How to Find Mr. Right: Your Guide to Finding Love After Divorce

by Tracy Achen 

If looking for love is tough, then finding Mr Right may seem impossible, especially after divorce. Before you start out on a quest to find the perfect man, you need to make sure you've healed and have accepted your divorce first.

If you’re still raw from the divorce, you’ll just scare away the good guys and attract the ones who are prone to taking advantage of you. Some signs you’re ready to start dating again include:

• Feeling confident and content on your own 
• Letting go of past resentment or anger 
• Feeling open to trust again

When you're ready to get back out there, having the right perspective on boyfriends will increase your odds of finding a good man. The first step in developing a healthy, nurturing relationship is knowing what kind of partner that you want. It is best to do this while you are unattached, so that your standards aren’t based on a specific person. 

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Defining Mr. Right - Deciding What You Want In A Man

You can begin by making a wish list of characteristics that you would like in a partner. While attractiveness may seem important right now, realize that looks fade with time. It is better to focus on quality of life things such as a positive attitude or a sense of humor.

Below is a list of ideas to help you get started. Your list should include what is important to you in a man and what makes you happy.

Evaluating Your Past Relationships

Before you can find Mr. Right, it’s important to understand your past relationships. Reflect on lessons learned from your marriage. What worked, what didn’t, and what qualities do you truly value in a partner. For example, ask yourself: 

• What are my non-negotiables in a relationship? 
• What kind of lifestyle and values do I want to share with someone? 
• Am I looking for companionship, romance, or a long-term partnership?

The next thing that you need to do is list the characteristics of old boyfriends, past lovers, and ex-husbands. What attracted you to them in the first place? How many of their traits match your list of needs. If there is little correlation between what you needed and what you got, see how all the men in your life were similar.

If essential qualities for you are "kind", "considerate", and "good-natured", yet you pick men who lack these qualities, but are either "sexy", "good looking", or "good dancers", realize the conflict that exists. Be especially careful when you meet that "sexy" man that makes your heart race. If you are attracted to a good dancer who’s bad-tempered, then dance with him, but don’t invest yourself emotionally. It’s best just not to even allow yourself the temptation.

Don’t settle for less than your expectations just to be in a relationship. Knowing what you want before you start looking for love helps separate the good from the not-so-good, and allows you to find someone truly compatible for a possible lasting love. 

How to Meet Potential Partners

Once you've determined just what you want in a man, then you need figure out how you're going to meet someone who has those qualities. If it has been quite a while since you were part of the singles scene, it can be a little intimidating.

This is where online dating sites and apps can help; letting you dip you toes in the water without having to worry about fitting into the crowd. You might also consider joining social groups, clubs, or classes that align with your personal interests. Sporting events are also another good option because the focus is on something other than "hooking-up". Of course, it never hurts to let your close friends know that you’re opening to meeting someone new.

Dating after divorce requires a strategy. Here are some tips on how to set yourself up for success:

• Set realistic expectations and goals – Not every date will turn out great (and some may actually suck) and most first dates can be awkward, but don’t get discouraged. 
• Communicate openly about your past, without oversharing. No one really wants to hear about what an absolute jerk your ex was. Simply state the basics and say that you’ve moved on. 
• Recognize red flags early, such as dishonesty or lack of commitment. Don’t make excuses for rude behavior. This quote by Oprah Winfrey is a pretty good motto to live by "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." 
• Balance dating with your personal life and responsibilities. It’s easy to get caught up with the excitement of going out and getting to know someone new. But you shouldn’t push your work responsibilities or family activities to the side. Anyone who is worth your time will understand when you have other commitments.

As you go about your dating adventure, always prioritize safety and take your time getting to know someone. If you find yourself falling for someone, it’s a good idea to take it slow before committing to a relationship. This will allow you time to ground yourself in reality and allow the relationship to build naturally.

Signs You've Found Your Mr. Right

Say you have met someone really special and the sparks fly every time the two of you are together. How do you know if he’s the one? Here are some signs to look for: 

• The attraction is mutual and undeniable 
• He’s emotionally mature and stable 
• He’s consistent and reliable (his actions match his words and you can count on him) 
• He shares the same values and life goals as you (you're both on the same page about the big things in life) 
• He celebrates your accomplishments and is your biggest cheerleader 
• You feel respected and safe, both emotionally and physically 
• He respects and gets along with your family and friends 
• You can be yourself around him and don’t have to pretend or hide parts of who you are    
• He’s open about his feelings and doesn't keep secrets 
• He respects your space and gives you privacy when you need it 
• He makes you laugh and the two of you have fun together 
• He’s ready for a committed relationship 
• He’s honest in his words and actions 
• He’s kind to you and others, especially when no one is looking 
• His compassion extends beyond just your relationship 
• You can have difficult conversations with him without fear of judgment 
• He fights fair and disagreements are handled respectfully and constructively 

And most importantly, if it just feels right and your intuition tells you that you’ve found someone special, you’ve probably met the one for you.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, finding Mr. Right after your divorce is about self-reflection, emotional readiness, and smart dating. By understanding yourself, knowing what qualities you want in a partner, and recognizing the traits of a healthy relationship, you can build the love life you deserve.

Related Articles: 

• How to Start Dating Again after Divorce 
• Getting Your Flirt Back On 
• 7 Secrets for Successful Post-Divorce Dating 
• Is He a Good Fit for You? 
• Dating Tips for Women Over 40