Thrown Away Like Yesterdays Trash

by Sherry
(Black Diamond, AB)

After 32 years of marriage, he just threw me away like yesterday’s trash!

You need to know that this "IS" my true story and what I have to deal with each and every day. What I’m about to say sounds completely unbelievable and I truly wish this was all my imagination but it isn’t.

My husband threw me away after 3 children and 34 years of marriage. He is an accountant and specializes in both tax and matrimonial property agreements. He convinced me to move out of my home and he then immediately moved his old High School girlfriend and her deadbeat family. He hit me below the belt at my most vulnerable time. We as women usually have a gut feeling that something is wrong, which I did have for months before this happened. I kept asking him if everything was OK to which he assured me everything was fine. I’ve been fighting him for the past 5 years to get a fair settlement but he said he will never pay spousal support and I didn’t deserve anything else since he was the one working.

My mother died and six weeks later my daughter got married. Only 9 days after her marriage he informed me he didn't want to be married anymore at which time we separated. 5 months after that, my dad died and 2 1/2 months after that my mother's live-in boyfriend of 45 years also died. That is 3 close family member’s deaths and 1 marriage in an 8 month period. As I mentioned earlier he convinced me it would be in my best interest to move which happened 2 month later. Within 6 months of the move my sweet little dog also died, she couldn’t take the stress of moving and me crying all the time.

I’ve been in therapy for the past 3 years just trying to cope with this nightmare as best I can and am so overwhelmed I don’t know which way to turn. My soon-to-be ex is trying to get his hands on the personal and private notes written by my therapist at each of my therapy sessions. It will cause irreparable damage to me and my children if this occurs. I am standing my ground as long as I can but they are relentless in their quest. Neither my ex or his lawyer are experts in psychology and have no business trying to make interpretations of my very personal and private thoughts. They are being very voyeuristic in asking for this. Here’s the crazy thing, it all has to do with spousal support he does not want to pay. I was married 34 years, had 3 children and was out of the work force since 1977 looking after my family. He is now wondering why I can’t just go out and get a job. I have no job skills other than caring for my family and live in a rural area where there are no prospects.

My lawyers are not helping me at all, they have prepared a consent form for me to sign which will turn these notes over to my ex and his lawyer. I guess that’s because it is the path of least resistance for them. Needless to say, I am not prepared to do that. I believe it’s important for all women who have been in an abusive (be it verbal or physical) marriage to be able to seek help and assistance without the ever present threat of their ex being able to highjack their personal conversations with their therapists. I now find myself in the position of not wanting to seek help at all because it can and might be used against me …… how crazy is that ??????

This is only 1/10th of what I live with every day. Thank you in advance for listening to me, I’m hoping there is someone out there who can give me some advice on where to turn and what to do.