Child Custody Issues
Answers From The Expert
Child custody issues are often some of the most debated topics
when a couple divorces. Deciding where the children will live
and the amount of time spent with each parent needs to be determined. Yet,
this is something that most parents can't agree on, as outlined by the following
questions:
What does legal custody mean?
Leslie's Question: My divorce says: "the parties shall be awarded legal custody of the minor child, with me being awarded sole physical custody". What does legal custody mean?
Brette's Answer: Legal custody refers to decision making. You have to make all important decisions together - such as school, religion, major medical decisions, and so on. Sole physical custody means the child lives with you and you make day to day decisions.
Topic: Sole versus Joint Custody
Ashley's Question: My baby is almost two months
old, and the father who is completely disabled in a wheel chair, is trying to get custody
based on false pretenses!!! I'm confused and need to know the difference
between sole and joint custody.
Brette's Answer: All states have sole
and joint custody arrangements. These terms can be confusing though.
There are two types of custody to be decided - legal and physical.
Legal custody refers to the parent who has decision making authority
for the child. This parent is the one who makes medical, legal, and
educational decisions about the child. Physical custody refers to
how the parents share time with the child.
You can have all kinds of
combinations of the two. For example, you can have a situation where
one parent has sole legal and physical custody. This means the other
parents isn't involved in decisions and never sees the child. You
can also have a situation where one parent has sole legal custody,
but the parents have joint physical custody. This means one parent
is making all the decisions, but they both spend time with the
child. You can also have joint legal and physical custody, where the
parents make decisions about the child together and share time with
the child. You might also have heard of shared or split custody,
which is usually the term used when the parents equally share time
with the child in a 50/50 split.
You can go to your state's family court and have custody
determined there. If the baby's father hasn't formally admitted
paternity of the baby, you would have to start with a paternity
proceeding. Until there's a legal acknowledgment (either an
admission by him or a judgment by the court) that he is the father,
he has no legal right to seek custody of your child. » Return
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Does joint custody
mean equal time with each parent?
Yvette's Question: I'm a stay at home mom with a toddler and six
month old. I have been the primary parent AND done everything for the kids for their entire lives. My husband doesn't spend any time with the baby, but
yet he wants joint custody? Will the court grant this?
Brette's Answer: Joint custody has several meanings. You need to understand that there is a difference between joint legal custody and joint physical custody.
Many couples share joint legal custody. Joint legal custody describes your parenting relationship and in some ways is a way to make the parent without physical custody feel better. It doesn't describe how you share time, but instead means you are supposed to make decisions together.
Physical custody can also be called joint, but divided up differently when it comes to the schedule - every other weekend, etc. True joint split physical custody means 50/50 time split. Since you have been the primary parent, it is likely you would have the most time with your child.
Also, if your baby is breastfeeding, joint physical custody is impossible. In most cases like this, the court will look who has time to care for the child. Since he works and it sounds like you don't, it's likely you would be the custodial parent. However, the court will want to set up a visitation schedule that will allow your husband plenty of time with your children. » Return to top
Can he get bird's nest custody without my agreement?
Kathy's Question: Can my ex-husband get custody and make me move out for a week and he move in for that week?
Brette's Answer: Your husband can't decide that but he can ask the court to order it. That is a solution that works for some families, but in my experience it is never a good long-term solution. It often works for a few months or a year, but then other arrangements need to be worked out. The benefit of it is that the children are not displaced and can remain in the home.
How can I get a custody and visitation order?
Tanya's Question: Can I get custody of our 4 children? We live away from their father and he sees them every holiday, but refuses to pick them up and I have to drive 2 hours to drop them off. When the children are with him he refuses me to let me speak to them and always starts by saying he wants custody of the kids. How can I get some kind of custody and a visitation order put in place?
Brette's Answer: File for an order of custody and visitation. The current schedule will likely be kept if you have no objection. You can ask that he provide transportation or that it at least be shared. You can also ask that the order specify that you shall have reasonable phone contact with the children while they are with him.
How can I file for custody if I don't know where he is?
Corina's Question: I have a 8 year old son and his father has only seen him 20 times over the last eight years. If I file for full custody, will I most likely get it. The thing is, I don't even know where he is or have no clue where to find him.
Brette's Answer: You will likely get sole custody but visitation is still a possibility. As for service, you'll be required to
attempt to serve him somehow - last known address, etc. When that doesn't work,
then you will be able to serve him via publication in a newspaper. Good luck.
Do I need my ex's permission to give custody to my mom?
Cindy's Question: If my ex and I have joint custody with me having physical custody of our daughter, do I still need his consent if I wanted to give my mother custody of our daughter if I wanted to join the air force?
Brette's Answer: Yes.
If I give guardianship to the grandmother, could I lose custody?
Ciara's Question: I have been divorced for about 3 years now and have sole custody. My ex husband does not pay me any child support and only sees my 4yr old every other weekend. As a single mother it has been very hard to even maintain a job since 100% of the responsibility is on me. I would love to go back to school and finish so that I may provide my child with a better future. I have considered giving my daughter to his mom (only until I finish school) since the schedule would be very hectic. If I do, would I loose custody indefinitely?
Brette's Answer: You would need to talk to an attorney. Signing away guardianship is a dangerous thing - your ex could step up and seek custody and possibly win. You should consider applying for child support and having him help pay for day care so you can return to school. Good luck. Can the father and grandparents share custody?
LuAnn's Question: Our daughter and her ex have joint custody of our 6 yr old grandson. Our daughter is a recovering addict (not sure about the recovering part), has no job or car, and situations have come up that she shouldn't have custody of this child. Can the father and grandparents share custody?
Brette's Answer: Generally one would have custody and the other visitation, but joint custody is not out of the question entirely. You should talk to an attorney. Good luck.
Am I in violation because I couldn't contact him about our move?
Wendy's Question: I have custody of my three children, and my ex has not seen or even called them in almost a year. I got a phone call from him yesterday saying that he was taking me to court because I temporarily moved three miles from my home and did not inform him. I have no way to contact him because I don't know where he lives or what his phone number is. What was I to do? And do I have to even inform him of this since he has nothing to do with them any other time?
Brette's Answer: It doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about. I would encourage you to inform him of address changes in the future however, because it could look like custodial interference.
How often do I have to let my ex talk to the kids on the phone?
Colleen's Question: How often do I legally have to let my ex talk to the kids on the phone?
Brette's Answer: If your court order gives him phone access, then reasonable access would be what is expected. Probably once a day, or more often if something exciting happens they want to tell him about. If you're finding the phone calls to be disruptive, then you could consider a change. You ought to consult your attorney since they may be caselaw guidance available in your state.
We agreed to joint custody, but now he says he's the primary parent.
Veronica's Question: My husband and I agreed to have
joint custody of our 9 year old son. My husband is now telling me that the
divorce is finalized and that he's the primary parent. I have no
recollection that it said that on the decree. Is there any way I can appeal this
decision? If he is lying, and the divorce is not finalized, what can I do?
Brette's Answer: You need to read the decree to
determine what it says. If you can't figure it out, you should pay for a
consultation with an attorney who can interpret it for you. If it does say he is
the primary parent, you need to go back to the papers you signed agreeing to the
divorce and check what they say. If the decree does not match what you agreed
to, you will need to go back to court to get this resolved. You should get an
attorney to help you with this. » Return to top
What if he was named the primary custodian but the kids live with me?
Tiffany's Question: My ex husband has primary custody over my children, but they have always lived with me. What can I do?
Brette's Answer: File a petition to get the order changed. If they live with you, the order should reflect that and it should be easy to get it modified.
I'm afraid he'll get custody of the baby if we divorce.
Tonya's Question: My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. He and I can't resolve our differences, and we're more like room-mates than a couple. However, we have a 2 month old baby, who I of course love more than the world itself. I am scared to divorce him, because of her. I take care of her all the time, day and night. He may hold her or something a few hours each day, even on weekends, but he often needs help. I am nervous, because his parents have a lot of money, so I'm afraid they would try and ensure he got custody. I am so scared to lose my daughter. I don't even like being away from her for a few hours. With her being so little, and a breastfed baby, what are the chances he could convince them to give him custody? What can I do?
Brette's Answer: First of all, I know how utterly overwhelming a baby is and I understand how possessive you feel about her. What I need you to understand is that she has two parents. Picture her when she is 10. She's going to need a daddy who loves her and is close to her, as well as a mommy who adores her. What she deserves is to have two parents in her life. That's the greatest gift you can give her.
If you do divorce, she should be able to spend time with both of you. No one is going to take a breastfeeding baby away from her mom without extreme circumstances. What you should consider is a way to gradually create a plan that allows dad and baby to become comfortable and develop a relationship. Eventually (and this is definitely not tomorrow!) it would probably be best if he were able to spend time with her alone. At some point it would be fair for him to be able to have overnights with her on a regular basis. This should happen gradually in a way that fits her developmental stages, but she most definitely needs to have a father in her life who is a regular fixture for her.
I also hope that you will consider marriage counseling. A baby changes your whole world for a while and makes it hard to manage anything, let alone a relationship with challenges. I would urge you not to give up yet. » Return
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How can I cope if he provokes me in front of the kids?
Jessica's Question: I need to separate my relationship with my husband from my daily activities with the kids. I have two boys that don't do what I say, and it always ends up a yelling match. I know this yelling could cause me to lose custody. We haven't actually filed, but it's a real possibility. I feel that my husband wants to upset me so I will cry or yell, and that the kids don't listen to me because they see him blowing me off. I need to use my smarts and not yell, but sometimes I get so frustrated and my voice raises. What can I do to save my family from this and protect myself from losing them. I only make about 500 a month and am the primary caregiver. Am I being set up to lose? Where can I go to get help without hurting my chances if we go to court?
Brette's Answer: First of all I think it's great that you are smart enough to see what is happening and that you want to take steps to fix it. Normally I would suggest parenting classes or a therapist to help you manage your emotions, but if you are financially strapped you may not be able to afford that. How about going to your library and checking out some books or DVDs about parenting? You can learn some great tips, skills and methods there. You might also try meeting with some other moms that you know and swapping stories and tips. Having a support group can really get you through it. You also obviously need to find a way to cope with the feelings you're facing because of the divorce as well as your husband's behavior. Divorce is never easy. Is there a close friend you can sit down with and talk to about the situation? You've got to find a way to not allow him to get to you. You could try deep breathing counting to ten or simply not engaging when he starts a conflict. » Return
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What are my chances of custody if he's abusive?
Jamee's Question: I'm not married, but I'm engaged and we have a 7 month old baby girl. He pushes me around sometimes and tells me he wants to hit me but doesn't. He threw a fit in the hospital after she was born because he didn't want to be there, so he talked the doctors into releasing us early. I went along with it because I didn't want to make him mad. He loves our little girl and plays with her when she isn't whiny, but I can't even get him to watch her long enough for me to get a bath or shower alone. I do the laundry, the shopping, and cater to her and him. Not to mention I'm still a senior in high school with straight A's. I don't have a job though. Will he win over me if it comes to a custody battle?
Brette's Answer: You need some support. Is there an adult relative, friend, teacher or guidance counselor you can talk to? It sounds to me like you are in a situation in which you are not happy and where you may not be safe. No one has the right to push you or hit you and you need to take steps to protect yourself and your child. Frankly, custody is the least of your worries right now. What if he pushes you while you are holding the baby and you fall and she is injured? I think you need to think seriously about the situation you are in. It's very unlikely he would be awarded custody. You need to talk to an adult who can help you decide what your options are and how to get you out of the situation you are in. » Return
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What are my chances of custody if the other parent is disabled?
Question: What are my chances of being awarded custody if the other parent is considered disabled?
Brette's Answer: Disability only has an impact if affects the parents' ability to care for the child. Custody is determined by looking at what is in the best interest of the child. There is a huge range of disabilities and there is no way to generalize at all.
What can I do if he's restricting my access to the kids?
Freddie's Question: My ex has had custody for 6 months now. He does not go by the court order at all, and won't let me see the kids on my weekends. He won't give me his phone number, and the number is blocked when he calls me. He doesn't want me to have any contact al all with my sons. I have witness of what has been going on. What should I do?
Brette's Answer: Go to family court and file a petition for modification of custody. Refusing to let you see your sons is called custodial interference and it is grounds for a complete change in custody. Good luck. » Return
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Could I lose custody if I move out without the kids?
Natalie's Question: We had been married for 10 years and have 2 kids. I want a divorce and a sole custody of my kids. He says he wants the sole custody of the kids as well. I really want to move out before the divorce is filed and final. If I do, will it turn against me as far as having a custody of my children?
Brette's Answer: If you move out and leave the kids in the marital home with him, it could hurt your chances. Judges like to leave kids where they are, so if you leave, it reduces your chances of getting temporary custody. The parent who gets temporary custody is the one most likely to get permanent custody. I think you need to go see an attorney who can give you some personal advice and help you come up with a plan for how to proceed.
Can I decide on the school district if I'm the custodial parent?
Julie's Question: I am the custodial parent and live 25 minutes from my ex. My daughter will be starting kindergarten in the fall. Can I put my daughter in the school of my choice (by my home)?
Brette's Answer: Yes. The only caveat I would have to that is if you have joint legal custody, then technically you need to make the decision about schools together. If there is a disagreement, you'll have to go back to court.
What determines where the child will go to school?
Cathy's Question: My husband has been given emergency temporary custody of his daughter. Up until 3 weeks ago, she had attended a school in our area. Now that he has temporary custody, he wants her to go back there because she is familiar with the school and it's teachers. Can he put her back in that school or does he have to keep her in the school her mother put her in? There is only 5 miles between. In the temporary custody order it doesn't address this. Her mother says if he does so it will be a contempt charge.
Brette's Answer: Generally you do not have a choice - you can only place the child in the district you live in, unless you pay for private school. If there is no court order about this, it seems reasonable to place the child in your home district. She can challenge this and the judge can order otherwise. » Return
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Could I lose custody because my ex says that I'm crazy?
Catherine's Question: I am going through a custody battle with my ex husband. (we got divorced when my son who is 2yrs old). My ex thinks I am crazy, but I am not. My son is in a good school district, he has friends, siblings, and everything a kid wants. How can I prove that I am not crazy and that my son is fine where he is, and what does the courts look for in these types of cases?
Brette's Answer: Custody is decided based on what is in the best interest of the child. It is hard to prove you are not crazy, unless you really mean he is suggesting you are mentally ill - in that case, a psychological evaluation should clear it up. You can however prove that you provide a stable home, have a stable job, and have friend and community support systems. Keep a journal that details your daily life and the things you do with your son. Collect report cards, photos, scrapbooks, home movies, anything that shows your son having a happy life with you. Document problems that arise with your ex and disputes over visitation. Get an attorney. » Return
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How can I prove he's a drug-user and not a good parent?
Trish's Question: I am currently in a custody battle with my ex. He still uses and sells crack and heroin. But it's almost impossible to prove. He has supervised visits right now, and he barely comes, but in a month we have to go back to court and he wants to take my daughter for weekends. He has a criminal record involving drugs, and violence. What can I do to prove to he will harm my child mentally, physically and emotionally if he is given the chance.
Brette's Answer: Ask for a substance abuse evaluation as well as a mental health evaluation. Ask that a law guardian or guardian ad litem be assigned to the case. Line up your counselors or doctors to come in and testify about how well you're doing.
How do I make it legal if my son's
adoptive parents let him move back in with me?
Mary's Question: My cousins adopted my son years
ago. He wants to come home, and everybody is agreeing to it. What can I do to
make it legal so they are not liable for him in any way?
Brette's Answer: The only way is for you to adopt
him back. Good luck.
How is custody affected
if he's the adoptive parent?
Elizabeth's Question: I am my daughter's biological
mother. My soon to be ex-husband adopted my daughter two years ago after we were
married. I would like to sole custody of my daughter based upon the fact that my
ex always looked to me to make decisions and my daughter doesn't really have a
"parental" bond to him. My daughter is in counseling to help determine
whether or not it is in her best interest to continue a parental relationship
with him.
Brette's Answer: The fact that he adopted her has
no bearing on custody. Whether or not they have a bond and what kind of
relationship they have is important. It sounds like you should wait to see what
the counselor says. In most cases it is not a good idea to completely cut off
all contact between a parent and child, so it is likely visitation will be
something that is recommended. » Return to top
Can a step-parent get custody rights?
Renee's Question: My husband and I are getting a
divorce. He has a 7 Year old son that I am very close with and take care of.
Even though we have not been married for very long, what would the chances of me
getting custody or at least joint custody? I am the one that takes care of him
and all of his school things and games and practices. I work at the school so I
have the same work hours as he has for school. Can a Step Parent get custody
rights?
Brette's Answer: The chance of you getting custody
is extremely unlikely. The chance of getting visitation is also very small, but
it depends on the situation. If he does not have another legal parent, it is
more possible than if there is a mother. Different states have different laws
about stepparent rights, so you would need to consult an attorney. The best
solution is for you to talk with your husband and explain how much you love his
son and try to work something out that would allow you to continue to be a
presence in his life.
Can I get custody back if his Dad dies?
Lula's Question: My ex-husband was awarded custody of our son and remarried another women. My ex has died and my son is still in her care now. Can I get my son back?
Brette's Answer: Most definitely. In most cases, a legal parent trumps a stepparent. Good luck.
How often can my ex
take me back to court to change custody?
Jessica's Question: If I get sole custody of my 3
kids, how many times can my ex-husband take me to court to try to get custody?
Brette's Answer: There's no limit really. However,
if a judge feels he is bringing cases too often with no basis (as a form of
harassment), he could be penalized. » Return
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Can he get custody if he doesn't see our child on a regular basis?
Peggy's Question: I have raised my son pretty much on my own from birth. He is now 18 months and his father left us when he was about 6 months. He hasn't been in the picture much, and shows no emotional interest in our son. He threatens me with a custody battle, saying he wants it half and half. He was discharged from the army for having terrible panic attacks and has been checked into the hospital about 11 times in the past 2 months. Would I have any chance in getting full custody? I have more than enough people to attest to his lack of responsibilities, even his parents are on my side.
Brette's Answer: Yes, you are in a good position for custody. Visitation however is another matter and you should try to work out how it could best happen in a way that you would feel comfortable. It sounds like he hasn't spent a lot of time with him. I would recommend a gradual ramping up of visitation so they can become comfortable with each other. Is he getting treatment for his panic attacks? That would be a concern I would have. If they are not under control. Then he may not be able to have visitation alone without some kind of help. » Return
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Can he get custody changed because I'm living with someone?
Crystal's Question: My divorce was final about 6 months ago, but we were separated for some time. I have custody of our 2 children and my ex is supposed to pay child support. However he does not pay much ($100 a month if I am lucky). I moved in with with my boyfriend because I was to the point of losing everything I had. My boyfriend and I would like to be engaged but I don't think its legal because he is not divorced yet. My ex keeps threatening me, saying that I need to write him a receipt for all the back child support he owes me or he is going to take me back to court because I am living with my boyfriend. He owes me 4 grand and I will NOT write him a receipt for that much. He is an alcoholic and has no chance of getting the kids, and has even told me he does not want them, its all about the money with him. HELP!
Brette's Answer: You need to take a deep breath and work through this with me. First of all, your ex does not have the authority to tell you who you can or cannot live with. That is your decision and he can do nothing about it. The only time it would be a concern is if your boyfriend was somehow presenting a danger or a bad influence for your children. That does not sound like the case. Stop listening to your ex.
