Lying and porn addiction

by A
(WA)

Porn addiction and the associated lying and secrecy were the main reason for our divorce.

There was also passive aggressive behavior, including withholding sex and affection when I didn't do what he wanted.

Comments for Lying and porn addiction

Post reply

Hey, They Get So Good at Lying
by: Anonymous

I'm the world's slowest procrastinator, because I've stayed in this pitiful marriage for 43 years! He has blamed me, and has ruined our marriage by using porn, abusing pain pills, and drinking. But his lies and passive aggression have made it impossible to be intimate in any manner. He won't even give me quality time together, which is my main Love Language! No, he'll never, ever change!

But guess who will? Me! Yes, at age 62 I'm walking away from a sicko with whom I had 2 kids! They're not able to launch and don't see how his addictions have affected me and them. My adult son sees nothing wrong with porn, and like dad, like son! I'm excited about my life now! I will be fine, I just lost so much precious time with that man! He is sick, but now I'm free of his lies!!!! I feel like a human being again, in just a few weeks after I left! Do not wait, ladies! You are worth much more!

Separated Because of Porn
by: Anonymous

I was married to my husband for 5 years, and with him for 10. I really have no problem with porn in general, but shortly after I got married I realized my husband's porn use was a little different than your average guy’s. For one, he was paying for it when there are a million free sites out there. I caught these charges several times throughout our marriage and found out what he was actually paying for was to video chat with someone. I felt betrayed, even a little cheated on, because our sex life was lack luster and he must have been more intimate with these women than he was capable of being with me. The last time I caught him before I chose to separate, he went through extra measures to deceive me and purchased a gift card at the store to cover what he was paying for. When I asked what the charge was, he lied about it. Finally, after two months of trying to figure out the secret, he came clean and I left. I'm heartbroken at the loss of my marriage and my husband and the life that could have been, but it wasn't fair to me to be with someone who was willing to lie to me, deceive me, and never put me first.

Why me
by: Anonymous

I’ve been married for 28 years. The very first time I caught my husband masturbating to porn ...it felt like the female was right there in our home having sex with him....I never confronted him. As the years passed, he would get up in the middle of the night just to be on these sorry sites online. Well I can go on and on, but over the years he watches porn every day and night until he goes to bed. I caught him so many times with his little medicine cups full of KY jelly so he can be unfaithful to some bit*h online. He’s a good provider and a good person and grandpa, but his porn addiction is taking away my husband and broken our vows. I feel so alone as if I don’t even exist. There is no affection (I have to make him hug me) and almost no sex (every 6 months). I know he’s not going to stop using porn.

This is not my life...I love life to the fullest...always putting God first and have prayed on it...I know in my heart and soul he’s not going to stop. I want out, but I do love him and really feel sorry for him because this is a sickness....but I’m exhausted and getting older and I have needs as a mature women of 51 years old. I am really nervous about starting over...should I discuss this with his mom before I leave him? I feel she really needs to know about her son. Why are there so many women going through this...what’s really going on?

Divorce is imminent
by: Anonymous

All the comments I've read give me zero hope of "fixing" his addiction. I've amped up the romance, the foreplay, the sexting, and for what? He's now using Pinterest and celebrity leaked photos. I even found about 30 pics of yoga pants butt shots! Is this his attempt at trying not to watch porn? I'm currently with him because I could not bear the thought of my nearly 14 year old daughter being destroyed by her father's porn addiction. I'm not sure I can do it though. For being a strong person... I sure feel weak.

Addicted from a young age
by: Anonymous

He started porn use at 15 when the internet was still dial up.

Within 3 months of marriage he started watching it whenever I was out of the house. And he wouldn't go on weekend hiking or canoe trips with me just so he could stay home and use.

He used to make me earn sex by giving him a bj every single time and it didn't bother him if we didn't have sex. So we just didn't very often because it was always all about him.

One evening he was drinking with his cousin and said he gets off better to porn. I should have left him right then and saved myself 4 more years of misery. Not only did I do all the work during sex, but he prefers porn anyway.

We separated twice over the next 7 years, and I found out he'd slept with over 18 women during our separations.

When our second daughter was born he didn't hold her. He was in the hospital for 10 minutes after she was born and told me he had to get ready for work. Later his computer was unlocked and I found out he left the hospital to go home and was Googling "live naked chat"

I also found out he'd been flirting with random friends on Facebook and going for coffee with women he'd been with in the past... while I was 7 months pregnant with our second child.

Porn is the reason I lost a husband, my husband lost a family, and my children lost a dad. He became addicted young and it destroyed everything he could have had.

I'm sick of reading people say, well, surely porn was just a symptom and it can't really be the cause of hundreds of thousands of divorces every year. If the woman says it caused her divorce because it made the relationship unsatisfying, then that's what caused the divorce.

