I'm not stupid
My husband has been texting his female co-worker for months, but lately it's been non-stop in the evenings and all throughout the day on weekends. He says they are just "buddies" and she is friends with a group of guys at work (which includes him). He smiles ear to ear when he texts her, and he offers me too much information about their text conversation when I catch him doing it. I've asked him to stop, but he says I'm being ridiculous. She's his buddy and nothing more, and said she's already having a relationship with another man they both work with. This female "friend" is also married. I asked him if her husband had a problem with her texting MY husband every night all night, and he just told me once again that I'm being ridiculous.
I wanted to believe him, but have caught him sneaking off to other rooms to text her. He pulls his phone away and hides it when I come up to him. I even found out that he'd deleted months’ worth of texts leading up to the first day I'd confronted him about it. He'd also deleted only "certain texts" so that the remaining texts on the phone seemed innocent. I only know that because of one of his moments of "TMI" where he told me about their conversation. Then lo and behold, that conversation wasn't on his phone.
It hurts my heart to no end to know he doesn't care about my feelings. I'm not stupid. If it were as innocent as he claims, he wouldn't feel the need to be so secretive. I've never looked through his texts in our 21 years together, and the one time I did, it wasn't what I found, but what I DIDN'T find that felt like a knife in my heart. I want so badly to fight for our marriage, but all I can think of in the back of my head is the two of them laughing about it all. I have absolutely no idea what to do, but I can't live like this much longer.
Disrespectful husband who texts women on Twitter
I just left my husband of 16 yrs. because he went on Twitter and kept following women with profiles saying they want a relationship. I asked him to stop and he made up all kinds of excuses to keep following them. First he said he can't unfollow them. Then he said he quit DMing them but I followed a couple of them and they told me he privately messages them. It's not normal because he is 71 years old. He says it's innocent and he likes it, but it's gotten out of control at this point. I'm 8 years younger and I wanted to retire and have a good life with him, but he has caused me to distrust him from his lack of respect toward me. He told me to f off when I said to block them. He said it would be rude to block them. I blocked his phone number and I'm at my sons now.
Duped but not Done
Look out for the Uber/Lyft driver excuse. Mine of 22 years used his side job to get away to see his "just friend" with whom he had a 5-year affair with. They both said they never got physical but after 5 years of secret rendezvous and learning each other over private, always deleted texts, I cannot believe they didn’t get intimate.
We separated but reconciled - this took 3 years because I was determined to make him earn me and my love back. He did and appeared to be a new husband. Transparent and all with his phone until he changed the password and didn’t tell me. Oh, transparency...you fickle thing.
Two days ago, I found the new target listed in his contacts as a man, a supervisor at that, from his new job. He forgot to delete one of the texts and I immediately confronted him because the tone of the text was not how he addresses men at all - especially not a boss. I was right, it was a woman from work. He said the usual... we're just a friend, we talk about work, blah blah blah. They’d been texting for 3 months.
He went through the usual tactics... circular talking to confuse me and make me forget what I was trying to say, making it seem like I don’t want him to have female friends, and blame shifting. But never an apology to me for doing the exact same thing that broke us up the first time - secret inappropriate contact with women from work. I’m just glad I caught it three months in this time and not five years later. I am strong enough now to divorce him.
Ladies, they don’t change. But they sure as hell will sell you the dream of change. We cling to that hope so desperately. Do not accept their lies as reality. Accept reality as reality - he is cheating on you and does not value you or your relationship. Even if you cannot leave for whatever reason, work most on loving you, taking care of yourself in some loving way each day. Even if it’s a bath but you sob pitifully through the whole thing, fine. Do it. But try, just try to put less energy into him and more Love, Care, and Energy back into you. He’s not going to magically wake up and infuse you with it. He’s probably too busy lining up his next ego boost to give your emotional state a second thought.
It’s not you sis! It’s them. This is all on them.
Husband says "I love you" to another woman in text
I just found out that my husband has been having an emotional affair via text/email with a supplier at his company. He’s been telling her she’s very pretty, hot, beautiful, sexy & that he loves her. He’s also looking on Twitter & Instagram at other women & making lewd comments.
Well I caught him. He swears he’s never touched another woman in all our 21 years of marriage. I don’t believe him. He makes me sick. I haven’t left because I’m unemployed & waiting on my disability. And it would break my grandchildren’s hearts. He’s not their actual grandfather, but he’s all they’ve ever known & think the world of him. I know that’s no excuse for staying but I just can’t go at this moment. I don’t have a support system either. Any advice?
I am an idiot husband
I have been happily married 18 years. Two years ago I had a traumatic life experience and have been struggling to be the same. Stress and depression were pushed down deep as I tried to be strong. My wife has been very supportive and I felt like I was getting through it until three months ago I found myself at a men's club alone on an impulse. Never been to one before. Didn’t plan it and never thought I would go to one. Always thought they were kind of sad and that men who went there were sad.
Long story short, I felt terrible. I became a liar to protect my wife and myself from my selfish deeds. I sank to a new low. I still don’t know what possessed me to go. A lot of stress and depression, but maybe I am just a bad guy. I saw a counselor and she said it had to do with passive aggressive way of acting out from capitulated stress. The worst part is that I started a texting relationship with one of the girls I met. I could say that we didn’t share photos, no meetups, but I would just be rationalizing bad behavior because I carried on an inappropriate secret relationship with someone other than my wife.
I have since told my wife without getting caught although she said she could tell something was up. She was hurt and we sought help through counseling and church leaders. We are good for now and she has sort of forgiven me, but I still feel horrible. I cut the other woman off abruptly but I still think of her. I tried to tell my wife my thoughts but she won’t hear it. I don’t want to screw up the good thing I have now but something inside can’t stop caring for this other person. Honestly, I would rather be dead then divorce my wife. I have read countless websites dedicated to getting over someone, but they are mostly for guys who are dumped. None in my situation.
After reading all of these women’s stories my heart is saddened and I feel for them. It has helped me find a little strength to stay the course of putting my bad behavior behind me. I am sorry for what they have all gone through. I wish I was better than I was. If I could help any of the women here, is would be to say you don’t deserve what has been done to you. I hope you find peace and healing from the wounds us stupid husbands have caused.
Your guy probably doesn’t deserve it, but if you decide to stick it out, you’ll probably need to accept that your man is sick and in need of help, but you don’t need to enable him further. Stay strong and give him a choice. I have chosen to stick with the one that has proven her love over many years. I have not been back to the club since and I don’t feel the need to go. Here is a man hoping to do the right thing where so many have failed.
Texting a younger woman
My husband and I have known this girl for 15 years because she previously dated my son, but in last 6 months my husband has been obsessed with her. She's 29 years old and has 2 kids. It started as him picking up her child at school, then secretly spending time with her alone. Now he's secretly texting her behind my back and he deleted the text but not before I read it. He was asking her if she was home and she said yes but couldn't come out because her child was home. She texted she was free that Monday and he replied OK catch up with you later. She claims nothing is going on, and he just gets defensive when I confront him. So this tells me they both are being dishonest about these messages, but I'm not going to tolerate it anymore. Should I leave or stay because he's already had an affair 2 years ago, now this?
My neighbor is texting me
This is not about my husband, I dumped him years ago. I'm currently in a new relationship and very happy in it. My issue is this, I moved into my current home 3 years ago, a very friendly, quiet estate and get on really well with all my neighbors. A few of them I have got to know well, and become friends in person and on FB. A few weeks ago one of my neighbors husbands starting sending me messages on FB messenger, innocent messages just asking if I was okay. I do suffer with my health sometimes which my neighbors know about, so nothing amiss there.
However a few nights ago he messaged me with a different tone, he told me he'd had a few beers and was bored. I told him I was ill with the flu. He then started saying he wanted to come round and have some 'fun'. I said no. He persisted, I still said no and asked where his wife was. He told me she was asleep. He then started to say he was on his way round. I told him again no. I then put my phone on silent and went back to bed, I'd got up as I was coughing badly. As I got back into bed I heard him coming down the communal stairs in our flats. I was horrified so turned all the lights off and kept very quiet. Once he realized or guessed I was back in bed, he turned round and went back to his flat.
In the morning I read the other messages he'd sent after I had put my phone on silent, after more of the same his last message was to say sorry. I feel mortified by this and that he has ruined everything for me in living here. But do I move, do I tell his wife? Part of me thinks to ignore it as a stupid drunk one off incident, part of me feels the wife has a right to know.
I can empathize!
I had a weird feeling out of the blue one day and took my husband's phone from him. There were texts about how they loved each other, how she was waiting on him to leave me, how they were going to get married and how their families should meet. I was floored. Mine is an alcoholic too. I wish I'd left him. Now I'm just waiting for him to die. (I know that sounds horrible, but he has liver disease and he won't quit drinking, so really, it is a long, ugly waiting game) God bless you!
Getting married in 8 days
I woke up yesterday morning to my fiancé’s alarm. I stayed like I was asleep and faked snored. He thought I was asleep. He unlocked his phone and boom right on my face a naked picture of his ex-girlfriend from high school. Now mind you, we are 31 years old. I’ve had issues with this one woman years ago in the past. Thought it was over. I immediately jumped up out of bed and started punching him in his face. Busted his lip. Oh… how that felt good! He immediately started crying and saying sorry. He wouldn’t show his messages, even though I begged and begged. He said it would only make it worse. He said he loves me and our son. The same day he changed his phone number and gave me the password to his phone. He said they have been talking for less than a few days. He got her number from a friend. It’s literally 8 days before our wedding. What do I do?
Close Family Friend
This February, we'll be married for 24 years. As with every marriage, there have been some ups and downs, but most of that time has been wonderful. We went through serious financial difficulty 2x, almost splitting up for good 8 years ago. I wanted to split up because we couldn't see eye to eye on money issues and it caused us to disagree to the point of no return. However, he was persistent and just wouldn't leave me be. I just gave in and decided to try again. He's just charming and irresistible. I was all in and we were making changes, spending more time together.
Then I started to notice he seemed distant and treated me like a nuisance sometimes. About 4 years ago, I noticed it more and more but blamed myself. Meanwhile, there was this family that had been close to his family growing up. They had 2 boys and a girl. I always remember this girl (she was much younger and very ugly) staring at my husband with googly eyes, smiling and flirting. I never thought anything of it. My husband used to visit the mother and father and stopped over especially when he learned the father was sick. The woman would call and text my husband and I thought nothing of it.
Until I noticed how she stared at him at a restaurant. Then he talked about how her husband was angry and yelled at him. None of it made sense. Then one day I'm driving with my husband and he gets a text, then a call and he tells her he has to hang up.... Very strange. And then to make matters worse, my 15-year-old daughter saw text messages from this woman on her dad’s iPad. Texts like "hi special friend", a few more flirty words, then something about picking up lunch and bringing it to him while he worked on our rental (while I'm at work). Text that suggests they get dinner while I'm away on business.
I was mortified and I confronted him. He grabbed the iPad and erased everything. The next day I contacted the other woman’s husband so he would know what was happening. He proceeds to tell me that he found out they were texting the year before and decided nothing happened, although his wife said she talked to my husband about things she couldn't talk to her own husband about. Again, I was completely shocked. I looked through the phone records and there was a ton of texts and 5-6 calls a day for long periods of time.
He said it was a friend thing, that was flirty and nothing happened, however inappropriate the text was. I believed him. 8 months went by and now it’s close to Christmas. I got a call from the other woman's husband that he saw my husband and his wife sitting in my car in a parking lot. My husband made an excuse that she saw him and leaned into the car window to say hi. Turns out she was in my car.....
I started checking phone records again and she was calling him from various phone numbers... They were still talking to each other. Now my husband says that the other woman is a stalker. She calls and follows him around. The fact is, he was still talking to her... Still swears nothing physical happened but why would she continue to call? There must have been physical contact otherwise she would have gotten the hint.
I am completely devastated. I couldn't understand why he was acting soooo different and standoffish. But now I know it’s because he was busy with someone else. This has carried on for 2+ years. I don't want to break up but I can't let it go. We have 3 children together. The youngest will be a senior in HS next year. Others are in college. I'd like to spare my youngest but I don't know how. He apologizes and then gets nasty when I tell him how I feel about things. I will not be manipulated. This is not my doing.
I’m an idiot
Our baby was just 6 months old when I found a trail of messages going back months, telling some woman I didn’t know that he loved her and hated me yet (amongst many other things). I had no signs from him that this was going on as we were happy together. I chose counseling and to forgive him.
Fast forward to two weeks prior to giving birth to my second child. He fell asleep drunk with his phone open and I found emails to a woman in Russia trying to get a visa from him and he was making her false promises in return for dirty photos. I was so intent on not getting stressed while pregnant I just told him he was an idiot and let him stay.
Fast forward again 5 years later and a woman contacts me out of the blue admitting she’s been on and off with him for 10 years (we’ve only been married for 8 years). Her name is the exact as my eldest daughter. Heart-wrenching stuff. Don’t be so quick to forgive and let him stay or you end up feeling as stupid as I do now. He has tried to worm his way out each time with lies and more lies. Always secretive with his phone - a good sign to look out for! It’s time to go and not look back.
26 years, 4 solid episodes. It’s always the same... calls, texts, Facebook messages, never admitting anything more. We have 4 kids and 3 grandchildren. This most recent time somehow feels like the final straw. He likely does love me and our family.... and I love him.... but this feeling in the pit of my stomach is gnawing away at me and slowly I feel like I am dying inside. I told him how incredibly sad I am right now... not even angry. He keeps saying he is my life partner. I want a life of joy... I am just sad. Even rocks fracture.
Husband is a sexter and has cheated... why won't I leave?
I have caught my husband 3 times over the years inappropriately texting other women. The last time I caught him was over a year ago. He admitted then that he had slept with one of them. He also admitted to having a sex addiction problem.
Fast forward - he put himself through counseling and says he has overcome this. However, I do have confirmation he has a separate work phone again and I have reason to suspect he is texting someone again. Reasons I haven't left is there is too much invested - 3 children ages 16, 12 and 11 who have no idea what is going on because our relationship is so good and we do spend a lot of time together as a family. Other reasons are our financial investments, been together over 20 yrs. I know I can handle being single, but I love my life with our family. So torn on what to do. I don't even feel devastated that he is probably cheating on me again. I've thought of doing my own thing on the side, but haven't acted on it. I almost have accepted the fact that in all marriages there is cheating and is there a point to leaving?
Why I never learn
My husband sent a Facebook message saying "How's the hottest woman I know doing?" and it wasn't to me. I left the message open on his computer screen and went to work.
We will have been married 21 years on Sept 21st. I am 50. He is 58.
He has admitted to a few affairs over the years and I chose to stay married and raise our two kids in a stable home environment. The "lady" in question is one of my "suspects" from a few years ago.
I guess I'm now ready to pull the plug.
Why didn't I ever learn?
Texting another woman
Last January, I discovered my husband talking and texting with another woman. I then looked over our cell bill... 162 texts in one day and hours on the phone. He first had multiple arrays of excuses... but I didn't buy any of them. He promised he would never talk to her again... But it was a lie. I caught them snapchatting, which doesn't show on your phone bill. During this time, our relationship was rough and his treatment of me was terrible. My gut was telling me something was up and now it made sense.
This February I confronted him again, asking "are you talking to her". This I knew was true, but he denied it and I asked him how easy it was to lie to my face. He then admitted he was talking to her thru snapchat. I asked at a later time if he ever stopped and he said yes. I asked how long it had been since he stopped and he said: "I don't know". Then I told him I wanted the truth and he told me he stopped for 2 weeks. He said I need to believe him that he won't talk to her and I need to just trust him. I replied I thought that was what I was already doing. I don't trust him and probably never will and he will most likely do it again...I want out.
My husband's alarm was going off on his phone this morning. When I went to shut it off, I noticed he had a text from his ex-girlfriend. Needless to say, they were texting inappropriate things. This is the third time and her being 1 of 2 that I know of. He tells me his therapist says he does it when he is mad at me because he is being passive-aggressive. I think I need to get out now but I’m going to try therapy for our 3-year-old's sake.
Too tired to care anymore
My husband is like many described here. He’s a generally nice guy but doesn't have a clue about having a proper marital relationship. In the beginning I had a lot of issues with depression. He chose to deal with it by sleeping with some woman he met online. After denying it for so long he finally half admitted to it, even though I spoke to the woman and she confirmed what happened.
A couple of years later he said he no longer wished to be romantic with me in any way but he wanted to remain friends because I was his best friend. He also wanted a divorce. He claims to want to be alone but it's a lie. He has another cell phone that he uses to talk to the gaggle of women he talks to. He tells them he loves them, gives them money.
He thinks that what he is doing is ok. He won't even admit that he's doing anything wrong. I used to get angry at the women, but it's him. I finally got a chance to look at that phone. I wasn't even upset about it anymore. I just don't care anymore.