My husband is having a baby with his mistress.

by Cynthia
(Contra Costa County)

My husband has been having an affair with a woman for about 2 years. I decided to stick it out with him because I felt he was going through a mid-life crisis. I took the infidelity but the baby is more than I can take. We have been married for 25 years and have been together for 30. I just don't see how our marriage will work.

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@ Georgia Peach
by: Are You Kidding

Mrs. Peach, so you divorced your husband, so that he could marry another chick (allegedly so she would NOT be deported, which you know is a crime that you just admitted to). But then you find out that he does really have feeling for this 'wife on paper', and they are intimate with each other, and she get pregnant. Now, she is his wife and if they have a child out of that married union, there is nothing wrong with that. However, what is wrong is you complaining about it. Girl 'bye' with that BS. You are the fool in all of this. He clearly wanted the relationship with you and him to be over, he did ask for a divorce. That is a clear sign of his intentions. I don't care what excuse he gave; he asked for a divorce, that's all that needs to be said. Move on, and let this go. Hanging on is only going to make things matter worse you. Even if he only wanted to have fun with the lady and then come back to you, it doesn't make it right. He still in his heart wanted to be with someone else. When that happens once it will happen all the time. To spend the rest of your life sharing your husband or partner anytime that they feel, doesn't seem like something a grown woman would what to invest her life on. Why do you think that 'you' are not worth loving ‘you’? Forget someone else loving you, shouldn't you love you first?

Bad blood or Brother's keeper?
by: Anonymous

My younger brother is married with 2 children. He has a mistress who becomes pregnant with his child. His wife receives a phone call from the mistress's mother and tells the wife to tell my brother get to hospital delivery room. He and I go watch delivery. His wife wants a divorce and we go to the house so he can pack. After packing, my brother and soon to ex-sister-in-law are saying good-bye in the driveway. I am thinking "is there any way to stop this from happening?" As a last ditch effort to keep them together for their kids’ sake what harm can be done if I interrupt the goodbyes and claim that the new baby is mine not his, that the phone call was meant for me and not my brother? If the lie keeps them together, what will happen between me and my brother and his wife?

@ On the same Boat
by: Anonymous

Girl, get yourself... your life... your self-esteem... You already know the answer. Do you want a baby so he can leave you? Let him go and life will be much better for you. You can only make yourself unhappy and happy.

On the same boat
by: Anonymous

I guess we all come to group chats like these to be able to vent. I've been married 11 years and about a year ago I found out my husband was cheating on me with his high school sweetheart for over a year. Everyone says "there are signs" when something is wrong. Yet I was too busy working so much to help his family and his business. He left me and with no money. I had to start from the bottom. Then few months passed and we somehow ended up together again. But I feel is because his mistress already has children from different fathers and all he wants is to have a baby with me, then probably throw me out the curb again. It could be my imagination or a gut feeling to just walk out.... yet I hold back because I really want a baby and since I'm in my mid-thirties and with all those immature men out there I feel by the time I have someone else I may not be able to conceive. :( I really don't understand what men want. You have a good wife and just don't like to settle. I don't want to be bitter, but after the affair I just don't feel the same. I'm exhausted emotionally and been having good days and bad days. :(

I was his mistress without knowing
by: Vie

The father of my child was a co-worker. I got involved with him not knowing he was a married man. He told me he wanted a child and got me pregnant and we literally got pregnant by the book. He met my family with the promise of marrying me and I waited for him to introduce me as well.

5 months into my pregnancy he started bringing up abortion, saying we rushed it and need some time to ourselves. I refused to go through with it since it had been a struggle to get pregnant in the 1st place (plus I was 30). Long story short, he sent me to my parents to give birth. He wasn't involved in any way and it was a war to get money from him for the baby's needs.

That's when I started digging and found out about his wife of 8 years and their child (who is 3 months younger than mine). I was shocked, hurt, and extremely pained. He did not even give me the option to choose whether I wanted to be his mistress and become a single mother. I am bitter. His wife has no idea but I'm left to Mother his daughter on my own. I seems like he just came into my life to ruin me.

Sometimes it's not the other woman at fault; she was lied to in ways you can't imagine, her life is in total ruin and the child's too. I do not however support women who knowingly get involved with a married man (that there is downright wrong). I love my daughter to bits but it’s sad she will grow up without a father. I don't want him to be part of our lives because he is poison and I HATE him with all my heart. Sometimes I want to tell his wife but I won't. Secrets always have a way of coming out and he will be exposed but not by me. I’m definitely not his last.

Having a GF and a wife is not okay.
by: Anonymous

Some of these posts are disturbing to read.

Personally I think these men selfish jerks; wanting to keep their wife and girlfriend/mistress. Don't hand me some BS about loving them both. You can make 1000 excuses, you're still a cheat and liar.

Did you think of your wife or children (if you have them) before you decided to hop into bed with someone else? Did you think of the example you are setting for your children? How this might feel to them? I doubt it...

It's a cowardly and selfish thing to do to someone you say you "love". It shows you have zero respect for yourself and your "marriage".


He cheated and now she's pregnant
by: Anonymous ew

I have been married 9 years my husband was the best thing that's happened to me. Well two weeks ago I found out he cheated on me and this woman is now expecting his first child. His first boy. We decided to make it work but I don't know how I feel. One day I wake up I'm happy next day I want a kill him. She knew he was married now they have been dealing with each other for 4 years non stop.

On top of that he moved her closer to where we live. Crazy right. I'm so stuck for words and numbed I have been trying to conceive for 7 years and he goes and gets this girl pregnant. Sometimes I think isn’t even worth me trying to make this work.

She popped up when our marriage was on the Rocks
by: Hurt and torn

I’ve been married 25yrs with 2 sons and we’ve had major issues in our marriage. We were going thru a rough time because he had been emotionally and financially abusive.

In March his so called daughter was giving birth to his grandchild....that’s when it exploded in my face that all those years I never knew he had a daughter. I was told it’s not mine and not my grandchild, but he threw her in my sons face without any concern over the fact that they needed to absorb the fact of a sister.

I was hurt. She’s 25yrs old and his parents are all ways with her and alienating me and my sons...I’ve repeatedly ask for a DNA test. He refuses and his parents say if it comes back negative that they are still going to treat her like family...I’m clueless of what to do and seriously need help. The daughter used his parents to help drive a wedge. WHAT CAN I DO TO SEE IF SHE’S REALLY HIS?

Re: Husband threatened to leave...
by: Anonymous

Admittedly this must feel terrible, but you have only two choices: to leave, or to accept that your husband will see other women. You can't question another person's conclusion that he's not emotionally fulfilled, any more than another person could question your conclusion that you are devastated. Human emotions are as they are.

Now, if he will gain the right to see others, so should you. Also, it goes without saying that any extra-marital relations should be conducted out of view of the children, who are too young to understand all of this. (I suppose though, that in a divorce they would have to understand, as they would probably stay part-time with their father and his girlfriend.)

One worthwhile option is relationship counseling. If he's not willing, or if he doesn't participate sincerely, you could also seek support from an individual counselor. Look for a certified Marriage and Family Therapist, or the equivalent in your state.

Good luck, and my thoughts are with you and your family.

Husband threatened to leave me if I don’t allow him to have a mistress
by: b

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years, married 2 years. We have 2 boys, 6 and 10 years old. He recently said that he would leave me as he is not emotionally fulfilled in our Marriage. He would leave if I don't allow him to have a mistress.

Shocking, I know right?

I love him to death as he was my first love. I am only 30 years old, he is 43 years. This is however his second marriage. I discovered recently that he's been in contact with old school girlfriends / friends. The contact between this is very sexual and intense.

He tells me that he loves me, but how can you say you love someone and do this to them? He firmly believes he would be a better husband, father if he is "free". The whole idea of him having a mistress makes me sick. This is not the example I want of a man for my 2 boys.

Please help me...I don't know what to do/think/ or say. I am broken.

Pregnant and Alone
by: Anonymous

I was in a relationship with someone for 15 years. We didn't live together because we have kids and both of us were burned from previous marriages and decided that after our kids were off to college we would see where we stood. We have always spoken on the phone, seen each other or texted each other in all the 15 years. Until recently.

I found out he had a "roommate" and it turned out that he married her a month ago. When I found out a week and a half after they were married (mind you I still was seeing him nightly) and he denied he got married at first. Then finally admitted it. Told me he hated her, it was a mistake that he wishes he could not be married and it was me he realized he was in love with.

Meanwhile, when I found out he got married, I was already 9 weeks pregnant. Yes, he did know. And he married her anyway. Since then he wanted to keep being with me and I finally couldn't stand the thought of being his mistress and I told the wife about us. Now he hates me, never wants to speak to me again, has called me from his wife’s phone to make sure I know he will never come back.

I feel horrible that I ended up the bad guy in this situation. She wants to make a go of their marriage because they have too much invested in their lives together. And they both have told me that they want nothing to do with this child. All alone and trying to move on. Hope it’s the right thing to do.

