Benefits of Child Custody Mediation Every Parent Should Know

Child custody mediation is definitely something to consider before you decide to take your custody battle before a judge. Not only is it less costly, but the resulting custody arrangement is often easier to live with for everyone involved.

What is  custody mediation? 
Custody mediation is a process to help parents reach an agreement regarding child custody and visitation issues without having to settle their disputes in a courtroom.

A mediator, acting as a neutral third party, encourages productive discussions between the parents to help them reach an agreement they both can agree on. Mediation allows parents to reach creative solutions, as opposed to simply following court guidelines. And anything that is discussed during mediation is kept confidential.

Due to the success of mediating custody decisions, many state courts are now requiring parents to go through mediation when there is a custody dispute. Even if your state doesn't require custody mediation, it's still worth considering before taking your case to court. Mediation takes much less time to resolve custody issues because you aren't constrained by the court calendar for hearings.

hands of kids painted with letters spelling mediation

The article below highlights some other really good reasons to consider using mediation to resolve your custody issues.

10 Reasons Why You Should Mediate Your Custody Case

by Brette Sember, J.D.

1. You are in mama/dada grizzly mode. This means you're in the mode to run over anyone who is at all threatening your concept of how your parenting plan should be structured. In other words, you're leading with your emotions and not your head. You need a process that will let everyone cool down, be rational, and think about consequences.

2. Your judge will create a parenting plan that you will hate. Family court judges have huge caseloads and don't have time to learn all the details of your and your child's lives. Which is why so many orders contain the same visitation plans (every other weekend and one night per week). Your child deserves a customized plan. 

3. Cold hard cash. In case you didn't notice, everything in the divorce comes down to money. If you mediate, you'll spend thousands and thousands less. Which means you have a greater chance of actually getting as much money in the divorce as you think you deserve. 

4. If you move forward in hate, everything will be harder. You might not hate each other, but, man, you are still ticked off. It's really hard to parent with someone you can't even talk to. So it's time to figure out how you're going to push that stuff to the side and move forward.

5. Your kids are watching you. It's time to walk the walk after you've talked the talk all these years about forgiveness, civility, doing unto others, and walking away from fights. You're the role model and how you handle the biggest conflict of your life influences them deeply.

6. Silence is not golden. If you are headed for court your attorney does all the talking - in negotiation with the other attorney, at hearings, with experts, and finally, at trial. You sit with your arms crossed and your lips pursed, realizing that no one in the room is really getting your exact point of view. In child custody mediation, you do the talking.

7. You need a rulebook. You and your ex are going to be parents together FOREVER. You will never be rid of each other, so you need to teach yourselves how to talk about the parenting issues you're going to have to work through. Mediation gives you strategies for resolving future conflict on your own. 

8. When it's not a contest, people give in easier. It's a lot easier to concede that the other person might be right when you don't have two lawyers, a judge, a court reporter, a bailiff and a court clerk staring at you. Trials can turn into a pissing match. Mediation makes it a joint endeavor where you're trying to work together to come up with a plan.

9. Time is ticking. Want to take lots of time off work for court hearings and trials? Probably not. Do you want to be stuck in temporary order purgatory for months while your case winds its way through the justice system? Doubtful. Child custody mediation lets you move forward on your timeline.

10. Big decisions should require big thought. Custody is probably the most important part of your divorce. It matters. So you really should spend some time talking about it, considering options, and brainstorming. Your kids will thank you. 

If you want to avoid hashing everything out in a courtroom, here is a good video on how to prepare for custody mediation:

FAQs about Child Custody Mediation

Is mediation less expensive than litigation to settle a custody dispute?

Yes. How much money you can save will depend on where you live and how complex your case is. Mediation fees are typically much less than you would pay for legal fees to fight a custody battle in court. According to Legal Case Review, mediation is typically 60% - 80% cheaper than litigation.

Who pays for the child custody mediation?

Generally, the cost of mediation is split evenly between the parents, unless they agree otherwise. There are also some counties that offer free mediation services if it's required in that jurisdiction. Ask your lawyer or court clerk if such services exist in your area.

Is a mediated custody agreement legally binding?

Yes, if a correctly drafted custody agreement is signed by both parties and approved by the court, it is legally binding and enforceable like any other legal agreement. A verbal agreement that is reached during mediation isn't enforceable until the above conditions are met.

What happens if we can't settle everything in mediation?

If you can't agree on everything during mediation, you can either schedule additional mediation sessions, continue to negotiate independently, or go to court to have a judge settle the remaining issues.

When is custody mediation NOT appropriate?

Mediation generally isn't a good idea in cases involving domestic violence, emotional abuse, or extreme power imbalances. In these situations you can ask to be excused from mediation if there is a restraining order in effect. If custody mediation is mandated in your state, you can request special procedures to protect your safety, such as meeting with the mediator separately from the other parent.

Final Thoughts

Using custody mediation can help you save money, maintain stability for your children, and make sure your parenting style is respected. Overall, there are a lot of benefits of child custody mediation when working through the various issues concerning your children.

For more information on mediation and custody, check out the following articles: