The Steps Of Divorce
Answers From The Expert
Even though the steps of divorce follow a similar sequence, each state has different requirements at each stage, so you need to check with your state divorce laws to find out how to proceed in your case. You can read a detailed explanation about the general steps of divorce in our article about the divorce process, or you can read the following questions and answers to get a better understanding about your individual circumstances:
What is the easiest way to get a divorce started?
Laura's Question: What is the easiest way to get a divorce started? Do I need to hire a divorce lawyer? How do I file for temporary custody and maintenance?
Brette's Answer: It is a good idea to meet with an attorney for a consultation so that you can get some idea of the process and expense involved. You can also discuss temporary orders for custody, child support, and alimony. You might want to consider working with a mediator if possible as well.
Where can I find a step by step list showing the divorce process?
Nan's Question: At what point can a person change their decision to go thru with a divorce? And where can I find a step by step list showing exactly what the process is? Brette's Answer: Go to your state court web site and look for divorce self-help or pro se information. There is likely an entire packet that lays out the process. (You can also read through this overview of the divorce process, which gives the general steps to expect). You can change your mind at any point before the final decree, but that doesn't mean your spouse changes his mind. You both have to agree to withdraw the case.
What kind of divorce should I get if I just want it to be over?
Ana's Question: We separated 2 months after we got married, and are both now involved in different relationships. We don't want anything from each other and just to have our marriage ended. What kind of divorce should I get?
Brette's Answer: It sounds like you should just do a simple uncontested divorce. One of you can do the paperwork on your own. Talk to an attorney to get more information. »Return to top
What is a default divorce?
Brette's Answer: A default divorce is when one party does not respond or appear in court and the case proceeds without him or her.
Is a default divorce valid in all states?
Clara's Question: We lived in Orlando for 4 years and then separated. I moved to Georgia and after some time got an uncontested divorce done (since I didn't know where my spouse was living at the time). Now I have moved back to Orlando and have came across my ex husband recently. Is the divorce valid or is there a way to validate the divorce here in Orlando?
Brette's Answer: The divorce is valid. You're all set as long as it was done properly and some attempt was made to locate him or notify him (even if you were unable to).
Who moves out when a divorce is filed?
Fae's Question: When someone is served divorce papers, who has to leave the house?
Brette's Answer: The fact that a divorce case has been started has nothing to do with occupancy of the home. Filing the papers does not mean someone has to leave. You can both continue to live there, agree who will move out, or you can ask the court to decide on a motion for exclusive temporary residency of the home while the case is pending. »Return to top
How do I get support until the divorce is final?
Cheryl's Question: I just filed for divorce and we have the first court date coming up. How do I get support from him until our divorce is final. I can't imagine that the court would expect that one should have to go without financial support for the duration of the process.
Brette's Answer: You need to make a motion for temporary support. You can find out more information by reading the faqs on temporary support.
What should I do before getting a divorce?
Marilyn's Question: My husband admitted that he intends to divorce me after our children graduate from high school. I am a homemaker, and now he wants me to find a job, after telling me not to for all these years. I can't help feeling like a sitting duck. What can I do now to protect myself?
Brette's Answer: I think you would be well advised to meet with an attorney to gather information and get some advice. This does not mean you should let him know you're doing so or that you should take any other action at this point. However, talking to someone who can review your situation and suggest what steps you should or should not take right now would most likely not only help you feel more secure, but put you in a better position. Good luck. »Return to top
Do I need an attorney to get a divorce?
Millie's Question: Do I need an attorney for a divorce? We have a house, cars, a child together.
Brette's Answer: If you can afford an attorney, I recommend using one. In some situations, when funds are low or the entire thing is agreed upon it can be ok to do the divorce yourself - but you must use your state forms and follow the procedure carefully. However it is always important to consult with an attorney to make sure you know your rights. You might also want to consider divorce mediation, where you and your husband work with a mediator to negotiate the terms of your divorce.
How do I get a divorce if I can't afford an attorney?
Lois' Question: I have been separated for 13+ years. I am engaged and would like to re-marry, but we cannot afford a lawyer. So, how can I get a divorce?
Brette's Answer: You can do a simple uncontested divorce. It's quick and simple. Check your state court web site for forms or go to the court clerk's office.
How long does it take to get a divorce?
Vanessa's Question: How long does the divorce process take, from beginning to end?