Please Read! My husband is having a baby with his mistress & More
by: Georgia Peach

I met my husband the week after high school and we have been together ever since. He was my first real boyfriend. He is the only man I have ever been with. Got married at 20 and I trusted him with my life. We have NO KIDS. We have been trying but nothing, Did IVF and it failed 2 times 4 years ago (14 years into our marriage). He started hanging out with friends I did not know and didn’t want me to hang out with them. His patterns changed where he would come home later than before, always going out with the boys. I complained, but didn’t stop him because I trusted him and figured he was with the boys. It changed to him hanging out at one of the friend’s house a lot. I complained and he complained back, saying the boys are watching movies, playing cards, etc., so I left it alone.

I later found out that this friend had a sister with 3 kids, who lived with him and the mother. I confronted that situation and he said she is just like a little cousin. I had nothing to worry about with him visiting their house, they know he is married. Two years ago the sister was getting deported back to her country and he asked me for a favor to divorce him (only on paper, so he could marry her to stay in the country). He swore to me nothing was going on, he just wanted to help the family. So I believed him and we did an uncontested divorce so that she would not get deported.

Last year in November I found out that he has been cheating on me with the girl who is like a little cousin for 3 years. She is madly in love with him and has plastered pics of them all over FB. I was devastated and thought about leaving. He swore how he loves me and it was just sex with her, no love. We went to counseling and decided to try to make it work.

In April of this year, I felt like something was still going on, so I put a tape recorder in his car and heard conversations between them. He lied and twisted as much as he could. Then a month later he fessed up that he has still been having an affair with her and now he got her pregnant. So now she is having his baby and they are legally married on paper. She is having his first child and it’s a boy! We have no children together.

I’m ANGRY & HURT. He doesn’t want to go live with her. He is still living in our house with me. We are in separate rooms and not having sex. He says as soon as she gets the green card he wants to divorce her and remarry me as planned. I want to leave, but it’s hard because I love him and am struggling. He keeps telling me that he loves me and is sorry. I feel like I can’t trust him ever again because of the lies, betrayal, and cheating with the same person for 4 years. Now they are going to have a child. PLEASE HELP!!!!

hoping the best
by: lovemoon

Hoping the best for you all.

by: Miss Tj

You need to wipe your face and move on... None of this is new. YOUR HUSBAND was a cheat before you said, I do, and will continue to be a cheat. You will never change him. He will change for himself. Maybe you are not the woman for him... maybe he is not the man for you. Women, we need to be with our equally yolk partner... not with the man who ask us to marry him... not with our long term partner... not with him because of the kids... not with him because he has a lot of money. We need to love ourselves. Stop lying to ourselves. AND get ourselves.

So lost
by: Anonymous

My husband and I have been married for 9 months. We were together for 8 years and I’ve lived with him and taken care of his children for four years. He has custody of them since their mother was a drug addict. I knew we were having a hard time with him working so much and me being a stay at home mom.

Well he went out a couple months ago with some friends and the next thing you know he stops coming home every night. He always came home! He was cheating on me and today he told me she's pregnant! I was so upset but all I did was cry. He had been texting and calling saying he missed me and loved me. He said he wants to come home but now is confused about his responsibility for this kid. (Who knows if it's his?) We had sex today and a couple times before I found this out too! I don't know if he’s trying to get the best of both worlds or if he'll just come home! He kissed me goodbye tonight and said he'd be back in the morning. I'm so lost. I’m praying to God he has a big long conversation with her and they part ways. I had been praying for his return for 2 months. When my husband left he jokingly told me to kiss his ring (was our inside joke before) and it was never coming off! I still feel sick to my stomach that he got this lady pregnant. He had been telling me to wait until we had a better income. I just hate that all the other ladies get kids with him

l am having a child with a married man
by: Anonymous

I have been dating this guy for 8 years and found out he is married when l was 2 weeks pregnant. It was never my wish to date a married man. But now l am so hurt and attached to him it’s not easy to let go.

Been there
by: Anonymous

I was married for 24 years. Found out that my now ex husband was having an affair for 8 years with the woman who worked for him. And that they had a daughter. He lied about it to everyone, including his family and my sons. He denied in his deposition that the child was his. As soon as the divorce was final, he started telling everyone that he had a seven year old daughter. He and his "mistress" are still together. She must enjoy his lies.

Me, my best revenge is to lead a beautiful life, free from nonsense, drama, and most of all, a deceitful liar.

There is life after horrible occurrences like this. You just have to dig deep into yourself. I am living proof.

Mistress aren't at fault every time
by: Anonymous

I met my bf at work and he would send his daughter money overseas every week. According to him, he wasn't with her mom. We started dating and a couple of weeks later he asked me to move in since I still lived with my parents. We were fine for 2 yrs. when OUT OF NO WHERE she ends up coming to the states. He swore he was just going to help her get settled since it was just the two of them (his daughter and her mom) and they didn't know English and blah, blah. Dumb of me I feel for it and I stayed with him.

The next thing you know he moved out. That was when I should have cut ALL ties, but I didn’t. He swore and swore he wanted to be with me, but yet a couple of months later she gets pregnant. I left. Once again his lies bought me back. Last year I find out I was pregnant and I decided to keep him, but we broke up and I moved to another state. Right before I had my son I found out she was pregnant also and only weeks away from me. He still begged and begged and we "tried" to work it out for my son as a long distance relationship even though his wife was there. If I had known he was married to begin with, I would have never gotten involved with him at all!! But I found out to late and by then it was too hard to leave.

I wish the first time I would have left and I wouldn't have been going thru this. Mistress are not always at fault. I've always seen it as he was the one married this whole time. I was single so the only one at fault here is him. Almost 9 yrs. later we have a 17 month old baby. He has met his brothers and sisters, but I wish I wasn't in this situation, especially putting kids in this situation when there is no reason for them to hurt. When men are liars they will lie to get anything they want.

# The Other Woman
by: Anonymous

You weren't too young to have sex with a married man. You weren't too young to have unprotected sex. You aren't too young to go it alone. Did it ever dawn on you that if a man is CHEATING on his wife that he is a liar and he wasn't telling you the truth about anything???? Lesson learned and sad that your child has to pay the price for you having an affair with a married man.

My husband is having a child with his mistress
by: from S.A :/

I know it's hard to accept it but I have to for the sake of the child that doesn't know a thing. It hurts me because my child and the mistress’ child are just a few weeks apart. It’s not easy for me, but I love my husband even though he betrayed me and had sex with his "friend" the mistress. She tried to separate us by trapping him with a child, but he has chosen to stay with me . . . Apparently before getting married he knew that the mistress was pregnant, then he went on with our marriage and that made the mistress more bitter. But I'm confused; why he chose me and not his mistress and why he doesn't want to see her anymore? What if he does that to me? His decision doesn't make me superior. Please advise!

Question For Dr Zivago Wannabe
by: Anonymous

Do you need a wheel barrel to carry all that BS around or do you just sling a sack over your shoulder?

Re: doctor z[h]ivago
by: Anonymous

If I stopped being sexually and emotionally available to my wife (as she did, to me), then I couldn't blame her for starting another relationship. You need to read my earlier posts, which explain why I sought the love and companionship of a girlfriend in the first place.

by: Anonymous

@ Two Sides...You know about your wife and your adulterer loving girlfriend....Your adulterer loving girlfriend knows about you and your wife....Notice anything missing here? How sad that these children have a POS for a sperm donor.

help me
by: cancan

My husband of a year had an affair and is now fathering triplets with his much older mistress. We had been together 7 years, but been friends for ten. He decided that he wanted to separate and handle the situation with the kids and baby mama on his own because he did not want me to have to go through that. He says he doesn’t want to be separated from me, but he has to so that I can heal then decide if I want to be a part of that life. He also told me to get a taste of the single life and work on myself so I can be prepared for step mother hood when I’m ready. I’m only 24. He says it’s not that he doesn’t want to be with me or love me, but it’s the right thing to do. I found out that I cannot have kids, so he says it hurts him even more for me to stay with him because of what he’s done. I’m upset because he took the option to decide away from me by separating from me without my opinion. He says it’s the right thing, not what he wants, but it’s what needs to be done. I feel abandoned by my husband, this can’t be love. I was willing to try to make it work despite everything because I can’t have kids and they would have been almost like mine. But he says I would have more pain than joy. I’ve been in heartbreak over a month now. What should I say to him… or not say to him. What should I do or not do? Should I believe him and be separated for more than a year? Should I just walk away? Someone help because he’s not hearing myside. He says I only want to stay because of love and sometimes love doesn’t mean you should stay, especially after his betrayal. But shouldn’t that have been my choice... not his? Can he actually be doing this because he really does love me enough to want me to be "happy"?

Unmarried Woman
by: Anonymous

To all of you who choose to stay with a man who cheats and lies... it is time to wake up. He will not change. Appreciate yourself. Love yourself. Don't divorce him with the intention on taking everything from him. Build your life. Just because he was the one you married, doesn't mean that is who you are supposed to be with. Sometimes we as humans marry for the wrong reasons and we think Love will come later. Trust me... it will not. So Love yourself, because when you do, you will find true love. Remember, Love is Patient, Love is Kind, and Love never fails. So if your husband had a child outside of your marriage, this was not the beginning... This was the wakeup call for you to move on. Sometimes bigger things happen because we choose to ignore the smaller things. It's not the end of the world so don't beat yourself or the other person up. We all play our parts.

