No remorse for his infidelity

by Rose

A "sexual fling" and its destructive powers that I thought we were working on (I was wrong) was what started unraveling out marriage. While separated to "work things out" he had a full-fledged affair and lied right to my face so many times. He showed no remorse for his infidelity, was disrespectful, and his emotional abuse was unbelievable. It’s like I’m just not as important as he is, so I don’t count for anything. There has been too much damage done and he thinks I'm the only one who should be working on things.

He still remains secretive and won't talk without blowing up at me. It's never the right time to talk with him. He will always find a good excuse to shut me up and he always puts me down…hard. I was the only one trying to communicate in the marriage in an attempt to resolve our differences. He doesn't like to talk about anything, anytime.

His game is to ignore me. If he ignores me long enough he can continue to blame me by saying "That happened 3 years ago. When are you going to let that go and move on?" He has put me off for three years now not answering my questions or answering a question with a question, always getting angry if I want to discuss the affair in any way shape or form. He blows up and I back down but the questions never leave my mind they resurface at a later date. But it's my problem not his.

He's content just sweeping all his lies and betrayals under the rug and leaving it all there. We've been married for 38 years. I have no children (he can't be a father). All I ever wanted to be was a Mom, but since it didn't matter to him, we never adopted either. I'm so depressed. My entire adult life was just a waste. He thinks I should be content with devoting my life to him as he deserves it. Clearly I don't deserve anything and he should get an award for putting up with me.

Now he’s a few months away from retirement and tells me it's too late. If I filed for a divorce he wouldn't have to pay spousal support if he's retired. What a thoughtful man he is. Thoughtful of himself alone! I told him once I bet you sing Lionel Richie's song “I'm Stuck on You" to yourself!

I was a virgin when we married too. He's all I've ever known. I'm all alone. I have no one.

Comments for No remorse for his infidelity

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For the original poster and anyone else feeling alone and with out options :)
by: Anonymous

You all are incredible women who've made the choice to listen to and wish to believe lies over the truth in your own heart and intuition. I made those voices too. And it's ok. It was part of my journey or learning to trust myself. Learning to put myself first. Learning to love myself. These people we chose to stick with....really did not deserve for us to even grace them with our presence, let alone marry them. Maybe some of us thought we could show these people love. Change them. Teach them etc. Well, in my personal experience, I was used, betrayed, severely disrespected, abused both physically and emotionally, told I WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH, didn't do enough for him (?!) and even told by his garbage family that I deserved everything I got because I wasn't there for him.

No one in the history of relationships has supported, cared for, loved, waited at home ALONE with 2 small children for the lowlife "husband and father" to come home from "working" late. Every single night. Sickening what these creepy men (and women) do to other human beings. Here's why they kept us in the back burner while they played the field...we let them. We accepted their lies even when we felt and saw the red flags. We wanted to believe the lies. And so they continued to feed the lies. THERE IS ALWAYS A CHOICE. To stay or go. To commit to yourself first and foremost or to unwisely commit to someone else first and foremost. Don't let anyone break you down anymore. Dust yourself off. I don't care if you are 17 or 90. Love yourself enough to know you (and I!) deserve soooooo much better and sweeter a life!

Drop those idiots to the curb and let them be someone else's nightmare. Cheaters and liars don't change easily and some never will. Don't waste your life waiting and hoping. Move on to YOU. And make a space for someone fantastic to join you! Because someone fantastic will. We aren't broken either. We've learned SO, SO MUCH. Forgive yourself. Forgive the cheating, lying, manipulator, and then leave. Save yourself.

Also I suggest watching the Netflix show "Grace and Frankie". It is the funniest, more loveable and relatable show on TV. IT SAVED ME.

If you are going through hard times, don't know what to do, and are afraid of dating because you feel too old, or aren't alone. Lots of incredible people just like you are waiting for other people in horrible relationships to realize their worth and value and leave to find more of a match. The older we get the wiser we get. The more we know ourselves. The more we trust ourselves. So by my calculation...the older we get the better the dating pool is ;)

I wish you all the very best because I know, after all you and I have been through, we truly deserve it. And if we let go of what doesn't serve us...we will open ourselves up for what does. Choices. I'd rather be alone in the presence of my own excellent company and my friends and family then with a disrespectful, disloyal, dishonorable, manipulating and therefore emotionally abusive individual ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!

Love and light to you all. You're all incredible beautiful women.

Still in the situation - I'm not sure what to do
by: Anonymous

I just found out that my husband has been cheating on me. I'm 8 months pregnant and have a 2 year old. He checked out on us a while ago but I didn't realize the extent of his lies until he finally came clean. I think it was because he was caught lying to his new girlfriend about our situation. I'm so stupid for helping him make himself not seem like a liar to his girl too. I'm feeling like a horrible person. I do love him but I'm losing faith that he cares about anyone but himself. He sees the pain this is causing me and I know he says lots of things to try and get me to stay because he wants a family, but I feel like I'm losing my self-respect in the process.. I’m so emotional and confused, I helped him get back together with her.

I think somewhere I just want this to be over and I think that my waiting to figure things out may be a mistake. I just want to do it with a clear head. I feel that now that I do know everything.... There are no secrets and he gave me his word (which doesn't mean much anymore) that he would stop once I can have sex again and the baby is born and I do my Kegels etc. But I just feel that putting conditions on me like this shows he doesn't support me. He wasn't always like this but doesn't want to be tied down. During our problems unsupported him financially etc. and did all of what he asked while basically raising my two year old by myself and working full time. I want to know what I should do. I'm too embarrassed to talk to my friends and family about this.

You are not all alone; you have yourself...
by: Anonymous

I am divorcing a man I have been married to for 32 years. He is a narcissist with what appears to me some sociopath tendencies as well. I have been trying to get a property settlement with him for over a year. We both have lawyers and still under the same roof together (my lawyer advised this). He has had a girlfriend half his age for over a year and has gotten pretty bold with it. Although he denies it to my face which is the most infuriating thing a man can do to a woman.

He is 60 years old, terrified of getting older and losing his appeal to women. He has cheated throughout the marriage but always managed to talk his way out of it. This last time I hired a PI and bought trackers to go on his vehicles. So when I asked him different questions (already knowing the answers) he would lie every single time.

Both of my parents are deceased but really weren't good parents to me anyway. I was raised in and out of foster care for 13 years due to their dysfunction. My husband and I have one son together who is married now. He has nothing to do with his father since this last woman’s involvement. I am scared some days to think of being alone and taking life on with just me to depend on. But the thoughts of living with him as his wife is much more terrifying to me. I have already lost so much of myself in this marriage and I am looking forward to being on my own and working on my life again and what I like and enjoy doing.

I work but I don't make a lot of money. I need the property settlement in order to really move on with my life and have some financial security. He has discarded me so coldly that it baffles me. He wants me to drop the divorce proceedings but only because he doesn't want to half with me what we have. Sometimes I am hesitant to even tell people the things he does in our marriage because I think they probably wouldn't believe it.

Narcissist are a different animal altogether. Not like the rest of us. They just don't have anything inside. Everything they do is if they are an actor on a stage. I know you are discouraged. Living with men like this as long as we have can make you feel scared, insecure, lonely, unable to make decisions (because they always want to be in control of the decisions), and just plain tired and beat down.

When I started this process I felt so overwhelmed with all of the decisions I had to make and all of the changes I would have to undergo. Then one day my daughter in law said to me don't think of it all at once, take one thing at a time. That was such a wise thing for her young years but she was right. So I when I begin to feel overwhelmed (and I still do) I think about what she said and think about the main thing at hand that I need to do.

I hope this has helped you in some way. I am a social worker by profession and try to help others when I can. We all need people to lean on sometimes and just to listen to us. Take care and I hope the best for you whatever you decide to do.

Could it be adhd?
by: Anonymous

A lot of people suffer from adhd. A lot of the symptoms I see here go hand in hand with it. Just thought I would put my two cents in.

They seem like sociopaths, narcissists, they have no remorse when they hurt you. Even blame you for their problems & what they're doing. They need to cheat because they need the excitement in their lives. It's sick, I know. But it's true. Just read about it. You'll be very surprised. A few might survive living with them & loving them. But a lot can't.

I'm in between deciding right now. It’s very hard. It's a horrible thing for both the adhd'r & the partner that's with them. Trust me, it is.

You want to love them & you do. But the times their adhd comes out you will have major doubts that you can. It's the truth. It happens to both sexes too. Not just men. They hate themselves so badly, they don't believe that anyone can love them. They believe they should be alone all through their lives & not marry. That might be a good solution. But most don't take it. They go on to ruin others’ lives by starting to try to love them. Then when they tire of the boredom & the adhd sets in.....Disaster comes.

