Divorce is traumatic, but it’s also an opportunity for transformation as you learn to love yourself and embrace the lessons within the experience. The healing begins when you look inside and really examine what you need to do to get your life back and to learn from this experience.
Is it possible that this life-changing experience called divorce can provide positive, life-enhancing learning experiences for you? Might this experience stretch you in unexpected ways that you will be thankful for in time? Is it possible that your ex is an incredible teacher in your life? The answer to all of these questions is a resounding yes!
As you begin to pick yourself up from the trauma of your separation and divorce, I invite you to reflect on the lessons that are available for you within this experience; these lessons are the jewels to be found within the muck of a broken marriage.
In the midst of the seeming imperfection of what appears to be your broken life, there is exquisite perfection. The lessons provided within this experience are perfect for you; they are exactly what you need to learn. For me, the initial weeks and months taught me lessons of strength and resilience, but it was the lessons that came after that proved to be most transformative.
I had been looking for my worth in the love of another, and when it was seemingly withdrawn, I felt completely alone, unlovable, and unworthy. I lost the security of my marriage and the life I had envisioned, and I was almost incapacitated by fear — fear of being alone and unable to provide for myself and my children, fear of being at the mercy of uncontrollable forces in my life.
My ex’s rejection of me set up the perfect circumstances for me to examine my own lack of self-worth and self-love and to find my own inner guidance system. What came wrapped in this painful experience was the one of the most profound lessons of my life, and one which I continue to work on to this day.
Think about yourself in your own situation. Can you look at yourself in the mirror and express genuine love for yourself? Do you truly know your own worth? Do you see yourself as a capable, strong, talented woman who knows that she is more than enough and who loves herself unconditionally? If these questions make you feel uncomfortable or your first instinct is to avoid them as I did for years, they are exactly the right questions to ask yourself. (It can lead to self-actualization.)
When we are in a relationship and everything is going smoothly, we aren’t called to examine the inner issues that we need to work on. It is only when we are challenged by the people and circumstances in our lives that we are forced to look within ourselves and we are invited to perceive the lessons and to make the changes that we need to make in order to grow and to become more self-fulfilled.
Notice that I used the words, “we are invited to perceive the lessons.” There are no “have-tos” within any experience in which you find yourself. You have been gifted with free will in this life, and it is your choice as to whether you want to use this experience as an opportunity to heal and grow or whether you want to claim victim status and continue to lick your wounds.
Something in me — probably pride to begin with, and later, a persistent inner calling — would not let me continue to cry foul and to want to share my pain with anyone who would listen. I began to look at what I needed to do for me to heal and to learn from this experience. My greatest realization was my incredibly low self-esteem and inability to do anything but criticize myself.
If I couldn’t love myself, how could I love anyone else? How could I attract the love I wanted in my life if I did nothing but judge myself against my own self-imposed measures of perfection? How could I love my children unconditionally and teach them to love themselves if I couldn’t do the same for me?
And so I began what has become a continuing journey to affirm and embrace my own worth and to learn to love me. I recommend Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life, as an essential starting point. In fact, I have just started the lessons in her book for the umpteenth time as I continue to work on releasing the inner critic within me.
As I began my journey of self-love, I began to realize that I was completely capable of providing for myself and that I was the source of the security that I looked for others to provide. As I began to know and open into my own worth, I realized that my strength and power was within me.
My divorce experience provided the opportunity for me to learn an incredible life lesson. I invite you to consider what your experience is showing you. What lessons are you called to learn? What are you looking for others to give you that you need to find within yourself?
As you open to the possibilities for learning and growth within this experience, you will begin to realize that all your experiences and the people who come into your life are learning opportunities — opportunities to become all that you can be and to accomplish what you came into this life to do.
My journey of healing and personal growth led me to an incredible spiritual journey. Welcome to the most important journey you will ever take — your journey to discover your inherent worth and your true identity. Namaste :)) Linda Aspen-Baxter
Your divorce can be a catalyst of rediscovery and change when you learn to love yourself and embrace the opportunity for growth it presents.