Lose / Lose Situation
by: The other woman

Being young and dumb, I entered into a sexual relationship with a married man. I was 24yrs old at the time and figured he was going to cheat, if not with me then with someone else, so I continued to see him as I pleased. I was not looking for a relationship and had just broken from a past relationship. I sought out happiness and peace in the moments we were together. I knew I never wanted anything more and eventually wanted to find a relationship with someone that meant more. He always told me how his marriage was dead and they never slept with each other. He told me he had a vasectomy only to find out a year later that I was pregnant. I deal with the consequences of my actions now. I'm embarrassed, ashamed and currently raising our child alone.

He tells me he has told his wife but for so many reasons I don't believe him. He refuses to do a lot for my daughter because he's married, but I think it has more to do with the fact he's hiding my daughter from his wife. After spend 3 day in the hospital alone with my daughter after she fell ill, I'm sitting outside of his wife's job wondering if I should say something or not! I don't want him anymore. I just want my daughter to have a father and I'm just hoping somehow she'll eventually come around and be his voice of reason. I'm only 25 and he 55 I'm too young to do this alone! I'm very sorry for everyone involved because everyone ends up hurt.

He got a woman pregnant while we were separated
by: Anonymous

Think I need to wake up. While we were separated, he cheated on me. Now my husband is about to have another baby real soon by the same woman he once cheated on me with. On top of that, he is dealing with a lot of other women. Guess I’m stupid for believing anything he says.

Messy Situation
by: Anonymous

After finalizing my divorce, I met a man who was separated from his wife of 20 years and we started dating. She swore she was finished with him for a long time, then kept telling him she wanted to reconcile even after he said he was finished. Last summer, he and I were surprised when we found out we were pregnant. A few months later he broke up with me to just be single, but we have since gotten back together. Our son is now a month old and he chose not to tell her or their children about our son until a few days after he was born. Luckily, his children have accepted their half-brother; his wife flipped out when she found out about the baby and mentioned to friends contemplating suicide a few days later. The point of my story is, sometimes everyone gets hurt in these situations. My illegitimate son didn't ask for this situation either, even though he has 2 parents and 6 older brothers and sisters that love him very much.

doctor zivago
by: Anonymous

For the man taking literature as example. Would you be so tolerant if your wife did the same as you ?

The "other woman"
by: Anonymous

I’ve been dealing with this guy for about three years now. When we met he informed me that he was married but going through an ugly divorce. As the years went by, he would say things like he just came from court and his wife was such a bitch, that she was trying to take everything he has. I listened, supported and never really questioned the things he would tell me. He supported me and my son (not by him) physically, financially and emotionally. Well last October I found out that he was in fact still dealing with his wife at the same time I found out that I was pregnant. I informed him of the pregnancy and he told me to abort. That’s against what I believe in and I refused. It’s a sad situation all around the board. I just wish I would have known all of this beforehand; this would have never happened. I’m now almost eight months pregnant and preparing myself to raise yet another child on my own.

Daughter in Pain
by: Anonymous

My dad has an affair with this woman for 3 years now and has a daughter which is 1 year old as of now. I'm only a teenager and my little brother is only 4. I REALLY hate this woman for ruining our family. This mistress wants my parents to separate so that she and dad can live happily. My mom has gone into a full depression; so am I. This woman gets child-support which is bigger than ours and my dad has 2 children with my mom (which is me and my little bro) and he only has ONE child on the other one BUT that other woman gets more money. There are countless times that my dad tells me that he's going to work for like 3 days but in fact he's with his mistress. His mistress knows that he's married and has children with his wife but she still managed to have an affair with my dad. What a bitch! And this woman got my mom's number and keeps on sending us nasty texts. I researched and researched since she and mom talked on the phone and the bitch dared us to have a fight with her. She even gave her Facebook acct. to us! She has their address. See?! I thought mistresses should be more sophisticated, classy, prettier, and stuff, but my dad's mistress is taking it on a whole different level. Ugh. It's kind of frustrating for me though 'cause I wanna slap the hell out of that bitch and teach her a lesson.

You are not alone
by: Anonymous

Its you he chose and married and if that baby were all that mattered to him most, he wouldn't be with you. But he loves and protects you still. So try to appreciate the fact that he is with you. Happened to me too.

Some other women are victims too
by: Anonymous

He lied to me as well...I guess I'm the other woman. I was in Law school when we met and at the time my life was one big roller coaster (Full-time student/employee). I guess I missed all of the signs that he was married because he didn't behave like a married man with children. When I found out I left (Shocked?) But I also found out I was pregnant. I was tore...I mean who really "wants" an abortion plus I didn't want to tell him, he had already ruined so many lives. I ran into one of his friends while I was at my physicians and word got back to him. He called nonstop and finally called my parents. Oh yeah, did I mention he spent holidays with me and my family (what a jerk!). With tears and a broken heart I had the abortion. I just couldn't allow myself to put a baby through that type of life. He went into a full depression and his wife called me screaming that I was killing her husband. She wanted me to talk to him, but I wanted nothing to do with him or his crazy wife. He has tried several times to get in contact with me but I have nothing to say and I don't want to hear his lies. I just want to say it's not always the other woman fault...we/they have feeling too. I am not trying to justified the action of a woman who knew and didn't care but I had three years with this man, six vacations, two Thanksgivings, two Christmases...I know it's easier to blame the other woman...but I'm a victim too.

I hate liars
by: Anonymous

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and have 4 kids together. When I was pregnant with my 4th child a mystery woman stalked my social media page just to inform me that he got her pregnant! I already knew he was socializing with woman but never knew he was sleeping around and without protection at that. I am so hurt but should have seen this coming because he is possibly a sex addict. We aren't even married and this proves why I possibly never want to get married, honestly I stayed because my kids are young and I want to raise them in a two parent home even though they dont know whats really going on. My concern is that he will leave our family to create one with her. He says over and over he won't but who knows....other concern is that he will never learn his lesson and keep cheating

I understand
by: Anonymous

I am going through the same thing now. We had been together almost 11 years and during a bad patch he online dated and impregnated someone he barely knew. She is going to have the child of course and I believe he is ambivalent. He has apologized but secretly I believe he thinks some good will come of this as we never could have children. He already has a child from another woman before we were together and abandoned them so this is his chance to get it right he figures.

I am sorry for what you are going through. I don't see much good in giving advice. I am in a lot of pain, sometimes denial and anger, and honestly am tired of his blame, guilt, tears and now acceptance and moving on. People don't change. It’s best to split up and move on. He will do something selfish and immature to this new family and its best you're not involved or disappointed again.

Be Understanding, Be Flexible
by: Anonymous

To all the spouses considering divorce due to infidelity: don't do it! A few months into reconciliation with my wife, things are going really well in our rekindled relationship. We are eagerly awaiting the arrival of our third (and my fifth!) child, another boy.

I still see my girlfriend and my other children several times a week. She's not happy about the developments with my wife, but she admits that she still loves me. She can't say that my love for and attention to my second family have diminished in any way.

Recently, I saw the film Doctor Zhivago, based on the epic Russian Revolution novel by Boris Pasternak. The protagonist, too, was in love with two women and started two families. Had it not been for the political climate, he would clearly have continued to see, and take care of, both women.

Dr. Zhivago's relationship with his mistress was genuine. Working side-by-side in a military hospital, he far away from his wife and first child and she, abandoned by her politically active former husband, they acknowledged their love but did not consummate it. The affair did not become sexual until a chance reconnection years later, by which time it was clear that the two had a spiritual, not merely carnal, bond.

Sadly, Zhivago was a marked man -- a middle-class doctor in a society where the Proletariat was seizing the reins of power. He was forcibly separated from both women for the rest of his life.

Literature always, at some level, reflects reality; writers are influenced by what they see. The romance in Doctor Zhivago shows that it is OK for a man to love two women. Divorce in such cases would be a cop-out. If a man continues to take care of both women, a divorce is a selfish, possessive, and ultimately childish act. It's like hitting a classmate in kindergarten because he or she is playing with your favorite toy. Sharing works better. Dr. Zhivago's wife and mistress came to know each other, and protected each other when partisans apprehended their man.

Despite the hurtful things that have been written about me here, I fail to see how divorcing my wife to be with my girlfriend would benefit anyone. I am not the kind of man who abandons the women he loves and the children he created.

Be flexible and understanding, and you can rekindle your marriage even though your husband was or is seeing another woman. Ask him about his feelings and needs. You might be surprised that there is no sinister motive.

Why me? Please help.
by: Anonymous

My husband and I have been together for 5 years. This "mistress" has been in and out of our lives for 3 years. Every time we argue or during our 3 month separation she was there too... Sending messages and calls as if she was just a friend checking up on him but I knew better. I hate this woman with all my heart. I always ask God how I can hate someone so much that I've never met.

During our first separation before our kids, she got pregnant with his child and had an abortion. 3 years later we went through another separation right after our second child was born. This separation was for no longer than 2 months and she got pregnant again. Her child was just born 2 weeks ago.

I'm so embarrassed, but I love my husband so much. I forgave him for making the mistake of getting her knocked up again. But now that the child is here it's a whole different ball game. He wants to see the child but my stipulations are that I have no problem with him raising this child but I don't want him around her at all. Am I being unreal? I just need some advice or comments, something, some feedback from someone.

I don't feel or act like my normal self and I can't talk about this to anyone because I'm so embarrassed and filled with shame and guilt. I'm angry and hurt. But I was the one who decided to separate at the time because I felt that he wasn't doing right by me and our children financially and emotionally. I regret separating with him because now I have to deal with this ugly scar. (The child with the other woman) please help.

Should I leave or stay?
by: I'm 9 weeks pregnant and she's 12 weeks.

I have been with a man 15 years my senior for the last year and a half. We have been in an open relationship" due to all his "priorities", such as having to take care of his elderly patents and not being on his ideal job. 8 months into our relationship he went on a trip to Las Vegas to be with his female best friend whom he failed to mention before now. She was going through a tough divorce and nasty custody battle, so he went to be with her fora week! I was upset but what could I do? The day after he arrived there his phone mysteriously starts acting up so he couldn't communicate with me for the first three days. After he finally got a new phone delivered he still didn't reach out to me that much. I called the hotel where he said he was staying and they had no reservations in his name. So at first I thought maybe he had stayed at her house. When he came home I confronted him about the reservations and he tells me they were in her name. I asked why and he said because she stayed there with him. I knew right away that he had slept with her, but he denied it and said just because she's a woman doesn't mean he can't control himself around her. I called things off for about a week until he apologized and said he'd missed me and the feeling was mutual.

We moved on happily in love spending every other day together and every weekend. His mom gets sick and I support him the whole way. She dies and if course I'm there. I feel like we got closer during this hard time. Where was his "best friend" during this time? She sure didn't come and spend a week here with him during his time of need.

A month later he goes on another week long "work trip" and had very little to no communication with me which takes me back to the Vegas trip. I'm so worried about him I think he's dead, that he's depressed and alone in his hotel thinking about his mom. He finally calls and says he didn't realize he needed space and time to mourn his mother until he was alone. At first I don't believe him but I didn't want to stress it because it may have true.

A month after the "work trip" I miss my period and I let him know. I ask him what if I’m pregnant and he says we should abort it. I start crying because why was that answer easy so easy to come by. A couple weeks go by and we decide to go to the Abortion clinic. We have the ultra sound and we're both so traumatized we don't go back. We actually talk about keeping our child even though it will be hard, but we'll make it work.

2 weeks go by and he decided to tell me he had another woman pregnant. In shock I ask who? He responds Brooke, his so called best friend. He got her pregnant during the last "work trip". I was so hurt to find out he had been lying to me all along, blaming his lack of communication on the death of his mom. "Does she know about me?" I ask. He responds "no". Bitch doesn't even know I exist! "When did you find out about her pregnancy?" He responds "a couple weeks before you found out". I asked why he didn't mention this to me sooner and he said she was supposed to be getting an Abortion. He said he didn't mention it to me until now because she recently called and said she couldn't go through with the procedure. At first my initial reaction was to get the abortion after all. I'm still early enough in the pregnancy to terminate it, break up and move on. I don't want to be mixed up in this mess and I wanted to leave him to figure out his own mess. Then I decided I love him and why should she be able to keep her baby, and not me? And how do I kill a baby (something I don't want to do) and walk away from a man I love who has made the biggest mistake of his life?

After telling her, he says she was livid and hasn't reached out to him since. A big part of me hopes she aborts her baby or puts it up for adoption. We are black and she is white. She has two white children from her divorce. Why would she want to be a single mom to black child? He must have given her a reason to think he loves her. And by them friends with benefits for all these years, she probably wants to have that and so much more.

Do I get an abortion and leave him? Or do I stay and try to make this work?

I think I'll feel so insecure and jealous every time he goes on "work trips" and talks about traveling to see the baby. He said he would travel a few times to see her and support her during her pregnancy because she is still his friend and he loves her. He said he wouldn't have sex with her again but I know that's A LIE!

Matthew 5:18- confront the sun with truth
by: Anonymous

Agreed Cynthia. Goodbye. There’s been enough drama. Enough lies and jumping from one bed to another. Confront the sin. It will be the death of your marriage anyway. In time the relationship will only diminish anyway. You don't have anything to lose by laying the relationship on the line. Only then can you grieve it and heal.

Grow up
by: Anonymous

You are a delusional and disgusting man. I hope your wife and girlfriend both leave you. Grow up. You don't get to have a wife and a girlfriend and switch between the two and think that this is something good. It's twisted, you're twisted and you will ultimately pay a heavy price for this unless you change what you're doing.

If you're too dense to see it for what it is, just ask yourself two questions and be honest about the answers; is this good in the eyes of The Lord and how would you feel if you were you're wife...married to you?!

I pray that your poor children grow up to be nothing like you!

Rekindled with Wife
by: Anonymous

A lot of you insisted that I should divorce my wife. I stayed with her and with my first family out of duty. I am so happy that I did the right thing. Here's a surprising update from the man with two families...

Back in October, my elder son, now 14, had a big argument with his mom. She forbade him from going to a party, objecting to one of his friends. Not only did he go anyway, but he told her that he was tired of being bossed around all the time. He rattled off a list of the ways in which she was controlling him, down to choosing what he wore every day, monitoring him through his friends' parents, and deciding which clubs he should join at school.

I wanted to say, "Way to go, son!" but of course I couldn't. There was some swearing and anger on his part, which I did talk to him about.

Wifey was despondent for five days, during which my son made himself scarce around the house and ignored her completely (and I spent a little extra time at my girlfriend's place). Finally, my wife realized that her controlling behaviors were putting her in danger of losing the people she loves.

The night she apologized to my son, my wife became a changed woman. She came in to our bedroom, one minute she was crying, and the next, she fell into my arms and was kissing me like she hadn't in years. She initiated sex, which she also hadn't done in a long time.

She's become so much more mellow, less perfect-mom and more good-wife. It's funny, but my wife and I have honestly had more sex in the last ten weeks than in the last ten years. She is getting older and we didn't think she could still get pregnant, but we just found out that we are going to have one last child together. (We had sex so infrequently before, that protection was not even on my mind.) I am amazed and very happy!

My girlfriend was angry with me at first, but I've continued to spend time with her every week and reassure her that I'll always be there for her and for the children I have with her. My having another baby with my wife makes her jealous, but she is young and knows she and I can have more children whenever we decide to. Also, I've been up-front from the start, so she harbored no illusion that I was getting ready to leave my wife before this happened.

I guess my advice is to try and stick it out instead of getting divorced. You never know when some secret force will catalyze your relationship and make it work again. I feel like the luckiest man in the world, with beautiful children, a wife who still loves me, and a girlfriend who also loves me!

Divorce is not a solution. Patience and space (in this case, my giving my wife space to be super-mom all those years, and my taking space by getting a girlfriend) can heal most relationship problems.

I'm curious whether some of the women here whose husbands have taken mistresses and impregnated them have truly tried to understand, have accepted that it isn't all the man's fault, and have given their men a little time and space to sort things out. Most of us really do not want to leave our wives and families, even if we need a little variety now and then.

Fiancé fathered a baby with a stranger
by: Anonymous

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years and he just found out 8 months ago he has a 2 year old from a one night stand. We have no kids together; however we both have grown children and grandchildren. The hurt and betrayal is so deep. I don't know if I should stay and get married or leave. Please give me some advice? If I work it out where do I begin? If I leave I feel like she wins. Please help

My husband cheated in our marriage and has two children
by: Anonymous

Six years ago, my husband started cheating on me with a twenty five year old girl. At that time we had been together for 9 years and married five years. He had been cheating with her for two years when she got pregnant. He moved out for five months but was still coming around and in our home which we build together. I did not accommodate his attentions and he used to get mad. I drove away from the house with our five year old child and returned when I knew he had left.

During the interim, he brought home groceries for our daughter and left them when I was not at home. When he brought the groceries, he came by looking for sex (which I subtly avoided). He returned home with his clothes after his father passed away and said he was sorry. Then he said the woman was pregnant. I drove away when he said that and did not respond. We never talked about it. Then he started sleeping out after saying he was sorry. He fathered a next child but did not tell me. The woman telephoned me and abused me verbally. I did not let her ruffle me, but answered her in a manner which left her stunned. "My marriage has fifty more years to go despite what you are doing.

Just this year my husband claimed he told her "why am I wasting my life with you-you cannot be anything like my wife." In the meantime, she sleeps with other men and my husband knows this but still goes and sleeps with her. I’ve been faithful because I respect my child, my vows and myself. I do not sleep with him because he lies a lot. I have stopped washing his clothes and if I cook when he is around, he can eat, but I do not make extra effort to dish out his food.

WE have a huge house mortgage together and if I divorce we cannot buy out each other and the bank will benefit. I have built a wall around me, so whether he is in the house or not, it does not bother me. We do not share the same bed either. Now he says he has left the woman. I told him to support his children but do not bring them around me. Should I take the child support from him and give it to the woman? Or sent it to the grandmother who has the children? Or will I be putting myself in open danger for them to seek out money from me?

Heartbroken but such is life!
by: Anonymous

I will have been with him for 9 years on October 28. After a very trying and hard relationship the last 5 to 6 months, I find out last week that he is having a baby with a woman he knew before me. I feel like I’m grieving a death. Don't know how to go on... I know I have to leave but it hurts so bad. I just need to express how I feel right now. I know that I love him, but I know if I don't leave, whether we’re together or not, he will never know my worth. It’s sad to say, but I still love him dearly.

by: Anonymous

My husband cheated on me with my maid for 3-4 months. Now he’s decided to come back to us, but it's quite late as his mistress is pregnant and I don't know what to do. I am confused about if I would still accept him or deal with the child. I thought about adopting the baby once it is born, but I don't want to see the mistress ever again. It is still very painful and every day I think about it. The maid mistress seems to have it planned very well. She tried so hard to get in while my husband and I were having misunderstandings. My heart goes out to all the wives out there that has been betrayed and cheated.

I am a husband that had an affair and now has a child with my mistress
by: A lost fool

Almost two years I had a yearlong relationship with a woman who was a good friend, almost a best friend, while my wife and I had fallen out of our marriage. Things where not the same; love was dull, we fought all the time... Little things were explosive ... We had 3 children then, with one on the way that I suspected was not mine, but it was just my insecurities. I was ridiculed for the smallest of things and worked hard and always came home to even more stress and I put the blame on her for not being a better wife and mother.

Along came my mistress (who was my friend to begin with) who claimed to have her own marital problems and eventually our problems became each other’s because we reached out to each other in bad times. When our affair started it was wonderful of course, and emotions were put into place and made all the bad go away. We snuck around and even saw each other and talked to each other as often as we could ...She was even there to reassure me of my new child and helped me learn how to truly love my kids.

When my wife found out about us of course things got really bad ... But to cut it short we stayed together. I called it off with my mistress and grew to know that my place was with my family. Months, many months later I learned that my mistress was pregnant with what was my child and she refused to have anything to do with me as she decided to stay with her family as well ... When the baby was born it was apparent to everyone it was mine without doubt. And she went around town lying that the baby looked the way it did due to her parent’s family traits.

I have tried to reach out to do the right thing to peacefully resolve what needs to be done and have been road blocked. Now things have to get ugly, which is not what I want. The long and the short of things I can't sit here and say I wish it didn't happen because then that little one would not be a part of this world. But it is difficult for me as man to know the baby is there and I have to watch it grow through pictures from mutual friends.

My advice to men and women who act on emotions with others outside their marriage is to not act on those impulses. Channel that energy into your spouse and try to do the right thing. In the end, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Remember you will not be the first person on earth to divorce or separate, but for the sake of innocent children and situations beyond your control and in your control, at least TRY.

TRY to do right by the ones you obligate yourself to first. And don't take a walk down that road towards an affair because the ugly truth is you will be living a lie that will never be accepted as a good thing. I wish nothing bad on mistress and her situation at all; I have nothing bad to say about her and never will. We were two people in a different time and place and now I have a child I don't get to see until the courts say so and I lost a good friend.

...And gained a guilt that will always have a hold on me.

by: Anonymous

We have been married for 10 years have a 9 year old together. My husband just told me that he got some stranger pregnant (he knew her for about 1 week), as well as a woman who he has been cheating with (amongst other women), for a couple of years. Our marriage has been very difficult, there has been so much infidelity on his part and I eventually did the same. We have never been able to stay apart though for longer than 3 weeks. We miss each other and one or the other of us will initiate making up.

I don't want this anymore, not that I ever wanted it. I want my family to be a healthy happy one...but how do I deal with this? I feel emotionally drained and the pain of betrayal is overwhelming. He says that he loves me and that he's in love with me. I feel the same about him, but we also hold so much resentment towards each other and we have our child to think about. I honestly am disgusted and devastated by what he has done, getting 2 women pregnant within about 1 week of each other! I am disgusted at the women as well, more so at the one woman who knows about us, knows that we've been trying to work things out yet still is going after a married man. I think she's an awful person and I feel sorry for the child that she already has, from her past marriage and for the one she is apparently going to have, those kids have got a nasty woman as their mother. The other woman I think is a complete lowlife tramp, who had sex with a married stranger and got pregnant.

And yes, I blame my husband the most because without him, none of this would happen. The problem is that I love him. We have just this week gone to see a Pastor and told him about the situation. My husband told him that he wants our marriage, that he loves me and wants us. I'm just so hurt and although I want us, I'm worried that this is going to be more than I can take. How do I deal with the other woman, the children? What and how are we to speak to our child about this? I don't want these women in our lives, but how is that possible given the circumstances? I'm hurt, angry, confused, bitter, disgusted and at the same time I'm in love, hopeful and unwilling to give up on us.

I've not been perfect, and I've made mistakes that I wish I could take back, but I also know that I don't deserve this. My husband told me he got these 2 women pregnant because he was trying to make sure that we never got back together. He said that at the time he thought we would not give in to each other the way we always have...but we did. We also (before I knew about the situation) recommitted to each other, promised that no matter what, we would work thing through...problem is he knew about the pregnancies and didn't tell me at the time, and I made promises without knowing the ugly truth.

When I read this, I'm ashamed. Ashamed because if my girlfriends told me that this is what was happening in their marriage, I would tell them to walk away. Yet here I am, trying to work on my marriage with my husband who I want to trust, but has been untrustworthy, who had lied almost constantly for years, who is meant to be my rock, but feels more like quicksand under my do I deal with this, with me, with our child, with our marriage and with the other woman and their children?

No DNA tests have been done, both tramps are about 2 months along but I think that it is very possible that when the tests are done, my husband will be the father of 2 children outside our marriage. Writing that, makes me feel physically sick. What is it going to be like once the children are here? That thought also sickens me. I don't know what to do. I have to get tested now for every sexually transmitted disease. I know that this will hurt my child, when the talk has to happen and I hate my husband and those two women so intensely when I think about that.

I would like to also say, to every cheating spouse, man or women, that it is wrong. There is no good that will come from it and if you have children together you should try and sort the situation out properly. It’s not just your spouse you will hurt but also your children. I would like to say, to all the whores out there (both men and women), who go after and get involved with married people or people who are already in relationships, unless you have been Completely lied to, and know nothing about the spouse or significant other of the cheater, that you are disposable, low life's and you bring so much pain to others for your own selfish wants.

I need some advice
by: Anonymous

My husband had an affair and got the women pregnant. She already has two kids and he fell in love with them. He says he will never leave me because he loves me, but I don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t know if I should stay or leave. It hurts even more because I can’t have any children and he has always wanted a kid. This is all happening too quick. I can’t deal with these emotions; it’s not my thing so if someone can please help me out.

by: Anonymous

Ok I get that the human species is capable of being in love with two people at once but someone is obviously bound to be left out in any threesome. I think the wife who is being cheated on should find a hot young guy to balance things out! Make sense right??! Good luck

by: Anonymous

My Husband had an affair after 25 years together and out of the affair he has a child. I choose to forgive him and work it out with him, it has been 2.5 years and the mistress still is angry with him for not leaving me. She keeps him in court she will not allow him to see his child outside of what the court order states. Unless he travels to her home state and spends the weekend. She continues to tell him that her child cannot come around me and she does not want me to be part of the child life.

Did she not think for a minute that she was sleeping with another woman’s husband! I cannot say what I want to say to her because she will use that against me in court as an angry aggressive woman to stop the child from coming to our home. Yes I blame my husband, don’t get me wrong… however we are moving on and it does not seem as if she will ever let go.

All I have to say to all the MISTRESSES out there… When you lay in BED with ANOTHER Woman’s Husband you have not ONLY DONE WRONG TO THEM. YOU HAVE DONE WRONG TO ALL WOMEN including YOURSELF.

We all create our own KARMA… however if you understand KARMA, what you don’t get back it will go to YOUR CHILDREN and your CHILDREN CHILDREN’S….

Moving on for the better
by: Anonymous dj

Hello there and blessings to all great’s been almost 14 years since my ex-husband chose his mistress over me and left me with two kids. I can imagine how all of you are feeling because it lingers in my mind every single day. I just need to remind you that it is better and is a nicer feeling going through life with peace and dignity upon yourself. Perhaps when the husband leaves the wife it is nothing to do with us but instead that it is their own issue to resolve for being cheaters and selfishness.......Go back as well to how you were nurtured by your parents as a precious child and it would make you think “who the hell is he to destroy you as person”....Happiness is really a choice...You can still meet good people around that make you feel better. Why stick with an ex-husband who dumped you in first place if you can find other man who treats you like an extraordinary woman. Enjoy all your days with your kids and with inspirational people....Cheers mate …life is too short…be the best woman you can be and show him that you can do better without him. I guess it is healthier for the children to see you happy and beautiful...God is with us and never leaves us in vain…Your cheater ex-husband shouldn’t ruin your life God is still giving us a chance to live without messy cheater strong and beautiful no matter what! Listen to the song skyscrapers......God bless us all! Good luck to your challenge and the battle begins now........

Part time dad
by: Anonymous

Man with two families... That is B.S. If your wife isn't giving you what you need then tell her the truth. If she wants to continue with this arrangement then fine, but don't take away her right to someone who loves only her. You are stealing her choice. That is wrong.

If I knew I would get the kids full time without having to share custody I would probably agree. But I want to be able to choose. It's not fair for you to be able to be with two women if she can't have two men (if she doesn't already).

And how do you find all this time to be a full time dad to two sets of children. Why didn't you invest that time into your kids like your wife did? Instead you chose to spend even less time with 2 sets of kids. Divorce her if you are that miserable so at least one set of kids gets a full time dad and your girlfriends kids don't have to be your shameful secret. Be happy with your girlfriend if your wife is so bad. You can still take care of her with alimony and child support.

My husband is having a baby with his mistress.
by: Anonymous

Cynthia I feel your pain. I too think my husband is going through a midlife crisis. It is so hard to walk away after so much time together. I think a lot of what we are willing to tolerate has to do with how they treat us when we are together.

I personally don't think I could be happy with anyone but husband. He is very loving and caring when we are together. His mistress is not pregnant yet but they are actively trying to change that. I do not know how that is going to change my feelings for him or his feelings for her for that matter. I can't tell anyone else what to do but I would suggest following your heart.

Husband still trying to get mistress pregnant
by: Anonymous

It has been almost 3 months since my husband of 23 years told me that he is having an affair and trying to get her pregnant. As I read everyones stories I cant help but to notice that most wives stay with their cheating husbands because of the kids. My situation is the complete opposite. I am unable to have children and am still shocked that he did not leave me years ago because of his desire to have children. He admits that he does love her but says he still loves me very much. He said he does not plan to leave me even if she does become pregnant. I love him very much and can't imagine my life without him but I do not know what the truth is or what the future holds for us.

by: Anonymous

I am the man with two families. It hurts that some of you blame me, when it was my wife who chose to neglect me. As I said, I still love her, and I've kept my first family intact.

Regarding my girlfriend's decision to hire a nanny so that she would have time for me, my wife could have hired one too. Money is not the issue. Her ego is. You can imagine that someone with her personality would never agree to involve another person in raising her children.

After my girlfriend gave birth to our son last year, our relationship became even stronger. For my January "business trip", I met her in a small village in Mexico, where we organized an informal commitment ceremony. She wore a beautiful wedding dress and we exchanged vows. Townspeople joined us, and we dressed up our baby girl and baby boy for the occasion. When they are older, they'll look at the pictures and see a family that, despite being unorthodox, is very loving. I wanted to prove that I have the same commitment to my girlfriend that I do to my wife, even though the relationship can never be legally or socially recognized.

What's missing in the replies here is empathy. What would you do if your spouse focused on children and "good works", to the point of ignoring you?

The way I am made, I could never abandon my wife, or the children I have with her. Divorce would exact a terrible toll on all of us.

My alternative of meeting a girlfriend and starting a second, secret family works to my wife's advantage. I'm giving her the space she needs to be a supermom. We are always cordial, there is no animosity between us, and there is no fighting under our roof. Our two sons are growing up happy and well-adjusted, which might not be the case if I'd opted for divorce, as some of you suggested.

On a separate note, the closeness that grew between my girlfriend and me when we had our second child has convinced us to try for another baby. She's still young, so we could have a big family.

My wife is nearing the end of her child-bearing years. The two things that hold me back from having another children with her are sex (she's interested only a few times a year) and my fear that she'd repeat her pattern of neglecting me while raising the child. Maybe some of you know what it's like to be neglected by a person you love, through no fault of your own.

Husband is trying to get his mistress pregnant
by: Anonymous

My husband of 23 years (dating 29) told me last month that he was having an affair with the sole purpose of having a child since I am unable to conceive. He admitted that he has known her for almost 9 years and that the affair has been going on a couple of months. He assured me that he did not love her (admitted to caring about her) and that he did not see a future with her other than for having a child. As devastated as it was I agreed to stick it out to see how it would play out. (I love my husband more than life itself and can’t imagine my life without him)… so for a little over a month now he has been seeing her every couple of days. Now he told me that he loves her and still loves me. I am very confused and don’t know what the right thing to do is. I have no bad feelings towards her (she has no idea we are still together) based on what he has told me about her I actually think I like her and am open to the idea of trying an open marriage. I don't know if I am considering this because I have low self-esteem, or am I just confident enough in our love? Am I crazy for thinking this can actually work? Can he love her without it affecting his love for me?

by: Anonymous

@Both Sides you are deluded if you think for one second you can blame your wife! You are ruining hers and your kid’s lives. Why didn't YOU hire a nanny if you wanted to spend more time with her? Why bring a 3rd person into a marriage? Have you forgotten that you promised to forsake all others? What you are is a coward, a liar, a cheat, a RUBBISH husband and a RUBBISH father! You have now squandered whatever little time it sounds like you've shared with your children for your tramp and second lot of children. You say you love your wife yet you speak negatively about her and praise your mistress. Let your wife go so that she can focus on herself and at least find a man while she has some good years left in her. You just focus on YOURSELF and your new family. IF YOU NEED TO STEP OUT OF A MARRIAGE THEN COMPLETELY DO SO. What you have done is just cause a lot of unnecessary hurt in the future. You and your mistress are disgusting, selfish people who were made for each other. Let your wife go so that she is not humiliated any further.

its all about you 2
by: Anonymous

The first is an issue of love; the second is an issue of ownership and selfishness on your part. If he looks after the house, the children and yourself on the same basis as before, and loves you and your children in an ongoing unlimited fashion, why are you busting his balls?

One final thing - and this is well renowned by psychologists worldwide. Men are designed to have sex with women (plural). If your husband has a very strong libido when you meet him at 20, then he will have a very strong libido at 60. Weak libido then it isn't going to improve.

If you can barely keep up at 20, then within 2 years, your libido will start to falter; within 20 it will be non-existent. His hasn't changed. That's nature’s way of perpetuating the species, yet somehow females have been taught that they should cage him, and deprive him, and make him the slave to the perpetuation of her offspring alone. (Pretty weird feminist idea - but it’s out there!)

The inverse: Women whose husbands don’t measure up to her sexual needs will find that he will be replaced with another male who will satisfy those desires. The inverse is generally the opposite, with psychologists doing a roaring trade with sex starved husbands and wives telling them to get over it!

Now a moment for the chaps:

You have a family with a woman; you’re responsible to be a father and bread winner to that family, even if she works. All children need a father. Sorry all the man haters out there - you screw your children's lives up if you deprive them of their father, and just imagine how angry and aggressive you may end up being if he took your children away. Fathers love their children.

Now chaps if you realize that your life journey includes a relationship with a second woman, then remember you have no right to breach that trust with your first wife, without her full knowledge of your intentions. Yes that is tough but man up. Breach of trust is everything, and by the time you’re giving your second love an extra big cuddle - your already well over the line of honesty and decency. Keep it under control and be a man.

Be straight forward and honest to both of your loves. Yes very hard, but a hell of a lot easier then lying and being deceitful. Secondly you must only move forward as fast as all parties can handle it. Again, this is an extremely difficult thing to do. But if you really are mentally mature enough to have two families you’d better be prepared to intellectually negotiate, and care for two families!

If you’re doing it just for sex - don't. If you have fallen out of love leave and be man enough. Leave get a divorce and pay your responsible duties!

If it is a true love situation then being honest up front is the most important thing no matter what society says. And you’d better pay and look after both families responsibly.

Be Real
by: Anonymous

You are doing the right thing. Read this book "opening up" by Tristan Toarmino. All these people talk about the perfect marriage but they are living with strangers. People who open up to allowing their partners to have another woman have a better relationship with their husband by far compared to those who have monogamist relationship. Honey you are living in the real world and they are living a big lie. "I’d rather be hurt with the truth than to be confronted with a lie." By the way you are more secure and confident about yourself than all those criticizing you. Be your husband’s best friend, don't be the controlling wife or a mother. Support your husband and I know it’s hard at the beginning but eventually you will realize that this is the way things should be. I allow my husband to have a mistress and we have been closer ever since. No more lying, no more infidelity. I haven’t yet met her in person, but I am letting him prepare her so one day I can meet her, and who knows be her friend too. A lot of people criticize the other woman which is unfair. You don’t know what lies your husband is telling her. I don’t think everyone may be able to do what I do, but if you have a great communication, very secure and confident about yourself, accepting him to have an affair with your consent is the easiest and best thing you can do for your relationship. I must stress out that I have only been with my husband. As of now I have no desire to allow another man to penetrate me except for him. I’m 40yrs old and have been married for 22 years and have 3 kids with my husband.

You men are cowards
by: Anonymous

I cannot believe some of the men on here who think they are decent men while having affairs and babies with a mistress all the while staying married because they "love" their wives.

