Healing After Divorce

Dealing with your raw emotions is part of healing after divorce. Divorce can be like a tornado. It takes your normal existence, tossing and turning everything in its path, leaving little resemblance of the life you had before. After it has passed, you are left to deal with the emotional baggage, wondering if you will ever feel happy and secure again. Below is an article that can help you learn how to heal after divorce.

Steps to Healing after Divorce

by Eileen Dunn 

Is it possible to heal through your divorce? Is it possible to "come out the other side" more in touch with your passions, hopes and dreams? Can you reconnect with your body and find different ways to enhance your well-being? Can you find joy and laugh often?

This process of divorce is devastating. But, often through the darkness you are forced to go to inner spaces within yourself that teach you of beauty, acceptance and freedom. You desire to reconnect with your inner world and heal.

You are tired and in pain right now

It is time to ask yourself, do you want to heal through this experience? For each of us, we must define healing in our own terms and with our own understanding.

My understanding of healing was that I wanted to go through this divorce and feel all of my emotions. I am convinced that the emotional body is a gift of being human and I did not want to shut down my feelings. I wanted to feel them all, the good, the bad and the ugly. I did not want to be a robot.

Begin to take responsibility for your healing

Woman sitting by window contemplating her options as she works through the steps of healing after divorce

I also knew to heal was to take complete responsibility for my healing. There could be no blaming anyone else. This was about me. I could not look at my life and blame my former spouse, no matter what he did or did not do. I saw that if I continued to blame him, I was somehow handing over my freedom of healing to him, waiting for him to change.

I wanted to go through my divorce my way. I wanted to heal and I know this process will take consciousness, choice, accepting responsibility, time to reflect, and an awareness of my energy body.

Ask yourself, "What does healing through my divorce mean? Am I committed to taking the time I need to do this? Am I ready to face my emotions?"

The healing process is not easy

Healing is not a process of "isn't everything wonderful?" It is not a process of fluff; it can certainly "bring you to your knees." The healing process calls for you to go to your inner world and feel the emotions that were so exceptionally painful that you ignored, denied, or remained "stuck" in them.

You go within to heal your wounds

In your inner world, you look at the walls you have erected. You feel your emotions. You become aware of your destructive patterns.

You take the opportunity to understand the importance of your energy, to understand your life force that flows through your body. What you do with this information is your choice.

How you emerge from this divorce process is your choice

Isn't that powerful? How you emerge from this divorce process is your choice. This choice will affect the quality of your life; this choice will be the filter for the rest of your days. Let's spend some time looking at this.

Ask yourself, "Have I ever looked at the possibility that I could emerge from my divorce more in touch with myself?" How do you emerge from your divorce more in touch with who you are, more in touch with what you need, more in touch with your aspirations?

Dissolving the bond with your ex

Let's understand an aspect of divorce to be the dissolving of the energy bond between you and your spouse. You actually "pull" your energy back into your own body. When you married, you formed a union. When you merged lives, you merged energy.

You merged energetically with your partner. This merging formed a beam of light, an actual beam merging you two. Sharing life together strengthened this beam of light. Visualize this energetic beam of light bonding you with your spouse.

Now, you are in the process of energetically dissolving this bond. It is time to put your awareness on your own energy as you call your energy back into your body, back into your own chakra system, back into your heart.

This is the separation that needs to happen, and often, this is a painful process... a long and difficult process.

Ask yourself:

  • Can I visualize the divorce process as an energy process?
  • Am I ready to look at how I contribute to and affect this energy process?
  • Am I ready to dissolve this bond between my partner and myself?
  • If not, how would I describe my resistance?

Begin to listen to your inner self

To heal, it is necessary to listen to your inner self, essential, but not easy. During your relationship, there were moments when you were not ready to feel the depths of your pain and hurt. You denied or ignored some feelings. At that moment of decision, you stopped the flow of energy.

The feelings then became stored in your body. This is known as emotional baggage.

When you are in patterns of denying and storing emotions, your emotional baggage becomes exceptionally heavy. We want to look this and begin the healing process. It is difficult to become aware of that which was so painful that you denied/stored these feelings. I am now asking you to go there. I know what I am asking.

Ask yourself,

  • Am I ready to go to my emotional and spiritual world? 
  • Do I panic at this thought? 
  • If so can I identify my fear?

Accepting Responsibility

It is often a common tendency to blame another for your pain and circumstances, especially during a divorce. Blaming deflects responsibility. Yet, you begin the healing process when you accept responsibility for your actions and responses.

Accepting responsibly brings freedom, the freedom to live life according to your highest truth. You don't need to wait until another decides to heal; you don't need to wait for a different response. You don't need permission from anyone. You're not waiting for anyone to change. You begin to heal when you are ready on your own divine time.

Ask yourself:

  • Do I blame my spouse?
  • What name-calling tactics do I use?
  • Do I feel more "powerful" when I criticize, condemn or belittle my spouse?
  • Do I see the healing possibilities that open to me when I accept full responsibility for my reactions and responses?

You go within to look at yourself; you go within to look at your shadows. You accept responsibility. When you accept responsibility, you create the opportunity to go through your divorce on your terms.

You do not hand your divorce process over to another person. You find the way that supports your highest truth. You have the freedom to choose. You have the freedom. You may decide,

"This divorce is going to be done my way. If I choose to do this from a higher level, if I choose to bring in the spiritual, if I choose to respect my energy and who I am, so be it, it can be done."

Ask yourself, "Do I understand I can go through my divorce in my own way?"

Article submitted by Dr. Eileen (Dunn) Borris, author of "Conscious Divorce: Finding freedom through forgiveness" which captures the tumultuous emotions of divorce while showing the reader that peace and forgiveness are possible. She is also the author of "Finding Forgiveness: A 7 Step Program for Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness" (#ad - As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases). May not be reprinted

To help you in the process of healing after divorce, these articles provide more inspirational tips and advice.

Inspiring Quote

Success is how high you bounce after you hit bottom
- George Patton

  1. Divorce
  2. Starting Over
  3. Healing after Divorce