Child Custody and Visitation SchedulesOne of the biggest conflicts in a divorce case is child custody and visitation. With joint custody, the child usually resides with just one parent, while both parents are informed and make decisions in a child’s life. With sole custody, the parent with whom the child lives makes all the decisions, but the other parent may still have visitation rights. The Mothers Child Custody Handbook is a handy reference which focuses on the rights each mother and child has under certain laws, situations, and circumstances, and how child custody will typically be decided by the court or through out-of-court negotiation and settlement. It is best to try to agree on custody without going to court. Unfortunately, a ploy some men use is to threaten to sue for child custody, knowing that this is a woman’s weak spot, and that by attacking it, she may give up everything just to keep the kids. Past parenting should indicate if he is seriously considering trying to raise the children himself. If you feel that it is in the best interest of the children to stay with you, then don't budge. Just realize that child custody litigation is expensive and will eat up your assets. Worst of all it puts your children in the middle of your divorce proceedings, a place they don’t need to be. If you are battling for custody, you need sound strategy for your case. Consider reading " The Child Custody Book: How to Protect Your Children and Win Your Case." This book fully, clearly, and concisely explains the process of court custody litigation. It shows how child custody decisions are made, what can be expected at each stage of the process, and how parents can insure that their abilities are clearly presented to persons with influence over the child custody decision. It is intended to eliminate surprises that could lead to costly mistakes along the way. Once child custody is determined, a visitation schedule can be worked out. Remember that children respond best to a routine that they can rely on. While the standard is every other week-end and alternating holidays, you need to take your child’s age and development into consideration. Here are some general suggestion for visitation:
Even though custody arrangements may keep your children from seeing their Dad on a regular basis, let them know that they can keep in touch by calling or writing. Try not to let your hard feelings towards your ex get in the way of their relationship with their father. When they do visit their Dad, don't be surprised if they act up after getting
back to your house. You might take it as a sign that there's a problem,
but generally, it's just your child's way of adjusting between environments. Give them a little space, and talk to them if they are open to it.
If they do want to talk, let them lead the discussion, but don't turn it into an
interrogation about your ex (you really don't need to know if he is seeing
someone, or how much money he is blowing).
©Tracy Achen 2001
For more ideas on custody arrangements, check out Custody Alternative Schedules, by Robert Emory, a pre-eminent divorce mediator, psychologist and family researcher, and child custody and parenting educator and author. For more information on children’s behavior, see the articles on.... Home / Other Articles / Divorce Guide / State Resources Divorce Books / Store / Survey / Contact / Chat / Links / Newsletter
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