Get over yourself and your sense of entitlement. Who do you think you are to think that you have a right to two families? You are cowards not to break it off with either your wife or mistress. You want it all - the comforts of the safe marriage - even if it is boring and all your needs aren't met - while the excitement of the affair and having your huge ego stroked there.

You are not decent men - you are cowards. And in the end both women will know that. So will your children.

Hurt and betrayed
by: Anonymous

Hi. My boyfriend of five years just told me via text that he has a child. I’m so hurt because he’s been acting funny… not talking to me and accusing me of things I never did. Please help because I’m going crazy here. I feel so hopeless and hurt.

Both Sides
by: Anonymous

I've tried to be a loving husband to my wife for 17 years. We have two boys, 7 and 12.

My wife plays the role of the perfect mother, monitoring our sons' every movement, planning their lives, sitting with them while they do their homework, driving them to lessons and social engagements, and then scrapbooking about our happy family. Sadly, this level of involvement takes away from her role as a good (I never asked for perfect) wife.

In fact, I only agreed that we should have a second child because my wife became depressed when our first son was old enough to go to preschool, that is, old enough not to need her all day long. Caring for another baby calmed her for a few years. Then, when not looking after our boys, she turned to external pastimes like being on the PTA. I applaud all that she has accomplished, but I also wanted a wife who would spend a little time with me.

My wife focuses only on our children, virtually ignoring me. This was the backdrop for the affair that I started. My girlfriend is younger and less intense than my wife. She is present in the moment. She talks to me, listens to me, and even holds me (men need affection, too). We've arranged our work schedules so that we can see each other a few times a week. On weekends, I say I'm "going to the gym". Three or four times a year, I take week-long "business trips".

I still love my wife, in spite of her remoteness, but I live for my girlfriend. She's been pregnant four times in our seven years together. We were responsible and chose abortion the first time. The second time, she had a miscarriage. The third time, she gave birth to our beautiful daughter, who is the light of my life. We decided to try for a second child, and I'm excited that my girlfriend is now five months pregnant with a boy!

Because my girlfriend understands the importance of being a parent and a lover at the same time, she has hired a nanny. We are involved in our daughter's care, but we can still take time just for us.

I love both of the women and all of the children in my life. I am not a bad person. I've chosen a path that lets me keep my first family intact, while meeting my emotional needs through my second family. For everyone's good, my wife does not and will not know about my girlfriend. My girlfriend lives in a neighboring town, and I've had my lawyer draw up a trust to support her, and my new children, anonymously. Though my girlfriend wishes she could have me all to herself, she also knows that I'm a good, reliable man for not abandoning my first family.

Remember, there are two sides to every story. Men who have relationships and children outside their marriages don't necessarily have selfish motives, and some of us respect our obligations no matter what.

Defeated Mistress
by: Anonymous

I was the mistress for 6 1/2 years of a man who said that he was already having problems with his marriage and planned on leaving his wife. I had two abortions because the timing wasn't right. My conscious bothered me all the time and I urged him to either recommit to his family or fully stand beside me. He said that he was fully with me but had to resolve financial issues before he could get a divorce. Each December we would break up so that I could start fresh for the New Year, and he would always find a way to get me back (spa day, vacation, etc.). I think he took me out to dinner so often so I could gain weight and not be attractive to other men. Last year he said that he wanted us to have a baby by the end of the year, and specifically wanted a girl. So after he was officially separated for 2 years, I got pregnant and decided to keep the baby. God blessed us with a girl just like he wanted, but as soon as he learned I was pregnant he broke up with me and went back to his wife. My daughter is 5 months old and he barely takes care of her, claiming not to have money. His family knows about me and my daughter and yet has never come to see her. I just found out that his wife is 6 months pregnant.

I've been married before and got divorced over my ex committing adultery. I can't understand why this woman would take back a man who she knows had an affair for over 6 years and then have a child with him, knowing he just had a baby with another woman. I have so much hate for them both.

Follow up
by: Cynthia

Hello All!!
I read your stories and I feel your pain. I am still stuck in my current situation but I am getting out. Dealing with lack of finances is extremely hard to get out of a bad relationship. I am still in Graduate school and plan on finishing next May. It is hard to be here but I keep looking towards my final goal of being free.
Someone said when the heartache of remaining in a relationship is worse than the pain of leaving it is time to go. I know it is hard, probably the hardest thing you have ever done in your life; where the pain seems unbearable. I was there....I cried everyday which seemed like all day. I cried taking the kids to school, I cried at work; I cried at home, I cried on my way to the grocery store. I saw a therapist, joined as support group and I tried anti-depressant medication. (I quit taking the medication because I didn't like the way it made me feel.....nothing) I was extremely depressed...where I couldn't get out of bed. It hurts....and it feels like someone has died and you are grieving. But grief will pass eventually. I still feel sad and angry about my situation but I am accepting that it will not change. I am looking out for me because I can't stand being sad anymore.
Look to people to talk to...find one person to vent your feelings to. People can become wonderful support systems. I am very grateful to my Angel who always talks with me. She had been the most helpful....even more so than my therapist.

He couldn't ever love me
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to all you women how have been betrayed in this manner and are suffering with heart break over someone who has deceived you and abandoned you.
I especially thank Cynthia for her comments and would like to hear more from her. I too would like to move on in the way she is doing, but right now I can't even more from the heartbreak and disbelief. I'm on anti-depressants but they are not working as well as I had hoped.

My husband was a loving man, attentive and caring with me up until the end before he left. He never gave me any reason to think he would ever dream of doing this to me. He has shattered my world as he was everything to me. We would spend time together every day and now he is as a stranger.

I feel that he has had an affair with someone while married to me and possibly now she is pregnant. He left me and seemed very torn but will not admit what he did. When I speak to him he seems very emotional but decided to end our marriage.

We don't have children. He never wanted them and possibly thought he couldn't have any so he probably didn't use any precaution with his mistress. I'm older than he is but that was never an issue, as it seemed. We have spent 16 years together and 11 years married. I'm a licensed acupuncturist and the other day he tells me I should volunteer for Lamaze centers for pregnant women with morning sickness.

He has broken my heart in a big way. When we were together he would say that he loved me to the bone. Go figure. May God help I don't know how to forward from this hell I find myself in. Thanks for your comments.

I am one of them
by: Anonymous

I have had a mistress for 23 years and fathered a child with her 15 years ago. I love her, but could never leave my wife and the 3 children I have. My mistress fills the voids of the relationship I have with my wife which are many and significant.
I know that what I have done is wrong and that I have harmed many people. I wish that I wasn't like this. I wish I could just find a way to be content with my wife. However I just don't have what it takes. Either there is something inside that drives me to do this, or there is something that doesn't provide enough force to do what is right. I am a poor sinner and a poor excuse for a human being because of this. I do try and make up for my inadequacy in other ways, but I understand you may hate me. All I can say is that I am sorry for being the way I am. It is like being on drugs. I haven't found a way to control it that works for me. If I could change the way I am I certainly would.

My boyfriend is having a baby with his mistress
by: Anonymous

Hi I just found out my boyfriend of 10 year is having a baby with his mistress of two years. This baby will be here soon and I am so confused and hurt. I never thought this would be happening to me. I love this man. I am truly lost and I feel like I’m really losing my mind. I need help with this.

Confused and hurt
by: Anonymous

My husband has a child that is 3 months older than our now 3 month old daughter. When we were engaged the other woman got pregnant three months before me. I didn't find anything out until after we got married. I don't know what to do. I really love my husband but I don't think I can accept the fact that they are 3 months apart. Now he wants to start getting the other baby on the weekend. I'm not sure that I can handle her being around. I'm stuck between staying here and leaving. We have had a lot of rough times but, he has really changed from the person that he used to be. In a way I am afraid of moving on because of the person he is now; but it’s the person that he was in the past that has me in a situation that I have to deal with for the rest of our lives and I don't know how. I don't want to be the person that keeps him from his child; but how do I accept it. They are both little babies. I need some major advice.

The daughter left alone
by: Anonymous

Hello. I am truly sorry to hear all your stories! I cannot understand them as the wives that were betrayed. But my parents were together for 19 years and now my dad told us that he has had an affair and the mistress is pregnant. She is only two years older than me. I have met her and I did so because I wanted to see if she would apologize to me and admit her wrong doing. She said sorry that we had to meet like this and she doesn't know what to say and that he knows it doesn't cover it.... My question, is this a sincere apology and should I accept it or should I fight for a better one? She said she wants to be my friend and she wants my dad and me to have a relationship.

What should I do!? Delete them both, talk only to my dad and ignore her and my step brother or sister or whatever, or have her in my life and dad and move on (is that possible)

Would you have your children do?
Please help

I’m trying to get over my ex-husband-to-be and his mistress and their baby
by: mandy duffy

I posted on your site about my ex-husband to be fathering a baby with his mistress. I’m now on antidepressants to keep me calm he as destroyed me and also my 3 children which are 11, 12, and 13. They both have destroyed me and my children and my divorce will be through in a month. I always say once a cheat always a cheat and they both deserve each other. He has turned his back on his children, but at end of the day they don’t need him and one day he will realize what he’s done, but it will be too late. I just want to be happy and move on with my life but it’s hard. I will get there. He’s not destroying me anymore.

