Warning Signs of an Abuser

The warning signs of an abuser are often easy to dismiss. While you may think that your husband is just "hot-tempered", his actions may be giving you clues to something more. The following article points out some of the characteristics of a potentially abusive man, and why you shouldn't lightly dismiss the signs.

Break the Pattern of Abusive Men

Women who get involved with abusive men are typically those who had abusive childhood home environments. This kind of upbringing tends to normalize abusive behavior in all relationships. What this means is that women from this kind of a background are not as keen to the subtleties of abuse the way “healthy” women are.

On a positive note, there is a silver lining here—all behavior can be relearned, including the ability to recognize early signs of abuse as unacceptable behaviors in a relationship. Once this is learned, a woman will be able to break free from unhealthy relationships with men who are no good for her.

Below is a list of common abusive behaviors to watch for from abusive men or abusive women:

Criticism about your good qualities,
Past abusive relationships,
Criminal activities,
Drinking or drug problems, past or present,
Mood swings,
Discourages your successes,
Jealousy,
Abusive family members or spouses of siblings,
Attempts to control your whereabouts,
Disrespect toward you publicly or privately,
Violations of others rights,
Irresponsibility,
Attempts to keep you isolated,
Persistent lying,
History of truancy, delinquency and running away,
Highly reactive,
Streaks of meanness toward others for no reason,
Threatened by relationships with men, past, present or imagined.

In order to recognize early abusive signs, a woman must stop rationalizing “abusive” behaviors as “normal.” If she sees ONE abusive behavior, regardless of how small, she needs to remind herself that it IS abuse. Period! With this new skill, she will soon be dating men who treat her with dignity and respect—the way all women deserve to be treated.

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© Article by Nancy Fagan-Murphy, M.S., who specializes in divorce planning and divorce mediation. She received her mediation certification through the National Conflict Resolution Center and has been working with conflicting couples since 1993 as a marriage and family therapist. Ms. Murphy is a nationally recognized relationship expert and is the published author of “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Romance” (Macmillan Publishing) and “Desirable Men: How to Find Them (Crown Books). To learn more, visit www.TheDivorceHelpClinic.com.

If these warning signs of an abuser ring a bell in your relationship, the following articles can give you more information about abusive relationships:

Recognizing Emotional Abuse
Domestic Violence Effects On Children
Leaving An Abusive Husband
Divorcing An Abusive Husband
Recovery For Survivors Of Abuse

Divorce Process / Children and Divorce/ Emotions and Divorce
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