Brette's Answer: How long it will take for your divorce to be final depends on a lot of factors - whether your husband contests it, how backed up the courts are in your area, and what you ask for. If you have an uncontested divorce it is a matter of months, but if you and your spouse do not agree expect it to take more than a year, up to two years. »Return to top
How long will it take to get an uncontested divorce?
Tracy's Question: How long does a non-contested divorce usually take?
Brette's Answer: It depends on your state, but in general they are quick if there is no mandated waiting period or court back ups. A couple of months should do it. What does it mean if the court says your case has been dismissed?
Connie's Question: What does it mean when the court says your case has been dismissed? I have mailed out the papers 3 times and all 3 times they have come back.
Brette's Answer: It means the case has been closed by the court, often because a deadline has been missed or because the judge felt it had no merit. Call the court clerk's office and find out what happened. You can probably open a new case.
Can you get a divorce before reaching a settlement?
Jill's Question: Have you ever heard of a divorce before any settlement? What are the dangers of this?
Brette's Answer: Some courts will grant a divorce and reserve the property division to be determined at a later date. One concern can be that you no longer have the leverage of holding up the divorce to get what you want. »Return to top
Will an existing prenuptial agreement speed up the divorce?
Renee's Question: My husband and I signed a prenup before we got married. What effect will it have on the length of our divorce?
Brette's Answer: If you have a prenup and no one is contesting it, your divorce would be relatively simple, unless you do not agree about what constitutes marital assets vs. separate assets.
Will a prenup affect my ability to get financial support?
Tara's Question: How would it affect my chances of getting financial support from my soon to be ex if I signed a prenup prior the marriage. Also, do you have an idea of how much the amount would be?
Brette's Answer: If you signed a prenup, then those are the terms that will guide the financial distribution and spousal support. You should see an attorney who can go over it with you. »Return to top
Is a divorce held in a state or federal court?
Stephanie's Question: My husband and I are looking at getting a divorce. Will it be held in a state or federal court?
Brette's Answer: Divorce is always held in a state court. Good luck.
Who pays for the cost of the divorce?
Maxine's Question: Who pays for the divorce if the wife goes to a lawyer first and gives him money? Brette's Answer: It makes no difference who talks to an attorney first and pays an attorney. The costs of the divorce are often split, but this is definitely something that can be negotiated. Often the moneyed spouse pays all or most of the cost.
How do I proceed with a military divorce?
Erika's Question: Do you know where I might find information about military divorces?
Brette's Answer: You should become familiar with the Uniformed Services Former Spouses' Protection Act, which you can Google. There's also a site similar to this one with an ask the editor feature at http://www.4militaryfamilies.com/divorce.htm. This site: http://usmilitary.about.com/od/divorce/ has some good general information as well. Good luck! »Return to top
Do we have to go to court to settle our divorce?
Loretta's Question: I want to get a divorce without going to court. Can we solve this problem between our attorneys?
Brette's Answer: A court is necessary to finalize any divorce, but you do not need to go to a trial. You can reach an agreement using attorneys, or you can go to mediation and reach a settlement there. Any settlement must be submitted to and approved by the court.
Do I have to go to the hearing if I'm not contesting the divorce?
Maria's Question: My husband filed for divorce and the date has been set. Nothing was contested, all property has been divided, our daughters are grown, etc. Do I have to attend the final hearing?
Brette's Answer: If you have signed documents agreeing to everything already, the hearing is just a formality. However, you should be aware that if you don't go, you waive your opportunity to be heard should there be a problem with something. »Return to top
What if he doesn't show up for the court hearing?
Helen's Question: I filed for divorce from my alcoholic husband. The first hearing is scheduled in two weeks. Initially my husband promised to sign the papers, but I am not sure if he will even show up in court. What will happen if he does not?
Brette's Answer: Assuming he was legally served, the case will proceed as uncontested. This means that by not showing up, he takes himself out of the equation. He has no say or input on the case from that point forward. The judge will consider the requests you make and make all the decisions - alimony, property, custody, child support and so on, without his point of view at all.
What does it mean if there's a conference scheduled?
Haydee's Question: I filed a divorce last October, and this April filed the request to enter default as ordered by the judge. I check my case status online every day and today I found out that there's a conference scheduled. What does it mean?