Secondly, if your ex is behind on child support, go back to court on a violation and get a judgment! He is legally required to pay you this money. By not collecting it you are making life hard for your children.
You should never, ever give a receipt for money that has not been paid to you. Your ex can do nothing to you, so stop being intimidated by him.
As for getting engaged, it is not a legal situation. You and your boyfriend can make any promises you want to each other. You cannot get married until he is divorced. Getting engaged is not going to change your financial situation, so why rush into it? » Return
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Could I lose custody because my boyfriend got a DWI?
Monica's Question: My children have lived with me for two years and I have residential custody. My fiancé made a mistake and got a DWI and he will be on probation. If my ex-husband finds out that my fiancé is on probation do you think there is a chance that I could lose my custody?
Brette's Answer: I think that you need to be certain your kids are not in the car with him until this blows over. How would your ex find out about the DWI? If he doesn't find out, it isn't a problem. If he does however, he could certainly try for custody. If there are no other problems and you are willing to stipulate that your fiancé will not drive them, that it would most likely not be a problem.
Can he get custody because I had an affair?
Question: My husband and I are separated, and the kids are living with me. I go out with my friends once a week and am seeing a younger man. My husband is threatening to take the kids by saying that I'm an unfit mother and have had an affair. I'm the one who takes care of the kids, while he only sees them a couple of hours during the week. If I am a fit mother, can he do this?
Brette's Answer: Having an affair does not make you an unfit mother and has nothing to do with custody. A judge makes a custody decision based on what is in the best interest of the children. Both parents' lifestyles are considered. There is certainly nothing wrong with a night out with friends and having an affair does not mean you are a bad parent. However, if that means you are not home at night, come home intoxicated, do not provide proper care for your kids, etc, then it is a concern. From what you have described, it does not sound like that is the case.
Topic:
Custody possibilities when parents live in two states
Tonya's Question: My husband and I are in the
beginning stages of divorce. He is in the military and lives in on base, while
the children and I live in another state. What are some shared custody options?
Brette's Answer: When it comes to custody, anything
you can work out is acceptable. I would recommend that you and your husband have
a long phone conversation and try to come to an agreement. Probably in your
case, you will need to work around his responsibilities. It sounds like it would
make most sense for you to have physical custody of the children. You can share
legal custody (decision-making responsibilities) or you can be the one with that
sole responsibility. It's important that your children spend time with their father,
but this may be difficult to achieve based on his job. Try to work out times he
can come and see them. Arrange for them to have phone, email, and snail mail
contact with him while he is away. The key is to respect each other as parents,
make sure the children know you are parenting together, and make sure they see
him as much as possible. » Return
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Would a judge allow
the children to be split up?
Claudia's Question: In a case where there are three
children involved (ages 6, 11, and 13), would it be possible for the father to
live in one state and take custody of the two older children, and the mother to
reside in another state with the youngest one? If this is an agreement that both
parties came to (though the older children don't want to go with their father),
would a judge allow the children to be split up the children? It would seem to
be that the courts would frown upon splitting up the children, unless there were
unusual circumstances.
Brette's Answer: Courts prefer to keep siblings
together whenever possible. Sometimes though it simply isn't possible. The court
would look at the entire situation and decide whether this was in the best
interest of the children. The opinion of the older children would matter, but
would not be decisive. Of importance would be what the visitation plan is and
how the parents plan to maintain contact between the siblings. » Return
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Can I get a different judge
for our custody case?
April's Question: I am in a child custody battle
with my ex, and it seems as if my attorney just wants me to throw in the towel.
The judge that we have is the same one that signed our divorce. My attorney
thinks that the judge is going to look at our evaluation and that's it. The
evaluator states that he was not able to make a final decision based on his
evaluation, but the kids are already comfortable in the town that they are in
now so why move them. I have been the primary care giver for the kids whole
lives. Would it be a good idea to hire a new attorney? Would it hurt my case? Is
there any way I can request a new judge?