Not even married to this one....
by: Anonymous

I've lived with him for a good decade, but we found out that he has ADHD a couple of years ago and it has been HELL. He feels that all of his lies & cheating have been warranted because he can't control himself from the ADHD. Baloney. Recently he started sexting with a co-worker and after he promised he'd stop, cause I caught him dead on, I caught him calling her a lot but listed her number as a "male" so I wouldn't know. But guess what? I asked to look closer at this "male" friend and it was HER number, so I knew right away. I totally freaked out on him. Then she sends him birthday flowers to MY house where I live with him. He acts angry & says he's going to cut her out of his life for doing that? I wonder.

I saw him block her number, but he knows it by heart & so do I. When the flowers came, I took my cleaver & chopped the flower heads off, in front of him. And even though he threw them & the box out right away, I saved them because maybe I'll send the dead stems to her one day? That is.....if he doesn't stop calling her like he says he is. This time will be the "breaking point". If I catch him again, and especially with her, he will be kicked out on for sure.

He's been trying to go back to his "old self" with me, but it doesn't always work. He definitely has ADHD. And got to say that it's horrible. He's getting therapy but won't accept that I go to the therapist with him to work on "us". That hurts me a lot. But he doesn't seem to care. Part of his ADHD, I suppose?

But this "affair" of sorts has got to stop now. I know there are other ways he can keep it going, and I just have to keep my eyes open. Very open. I hate it that it ever existed or is existing. I should be able to trust him. When we were first together, he promised so well that he would NEVER, EVER cheat. LIES. All Lies. It seems that ADHD people cheat because they always need something new & exciting in their lives. It comes around about every 7 years or so. Like a mid-life crisis thing. It looks like it is, but it’s worse.

IF he would agree to work on US more, I could forgive more easily. But this is so hard. I'm trying, but the Trust isn't there. I wish it were so badly. I Love him, but it stinks not knowing whether or not he loves me?

I have nothing but the deepest sympathy for everyone who’s written on this site. Though my problems are different, they are still problems. I wish so badly, that I could fix him. But I know he has to do it himself.

If anyone has MY problem, please tell me how you get through it somehow. I really don't want to start over again. When he's in his right mind (so to speak) he treats me very well. So it makes it tough to throw him out. But this is pure torture in my life and may kill me for real. I have heart problems & breathing problems. I'm afraid to be alone. But please all of you, do not let yourselves stay stuck with a bad partner. Life is worth more than that. It may be a struggle for a while, but believe in yourselves and that you’re worth it. I pray for you all.

by: Anonymous

My ex was an abusive, mind raping, exploitive, jerk of a man! He never took accountability for anything. Nothing! Nada! Zippo! But, I had a choice; to either stay miserable stewing every day over how he pathologically lied without a care in the world, stole tons of $ from everyone and yet would get pissed off if anyone as much as borrowed one cent from him. He always caused chaos, drama, headaches, heartaches, misfortune for anyone or everyone that crossed his malignant narcissistic path - or get the heck out of that mess of a relationship and move on and finally be free and happy. I chose the latter.

He did nothing but cause pain to everyone. I got so sick and tired of hearing about how hard his life was, how broken he was, how life was totally unfair and wronged him, yet he never 1x ever saw all the garbage he caused everyone else, because that would require him taking a step back and looking at things from different angles instead of just his own self-serving parasitic needs. The constantly having to have blood tests done to make sure he wasn't out screwing around passing a disease on to me, his buddies and him always screwing around with other women, playing two or three women against each other to make him feel like a real man. In essence he was just an old dried up has been that never was (other than hurting others). I'm glad to be free of him! Hip, hip, hooray!

by: Anonymous

My husband had an affair a year ago and blamed me for his actions. He even had the audacity to introduce this co-worker of only 23 years old saying she is like a daughter to him (he 46). He was seeing her secretively and after speaking to some friends they were also suspicious of his actions. I hired a PI and confirmed he was sleeping with her. I have never imagined my husband to be a cheater but he almost feels vindicated because I am such a bitch that I forced him to have an affair.

He did come clean but it took him a couple of months to decide if he wanted to divorce, that was the most painful experience emotionally that I think I will ever have. When he decided to stay with me he still continued to work with her and that really bothered me... Finally, supposedly the girl changed shifts agreeing they could not work together on a professional level.

I still wonder when he has these abusive moods that maybe an affair is being re-kindled at this point. He was super sweet the six months after the affair and now he appears more distant, angry, bitter, and constantly complaining about me to no end. He acted this way when he had his affair... Am I overreacting? I swore to myself that if he cheats again I will not allow myself to be treated poorly like this.

We have 2 adopted children together but had a house full of 6 kids; 2 were his, 2 were mine, and then the 2 adopted children. I would hate for the children to have a broken family and my youngest daughter along with all the children were exposed to his infidelity and my youngest and my own children are very protective over me. What worries and bothers me still however is how he has no remorse, blames me, and when he is angered (usually when he drinks too mulch) will comment that he should have chosen her, why did he pick me.... It resonates in my mind like a drum! Any thoughts, suggestions, or advice?

RE: Serial Adulterer
by: Enough is Enough!

23 years of your life. I understand completely. I have spent over 32 years of mine. I feel like a fool, like a victim, like I should have been stronger and walked away sooner. Like maybe I messed up staying because I had a child and thought he needed us to stay together but in reality he didn't need that at all. Like a coward for staying with a man who blatantly disrespected our marriage, like a desperate woman who felt she couldn't do any better, like a woman who was afraid to face the world without him.

I have filed for separation and the papers have been drawn up and I have Ok’d them but he will not sign them. He keeps asking me if this is what I really want even though he is 60 and has a girlfriend 33 on the side. He knows I know this because I finally got wise and tracked him and also hired a PI because this man will lie to Jesus himself (I don't mean this in a blasphemous way) but to make a point as to how far he will go to in order to protect himself and keep his lies going. I continue the fight and believe you me... it is a fight to the end. These kinds of men either discard you overnight or want to hang onto you forever while they do what they want to do on the side. Either way it is hurtful, humiliating, and shameful (not for them of course) because I honestly don't think they have the ability to feel shame.

Serial Adulterer
by: Anonymous

After 23 years of living with infidelity I am calling it quits. A year after we got married I found out that my husband had a habit of going to massage parlors which carried on right after we got married and has continued till now. This was coupled with pornography and dating websites. He says that it is not cheating because it is not an actual affair!! He says it is just a physical thing!! The pain of the betrayal is no less painful than if he had had actual affairs. It has devastated me and I wonder why I have stayed all these years. But I realize that I took my marriage vows seriously and with a young son involved I tried to forgive and move on each time I found out. But it is not going to stop because a leopard does not change its spots and unfortunately for my wellbeing (mentally emotionally and spiritually) I have to walk away from this destructive and selfish behavior. The emotional roller coaster has begun.

Hiding behind his badge
by: Anonymous

I was not married to this man but I am heartbroken and left with nothing. After falling head over heels for him he talked me into moving in with him. I was in love so I did. On one of our earlier dates he told me he did cheat on his ex-wife, but it was because the marriage was broken and she wouldn't be intimate with him. I was understanding because I’d never dealt with this type of thing. He was 15 years older, but I didn't care. I loved him anyways.

So we were happy for about 10 months and he talked about marriage and children with me. About 10 months in he started changing. We would go on dates all the time and then I couldn't get him to commit to anything. He was a state trooper and would stay out all day and come home late, ignore me, and yell at me until one day I asked him to talk. He then blamed me for how he was testing me. Then he asked me to move out and that we were done. Another week passes and he is wonderful again.

But then I get a weird message on Facebook from a lady who needs to talk to me. I ask him if he knows her he denies it. Then at his Christmas party (which he did not want me to attend), I walk in and he is sitting next to her at the bar. He makes a scene and says I'm checking up on him. I put it together later that it was her and it did happen to be my family’s Christmas gathering that he refused to go to. So I messaged the other woman only to find that they were seeing each other for 4 months.

I was devastated. I talked to him about it and how that woman truly is evil. She was harassing me and making threats to me. He did nothing BTW. So then I decided to forgive him and move on. I saw much more positive than negative in our relationship. I told him I'm not doing this again though. So we are back to being happy like we were in the beginning, but the other woman is still posting stuff about me on there. I questioned him but he denied it.

So months roll by and I'm noticing he is back to being mean, ignoring me, won’t look at me, yelling. Not coming home right away. He forces me to go to rehab for alcohol and I did, but when I was gone I got a weird feeling. I came home he was mean times 20 and her Facebook is loaded with stuff about him. I question him again and he denies it. Then I drove past her house because I wanted to know when she lived. Sure enough he’s at her house but he said he's at his friends. I called him out on it.

We talk later and he said they were just talking, but then at this point I'm angry because this is the same nasty woman. Then when I was there 2 nights in a row he takes her out and kisses her. Then kicks me out! Everything I owned I had I put into his house. So I ask him kindly to not to bring her there until I get my stuff out. He says not a problem. Couple days roll by and I talk to him and I want to make this better but he still won't look at me. He then tells me he was sleeping with her too. I drive by the next day and her car is at the house. I was very mad and I went to the door to talk to him. He won't let me in and says come back at three.

Now yesterday I was served a PFA and everything he promised me was a lie. I am now homeless, I can't get my belongings, I lost my job because I went to rehab and when I came back they let me go. I'm so hurt and I have never had a man do this to me. I'm so hurt that I'm finding it hard to do anything. Oh and I found out that he cheated on his ex-wife their entire marriage and on all his ex-girlfriends too. What a jerk and now I might have a PFA and I'm not violent whatsoever! But no I couldn't file anything against the other woman. How could I get so wrapped up in this? It’s just a web of lies, deceit, and no respect for me.

Life after Death of a Marriage
by: Anonymous

This is to all women of valor who have put up with devious men at one time. I too have been scorned by a man who cheated all through our marriage, financially devastated me and poisoned my son against me with secretive money and no rules. I held on to marriage because I thought I had no place to go. I finally got divorced after 35 years and have not looked back. I am not financially sound but my social life is great due to divorce support groups and "meet up" groups. Look up "meet up" on the internet. It is a wonderful website with groups around the world. I do not date for trust reasons but I have found single and married women and men friends who have common interests. You don't have to be lonely.

Definitely NOT all alone
by: Anonymous

I completely understand where you are coming from, it feels that way; but it's never too late to leave. Start fresh, start a new you....just think how exciting it would be...a new you. Meet a "real man", one that thinks the world of you, one that you deserve.

When you leave...say this to him, 'I've done my jail sentence living with you for so long, and cheated myself out of a real man. You know...something you'll never be!'

Anyone who says or believes that they need a medal to put up with a person who doesn't deserve you!! And they know it...that's why they say what they say, and treat you with no respect so that you won't leave.

See just like you, I’ve dated bums, jerks, etc... And I’m 39 yrs old and would love to have's never too late. Let me tell you one thing I’ve're never alone, and your Mr. Right is waiting for you to leave this jerk...Trust me! :)

I became a master at pretending
by: Anonymous

My husband of almost 32 years has cheated (from the best I can tell) from year one. I got the first phone call about him cheating within two years of the marriage. Of course he smoothed it over and talked his way out of it. I was a happy newlywed and thought he was too. So I let it go. There were no names mentioned in the phone call.

As time went on there were more and more clues, indications, and out-right in your face evidence (but by now we had a son that meant more to me than life itself). So once again I would tell myself he wasn't really doing anything, maybe I was being overly jealous, being suspicious and so cautiously sat back and continued to live life doing all of the things married people do. I became a master at pretending.

Long story short... it is 32 years later and I am divorcing this piece of crap once and for all. I am fed up...done...completely over his lies...his deceit... This man is a loser! Why has it taken me so long to muster up the strength to go through with this? Like most women… the fear of being alone, wanting to keep the family together for the children, afraid of not being able to make it financially on my own. But now, come hell or high water, I am out of this nightmare. Thanks to all of the others who have shared here on this site. It so helps to know others have experienced this type of man and marriage and that I am not alone.

Narcissistic Bastard
by: Denise L

I was married 29 years. I put my dreams and career on hold to put him thru school. I raised 4 children. He cheated on me after our second child was born. I forgave him because he claimed it wasn’t a sexual affair but emotional. Also our son was born with Hemophilia, a life threatening very expensive condition to manage.

The next 20 plus years were OK but never great. He was always emotionally unavailable, distant, cranky and thoughtless. I was so busy catering to him and raising the kids that I allowed myself to be abused. He lies, he cheats, and he rants and raves. Everything is always my fault. He devalues me.

Until one day 7 months ago, I found a dating app on his phone. That was the tip of the iceberg. He's been soliciting on Craigslist for gangbangs, 3 ways, etc., everything and anything. He refuses to apologize. Blames me for this. Claims he has every right to do this because he wants what he wants. Claims he never actually had sex with anyone else. However there were 7 different email accounts including an Ashley Madison account for cheating married people and he sent out solicitations daily on each account. He had replies and was actively corresponding with these people.

I have moved out with my 2 youngest and had to rebuild my life. We haven't seen a lawyer yet but he is actively introducing his new gf to my kids. Posting about his dates on fb and so is his gf. The gf doesn't know about Craigslist but posts about how lucky she is to have him. Btw… she is 8 years older than me.

I am sick of his behavior. I hate what he has done. It has broken up my family and turned my life upside down. He has spent his life looking like the good guy, but at home he was anything but a good guy. I don’t get why anyone thinks this is acceptable. I am taking care of myself for the first time in my life and although scary, it feels right. At first, I couldn't hardly function but now I am actively pursuing a career and making a life for myself. I am glad I left the sob. I wish I would have stopped making excuses for his behavior years ago and just left. Just because he doesn't hit you, doesn't mean it's not abuse.

I feel bad for you
by: Anonymous

Hi Rose, I feel very sad for you upon reading your story. I hope you are getting counselling for this. Try looking up old friends, Facebook is one way of doing this; it had helped me immensely after separating from my husband. I have several questions that will never be answered as well. My ex also was very uncommunicative with me. Not sure if all men are like that or not. I am happier now that I am not with him but do get lonely at times. Linda

Cheaters never change
by: Anonymous

My ex, who is a CPA and lawyer, still owes me thousands of dollars even though our divorce has been over more than a year. He has defied the courts and violated the divorce decree. I do not have the money to take him to court and he knows it.

I had not heard from my ex for several months when on my birthday (I'm sure on purpose) he contacts me and demands to pick up something of my adult son's that he and my son left behind more than a year after our divorce. As far as I was concerned my ex had a lot of nerve to contact me about this since it was not on the list of things he or my son wanted at the time of the divorce.

My son has not spoken to me for years since I filed for divorce. I told him I felt the items were abandoned when he did not take them (they were in full view) when he had the movers here a year ago and anything left behind became my property to dispose of. He expects me to drop everything on my birthday and do what he says. I'm done being controlled by a narcissist. I'm sure he will tell his mistress and family that I am unreasonable, but they probably don't know of his secret life of lies, financial shenanigans and cheating during the whole marriage.

It hurts
by: Anonymous

My ex-husband abandoned me 10 years ago for someone 15 years younger. He was in Recovery as was she, and she developed an attachment to him as a sponsor/mentor. We actually hosted her at our home for dinner more than once. Over course of a year or so, he began spending more and more time with her - but when I became concerned, he repeatedly assured me there was nothing going on. He made me feel guilty for not trusting him, said that he was only helping her work through her problems (which included having had previous affairs with older married men- among other things), and he even would cry to me how sorry he was that I was worried and begged ME not to leave HIM over this.

Then one day he said he had been lying all the time, and was leaving me for her. He walked out and moved in with her that night, told me all bills related to the house were now my responsibility. We were almost flat broke at the time that he left, so I was left living hand to mouth which I'm still doing to this day. From the day he left, he cut off all communication w/me, wouldn’t talk to me except thru lawyers. Nothing has ever, or will ever be the same.

Taking responsibility?
by: Anonymous

My husband can say the words "I take full responsibility for my actions", but that's all he's doing-mouthing the words. The way he acts towards me -he's not sorry for anything he's ever done and it wasn't his fault anyway.

There seems to be a pattern or two I see in these is all the unanswered questions we get left with to answer for ourselves....I can fill in the blanks with some pretty colorful words myself most likely worse than reality but he never corrects me. He lets me think whatever I want.

I've asked him if he had ever thought about how what he was doing would affect me. He answered "I would think about how things would affect you all the time. I thought about that a lot." Then when I ask him to elaborate on that and tell me what was it that you thought about me? How did you think I would react? I get the silent treatment. So I claim if he thought about how I would react once I heard about his sick, low-life , back stabbing ways he KNEW how much it would hurt me and ya know what?...he did it because he WANTED to hurt me as much as he could.

I told him I wanted to give his knife back to him but first I had to pull it out of my back. They are soooo immature like little 9 year olds who are impressed with themselves when they pretend they're grown men. Then there's the poor me game it wasn't my fault. I have to go. I'm sick now.

Once a cheater always a cheater
by: Anonymous

I have been with my husband for 15 years. We have two sons that are 12 and 11 years old. When I was in the hospital having our first son he didn’t come to the hospital with me. Instead he cheated on me with his ex. He came to the hospital the next night like he hadn't done anything, but I knew because I had my friend to go check things out. I had him thrown out of the hospital. I did not want to see him at the time. I got out of the hospital and it took him 3 weeks to even come and see his son. I asked him about the cheating (he lied), but I thought since we had a baby it would be best to get back together.

Well it took him 10 years to admit what he did and I still haven't gotten the whole truth and it’s been almost 13 years ago. Now he ignores me. We argue all the time because I found porn on his phone and he is lying about it, but no one else uses his phone. We have no sex life at all. I know he is hooked on this porn so I feel he has found a different way to cheat on me. I try to talk to him and he goes off big time and even leaves the house for 5 hours at a time. We live in a small town but he doesn't know anybody here. There isn't even a store here so I don't know where he goes. He says he is just walking. You can't walk that long in the cold and snow or rain. I think he has already found a woman to cheat on me with here too.

Same here
by: Anonymous

My husband cheated on me too. He was the only man I had ever been with. I gave him whatever he wanted. I forgave him, but now he is doing same thing just like her husband.

Mine has no remorse
by: Tanya

I found out quickly my husband was sleeping around. He has never said sorry or that he did anything kills me inside. All those unanswered questions, and yet he blames me. It's been 12 months and it doesn't get any easier. He keeps lying about how he found her. It pains me. I keep crying, trying to figure it all out and why he won't say sorry. He says to let it go or let him go. I just want an apology. Is that so bad? How do you trust someone who has no problem with hurting you?

Divorce is a good option
by: Anonymous

When I first met my ex-husband, he was fun and thoughtful. We dated several years before announcing our engagement. Although nice to me while dating, his mother hung up on us when we announced our engagement and his behavior towards me changed. He ran to her every time she called to say she was lonely. He backed her in every crazy thing she did to break us up. The signs were there but I ignored them and we married anyway.

When you have a queasy feeling that things are not right, it is a sign to reevaluate the relationship. We were not always happy and after 33 years together, I found out he had a secret life of lies and cheating since we were married. I felt betrayed and stupid not to know. I realized he was a narcissist who felt compelled to show a kind generous public side but at home he displayed an uncaring and thoughtless side. I accepted this behavior as a homemaker since I had no place to go.

Also hurtful was the fact that those enjoyable dating years were a farce. During the divorce, I found old letters while checking his office for our financial statements that he was secretly seeing his old girlfriend for several years into our dating relationship. When I had a miscarriage it was more important for him to attend this high school reunion party that day than comfort me. On another occasion he was too tired to drive me to the hospital for my surgery. He said we had to open a home equity loan to pay bills the same month I caught him donating lots of cash to impress some friends, gambling and found out he was buying his girlfriends presents.

He continues to have thoughtless behavior even after the divorce. I am still waiting for assets a year after the official divorce. He poisoned our son to ignore me at home with his no rules and here's cash for anything behavior. It shocked everyone when I filed for divorce but I have never been happier without both of them. It's like an awakening. Time does heal. Divorce was the hardest thing I ever went through but I can respect myself again.

Truly Pathetic!
by: Anonymous

Ladies, don't ever feel ashamed for being duped by these narcissistic sociopaths. Some of them are so smooth and cunning they could probably dupe the most highly trained FBI agents. They make a habit out of lying, that's their claim to fame. Lying is how they make their livings, how they get women, how they abuse their wives finances or vice versa (women that do this to some men).

My ex made it a HABIT of LYING, he LIED all the time! All the time! Porn subscriptions, fake accounts, countless e-mail accounts, credit card accounts, tried taking out equity loans without letting anyone know. Oh the games...he loved playing games. Games with other people’s lives, $$$, emotionally, financially. He loved playing the poor woe is me, feel sorry for me game too. It was always his parents fault, his bosses fault, my fault, his ex-wife’s fault, someone else mentioned that too.

They always want to blame everyone else!!!! It's true. How can a grown a** man not understand the concept that credit cards have to be paid back? Loans aren't FREE? Messing around with SINGLE gals while still married is WRONG! Touching women on their rear or brushing up against their buns is WRONG! He had to be told these things again and again. How can a grown man not know that lying under oath is against the law? Trying to open credit card accounts with his ex-wives name is against the law? He did it all over and over again and then played dumb about it all.

Having kids and not wanting to pay a dime. Wanting everyone else to rear and raise his children while he went and sat at bars playing around like he was still 18. What a complete and utter joke some of these so-called men are. Growing up and getting a real adult life is just too damn hard for them, so the best advice is to never date, get involved with, or especially tied down or married to one of these fools. If they act too grandiose, loud, cocky, full of themselves run for the hills. Take a ride to the other side of the state, stay away from them! They are only destructive, nothing positive comes of it!

by: Anonymous

Honey I am so sorry for you, so many children would LOVE to have you as their Mother.

I Thank God for Women Like You
by: Anonymous

I am not being coy. Your story reminds me of my mother-in-law. She lived with my family for about a year and a half. My husband reminded her of her husband so much that she sat me down to share some things. See, in my husband’s mind his dad could do no wrong and every time he missed an important event it was because he was working. But she let me know that most of the time he was not working but cheating on her. He gave STDs (one of which caused a still birth) and showed no remorse, affection, or empathy towards her. He treated her like a child--and that I saw with my own eyes. Even on the day he died, he asked for his mistress instead of her. She was bitter and mean, but she said it was because she stayed for 50 years. She should have left. Then she said she hoped it wouldn't turn out like that but if it did she hoped I was strong enough to leave.

Fast forward two years and my husband of 17 years is caught cheating. He denies, although I actually found his mistresses number and she was livid because she thought he was divorced, and just goes along. We go away for a weekend and I find the phone bill that shows him talking to her while I was asleep. He even planned to take her to a hotel after he slept with me the day before. I told him I knew and he proceeded to shut me down....he was tired and he would talk to me later. But he begged her for hours (on text messages I could read) to take him back. That was on Monday. I filed for a divorce on Tuesday. I am still incredibly hurt because he sent a single 5 line text message apologizing and his mistress keeps texting me saying that he is begging for her to come back and that we really are divorced this time.

Some men are just sociopaths. And it doesn't matter when you leave, you deserve every day of happiness you can get. And guess what, you have every right to half of his retirement AND pension AND social security. Get a good lawyer!!!!!

And again, thank you to the older women. His mother saved me from being bitter and resentful. Yeah I lost my youth, but at only 39 starting over is possible so I can move on and be cordial for the kids’ sake. And the 17 years I spent with him taught me to trust my instincts and be strong enough to let your ACTIONS tell people when their behavior is not acceptable.

My Jerk Ex: He Lied, Cheated, and Stole
by: Anonymous

I really can't take the pain anymore thinking about what my idiot ex did. He lied constantly, cheated, stole, manipulated, mind-raped, blame shifted. The whole damn marriage he wanted to be single!!! Why did he get married then?

Don't these men realize the damage they cause? Don't say "I DO" and play the role if you don't want to be married. Of course some of these men think it’s all happy horsepoo the first couple months of marriage; getting waited on hand and foot and catered to. Then when real life sets in, it's every excuse under the sun!

The economy causes men to drink and act out. Society in general has no morals. And because of so much wide spread porn on the net, these men think life is really like that. They act out their fantasies and yet wonder why they get slapped with groping or harassment charges!!! They think it's ok to flirt with carry or be sexual with any female within 2 feet distance of them. No boundaries!!!!! Then it was always his managers or bosses fault, then it was always his clients fault or my fault or other women’s fault or his families fault.

He claimed there was too much stress managing payments, insurance, kid’s health issues, issues with aging parent, work issues, client issues, how people act or drive issues. Never his issues though. It was always someone or something else keeping him from achieving success or his goals. Always his GOALS!!!! No one else mattered!

He made my blood boil! HE would flirt anytime he deemed fit. He would spend with abandon. He thought he was Mr. Hot Stuff. That was another thing; he always had to be center of attention! LOOK AT ME SYNDROME! Sick, toxic, vile, selfish, immature, mental capability of an immature 18 year old boy when he was darn near 50! Refusal to get out of Never Land and grow up! The women issues! Oh my God, he would constantly be bothering women and yet wondered why people started to question whether or not he was whacked or not? Cake and eat it too syndrome he also had.

These type of men should do the world, God, women, and society in general a favor and by all means don't get married, stay at home with their Mammies and have their Mammies cook, clean, and take care of them and go screw as many single women as they want, but don't bother wasting any decent woman's time getting married. They are incapable of growing up and realizing what true commitment and sacrifice are. Thanks for letting me vent!

You're no fool
by: Been There

The fact of the matter is, if he succeeded in cheating on you it does not mean you are a fool. It means he didn't deserve you in the first. When a man cheats it says far more about him than it does about you. It tell us he is a liar, a back-stabber, he has no moral compass, no conscience. It means he is willing to deceive you and he's not worthy of your trust. I says nothing about you, other than you are a trusting woman who loved someone who wasn’t deserving of her. Move on. Find a man who shares the same morals as you do. Don't be afraid to be alone if that's what it takes to be who you really are. Have faith in yourself and trust yourself. You deserve that!

Feeling used and hurt
by: Anonymous

I've just found out that my husband of 25 years cheated on me with our son's girlfriend. My gut instinct told me something was wrong, so I pushed for answers. My daughter in law told me they had sex once 2 years ago. My husband won't talk to me about it and if I try to talk about it he blows up at me. I've told him he has 3 weeks to talk or he's out the door. I can't believe the deceit and lies they hid for 2 years! I trusted them both and would have them together for parties, dinner, etc. I feel so stupid and foolish.

Tired of it all!
by: LJ

Glad to say I'm not the only one! Sad what some of these men do to others without 1 oz. of remorse or care in the world. My ex Spawn of Satan got off on ruining everyone financially, emotionally, and sexually. He wasn't happy or feeling "alive" or having some sort of "purpose" in life unless he was causing pain, chaos, destruction, mind raping someone.