Brette's Answer: It depends on what it means in your area. It could mean a courtroom appearance. It could mean an off the record meeting with the judge's law clerk. Call the court clerk's office and ask.
How should I prepare for court if I'm filing Pro Se?
Melissa's Question: I received the marital settlement agreement, had a lawyer review it, and everything seems to be in order and what we agreed to. Since I am representing myself, is there anything specific I need to do besides show up for the court date? Also, will I get to see a copy of the settlement terms/papers on the court date?
Brette's Answer: Dress nicely, be on time, don't chew gum, turn off your cell phone, don't bring food or drink, and try not to be nervous. It is likely the judge will ask you a few questions. Just answer them honestly. If you'd like, you can be sure the document the court has matches the one you signed. Just ask if you can examine it.
How can I represent myself in court if I can't speak?
Question: My lawyer withdrew from my case (she did not win any of her arguments in the past 2 yrs). I checked the on line docket of the court and see that the court allowed her to leave and the court made me pro se. Now the judge has decided to finish the divorce decree. I wrote my husband's lawyer that there are outstanding items (husband refuses to pay money he owes me, refuses to give me copies of my IRS taxes he has kept for all of the yrs, and my premarital belongings) before divorce decree goes through. He refuses to cooperate. The court knows I am disabled and cannot speak. I ask the Judicial support office if I may write to the judge and no one has responded. Now I see in the docket that divorce records were sent to husband's attorney. Does this sound legal?
Brette's Answer: Yes, records in the case are available to either party. You could hire another attorney. You are saying you are disabled and unable to speak - I would suggest you bring someone with you to the next court appearance who can communicate on your behalf so that the court understands you disability. You could also have someone call the court clerk's office in advance and explain this situation. Your rights are not protected if you cannot communicate during the proceeding. Accommodations must be made. »Return to top
Can the court appearance postponed until I get a lawyer?
Karen's Question: I was just served with divorce papers, and the court date is less than a week away. I have no money or lawyer at this time. How can I get the court appearance postponed until I have time to get a lawyer?
Brette's Answer: You have several options. Call the court clerk and ask for a postponement. If they will not postpone in time for you to have counsel, appear at the court date and tell the judge you need time to have an attorney review the papers. You could also hire someone and have him call to postpone. » Return to top
Can I postpone the court hearing because of my job?
Latifa's Question: I just started a new job, and can't attend a court hearing for child support. Can I have it postponed?
Brette's Answer: If you are unable to attend, you call the court clerk and ask to have it rescheduled. You may be required to get permission from the other side. Be aware that sometimes a court will not reschedule a court hearing - you're expected to adjust your life around the court's schedule and not vice versa. Will he miss the court hearing if he's in jail?
Question: I was just wondering if your husband is in jail, will they transport him to family court? Or will he have to miss our hearing?
Brette's Answer: In most states he is transported. Good luck.
Can I personally contact the Family Court Judge?
Peg's Question: My so-called "easy" divorce is taking over 2 yrs. It was supposed to be done last March. There are no major complications, no custody issues, no debts, but lots of assets to split. I think the lawyers are lining their pockets, and we are both scratching our heads on why so long! We've never been before the Judge, and don't know what our lawyers are saying in our behalf behind closed doors. Can I personally contact our Family Court Judge to find out why it is taking so long?
Brette's Answer: The judge will not take your call. You could call his or her law clerk though. It's unlikely he or she will be able to tell you. The best course of action is to try to pin your lawyer down. Find out exactly what's going on and when. Insist that the case be wrapped up. Go to the next court appearance if you want. »Return to top
Can my divorce be moved to another county?
Harriet's Question: My divorce has been going on for the past three years, and is still pending in the courts. Can I transfer all my records to another county since I moved 150 miles away from the town where the divorce was filed?
Brette's Answer: I think you're asking if your divorce can be moved to a different locale, and the answer to that is no. It has to be heard in the state and place where the grounds for divorce occurred. »Return to top
Is a social security number required to get a divorce?
Emilie's Question: I want to divorce my husband, whom I have not seen him for more than five years. The last time I spoke to him he was in prison. Do I need his Social Security Number to file a divorce? If so how do I get it?
Brette's Answer: In most states you do need to provide this number. If you have tax returns, it should be on there. If you are unable to obtain the number, it's likely the court would waive the requirement.
Do I have to include my address on the divorce papers?
Nikki's Question: Is it necessary to put the exact street address in the divorce papers? My husband does not know where I live, and I do not want him too. He is bi-polar, and I am a little afraid of what he might do. I live with a family member, and do not want him causing trouble at their house.
Brette's Answer: You need court permission to leave it out. Good luck. » Return to top
Status of Divorce
Jackie's Question: My husband filed for divorce more than six months ago, but I have not heard anything yet. How long after getting an index number (which identifies the case in the court system) are the papers good for? Am I going to have to file for a divorce myself?
Brette's Answer: You should call the court clerk's office and ask them the status of this case. Ask if they have your correct address. Normally you should have heard something by now, but there is no way of knowing the status unless you call and ask. » Return to top
What will happen at the first meeting with our lawyers?
Holly's Question: I am going to my first meeting between my husband's attorney and mine. What kind of questions is his attorney going to ask me?
Brette's Answer: Since your attorney will be there, you can relax. He or she will tell you if you should answer any questions or allow him or her to speak for you. This is a settlement meeting - not a cross examination. The goal is to try to reach an agreement.
Scheduling A Settlement Conference
Lee Ann's Question: The judge spoke with my attorney in a conference call, and ordered "the parties and their counsel to meet for an unsupervised settlement conference. This was over four months ago. My husband's attorney has never replied to repeated attempts by my attorney to schedule this meeting. Is there any time limit on how long they have to respond? Or do I just have to wait?
Brette's Answer: You really need to talk to your attorney about this. Some states have time limits in which they want cases concluded. 4 months is a long time to wait for a conference. I think you should call your attorney and press him or her about this and say you need to get this resolved and he or she needs to get in touch with the other attorney. If there is truly no response from the other side, the case can go back to court. » Return to top
What should I expect from a case management conference?
Monica's Question: My spouse and I have been separated for 18 yrs. He is in one state and I am in another. I filed for divorce because neither of us wants to move to where each other is. He hasn't signed papers, so he is in default. I am scheduled to go to a case management conference (don't know exactly what that is) in two weeks, a bit scared and don't know what to expect.
Brette's Answer: Don't be scared! A case management conference is usually with the judge's law clerk where the attempt is usually made to settle the case. Since he hasn't appeared, it's just you. It should be very quick and simple. You'll just discuss how the case will proceed from here and what you need to do next. Nothing to be frightened of, very straightforward.
When Your Case Isn't Moving Forward
Angela's Question: I filed for a divorce two years ago and we are waiting on a hearing date. Is there any thing I can do to speed up this process?
Brette's Answer: First I would talk to your attorney to find out why it is taking so long for your case to move forward. If you don't want to wait for the hearing, you and your spouse can go to mediation to see if a mediator can help you reach an agreement. Mediation is generally quicker and cheaper than a contested court hearing. Good luck. » Return to top
What if nothing has happened since the counterclaim was filed?
Claudine's Question: I filed for the divorce based on the grounds of abandonment, and my so-called husband contested the divorce and sent his counterclaim. My lawyer sent a response and a notice of appearance to his lawyer - since then, it's complete silence. My lawyer told me that he has not heard from his lawyer. How can I get the divorce to move forward?
Brette's Answer: You should ask your attorney to move ahead with scheduling a court date. Good luck.
Why there are so many court dates
Karyn's Question: Why does it take so long and why are there so many court dates in order to get a divorce?
Brette's Answer: The explanation is that there is a procedure that must be followed and it just takes time. Is it too complicated? I think it is. I think that divorce is far too inaccessible for many people. Additionally, frankly, having many court dates is an incentive to get people to settle. The courts are busy and so court dates end up spread apart, instead of happening all at once. » Return to top
What can I do if my ex keeps taking me back to court?
Kelli's Question: One full year after our divorce, my ex is taking me back to court a 2nd time claiming contempt, that I am preventing the sale of our house, which I occupy. The first time realtors were present stating that I have been cooperative and nothing is out of line. I think my ex is doing this because he knows that I need to retain an attorney and cannot afford to do so. Can I counter-sue that should he do this again, that he pays my legal expenses?
Brette's Answer: Yes, you can make a motion that he pay your fees and be penalized for bringing cases without merit.
Can I make him sign the settlement agreement if he refuses?
Jean's Question: I have had a signed mediation agreement for over a month now. Next step is the Separation Agreement to be signed. My husband will not sign this document and states he can take as long as he wants to take, even years. My attorney confirmed he can take as long as he likes also. I don't understand how this can be legal? Is there some law that can help me get my divorce over with - it's been almost a year.
Brette's Answer: Of course it's legal. No one can be forced to sign a voluntary agreement. If you get to the point where he won't sign it, your only option is to commence a divorce case. Have you tried asking him why he won't sign it? Does he want to renegotiate? Find that out and go from there. » Return to top
Stalling the Divorce Process
Shelley's Question: What can be done if a spouse is intentionally holding up the divorce, (i.e. not taking required parenting classes, refusing to settle, etc.). My attorney says that my husband's attorney won't return phone calls. He has suggested that we can go back to court and file a motion to hold them in contempt of court and set up another court date. Can you please give us some ideas about what options we have?
Brette's Answer: Some spouses do this kind of thing as a delaying tactic. What you would need to do is make the court aware of your spouse's failure to follow through on these orders. You can go back to court with a motion, but in addition ask that he pay your attorney fees resulting from the delay. You're in a good position to have that granted. Also, if your attorney lets his attorney know you're going to ask for that, they'll be sure to quickly process the paperwork and you may be able to avoid the whole thing. Usually a court will give someone a few opportunities to follow through by threatening contempt of court and so on. Once the court is convinced the spouse will never follow through, things will move ahead.
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What is the consent to divorce and jurisdiction form?
Maggie's Question: My husband filed uncontested divorce and his lawyer ask him to make me sign the "consent to divorce and jurisdiction" form. What will happen if I don't sign this form?
Brette's Answer: You don't have to sign anything. It sounds like it is a form saying you are not contesting the divorce. It would be wise to have an attorney review anything before you sign it.
Can I get engaged before the divorce is finalized?
Sheri's Question: I filed for divorce over two years ago, and my ex has refused to sign the papers. Can I get engaged before my papers are signed?
Brette's Answer: An engagement is not a legal contract like a marriage. You can get engaged while your divorce is pending. » Return to top
How soon can I remarry after I file for a divorce?
Nicky's Question: I want to get remarried and have started the divorce proceeding, but my ex didn't sign the papers and we have to go back to court. How long do I have to wait before I can remarry?
Brette's Answer: You cannot remarry until your divorce is final. Once it is final you are free to remarry. Some states have a waiting period that must be met before you remarry, so be sure to check the laws of your state.
Could a judge declare me single before the papers are final?
Kesha's Question: How can I get a Judge to declare me single before my papers are final and can I get married before my papers come?
Brette's Answer: You're not single until your papers are finalized and no judge can make an exception. Good luck. » Return to top
Can my husband obtain my cell phone bill and records?
Lynn's Question: Can my husband legally obtain my cell phone bill and records during the time we were living together? The phone is in my name only as is the bill. Brette's Answer: Not unless he has them subpoenaed. Good luck.
How can I stop my husband from videotaping me?
Deborah's Question: My husband and I are divorcing, but are still living in the same home with our two young children. My husband has made several attempts and has possibly been successful, to either video tape me or record me when I am taking care of my children. Is there anything that I can do to stop him from doing this?
Brette's Answer: Ask your attorney if it is illegal to tape someone without permission in your state. If so, the evidence would not be admissible. You need to also talk with your attorney about getting an order of exclusive residency, which would require him to move out. This sounds like a volatile situation and I urge you to get legal advice and act carefully. Good luck. » Return to top
Is financial disclosure required if we can reach an agreement?
Jacqui's Question: Do we have to make full financial disclosure if we have reached an amicable agreement? Will it delay the divorce if we don't.
Brette's Answer: You have to complete the financial disclosure. This is important so that the court can see what your finances look like and so that you disclose to each other what your finances are. If you don't complete it, you won't get a divorce. You should talk to an attorney to get some advice. » Return to top
How do I make him provide the financial disclosure information?
Beverley's Question: My husband's attorney nor my husband will provide me with a current paycheck stub, current balance of his 401K or IRA. How to I go about getting a subpoena for release of records from my husband's plan administrator of 401K, Fidelity IRA account and current paycheck stub? I was also advised to have an appraiser look at our home and personal property and value it. My husband's attorney says I have to go through him and my husband has to approve of the appraiser.
Brette's Answer: You need to ask the court to issue the subpoena on your behalf. You can hire any appraiser you want. If your husband and his attorney will not comply, you need to ask the court to direct them to comply. File a motion.
What if he doesn't provide proper documents for financial disclosure?
Patti's Question: My ex typed up the mortgage information rather than submit the bank mortgage printouts of payments He also typed up his tax-sheltered annuity figures rather than submit the company information. How can I get the proper documentation?
Brette's Answer: You just need to ask the court to order him to provide copies of the actual documents. If not, you or your attorney can just subpoena them. » Return to top
Can I get a copy of the financial disclosure?
Linda's Question: Am I legally entitled to a copy of all of the financial disclosure papers that was filled out by my spouse during our divorce proceeding? My attorney has never asked me if I wanted a copy.
Brette's Answer: Most definitely. Ask for a copy immediately. Best of luck to you. » Return to top
Can I get copies of the transcripts from the deposition?
Teresa's Question: Are transcripts from your deposition considered private information or can I release copies of them to whomever I choose?
Brette's Answer: Actually they are usually copyrighted by the transcriptionist and you need to purchase copies. But there is nothing to stop you from sharing them as long as the records are not sealed.
Can I block my Social Security number on the divorce papers?
Erica's Question: Is there any way to have my social security number blocked so my husband won't see it on the divorce papers?
Brette's Answer: You can ask the court to keep this information private, but you will likely need to explain why you are making the request.
How do I get a copy of my Marital Settlement agreement?
Charlotte's Question: How do I get a copy of the Marital Settlement agreement? Is this something that's usually sent to the divorcees after the divorce or do I have to pick it up from the court myself?
Brette's Answer: You should receive a copy of your judgment from the court, which will either attach the settlement or restate everything that is in it. » Return to top
How do I get a copy of divorce decree?
Danielle's Question: My ex won't give me a copy of the divorce decree. How do I go about getting a copy of my divorce decree?
Brette's Answer: A copy of the decree is supposed to be served on you. Look through your files for information such as the summons, a petition, some piece of paper that will give the case number. If you can't locate this information, it would be in the county the divorce was filed. Divorce files can be searched for by names, so you should ask for that when you contact the county courthouse. » Return to top
Where does the court send copies of the finalized divorce?
Heather's Question: Who is the responsible party for providing you with signed copies of the finalized paperwork signed by all parties. It was my understanding that the lawyer would give you copies when this was finished.
Brette's Answer: Documents that are signed by the court are sent out by the court, but if you are represented by an attorney, your copy goes to the attorney. However, you are entitled to a copy of anything you signed.
How long does a lawyer keep a copy of the divorce?
Darla's Question: My divorce was finalized last summer, and I just called my lawyer to ask for my file and a copy of the divorce papers. I was told that they destroyed the file 8 months after the divorce was finalized. How long are they required to keep divorce files?
Brette's Answer: Most attorneys store files for at least seven years. You should contact the Bar grievance committee for your state. » Return to top
How can I get a copy of an old divorce decree?
Linda's Question: My husband and I have been married 18 years. Recently his ex wife from the 1960's called to see if we had copies of the divorce papers. We do not have a copy either but my husband remembers having them. The attorney is now deceased. What are our recourses to be certain he is divorced?
Brette's Answer: Contact the state vital records department or the court clerk of the court where the case was held. Good luck.
What is the date of entry for the final decree?
Donna's Question: Is the date of entry of the final decree when the judge signed the decree or when the decree was filed into the courts?
Brette's Answer: You should consult with your attorney or call the court clerk to get a clear answer on how your state interprets this. Generally, entry means filing, but you do need to check to be sure. » Return to top
Official date of divorce
Denise's Question: I filed for a Summary Dissolution, and filed the final judgment six months later. Which date is the official divorce date, the date that I filed or the date that the court entered the judgment?
Brette's Answer: In most cases, the date of dissolution is the date of the final judgment entered by the court. However, a court can indicate a different date in the judgment if it chooses.
Can a finalized divorce be retracted?
Sarah's Question: Can you have a finalized divorce dissolved, making it as if it never happened? Or will you have to remarry?
Brette's Answer: If it final and signed, the marriage has legally ended. You can remarry however.
Can I be arrested if he's accusing me of lying in the divorce?
Gracy's Question: I have been divorced for over 2 years. My ex-husband calls and leaves message telling me that he is going to have me arrested because there are things that are not true in our divorce. We did our divorce ourselves, and to my knowledge, there is nothing false in it. We both went before the Judge and swore that everything was true, and we were both happy with the divorce. Do I have anything to worry about?
Brette's Answer: If you included nothing that is untrue, you have nothing to worry about. Yes, technically if you included false information you could be charged with perjury, but that would be up to the district attorney and it's likely no one would be interested in pursuing anything as small as this.
Can a divorce go through if a spouse dies before the final judgment?
Carla's Question: My husband and I were in the process of a divorce after 20 years of marriage. He died 11-14-07 and I received papers the divorce was final on 12-10-07. Does this affect the divorce?
Brette's Answer: A divorce can't go through when a person is deceased. You need to contact the court with the death certificate and get it reversed. Check with an attorney who can help you. » Return to top
Can the divorce state that I will return to my maiden name?
Karen's Question: I just received divorce papers 5 days ago. It is uncontested and I don't have the finances for an attorney. Without an attorney, how would I have the final decree state that I wish to have my name changed back to my maiden name?
Brette's Answer: It is routine for a judge to include a provision in the decree that either party can return to a pre-marital name. However, to make sure, you will need to respond or appear and just make sure that is the case. You need to find out what your state's requirements are for appearing - you may need to just file a form or you may need to show up in court.
How do I change my name if the provision wasn't in the decree?
Juanita's Question: My Ex and I did a do-it-yourself uncontested divorce. I messed up and wanted my former name restored, which is the same as my children, but neglected to put it in the divorce petition. How do I get the divorce decree modified, to state I have my former name restored? Do I have to go back into court to do this legally. I need a court order to change my driver's license, SS Card etc.
Brette's Answer: Go to the court clerk's office and ask them what you need to file. Most likely a modification petition or a notice of motion. » Return to top
When can you take back your maiden name?
Stephanie's Question: Do you have to wait for the divorce to be final before you can go back to your maiden name, and will it be wise to do so as he is still paying some of bills?
Brette's Answer: You can use your maiden name at any time you want. To change it on legal documents such as a driver's license, Social Security card, or passports though you need a court order, which usually happens in your divorce decree. What name you use has no impact on bills or settlement.
Resuming your maiden name
Stephanie's Question: Our divorce decree states that I will retain my maiden name. How much time do I have to change my name if I'm not ready to do it right away?
Brette's Answer: Divorce decrees usually give a woman the right to resume the use of premarital name if she wishes to do so, but do not require it. Therefore, you can do it whenever you want. » Return to top
How do I change my name after divorce?
Sheila's Question: I don't have a copy of my divorce decree, but I want to change my last name back to my maiden name. How can I do this?
Brette's Answer: Get a copy of the divorce decree. Call the county where the divorce was granted. If you don't know, you may still be able to get your name changed by using the marriage certificate. Start with your driver's license. Once that is changed, you can use that as proof for everything else.
Can a woman be forced to change her name after divorce?
Cheryl's Question: After my fiancé's divorce, his wife didn't take back her maiden name. Is there any way we can get a court order for her to go back to her maiden name?
Brette's Answer: No. It is completely up to her what name she uses. Even if the court order included a section saying she could go back to it, she would not have to. » Return to top
Why are support checks made out in my maiden name?
Taren's Question: It was granted in my divorce that I can go back to my maiden name, but I haven't changed it so far. I just go my first child support check and it had my maiden name on it. Was my name changed automatically once the divorce was granted?
Brette's Answer: The decree gives you the right to change back to your maiden name. It's not required, but since most people do the child support agency probably automatically changed it. You can notify them if you want it made out to your married name instead.
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Brette Sember is a former family and matrimonial attorney and mediator, nationally recognized expert, and author of many books including The Divorce Organizer & Planner, No-Fight Divorce, and How To Parent With Your Ex.  For more information about Brette, see www.BretteSember.com.
This column provides general information about the various aspects of divorce. It is not intended to take the place of legal counsel and should not be considered personal legal advice. For specific recommendations concerning your situation, please retain experienced legal counsel. WomansDivorce.com and Brette Sember disclaim any liability from any claim arising from any information contained in this column. This column is not a substitute for legal advice.
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