Tips To Stop DivorceIf you don't want your marriage to end, the following tips to stop divorce may help regain balance in your situation.
What should I do if he says that he's thinking about divorce?
Tina's Question: My husband told me a few days ago that he is no longer in love with me. We have been married for 18 years. I don't want a divorce and I told him this. He said he needed time to think and figure out what he wants to do. I was advised by a friend to seek an attorney and tell them what is going on and if it comes to a divorce then I already have things in motion to protect me and my 17 year old and and 1 month old grandson. What should I do? Brette's Answer: Talking to an attorney is fine if you want to understand what your legal options are, but if you really want to save the marriage, it's not going to help. You need to first decide what it is you really want. A good therapist can help you with that. Good luck. We started counseling, but he won't drop the divorce petition. Judy's Question: My husband has already started the divorce proceedings. I have received the petition. I do not agree however that our problems are not reconcilable. We have started seeing a counselor. However he still refuses to put a hold on the divorce to give us time to see if we can work things out. What can I do at this point? I will be hiring my own attorney on Monday. Brette's Answer: Get an attorney and talk to him or her. It is likely the two attorneys will agree to put things on hold for a while - neither of them wants to waste their time. »Return to top Can a divorce be stopped if we change our minds? Neoka's Question: My husband and I have been separated for a few months. Once we both sat down, we realized we don't want the finality of divorce, but we want to try and work things out. Problem is, he had already filed for the divorce thinking it is what I wanted! Can this be stopped? Can it be switched to a legal separation for the time being? Brette's Answer: He can most definitely stop the divorce proceedings. It sounds like the best plan might be to ask that the case be put on hold. If you do decide to get back together, he can withdraw the divorce. If it doesn't work out, then the money and time put into this won't be wasted. Have him call the clerk's office and they will help him. If you want a legal separation, he needs to file papers changing his petition to that. »Return to top Can I ask the judge to postpone the divorce? Stacy's Question: My husband is wanting a divorce, and I think he has already filed. Is there any way I could get a judge to grant us marriage counseling? My husband does have a lot of issues and I don't think he wants to face them. I know we can work this out, and I can't get him to go to a marriage counselor. Can a judge order us to see a marriage counselor and post pone the divorce? Brette's Answer: A judge won't order your husband to go to counseling. A judge can order you to go to mediation together however. What is a possibility is asking the court to postpone the proceedings, and then convincing him to go to counseling. Your lawyer may be able to get his lawyer to talk him into it - particularly if your lawyer intends to make the divorce difficult if he does not go with you. In the meantime, you might consider asking family or friends to talk to him. »Return to top Can I prevent a divorce from happening? Traci's Question: My husband wants a divorce, but I think that he is conflicted about family and his dreams. If I refuse to divorce him, can I be legally forced to do so? Brette's Answer: If you live in a no-fault state you can't stop it. If not, you can refuse to consent to the divorce and force a grounds trial, so that he has to prove there is a grounds for the divorce. Most people lose who contest on grounds however. You can ask the court for reconciliation counseling. Have you suggested marital or individual counseling? That might help both of you get to the bottom of the situation. »Return to top Can I stop him from finalizing the divorce? Linda's Question: My husband and I have been split up for 2 years. He has finally filed for divorce, and wants it to be over with. I am not ready for our marriage to be over regardless of what he says. I have told him I am going to prolong this as long as I can. I know this is wrong, but I want my family back together. Can he have the divorce finalized regardless of how difficult I make it for him? And if so, how long would that take for him to do that? Brette's Answer: It is possible for you to contest the actual divorce itself. Doing so means you will have to have a grounds trial, in which the court will decide whether or not your husband has proven that there are legal grounds for divorce. It is rare for a divorce to have a grounds trial, and in most cases the court does find there is a grounds for divorce. Obviously if your husband wants a divorce, there are some problems. A good marriage counselor may be able to help him articulate those problems and help the two of you find a way to cope with them.
Related Articles: Brette Sember is a former family and matrimonial attorney and mediator, nationally recognized expert, and author of many books including The Divorce Organizer & Planner, No-Fight Divorce, and How To Parent With Your Ex. This column provides general information about the various aspects of divorce. It is not intended to take the place of legal counsel and should not be considered personal legal advice. For specific recommendations concerning your situation, please retain experienced legal counsel. WomansDivorce.com and Brette Sember disclaim any liability from any claim arising from any information contained in this column. This column is not a substitute for legal advice. DivorceProcess / Childrenand Divorce/ Emotionsand Divorce Home / DivorceGuide / StateResources
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