He had another family

by Anonymous

Fasten your seat belt ladies, here comes my story. I was married for 27 1/2 years and have one son who is 25 and married, and a 22 year old daughter who is in college and lives with me. I found out my husband has had a Romanian mistress for 10 years. They have a daughter who is 8 years old and they only live 5 minutes away from where we live.

I went crazy when I found out and I asked him to make a decision; either stay with us or move out. Sure enough, he moved out with them… I forgot to mention his family knew all along and they used to socialize with them on every occasion.

We both hired lawyers to dissolve our marriage and get the financial assets divided fairly, because he was giving me a hard time for my financial share. After being separated for a year and 3 months, the court date was supposed to be in August.

But my husband wanted to reconcile. He wanted to move back with me and make things work the way we planned it long time ago… We have worked so hard to get where we are now, meaning we started to build our assets from -0 to a very comfortably life style.

I agreed to let him to move back in after talking to him on the phone every day. When he moved back, we used to stay up late talking, laughing, and watching movies. We discussed so many different issues and we promised each other we will make our marriage work. Not only we will try, but he said to kill him if he moves out again or does anything stupid.

We agreed on everything, even no physical contact. I told him I needed lots of time to get over this and he said to take as much time as you want, as long I am with you it is all that matters. He also assured me he will do a DNA paternity test on the girl just to make me happy (because I always tell him she doesn't look like him at all and she is probably not his).

Sure enough, I trusted him again with everything he does or says. Not because I am stupid or being forced to or being weak, but because I have a big heart for forgiveness. He told me everything about her and how they met (she was a stripper and was married too, and the same time having an affair with a married man).

I know ladies. You’re asking why did he even go to a strip club in the first place? Well, he was with his so-called best friend repairing his car in that area. The car wasn't ready at the time, so the friend insisted they go to the strip club to kill some time, and the rest is history.

Now after 3 months, he moved back with me and cut all the physical relationship with her, except he still pays her mortgage and child support. One day she called me up and told me that he is still having intercourse with her. He denied it completely and convinced me again that she is lying to me. I believed him until a week ago when she called me again, telling me he is going to sleep at her place for the night (he was already there to see the girl).

I freaked out and I asked him if it was true, if he still has sex with her. His answer was yes. I asked him to come home as soon as possible, but he refused to come home until the girl fell asleep. When he came home that night, I asked him if he still had feeling for her, and his answer was yes. I said that is not what you tell me every time I ask you. He said I think I was trying to hide my feelings for her, although you are more beautiful than her and you are a more respected woman than her, but I have no more physical feeling for you. I was SO crushed when he said that to me, and I answered him “You bastard, I should be the one saying that to you”.

So, after a very long night, we went to sleep as usual in the same room. The next morning I asked him to move out completely and never look back. He said he loves me, and can he do 3 nights with them and 4 nights with me? I laughed so hard and I asked what kind of man are you?

So, I helped him pack his belongings and off he goes to her place. Now his mother wants him to move out from the mistress house and live with her until he works things out with me. Until now, he didn't decide what he wants. I still talk to him on the phone, but my 2 kids are not talking to him at all. They wrote him a letter telling him how they feel about him, and as far as they know he is dead to them.

I contacted my lawyer to precede with the divorce papers. I miss him very much, now I am not sure if I miss him from loneliness or love, soon I will find out and figure it out.

Comments for He had another family

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Same situation
by: Isabel

I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I am in the same situation as you. Today I found out that my husband has another family and a 3 yr. boy. And the worst part is that my 13 year old son knew about because my husband told him. My son even met the kid and my husband told my son not to tell me because he is going to do it at the right time. I feel devastated, in this month we being marry for 15 years. I don't know what to do, I never imagined that it would happen to me. I would have put my hands on the fire for him. My kids are devastated too.

My husband never really left his ex girl friend
by: Anonymous

Just one month ago me and my husband of almost 20 was getting ready to go out of town to see our first live NBA game together. We were planning an overnight stay out of town away from our four kids ages 15, 13, 6 and 3 years old.

A few days before our wonderful trip together I checked the mail which is something my husband usually does. While flipping through the mail I noticed a child support letter addressed to my husband. I ripped the letter open and I see where he was being issued child support as the non-custodial parent of a child whose mother name was one I've known from his past. The mother was his ex-girlfriend who I met over 20 years ago after they supposedly broke up. I dropped from devastation to my knees and cried as if something died inside of me.

