What do I do?
My husband of 20 years is texting a woman from work who previously worked for him. About 5 years ago I discovered that he was having an affair with her and I confronted him. After a fight and me kicking him out, we got back together. We have a daughter together. Things were going well until he started changing toward me, so I checked his phone and saw that she is sending him naked pictures of herself. I am so angry I can't think straight. I just want to cry, I know if I confront him he is going to deny it.
I am so heartbroken right now. I keep asking myself "why does he betray me?" Is it because I have gained 10 pounds? I am smart and successful and good looking, why would he do this to me?
I feel like such a fool!
Things are not always as they seem
by: Heather S.
My partner of 8 years started talking to a co-worker one year ago. Things stared to get rough. He started going out on the weekends again. He would get upset if he thought this co-worker was hanging put with another guy. And then I saw some text messages between them. One was a picture that stated sexual harassment was okay in the work place and there were face shots of her and he had sent face shots of him. Let's just say I immediately got sick to my stomach. I am 7 years older than her and have two children.
I know he is emotionally attached to her. I told her to get a life and told him to stop or I was done. He turned it around and said I was in the wrong, that everyone should be allowed friends. So when I asked why I couldn't have friends, he replied I would probably have sex with them. I know he is here because of the kids. He has an older son with another women and is worried about separating yet again as his first girlfriend left him for another guy.
It is hard to rationalize this. He has had opioid addiction, squandered all of my resources to pay for his addictions, we lost our home... He got help and I was hoping we could pull ourselves out of this mess and be happy. But it has all put a toll on us. We cannot trust or relax. I have been experiencing posttraumatic syndrome. I cannot even drive now without panicking.
And now he just wants to throw me away if I don't allow him to continue to do as he pleases. I often wonder if there are good men out there. At 37, I have not met one yet. I hope to raise my boy better than this. People should work together as a team. Not point in blaming and running from responsibilities.
My heart is breaking
I have been with this man for three years going on four. He has been texting other women since our first year together. I confront him and he says I’m crazy or insecure. He has cheated on me multiple times and one lady says she has his baby. We have two children together and all I want is for him to love me the way I love him. I realized he will never stop, no matter how much I cry or tell him how it hurts me. I don’t know what else to do and I’m falling into depression because I don’t feel good enough for him. The girls he’s texting have better shapes than me and wear a lot of makeup and it makes me feel as if I’m not attractive or I’m ugly. I’m just hurt basically.
Once a liar, always a liar
by: I'm moving on
My husband previously sent flirty texts to his ex (the mother of his daughter). He convinced me that there was nothing to it and he would also never do it again - I wanted to believe it as I loved him. 2 years ago I caught him sexting a work colleague and it had been going on for 4 months. I was gutted and in total shock and kicked him out of the house. He begged me to take him back and told me that he had been depressed and had really had a wake up call. Once again I wanted to believe him and I took him back. You've no doubt guessed it - yes I caught him at it again flirting with the same ex! Once again he's contrite, claims he's been depressed and nothing physical has happened its only a text. This time he's out and I'm moving on.
After 25 years of marriage, dealing with his alcoholism and lying
I have never posted a thread, so here goes.
After 25 years I too have now come across this same situation. I'm the one who feels so stupid, I have forgiven him time and time again. Last night, my suspicions were aroused at 10:30am, I thought yep he's had a few already. I'm at a point where I make no excuse for my feelings and always put them out so the record is straight. I try to ignore my gut, but sometimes you just know something is not right and I was right. Between the phone calls and texts during the day, then when I saw a guilty face. Even then I still thought it was alcohol, but something in me made me check his iPad messages (he checks mine all the time but I have nothing to hide so I don't care) and lo and behold someone had requested a quote & there it was, he had turned the conversation into a pick up, must of busted his ego as she declined. But it affects our business! He already burned himself in our area with his alcohol and now this too is probably why.
I have endured 10 years of alcoholism with him, I have been through his nasty detoxes, and supported him the whole way! I have never strayed from the marriage through turbulent times because I believe in my vows to try salvage what we had. I also believed that once he became sober he would realize what he actually has right in front of him, a huge loving family. I always thought (because of this) it was during his relapses was when he slipped up. But obviously not.
It's not the first time, he has either been too stupid to be caught or he has been stopped in his tracks. This time however, being caught red handed (because he wasn't quick enough on the delete button) was a fantastic 'explain yourself' moment.
He was not remorseful nor sorry for his actions, he only said 'I don't know why!' He even tried to turn it round and then asked me to leave. After a huge argument (and yes I lost my temper and gave him a few shoves and pushes for his actions), I stood my ground and made him leave. I may not be perfect, but all our problems have been initiated by him. He has been the one slipping up and that's the only reason we fight, otherwise I am just a placid soul who comes from work and cooks some dinner and asks "how was your day".
When you love someone, the hardest thing is letting them go. And I do love him, otherwise after everything we have gone through I would have been long gone. He is a functioning alcoholic, with a self-destructive persona (he never was aggressive only snarly at times) and has medical issues. He has no license, has cost us thousands in court fees and fines, and I keep stumbling across all the hidden spots for booze around the house. The scariest thing is what do I do now?
Today I need to tell our 24 & 26 year old. I'm humiliated again, so their father can explain that. Our kids have already had enough of everything else so I don't know how they will react.
All I've ever done is try and the text messaging was the straw that broke the camel’s back last night.
I guess I could write a massive biography of what we have been through (I think anyone who lives with an addict knows the pain you go through), how my life every 3-4 weeks is turned upside down. It took me a year n half of therapy to become confident again and know how to manage my anxiety after reaching an alarming state of worry. To still have this as the end result make me feel shattered at all the effort I have put in to not have the same returned.
I'm gutted; I feel sick and confused but know this has to be done. We have never separated. I have always held him back, but I now know that this is still infidelity regardless of no physical contact, it's no respect to our marriage especially. I have heard on numerous occasions, "I love you, I want you to be happy, you are my world", but never a sorry though.
He knows he needs to gain my trust, he knows what he's done in the past but yet it is in the too-hard basket. I can't and don't want another 10 years of this, I’m literally tired of being tired. 28 years together, my first of everything all to end like this.
I feel robbed.
Consider yourself lucky!
Why would you be heartbroken over a guy that obviously has a drinking problem and infidelity issues! He will only bring you heartache and unhappiness in the future!
Consider yourself lucky to get rid of him! You will meet a real man in the future!
Once a cheat, kick him to the curb
Don't feel bad. I'm also in the process of divorcing my husband after 5 months of marriage. During our brief marriage, he's shown me he is an alcoholic, jealous, a liar and a cheat. He brought another woman to our house during New Year’s Eve last year while I was gone on a break out of town for two weeks to see my parents. He couldn't go with me because of work. On New Year’s Eve, he and the tramp got drunk and stayed together in the house until the wee hours of the morning doing who knows what. To their surprise, they were spotted by my neighbors, who later proceeded to tell me the whole story.
He has since quit his job with the excuse that he wasn't making enough money at his job and he needed to go to college so he can increase his prospects of making more money in the future. Mind you, my husband is 45-years-old this year.
Since he and I split up two months ago, I've found out he's been continuing to communicate with her and was working to see yet another woman on Facebook. Not embarrassed with his actions, he still comes around to my neighbors asking them to convince me to let him back into our house. He has even called my coworkers at work trying to make me change my mind. I currently have a few police reports against him for harassment.
Be careful, these types of men lack morals and just like the devil, they are out there to steal, kill and destroy unsuspecting women like us. You will find someone else that's better in the future. You will be glad you ended things quickly with this trash of a man as soon as you realized.
I am in the same boat. A woman from hubby's work started going to the same gym as him on lunches, then they started riding together. I would see people from the gym and they would ask if we were still together. I knew something wasn't right, so I asked to see his phone and he refused. I asked for the password for the mobile account and he refused again. I applied for a new password on the account and had the temporary password sent to my phone instead of his.
Then I found out why he had not wanted me to see this: for that one woman in the past 8 months there were 111,645 texts!!! Who does that? And that isn't even the only one he has been texting either. Another woman he had texted over 9000 times in a month. And when I presented all of my finding his response was "So?" Yep...I kicked him out. I am done.
Misconduct by my spouse
I am also in a similar situation. My husband and I have been married for four months and I am now pregnant. I found a contact picture in his phone of a woman whose son is friends with his son, in a bikini top. After inquiring about it, I found out that they had made plans to get a drink together. This was in August after we found out about the baby. After that, I got into his Facebook account and found he was secretly talking to other women and "liking" half naked pictures of them. I see no reason to stay married to him. I feel it was only a matter of time till more happens between him and these women.
Same situation as you
First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your husband’s infidelity. This is the very reason why my husband and I are getting a divorce. He says they are "just friends" and that an emotional affair is the stupidest thing he's ever heard of. He used to text and call her all day and all night long, erased all messages so I can't read them, and basically said that I drove him away and to his "friend". It hurts....but I have to think of my son and try to move on and be happy… I hope it gets easier.
Texting another woman after 25 years of marriage
by: Miss M
I have been married for 25+ years and recently discovered my husband has been secretly texting an ex female co-worker. I had always expressed my concerns about his communicating personal family issues to her while they worked together, but thought that would all end when he changed jobs.
After being in a new position for almost 1 year, I learn he has been texting the former co-worker all along. The texts were numerous…almost 900 per month and just as others said, all were deleted promptly. When I approached him about the texting, he minimized the situation, stating they are only friends and since they worked together for so long, they kept in touch. His solution was to text her yet again telling her I was accusing him of having an affair, so to not text him any longer and if I asked her about it to let me know it was only a friendship deal. Weird thing is that he claims to have only sent that final text, yet the bill shows 2 other texts sent around the same time.
Knowing how I felt about this woman and obviously knowing what he was doing was wrong because he chose to hide it for so long, struck me like a ton of bricks. I feel betrayed and my trust level is at an all-time low. His former co-worker has never made an attempt to set the record straight, which I would do if I was unjustly accused of having an affair with a married man, which only adds fuel to my distrust. Not sure what to do here. Having been lied to for almost one year is devastating.
I been married 4 months now and have been seeing a strange behavior in my husband. We were arguing over everything. He has one failed relationship with the mother of his kid. He has been so protective of his phone, and I've been seeing insane texting with him receiving texts at the wee hours of the night. So I began to be suspicious, and just the other night I found a text from this girl and today I found 2 other text from other girls. I'm disappointed and cannot believe that our marriage could be over.
It all started so innocently
by: Rebecca M
My hubby goes to a bar after work for a few beers. The owner is a married woman. She knows my husband is married as I have been in there a few times. She has been texting non-stop all day and night for 7 months now. He came to me this past Thursday and said he wanted a divorce. I said, "What?" He went upstairs to the bedroom and locked the door.
The next morning I hardly said a word as he got ready for work because I was having a panic attack every time I tried to speak. I was blind-sided and shocked. Then he went to work (Friday) and didn't come home that night. I was in the kitchen making coffee on Saturday morning when he came in the back door. He looked like hell. Said something mumbled and then I said, "You do not get to tell me you're getting a divorce one night, stay out all night the next and still get to live here!!!"
He said nothing at all and went upstairs and went to bed. Even though I was right behind him, he locked the door. He slept for 3 hours and came downstairs telling me he had to go to work. Next time I see him, its Saturday night 11:23 PM and he's drunk. He went to bed and since he was drunk I didn't want to talk with him. Today he got up at 6:30 AM and left saying nothing other than do you need any checks? Came home drunk again at 6 PM, went upstairs to speak with our 28 year old son, then came downstairs and out the door. He is still at a bar or somewhere else right now.
Now the kicker: He had been acting a bit strange lately about his phone -- a little too possessive -- and never left it out on the counter to charge like he used to. Why? Because he has been getting texts from this married bar owner for 7 months; thousands of them. He says they are "just friends".
And I'm a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit cover girl! We have been together for 29 years. I am crushed. Still don't know if I can fix this or if I am to be divorced. He hid all those texts. That woman knows things about me that I never told her but he did. She playing some kind of game and I have already told her to back off. I'm telling her husband tomorrow...
Be proud of yourself, leaving now. I am finally filing my petition this week, at 43 and after 10 years of marriage. And I’m taking my 2 young boys with me. The last few years it has been different women, none locally, but it’s still hurtful. And the lying! We even tried counseling. What was the last straw? 4000 (how is that even possible?) text messages between him and 1 woman on last month’s bill. Enough said; I'm gone.
It's been 5 months apart for us. And it began with him erasing all his texts (no history, ever). And like you said, the calls, walking into another room. Only he told me it was a friend (male)… turns out he had been having the affair pretty much as soon as I noticed. Just didn't want to face what was right in front of our noses. She wasn't a friend, she was (and is) his girlfriend.
A girl he befriended at work became more important
I honestly never thought that I would lose this 2nd marriage. I've been trying to face the fact that he wasn't happy, but was hoping that he would at least seek some kind of counseling so that we could work through the issues.
About 5 or 6 months ago he started talking to this girl at work. She is 13 years younger than him. She is outgoing and can come and go as she pleases because she lives at home and is not married. He began to talk to her and have her at our home when I was not there. She came to our house and put her head on my husband's leg right in front of me. I was livid, but my husband seemed to think that all these things were ok to do and he shouldn't have to ask or talk to me about who comes over to the house. I had tried to be patient, but when the girl put her head on my husband's leg, that infuriated me.
We fought and all of a sudden he wasn't happy. He said it was for 2 years, but I know that is not true. He didn't start treating me like 2nd best until she walked into our lives. As the calls and texting got more and more, I felt him slipping further and further away from me, but couldn't do anything but to voice my opinions.
He would never let me tell him how I felt and it became clear he didn't care. He just wanted to do what he wanted to do and he didn't want anyone to tell him he was wrong. Sometimes I think that he knew what he was doing was wrong. He would go to work early and get home late, but only when this girl was working. If she called he would walk out of the room. Late at night if she would call him he would talk to her sometimes like a high school crush.
I moved in and out of my parents a few times, but this week it's over according to him. I am deeply hurt and heartbroken over this, but I had put myself in counseling and he would not do the same. He says that he tried, but in my eye there was so much more he could have done.