Husband having baby with mistress who is sleeping with married men only
by: Anonymous

We’ve been married for 5 years with 2 boys. My husband started cheating with his high school sweetheart. Only problem she sleeps with anything with a penis. After I found out about the affair, he claimed he stopped seeing her, but he lied. He got her pregnant but also lied about being the father. After the child was born they did DNA test and the baby was his. I just wanted to die and I hated him. Two years later I still can't deal with this whole thing. I hate her and her mother and also my husband for hurting me like that. What if I got aids or something? The worst thing is his parents adore that baby and can't stand mine. I am thinking about divorcing him because loving him just hurt me and the boys.

Ex-husband and the other woman had baby
by: Anonymous

My ex-husband has a baby with the OW now. Our kids are only 3 and 5 years old. It hurts so much. It feels as if our family was disposable to him. I feel thrown away. I want to feel happy again but it's so hard go see past the pain.

Preaching to the Choir...unfaithful husband
by: Need to Vent

I divorced my husband because of the child he fathered during an affair. When asked if he was pursuing a relationship with the woman he denied it. But why should I have believed him. Before the affair was discovered, I asked had he cheated with the woman I suspected and he denied that.

At our son's 1st birthday party, he invited her, as a friend of the family. She was pregnant with his baby at that time.

This week he sends me a text that read, "By the way, I wanted to let you know that I'll be getting hitched before I leave on the 27th." Where is he going, you ask? He's moving to Arkansas, where his new bride has family and he can provide a better home for the daughter he had with her.

Meanwhile, the son he had with me will receive $62 a month in child-support.

I am so angry at myself for the poor decision I made in choosing him as a mate. All I do is cry and pray for strength and restraint. Thankfully, I am blessed with friends and family to support my son and I emotionally and mentally. I honestly believe that someone who makes decisions like this is damaged and needs therapy.

Were it not for the beautiful, smart, witty, and vivacious son we made together, I would wish that we had never met.

My heartfelt prayers go out to every woman who has or is going through a similar situation.

by: adultry

I’ve been with my husband 14 and a half years and I’ve got 3 children with him. When I had my 3 child 11 years ago, he had an affair. Two years ago he left me for some body that had 3 kids. He was in a serious transit accident and from that day he’s changed. He was acting like he was having an affair and he denied it, but I knew he was cheating and his love child was born last June. I’m devastated. How do I move on from this? I am filing for divorce based on adultery.

I had his baby
by: Anonymous

I am sorry to all of you. I dated a married guy and he was great to me. I have never been in this situation and always despised it. I tried to break it off and so has he. We have been off and on for 8 years, but he was not married but living there. She knew of me and I made sure of it. Yes I went there. Like I said I was never this type and do not know how I got there. I hate myself. I had a miscarriage and 2 abortions. Now we have a 2yr old. I cut him off and stuck to it September of last year. My baby turned two this year and I only saw him once for her birthday. We had a big fight this Jan and he got married a few weeks after. I did not find out until this Easter. He hid his marriage and his ring. What an ass. Well he pays almost a 1000.00 a month in child support and we have been seeing each other again on a regular basis.

I told him today I need answers on why is he sleeping with me, why is he telling me this dumb crap that he loves me. I told him we can’t do this and he said he knows that it is not just the sex but the friendship and our daughter. I told him to just pick up his daughter and leave me alone. He asked if that is what I want and I said yes. His wife says they do not make love and she found out about us again. I told her did she really think we would stay away. I told him he married her, he sealed the deal so you made your bed lie in it. IF you knew us, you would not judge us because we hate it, all of it. We were never the type of people who do this.

Affairs do not last 8 years and 3 pregnancies later. I told him that he should only desire his wife and if he does not then it’s too bad. I am getting stronger but I have always loved him. But if I was not good enough to be with don’t make me good enough to be your mistress. What about our daughter. Whenever I cut him off, he turns his back on her, her little cute face loves him so much. But he can tell.

NO matter what anyone who is on the outside is thinking, if you saw him with me, you cannot tell we were not meant to be together. But leaving him will hurt him and I don’t care. He told me just today he understands and does not feel like it is cheating because it is me. I said no, cheating is cheating period. He said what should we do? I said stop sexing now, period. See your daughter. He said he understands and does not want me to feel like he is holding me hostage. But bottom line, I told him you told me you got married so all the fighting could stop, and he thought since I cut him off cold turkey he would never see us again. So deal with it...

Follow up
by: Cynthia

I have finally decided to let this hell hole go. I see that there is no way to make this work. My husband is a total jackass and I am through. I am in a crunch where I cannot totally just up and leave. There is so much to do.

I hope we can go to mediation where he will adhere to my demands. I will seek support because I believe he has to pay it. Even though I don't want to be dependent on him I have to get it.

I plan to move to another state to achieve a fresh start and I am looking forward to my freedom. He's not worth it and my freedom and well-being is worth more. It took me a while but I am finally getting it. I am worth something to me, even if I am not worth anything to him. I feel smarter and more confident that I will attain my goals for myself. It’s hard to believe a year ago I thought I could not live without him.

Keep your head up ladies....if you need someone to talk to.....write....I am here to listen.


I just had a baby with my husband who stays in contact with "ex" mistress
by: Anonymous

My situation is sort of flipped. My husband had a year and a half affair from the beginning of our marriage; we dated for 4 years prior. He continues to stay in contact with her a year and half later, but claims there isn't and hasn't been any dating or sex, etc. My issue is that I spent 6 months getting him to cut ties with her and when I left for 8 months for school I believed it. I had the fear they continued while I was gone and when I was 8 months pregnant this August he admitted out of the blue to still contacting her.

I am not fooled into any happily ever after, but with a 6 week old baby I am struggling to decide whether or not things can improve (with effort) for my daughters sake. The other woman used to be at our home every day and smile at me knowing what she was doing. And I can't help but think that presently she thinks we are no longer together, when in reality we are and have always been. I also believe she doesn't know about my daughter. Would calmly emailing her a short and simple message do any good? A simple "please leave my husband alone so we can move on for our daughters sake" (sort of hoping that finding out about the fact he's been lying to her will change her mind)? I know he is as much or more to blame, but clearly as long as she is willing, he can't resist. I'm willing to do counseling, but feel if she's around that it's pointless. In the end there's a big possibility I'll leave him, but I want to know that I did my best to keep our family together for my daughter and so I'm trying.

I appreciate feedback, particularly on whether showing the mistress that he was been lying to her would remove her from the picture so that counseling for my husband and I will stand a chance at working.

My husband is having a baby
by: Anonymous

Oh, ladies, how difficult this situation must be for you! It is not only a betrayal of your marriage vows, but also a betrayal of your children. They also must be hurting so much!

Divorce is not easy on families. It is not easy for the wife who files for divorce. The process is a bit like death, I think. Relationships with other people die. Our relationships with our children are "re-invented." Our identities "die," too.

However, out of the chaos of divorce, new relationships are formed, a new and better identity is created, and not only strength, but also courage, are forged. Life is always better when you believe in "you."

Don't look back at the chaos. That's why you left. Only look forward to the new possibilities that lie ahead of you .I know that's difficult right now, but you must remember that you left a relationship that was harmful to you....and you knew in your heart that you deserved better. Believe in your rainbows! They are waiting.

My husband (soon to be ex) is having a baby with his mistress too.
by: Anonymous

I agree. My husband had an affair and his mistress who got pregnant and had his daughter. I was devastated, 19 years in thinking that we were soul mates. It took me a long time to let go, but my divorce will be final within the next 2 weeks.

No one but those who have gone through it truly understands the hurt and humiliation. He actually told me I should love him more than I hate the mistress (and as a byproduct the child) :)!

I’m so tired of hearing that it’s not the child’s fault, but it’s not my fault or my children’s fault either.

So I’m taking care of me and my child and I will leave them to do the same for theirs. Not looking back. Not saying it does not hurt, but every day it gets a little better and I hope you find that it’s the same for you.

I don’t want the burden of a child that he created in that way, emotional or financial.

Hope you find peace. I’m searching for mine as well and hope to find it soon.

It’s amazing how often this happens, but never in a million years would I have thought this would have happened to me.

Anonymous in Georgia

My Husband Is Having a Baby with His Mistress
by: Anonymous

Having been married for 30 years, I am also facing a divorce I never thought would occur. However, I realized that the "marriage" was dead and that I was living with its corpse. Corpses begin to smell after a while, so I decided to bury it.

I understand your pain, confusion, and ambiguity. However, I must tell you that you are worth more and deserve more in a relationship. Your husband betrayed your trust, undermined your self-worth, and disrespected you as a human being. He has broken all the vows..."to love and to cherish until death do we part." Personally, I think the marriage is dead, and you'd be much happier without someone like this in your life.

I wish you well with this journey of self-discovery. I know it is difficult to reach a decision after so many years of married life.

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