Do you find that your level of confidence after divorce is kind of shaky? It's understandable that you might question your judgment right now (at least in men), but in order to grow, you need to start believing in yourself again. The following article can help you get started on your recovery, with tips for coping after divorce, cutting yourself some slack, and start living up to your own potential.
By LaShan F. Williams
Finally it's over! You've signed on the dotted line of your divorce decree and now what? Miraculously are you supposed to feel better? Stronger? More powerful? Not hardly. Yet this can be the expectation of those around you; family, friends, co-workers. Maybe you even expect it of yourself. Before the divorce you had something to point to for your low self-esteem and lack of confidence but now that it is over you're forced to face how you feel about yourself, life and the world around you. As women we've always been taught to put others first. That's what a good mother, wife, daughter does. I want you to throw that out the door. It's time to put you first.
Building or regaining your confidence after a divorce is no different than building and regaining your confidence after any blow to it in life. Taking the necessary steps to pick up the pieces of your life and begin to rebuild it and move forward lies in your sphere of influence. Basically, it's up to you. You've got to find something that makes you feel good about you and do it. The key is how do you do it and how do you get there?
There are six general stages to recovering after a divorce:
Each of these stages is normal and crucial to the healing process. Skipping one or all of them can possibly delay your transition after the divorce. After the stages come the steps to recovery. This is where you begin to build your confidence, one step at a time.
There are eight key phrases I'd like for you to focus on as you begin the journey on the road to rebuilding your life. The Mind, Let it Go, Refocus, Reinvent yourself, Empower yourself, Faith, Courage, and Fresh Start.
The battle starts in the mind. Your actions only follow your thoughts. You've got to change the way you think if you want to see a change in your life. Your mind is your most powerful weapon, and you have to use it to see yourself happy and content.
Yes, this can be harder than it seems but it's doable none the less. The bottom line is you can't change the past no matter how long and hard you try or how tightly you hold unto it. The past is done.
What builds your confidence is what gives you control and the present is where your control is. Cut the cord. Forget what lies behind and move forward to what lies ahead. Use the past to push you on into the present. So when you think of the future, your possibilities are endless.
What would you say was the best day of your life? Why was that day so special? What were you doing? Think about that day; how you felt inside and out. Landmark that moment in your thought process and use it to refocus. Every day, if necessary, use that special moment and you will open yourself to many others.
Through this whole experience you've probably learned more about yourself than you've ever imaged possible. Life's challenges, changes, and difficulties bring growth and a depth of self-awareness that may not have been evident before. Reinvent the possibilities of what you can do and become now that you've made the discovery.
Empowerment builds confidence and self-esteem. Don't wait for permission from someone else or a pat on the back to start using your power. Do something that makes you feel empowered. You are responsible for your own choices and the power is in the choices you make.
Knowing that you aren't alone on this new journey of life builds our confidence in our ability to succeed. There is a God that in whom you can put your trust in and draw strength from. Knowing that if you fail he is there to pick you back up and help you on your way.
A good definition of courage is
"the moral strength that makes a person face any danger, trouble, or pain steadily and without fear".
Even though you may have never thought of yourself as being courageous, surviving what you have been through so far qualifies as being courageous.
Now it's time to find your purpose and move forward in it. Don't know exactly what that is right now? That's okay. Start doing what interests you, what makes you smile, and gives you peace. What makes you happy? You alone are responsible for your happiness.
When you feel good about you it illuminates and radiates from you like a magnet, drawing others to you. And even in this you have to be cautious. Because you are vulnerable you have to be careful of whom you let into your inner circle. Build positive productive relationships. What I mean by that is surround yourself with people who build you up and feed into your purpose in life. This will help to build your self-confidence.
"I believe life is nothing more than a book of which all of us write pages and chapters every day." Your marriage and divorce is the end of one chapter, not the book. You have the power to direct how the next chapter will be written... So start writing.
Copyright by LaShon F. Williams from her best-selling book: Moving On! Living Life to the Fullest After Divorce. May not be copied or distributed without written consent from the author.
Ending a marriage is a major life change for most people, and regaining your confidence after divorce can be the springboard towards a more fulfilling future. For more tips on getting a new perspective, check out these articles: