Covert abuse

by Sarah C
(San Marcos)

My marriage was destroyed by escalating covert abuse. What do I mean by that? It’s like everything seems perfect from the surface and outsiders don’t realize that anything is wrong. Over the years, he undermined me in so many ways and made a lot of promises which he never kept. This man is a lawyer, a pillar of the community, but he was a liar at heart. He negated everything I did for my children, with a particular flair of telling them he paid for everything (a lie), and started to re-write history regarding his history with them (he did not parent whatsoever).

But the worst thing was that it culminated in bouts of "gaslighting", where he was telling me I did not agree/talk/chat regarding decisions/events etc. He then started spewing to my children I should be committed as I "was crazy" and even attempted to chock me to death in front of them. He refused to apologize.

Then the day came my son started hitting me and I found (after the 3rd time - twice I ended up in hospital) my husband providing a celebratory breakfast with my 18 year son, and I could not even walk properly because of the injury and footprint left on my back by an 18 year old man) and hearing the words "she is a liar" and a "hypochondriac".

I rang Woman's Aid, cried my eyes out, and made the decision that husband had to go. I realized he was grooming my son to kill me! My son refused to go for counseling and refuses to acknowledge he hurt me physically - and now tells people that because I did not prosecute him - it was all a lie! I was smart enough to set my boundaries - and both are out of my life!