Too much Negativity
by Betty M
Thirty years of marriage and never did I think that I would be debating on whether to divorce or not. Every week, there is another problem, the negativity far out-weighs the good times.
As a former flight attendant and model, I became ill with breast cancer, followed by an emergency hysterectomy and also a 3 level spine fusion. I spend most of my time on ice; 6 months of steroid injections caused a 30 pound weight gain and he is turned off.
He tells me this on a regular basis. But, the irony is that pre-illness I was 5'5, 105 pounds and looked like Farrah Fawcett. He had his FIRST affair when I was 25 years old and pregnant with our second son. I am currently dieting and going to the gym for ME, not for HIM but for ME. YES, he has gone from a 32" waist to a 42" waist but let’s not discuss that, apparently its ok for him but not for me.
He is an attorney and opened up his own practice. I gave up my career to work for him as his office manager; attending his trials and so much more. Meanwhile, I never missed one of our sons' baseball or football games. Sick or not, I was and still take an active role in their lives.
My husband talks to both of our sons' about how miserable he is being married to me, a nail in his coffin as I have begged him NOT to bring our sons' into this. They are now 27 and 23 years old; no matter the age, it pains them and is very unfair what he does. I truly believe that there are 3 sides to every story; yours, mine, and then theirs is the truth.
I find that keeping a journal has helped me a lot. When in doubt, I go back to my journal and work on myself but NO longer for him but for MYSELF. I realize every day that life is short and I cannot allow myself to be controlled by him anymore. I accept that I babied him and once I slowed down, our marriage tanked as well.
I wish ALL of you the very best given the misery that we face. Thank God we can work on getting ourselves out of the "rut".