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Finding Mr Right

If looking for love is tough, then finding Mr Right may seem impossible, especially after divorce. The right perspective on boyfriends will increase your odds. The first step in developing a healthy, nurturing relationship is knowing what kind of partner that you want. It is best to do this while you are unattached, so that your standards aren’t based on a specific person.

Deciding What You Want In A Man.  You can begin by making a wish list of characteristics that you would like in a partner. While attractiveness may seem important right now, realize that looks fade with time. It is better to focus on quality of life things such as a positive attitude or a sense of humor. Below is a list of ideas. Your list should include what is important to you in a man, and what makes you happy.

  • Willing and capable of working 
  • Dependable with good ethics
  • Likes to relax and have fun 
  • Shares a similar background 
  • A willingness to help out 
  • Is romantic and affectionate
  • Likes similar activities
  • Respects your freedom
  • Wanting the same things in life
  • Comfortable around children

Evaluate Your Past.  The next thing that you need to do is list the characteristics of old boyfriends, past lovers, and ex-husbands. What attracted you to them in the first place? How many of their traits match your list of needs. If there is little correlation between what you needed and what you got, see how all the men in your life were similar. If essential qualities for you are “kind”, “considerate”, and “good-natured”, yet you pick men who lack these qualities, but are either “sexy”, “good looking”, or “good dancers”, realize the conflict that exists. Be especially careful when you meet that “sexy” man that makes your heart race. If you are attracted to a good dancer who’s bad-tempered, then dance with him, but don’t invest yourself emotionally. It’s best just not to even allow yourself the temptation. 

Finding Someone NewDon’t settle for less than your expectations just to be in a relationship. Knowing what you want before you start looking for love helps separate the good from the not-so-good, and allows you to find someone truly compatible for a possible lasting love. 


© 2001 Tracy Achen, author of Divorce 101: A Woman's Guide. Get the book that walks you through the divorce process with step-by-step instructions, worksheets, and divorce tips covering all of the practical aspects of going through a divorce. You can also click the following link to read more articles by Tracy Achen.

If you're still a little shy about entering the dating scene, you can always consider using an online matchmaking service such as Yahoo! Personals, which has a lot to offer even if you live in a small town.  The best way to get started is by using their Advanced Singles Search matching system to help you focus on the men that you are most likely to be compatible with.

Quote of the Day
Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice.
- William Jennings Bryan
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