By Tracy Achen
If looking for love is tough, then finding Mr Right may seem impossible, especially after divorce. The right perspective on boyfriends will increase your odds. The first step in developing a healthy, nurturing relationship is knowing what kind of partner that you want. It is best to do this while you are unattached, so that your standards aren’t based on a specific person.
You can begin by making a wish list of characteristics that you would like in a partner. While attractiveness may seem important right now, realize that looks fade with time. It is better to focus on quality of life things such as a positive attitude or a sense of humor.
Below is a list of ideas to help you get started. Your list should include what is important to you in a man, and what makes you happy.
The next thing that you need to do is list the characteristics of old boyfriends, past lovers, and ex-husbands. What attracted you to them in the first place? How many of their traits match your list of needs. If there is little correlation between what you needed and what you got, see how all the men in your life were similar.
If essential qualities for you are "kind", "considerate", and "good-natured", yet you pick men who lack these qualities, but are either "sexy", "good looking", or "good dancers", realize the conflict that exists. Be especially careful when you meet that "sexy" man that makes your heart race. If you are attracted to a good dancer who’s bad-tempered, then dance with him, but don’t invest yourself emotionally. It’s best just not to even allow yourself the temptation.
Don’t settle for less than your expectations just to be in a relationship. Knowing what you want before you start looking for love helps separate the good from the not-so-good, and allows you to find someone truly compatible for a possible lasting love.
Once you've determined just what you want in a man, then you need figure out how you're going to meet someone who has those qualities. If it has been quite a while since you were part of the singles scene, it can be a little intimidating.
This is where online dating can help; letting you dip you toes in the water without having to worry about fitting into the crowd. Sporting events are also another good option because the focus is on something other than "hooking-up".