Child Custody Mediation Checklist: What You Need to Prepare

by Tracy Achen

If you have young children and are getting divorced, there is a good chance that you may use child custody mediation to work out the details of your custody agreement and parenting plan. Many states now require parents to participate in mediation before a custody case goes to trial in the hopes that the issues can be resolved mutually. In fact, mediation is used in approximately half of all child custody cases (1). 

If you'll be using mediation, this child custody mediation checklist covers everything you need to prepare for the process, what documents you’ll need to bring to your session, and what keep in mind before your mediation day. When you walk into mediation with a clear plan, organized documents, and realistic goals, you’ll be able to focus on doing what’s best for your children.

During your mediation session, you’ll work with a trained mediator who will guide the discussion to help you and your ex reach an agreement on the various custody and parenting time issues to be decided. Mediation gives divorcing parents the opportunity to find common ground, save money, and make decisions that truly fit their child’s needs. 

Preparing for Child Custody Mediation

Getting prepared for your mediation session can make all the difference in how successful it will be. This child custody mediation checklist will help you determine the most important issues to focus on so you can negotiate effectively. Plus, it will help you get organized so you can communicate clearly and avoid making decisions you might later regret.

Table of Contents:

1. Mentally Preparing for Mediation 
2. Gathering Important Documents 
3. Preparing Your Parenting Plan Talking Points 
4. What to Bring to Custody Mediation 
5. Staying Focused and Respectful During Mediation 
6. Follow Up and Stay Organized After Mediation 
7. Printable Child Custody Mediation Checklist

1. Mentally Preparing for Mediation

Custody negotiation can bring up intense emotions and the need to “win” at all costs can be strong. But that’s not always what’s best for your kids. Here’s how to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally before you go to your mediation session: 

• ☐ Be honest about your ex’s parenting abilities. You likely don’t have a very good opinion of your ex, but it doesn’t matter if he lied, cheated, or was a jerk to you. What matters is how he acted as a parent and whether he took an active part in your kids lives.
   
• ☐ Clarify your goals. Ask yourself what you want the parenting schedule to look like. Will you have residential custody or will it be shared with your ex? How will major decisions about your child be made?
   
• ☐ Focus on your child’s best interests. What issues do you feel are most important to your child? Focusing on their stability, safety, and happiness can help guide your discussion.
   
• ☐ Practice calm communication. Write down any emotional triggers that might come up during mediation and plan how you will respond if things get tense.
  

2. Gathering Important Documents

There are certain documents you’ll need to bring to mediation so you can present the facts clearly and make informed decisions. Here are some of the documents you’ll need to have on hand:

• ☐ Court documents: any existing custody petitions, divorce documents, restraining orders, or supervised visitation orders.
   
• ☐ Financial records: pay stubs and income documentation, child-related expenses, and any financial agreements. Also document any fees for school and extracurricular activities, as well as medical expenses not covered by insurance.
   
• ☐ Calendar: your work schedule and the school calendar, including school holidays and summer vacation schedule, plus the schedule for extracurricular activities
   
• ☐ School and medical information: report cards, health insurance information, doctor notes,
   
• ☐ Communication logs: texts, emails, or notes about prior co-parenting discussions
   
• ☐ Notes about your child’s routines or needs: bedtime schedules, allergies, learning concerns
   
• ☐ Proposed parenting plan (discussed below)
  

Tip: Keep everything in a binder labeled with categories so you can find what you need quickly during mediation.  

3. Preparing Your Parenting Plan Talking Points

Mediation is about communication, not confrontation. This part of your child custody mediation checklist ensures you will walk in knowing what you want to say and how to say it clearly. You can write down your main discussion points to help you stay organized and calm during mediation. Key issues to discuss include: 

• ☐ Custody details: Which parent will legal custody or will it be shared? How about physical custody and where the children will live on a regular basis?
   
• ☐ Decision-making rights and responsibilities: Who will make major decisions regarding your children? How will medical decisions be made or travel permissions will be handled?
   
• ☐ Parenting time schedule: How much time will the children will spend with each parent and how will unexpected schedule changes be handled?
   
• ☐ Holiday and vacation time schedule: How will holidays, birthdays, school breaks, and summer vacation times be split?
   
• ☐ Transition between homes: What will be the procedure for exchanging your children and who will pay for transportation costs for long-distance visits?
   
• ☐ Access to school and medical records: Will both parents have access to records and how will they be provided?
   
• ☐ Financial issues: consider how uncovered medical expenses and childcare will be paid, as well as which parent gets to claim the child for tax purposes.
   
• ☐ Communication methods: How will communication about the children between you and your ex be handled? Consider phone calls, texts, video chats, co-parenting apps, and in-person discussions. You also need to address how the children can contact the other parent when they aren't with them, including appropriate time-frames and methods.
   
• ☐ How disputes will be handled: if parents can't agree on certain issues, you need to think about how it will be resolved. Will you return to mediation or go to court?

You need to think through the possible compromises you can accept and where you need to stand firm on each of these issues. To help you really work through all the issues that need to be addressed, the Essential Divorce Planner has an extensive parenting plan worksheet to make sure you don’t overlook anything.

4. What to Bring to Mediation

Walking into mediation without the essentials can add unnecessary stress. Here's a list of what to bring to mediation:

• ☐ Your photo ID and existing court documents related to your children
   
• ☐ Copies of all financial documents, school and medical records, and calendars
   
• ☐ Your proposed parenting plan
   
• ☐ A notepad and pen to take notes
   
• ☐ Water and snacks in case the session runs long
   
• ☐ Payment, unless you’re participating in free mediation services
  

5. Staying Focused and Respectful During Mediation

The goal of child custody mediation is to find solutions, not blame. It’s about creating a parenting plan that will work best for your child. You need to keep your child’s needs at the center of the conversation. Listen actively and avoid interrupting or blaming the other parent.

Be prepared to answer questions from your mediator about your child's daily routine and behavior. And ask questions when you don’t understand a term or proposal.

Your mediator’s job is to help you and your ex communicate, not to take sides. So, trust the process and stay patient. And it’s okay to take a break if you start to feel overwhelmed during the negotiations.

Write down any agreements as they're reached so nothing is missed in your final agreement. Also be prepared to ask the mediator questions, such as "How will this agreement be documented?" or "What happens if we can’t agree on a topic?"

6. Follow Up and Stay Organized After Mediation

Once mediation ends, there’s still work to do.

• ☐ Make sure everything you agreed upon is clearly documented and easy to reference later.
   
• ☐ Review the written agreement carefully before signing anything. It’s a good idea to have a family law attorney review the final draft before it's signed and filed with the court.
   
• ☐ Schedule any follow-up sessions if there are still unresolved topics. If issues can’t be resolved through addition mediation sessions, the matter will need to be decided by a judge.
   
• ☐ Add the agreed-upon parenting schedule to your calendar.
   
• ☐ Once everything is resolved, keep your mediation notes, copies of documents, and any custody agreements in a safe place.
  

Your negotiated custody agreement is binding and enforceable once it is filed with the court, so make sure you can live with the provisions of the agreement before you sign anything. 

7. Printable Child Custody Mediation Checklist

Want to take this checklist with you? You can download this free printable custody mediation checklist to help you organize your documents, notes, and goals before mediation day by filling out the form below: