Rules for Coparenting: Key Guidelines for Successful Co-Parenting

Let's face it; divorce is hard on everyone in the family, especially the children. These single parenting tips and rules for coparenting can help you do what's best for your children, whether you are currently going through a divorce or if your divorce is final.

By using the following tips, you can create consistency in your kids' lives and build a co-parenting relationship with your ex to help ease their transition after divorce. The rules are written as they would apply to you, because ultimately you can't control what your ex will do. Hopefully if you model healthy coparenting behavior, your ex will follow suit.

Co-parenting Tips for Divorced Moms

by Brette Sember, J.D.

healthy rules for coparenting

Encourage Your Child's Relationship with the Other Parent

Children need to feel free to love both their parents without having to hide those feelings in front of either parent.

  • I will encourage my child to have a good relationship with the other parent and to spend meaningful time with him or her. 

  • I will remember that having a good relationship with both parents is important for my child's development. 

  • I will not make my child feel guilty for having fun with or enjoying the other parent's company. 

  • I will not ask my child to carry messages to the other parent. Children should not be in the middle of parental disputes. 

  • I will not say derogatory things about the other parent in front of my child. 

Be the Best Parent You Can Be 

When both parents can commit to putting their child’s needs first, every other part of co-parenting becomes easier. 

  • I will not try to be someone I am not and instead will have a natural relationship with my child that is true to who we both are. 

  • I will not make promises to my child that I cannot keep. 

  • I will focus on enjoying the time I spend with my child, and not worrying or being upset about the time I don't spend with my child. 

  • I will not treat my child as a friend, a shoulder to cry on, or a confidante. I will find emotional support elsewhere. 

  • I will not ask my child if he or she likes me better, has more fun with me, or is happier at my house.

Respect Your Ex's Parenting Time

When it’s your ex’s time parenting time, allow your children to enjoy it fully, without guilt trips or subtle digs about your ex.

  • I will remember that parents do not "visit" with their children. Instead, I will remember that children and parents live together, no matter how short a time they have together. 

  • I will not use scheduling tactics to try to reduce the other parent's time with my child.

  • I will not try to suggest to my child that he or she cut short time with the other parent, miss scheduled time, or tell the other parent he or she doesn't want to be go with that parent.

  • I will not pump my child for information about what happens at the other parent's home or for information about the other parent's life. 

Keep Evolving Together as Co-Parents  

Life happens and flexibility is what keeps co-parenting peaceful. A spirit of cooperation builds goodwill for the future, and your kids will notice that you’re both willing to work together for their benefit.  

  • I will remember that no one is a perfect parent and we are both going to make mistakes. 

  • I will try to always speak to the other parent in a civil, respectful manner and if things get out of hand, I will end the conversation until we have both calmed down. 

  • I will try to save negotiations and discussions with the other parent for a time when my child cannot overhear. 

  • I will try to be flexible with schedule changes and will remember that my child benefits when the other parent and I are able to work out problems on our own. 

  • I will try to be on time for all transfers, as much as possible.

I will remember that my ultimate goal should be to raise, a happy, healthy, and well-adjusted child.

The Rules for Coparenting Aren't About Perfection

You don’t have to be perfect to be a great co-parent. What matters most is putting in the effort to be a good parent, respecting your ex, and doing what's best for your kids. Every step you take toward peaceful co-parenting will ultimately benefit your kids. 

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