Brette's Answer: You can fire your attorney and
hire a new one, but you do have to get the judge's permission to do that (it's
usually not a problem unless it will significantly delay the case). You can't
ask for a new judge. The thing you need to understand about your custody case is
the court likes to keep the status quo if it is working. What you need to do is
show the judge that the current situation is not what is best for the children.
Your attorney could seek another evaluation and call that evaluator to testify.
Deciding custody without
going to court
April's Question: Must the divorce
address custody issues when a minor child is involved, or can
custody be handled separately? For example, can the divorcing
parties come up with there own signed agreement? In this case,
would any court appearances be necessary?
Brette's Answer: Custody can be handled
before the divorce is begun as a separate issue, but if it is not
resolved by the time the divorce is initiated, it will become one of
the issues in the divorce.
You most definitely can determine custody yourself, however, you
always need a court order to make it official. You and your spouse
can go to mediation and create an agreement there. You can also go
file a custody case and then appear in court and tell the judge what
you have worked out. It always up to the court to approve a
settlement, but the court almost always will approve it as long as
it is reasonable. » Return
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Should I file for custody before I file for a divorce?
Kandi's Question: My husband and I are legally separated, and he has custody of the kids. I want a divorce and can file in my current residential state. Should I file for divorce first and then go after custody of my kids, or should I pursue them at the same time?
Brette's Answer: Actually your choices are the other way around. You can work out custody first through family court (or through alternatives like
child custody mediation) or you can file for divorce, during which custody will be determined. What you choose is up to you. Family court is a lot less expensive than a divorce case, if that helps. Is it kidnapping if I visit my family out of state when he's in prison?
Adria's Question: Can the father get me for kidnapping our son if he is in prison for the next 20 years and I am going to visit family in a different state but will be returning?
Brette's Answer: If he's in prison you need a sole order of custody and should get it immediately.
Should I get a custody order to prevent him from taking the kids?
Frances's Question: My ex and I were never married, and have never been to court over custody. He hasn't seen my kids in 3 1/2 years. The school told me if he came to pick up the kids, they have to let them go with him because he is the father and he has rights. Should I get a custody order so he can't get them from school unless I know about it before hand?
Brette's Answer: Without a custody order your ex has the legal right to take them at any time and the police won't stop him. A custody order will protect you and set out legal custody. If he hasn't seen your children in 3 years there is very little chance he would get custody. » Return
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How can I prevent my
husband from taking the kids out of the country?
Naurin's Question: I have been married to my husband
for 7years and we are going through hard times. I fear that he might want
to take my kids and flee the country. How can I prevent this? Brette's Answer: I think you need to talk to an attorney very quickly. If you are concerned he would try
to take the children out of the country, you can first get an order from family
court directing him not to do so. Secondly, if your children have passports, put
them in a bank safe deposit box. If they do not have passports, apply for them
and then do the same thing with them. Talk to an attorney who can help you take preventive steps such as a custody order.
Does he have the right to
talk to the daycare if I have custody?
Brandi's Question: I just recently filed for custody
of my twins. Their father has hardly made any time for them since they
were born 2 years ago. He has talked to the daycare that I arranged for the
twins to be in, but the daycare did not said anything to me. Is that right? Brette's Answer: It's your responsibility to talk
with your daycare providers and make sure they understand who is the custodial
parent and who is permitted to pick the children up and communicate with the
teachers. If your order gives him access to records, then there was nothing
inappropriate. Return to top of Child Custody Issues
Related Articles:
What Is Custody?
Preparing for
Child Custody Battles
Also see:
More questions and answers
Ask the Legal
Expert a question
Brette Sember is a former family and
matrimonial attorney and mediator, nationally recognized expert, and author of
many books including
The Divorce Organizer & Planner,
No-Fight Divorce, and
How To Parent With Your Ex.
For more information about Brette, see www.BretteSember.com.
This column provides general information about
the various aspects of divorce. It is not intended to take
the place of legal counsel and should not be considered personal legal advice.
For specific recommendations concerning your
situation, please retain experienced legal counsel. WomansDivorce.com and Brette Sember disclaim
any liability from any claim arising from any information contained
in this column. This column is not a substitute for legal advice.
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