Sexual orientation issues

by Sandra
(Indiana)

The whole time we have been married, there have been issues with infidelity, sexual problems, and even sexual orientation. Early on in our marriage my husband encouraged me to try "Swinging". I did this reluctantly, but he has always pushed things until I gave into him. I continued for years to be uncomfortable with this but did it anyway. Then I found three different times that he either had an affair or wanted to have an affair with women.

At that point I stopped loving him and did not want to let him control me any longer. Feeling at the time that I could not leave for my kids I stayed in the marriage. I ended up having affairs myself after I found out about him and then kept getting more and more unhappy. I tried to file for a divorce, but my husband made my kids and my life so miserable that I went back to him. I am still unhappy and just don’t know what to do.

Comments for Sexual orientation issues

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Narcissistic xdresser
by: Carlie

I "woke up" (as my therapist put it) and told him I couldn't live like this anymore and asked for a divorce. He had emotionally and verbally abused me for 5 years and he ignored me while making himself into a woman at home. He said he at least wanted to start therapy and asked that I stick with over the summer for support and he'd give me a divorce in fall. Boy that was a huge mistake. The abuse grew 100 times worse and in fall he stopped therapy (I think he was lying to his therapist anyway) and said this, "I'm fine, I don't know what YOUR problem is."

Now, nearly 2 years later, we are divorcing. He's burned my clothes, is trying to set me up to take my son 50 percent of the time, made numerous false allegations and will not stop until he's ruined me emotionally, physically, and financially. Don't trust ANYTHING they say! They will lie and manipulate and not care while they're doing it.
From the other side
by: Joy

Hi. I'm 6 years into my marriage, and my husband has agreed that separating/divorcing is the solution to our problem. We care deeply for each other, but I can't engage in intimate relations with him. I have PTSD from past trauma and simply can't bear touching, much less sex.

I encouraged him to consider making the marriage an open relationship so he could find someone he could be with, ideally someone he could love as he loves me. He in turn encouraged me to figure out if I would do better with someone of the same sex.

There are other issues, but this is the central one. I feel a ton of guilt that I married him, but I honestly believed that my past wouldn't be an issue. It became obvious that I was happier the less sexual contact we had.

We've helped one another grow as people. He's helped me ground myself, learn to speak up and defend myself, and break through the shell of trauma to get help. I'm more stable, but it's only made it clearer that I can't engage in sexual activity. For him, I gave him encouragement to get an education and find a career that suits him. Helped him build credit, get out of his mom's house, and improve his health. He's begun to value himself.

For financial reasons we plan to continue to share this apartment for another year. But it is hard for me to accept that on a day that I need his help cleaning house (management's coming to do an inspection), he left at 2 in the afternoon and came back at 11 at night because he was talking to a woman.

I want him to find happiness, but is it unfair of me to be upset that he abandoned me to do all the cleaning while he happily walked, talked, and had dinner with another woman?
Encouraged to lead an open marriage lifestyle
by: Erin

Is this common? I told him I was bisexual from the beginning. He encouraged me to be in same sex relationships. These relationships led to some years being pretty miserable in our marriage, but overall the 20 year relationship with him was mostly good, in my opinion. Towards the end of the marriage he wanted me to be monogamous to only him. I agreed, hoping we could save our relationship and family. In the end, he wanted a divorce although I filed for it first. I wanted to end it as quick as possible, now I am changing my mind. I gave up a lot to get through the divorce and now a month before the final judgment, I want to recant my previous decisions and contest the divorce.
Me Too!
by: Megan

Sandra, you just spoke my story! I lived the same life as you and have two children. There was drug abuse in the mix too. I finally got out. My husband threatened me with a gun, threated me with suicide and he still gives me grief, but I am so happy and free. When the pain of staying becomes greater than the pain of leaving, you will know the time is right to get out. You can be strong and you don't have to be manipulated.

My divorce was granted by default a month ago because he failed to respond. May you find peace and happiness and the life you deserve!
My Husband has issues also
by: Pamela

He has declared himself as a transgender. We will have been married for 20 years in December and this is a second marriage for both of us. He has a daughter from his previous marriage and his ex-wife left him for another man. My former marriage ended peaceably.

He verbally abuses me and blames me all the time. One and half years ago he declared he was a transgender and now dresses up in female clothes and wants to go public.

He is a retired professional (63 years) and I am still working at 57 years old. We have no children thankfully from our marriage, BUT I married him because I wanted to try for children. He refused to have kids. And only now I know the reason why.

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