When my husband returned home that afternoon and was confronted of this allegation these exact words still haunts me to this very day, '' me and (xxxxxx) have 7 old daughter together''. I just burst into tears wondering how, why, and etc. He said that five years after we got married he ran into his ex in a store and exchanged numbers. He also admitted giving her money to help her with her bills only as a concerned friend. Eight years later of paying her bills, the last $30 dollars ended up with a child. They raised a child secretly for eight years together in a neighborhood ten minutes away from our home.

For weeks I had nightmares and still cry today. He claims they only had sex once. He said he's older now and doesn't want to be with her. He's promised to be honest and faithful to me and that I'm the only woman for him. But I don't understand why she just now filed for child support after eight years. He has admitted to seeing the child every other week. The ex will not return my calls seeing that we know each other. I want to hear her side of the story.

I started my divorce papers but I still somehow want to cling on to my 20 year marriage. I don't want to feel as if these last 20 years was a waste, but these last eight years have been a lie to me. Even his side of the family knew of this child and never mentioned this to me or my kids. I feel betrayed not only by my husband but my so called extended family.

My self-esteem is at an all-time low and knowing that I'm getting ready to let my marriage go really hurts. A marriage that I've spent the last twenty years building. The part that hurts the most is that I'm losing my husband, the father of my children, my friend to this woman. A slut, a woman with seven kids by different fathers, no job, living off of section eight. And I have to admit not only is she ugly on the inside but also very unattractive on the outside. I'm a professional that works in a respectable career field and always put my family needs ahead of mine. I try to live by Gods words.

Just looking for some encouraging advice before making my next move or any other perspective of this situation. Any clues to help me fill in the blanks. I would not wish this situation to occur to my worst enemy but from what I'm reading I'm not alone. In a way it's great to get advice from someone who’s experienced what I'm going through.

Your Strong so Never give up
by: Kevin

I want to start off by saying I'm a man. I'm not even that old, just 20 years old to be exact. Your story actually touched me, it touched a place in me that has always fought for women to be treated with respect. You deserve so much better, you are a gem and you deserve to be treated like one. Men these days are hormone fueled and sexist and disrespectful, there are many of us who have a certain level of decency but they are rare and are hard to find. I cannot say that I am very decent but I try and you WILL find a man who loves you for you and loves every part of you both the physical and non-physical, he will love how strong you are and he will love your very soul and the beautiful heart I see you have. Never ever give up, I'm young but when I find the right woman I hope to treat her with respect so she will never have to feel the way you did when your Husband did those despicable things, stories like this need to be told but I hope you feel supported because you will always be strong and you WILL make it.

Stick to your guns
by: Anonymous

Wow!!! I won't say I feel sorry for you because I sense you are a very strong woman. I will say I hope you kick him to the curb for good and let his family deal with him and his mess and take him for all he is worth. They are all complicit in him hurting you. Find a lot of new things to do to establish your own identity. If you don't want to be alone anymore then you can find a man who will love you and respect you. You are a quality woman who would be a prize for any man. If you want to be alone forever you can still have a fabulous and full life with the family you raised and the friends you love and respect. Stop talking to him!!!! He has said he doesn't want you physically...that is called rejecting a part of you. If he loved you he would love all of you...not just dwell in his indecision to have his cake and eat it too. You are the winner--whether you have him or (please God) not. Consider him yesterday's news and start writing new chapters with the life you have left. He does not deserve one more moment of your time and consideration. Good luck to you.

Moving forward
by: Anonymous

Oh my God, it’s unbelievable. You made a good comment that stuck out in my mind.....What kind of man are you? You are so right. This is not a man. A real man wouldn't have gone to a strip club, even if his friend was pushing him to go. A real man would stick by his wife and kids.
I am going through a big mess too. I know for me, my heart just stops when I think about my ex with the other woman, or she thinks she is getting to me when she texts me nasty messages. I hope this feeling dwindles away sometime soon. As far as I am concerned, she has won nothing. They are 2 peas in a pod. All I know is that my kids see me as a strong person and moving forward and taking care of myself...that is the most important thing. It’s time to take care of you. My one good friend gave me some advice after she went through a huge mess too.....she said don't think of being alone, think of yourself as being free.

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