It was pathetic. He cheated on his first wife, got bored with her, cheated on all his other wives. Expected women to cater to him sun up until sun down. Blamed everyone in society for his position in life. Was Mr. Big Business spender that is until a bill was do then he wasn't such a BIG SHOT. Womanizer, liar, drug addict, alcoholic, sex addict, financial addict.

Don't get me wrong I personally blame myself 50% for not waking up sooner, for being so co-dependent, for allowing it to go on and not getting serious and putting my foot down sooner. He did not respect authority, thought he knew it all, busted up marriages, screwed up other people’s businesses, went through countless business partners, and still thought the world and everyone in it revolved around him.

Truly pathetic, now since he is in his mid-40s and life is getting him by the balls now for all his wrong deeds he can't handle it. Again, it's everyone else fault. Poetic justice for narcissists...once they start aging, life gets harder, they lose their looks, charm, and $$$ starts to be harder and harder to come by, life has a way of biting them in the a**. Karma is for real. Not to wish it on anyone, but what goes around comes around!

Sleeping with the devil
by: Anonymous

I read all of these posts daily. I am in a situation where the resentment starts to hurt more than the emotional, violent, and verbal abuse. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years. I spent all of my 20s with him. I've lost jobs, friends, and I feel like I don't even know my family anymore.

Lying to everyone about my happiness and wellbeing is something that I've just grown so used to that I have forgot about the person I was before I met him. I'm now 31, I've had two abortions and I've met his parents maybe twice. All I have ever heard was, "Maybe I would bring you around my friends and family if you weren't such a psycho." My name is Courtney and his friends call me "cunt-ney" like it’s funny, and like I'm the one who is the abuser.

We decided to make things serious by moving in together last year. I was promised he would make this relationship real by including me into his life that is so secretive. None of this has happened. The violence, the ignoring, and the constant name calling is the only thing that has changed- for the worse. Last night he did not come home, he didn't even come home in the morning, he strolled in at 2pm looked at me and said "You are a baby for crying, and to talk to him when I turn 31".

I can't stop the crying; it hurts so, so bad. I am well aware that by now, this is self-torture. I know that he is a full-fledged narcissist and that he will never have feelings or empathy. I know that if I want to regain my life back, I have to leave him for good. I know that there will never be a right answer or reason that will ever take the pain of neglect, cheating, and emotional/violent abuse away.

I just need to know that I will be happy again, and that one day, this brutal man will not haunt my thoughts and will move out from the back of my head.

Not the only one
by: Anonymous

I understand your pain! My (wonderful) husband of 35 years, with whom I have the most wonderful daughter and grand-daughter now, began an affair with a tart. I had the fullest, happiest life and thought I was the luckiest woman on earth. Now he treats me with total disrespect and contempt. I am so angry with him, possible angrier with myself, and am finding it really difficult to move on as he has (and, I suppose I have) been dragging this on for 8 years. I want to kick myself in the butt!

by: Anonymous

Hi, I'm not married, but I have been in a relationship with the same man for 14 years. All he has ever done was cheat on me. He had 2 kids when I met him and now he has six (I’ve never met any of the kids). The most recent is 5 months old. Now that I'm fed up hurt and have had enough, he makes it seem like everything is my fault. I tried to deal with it like he wants me to, but I really think this is it. I'm no longer emotionally attached to him. He continuously talks down to me and makes me feel like I'm nothing. Lord knows I'm tired. Am I wrong for feeling like this?

Financial support for us older folks
by: Anonymous

In case you don't all know this- if you were married 10 or more years, you are entitled to receive SS benefits from your ex-husband based on his income. Don't confuse this with support, which can be affected if you remarry.

by: Anonymous

Why do they even get married?
All these stories are like reading about my life.
Men's selfishness is incredible.

Unfortunate Indiscretion
by: Phoenix

I can't help but wonder like so many others about the complete and utter lack of remorse.
I was married 38+ years - saw problems for several years but not the deal breaker of infidelity. Ex had episodic ED beginning in his late 40's - bummer for us both but he refused to talk about it - saying it was stress. Fast forward to when he was 60 - me/57. Started wondering if he might be cheating but because he was such a devout Christian – I pushed it aside. I even confronted him saying if he was caught cheating it was over (18 months before he was caught). He professed commitment to me, our marriage, God and Family right up until the day I hired a PI and caught his 61 year old self with a MOW of 38 in a hotel (she has kids our grand kid’s ages). During discovery I learned that he was putting it out there for any and all comers as he traveled extensively in his CEO Job. Pleaded the 5th even when watching the PI video of himself with MOW in hotel. We have 4 adult kids and 5 grandkids. One of which has inoperable cancer and is just 5 years old. He can't be bothered to visit her or help with son's mounting medical bills.
Ex demanded a jury trial, refused to offer settlement and vowed to leave me penniless without a roof over my head. I was a SAHM &W.
His Company intervened and insisted he not drag them into his marital misconduct because his officers and employees were being subpoenaed to refute his lies that we had not been married during the past 5 years of his employment. Easy enough to refute. I got a good settlement.
Moved in one of his OW the week the divorce was final. They are engaged and will marry 1 year to the day of the divorce being final. She is 35 - He is 63.
Lots of ashes for me to rise from, but by God's grace, I'm doing fine - my adult kids range from no contact with him - because he disappeared and resurfaced to invite them to his wedding, to one son who says he will not forsake his father even though his willingness to overlook his dad's antics has created stress between he and I as well as other siblings.
I just don't get how a man can walk away from a great life, grown kids, grandkids and not only never look back but when confronted by his adult son about his lies and affairs, his reply was "My indiscretion was unfortunate". Son quipped back, which one? And received no response. I filed for divorce - I was done. I've accepted the apology I will never receive. I've not seen him since then. He spent in excess of $700K for his attorney - I spent $300K in attorney fees and forensic accounting costs to find everything. No remorse, No guilt - About anything; but all set to begin his new happy life with a woman the age of our oldest child - without a prenup. Sounds like a lot of poo to fertilize his roses.

Men and Lies
by: Anonymous

I am thankful my divorce is now finalized. My ex lied to my son, the lawyers and the courts. He treated me like I didn't exist because he had his other girlfriends to soothe his rotten soul. He is devious, despicable and calculated. I am more upset with myself because I did see the devil in this man. I was charmed like all his other women. His secret life almost destroyed me when I found it out. All my friends say he will find his way to hell. I disagree. I have learned that the person with the free flowing money, better education and influence will win in the court system. Courts are not fair to the underdog. Money talks and that will never change. He was allowed to treat me like I was a nothing in the marriage. His claim of being "broke" as a CPA/lawyer were unfounded. He was able to keep from paying me maintenance. Since I had filed for a divorce 3 years ago he was able to convince his employer to reduce his salary by tens of thousands of dollars and they stopped paying him commissions, bonuses and raises.

I understand your pain
by: jim

I found this site by accident while looking for help getting past my wife's infidelity. I am and have been 100% faithful, but was not the communicator she was looking for. As a result, she found a man to start an emotional affair with.
It saddens me that so many of you have been hurt by unfaithful men. Being unfaithful is such a foreign concept to me and I too am looking for support. I am sorry for your pain, I feel it too.

Emotional infidelity
by: Living in hell in Pa.

I am 63 years old and in my 3rd. and last marriage. I no longer believe it is possible for a man to be faithful in marriage. I thought this time I had finally got it right, married a good guy, someone I could spend the "golden years" of my life with...boy was I ever wrong! My husband went on line, looked up a girlfriend FROM FIFTY YEARS AGO and they have rekindled their teenage love! Texts, phone calls, a new cell phone so I can't see how often they talk, letters, gifts, and now she is coming here to Pa from CA for a rendezvous this week! My husband has denied this is anything more than 2 old friends from the past reconnecting, but given all the clandestine measures he took to hide the relationship I am certain it is not so.

I have made it clear to him that I am in pain and cannot accept this situation; that it is killing me, but it has no impact on him at all. All he does is lie and lie, so I no longer believe anything he says. When I try to talk about it he becomes angry and turns it back on me. After several months of him telling me that she is just someone from his past, I gave him the ultimatum, her or me, and he still refuses to give up his long distance fantasy! But no, he says he doesn't want a divorce...that "she is just a fantasy"...fantasy or not, when my husband tells another woman that he loves her, and then tells me that they are "just words" I have to ask myself what else were "just words"? I have been married 15 years and I know I won't be spending the next 15 years with this cruel and thoughtless man.

Going through the same thing
by: Anonymous

I just turned 40. I met my current fiancée 2 years ago. Your scenario is literally the same emotional abuse I’ve endured to a T. For example, his ignoring what I say and disrespecting me. I have concrete evidence of affairs and still he denied it and avoids the situation and communication. He also cannot have children. I am fine and was considering adopting myself. He blames me for his misery and indulges in other relationships to hide his pain. I just ended it. Found a place and am moving out. He now has begun threatening me about leaving him. Thanks for your story I made me realize he won't ever change.

