Depression from Divorce: How to Cope and When to Get Help

By Tracy Achen

Experiencing grief and depression from divorce is common when a marriage ends. The sense of loss can be comparable to the pain of losing a loved one. In essence, it is the death of your marriage.

It can be a very unsettling time in your life as you lay to rest all the dashed hopes and dreams. Right now, you may feel as if you’ll never love anyone the way that you loved your husband.

It’s important to realize that divorce recovery takes time. You are dealing with a painful life change and small steady steps still count in your recovery.

Things that you may be feeling:

Your pain is real, and as you begin your divorce recovery you may experience some or all of the following symptoms of depression to some extent:

  • inability to sleep or sleeping more than usual
  • over eating or a total lack of appetite
  • fatigue
  • unusual aches and pains
  • excessive alcohol or drug use
  • difficulty concentrating
  • persistent negative thoughts
  • irritability or anger
  • anxiousness or restlessness
  • sense of guilt or worthlessness
  • pessimism or indifference
  • loss of interest in formerly pleasurable activities
  • recurrent thoughts of death 

*Get help immediately* if you are having thoughts of harming yourself, feel unsafe, or feel like you may be in immediate danger. You can call or text the Suicide & Crisis Hotline at 988 for free real-time support.

The Mayo Clinic has additional information about the various symptoms and treatments for depression. 

It's Okay to Ask for Help

Quote on depression from divorce

While it is normal to feel these things off and on, you should consult your doctor or therapist if you are experiencing at least four of these symptoms on a daily basis for a prolonged period. Your symptoms may be caused by lingering depression.

There is no shame in asking for help when you are dealing with these crushing emotions. You should consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor if:

  • your symptoms persist for two weeks or more 
  • you feel numb, hopeless, or constantly overwhelmed 
  • you are struggling to sleep, work, parent, or manage daily life 
  • unhealthy coping habits such as alcohol or drugs are becoming more frequent 
  • the sadness feels like it is getting worse instead of easing up

Don’t wait until things feel unbearable before you ask for help. Getting support when things start to feel overwhelming is a sign that you are taking care of yourself.

When the sadness feels heavy

If you're feeling emotionally worn down, try not to pressure yourself to "snap out of it." Divorce-related depression can make even simple things feel harder than usual.

Just remember that you probably won't feel this way forever. For the time being though, depression from divorce can seem to color everything in your life. So how do you get beyond this empty feeling?

First, begin to realistically examine what actually happened in your marriage. Then, start to forgive yourself for mistakes you may have made. Maybe you weren't perfect, but you are basically a good person. You can't go back and change the past, so let the regrets and resentment go and allow yourself to find contentment in the here and now.

Look for small things to help you feel grounded

You still have much to be thankful for, even with the inevitable changes that divorce brings. Actively try to find joy in the life you have right now. For example, be grateful for the birds singing, the wonderful smell of your first cup of coffee, the angelic look on your children’s faces as they sleep, or the friend whose shoulder you can lean on.

Allow yourself some of the simple pleasures in life, such as reading an uplifting book, getting outside to enjoy the sunshine, or baking your favorite cookies. You can also use aromatherapy to help lighten your mood. Rose oil is often used as a natural depression treatment and is definitely worth a try.

Sometimes it helps to remove the things that bring back depressing memories. Arrange the house to your liking, take off your wedding band, and put away those wedding pictures. Why plunge yourself into despair when you don’t have to.

Start keeping a journal to track when you are feeling depressed. Is there a certain time of the day or maybe something that triggers your sadness? Once you find a pattern, choose to remove yourself from the situation that makes you sad and do something different. In other words, don’t subject yourself to the pain.

A steady next step

If ongoing depression is affecting your ability to get through your daily life, that is a sign to take it seriously. You don’t need to have everything figured out before you ask for help. One steady next step is enough for today, whether it’s looking for a counselor or talking with a trusted friend about what you’re feeling.

You won’t always feel this devastated. As time passes, you will feel the sting of your divorce less and less.

Hopefully, you can use your divorce as a stepping stone to a better life. In fact, the majority of people who divorce come to view it as a positive step in their lives. You can as well. 

Tracy Achen

Tracy Achen is a Certified Divorce Transition Coach and founder of WomansDivorce.com, which she launched in 2001 after her own divorce to give women the support and information she lacked. She has researched and written on all aspects of divorce, helping women make informed decisions and rebuild their lives afterward. She is the author of Divorce 101: A Woman’s Guide and The Essential Divorce Planner. Follow Tracy on LinkedIn.


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