Controlling money freak

by Liz

There were hundreds of reasons for our divorce, but ultimately I couldn't live this way any longer. He controlled all the finances, to the point of him checking every item on receipts if I'd done the weekly shopping. As a result, I very rarely did the shopping because I couldn't stand the moods if I bought something wrong.

He controlled everything and I hadn't realized to what degree, until I finally had enough and told him to leave. I'm 38 and just learning to cook from scratch for my children. Early on in the marriage I gave up cooking, as he criticized constantly because I didn't do things his way! There were only a couple of times where things became physical. It was more the very subtle controlling things that he'd manage to make me feel as if this was normal behavior.

After 11 years of marriage, most very unhappy, I somehow got the strength to finally end it. I just couldn't bear the thought of my children being brought up thinking that 'this is how you’re supposed to live'. My kids love their father and the eldest was devastated to start with. As she slowly starts to see that I am much happier she is learning to deal with it.

He lied to me about money and it wasn't until now that I found out he'd been secretly paying a lump sum into his pension. Why would a husband lie about that? He was not capable of loving me, either. The only time he properly tried to show love towards me was when he wanted to be intimate.

When we met, I thought we both wanted the same things out of life. But either something changed or maybe the point is, he didn't change. He still treated me like I was not of equal value to him and that I have always been second best in this relationship.

These feelings only got worse when we had our first child, as obviously I could no longer work full time. Now my youngest is two and they are both amazing. Luckily I have never lost sight of the goals and plans I had for my children or myself, for that matter.

Don't get me wrong. I do not believe that I am perfect, far from it, but I did my best to save the marriage and try to talk and settle differences. I have also struggled with depression over the years. This can't have been easy for him, but even with that I was told to pull myself together and get on with life.

Even with all the BS that goes on through the initial separation and start of divorce, I already feel free. He doing his very best to get me and kids out of the marital home, as he thinks I don't deserve anything! Even if he succeeds I know that me and the kids will survive and be happier.