I think she can decide for herself what is making the relationship unbearable.

The Rabbit Hole
by: Lisa S

My husband was never honest with me about his porn addiction. The subject came up when we were dating. Simply put, it was something he said he had been exposed to when he was younger. Wrong. He had been heavily involved for 25 years. He was very good at keeping his secret until escalation took him to places that will change his life forever. I begged him to get help. Threatened divorce. He lost a job he loved. He refused to get help until the day he was released for jail. He has plead guilty to two counts of child porn possession. He will be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life. The moral of this story, if your partner is unwilling to get help, this problem only escalates. Take care of yourself. We are now divorced. He is getting help. Wishes he could take everything back. This problem left unattended does not have a happy ending.

He relapsed AGAIN
by: Anonymous

Because of his porn addiction I felt I lost myself, I lost hope and belief in good in the world.

Don't know what to do.
by: G

My husband of 12 years always watches porn. He has made so many promises and even swore on our Child’s life that he would never do it again. Then I found his phone and saw he had deleted his internet history and I knew he had been watching it again. He had the nerve to call me a lie and deny it until the next morning when he admitted it to me. I've really had enough this time and don't think I can ever forgive him again. I am nearly 12 weeks pregnant and feel vulnerable already. My last pregnancy was so stressful and I'm so scared I might have problems again with this pregnancy. I feel sick that he could do this to me again and especially while I'm pregnant. I feel so unattractive and have lost all my confidence because of him. I do love him but I don't know whether I could ever let him touch me again or whether I could ever forgive him. I don't know what to do.

He prefers porn over me.
by: Victoria

Hi. I strongly believe my husband of seven months is addicted to porn. I knew he watched before we met and while we were dating. He says he ONLY watches it like twice a week. I recently grabbed his phone to google something (while he was sitting next to me), and when I opened up his browser there was like 6 porn sites open. I said I thought he was obsessed with porn but he vehemently denies it and turns it back on me calling me a weirdo and saying I'm paranoid. The only reason it really bothers me is because he does it, then lies about it or tries to cover it up, and because he never seems to want to be intimate with me. He does have sex with me but I believe it's only because he feels obligated to because he knows how physical touch and intimacy are my number one love language. I believe he would just rather watch the porn. There are many precipitating factors that lead me to believe he's addicted- just too many to spell out here. Am I just paranoid? Any advice/help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

Divorcing a porn addict
by: Anonymous

I am currently separated from my husband who I married only on July 25 of this year. Stupid me; I had left him before because of his addiction, but he did not keep his word about not viewing it. Never, ever think someone will change because they never do! You cannot live a life of watching them and checking all the time.

Help!! What do I do.
by: Anonymous

We have 2 kids and married for 9 years now. We rarely have sex and sometimes he turns me down… If I turn him down he would get angry and leave the room. Generally speaking in front of the kids he is fine and loving. We were in counselling for the lack of intimacy and for his seasonal depression he goes though each year which left me feeling alone in my marriage… I went to personal therapy as well in which the man told me based on his behavior it wouldn't surprise him if he had an addiction to porn…. so I added a program to see what he is looking on line and found that almost every DAY/Night he will spend about 5 minutes looking at porn. How do I approach him on this without him finding out how I know???? Is there any hope for this marriage? I want to be wanted, I want intimacy and love…. worst thing about this is that I found an attraction to someone else and an affair has happened… Please give me some advice!!!!

It never ends
by: Anonymous

I was married for almost 15 years. After infidelity and a decade plus of being told his porn addiction was my fault I gave the ultimatum. He chose porn over me and his 4 kids.
I was always faithful to him, but now he is spreading lies that I cheated. He lied to the cops and got me arrested. He lied to my bosses and tried to get me fired and attempted to make me lose my accreditations.
I still have to share my kids with him since the court won't let me talk about the marriage prior the original divorce 5 years ago. I was too scared and ashamed then. The last year of our marriage became physically abusive, but I lied for him so he could keep his job. I was on crutches for a year. I never called the cops and I never told the medical people the truth because he worked at that hospital.
I'm stuck. I can't date because he lies to the court and my family about every guy who sticks around more than 6 months. I can't leave town, and have my kids too, because he put it in the divorce that the kids have to attend the local schools.
I'm screwed for the next 12 years. Ladies tell the truth and get all you can the first time. Don't leave him any ties to you, if you can!!!

Lied to and Deceived
by: Anonymous

I have just separated from my husband of three years and we will be divorcing. He was the love of my life but after being married 1 1/2 years, I discovered he was addicted to porn. We never had a normal sex life...he was always rough and distant. Now I realize why.

