Ending a marriage is heartbreaking and unpleasant, but there can also be silver linings in divorce if you choose to look for them. After the dust has settled and you begin to heal, you may just discover some positive aspects of your new single life. Here are some tips to help you on the journey to rediscovering yourself and embracing the possibilities.
By: Jania Mkunga
Going through divorce and recovering from divorce takes some adjustments. Your goal is to heal and live happily ever after - alone or in a new relationship.
Divorce is not necessarily a bad word. There are many advantages and opportunities you can unleash in your daily living routine as a result of being uncoupled. This article reminds you to be deliberate as you move on with your life, staying busy with the new routine without wasting any more time!
Here are a few reminders which you can consciously and effortlessly enjoy while in the act of daily living:
1. Enjoy the little pleasures! Maybe it's rediscovering how the patio feels like sitting there alone without the stress of planning for dinner, thinking about what he wants for his birthday, or worrying about his mother calling during a heated conversation. Bring out your favorite tea set and leave the 2nd cup in the kitchen cabinet and mark it “reserved” for your new partner (who in due time, you are destined to meet). Enjoy having tea alone shamelessly enjoying both cups!
2. Enjoy the closet space! You have just discovered that there are some advantages of being alone. You have more places to organize your clothes, special space for more handbags, high boots and date night shoes and jeans. Don’t squander the enjoyment you can feel each time you dig inside your spacious, neat closets and drawers whether you are looking for what to wear for work, date night or weekend leisure. (For inspiration, here are some tips on reinventing your style after divorce.)
3. Enjoy buying what you want, not what you need! (That little voice in your head which tells you that you don’t need it can just be ignored now, this voice was never yours anyway.) Whether you are at the grocery store or the mall, splurge and seek shoppers’ revenge like she did in the movie, “Pretty Woman.”
4. Enjoy saving money! If he was the big spender, you are now a dollar richer! You get to invest in the things that make sense to you whether it is stocks, bonds, mutual funds, a certain style of house, etc. If you were the big spender, eat out more often for you are free at last!
5. Enjoy getting home super-late after work on Fridays! These days you shouldn’t be breaking a leg to get home on time after work. Make as many stops as you want, including happy hour at a local bar, casino or a girlfriend’s house to while away time and savor your me time in the company of whoever you want.
6. Enjoy disciplining the kids with one formula! If you still have kids at home during and after your divorce, your voice is the only one that matters in the home at this moment. There are no second opinions to confuse the kids. You learn new ways of disciplining without being overruled!
7. Enjoy looking at cute guys with cute butts without guilt! Grocery store liquor aisles, the gym and the office have lots of these. Stop to chat and get to know some great guys at the office. Who knows, you might just land your true soul mate jackpot this time around.
8. Enjoy the four H's - being Hip, Healthy, Hopeful and Happy! For example, consider upping your game and indulge in a fashion makeover, cosmetics and buy all brand-new lip stick and perfume. If you must stay in the main house because you love the neighborhood or the school district your small children are placed, re-carpet the floors and buy all new dishes! Although these actions may sound like an overkill, depending on your mental state, you can change only the items that remind you of him the most. The most important thing, however, is you must clean house and create a new and pleasant atmosphere. Its part of your mental wellness.
9. Enjoy unlimited airtime with your friends and family. Talk about everything and anything without holding back.
10. Enjoy brand-new white sheets! They are crispy fresh, and something about white will make you feel all new and pure again!
There! It’s not all that bad when you look for the silver linings in divorce. There is a new world waiting to be rediscovered. You will find that although the process of divorce is difficult, there are many pleasures you can enjoy concurrently. Focus on those as part of your strategic coping mix. Focus on those that bring you more pleasure and repeat!
As for the dating scene, you may find that some rules have changed since you met your ex. Adjust, experiment and repeat! Play by the rules, use common sense and be safe!
About the Author: Jania Mkunga lived in California for many years where she worked as a marketing communications manager for a major technology company in the Silicon Valley. She experienced her own divorce in California and another in Arizona. She represented herself in court all the way through the divorce trial proceedings, where the other sides had lawyers. She is a single mom and currently lives in Arizona with her two minor children. She is an alumnus of the Ohio State University with a B.S. in Social Studies. She earned her advanced degree from the Schools in International Training (SIT) in Vermont, where she was trained in mediation. She writes with compassion from her personal experience from loss through divorce coupled with the loss of her teenage son (her only child at the time) to a car accident. She aspires to provide around-the-clock divorce information to women experiencing divorce and those bereaved in Maricopa County, Arizona. For more information visit: https://www.psychologytoday.com/profile/479074