You are all beautiful and amazing women!!!
by: Anonymous

In short my husband of 10 years has 3 kids with his ex-wife, 1 child before we married and 3 kids (that I know of) to different women during our marriage. I didn't find out until the last one. I tried so hard to make things work, even opened up my heart to all his kids so that he can have a relationship with them. In my fight to save our marriage I also struggled with not being able to have a child of my own. But 8 years later my beautiful little miracle graced her way into my life and I wouldn’t change what I went through if it means missing out on this blessing. She was my light to bring me out of the dark pit I was in. It’s so easy for us to get sucked in because each and every one of the women in here have beautiful souls. We are forgiving and loving and have so much hope that things will be alright. Men cannot change if they don't want to and most of the time they don't because they are content with temporary pleasures that don't last, which is why they cling on to women like us for security. My advice is you have a great gift, use that power (Love). If you are strong enough to love someone that can hurt you then you can love you and your children much more. You are beautiful you are loved and you are not alone.

Men feel entitled
by: Anonymous

My divorce has been going on for 3 years. My husband would text his girlfriend while he was talking to me, and say he loved her loud enough for me to hear in the next room of our home. He is living with and spending lots of money on her, gambling, an apartment, parties, secret accounts.... and says he has no money to pay my maintenance which he withholds. The courts have wiped out his past dissipation of our joint funds so he doesn't have to repay me. I am so discouraged by his brazen lies to the court system and his ability to get away with it. Am I the only one experiencing this? I was a homemaker and married over 30 years with no career now. I feel lifeless and nonexistent. I don't believe I will ever know what it is like to feel appreciated and valued especially when I need to be protected by the courts from his corrupt antics.

It's a combination of many things
by: Rose

If my husband took responsibility for anything he did of a negative nature it would bigger than Columbus discovering America! He just can't do it. In his mind, (which is extremely small), he is perfect. He has no errors, flaws, imperfections, etc. so if anything goes wrong it HAS to be my fault. His mother still tells him how perfect he is!

Your comment reminded me of my birthday one year when he was with his sweetie but still in denial to me about it. I was going to spend my first birthday without him in over 40 years. I went to a hotel with my girlfriend and I went out to my car to call him, (like a jerk). Anyway I was crying on the phone to him. He told me to go to my room and cry there so nobody sees me and think's something's wrong! The man is filled with compassion; I'm telling you he is a piece of work. At our house if I cried in the bedroom alone, he would be in the family room and he'd get up and shut the slider door so he didn't have to listen to me. What a guy! I'm telling you God did NOT use the mold again, but Satan found it and glued it back together and used it himself!

Point is we are worth so much more than they want us to know. I am convinced my husband feels as bad as he made me feel! I told him all the time people who put others down do it because they feel so bad about themselves; if they make you look bad, they feel better because they compare themselves to you and they feel superior. Not sure if I got my point across there but their self-esteem is non-existent. They are empty inside. There's nothing there. They don't know who they are, what they think about anything, nor do they know how they feel about anything! Their answers will always be whatever the current or most popular view is. I kid you not! Try to pin your husband down with how he feels about anything serious in life. He will avoid answering by changing the subject or answering the question with a question. There is nothing inside I'm telling you! He's empty! He knows nothing about himself because he is nothing. That's how scared he is all the time-fearing you will discover his secret. He's scared to death he will be exposed as the fraud he truly is!!!!

I wish you the best! Remember it is always darkest before the dawn! Reach out to woman everywhere. You need their love and understanding. Keep putting just one foot in front of the other until you get where you’re going, your destination. Don't let him fool you anymore. Believe in yourself and listen to your gut feelings! Those feelings are there for a reason-to protect you from harm!! The same as your gut telling you to avoid contact with a pack of lions!! Listen to yourself and believe yourself!!

by: Anonymous

I am at my last straw with my 22 year marriage. My husband had an emotional affair and blames me. I wasn't the one deleting texts and calling her. She was my friend, but not now. I'm lonely and want to be happy. I've finally gotten mad and am showing it, but every time I end up being hurt physically. Now he won’t say anything to me. It's like we are roommates. Our children are now my first priority. He has always come first, but now he doesn't and you can tell he doesn't like it. I'm waiting on his next blow up. He never stood up for me when the woman he was texting and calling sent an email saying what a bit**. I was. Then he got mad, left and went to his parents, got drunk and broke his leg. No one let me know, not even his family (he wouldn't do anything about that either). I’ve cried so much with not even a hug. I slept in my car to avoid confrontation and when I came home the next morning I got cussed at again. Why does he hate me so much when he is the one that hurt us? He accused me our entire marriage fooling around on him. Not true. Also a friend of his bit my butt one night and he told me it was my fault. What kind of man can't stand up to anyone but his wife? I'm confused and I need to know what to do. I have no friends because of him plus I am embarrassed.

by: Anonymous

I recently got divorced because he was physically and emotionally abusive. A couple of days ago I found out that he was cheating on me while I was pregnant and maybe while I was going through a miscarriage. I always had an inkling about it but never questioned him as I was scared of him.

Why the blame game?
by: Anonymous

My husband of 20 years who never cheated on me started an affair with our 23 year old step niece that his brother raised as a child. My husband is 44 and yes has become narcissistic, self-centered and takes all his anger out on me. I have always worked, contributed to our marriage, and our home was immaculate. He spent over 45000 in cash and 70000 in credit card debt to support het drug habit. Ironically she and her boyfriend have scammed him for this money and electronics for 8 months now. She even threw him in jail and robbed him while in jail but he still wants her back and loves her. After talking to her for 2 months and still living with me he bought her a 7000.00 engagement ring that her boyfriend keeps in his pocket. What the Heck happens to MEN?

Punishment for being a wife and mother
by: Anonymous

I just found out the judge wiped out my husband's dissipation of our joint assets. This money was used for his girlfriend, gambling, porn and not paying me my full maintenance for a year in our final settlement established by her. I am in disbelief. Why do good things happen to bad people? He has a good paying job as a CPA and good health. One the other hand, I have no career (being a stay at home mom for many years), am older in age and in bad health with many medical bills. The judge gave him twice the assets than me and lowered my maintenance since he claims he's "broke" now. I am being punished all over again since I found out about his cheating and financial abuse. The laws need to change to protect us.

Glad to find this site
by: Anonymous

I have been married for 22 yrs., with 3 amazing kids and a good life. My husband was always somewhat self-centered, but I recently found out from him that over the last year and a half he was "seeing" an escort (that he thought was his girlfriend). He hid money in a separate bank account for her bills and himself, leaving me more than once with my rent not paid and my kids without money, all the while coming home EVERY night as if nothing were amiss. I don't know who he has become, or if he can change. I do know that since he told me, he has done nothing but tell half-truths and lies, and I have found out what I need on my own. His relationship with our kids has been destroyed; he has no empathy for me, only anger if I talk about it. I am heartbroken and lost.

Same old lies over and over again
by: Carolyn Buffery

My husband of 5 years cheated on me many times and abused me in every way possible. He left me 2 months and 10 days ago. I gave my husband everything and he just kept taking and coming back when he was bored with each affair. He has only said he doesn't know why he cheated. And he always blamed me for cheating, which I have never done. He always tried to make me believe it was my fault. He was always mad about something but always took it out on me. When I took my vows, I took them so serious and I just found out that he has been a serial cheater. I'm hurt, embarrassed, confused and I'm trying my best to stay strong to finally end my nightmare. I just can't believe how little he thought of me. He has no respect for me or himself. I will learn how to move on but he will never change. I wish he could feel my pain for just one day, and then maybe he would think twice. I have been reading a lot and it seems that he is narcissistic. No remorse at all. When he left he took everything. When we met he had nothing but the clothes he had. He will realize what he lost when He wakes up and he can't find me to lie to my face like he has since day one. I am finally going to divorce him and start to love myself again. It's my only choice. I can't wait for the day that I don't cry over something I never really had. I just found out tonight that he has been this way all of his life. I had no idea. But it helped me to realize it was not me that made him act this way. He was always this way.

Divorce is hard
by: Anonymous

I wrote earlier in this column about my cheating husband who has no remorse or apologies. He feels entitled to have sex with others. He not only abused me emotionally but financially too by secretly withdrawing his paychecks from our joint checking account. This account paid all my bills since I am a homemaker and leaving me penniless. It took months to get some money from the courts and he didn't care if I was on the streets after 39 years together. I was stupid and didn't know he was lying and cheating our whole marriage. He dissipates money on expensive vacations with his girlfriend, gifts, and a fancy apartment, has two cars now and gives my adult son anything he wants. He is a CPA and lawyer and he "made" a decent living before the divorce. Conveniently his salary has gone down tens of thousands of dollars and he petitioned the courts saying he is now broke and can't pay my temporary maintenance while "entertaining" his current girlfriend and her kids beautifully. He is always giving cash donations so he looks like a great guy in public but refuses to pay my court ordered house bills. People bow to him so he'll give cash for their causes, but the same man wouldn't give me money to remodel our house for the last 20 years. Family comes first. He gave tens of thousands of dollars to charity to look good, all the while complaining to the courts we don't have enough money for college expenses. Financially I am not doing well but he is so nasty that I am happy to get rid of him soon. We are complete opposites. He has found someone who shares his same "moral values". She struts around with him in our same social circle and we are not divorced yet. This girlfriend is not his first nor will be his last. The joke is on her.