I have stayed with him for over a year after the discovery, hoping that he would get help. Three weeks ago I discovered him watching perverted violent videos and I decided at that moment that I could not stay in the house one more moment. I sold everything when I married him and moved into his house, so I am starting over again at 58 years of age. I cannot financially afford to be here at this stage of my life but I refuse to live with someone who disrespects me and refuses to get help. He is in complete denial.

He is going to end up a very sad, lonely old man and it is painful as we had a very good marriage otherwise.

SEVEN MONTHS LATER
by: Anonymous

Seven (7) months ago I posted my comments and let me tell you I had forgotten how miserable I was! Seeing in print makes me feel FANTASTIC because I made the right decision. I was able to move out and get my own place. Furniture and financial stress is NOTHING to the HORRIBLE existence of being without a porn-addicted, passive/aggressive jerk!

Thank you for posting my comment! Hindsight is 20/20

Mine was addicted!
by: Anonymous

I am still married. We have 2 kids and I’m currently pregnant. He is on the internet constantly… downloading pornographic/sexy images of animation girls. Watches anime movies constantly, some are pretty risqué. I asked him to stop right away. He said no, I found out I was pregnant and he doesn’t care if I stay or go. He won’t stop. He lies about the smallest things and won’t go to counseling to help. He purchased a 6' tall anime girl figures, one comes with 4 sets of interchangeable boob sizes. ... It’s sickening. We have been married 6 years and together for 7. I’ve had to deal with his internet obsession or "other women" for all this time. It’s like a slap in the face. He finds nothing wrong with it. I come from a strong Christian background. To me it’s unacceptable. We are separated now, but it’s only been a few days. It kills me inside to know I mean nothing to him… He chose this crap over me and my 2 soon to be 3 kiddos. My heart bleeds…

Lies, porn addiction and in laws from hell
by: Anonymous

One month after our honeymoon, I discovered he had a severe addiction to porn. In addition, I discovered he was a paying member of adult swingers’ site! He'd prefer to masturbate to porn than make love to his real life wife!! I was devastated, betrayed and humiliated. He was doing God knows what cybersex whilst I drifted off to sleep. His mother and twin sister were a nightmare. They were bossy, controlling, and demanding. He would always take their side and not make me a priority. I put him up in the home I had prior to marriage and he lived there rent free and mortgage free whilst he continued to support his mother’s mortgage. They had a joint property, business relationship he said. Queen mother in law did not work, but lived off her husband, son and me! I got pregnant and lost the baby. His twin sister was pregnant at the same time. She shoved her pregnant belly in her brother’s face and exclaimed look the baby kicking! Husband said I was jealous of his sister! Outrageous or what!!!

Ditto
by: Anonymous

Do you think the men we have been involved with are confused and yet have a more male side and were raised in environments that didn't allow their female side (say decorating) to live? I wonder since the person I am divorcing spent excessive amounts of money to make sure he had the biggest and “best” toys, yet freaked when I wanted a new dining room set.

I share the same story as the rest of you and could kick it up a few notches.

Get a good therapist and don't look back no matter your age or IQ :)

No way You Can Beat My Story
by: Anonymous

I lost any desire to spend my life with the man I thought was the dream of my life. Less than a month after we married, I accidently found the CD where the woman was giving him "head" for about 15 minutes. All the feelings and hopes were ruined in a matter of seconds. Later he told it was his ex-girlfriend (who was also his first love). But does it really matter when the picture of my husband and some B-TCH blowing him froze in my memory for 6 years? In all together, he is porno-addict and loves to masturbate while I am sleeping, pretending not to see what he does. I wish I could save a video of him in action to show in front of the court when he calls me unfit mother for the child I love more than anything in life.

Addiction/Abuse
by: Anonymous

This is so common now that I believe it is some sort of disorder that needs a name. These men are a combination of: manic/depressive, bi-polar and often bi-sexual. I thought I was 1 in a million until I started searching the web and found so many similar stories on various support group sites. I wish you the best with your decision.

Passive/Aggressive
by: Anonymous

WOW! After 2 weeks of being married I brought up his porn addiction. We were having no sex because he'd rather get off on porn. After several disagreements or concerns I brought to his attention he would put up the wall, sleep on couch, and not eat the food I served. Finally, he would get over his tantrum and blame everything on me. Talk about being Passive/Aggressive! Makes me crazy! This went on for four months and several of these sulking tantrums and being blamed for everything in the relationship.

Last night he went way below the belt and was verbally abusive. I am in a financial bind and it is going to be very difficult to get on my feet. I wish I could stay until I could save some money to get on my feet. However, if I went home I would be condoning his behavior! I sold all my furniture and moved into his place. He also told me that his health was failing and that he wasn't going to be able to have sex. I don't believe this! He would rather masturbate and watch porn then be in reality.

Post reply

Share Your Reasons For Divorce.