurting the kids, so that was the last straw. One nice thing is that I didn't have to kick him out of the house (he wouldn't have gone, anyway), because the police did that for me.
To: Escalating Abuse Was the Final Straw
by: Rachel459

Hello,

I am so sorry for your problems. However, I must applaud your courage. I know this is not an easy road, but you have made the right decision for both you and your daughter. Regardless of the problems which lie ahead on this journey, always remember that you have saved HER from being a victim of abuse, too.

As for your parents, don't be embarrassed for seeking help. All of us in this divorce process need help, and there are many who care about us. I am often surprised by how much so many people care for me. You see, I wasn't valued as a person or as a woman in my marriage. I suppose I forgot how to value myself. Other people are helping me to recognize my worth and my potential. After all, that's why you're here, isn't it? You need support. This is a great place to seek it.

Keep moving forward. Someday, there will be peace and happiness. Someday, you, too, will realize your worth.

I wish you all the best along life's journey.

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