I feel your pain
by: Anonymous

I understand. My husband and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary together and even went to Disney World to celebrate. When we get home, I found out not only has he been sexting a woman since August, but the woman was his ex-wife. The only children we have are dogs. When I asked him if he felt any remorse about what he done with her, all he could do was ask, "What does that have to do with anything?" Really? How about Everything.

by: Anonymous

I'm in the same mess!!!

Shattered heart
by: Anonymous

Wow I can't believe how many of these stories sound like my life. My husband cheated on me with a married woman that was his partner in his cousin’s wedding. Like 20 years ago he flirted with her. Back then we fought about it that day... Now almost two years ago I found out he had an affair with her, sexting her under my nose after we had made promises to each other to start fresh. This was before I knew the extent of his infidelity. I soon found out he was with her the night he told me he was going to some reunion with his brother on law and would be staying in a hotel that night. But I find out he met up with her there and expects me to believe him that he didn't screw her ... Yeah right!!! He expects me to move forward and get over it and not talk about it, because it pisses him off and I have to believe him nothing happened. But I soon found out a lot happened because that jerk left his Facebook open on the computer and his email and I saw it all. I'm still devastated and shattered. I'm lost and feel so alone...

We have 4 children; 2 are grown and the other two are 11 and 16. I tried to make it work, but he never truly wholeheartedly ever apologized for it. He says he will never get on his knees to apologize and I need to get over it. Now I find out I have some medical issues and he never wants to help me. He says “I'm not helping; you just need to cut back 50 percent.” He works 4 days a week for 10 hour shifts, but comes home and does nothing except sleep. I’ve loved him since I was 20. I'm 54 now and stopped working when our son was born with a heart defect. Now I feel I'm stuck because I haven't worked in 17 years.

I'm scared of dying alone. Thank God for my wonderful children The Lord has given me. My faith is deep and that's what keeps me going, plus my kids and grandkids. Why do men that cheat blame us women and expect us to be quiet and get over it. I can't and he won't let me talk about it. I have no friends because he drove them all away. He moved me away from my family. And his family hates me because he talked crap to them about me to make himself look good... :(

by: Anonymous

I’ve been married for 23 years two and have two children who are 21 and 17. His mom lives in a different Country and will not fly alone, so she comes here for 6 months and is then is home for 7 months. And my husband takes her and picks her back up ... I just found out that he has a child with his first cousin (the child is four years old). I’m feeling sick.

38 years and I also left a cheater/ SO SAD
by: Anonymous

I also have the same story after being married 38 years. Although I caught him cheating several time before throughout my marriage, I forgave him and moved on, never bringing it up. Why I accepted it is beyond me. I loved my family, 3 kids, and 6 grandkids. I loved hearing from people, "what a wonderful family."

Well, this most recent time being caught was not by me, but by my 12 year old granddaughter. This time I could not stay, I could not let my granddaughter know it is okay to be disrespected. I had to leave.
I am devastated, I was married at 18, and I never lived alone. I hate the quiet evenings, I cry every night.....WHY.....I miss my life, not him. But the HURT is still there and I want it to go away....Oh yes by the way, the other woman is younger than my children, he is 60 she is 31, how adorable......

Very there right now.
by: Debbie

I feel your pain and have an abundant amount of empathy. I have been married for 34 years and oh yea my husband cheated on me and shows no remorse. He blames me and yells at me if I bring it up. I could have written your note word for word.

I feel your pain
by: Anonymous

My partner and I had a son together. 6 months ago my partner cheated on me, and their communications stopped 2 months ago (I did all the effort). When I found out his affair, the woman was already pregnant. Then after a month, I found out that I’m expecting our second child. He was happy about it but continued lying to me by still seeing that woman. He always tells me it’s in the past and I should move forward and just forget about it. But it’s not that easy, especially when I accepted him back many times and he didn’t make any effort to change.

My own
by: Anonymoussad

I need some answers please. I’ve been with my partner for 20 years. I’m 42 and he’s 46, and we have 4 kids together. He’s always worked away but right up until about 5 weeks ago, he started to act very distant towards me and our children. I knew something was really wrong when he couldn’t look at me when speaking to me. I confronted him and asked if he was with another woman because my gut was telling me he was. He said no. Then he told me things would never be the same between us. I asked why you are saying this and he said I don’t know. So I told him if you don’t want to be with me I can’t force you to stay, then just go but he didn’t. He said we can work this out, so that lasted for 3 days until I went into his phone and found messages from a woman. He went mental and left but there was another number belonging to another woman on his phone also. I do believe the affair with the first woman is over so has he fell in love with the other woman and is this why he tells me he is never coming back to me. I’m in shock as I never thought this would happen to me I haven’t seen him in 2 months and he hasn’t contacted me. Pleas reply back I JUST CANT FIGURE THIS OUT

The ceremony so called marriage
by: Anonymous

It really saddens my heart to read the story of women who have been victims of infidelity. I know the pain and suffering especially at times when you would remember how you have been lied to and betrayed by a person who committed to spend his life with you, till death part your ways, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, in a ceremony so called marriage.

I'm separated from my husband since last year. It was hurtful as my plans are all anchored on him and I could not see myself growing old without him. Yet, I could not do anything anymore as he decided to leave our humble abode.

I don't know if our marriage would get annulled as I am not allowed by our church to get an annulment because we believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment and it is not only a covenant with your spouse but more so, with God.

Hence, I don't know what would happen to me next. Yet, I’m looking for what God has planned to do in my life. Let His will be done.

Merlot cont'd
by: Anonymous

It is now the Holiday Season.
I filed for "D" June 1. It is not finalized.
Anytime his attorney asks for papers he procrastinates??
He is still with the skank that is now entering into our Business affairs...
Be on your toes ladies... It took me three months into his relationship. Within those three months I slept with him not knowing... October I had an outbreak... Can you guess what it is? …The Herpes virus. Thank you skank and thank you husband to be. Now my child won't kiss me good night (shows up on my chin). He says it wasn't him! It must have been my imaginary lover... but he won't get tested, I did blast him...
The attorney knows about him being added to the infidelity.
Doesn't help the outbreaks and the moving on without further scorn… Never an apology... TRUST your intuition lady's and be aware of what they can bring home to you.
I am livid and told my attorney to go for the juggler.
I'm a sweet, kind, caring person who has been taken through the mill. Please don't let this happen to you. Trust your gut early on and get out. A narcissist will never change.

Not Just Males
by: Man

Ladies, selfishness is not tied to gender. Yes, some males are selfish jerks. I say males rather than MEN. Real MEN do not cheat on their wives. Real MEN take responsibility for their actions.

Some females are selfish b...... My wife is the poster child for the group. I picked her and I had children with her. At times I feel like my life has been wasted. At times I want to get away and start over. The only real peace I have is when I am not around my wife. My best times are when I am with friends or family and my wife is not around. Our children are now adults. Maybe it is time to kick her to the curb. What do I do about that vow I took 4 decades ago?

Again, selfishness knows no gender!!!

by: Anonymous

Men are men and very few are good at heart. I have experienced what some of you have in a 4 year long distance relationship with a man who won't stop seeing and hanging out with his exes. He thinks he is normal and has no attachment and one minute he wishes to marry me, and the other minute he wants to have me move on without him so he can maintain these bonds. Today we have the feminine chauvinistic men and they act all sweet and caring to women but wish to have women hang on them. These men have a narcissistic personality and they will hang around women who do not care if they are in a committed relationship or not, as long as they (as women) get attention and what they want from him. We also have to blame women that do this to other women. I remember a close guy friend of mine who used to hang out with women friends and his girlfriend felt jealous- he said it was her insecurity and kept doing this to her. I then stopped seeing him alone without his girlfriend and said that if I cannot spend time with him and his girlfriend then I should not be spending time with him alone because it hurts her- so that is what I did. I did not keep the friendship going to be selfish but let the friendship transpire because a partnership of 2 is special and that bond is worth considering for their sake. My friend and partner are very feminine guys and act caring, etc... But they are still abusive. They have many friends too, but say things behind their partner's back to make themselves feel better and so that people believe that they are all good!

Husband cheated during whole 36 year relationship
by: Anonymous

I have been married for 32 years and found out a few months ago that my husband has cheated on me throughout our entire marriage. He has maintained a secret life and I am so upset and humiliated by this. He blames the affairs on me and continued his charade even after he told me he wanted to work on the marriage and stay together. I found old love letters to a college sweetheart and realized he was still seeing her and contacting her years into our 4 year dating relationship. I found letters from many other women telling me he was writing and calling them during our marriage. They commonly said I miss you and you were great to be with. I recently found out for the past four years he has initiated contact on Facebook with many old high school girlfriends and women classmates and chased a women at work that is 25 years younger than him. I can only image the other affairs I haven't caught. It was so hurtful to see his romantic and sexual remarks on Facebook, a public forum. I also feel like a fool and like the rest of you don't know who I married. Women are crazy for him. He has such a good guy facade at work and with his friends but has emotionally abused me our whole marriage. I have been conflicted since I still love him, but it is so painful. He does not think there is anything wrong with his behavior. He thinks he's charming. He has no remorse. He wants a dutiful wife to take care of the home and continue his relationships. He won't stop. I believe it is time for me to leave even if it hurts to do so. We both need to be set free.

Sounds like a - "Sociopath"
by: Anonymous

I was only married for less than a year and he cheated on me. Your story sounds like mine.

I have been going through counseling and he has displayed all classic Sociopath signs. Please google it and see.

He looked good on paper.

Going through crap now
by: Merlot

Finally heard my husband tell me he is having an affair with a married woman. I obviously guessed the affair. We have a 15 year old son that has for the most part lacked a father because if his traveling. I'm alone a lot with the business, school, sports, while my husband enjoys his work and travel. Well for the past 5 months he has been cold, no sex, a real Jekyll and Hyde. I have been extra, extra kind and considerate to his moodiness and finally blew yesterday and found out about the other woman and told him that they were both home wreckers and he was scum-ball. He called in the evening to tell me he couldn't come home after what I said and that he would see me at work on Tuesday... He had to sort things out! Again, here I sit waiting again. For the summer I am moving to the city with my son so he can continue lessons and we could be closer to school and have a little fun. I think this pissed my husband off, since he wanted to leave.

I am totally shattered, scared of my future since we own a business together and work it together. This has been my job for 15 years... When he got back from his last trip he told me he didn't want to be home around me. Is it me or is he wanting to be with the married woman? My self-esteem is so low now, even though I know I am a great lady, I am so shattered and my heart hurts so badly. But how can two married people do this and not care about their families. I'm shocked by who I am married to now. I thought he has scruples and class... How could I have been so stupidly blind! I can't stop thinking of all the aspects of this. Him not thinking of our son, him hating me, touching her, screwing up the business to get me out if it... Am I paranoid or what!

Agree with anonymous
by: Queenie

Yes it is disgusting. Men are pigs. It is selfish and wrong.

Just disgusting
by: Anonymous

You are all suffering from emotional abuse at the hands of these narcissistic mid-life crisis abusers. NEVER put up with this behavior. Get some self-esteem and self-worth and dump these A HOLES NOW! I'm so sick of men doing this to women. It's disgusting. My husband went through a mid-life crisis and did the same thing. He shopped for whores for a year while using me for my love and companionship until he got a bite on the line. Now my heart is torn to pieces and stomped on and I don't know if I can ever trust another man for the rest of my life. I'm just now going through divorce and I put a restraining order on the bastard too. I'm cozy in our house that’s going into foreclosure and I'm moving on with my life. He stabbed me in the heart and then tried to blame me for it. He's insane, he's a boozer, and he’s an abuser. This is abuse; there's no other word for it. I'm never going to put up with it again. The idea of what diseases these whores (including the husbands) are spreading is absolutely disgusting. Luckily, I never slept with him after he stepped out on me so I have no diseases, but I feel sorry for people who have been with someone who was with these moral less whores. It's just disgusting. Men are pigs, disgusting pigs.

Infidelities and Lies
by: Anonymous

Infidelities and lies go hand in hand. I have spent decades married to a cheater. Each time he got caught he said it didn't mean anything. Each time he pointed out that I was the one that with the problem by making a mountain out of a mole hill. Let’s just move on and forget about it, he would tell me. My therapist suggested that I look up "Sociopath" on the internet. What an eye opener! I found an exact description of my husband's personality. Sociopaths have no sense of remorse, shame or guilt. Here are just a few of their characteristics: problems sustaining lasting relationships, manipulate others to achieve selfish goals, air of self-importance, display of human emotions unconvincing, quick to blame others for their mistakes, quick to lose their tempers, easily bored, charm is superficial, etc.. A sociopath cannot change because there is no conscience and no remorse.

by: Anonymous

All I can say is ditto......same story. He left and supposedly it was my fault. He won't talk and lives in a fantasy world.

My Story Written by Others
by: Anonymous

In reading all the comments I feel that someone wrote out MY life to a T. My husband of 30 years is an attorney; has had multiple affairs and continues to put me down more times than I can remember. I have a strong will to move one and whether with him or without. I am forcing, literally forcing myself to think about "me" now. We are still under the same roof, but he is turned off because at 54 years old, he wants his 25 year old wife back...amazing because he had his first affair when I was 25. Yes, he has aged and no he is not the young guy anymore either. These men are great at making excuses for everything and they don't want to talk to us. They prefer that we leave them alone. Mine is more concerned about the finances and what it will cost him. I accidentally left this website open, he saw it and literally seemed shocked and surprised and went so far as to ask me "Are we getting divorced?" Tell me what is going on. Hello??? I cannot tell you how many times in the past 6 months he has told me he wants a divorce and there was another woman he was involved with. Once she dumped him for someone else; he decided he wanted to work on our marriage. He claims that it has nothing to do with being dumped. Since I do NOT trust him, I don’t believe anything he says I have been in my car just driving around, in such a fog and in so pain. I rely on my friends, something he doesn't have because he is mean and very sarcastic. He talks to our sons' 27 and 23 and I have begged him so many times not to talk to our sons. It’s wrong and it is what is nailing the coffin shut. None of us are alone, in looking back, there were so many times that I was "alone" during our marriage. Did any of you feel alone during your marriage? The verbal abuse is up there with talking to our sons'. Life is too short and if we can't work on being happy together, I need to move on, I hear divorce is worse than death and I think I have been putting it off for that reason and that reason alone. I wish ALL of you the very best and I have to believe that our pain and loneliness will pass with time.

Not alone, I am in same boat
by: Queenie

Narcissism and Self-importance, selfishness, likes secrecy, doesn't want to be questioned. He feels he is right. The coward won’t even talk to the husband of the woman he is cheating with. Their daughter even called my husband crying and begging him to leave his mother alone, that he was destroying her family. This didn't even deter my husband. My husband changed his phone number. He even went so far as to have a friend of mine pretend to be me to talk to the husband. She is no longer a friend to me. However, the husband, being distraught, continued to contact her (served her right for getting involved) anyway. She told my husband to make it stop. So the upstanding jerk that he is.... emails the husband from one of his fake email accounts to tell him to stop contacting his wife. That it was just upsetting her and he couldn't deal with the stress of that and his Mom's cancer. I must say... this all happened a year before I even knew anything was wrong......... and his mom does not and never has had cancer. Somehow my soon to be ex-husband feels he was justified. He has no remorse for his actions or the many lives he has destroyed. Sick of feeling betrayed and made a fool of.

Infidelity stinks
by: Anonymous

My husband of 27 years also was having an affair and wouldn't talk about it. I'm pretty sure the lack of remorse and unwillingness to talk are caused by 2 things - 1) His mid-life crisis and 2) narcissism. Those two together are a bad combination. I am like a penguin - he has filed for divorce and I'm still lamenting and wanting him back - I really meant my vows. He's happily moved on (or so he thinks until the newness wears off) and wants us all (my 3 kids, his parents, and me) to be happy for him and to someday understand. Meanwhile our 16 year old son is left fatherless at a really important time in his life. I am trying to be strong, but I feel so weakened and sickened by it all. I have marched on and kept busy, but I can totally understand the women who don't get out of bed for days/weeks/months. It was like we went from happily married to being amputated from his life overnight. He is starting to text our kids with really fake messages, as of late. "Your mom tells me you are being her strength, I'm so proud of you, my friend," he texted our 16 year old. I never said anything like that - he was trying to sound connected to entrap our son in his sick new life. Our son is going to write a letter stating that he wants to live with me and see his dad on his own terms only. No, you're not alone. Unfortunately there are millions of us out there.

You are never alone
by: Jeannette

I know it feels like you are alone but you are not.
I was married for 27 years only to find out he had been with other women for years. Like you I am older. I am 64, too young for Medicare and I am no longer on his insurance. Our divorce was final so now I must get insurance for myself. It is not easy and I do not want to talk to my friends. Some things are personal. Like you I have never had the privilege of having children. At first I sometimes I do feel alone, but there are so many women just like us.
My husband (like yours) is not willing to talk about anything he has done. That is the part that is hard for me. He says it is in the past so get over it. Yet he gave her thousands of dollars that I thought we were going to use for retirement. Now I have to go and find a job at this time in my life.
Hang in there and you need to start a life of your own. I know it is hard but I also know we can do it.
They do not deserve us for one more moment.

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